Lilmizz21: Introduction - Advice needed

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata my symptoms have been consistent, severe brain sensations, swelling, tightening, gripping that create extreme unbareable pain. Brain being tortured constantly with constant ways to do something to myself (very chemical, cant be stopped, very forced), complusions, impulses to do something to myself, jerking in my sleep, hallucinating when I close my eyes, convulsing shaking, tinnitus, vision issues, blurred vision, DR, nerve pain.

[Altostrata]

Did you ever have covid-19? Why did you take antibiotics in October?

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata never had covid 19 or the vaccine. 

 

Took anti botics because of severe tooth infection but my whole face was swollen out.

 

Thank you for your help 💞

[Altostrata]

Did the antibiotics cure your infection? It looks like you took only 3 doses. Did your symptom pattern change after that?

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata I didnt notice any immediate reaction to anti botics. I stopped after 3 because I seen anti botics can cause problems then the infection went away on it's own.

 

It stayed the same before anti botics and after. 💞

[Altostrata]

I strongly urge you to pursue examination by a neurologist or other specialist to rule out something systemic, such as an infection in your head. See https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/encephalitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20356136

 

We very reluctantly suggest trying a benzodiazepine, such as diazepam, in situations like yours, but you would have to find a prescriber who will continue the prescription as long as you need it, to allow your symptoms to resolve and then your gradual tapering off.

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

How are you doing?

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful hi lovely. 

 

Things got very very intense for me as you might have seen on the previous post. I just kept preserving with it. 

 

Then I ended up having a window (just less intensity) some symptoms have came and went since last time we spoke but I'm sure will reappear again. My brain and thoughts are still so mashed 😖 the most random and weirdest thoughts. Although I do seem to be able to do a little more now and I try push myself.

 

The more I push myself, the more little windows seem to happen although could be a coincidence.

 

How are you mdear? You are dealing with so much 💞 you pop up in my thoughts quite often. Our fellow warriors going through the most difficult times is so hard. But I know you will come out of this stronger. Sending lots of love.

 

 

[Lilmizz21]

Hoping someone sees this post 💞

 

I have been suffering hyponogenic hallucinations since this all began.

 

Feels like when I lay down at night my brain is swelling, these severe scary thoughts face through my mind and images/videos play out. This has never gone or lessened.

 

Does this go? Are others experiencing this?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

8 minutes ago, Lilmizz21 said:

Hoping someone sees this post 💞

 

I have been suffering hyponogenic hallucinations since this all began.

 

Feels like when I lay down at night my brain is swelling, these severe scary thoughts face through my mind and images/videos play out. This has never gone or lessened.

 

Does this go? Are others experiencing this?

Yes it does go away. That’s the only symptom from my list if symptoms that is almost gone 

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

My heart goes out to you.   You are going through a lot of scary things. I am not sure what  hyponogenic hallucinations.  Does this happen when your eyes are closed/open or both?

 

How is the D/R D/P? I ran across this the other day on D/P

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24489-brilliant-video-on-depersonalization-found-this-really-helpful/

 

I see you  had a window.  That tells me that your brain is heal some more❤️

[Lilmizz21]

@JesusSavemefromWD Thank you so much for replying. Did your brain feel like it was swelling too?

 

How have you been lovely?

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful Hi mdear, this happens when I close my eyes. It's almost like I'm on street drugs.

 

My brain starts to swell out and I get extreme scary thoughts and almost images/videos playing out. Sometimes I'll hear the voice of a loved one but its not voices....it's in my head. 😔

 

I know your going through such a difficult time, I will pop over to your thread in few days to catch up, dont want to bombard you at the moment. Sometimes you need time for you and you deserve it more than ever 💞

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

Thank you so for thinking of me and trying to be gentle with me. ❤️

I've had some crazy thoughts in my mind that feel real and disturbing.  No voices yet but 

strong feelings of  disconnected from reality.  

I have some pretty strong flash back.  Those were scary at first.  The sensation right down to how it felt and like you are right back there again.  Like they say you can almost smell it/feel the air.

The ones from the trauma are hard, being sent back to feel that fear/scared feeling.  I am trying to embrace the  happier one's though and not react so much to the other ones.  

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

20 minutes ago, Lilmizz21 said:

@JesusSavemefromWD Thank you so much for replying. Did your brain feel like it was swelling too?

 

How have you been lovely?

Oh yea…. It surely did, only the right hemisphere, felt numb, swelling and like it was trying to push out to exit through my skull. I had it for 11 months or so.

unfortunately I am not doing good at all but trying to keep my hope for healing one day 

[Kiasofia]

Alto wrote:

 

Quote

I strongly urge you to pursue examination by a neurologist or other specialist to rule out something systemic, such as an infection in your head. See https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/encephalitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20356136

 

Have you done this?

[Lilmizz21]

Hi @Kiasofia

 

I am in a country were medical care is so difficult. To see neurologist is 7 year waiting list. And they dont seem to do lumbar punctures here to diagnose neurological issues. I had MRI scan that showed all was fine but this can miss enceptiolous.

 

Do you think my symptoms arent withdrawl? 

[Kiasofia]

It would be good to rule out other factors, but I understand it is difficult.

[Lilmizz21]

Hello lovelies

 

Sorry another post, when people get side effects of drugs such as intrustive thoughts and get them in WD, will they go?

 

Or because the drug caused intrustive thoughts, do these parts stay with us?

[Altostrata]

If you have encephalitis, you need medical care immediately. You need to talk to your doctor or the emergency room about your sense of your brain swelling. It might be best not to describe the psychological symptoms first, just the physical sensations.

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata Thank you I did have MRI that came back clear but thats all they can do.

 

The brain swelling feeling has subsided, it changes to like gripping pains or static pains. I'm thinking this is just from WD, as I do see people posting similar sensations, but I do worry. But this did all start when I took the SSRI and never had this before. 

[Altostrata]

Where are these pains?

 

You also had an infection for which you did not take a complete course of antibiotics.

 

Strongly suggest you discuss this with your doctor.

[Lilmizz21]

@Altostrata My brain sensations change, sometimes it will feel like swelling out of skull, sometimes it will feel like gripping, sometimes it will feel like my brain is squeezing in. Sometimes I get a static feeling on my temples.The sensations change all the time.

 

I did have MRI but came back clear. I think this is just the fallout of my adverse reaction 

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful the scary thoughts are horrible, I have them 24.7 even when go to sleep

 

You are doing so well and so well at coping. Everything is happening for a reason, that is what we must believe 💞

 

Can I ask how your brain sensations are?

 

I have swelling, gripping, static in temples, squeezing in feelings, just wondering how this symptom was for you as you have been struggling with this too? 🥺

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

 

1 hour ago, Lilmizz21 said:

 My brain sensations change, sometimes it will feel like swelling out of skull, sometimes it will feel like gripping, sometimes it will feel like my brain is squeezing in. Sometimes I get a static feeling on my temples.The sensations change all the time.

 

You could be describing my brain.  The sensation move around the brain.  Last week the back of my brain was numb and tingling, it switched around to the top and front again.  The top right behind my forehead feels like it is either crushing in, numb, a big hole there.  My thinking is worst then and so is my ability to think through a full thought. It's like it cuts off the rest of the brain that controls thoughts.  My obsessing/panic/distorted/ ocd is higher then to.   I tell hubby sometimes it feels like my brain is shrinking.  

 

You were on Lex too which makes me wonder if I am having a chemical reaction to the meds.  Sometime it feels like a chemical, tingling around.  I have had this for over 10 months.  I had so many med changes in the last year so it's hard to know what is what.  But I can say I had definite reactions ( almost like a chemical reaction) in my brain with in 36 hours of taking the drug. It hasn't been the same since. I am hoping as I go down on the lex the brain garbage will get better.

 

 My brain feels about 10% better  at times that being said from 100% crazy to 90% crazy, is to small a change for me😥  But I guess it  is a small improvement.

 

 I could put up with brain fog, ( I had that a lot on drugs) but this feeling like you have half a brain I mean literally not just in congestive abilities, it is the physical sense too.  Crushing in, squeezing, burning, tingling, freezing cold, vice grips, dull pain/to pressure spots pushing in, drying up shrinking feeling. Feel free to add more to the list lol🙄

 

Do you get brain panic?  For me it is like my brain is on high alert  frantic to  find away out of the maze.   

 

I would hope that if your brain is reacting the same it's from the  lex and you are going to slowly get better.  I can only hope that mine will get better the lower I go🥴 

 

[Altostrata]

I understand it is difficult to see a specialist. Please do everything you can to see a specialist.

[Lilmizz21]

Symptoms 3.5 months in 

 

- Brain doesnt feel right, feels off, sick, like a sick acid inside it 

- Brain swelling, gripping, crushing, electric currents 

- manic thoughts constantly "your in pain", "you want to get outside of your body", "your brain is going to shut down" these thoughts change every minute to something else 24.7

- Brain creating pain in different parts of my body

- Stinging all over my body like 100 nettles have stung me 

- SI 

- nerve pain

- heavy stinging eyes

- burning lips

-hypnogenic hallucinations 

- Surges of fear 

- Tinnitus

- Vision problems (blurred and floaties) 

- joint pain where it can hurt to use my fingers or hands

- involuntilary muscle spasms

- involuntarily muscle cramps 

- DR (everything looks abit off)

- feel like I'm on drugs because of the symptoms 

 

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

My brain hasn't felt right for about a year now.  As I speak it is crushing in on top.

Funny you should bring up burning eyes.   I started out with burning sinuses, day mouth and heartburn, now I have burning eyes.

I would guess it is all from the drugs.

I wish I could help more❤️ You are not alone.

Are you getting any windows even dirty window?

 

Are you able to read?   I'm reading the Recovery and Renewal by Bayliss Fredrick.  

I can't read to much at one time, I get to over stimulated.

Not much we can do but wait it out.  Take one day at a time.❤️

 

 

 

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful Hi lovely. I've never woke up and felt ok

 

I am scared this is neurotoxicity. My brain defiately viewed that one pill as poision and that's when my brain started to burn and swell. 

 

I just seem so so severe. I see people on meds 30 plus years less severe than me. 

 

My sinuses are controlled too, feels like they're being pinched in and out. I just never get relief or a window to think "this is what I am getting too"

 

I really feel like I have severe neurotoxicity and it's just this sickness in my brain that wont let up  feels like a sick acid sometimes....

 

how has your week been? X

 

 

[Lilmizz21]

Hi guys

 

I have went 3.5 months being tortured in my body and mind. I want to give an example of this. My body itches all over, feels like I need to itch my insides, stinging all over my body, joint pain, temples almost tickling my skull. This suffering goes on 24.7 and in terms of my mind/brain it feels like its swelling, crushing with absolute maniac thoughts cant think straight.

How does this all just go some day? Does my body just stop torturing me some day or is my brain trying to make me think my body is torturing me? 😔

 

Is my brain just not processing right?

 

I have tried to be so brave every minute it is like I have specifically been given a pill to torture me from the inside out. 

 

Just some help as to why this happening to me..🥺 so desperate 

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21  I feel your pain and it is scary, but if I can compare some of that to me.  It is all normal from the drug.   I had and still have horrible thoughts that seem real and obsessions.

I can say that they are getting better and I can sit in them more now........

 

Are you sleeping at night?  

I know this is not easy to hear but my guess is you are in the first stages of your recovery.  It will happen..   You will recover.  I am reading Recovery and Renewal by Baylissa Frederick.  She tells her story and her encouragement that we can heal. She had acute WD and Protracted WD from benzo's  She had a long battle with her healing too.  She also has a website  "Bloom in Wellness"   You go to www.baylissa.com for free information.    Can you get her book?  I ordered it off of Amazon  It reassured me again that we can heal. Find and read the success stories on SA and from other survivors that have written about it.  

She had analogy in here book..   Imagine you are on your way home.  You know without a doubt you will arrive.  You look ahead and notice there is a massive traffic jam.  You are stuck.  There is no way out but through.  All you can do is resign yourself to waiting.  

 

Hang in the lilmizz21, you will heal❤️

[Lilmizz21]

@JesusSavemefromWD hope you dont mind me tagging and not sure if this is something you may know. 

 

My doctor was very blazzie about my MRI findings. I requested them myself. And upon reading it says "paranasal sinus muscol disease is noted mainly in the left sinus with complete loss of areation" 

 

Do you know anything about this? My doctor says the MRI is fine....not looking for medical advice just more if this is just nothing to worry about as I'm getting nowhere with medics at the moment.

[Lilmizz21]

This is so bizarre. My DR is so bad my brain is actually constantly telling me "your cock eyed" like it just cant process it and keeps telling me I'm.cock eyed which almost makes me see in that type of vision. It's like this is how the brain is viewing it.

 

Dear god. Will this pass?

[Lilmizz21]

Hi guys

 

I didnt think it could get any worse but it can

 

My whole body is extremely itchy and tingling with nerve pain, feels like bugs crawling all over me, face, arms, hands, legs, feet, scalp.

 

Is there anything that can help with this? 

[Greatful]

@Lilmizz21

Hi L,    My guess more WD affects........I really don't have an answer for how to deal with this.

Do you have uncontrolled itching?  Or is it the feeling like something is crawling under your skin?

Did you look on Symptoms & Self Care to see it there is any threads on this?   

 

Hugs and encouragement sent your way🤗

[Altostrata]

Did you ask your doctor about encephalitis?

 

Have you eaten anything to which you might be having an allergic reaction, used a new lotion, or used a new soap?

 

Why were you prescribed Lexapro Iast August?

 

It's unfortunate that you had an adverse reaction to Lexapro. It seems you felt better when taking amitriptyline, but you went off. You did not complete a course of antibiotics for an infection. You vape even though it makes you feel ill.

 

We don't have any remedies for drug-induced adverse events. It's not clear that you have withdrawal syndrome, but what we know is that if you have withdrawal syndrome, often taking a bit of the drug again will reduce them. If your symptoms are from amitriptyline withdrawal, it may resolve them; if your symptoms are from the Lexapro reaction, amitriptyline helped before.

 

We have suggested you take a bit of amitriptyline, at a very low dose so it won't bring on adverse effects, but you have rejected taking even a small amount of that again. When people have withdrawal symptoms and decline reinstatement, all they can do is hang in and wait for symptoms to go away.

 

It is unusual for symptoms to stay in one place and intensify over months without something else going on. In your case, with these clear head symptoms, it could be undiagnosed covid, undiagnosed brain infection, sinus infection, migraines, or some other physical medical problem.

 

I am sorry we do not have more suggestions for you other than to try low-dose amitriptyline and pursue a medical diagnosis for what might be a serious medical problem.