AzaanMalik: Cold turkey of Escitalopram 20mg, Clonazepam 0.25 mg and (Trifluoperazine 5mg+Trihexyphenidyl 2mg)

[AzaanMalik]

I feel like my case is very different and I feel it's weird too, but by taking a look at this website, I felt positivity after a long time and some hope too that I may find some help here. It goes like this. I went on a website. So I was using a phone earlier, it was a cheap phone, rear camera was good but a very bad quality selfie camera and it doesn't take good pictures. Now when I went to that website, you could meet people and talk to them, when I opened the camera, I was not looking good, I saw it and laughed and said this camera makes me look so bad and I thought I should get a better phone. I know this sounds weird, most of my initial story is weird and it took me months to understand the issues. Now I was scrolling, and talked with a few, but constantly I was feeling like I'm not looking good. Now other people were normal good or ok, many even better. (Please read this carefully and I hope you understand all this). But I felt like most were looking better than me and I felt like a bad looking person infront of them, even though I don't look anything like that in real life. After talking to a few, I had some work, so I closed the website. But I felt something was different. I was feeling somewhat sad, I felt like I don't want to do my work. I am a dentist, at that time I was an intern, in the same hospital where I did my studies. I liked my work. At that time, I had a patient who would come for an RCT, and I liked doing it because I was gaining experience and you can say learning complex cases too. But after I closed that website, I didn't understand why, but I said to myself, I don't want to do that RCT. I didn't want to do it now, I felt a loss of interests in general. I felt somewhat bad too, a bad feeling.  I knew that something had happened on internet, on that website, because before that I was a person with a completely normal mental health. So I would constantly think about it, what the hell happened there, I would ask myself. Then I used to think of ideas, maybe this happened, or that, I thought, thought and thought but I was still feeling the same, somewhat incomplete, feeling bad, and not so much interest in the things I liked doing earlier.

 

For about 12 days, I waited, I would just try to understand the cause of all this, but all in vain. Then, I finally thought maybe this is all real, maybe I have a mental disease, I went to a psychiatrist, he told me I have mild to moderate depression, but I felt he wasn't sure. On 28 January 2021, I went to another doctor, who said it's not depression but anxiety. Being desperate, I gave in. I asked him to do CBT, if he had done CBT, I probably would be better in days or a few weeks, but he insisted on medication and that's how I started on the medication. It's as follows:- 1st day- Escitalopram 10mg and (Trifluoperazine 5mg+Trihexyphenidyl 2mg).

I took the medication and next day I woke up with somewhat a dreamy state, I went to the doctor, he said people may feel like this for the first few days, so he added - Clonazepam 0.25 mg. Next day I didn't feel any dreamy state. I took this medication for 15 days, once daily. After 15 days, doctor asked me, how do I feel, and I said maybe somewhat better, but the real issue is still lingering, then he said let's up the dose. He upped the dose of escitalopram to 20 mg. So 10 mg in morning and 10 mg after dinner. Rest of the medicines same. I went there again after 15 days, he asked me, I said the same thing, somewhat better but some thing is still bothering me, and it's still there, I am not still able to understand, what went wrong on that website. He said, I am better now, I would get even better, told me to come after 1 month. This was on 1st March 2021.

 

After all this time on medication, I was still not much different, my real problem was still there. I would keep thinking, what's wrong, what happened on that website. But something happened on 6th of  March 2021, we had a seminar and other events about dentistry in the hospital. I saw something, I mean I observed something, not in the seminar, and many people had come there, and I suddenly I realised a thing. I instantly thought about that website, I now understand the PROBLEM, I understand what happened wrong there, because of what I observed that day. I realised, and I said to myself, "OH OK! NOW I understand the damn thing, what went wrong there, OMG! What a nightmare!". So I thought, actually what happened there was, I felt like a bad looking person in front of other male guys who were looking good or ok. That's what made me feel bad, but I didn't realise this earlier, nor could I think about something like this earlier. It was like some thought was inside my head, closed, and I couldn't think of it, like it was in my subconscious or something, but I couldn't realise it, and that's why I was feeling like this. After this, I INSTANTLY felt normal, all of those bad feelings and other things that I was feeling were gone, instantly. I'm pretty sure, that I did not require that medication, probably CBT, that could've worked or maybe I just needed to wait, but NOT medication. (Please tell me, what this was about, what could be this, can this really happen "thought locked up in mind").

 

Next day I went to the doctor, I told the doctor I'm feeling fine and I told him about my thoughts. He said it's great but he can't stop the medication, I said I don't require, but he said he can't now. First he will do some CBT sessions. I agreed. But I was also feeling weird because of that medication, I was feeling like I was a LITTLE overconfident, a LITTLE too happy, it was probably some form of hypomania, I didn't knew it then though. Ofcourse I wasn't feeling any other symptoms than the above mentioned ones, and certainly not that severe. I realised these symptom after the doctors visit, but I may have been feeling it before then, I'm not sure. So I felt like, this medication is doing something wrong and no good, and also there is no need to take it. So I took a decision to stop it without doctor's permission. I was feeling confident that I wouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms that would be too bothersome. So I cold turkey all the medication on 21 March 2021. It was probably a bad decision which I thought of only after a few months. 

 

After cold turkey, for about 5 weeks, I had no withdrawal symptom, nothing at all, not even a headache. I felt happy. But after 5 weeks, on 26 April 2021, I felt anxiety, with physical symptoms like chest tightness, I went to a regular doctor, he said nothing wrong with lungs, it's anxiety. It was mild, but I could see a pattern of a increase in anxiety, it's intensity, then I felt other symptom, like mind fog, attention problems maybe due to anxiety. Some days I would feel better, as if I'm getting better and all this will go, but when it was over my symptoms were even worse, physical symptoms of anxiety got worse and worse. I was even feeling like I'm swaying while walking like I have balance issues, but again only anxiety. 2 brief episodes of depression in between (would last for 3 or 4 days). So all these symptoms, anxiety and others, increased in intensity for about 5 months since CT. After this the physical symptoms went down, considerably, I'm still feel it sometimes but less often and very mild in intensity. But after 5 months, I have a lot of anxiety (without physical symptoms), a I think depression too. Till 5 months I was worried about those symptoms, but after that since I started feeling the present symptoms I'm more worried now and i feel like I've only gotten worse, and have a feeling like it may get even worse. I have negative thoughts all the time, a feeling like I want to cry (mild), anxiety, and probably depression, I do feel sad, and sometimes I have a dark feeling, today weather changed, it was cold today, I felt more depression today, probably. I went to one psychiatrist, and he told me that I probably do have developed some hypomania due to that medication but he didn't tell me about prolonged withdrawal though. He suggested I take (Risperidone 2mg + Trihexyphenidyl 2mg). But I didn't go forward with the medication, and I waited, because I can't blindly believe psychiatrists now. 

 

So this is my story. Presently these symptoms are making me worse everyday. I feel like I don't even want to do anything professionally. I had big plans ahead, I wanted to go for Masters, and do good in dentistry. But today, I feel like my life is a joke professionally. I have lost interest also. And I have never in my life felt like this, never felt any of these symptoms, so I'm sure it's all because of these medications I took. I hope you read all this and help me understand my situation better and know what exactly is happening to me. It's been about 7 months since CT and I feel I'm nowhere still. Does this stay with us for a long time, and when can I feel I'm getting better. It would be so grateful to you if you help me get answers to these questions. Thank you. 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @AzaanMalik

 

This is a site for going off psychiatric drugs and recovering from withdrawal syndrome. Which of your symptoms do you attribute to withdrawal syndrome?

 

It sounds like your self-confidence was shaken and now you are sabotaging potential professional success. You might want to seek counseling from a real psychotherapist.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[AzaanMalik]

Earlier I was feeling mind fog, attention problems, a feeling of imbalance while walking, sometimes I felt like I'm walking on water, and I was bothered by all these symptoms, but after 5 months since CT, all these were almost gone. It's like now I have fragments of it left.

 

Currently, I have anxiety, depression too ( depression on the lower side though), I get so many negative thoughts about my future and other things, I feel like I can't handle stress, I have difficulty conversing with people, like when I'm talking I can't keep the same pace, and I think I have started to feel social anxiety too, sometimes I think that I am afraid of people, that I won't be able to talk to them properly or will get nervous, or they would take me as a mentally unstable person, that makes me more anxious and stressful. Then the social stigma about mental illness in the place where I live, it's a problem too, there may be stigma in a place like America too, but in the Indian subcontinent, it's just too much. It's difficult to live a life of dignity here, if you have a mental issue. Also, I am a dentist, I have deal with people face to face, that concerns me about my future more. Sometimes I think, what the hell will happen to me, where do I go. 

 

I went the same psychiatrist, a few days ago, he was listening to me carefully, and as I went along and told him about my symptoms, I could easily note that he knew that all this is happening to me because of the medication. Then he asked me, "what do you want from me"? I said to him, I think I never needed this medicine of yours to which he didn't reply and told me to be specific about my current symptoms. Then he said, I should take Fluvoxamine (Luvox). I personally think I should not take this medicine. Can I ask for your opinion. Also, should I take any psychiatric medicine at all if a doctor tells me to. And yeah, therapy sounds good, I may go forward with that. 

 

 

 

 

[AzaanMalik]

Can I also ask what drug do you think might be responsible for withdrawal symptoms. Is it Lexapro, Klonopin or the other two drugs. And also can you tell me when does a person start to feel better, and how long can this thing stay with us. Can it take a very long time, like years?

[Altostrata]

11 hours ago, AzaanMalik said:

Earlier I was feeling mind fog, attention problems, a feeling of imbalance while walking, sometimes I felt like I'm walking on water, and I was bothered by all these symptoms, but after 5 months since CT, all these were almost gone. It's like now I have fragments of it left.

 

Currently, I have anxiety, depression too ( depression on the lower side though), I get so many negative thoughts about my future and other things, I feel like I can't handle stress, I have difficulty conversing with people, like when I'm talking I can't keep the same pace, and I think I have started to feel social anxiety too

 

It's good to hear you have seen some recovery in 5 months from cold turkey. We know recovery from withdrawal syndrome is very slow and gradual. It's very likely your current state is the latter part of withdrawal syndrome, you are still recovering.

 

If you are patient, you probably will see continued recovery over the next year if you don't have another drug mishap. We see that alcohol and antibiotics can cause a resurgence of withdrawal symptoms. You may react badly to additional psychiatric drugs at normal dosages.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, AzaanMalik said:

Can I also ask what drug do you think might be responsible for withdrawal symptoms. Is it Lexapro, Klonopin or the other two drugs. And also can you tell me when does a person start to feel better, and how long can this thing stay with us. Can it take a very long time, like years?

 

I don't know, you cold-turkeyed them all at once. Yes, protracted withdrawal syndrome can last years, but you are lucky you have seen improvement so soon.

[AzaanMalik]

I hope so. I hope that this is recovery and some progress in this probably long journey. And thank you for your valuable opinion again. And yes, I read about fish oil and magnesium supplements on this group before, and I feel it should help with the symptoms.

 

That was my thought too that I shouldn't touch more psychiatric drugs even though these psychiatrists always try to find some other disease instead of withdrawal syndrome and try to treat it. I went to three different psychiatrists, and two general practitioners, and all gave their own diagnosis, and prescribed different drugs for it, not one said that it can be withdrawal. I'm thinking that waiting for a better time is all that can be done, and hopefully one day we can return to our normal self, that we once were.

 

Another question please (take your own time to answer, there's no hurry). As time passes, from stopping or tapering the drug, are we constantly moving forward towards the normal brain chemistry, that was present before the use of medication? Is that so. Is that the goal our brain is trying to achieve. Wouldn't it be true that every day, or every moment our brain is doing that job, while we are in this. And does there ever come a point where brain has reached that normal functioning and withdrawal stops completely. Does that ever happen? 

[ChessieCat]

Our brains are always trying to regain homeostasis.  When we add a drug/chemical it automatically makes adjustments.  That's why we can experience start up symptoms which gradually reduce as the brain adjusts to getting the drug.  When we take the drug away, then it automatically makes adjustments.  When the drug is taken away too quickly the brain is trying to make a lot of adjustments at the same time which is why we experience withdrawal symptoms.

 

I really like the video, linked below, and the analogy of the Rubik's cube.  You can find videos online about how to solve a Rubik's cube.  There are times during the process when you think that you have messed it up completely and it will not work out then all of a sudden after a few more moves, it is solved.

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

what-is-withdrawal-syndrome

 

what-is-happening-in-your-brain

[AzaanMalik]

Medical opinion about post acute withdrawal

 

I went to a few psychiatrists and some general practitioners, and I told all of them that I feel I am going through prolonged withdrawal, but they quickly deny that any such thing can happen. Many of them said that withdrawal happens for usually 2 to 4 weeks, and maybe a little longer than that, like 2 weeks or so.

 

Why is it that they deny prolonged withdrawal? Is it not part of medical diagnosis? Doctors usually ask, what is happening to me right now, at this point of time and they give a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, while all this has never ever happened to me in my whole 28 years of life, until recently. This makes me hopeless as if no one can help me, that there's no one to tell me what's exactly happening and what I should expect in future. This is also a big problem with prolonged withdrawal.

 

Is it any good going to a psychiatrist, or a psychotherapist now, or should a person just wait, till we see some positive change.

 

 

Edited October 22, 2021 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[AzaanMalik]

For the first 5 months, my symptoms would change, sometimes in nature, sometimes intensity and there would be these few days in between when I would feel better (windows maybe). But since the last 3 months, this anxiety and depression that I'm feeling now, it's been constant, I didn't consciously notice any window patterns. I don't understand why. Earlier depression stayed for a few days only, like 5 at most, it was more intense. Now it's not as intense but continuous. It doesn't go away. Since these 3 months, I didn't feel any changes in symptoms like I used to feel earlier. It feels like this will stay for a long time, like something tells me. Can you please tell what should I expect.