Jump to content

Is this withdrawal? PTSD? or separation anxiety? or something else?


tsranga
 Share

Recommended Posts

About 11 years back, I had a panic attack after returning from my birth country,  realizing that I was now settling down in my adopted country to raise my family.  Most of all, what caused me distress is a feeling of being alone, and spending my life alone in my house, especially after seeing most of my elderly neighbors go through life's last journey, while also realizing that someday in the near future, I may lose my mom and the visits to my birth home.   I also think that being dehydrated and heat intolerant, and my spouse leaving on business travel the next day, and me having to return to a stressful job, contributed to the panic attack.

 

Ever since, I have had a lot of anxiety every time I visited home and then I would have anxiety once I returned as well.. about missing all the friends and family I visited.  I would eventually settle down into my work.. and it did get better over time, although I would get into rumination and comparing everything between the two places - from food to weather etc.. and what helped was having long conversations with my spouse.  I don't think I have completely gotten over it, but I haven't travelled back in two years to test this out..  

 

During withdrawal, I developed quite a bit of fear/anxiety of being alone... it became a daily obsession with rumination, about how my dog, my in-laws and my daughter would all eventually pass or move out in the next 5 years..   My spouse was also largely unavailable due to her travel in the first year, my daughter was at school, and my in-laws are private folks. So, even physically, I was pretty much alone to deal with my withdrawal and take care of the house.  So, the silence was really unnerving, especially not having anyone to talk to - virtual conversations didn't seem to have the same effect as having the physical interaction, especially with my spouse.

 

Thanks to COVID, at least had the reassurance that there was some noise/movement, and my spouse to talk to at least when we went out on a walk in the evening, even though everyone was still cooped up in their rooms. 

 

This year, even though I am still dealing with my sensory hypersensitivity, especially to weather/season changes, emotionally I seemed to be in a better place, and the last 6 months have been really good as my niece stayed with us and she was a great sounding board for me as we both could discuss our challenges with anxiety, and she also brought so much life to the house, and it felt alive.

 

Last night, she returned back to her hometown, and my wife also was traveling on work, but I didn't have any issues dealing with it.. 

 

This afternoon however, as I was lying down trying to get over my lightheadedness as the temperature warmed up, I was suddenly triggered by the sound of my dog snoring and the clock ticking..   I have had this happen in the past, but since there has been always some noise in the background, It didn't stand out so much.. 

 

Since then, I have been constant fight/flight mode, and my mind is into all sorts of rumination..   and mostly its about comparing the present environment with the past when my niece was around, as she was involved in almost every activity with me..  ranging from the presence and absence of every sound / footsteps, every conversation, every action.. 

 

My mind has been constantly thinking about these questions - 

- Why am I having so much of a fight / flight response?
- is it the silence?
- is it the fear of not seeing joy in the house?
- is it the fatigue of trying to bring lighthearted interaction into the house, while everyone seemed to be busy in their own world?
- is it the fear of having no one physically around to share my thoughts and emotions with?  
 - is it the difficulty in finding ways to engage with the family?  When my niece was around, everyone was drawn out of their comfort zone?

- Should I be sitting with the discomfort/silence all day to get comfortable with it? Or should I be looking at ways of getting busy with things I value (the most important one there is social interaction, as it recharges me.)

 

Could it be the fact that I am still hypersensitive in withdrawal to physical and emotional stress have triggered it?   How can I regulate myself emotionally while in withdrawal? and find some balance between getting comfortable with silence/aloneness and interaction.. 

 

I have been able to use the same approach that I use while dealing with my physical symptoms -   lie down, breathe, journal, walk, talk etc..., to stay calm, but as soon as I try to get back into the real world, I am back in fight/flight with thoughts..   It's almost like I need to keep writing, walking or talking during a flare..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chronic IBS since 1990

Former smoker (1992- Jun 2017)

Prescribed mirtazapine for sleep in Aug 2017 after IBS flare-up following Nicotine cessation.

Mirtazapine 7.5mg 8/17 to 5/18

Mirtazapine 3.75mg 5/18 to 1/19

Off Mirtazapine since 2/19.

Vit B, Vit D+K2 and Magnesium Glycinate as needed.

On Ayurvedic herbs for GI issues - Guduchi since Jul 2020, Indukantham since Oct 2020

On Ashwagandha 1g since Nov 2020

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sure it can be wd related! 
In a way I experience the same thing, i keep comparing life on the meds With life to during wd and cant seem to get it out of My head hoe happy i was on the meds and how free from anxiety i was too. But i am really hoping that it will go away when My brain is healing.

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think there is a huge aspect related to withdrawal in terms of my ability to respond appropriately. I was reading about emotional spirals, and what I experienced yesterday definitely seems like one. It appears that any drastic change can trigger a chain of thoughts - and changes that impact feelings of safety (the need for physical interaction) seem to be a lot more challenging to handle than physical symptoms.

 

I was fine yesterday, but my spouse was back home. She travels the whole of next week, so it would be interesting to see how I fare.. If I go by my past experience, it takes a day or two to handle a drastic change to my environment.

Chronic IBS since 1990

Former smoker (1992- Jun 2017)

Prescribed mirtazapine for sleep in Aug 2017 after IBS flare-up following Nicotine cessation.

Mirtazapine 7.5mg 8/17 to 5/18

Mirtazapine 3.75mg 5/18 to 1/19

Off Mirtazapine since 2/19.

Vit B, Vit D+K2 and Magnesium Glycinate as needed.

On Ayurvedic herbs for GI issues - Guduchi since Jul 2020, Indukantham since Oct 2020

On Ashwagandha 1g since Nov 2020

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy