Sunnylight: Sharing my story

[Sunnylight]

I would like to share my story. I am a woman, partner and mother of two wonderful children, and I live in the Netherlands. 

 

My experience with anti-depressants starts in August 2019.  At that time I was in a very dark and bad place. I had not been able to work for a while, had no social life, at one point I could not even take care of my children, even taking care of myself was difficult. I lay in bed for days, physically and mentally. All I wanted was peace and quiet and someone to take over my life and everything that came with it. I couldn’t do it anymore. 
 

Something had preceded this. More 6 years before that, my children's father and I had divorced. A surprise for me and a real break in my life. I no longer saw my children every day, which made me indescribably sad and suddenly I was on my own, also financially. The years that followed I tried to support my kids in their grief and to organize everything practically and financially. Blinders on and keep going. I gave myself too little time to be sad and to recover. And so the stress built up over the years. I was thin, restless and not well. Just as my life was beginning to move into calmer waters, my father became seriously ill. In addition to a lot of sadness, this period also causes a lot of stress. A lot of back and forth to the hospital, a admission in the IC and uncertainty on his recovery. He passed away in the spring of 2018. Instead of taking the time to grieve and recover, I kept going. It seems at the time that I couldn't do anything else. On with work, on with my life. Things went wrong in the summer of 2018. With insane pain in my head, I was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. I had a brain haemorrhage (SAB). Also after this I tried to pick up life. To take care of my children, to pick up my social life, to keep working. Unfortunately it was more difficult. And I had to let go of everything. By now I was so tense, that I could do less. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. I was sad and gloomy but also wanted to continue. My world had become very small. I experienced mood swings and in August 2019 I couldn't anymore. I was at the bottom.

 

In the meantime, a generalized anxiety disorder and mood disorder had been diagnosed. And I think I also had a burnout. 

 

I wanted a solution, because I saw no other way out. And I was happy that I could start taking anti-depressants. 50mg Sertraline. The first weeks were very intense, I had a lot of side effects, but I persevered and after about six weeks I started to feel a bit better. After about 8 weeks increased to 75mg. I could sleep again and that was wonderful. I regained some energy and felt less anxious. I could tolerate my children around me, listen to them, cook for them and take care of them again. I went outside more often, I could watch their sports again, it was fantastic. Gradually my world got a little bigger again. I fully enjoyed everything I could again: eating together, shopping for groceries, going outside, cycling, walking, having a drink in a cafe. After a year I also started working a few hours again and that went well, with a lot of rest in between, and with trial and error. I was happy and grateful.  After more than a year on the anti-depressants, December 2020 seemed like a good time to wean off. I did this under the guidance of the doctor. I didn't notice the first step from 75mg to 50mg. Neither the step from 50mg to 37.50mg. The next steps were difficult. I went from 37.5mg to 25mg and got sick like I had a fever and didn't feel well. The next steps went from 25mg to 12.5mg again I didn't feel well. I have all kinds of physical symptoms: I feel dizzy and loud noises come in loudly, I am tired and restless at the same time, my skin vibrates and tingles, my head is heavy and cottony, I feel nauseous. At the time I was not sufficiently aware of the fact that these could be withdrawal symptoms. It made me insecure. I have doubts, am I this without AD, am I with the consequences of a brain haemorrhage? The symptoms didn't really go away, but they do get better over time. I continue to wean off. From 12.5mg to 6mg. I have to cut my pills and it's a hassle. One time it will be 6mg, the other time 4mg or 8mg. Then I go away for the night and forget my AD. I decide to stop. On June 19, 2021 I took my last pill. My doctor had already indicated that this dose would not do anything anymore. So I might as well stop altogether. And that was a bad decision.

 

I immediately get the most bizarre headaches, have trouble with my balance (as if I am walking on ice floes), am dizzy, nauseous, feel sick, have the flu. I can't stand sound, it feels like sounds are entering my body. After 2 weeks it gets a little less, I have a good weekend and then it starts again. I can bear little I am irritated and easily angry. That was almost 4 months ago now. The things I experience now: I still have a lot of headaches, a kind of pressure and also headaches in different places. Like there's some kind of claw on my head. I can tolerate few stimuli and noises, I am tired and often feel sick. I have little energy. Can't concentrate well. Difficulty focusing my eyes. I have the physical symptoms of anxiety: my heart is pounding, my breath is high, I feel tense but I am not anxious in thoughts. I feel restless and tense at the same time. It all resembles complaints I had before, only I am not anxious nor depressed now, I think. Because it affects my life so much and is so limiting, it makes me insecure. Maybe I should start with AD again and then taper off even more slowly with tapering strips. Take more time and reduce smaller steps? Or hold on to this and hopefully things get better?

 

Edited October 10, 2021 by ChessieCat
extracted text from attached document & deleted attachment

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  You have come to the right place.  I'm deeply sorry for all the pain and grief you have endured - the divorce, caring for and then losing your father, your own health issues.  I can certainly understand why you became anxious and burned out.  How is your sleep?  Are you able to eat normally?  

 

I would like to request that you please paste the text into your posts, rather than posting attachments?  Attachments pose the risk of carrying viruses, and are harder for us to work with.  Thank you.  

 

Can you please give us specific information about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.   This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications. 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

What is Happening in Your Brain

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Also, as we are recovering, we suggest keeping things slow, simple, and stable. 

 

Keep it Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

You could possibly try a very small reinstatement.  Going back on a small dose of your drug, which we call reinstatement, is best done very carefully.  This is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this.  There is some risk involved, and we need more specifics about your drug history before we can suggest a good dose at which to reinstate.  Here is some information about reinstatement.  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

I've given you quite a bit of information here.  Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take heart.  We in this forum have been through this, and we understand first hand the pain and discomfort you are going through.  Please know that the brain is amazing in it's healing abilities.  It takes time, but healing can and will happen. 

Edited October 11, 2021 by getofflex

[Sunnylight]

Dear getofflex,

 

Thank you so much for your quick respons and your kind words. Also thank you for all the information you have given me, and the links.
 

To start with, I have adjusted my signature, I hope this is clear.

My sleep is still ok. When I was on medication it was better so I definitely notice a difference since I quit the AD but fortunately it is still good enough. Now it takes a while (maximum 45 minutes) to fall asleep and often I wake up early around 5.30/6 but most of the time I dose of for another hour or so. Most off the mornings I wake up with a beating heart, as if something is wrong. But it is just my body, I have no stressing thoughts at that moment.

 

Also I am able to eat properly. I had some moments of acute nausea, during dinner. All of a sudden I was super nauseous and couldn't eat one more bite (and felt kind of sick as well). Happened a few times, a few weeks ago, also a strange experience.

 

Well, I will be exploring the information and links you have sent me.

Thank you so much for now.

I have been following this platform for a few months now and decided it was time for me to join in!

 

 

[getofflex]

On 10/10/2021 at 5:50 AM, Sunnylight said:

Maybe I should start with AD again and then taper off even more slowly with tapering strips. Take more time and reduce smaller steps? Or hold on to this and hopefully things get better?

You stopped your drug 4 months ago.  Have you seen any improvement in your symptoms in the past 4 months?  Overall, on average, do you feel better, even if just slightly better, than you did 4 months ago?

 

 It is very good that you are able to sleep and eat normally.  

[Sunnylight]

Thank you so much for your reply geofflex. And sorry for my late response. Yes, I am very happy that my sleep is pretty good, I know how it is when you are not sleeping well. I am keeping a diary and I definitely feel a bit better at times now than I did four months ago. I had a about three bad weeks in a row and then it is diificult to see the perspective. Last week I had a couple of good days and then I feel I can persevere. From yesterday on I feel it is getting a bit worse again. I can feel al kinds of sensations in my head and that means I am more sensitive to noises, more tired, more of a 'sick' feeling, more irritated. Just more difficult to face live. But overall the hours/ days when I feel better are getting longer I think.

I am thinking about trying magnesium and fish oil. I have reached out to an orthomoleculair to help me assist with this. There are different kind of magnesium as well I see, there is a lot to choose from.

[getofflex]

It sounds like you do not need to go back on an AD since you are improving. This is risky as often people cannot tolerate the AD like they could before due to the system being sensitized. When you get in a wave try to remind yourself of your windows.  Keep a bigger perspective on it.  It’s tempting to think, when we feel so bad, that this is permanent and to panic and think we need to fix this.  I’ve seen so many jump back on the drugs and end up in worse shape than before.    Hang in there this too shall pass. Try and come up with an action plan for how to cope with symptoms in non drug ways.  

[Sunnylight]

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! And so quick! Yes, I will try to hang in and will think of ways to cope with the symptons that will definitely come.....

[Sunnylight]

After a couple of days doing 'fine', (which felt actually really good off course!) I have been feeling bad and this is getting worse since almost a week now. I feel like a have the flu, I feel sick, with extreme headaches in different parts of my head, headpressure and tingling sensations in my head. I have chills, my skin is trembling and then I also have a little bit of a fever. I feel lightheaded and dizzy as if I am going to faint. And although I know I will problably don't, it is still disrupting and a bit scary. Even though I felt this slowly coming back last week, it is still so hard to keep your cool when you are in the middle of it. It is hard to remember how I felt when I felt ok, even though that's only days ago. It is like I am in a totally different world now. I keep talking to myself to take it easy, and telling myself this will pass to and things will get better.

[Sunnylight]

There is thing I am wondering about. Is there already an explanation on why it is that some people get so many withdrawal symptoms when tapering down or quiting AD, while others have no problem starting or quitting? I have been reading a lot and the way this withdrawal syndrome works and it really makes sense to me. But I am curious how come that certain people do not have any problems at all?

[Sunnylight]

More than two and half weeks now already. I am feeling so bad. It is hard to function while having constants headaches, extreme fatigue and a overall feeling of being sick, of having the flu. It is hard to take care of my kids and get some work done. I am feeling so miserable. I am really loosing hope that it will get better, actually it is getting worse by the day. It feels so lonely as nobody really understands. I hope someone can relate. I am thinking of all those other people who are going through this. Thank you.

[getofflex]

Are you drinking any alcohol or using any mood altering substance?

Are you doing intense exercise?  

Do you have any major stressors in your life?  

Have there been any significant changes to your diet or routine? 

Have you added in any supplements? 

Are there things in your diet like MSG, aspartame, or lots of processed or fast foods?

 

It the answer to the above questions is no, the only way we know to reduce withdrawal symptoms is to reinstate.  Let's start with 2 mg of sertraline each day.  The purpose of a reinstatement is to reduce the severity of withdrawal symptoms.  It will probably take about a week to feel the benefit of this.  It takes that long for it to get into your system and register with your brain.  If it makes you feel significantly worse, stop it immediately.  Eventually, after you stabilize, you would then gradually taper off of this.  Here is some information about reinstatement:  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Symptoms

 

Here is a link with info about how to measure this dose:  

 

Tips for Tapering Sertraline

 

Please keep us posted with what you decide to do, and how you are feeling. 

 

 

Edited November 5, 2021 by getofflex

[getofflex]

@Sunnylight I'm going to need to take a break for a while.  I'm concerned for you, and want you to have the help you need.  To get help, tag another staff member.  Type "@" followed by the name, like I tagged you for this post.  You will see a list of names that match.  Select the appropriate name.  Some of the staff members are: Onmyway, Go2zero, hayduke, Kiasofia, apace41, DataGuy.  

Edited November 6, 2021 by getofflex

[Sunnylight]

Thank you so much for your messages @getofflex! So kind of you to think of me, especially and even in times when you yourself need to take a break. Also thoughtful to inform me on how to contact others. I am going to read the information you have sent me about reinstating and consider that as an option. I want to wish you all the best and again thank you a lot for caring about me and my situation, that means a lot to me! Greeting from the Netherlands.

 

[Greatful]

@SunnylightHi, I wanted to stop by and welcome you to SA.  I so want to connect with you and share are brain sensations.  I have not read of to may others with similar feelings, or at least they do not mention them. I have the most debilitating brain pressure, tingling, like you pain in, different areas that move around the brain, you it can feel like a vice grip squeezing my temples in, or the top of my head is crushing in. This all makes it really hard to think and processes things.  Dizziness, sometimes when I stand up I almost faint.   I also have noise sensitivity, my ears feel tender and like the are filling up with pressure.  Do you have tingling or a feeling of energy running through your body?  I get brain panic also.   The flu like symptoms and the fatigue are tiring. 

On a positive note some of my early WD symptoms, d/p d/r, near delusional thinking, are much  better.  The brain does heal, it is the patience to give it the  time it needs to do so.

I have no answers on what you should do for staying put or reinstating, it is all a guessing game and how much you can tolerate

 

Hang in there.  I am really impressed with your strength to battle this with no support in the home.  Do you have any support?

  

  

[Sunnylight]

hello @Greatful thank you so much for stopping by and checking in with me, that's do kind of you! Thank you also for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I am sorry to hear that you struggle with all those headpains and strange feelings. I will read through your story later but I get a first impression from your signature. The head pain and pressure are really annoying, it differs daily of what exactly it is and it what place. I have headaches, pressure on the (fore)head, a kind of foggyness, the feeling some kind of 'claw' is gripping my head and most of all tingling feelings at different places in my head. The tingling feeling in itself is not so bad but it always corresponds with sensitivity to sound and an overall sensitivity as not be able to handle very much. I have had days when the head things were gone and than everything lifts up and I am feeling oke-ish 🙂
 

I do have some support, which is great but I do not feel they can support me in this peticulair withdrawal situation. Noboby recognizes it and/or is able to help. I really find that support here on SA. The support I have is: Because I have had a stroke/ Sub archochial hemorrhage I still have occasional support from the rehabilitation center. Besides that I frequently (every 3 weeks) see a psychologist and a haptonoom. I find the haptonoom (haptic massage) the best support of all 😉 It helps me to feel, to connect to my body. I walk every day, and do yoga, meditation on a almost daily basis. That's about it.

 

How are you doing today? Is the sun shining in Minnesota? Wishing you all the best from Holland.

 

 

[Kat66]

How are you doing today @Sunnylight? x

[Sunnylight]

Thank you for asking @Kat66 so kind of you! I get notifications when you post something (I don't know how that happened ;-)) so I was just reading the conversation between you and @Greatful Such beautiful thoughts are shared and encouriging words are said, they resonate with me and my situation and they help me as well. Your experiences, your thoughts, your doubst they could have been mine 🙂 I have had to focus on my self for 3,5 years no already (after my brain injury), with some more space when things got better (when I was on the AD) and unfortunately a lot space less since I have been lowering and stopped. I find it hard to have 'gotten out a bit': seeing my family and friends a bit more, going to places, and now I have to go back inwards again. I have to say no to people and things I would like to say yes to. That doesn't always feel easy. So even after all these years practising now, I am struggling. I am trying to keep things small and enjoy and appreciate them: a little chat with one of my children, a walk outside with the sun on my face, cooking a simple but nice dinner, just lying on my bed breathing and feeling quite calm, having a nice treat with my coffee.

I am sending love and positive vibes from Holland!

[Kat66]

On 11/16/2021 at 6:57 PM, Sunnylight said:

 I have had to focus on my self for 3,5 years no already (after my brain injury), with some more space when things got better (when I was on the AD) and unfortunately a lot space less since I have been lowering and stopped. I find it hard to have 'gotten out a bit': seeing my family and friends a bit more, going to places, and now I have to go back inwards again. I have to say no to people and things I would like to say yes to. That doesn't always feel easy. So even after all these years practising now, I am struggling. I am trying to keep things small and enjoy and appreciate them: a little chat with one of my children, a walk outside with the sun on my face, cooking a simple but nice dinner, just lying on my bed breathing and feeling quite calm, having a nice treat with my coffee.

I am sending love and positive vibes from Holland!

You are doing such a great job of looking after yourself and your needs @Sunnylight...and let's face it, that's all we can do during this time of WD. I'm so pleased to hear you're getting some enjoyment from these little things. Sending healing thoughts your way xx

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight

Please join at anytime to our posts.  This can be a very isolating journey on our home front we need to feel connected and heard and where else would be the best place to turn to but those in the same boat.❤️  

You are a doing a great job, my goodness you have gone through some hard times.  Please continue to practice self care and love.

 

How are you doing today?

[Sunnylight]

Thank you @Greatful for the invitation, yes I will. It is such a warm and welcoming place this, especially when you can connect with eachother. The last few days have been quite good exactly. I keep a diary and score each day with a number 1 - 10. Just to keep track a bit. Especially when I feel down it looks like is has always been like that. It hasn't been a sufficient for 3 1/2 weeks now (was below 5.5) and it above that now for the last 2 days. My head symptons are more mild and it feels like everything is lifting up because of that: the brain fog, my level of irritation, my head, my face and my overall mood. I still get tired soon and, am easily overstimulated and have trouble processing information but is definitely feels nice 🙂

How are you doing? What do your days look like? I am just curious. What things you (can) do to cope with all your symptons? When I read your reactions it feels like you are really strong mentally, which is an inspiration for me!

[Sunnylight]

21 hours ago, Kat66 said:

You are doing such a great job of looking after yourself and your needs @Sunnylight...and let's face it, that's all we can do during this time of WD. I'm so pleased to hear you're getting some enjoyment from these little things. Sending healing thoughts your way xx

@Kat66 It has been a long journey and I had a lot of time to overthink and adjust things and I am still in the middle of this learning process. It feels like I have to reprogramme a lot of things I was brought up with, that society 'tells' me and that I am demanding from myself. And you are right that's the best we can do for now, so let's try to surrender to it, that's makes this journey more bearable. Hope you are ok as you can be and sending back some love!

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight

13 minutes ago, Sunnylight said:

The last few days have been quite good exactly. I keep a diary and score each day with a number 1 - 10.

I rate my symptoms throughout the day. and rate the night, dawn, morning, afternoon, evening.  I use 1-5   1 good and 5 the worst.

I have abbreviations to right down  ie.  NS is for noise sensitivity,  LM= low mood, BP=brain panic I have a whole list of them, so I can watch the

symptoms more on a daily basic.  

24 minutes ago, Sunnylight said:

My head symptons are more mild and it feels like everything is lifting up because of that: the brain fog, my level of irritation, my head, my face and my overall mood. I still get tired soon and, am easily overstimulated and have trouble processing information but is definitely feels nice

What a nice relief🌞  If you still have plenty of WD symptoms they are so much lighter, it feels like maybe I can do this.  I dream of the day when I have a complete window☺️ 

 

24 minutes ago, Sunnylight said:

It has been a long journey and I had a lot of time to overthink and adjust things and I am still in the middle of this learning process. It feels like I have to reprogramme a lot of things I was brought up with, that society 'tells' me and that I am demanding from myself.

There sure is a lot of self/emotional healing for a lot of us in WD.   It took WD and the total break down to come face to face with how broken I am inside.  It is a double edge sword though,  Trying to heal with trauma, distorted thoughts/how distorted your believes about yourself and then trying to do it WD with a broken brain,  but you have to wonder it you would have ever face your self under the dulled emotions from the drugs..... Just think of how much stronger we will be after all this......A brain that works and how to debunk any distorted thoughts. 

A big on is learning self love❤️

41 minutes ago, Sunnylight said:

I am just curious. What things you (can) do to cope with all your symptons? When I read your reactions it feels like you are really strong mentally, which is an inspiration for me!

Thank you, you are so sweet.  I sure don't feel very strong or mentally strong at all.  All you have to do is talk to my hubby and let him tell you about all the melt downs, panic, and self doubt.  I have a very low self esteem and beat myself up quite a lot. 

 

I have my faith, a wonderfully patient hubby, wonderful children (some  know more of what's going on then others) the great people here on SA.(man there are so many of us in this mess, I don't think we could ever connect with them all). Sharing stories, pain, encouragement all help out.

Meditation helps with the mind/thoughts/ I am slowly learning self love/accepting who I am and to actually like myself, trying to accept  the day and how I am feeling  that  day,  this is a struggle for me,  I hate it, but for me learning to take a day at a time and looking at it as this is happening to me, this is not me.   Some like to say "I have temporary chemical  brain injury or brain injury."   Now to try add in the patience and self care.  UGH 

I am sure I will be crying on your should soon❤️

[getofflex]

5 hours ago, Sunnylight said:

My head symptons are more mild and it feels like everything is lifting up because of that: the brain fog, my level of irritation, my head, my face and my overall mood. I still get tired soon and, am easily overstimulated and have trouble processing information but is definitely feels nice 🙂

I'm glad to hear that you are improving and feeling better.  It sounds like you have some good self care practices in place.  

[Kat66]

How are you doing at the moment @Sunnylight ? x

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight

Do you have support at home.  You are in a tight spot. You jumped off at 6mg wow.  Maybe you and Aquarius can share notes.  She jumped of the same drug at 6mg the same time you did in June.  

You women are so strong❤️

 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight  Stopping by to see how you are doing?

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight  Stopping by to see how you are doing?

[Kat66]

Yeah I was wondering how you were too @Sunnylight? x

[Sunnylight]

Dear @Kat66 thank you for checking in on me, for the second time already 🙏 also @Greatful thank you for stopping by and asking about me. I have not been on SA for a while but I have been reading the updates from both of you that I got through me email. And I am sorry to hear that your father passed away @Greatful I sorry for your loss and give you my condolonces.
 

Also the both of you are going through some much, I cannot believe the suffering this withdrawal is bringing on both of you. It must be so hard to keep going. And you are, which is an accomplishment in itself. I hope you feel proud of yourselves!

I will give a bit of an update how I have been since the end of november.  And use this for myself as a diary. From the end of november I have been feeling quite ok-ish for two weeks I think. I could get through the day easy enough, take care of my kids and do my 10 hours work job. Nothing more but it felt just fine J

Than december came and it has been such a full month for me. I had leakage in my bathroom for a long time already and water was flowing in my kitchen. So it really had to get fixed. So the bathroom had to be constructed: the house was a big mess, stuff everywhere, no shower and people in my house every day. To busy, to much stimulation and no placet to ‘escape’. At the same time we got in another lockdown, the kids were home from scool. My daugher’s birthday came along and it was Christmas. Being around people is way to busy and stimulated for me, I just can not handle it.

So after a few good weeks, from the 10 december I felt overwhelmed, everything seems to much, I was shaking, having headaches, was very much overstimulated, supertensed. My whole system/ CNS felt of balance again. I think that was the reason that I did not go on SA, all the information and stories was just to much for my brain to handle.

This all came to a peak this week and now I have been in bed for the last days, feeling sick, totally exhausted, overwhelmed, I have a fewer, and worst I feel so tensed that I got unreasonably mad at my daughter. I feel so bad about it. My heart is pounding in my chest, in my head and in my back constantly.

The complicated thing is that I have had brain haemorrhage (SAB) three years ago so this might also be the result of that. Overstimulation is a common sympton and all the others things (sicknes, headache, exhausting) can be a result from that. I don’t know if it is that of also withdrawal? My whole CNS feels so supertense and every little noise hurts in my body.

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight

You are amazing.  Working and having a family to take care of is a lot and now you are doing it in WD and recovering from a brain SAB too.

Wow you also had some time that you felt okay-ish.  That shows there is hope for us all to heal from these brain alternating drugs.

You will come out of this wave soon❤️  Let your body rest and don't be hard on yourself.

 

I have to sometimes  take time away from SA too.  Sometimes we have only the energy to take care of ourselves and the stimulation can only make it harder on ourselves.. 

 

Thank you for your kind words❤️

[Sunnylight]

Thank you @Greatful your kind words come at a good time. 
I feel so bad and lonely, haven't been outside for three days now. Quite a way to end the year, exhausted, sick, alone and feeling very sad. I know I shouldn't let myself get down by my thoughts but I fysically feel bad so it is hard. Hope you have your loved one(s) around you and wish you a year of progress 🙏

[Sunnylight]

Is there anybody here on SA who has experience with a brian injury (like brain haemorrhage (SAB)) in combination with taking antidepressants? I am curious if what I am going through is (partly) caused by my brain injury. Just would love to hear experiences. I was doing so much better when I was on Sertraline so maybe the AD helps with coping the results of my brain injury? Maybe one of the moderators have something to say about this? Thank you in advance 🙏 and have a loving and healing 2022  ❤️

[Kat66]

22 hours ago, Sunnylight said:

from the 10 december I felt overwhelmed, everything seems to much, I was shaking, having headaches, was very much overstimulated, supertensed. My whole system/ CNS felt of balance again. I think that was the reason that I did not go on SA, all the information and stories was just to much for my brain to handle.

 

This all came to a peak this week and now I have been in bed for the last days, feeling sick, totally exhausted, overwhelmed, I have a fewer, and worst I feel so tensed that I got unreasonably mad at my daughter. I feel so bad about it. My heart is pounding in my chest, in my head and in my back constantly.

 

The complicated thing is that I have had brain haemorrhage (SAB) three years ago so this might also be the result of that. Overstimulation is a common sympton and all the others things (sicknes, headache, exhausting) can be a result from that. I don’t know if it is that of also withdrawal? My whole CNS feels so supertense and every little noise hurts in my body.

 

Hey @Sunnylight I'm so sorry to read you've gone back into a wave. I can totally relate to the feeling overwhelmed by too many people, and it's awful that you're still dealing with the aftermath of a brain haemorrhage ON TOP of dealing with WD. This time of year can be so hard for people can't it!!! Stay strong and be super gentle with yourself. You'll get through this wave xxx

[getofflex]

Try doing a site search on "brain injury".  This link explains how.  How to do a Site Search

 

I have no personal experience with brain injury.   Good luck finding information about this.   

[Sunnylight]

Thank you @getofflex

[Sunnylight]

I thought I would give an update. I have been more than six months of Sertraline now.

I have been in a wave for more than two weeks now. Or maybe it is not a wave but a result/ backset from my brain injury or maybe it is a relapse from me previous situation from before I was on medication. I don't know. I have been in bed for most of the days: exhausted, with a fewer (38.5 - 39), feeling very weak and sick. But most of all with a very tensed nervous system, my heart is punding in my chest, in my back and in my head, my throth is narrow. As if I am in a very dangerous situation but than 24/7. My system is ON and ready to fight or flight. Resting has not yet make it any better yet. It is exhausting and makes me shaky. Every little move I make (walking down the stairs, doing laundry drives my heartbeat up like crazy) I have trouble falling asleep (after 1 1/2 hour) and wake up early I cannot stand any noise, it hurts in my body. Today I went to the shop to get some groceries but I couldn't handle all the people, noises, lights got a meltdown and had to go home. I am happy my partner is here to help and support me but I still feel very lonely and sad. He is also the one who gets my anger when that comes to a meltdown.

Because it is Christmis holiday I have been off from work these past weeks and the kids have been at their dads a lot. But they come back tomorrow and works starts again Monday but I don't know how I can do it.

 

I cannot remember when I felt this tensed and sensitive to stimules. Maybe it was before I was on medicatiion. But than the situation was much different, I hardly slept and was desperate. I am insecure now and have doubts but I am not desperate. I just hope that it is withdrawal because than I have some hope it will get better over time. If it is my brain injury it will stay with me, than this is it. But that would be strange because I have felt much better than this in the past months.

Would be nice to hear from others. Thinking of everybody who is dealing with this. Sending love and kindness ❤️