Lilmizz21: Introduction - Advice needed

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 minute ago, Longroadhome said:

I wrote  that not Shep Jesus 

Yea sorry, not sure why I assumed shep wrote it, my brain is out of order. Did u experience Dpdr? Did it go away for u?

[Lilmizz21]

@JesusSavemefromWD I think I've got it also. 

 

I get thoughts that arent mine all the time. Like I cant explain it. Everything I do, I get thoughts that arent mine. Is that what you experienced and it cleared?

[Lilmizz21]

@JesusSavemefromWD and sorry I meant I think I'm suffering with DR

[Longroadhome]

Just now, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Yea sorry, not sure why I assumed shep wrote it, my brain is out of order. Did u experience Dpdr? Did it go away for u?

I have it just here and there. Not much. 
go onto Baylissa Frederick Bloom In Wellness site success stories quite a few postings of people experiencing this during WD. 
there is also a success story of a lady that had a bad reaction after one tablet (antidepressant) . 
hope this helps 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

46 minutes ago, Lilmizz21 said:

@JesusSavemefromWD I think I've got it also. 

 

I get thoughts that arent mine all the time. Like I cant explain it. Everything I do, I get thoughts that arent mine. Is that what you experienced and it cleared?

The thoughts cleared, they were really bad and bizarre, what hasn’t cleared is the dpdr and visual issues (left eye is fine, right eye has a problem, can’t explain but while I am not blind from that eye it’s like it doesn’t connect to images , like I see through a big glass , that brings me fear 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

I have it just here and there. Not much. 
go onto Baylissa Frederick Bloom In Wellness site success stories quite a few postings of people experiencing this during WD. 
there is also a success story of a lady that had a bad reaction after one tablet (antidepressant) . 
hope this helps 

Yea I know the story, really doesn’t sound half as bad as my dpdr , she could still go out and take care of her house and family during her recovery. I can’t, everything seems fake, like I am in a 3D movie, it’s so bad I am afraid I ll loose my life to this sh it. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 hours ago, Lilmizz21 said:

@JesusSavemefromWD I think I've got it also. 

 

I get thoughts that arent mine all the time. Like I cant explain it. Everything I do, I get thoughts that arent mine. Is that what you experienced and it cleared?

This doesn’t sound as dpdr but the way u see around you might be a form of DR, but not DP. They both suck and I have them both

[Lilmizz21]

Can I ask when we recover. 

 

Can we not undergo surgery local A?

Are we not allowed numbing for teeth?

Can we not have any of the dye they use for MRI or smear cell removal?

 

Even the world after this is scary.

 

 

[Lilmizz21]

Guys, I really need help.

 

I've woke up with the strongest complusion not to be here anymore.

 

This has never left me since I had adverse reaction to the pill. 

 

What do I do, just keep going?? On my 8th week

[Longroadhome]

That’s exactly what you do. Keep getting up every day and keep going. 
it’s early days so if you are living on your own you need a strategy for times such as this. You need a safe person you can call and talk to. 
This person will not make judgement and will be calm and supportive so that you can talk and voice your thoughts.  
If there is no such person available to you  then you phone an organisation like the Samaritans or SOS Silence of Suicide. You can also contact the doctor and asked to be referred for counselling going forward . 

Recovery  could take a while so in the meantime get a support network around you. 

[Lilmizz21]

@Longroadhome thank you so much.

 

I just honestly I am so scared. It's like I dont control my mind anymore. 

 

It's like it's not mine. If its not this severe complusion its other severe and bizarre tortuous thoughts. 

 

Is it normal to feel your mind isnt yours?

[Longroadhome]

Yes unfortunately We’re fair game for anything to happen symptom wise whether an adverse reaction or WD  as this medication affects every system in the body. 
You will heal but everyone’s different and we just have to wait it out . For some it’s not long while for others it can be and nobody can say.  Not nice but no other way. 

[Farout]

I haven’t caught up with this thread for a while but suicidal thoughts (and/or some vaguer - I don’t want to be here, what if I can’t cope thoughts) happen to a lot of us post reaction - or at least everyone I’ve spoken with

on here. I had them and I called helplines, convinced I might do it.

 

They are generally just another intrusive thought to stimulate the anxiety reaction, even/especially if it feels like more of a compulsion.  They too can be safely accepted and ignored.
 

A lot of us found it useful to formulate a safety plan in case we started putting the thoughts into actions - identify a handful of people/services you would call if it came to it. If you are in a trusting relationship, ask them to keep a closer eye on you. 
 

Then practice the techniques we’ve already talked about - see it as an OCD/anxiety cycle and accept it’s just a thought that can’t harm you. (I do understand it’s a torment but it can’t physically make you do any of those things and you have a safety plan in place - you do want to survive).

 

It will get better.

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/page/about-withdrawal-project

 

This is a huge web site and provides a lot of information on it.

I want you to go to the cope and heal part, it spells out a-z of WD symptoms and suggestions on coping skills.  I remember reading on SA that WD and adverse reactions are similar.

This will take your mind off of your symptoms, so much to here to keep you busy and hopefully encourage you to keep moving forward.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Lilmizz21,

 

56 minutes ago, Lilmizz21 said:

Is it normal to feel your mind isnt yours?

 

Well, what is normal??   

So, still some overwhelming obsessions and intrusive thoughts Lilmizz?

That's not so unexpected.

Again, please don't spend so much time rehashing with others, or others rehashing the worst symptoms.  I mean I know it's good to relate......just keep a healthy balance.

 

Have you had any further outings Lilmizz? 

What's showing up in your Notes or Journaling as possibly a few hours of Windows?

Try to write encouraging things to yourself when it's really tough, or go poetic/creative.

 

And I take it you decided no go, on any reinstatement?  That you weighed the risk to benefit possibility and decided?  Sometimes indecision is a decision too.  So.

 

Anything that settles your mind out of obsessions and intrusive thoughts?

In other words, what does help?

 

And some good support you are getting.  I think I spied you going and supporting others here too.

Excellent.

Is your sleep back, or has it returned?

 

You got this.  You do.  Utmost patience with self required now. 

And yes, use your areas or local resources.......sometimes a phone call can be so helpful, or a visit to a therapist, or a friend that understands.  Be safe.  You matter.  This won't last forever.  Even though it feels like forever already.  Don't isolate.  That's the worst thing now.  Try and talk with another human daily.  Those fears are way out of proportion, just know that.......sometimes that helps to just know, even when thoughts are so negative and busy.

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

read the first post, for sure ^

 

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Lilmizz21]

@manymoretodays the thoughts are almost like someone has taken over my mind. Like I dont own my mind anymore if that makes sense. 

 

So strong that they cant be pushed back. Its extremely difficult to distract, I do try to take my dog on a walk but these thoughts are just so strong and constant.

 

I have windows without the crushing fear but my mind feeling like it's been taken over is just 24.7

 

I have been able to sleep again although am still getting night terrors and nightmares. 

 

I have decided to not to reinstate, I have been awful since the adverse reaction, was slightly better on the tryclic but I still couldnt function. I have a little boy to fight for, so I can not pro long suffering not seeing him. That's what I keep telling myself. I need to get through this for him.

 

I think the lingering effects of the AR would still linger if I was on another med. 

 

God this is the hardest thing I've ever been through.

 

If I could just get my mind back without the brain sensations I could cope. I really could cope.

 

Thanks so much for responding to me and caring. I will give my weekly update tomorrow with times also.

 

I really hope you are well.

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatfulthank you so much for responding. 

 

I really appreciate it, your so lovely to me.

 

I really hope today is a good day for you.

[Lilmizz21]

@Farout Thank you so much for your reassurance. 

 

It feels so real, so scary when your in it. And just that reassurance gets you through.

 

No idea how much it means, thank you for giving me your time and support.

 

I hope you are well.

[Lilmizz21]

Just going to do my weekly update today as tomorrow will be quite an overwhelming day. (Most days have went like this)

 

Sleeping (night terrors)

 

11:00am - obsessive thoughts, suicidal complusions (all day) 

12:00pm - have made a sandwhich

1:00pm - tried to watch tv (looks strange, blurred vision)

2 - 6pm - spent in bed trying not to give in to these thoughts, other days I have tried to go out to the shop or walk my dog but these thoughts are constant and very strong.

6 - 8:30pm - try to distract and just look forward to sleep. 

 

Obsessional thoughts this week

 

- severe suicidal complusions

- repeative songs

- "how can these thoughts just go, they'll always be there"

- "your never gonna get better and you'll wake up to go through the same thing again"

- "you want to eat? It isnt you telling yourself that, it's your brain just wanting it, you do as your brain wants"

- "your mind isnt your own anymore"

- "how much longer can you go on like this"

- "concentrate on your blinking"

- "you cant even see your son, you'll never be fit to see him again"

- looping thoughts. 

 

Just want to keep track of these thoughts to see if they change. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

22 hours ago, Lilmizz21 said:

Can I ask when we recover. 

 

Can we not undergo surgery local A?

Are we not allowed numbing for teeth?

Can we not have any of the dye they use for MRI or smear cell removal?

 

Even the world after this is scary.

 

 

I used to have these questions ruminating in my mind but I let go because the important thing is to heal, then worry about what we need to be careful of. Many people who recovered don’t have any problems later on.

[Farout]

3 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I used to have these questions ruminating in my mind but I let go because the important thing is to heal, then worry about what we need to be careful of. Many people who recovered don’t have any problems later on.

Another favourite of mine was ‘this can’t just be the tablets, is it the tablets, am I losing my mind, I don’t have anxiety, it’s just the tablets, I don’t want to have anxiety…’ ad infintum 

 

Eventually I had a strict word with myself - that it didn’t matter how I got to this place, here is where I am and this is what I must deal with.

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

How are you today L?

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful Hi G

 

I'm really not well. My brain even feels so sick. 

 

I am just tortured all the time with this. Everything I do it is just intrusive, obsessive thoughts.

 

Its newest one is "you feel high, your high" and I tried to play a game on my phone and it kept saying "your brain wants you to play this, so you win and then you become addicted, songs repeatedly going round my mind.

 

Just tried to lay down to sleep and I'm halliocating and hearing sirens that arent there. Seeing a projector of scenarios play out when I close my eyes. 

 

My brain just feels so so sick, intense, burning, flat, gripping, empty, plastic :(.

 

how are you G? 

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21That sound horrible and scary.  Is there anyway you can keep playing the game and ignore the thoughts.  Don't get me wrong I really feel for you.  Sometimes when my brain is really busy I stay on the tablet and let the thoughts be there.  It can be distracting and loud at times, but the best you can.  Your mind will try to out think you if you let it.

6 minutes ago, Lilmizz21 said:

songs repeatedly going round my mind.

 

This can be common.   Do you like the song?  Sing along with it and play your game.

I had the repeated song in my head the last crash I went through.  Mine was a hymn from our church so it was okay.  Crazy how it is there in the brain even when you are doing some else.

Are you able to do anything else to distract yourself?  I know it takes a lot of energy to do even the smallest things.  Have you tried a Epsom salt bath with meditation music on.

 

Are you alone most of the time?  Can friends stop by and sit with you?  I know if is hard to socialize when you don't feel good.🥴

 

Did you find anything helpful on the innercompass web site I linked for you?  I am eager to hear if the cope and heal section put you at ease at all with your fear in your symptoms.  Seeing that they can be typical can be reassuring that you are not going crazy.

 

 

The brain pain/burning whatever it is doing at the time is frustrating.  It seems like when it is really crushing in/tingling/burning/squeezing is when it is really hard to think, focus. for me the crazy thinking in more intense.  It does get better believe it or not.  I would say in the last month or so I have been noticing some quieter/less painful sensations in the brain.  Not gone totally but lighter at times. 

 

You are doing a great job trying to figure this out and how to live with it

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful yes I have. I do try to do things to distract. But I think I'm going to stay off the Facebook groups for a while. 

 

When I had AR I had that feeling of terror of wanting to get out of my own skin.

 

But I do not have those intense feelings of terror infact my body is always calm its just my brain and mind that are mad at the moment and everyone keeps telling me I have akathasia. And I really feel like I dont. I remember that feeling after my AR. And I definitely dont feel that way now. 

 

I feel I'm just suffering with withdrawls, but people are scaring me into thinking I have more which is making my brain just go into a spin. 

 

I dont feel restless, I dont have internal terror. Yes my mind has intrusive thoughts that arent my own but that's WD. 

 

Sorry I suppose I'm looking for reassurance..I just worry that that the more bad things people put into my head, I'll never heal because I'll always believe I have it or something. If that makes sense.

[Altostrata]

@Lilmizz21 many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata thank you for your message. 

 

I am declining and dont know how much longer I can look after myself if I'm honest. 

 

There is a huge disconnect between me and my brain and its becoming scary, it's like I'm not connected to it anymore and it is getting worse everyday.

 

Current symptoms 

 

- tinnitus

- complusions

- severe and strong SI

- disconnect to my brain, when I wake up it doesnt pair for hours, disorientated

- brain symptoms - brain feels like its pushing my head down, feels put in a vice at times, sometimes empty, plastic, burns

- severe intrusive thoughts (that want me to act, I used to be able to fight these but I really feel a further disconnect to my brain)

- blurred vision

- cant concentrate on anything

- derealization

- confusion

- cognitive issues

- hypogenic hallucinations (visual and audiotary) 

 

 

I feel like I'm fighting to stay alive every minute of everyday but the disconnect is scaring me. Sometimes it really feel like my mind is slowly being taken over. 

 

And I'm declining rather than improving. And unfortunately cause I had adverse reaction to lexapro and these symptoms were still happening on amtriyline I just dont know what to do. 

 

[Lilmizz21]

Hi guys,

 

Hope you dont mind me posting my thoughts here now I have a little more knowledge. 

 

Adverse reaction lex - defiatelty severe akathasia (brain burning, vommitting, convulsing shaking, went insane, severe SI, couldnt come back into my house had to keep walking) hypnogenic hallications

 

5 days later - same feeling again, went to hospital, feeling kept coming and going was petrified. Returned home as doctors didnt know what to do. Severe shaking on top

 

Took amtriyline 10mg - as had for nerve pain, within 2 days I was back to myself. Then things went downhill, intrustive thoughts, could still feel that inner terror brewing, Severe SI, shaking stopped.

 

Since coming off both - 

tinnitus

- complusions

- severe and strong SI

- disconnect to my brain, when I wake up it doesnt pair for hours, disorientated

- brain symptoms - brain feels like its pushing my head down, feels put in a vice at times, sometimes empty, plastic, burns

- severe intrusive thoughts (that want me to act, I used to be able to fight these but I really feel a further disconnect to my brain)

- blurred vision

- cant concentrate on anything

- derealization

- confusion

- cognitive issues

- hypogenic hallucinations (visual and audiotary) 

 

I just wonder if this can help make sense of what has actually happened here. Is this lingering akathasia? The thing is I dont actually have the feeling of terror anymore. 

[Lilmizz21]

Hi guys. 

 

So since I went off, i have felt as if something was controlling my thoughts and mind. Even my eyes i cant describe it but it was like it wasnt mine like someone else was in my mind and complusing me to do things.

 

Today is the first day where I feel like I controlled my thoughts. 

 

I am very scared though, as I went to visit my little boy everything didnt look right. It looked I cant describe it hard to make out, I noticed this when my tv was turned on one day it just looked out of perspective. I dont know

 

does this pass? Everything so bloody scary!!

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21  You are doing great L❤️

I bet it was nice to see your son.😊

 

You are having some nice little  DR going on.  It's great that you are slowly getting back to some common sense thinking.  This shows that the brain is trying to heal and trying to  get things right.

 

The saying around here is that when it is the hardest on you your brain is working hard on spot A,  in healing mode,  It gets something right on A and  you get small window  but now it has to work on spot B because spot A changed.  Then o boy back to  re tweak A from the the changes in B.  This will go on for a while(different for everyone)  The windows slowly get bigger and stay longer and the horrible waves(brain working hard) will get less harsh and  move through faster.

 Just keep in mind some symptoms may be better today and new/old  one can get worse.  This is going to be here today, gone tomorrow , back again the next day.

Up and down  and round and round.  

 

You will slowly start to see this and it makes it a little bit easier to make it through the waves.  You learn you have been through it before and made it.  

 

Keep posting and working on coping skills,  educating your self with what is going on, and time time time.❤️

 

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful

 

Thank you Greatful. Unfortunately today I am back to the mentality to just keep myself safe. 

 

My mind plays tricks on me 24.7. And the DR is so scary, cant see anything properly.

 

Does the DR pass?

 

It's so hard to get through everyday.

 

Hope you are doing ok lovely.

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

Yeah, I know how it is.  I had a more tolerable afternoon and evening yesterday and woke up early and started having small waves of adrenaline surges and anxiety.....some low mood and brain not thinking  quite right.

It can be discouraging but all we can do it focus on getting through the day. Try to think positive thoughts and know that are brains are healing. Yeah you had a little break in the thoughts yesterday🌞

Break your day up into doing small things....Can you listen to any music?  Read? Walk?

What is one small thing you can do before lunch, then one small thing to do before supper and so one and before you know it is evening and you made it through another day❤️

Always, always be kind and patient with yourself❤️

 

 

[Lilmizz21]

Brain sensations

 

Hi, I am curious to know who suffers with brain sensations. Burning, gripping, itching, swollen, pressure in different parts like constant different brain sensations 

 

Edited November 29, 2021 by ChessieCat
added Intro topic title before merging with intro topic

[ChessieCat]

There are many existing topics on SA.

 

To search for them either use the site search function or use an internet search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

These were a bit hard to find, and I knew what terms to use, so I've posted the links below for you:

 

symptoms-burning-brain

 

severe-burning-after-withdrawal

 

head-noise-and-other-symptoms-in-the-head

[Lilmizz21]

@ChessieCat Thank you! My issue is constant brain sensations that seem to always distinguish a symptom which is even more scary!! As it's like I can the association.

 

I get an extreme crushing and burning brain and that's when I get severe complusions for SI. When I get extremely depressed I can feel my brain being pushed down! When I feel in a drunk like state it's like wires by the temple. In the mornings my brain doesnt connect it's like I'm concious but theres no connection.

 

I dont think I'm going crazy!! My symptoms will never go if these sensations dont go away just feel like a very sick brain. 

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful thanks greatful! Today I really tried to bath and make breakfast but honestly the DR was so bad, I even tried to watch a tv show and the manic thoughts just kept coming and the TV looked so off made me feel high, nevermind the constant brain sensations and the SI was very intense all day.

 

 

I get extreme SI complusions very strong all day everyday, almost like I am being complused to do it. Is this normal in withdrawl? I got this from my AR, on the tryclic and in withdrawl. Just so intense the feeling like I really have to fight to stay safe. 

 

Also as I know you took are a sufferer of the good old brain sensations, do you know why they happen? And do they go?

 

I really hope you are having a good day, I keep in touch with your thread, I hope not taking the mag baths has helped slightly, let's turn those tolerable days into better days 💞