deg1979: Lexapro advice needed

[deg1979]

@Crochet, what do you mean when you say your body let you know it was time to taper hydroxyzine? Did it just seem unnecessary at some point, or did you have a negative reaction? Were you only taking hydroxyzine for sleep? I have to admit, I have worried several times today that the hydroxyzine stopped working for me. I’m sure it’s just my anxiety talking!

 

Same here, with the friends and supplements. With me it’s my GP and my brother, mostly. My brother sent me CBD gummies for sleep and lithium orotate for the mood swings. I don’t have the heart to tell him I can’t touch those with a ten foot pole right now! I have only tried adding back in ones that I already took before my adverse reaction or ones that I tried earlier in my reaction (my dr is always quick with supplement suggestion, which I all that I expected when I initially asked for help about the early morning anxiety wakeups, but I saw her partner that day). The cruel irony! I had no idea this monstrous anxiety existed! I tried a ashwagandha and l-theanine combo last week that I’d taken during the first month of adverse reaction. In the second month, I took out everything, waited a few weeks, then slowly tried adding some back in. 
 

@Ktven48, are you pregnant? Oh my word, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. That is no fun at all. I see many similarities in our symptoms (the list in your history). I am trying to stay off the clonazepam as well. My last dose was 10/17. I only took it sporadically, but I swear I was having some interdose withdrawal. I would have this horrific, soul-crushing sorrow and despair added on top of the usual white-hot anxiety about three days after I took it. It took me several weeks to make the connection before I quit before I could mess my brain up anymore! To me, if I had to describe this anxiety to someone who has never experienced it, I would say it’s like being a living electrical circuit. I feel like electricity is literally running through my fried nerves. 
 

But I am so, so grateful for your guys’ words of support. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It is so comforting to think of others who are fighting this same battle. My darkest moments are always in the early morning hours of a sleepless night, when I often feel the most alone and the most despair. I will try to think of you guys in other parts of the world going about your day, fighting the same hard battle. Kicking ass and taking names! Because seriously, guys, this is a pretty bad battle. Just because no one else understands it, doesn’t mean it’s the most badass thing we’ve ever done. I mean, nothing in my life so far compares to this struggle. So take heart, we are stronger than we think. 

 

 

[Crochet]

 

@Crochet, what do you mean when you say your body let you know it was time to taper hydroxyzine? Did it just seem unnecessary at some point, or did you have a negative reaction? Were you only taking hydroxyzine for sleep? I have to admit, I have worried several times today that the hydroxyzine stopped working for me. I’m sure it’s just my anxiety talking!

 

First, my sleep recovered, then I became so fatigued and depressed that I could barely get out of bed.  This is what I mean when I say my body told me it was time to lower the hydroxyzine.  I took hydroxyzine only for sleep, but as I went down to lower amounts, I started getting hives, so I suppose I was using it to treat hives, too, but not initially.  I hope it continues to help you more often than not.

[Mia1]

@deg1979wanted to stop by and see how you are doing? I also wanted you to know I think you give such thoughtful advice, I enjoy reading it. ❤️

[Greatful]

@deg1979

Hi, I just wanted to connect with you, another temporary  chemical brain injury member of the physic med world.😖

Sometimes this is the only place (here on SA) is the only place to feel some connection to the world.  Feel the yes, we are still human and belong here, I am not alone, I am not really crazy,   I am just scared, and trapped in a nightmare of chemical brain dysfunction.  Weird things are happening to my body and brain.

 

I can and I am sure most on here can relate to how hard it is  learning acceptance, I think it comes and goes with the waves of dysfunction and panic.  Our brains are very confused and our thoughts feel so true/real.  It seems like the only time we can feel like we can accept this is when we feel some sort of rational thinking/sanity.  Thank goodness we do get a peak once and awhile to get a sliver of  what/how we felt before.  After awhile and many ups and downs we can draw strength from the "this too shall pass" quote.  The veterans here on SA say that slowlyyyyy the waves will get shorter and less deep, you start to get glimpse of this happening. You are in the struggle of your life and then you get a brief brief ease of pain and confusion. (It is the insanity feelings/thoughts that are the hardest to wade through for me, learning to not trust the thoughts of a broken brain).

 

We have one thing we can do.......Stay in the day and try to accept just that day and all that goes with it. ( super hard to do some days)

Some how the day goes by, the evening comes and you can say I made it another day.❤️  

 

 

 

[deg1979]

@Mia1I am hanging in there! I’m currently in a window, so I am grateful for that. My sleep is better, though I did wake up at 4 am this morning. I usually do, even with a sleep mask, but more and more I am able to go back to sleep when I am in a window. I‘m just trying to let everything go as much as possible and accept whatever comes my way, although I’m not always successful! The early morning wakeups are definitely my vulnerable times. Thank you, I always appreciate reading your advice, too! I am so grateful for the space SAD gives us to share this experience with others who are going through the same thing. I genuinely believe I would have been placed on several other SSRIs by now if I had not found it, because all of my providers think that Lexapro could not have caused an adverse reaction at 2.5 mg for only six days. They keep telling me I uncovered a hidden anxiety disorder, which I do not believe because I know I did not have an anxiety disorder. Also, when my therapist asks me what triggers my anxiety, I struggle to help her understand that my initial symptoms are always part of my body’s reaction to healing from this adverse reaction and the trauma it seems to inflict on the brain (or physical damage), and that all I am really afraid of is not getting better and not improving. Understanding what my body is going through, and that it really is part of the healing process, is very reassuring to me. My therapist always wants to tie whether I had a good week, symptom wise, or a bad week to the emotional relationship issues I am working on with her, but I try to promise her it is not. It is a relief to do that work, and it actually helps me to feel like I am making progress and doing all I can to get better. But it is definitely separate from the adverse reaction syndrome/central nervous system upset!

 

[deg1979]

@Greatful, thank you so much for all of those thoughts. I don’t know how you knew I needed them just now! I had a couple challenging weeks—not as bad as the first couple months, but definitely scary because they felt like a huge setback—and I had to constantly fight to remind myself to look for small improvements. 
 

I have had a few days of respite and decent sleep, but then last night I didn’t sleep very much. I tend to look for a reason “why,” but I am thinking that is not helpful for me right now. The more I think about not sleeping, the more it bothers me! I’m trying to roll with the punches. But it does make me worry, each sleep-deprived night, that I am entering another wave.  And I have to say oh well, just keep swimming! 
 

I am thankful for your reassurance this morning!

[deg1979]

I have been doing so much better! I have even been taking the hydroxyzine twice a day rather than three times daily. I am experiencing a setback, although it’s not so much symptoms as it’s a genuine difficult time in my life and facing it with a destabilized nervous system is a challenge! I am standing up for myself in a relationship that I previously felt I couldn’t do that. I’m in therapy and learning how to have healthy boundaries in that relationship. At the same time, that relationship may end as a result. Overall, though, this change has been cathartic and will be beneficial to my mental health in the long-term. 
 

I have a daughter who hasn’t been taking her medications, who has bipolar disorder, and as a result he is becoming unstable. When she takes her medications, she feels great. I worry that my experience and adverse reaction from Lexapro may be contributing to her desire to stop taking meds. I don’t know what the general consensus is on bipolar disorder with psychotic features, but that is what she has struggled with for most of her life. Her psychotic features were present prior to any pharmaceutical intervention at a very young age. Anyway, I worry about her, but that is basically a standard in my life. 
 

What is causing me a challenge right now is my poor dog. He is in the vet hospital right now fighting for his life. Last week he was a happy, seemingly healthy 4 year old giant breed dog. I took him to the vet to have a broken tooth pulled, and they discovered he had very few platelets in his blood, could not successfully clot his blood, and may hemorrhage internally spontaneously. He went to the vet ER where he received treatments, but chemo is one of his treatments, so now he is extremely sick. We tries bringing him home on Friday to see if he would be OK. It was traumatizing for all of us to see how quickly his condition had deteriorated and how much he is suffering. We took him back to the vet ER last night in a last ditch effort to save him again, even though it may not have been the most responsible choice financially. 
 

Losing a dog is always hard for me. I’m OK with that. It’s part of living life and loving dogs. Of course we feel pain and sorrow as they suffer and leave us. But it is a challenge to go through this at this time. This year I have had a deep vein thrombosis and a pulmonary embolism, I’m facing the end of my long term marriage, I’m navigating life with five children with a large span in age, my adverse reaction from Lexapro, my husband’s health issues and a traumatic discovery about his family, and now the shocking loss of our 4 year old dog. 
 

He really is the best boy. I know you dog lovers out there will understand. I love him so much, and he is a such a big part of our lives. Every time I lose a dog I say I don’t think I can do that again, because it hurts so much. But I do, because they’re all the best, and I do love them so much. Love and loss are partners in life. 
 

It is interesting to feel these intense feelings while struggling to heal from my adverse reaction to Lexapro. Obviously our feelings are intertwined with our recovery symptoms, but as I go through this I can also see they are separate. For example, it wasn’t so long ago that I lost another dog. The pain and grief and the same. The difference this time is that I am trying to control the fear that this will cause a wave, or that it will cause a genuine setback in recovery. So far this has not been the case. I allow myself to feel the pain and the sorrow, but if I begin to worry that I am going to have a panic attack (which I have only had on the night of my adverse reaction), I remind myself that my emotions are a normal, expected reaction to losing a dog. I look back to my feelings the last time I lost a dog and recognize them as the same. I am trying to keep my second fear from triggering anxiety, but luckily this is all occurring in a window for me. Crossing my fingers and coping the best I can! 
 

Also he may be OK. The next couple days will tell. If he does make it through this time, he will most likely end up in the same state again in his life. After witnessing his suffering with the treatment this time, if he relapsed I think we would put him to sleep. I had no idea what saving him would put him through. He received a rabies shot and another shot at the end of Oct, and it caused an autoimmune response where his immune system began destroying blood platelets. He can’t clot, and we will have to continually monitor his symptoms to catch a relapse. Steroids would be the long term treatment, but any time he relapsed he would face multiple transfusions and chemo to get his immune response under control. And I assume he can’t have any more immunizations. Since he is a giant breed, each transfusion requires a donation from two dogs. Anyway, I love life, and I love dogs. So pain is just a part of that. I will allow myself to feel that pain and just accept it, as it will pass. 

[deg1979]

I apologize, @Altostrata, I have a question that I think only you may be able to answer. I am worried hydroxyzine turned paradoxical on me in one dose, but I don’t know if that is possible. I hope not.
 

Several times over the past two weeks, when I was feeling few symptoms, I would choose to skip my 2 pm afternoon dose of 25 mg hydroxyzine. Each time I felt some tension and tightness in my chest, but it was most noticeable in the evening right before it was time to take my 10 pm dose. 
 

I chose to skip my 2 pm dose on 12/23 and 12/24. 

 

On Christmas morning, I felt great when I woke so I did not take my 6 am dose of hydroxyzine. Throughout the day I felt fairly good, though I was a little more prone to stress and reminded myself many times to breathe and release tension. 
 

By evening, I felt some of my other symptoms returning—a little bit of paresthesia (hot and cold running throughout my body) and some dysphoria that is common for me since my adverse reaction in the evening hours. 
 

I decided to return to my three times a day dosing schedule for the time being until symptoms resolved. I took my 2 pm dose and my 10 pm dose on time yesterday. 
 

An hour after taking the hydroxyzine and falling asleep, I awoke in a state of panic and therefore some confusion. I needed to use the toilet, which is a common anxiety reaction for me. But I had a racing, pounding heart, and I felt  terrified and extremely anxious. My thoughts seemed distorted; for example, I was afraid my husband had tampered with my medication. Once I opened the pill bottle and looked at the medication, I could see it was fine and was able to let go of that negative thought. I experienced a lot of very negative thoughts and fears, just as I did in September after my adverse reaction. It was terrifying. 
 

I left my bedroom and had a conversation with my husband about my symptoms. This was difficult because we have serious difficulties and may soon get divorced; I do not trust him. This began prior to my adverse reaction. During my adverse reaction, I needed to lean on him for support, but I found him to be minimally supportive at times and other times to be hurtfully dismissive and neglectful. After finding hydroxyzine to help with the worst of my symptoms, I ceased relying on him for help or support. Since then I have been working with a therapist to help me understand healthy relationships and decide if I want to be married to him anymore. Also, my dog died rather suddenly a week ago. And it’s the holidays. So there is a rather large stress pile that may contribute to increased anxiety. 
 

I am unsure if this is a brutal wave that seems to mirror my original adverse reaction and the initial weeks afterward. It is time to take my 6 am dose of hydroxyzine. I am unsure of what to do. If hydroxyzine caused my near panic attack last night, I assume it has turned paradoxical on me, as you warned. You said I may need to do a fast taper if that were to happen. However, it seems as if the symptoms may have been caused by my skipping doses. This was suggested to me by my psychiatric mental health NP two weeks ago when I told him how well I was doing. He wanted me to try skipping the afternoon dose to see what happened, because his goal is to have me stop taking it when it’s no longer necessary. He does not think I had an adverse reaction to Lexapro; he thinks I developed an anxiety episode due to the stress of my marriage that perhaps my brief trial of Lexapro exacerbated. I rationed that I was doing so well that perhaps my symptoms were gone, and since hydroxyzine is just an antihistamine I would be fine. 
 

I estimate I skipped my 2 pm dose of hydroxyzine four or five times over a two week period and felt fairly good. Then Sat, 12/25 I skipped my 6 am and 2 pm doses and took my 10 pm dose. Since then I have not missed any doses. Yesterday’s 6 am and 2 pm doses were uneventful for me, though I continued having my typical “wave-like” increases in symptoms of paresthesia, dysphoria, and akathisia that began Christmas day when I skipped two doses. Still not dramatic. The dramatic change in symptoms occurred an hour after my 10 pm dose (at bedtime) and caused me to wake fighting a panic attack. Typically my worst symptoms do present at night.
 

Last night, in order to fight the panic,  I practiced breathing techniques and acceptance and calm that I learned from the Claire Weekes method. I haven’t had to use those techniques for weeks, but they were successful for me. I slept fitfully and awoke in panic with a racing heart many times, but was able to calm myself and go back to sleep.
 

Do you think wave or paradoxical reaction? If I need to take my next dose in order to judge, do I take it on time and in the full dosage? I am terrified of what has happened the past 8 hours. I was able to sleep fitfully, but I awoke in full panic many times and had to calm myself. I feel very scared and out of control. 

Thank you.

[Phoenixmama]

❤️

[Lilmizz21]

@deg1979 hi lovely, so sorry to hear about this.

 

I just wanted to give you some of my take on things. When I suffered severe adverse reaction, I ended up being given another SNRI (which has sedative qualities) I was also being asked to take an anti histamine. 

 

I am only sharing because the SNRI did not help at all mentally, all it did was calm things down but it almost felt as if the lingering symptoms of the adverse reaction was always there. 

 

When I stopped this sedative effect (much like an anti histamine), I was hit like a ton of bricks from what I genuinely believe would always have been the outcome of the adverse reaction.

 

In my experience, the sedatives are masking what the adverse reaction healing would do, so masks the symptoms. And when you remove them you actually feel them more forcefully.

 

I dont know if this helps, or makes sense. Sorry just trying to give some insight as it's scary when you feel there is no answers. 💞

[deg1979]

Today I reached out to my regular dr, who I have been seeing for 15 years. She delivered two of my babies. She knows me pretty well. I wanted to ask her about functional medicine and epigenetics and nutritional therapies. She thinks that may be a key to healing for me, and she thinks I need to focus on that while continuing to take the hydroxyzine because, to put it mildly, the symptoms of my akathisia are intolerable. To put it another way, without some moderating mechanism, my akathisia will eventually lead me to jump off a cliff! So the plan is to try to compensate for some of my genetic mutations with nutritional and supplemental treatments, then when my symptoms completely resolve again, she wants me to do a slow wean off, probably not quite as slow as we do here on SA, but super slow, hold, wait for CNS stabilization, then cut, in the same way SA members do. I'm just glad to have a plan and something to work toward. My MTHFR genetic SNPs mean I am only able to methylate about 10% of the folate and other methylation nutrients I consume. So I'll be eating a crap ton of greens and taking a methylation support B multivitamin. I also have a Val/Val mutation in my COMT genes, so I metabolize dopamine, norepinephrine, and estrogen much faster than the average bear. Which I have found some readings on, saying that can contribute to akathisia and atypical responses to SSRIs and other psychiatric meds. Interestingly, my MTHFR mutation causes raised homocysteine levels in the body, which I'm sure contributed to my DVT and PE (blood clots) in February after my Covid vaccines. I did seem too unlucky to have two major adverse reactions within a one year span! I have been spending my free time devouring anything I can find on epigenetics. 

 

@Lilmizz21, I think there's a lot of truth to what you are saying. I agree that when the symptoms come back full force like that it's very shocking. And I am worried that hydroxyzine may be inhibiting the natural healing my brain may be capable of doing. I do want to stay alive, though, and I don't think I will be able to do that without the support of hydroxyzine at this time. I'm also going through a divorce and my one true love, my dog, (just kidding, kind of) just died last week. 2021 can kiss my lily white butt. 

 

@Phoenixmama, thank you for the love, I do keep up with all of your guys' threads, but I don't always comment. Sometimes I don't have anything to add. But you guys are all my support system, and even your posts on your own threads help me feel less alone. 

[Lilmizz21]

@deg1979 oh sorry, I didnt mean to word it like that. I've heard of stories of people healing just fine once off a drug and using an aid!! So dont worry about the brains capability of doing that. You must do what you need to, to keep going on this journey.

 

I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. I too have separated from my parnter through this after 4 years and to be honest he actually triggers me even if he contacts me now. I dont think he was healthy for my healing at all. Once again we must do what we need to, to survive. And you deserve to put first in this situation. Whether it be you putting yourself or others. 

 

Can I ask what meds you had AR to? Was your AR akathasia, how is your intrustive thoughts atm with the anti histamine? I too have thought about an aid. 💞

 

No matter what this journey brings, you've got this.

[deg1979]

I took Lexapro at 2.5 mg for six days the first week of September. That sixth day, I woke up at 1 am having a panic attack. I realized that’s what it was, though I’d never had one before. I calmed down and went back to bed. Three hours later, I awoke again to another panic attack, but this time it kept going on repeat. It kept beginning again after a few minutes respite. It was accompanied by a painful feeling of electricity shooting from my chest out to my extremities. My chest was tight, it was very difficult to breathe, and as the attacks kept going, I developed diarrhea and started vomiting. I was worried about serotonin syndrome, and intrusive thoughts began quite dramatically, telling me the only way to get it to stop was to kill myself. When I got to the ER, they had trouble getting it to stop as well. They ran many tests, and everything was OK, so they gave me Ativan and sent me home. I took the Ativan only at night a couple times after that, but several days after taking it the akathisia hit from nowhere. A burning feeling on my skin and in my body, an internal scream, the need to move constantly from psychomotor agitation, and the feeling of electricity was back. I felt like I was carrying an electrical charge in my veins. I had torturous intrusive thoughts, telling me I was worthless and a waste of space and a bad mother and that the only way out was to kill myself. Then it would go away for a couple hours. But then it would just descend upon me again. I couldn’t sleep at all, or just for an hour or less at a time. I’d jolt awake as if someone electrocuted me (yes, it’s a theme here!). The mornings and evening were the worst. I felt a need to walk constantly, so I took walks over and over again through the day. If I had to sit still it felt like I would explode. Screens like TVs and phones bother me; on bad days I can’t look at them. The phone yes, to some extent, with the backlight turned down. But a large screen TV would very quickly increase the akathisia and make me feel as though I would have a panic attack and lose my mind.

 

When I started taking the hydroxyzine, it was out of desperation, because I wanted to die so badly. I couldn’t take the mental torture anymore, and I didn’t want to risk a benzodiazepine addiction. I did have an rx for Klonopin, but my new psych provider said he would not write an rx for it (they gave it to me at my second ER visit). I used it very sparingly when I was desperate for sleep and had been up for 48 hours straight. Over the course of a month I began to notice symptoms of interdose withdrawal or a rebound effect, where 2 days after taking a Klonopin I’d have the worst psychological symptoms. Pure hell and torture. Such pain I didn’t know it was possible to feel. Some DP and DR episodes that genuinely terrified me, and all still combined with akathisia. 
 

I don’t know what Lexapro contributed and what Ativan and Klonopin contributed. I know they both added their own super fun symptoms to the mix. Hydroxyzine initially made me feel horrible—drugged and loopy, dizzy even. But I started taking 25 mg three times a day at the end of September, and slowly over the next three months felt almost completely healed—enough that I was confident in following my psych NP’s advice to start skipping doses. I should know better by now!

 

I have been keeping a food journal and symptom journal. I’ve discovered some foods definitely exacerbate my symptoms, and I genuinely don’t think they caused me any noticeable issues before. I have had a rash on my neck for a lot of this time, too. I seem incredibly sensitive to histamine containing or increasing foods. It’s exhausting to try to figure out what will and won’t make me feel worse! My regular dr told me to take some adaptogenic supplements—it was a horrible mistake and set me back, magnifying all my symptoms. 
 

I keep forgetting that our CNS does not like change right now. I get so frustrated with myself when I make a mistake like this. But at the same time, I have experienced dramatic improvements while taking hydroxyzine. Enough I thought I was healed. It’s not a magical pill. It worked gradually over time, but I have been eating a super clean diet, getting gentle exercise, meditating, and desperately trying to get good sleep. I still tend to wake up in the too early dark morning hours and have the urgent desire to pace. I guess 5 am is the worst time for my symptoms. Honestly, it has been that way since the AR. I think it’s morning cortisol, and I think it’s partly gotten better because it’s so darn dark right now at 5 am that my cortisol isn’t triggered by the sun coming up as much as it was earlier in the season.

 

I have read most of your posts, and it pains me so deeply to read of the collective suffering we all experience. 

[Greatful]

@deg1979

How are you doing?

I think my most difficult time is in the early mornings.  It can start around 4 am.  This is usually when I have the most out there thoughts, fear, anxiety, panic, brain panic and  a lot of times the most brain disconnect and dpdr irrational thinking.  Sometimes it will drag way into the day.

If I am going to have some ease it's generally in the evening.  I start to mistakenly think okay things will only get better from here on out.....

Then the early morning arrives and we get to start all over again.  I cherish to random morning were it almost gone. 

 

Hang in there❤️ 

 

[deg1979]

@Greatful, thank you for checking in. I’m pretty down and depressed. It feels like that inner scream. I try to just acknowledge and keep myself in the moment. I know it will pass. It always feels like too much, but if this journey has taught me anything, it’s that it always passes. 
 

I completely agree with you that 4 am-ish in the morning is the worst time for symptoms. I still panic wake every morning. Luckily, once I am conscious I am usually able to calm myself and go back to sleep. Like I’m so used to it by now that it isn’t quite as disturbing as before. 
 

I chose not to get my covid booster because I was terrified of having my symptoms get worse. I also had an adverse reaction to my second shot (DVT and pulmonary embolism). At the time, my dr and I were totally stumped because I am a very healthy runner (it had been hard to run since Lexapro—it does exacerbate my symptoms). Since then we found I have some homozygous genetic mutations that can lead to clots, so we think that contributed. We’re focusing on resolving some of those through many, many green veggies and some modest supplementation.
 

My five year old has a fever and some mild cold symptoms. All of my kids are up to date on their vaccines, so hopefully we’ll all be OK. I don’t think my husband has his booster, though. Crossing my fingers!

[Crochet]

@deg1979You've had a lot going on outside of withdrawal, too much.  I'm interested in learning more about these gene mutations, so I will try to do some research.  Even though I'm quiet, know that I am checking in on you and praying for you, for everyone, that healing is happening and complete recovery will come.

[Crochet]

@deg1979You've had a lot going on outside of withdrawal, too much.  I'm interested in learning more about these gene mutations, so I will try to do some research.  Even though I'm quiet, know that I am checking in on you and praying for you, for everyone, that healing is happening and complete recovery will come.

[deg1979]

I am here to report. I am doing much better. I have intrusive thoughts sometimes, but it’s more like a wave of very bad feelings that often happens in the evening as the sun is setting. Occasionally I wake up that way. I have found that I have mast cell activation disorder with screen sensitivity and histamine intolerance. I don’t think it is a coincidence. I think the Lexapro adverse reaction caused autonomic nervous system dysregulation, and this is how it is manifesting in me. It is manageable now, though. I am learning what things trigger the histamine reactions. The histamine reactions can come with a kind of chemical fear or anxiety, which is not necessarily common with histamine intolerance, but it’s also not unheard of. 
 

I sleep well most of the time. I found that my sleep issues in Dec/Jan/Feb were caused by the hydroxyzine I was taking. Somehow it was messing with my heart rate. My husband has had insomnia lately, and he noticed in my sleep my heart rate would speed up and slow down drastically for no reason. It happened when I was awake, too. My drs really wouldn’t listen to me about having an adverse reaction to Lexapro months after taking it for only six days, so they kept telling me I’d magically developed an anxiety disorder. I wrote so many symptoms of as that, even though I knew that didn’t really make sense to me. I was also told that hydroxyzine couldn’t turn paradoxical when I asked my psych NP. Um, yes, I believe it did, and Altostrata was once again correct. I almost stopped taking it in December because I was feeling much better. Then lots of stressful things happened at once so I decided to keep taking it. But that is when I believe hydroxyzine changed for me. At that point, it became something I believe my body was fighting. A stressor to my brain rather than a help. And it began causing major heart arrhythmia events that I did not recognize as being causes by it. One day my husband insisted I go to the hospital because my heart would race and then slow down. My pulse would pound in different places. My vision would begin to fade out. I couldn’t talk because I was out of breath. My hands and feet were tingling. And I was lying down the entire time! Before all of this I ran five or six days a week and have most of my life. I was in excellent shape. My BMI is 19, I’m not that old, it was just bizarre. The ER didn’t catch anything on the EKG, and after six hours waiting to be seen I didn’t feel as bad. I went home, took it easy, and then naively took my next dose of hydroxyzine. An hour later all symptoms came back in full force. I never took hydroxyzine again. My husband stayed up with me all night to make sure I was OK. 
 

In the weeks since I stopped taking hydroxyzine, I have seen major improvements. I think I am still battling autonomic nervous system dysregulation and will be for some time. For me that is mainly the screen sensitivity, waves of sadness or fear that often come on in the evening, and the histamine intolerance which can feel very much like chemical fear/anxiety. Somehow they are intertwined. I think I can see looking back into my pre-Lexapro days that I had symptoms of histamine intolerance, though I had no idea what that even was. Somehow the Lexapro destabilized my autonomic nervous system and caused everything to bloom and grow into something much more comprehensive. I think mast cells activated in my brain, which may cause my histamine/mood swing connection.

 

I found a wonderful program I love, but it is a little pricey. It is called the Gupta Program, but if anyone is interested after reading about it, just so you know, it’s really much of the same stuff everyone on here already suggests. You meditate, you retrain your negative thought patterns, you visualize yourself healthy and well in the future, you practice radical acceptance of your current symptoms. It has been really helpful for me, but doing all of those things without the program is also effective. 
 

I have hope for the future again. I also have a lot of fear of the future that I never had before this. It was by far the worst thing I ever experienced. I live in fear that I may have to take antibiotics and it could come back, or that I’ll get covid and it will trigger my symptoms, or anything else that could happen! I know that we all have those worries. I’m still working to understand my genetic mutations and how I can eat to “treat” myself. It can be hard, because some foods make me feel really awful right now! I am also trying and failing to do GAPS Intro right now, for anyone who knows what that is. I do think it has helped a lot. Anything that is putting stress on my body is helpful to pinpoint and try to avoid. 

[Crochet]

I am so glad to hear that you are doing better and that you've taken a lot of positive steps.  I, too, have histamine issues.  I ate a banana for the first time in a while and it just messed me up.  I've looked into GAPS as well, but am not able to put that kind of dedication in just yet.  I commend you for trying and failing.  I have moved towards animal based eating and it seems to have helped so far.  Take care, @deg1979

[StarShopping87]

How did you get tested for mast cell and histamines? 

[peaceandlove]

Hey how are you doing now ? @deg1979