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My history with meds is long-ish and definitely convoluted. My very first Rx was for Prozac, at my request, in late 1994. After the second dose I experienced a complete transformation/awakening that lasted 3.5 days. After that period of feeling transformed, I awoke to a hellish relapse, emotionally devestated and with many never-before-experienced physical symptoms. Countless times it has been debated: Was that a manic episode? I have been adamant that it wasn't, as I never felt more stable, grounded, and centered as during that time. Over the years since, I have come to believe it was a Kundalini awakening.


Since that first awakening, I have experienced perhaps 75 more similar episodes, lasting hours or days, all followed by brutal relapses. The relapses after periods of awakening are inistinguishable, symptom-wise, from the surge in symptoms that occurs each time I taper a med. That is why I came to this forum: to tell you that, in my case, I am as certain as I can be at this point in time that my increased symptoms following a med taper are related to healing old trauma. (I know it's a stretch to imagine if you've never considered Kundalini or trauma recovery as part of the med equation.) I'm pretty sure I would have no chance at all of ultimately healing without this info for myself. Without it, I would have no way of understanding, no map for the journey, no light at the end of the tunnel.


This is harder to connect to "surviving antidepressants" than I thought it would be, but I'm giving it a go. My whole point is that the path to trauma recovery goes through some rough territory, often if not typically involving getting off psychiatric meds. If one doesn't know trauma is involved, as I did not until about a year ago, or if one isn't familiar with the trauma recovery "map," then there is no intelligent, constructive way to ride out the taper.


If this info connects with someone's thinking/experience, great. If not, that's absolutely OK too. It was just a few days ago that I managed to connect the dots for myself and felt the exuberance of wanting to pass on the good news. Know I am a fellow aspirant for complete healing and wish us all godspeed.

Psych meds all over the map, starting 1994

Past few years: 300mg lithium and 3.75mg clorazepate

Lowered lithium to 150mg 2 years ago, over 6-month period, reinstated 300mg 6 months later

Currently take 150, rather than 300mg lithium 3 days/week and 3.75 clorazepate all 7 days

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I relate. As I've tapered off of Pristiq (after many drugs over many years), ive had a very different view of my life. I think it's clarity, but in a disturbing "this was REALLY your life" kinda way. The only way Ive been able to make sense of anything it to believe that it was supposed to happen this way and 'stay tuned'.


I also never heard of Kundalini prior to a year ago and reading Healing's post.


Thanks for sharing your story.



Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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