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Being in disbelief of the situation


ThatOneGirlStitch

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Does anyone has moments were they find what they are going through is unbelievable. Like I can't comprehend how I got here. It's crazy this is happening, almost unreal. I find myself in caught in moments of disbelief. How does withdrawal like this even exist. There are so many crazy and unthought of side effects, who comes up with this stuff? This isn't really happening. I'm going to wake up and it's going to be ok. Anyone experience those moments or moments like them? Is it some form of dissociation or your mind trying to protect you? 

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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On 11/23/2021 at 3:02 AM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Does anyone has moments were they find what they are going through is unbelievable. Like I can't comprehend how I got here. It's crazy this is happening, almost unreal. I find myself in caught in moments of disbelief. How does withdrawal like this even exist. There are so many crazy and unthought of side effects, who comes up with this stuff? This isn't really happening. I'm going to wake up and it's going to be ok. Anyone experience those moments or moments like them? Is it some form of dissociation or your mind trying to protect you? 

Yes. Very much. And I tend to feel better at night so every night I go through both thinking maybe tomorrow will be better, and also dreading sleep because I know what morning brings. It's a nightmare. 

2021 Mar Mirtzazpine 15 mg

2021 May 7.5 mg

2021 June stopped because of side effects

2021 July 7.5 mg

2021 Sept stopped

2021 Oct 7.5 mg 

2021 Nov Ranitidine, 300 mg 2x day

2021 Nov 7 stopped

2021 Dec 2 1/4 of 7.5 mg

2021 Dec 3 stopped because of side effects.

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Hi @Mystagogy

Yes....every single minute. My WD story this year and having made the terrible decision to reinstate has not only taken me into symptom

hell but has also completely unravelled my life. I've lost literally everything and still falling with no sight of ground. No idea what is going to happen to me. Utterly frozen with fear, shock and disbelief. If I'd only know that tapering could lead to this I would not have started without setting in place a lot lot more support and damage control measures. Sending you love and healing.

Nov 1998 : 20mg Prozac

Feb 2003: cold turkey reinstated 20mg April

March 2008: cold turkey reinstated 20mg September 

March 2009: cold turkey reinstated 20mg in Sept 2009 

September 2015: 20mg to 0mg over 2 months, Reinstated 02/16

End April 2020: taper from 20mg to 18mg, early June 18mg to 16mg, September 13th, started 13mg.

Jan 2021 at 6mg, May at 4mg, July 2.5mg   

July 13th 2021: single 10mg dose, Return to 2.5mg next day

August 4th, 5th, 6th 2021: reinstate to 3.5mg before going back to 2.4mg

October 11th 2021: up to 10mg, Oct 12th up to 20mg

Nov 10th-16th 2021: 10mg (doctor suggestion)

Nov 17th 2021 to present: 20mg

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On 11/23/2021 at 5:32 AM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Does anyone has moments were they find what they are going through is unbelievable. Like I can't comprehend how I got here. It's crazy this is happening, almost unreal. I find myself in caught in moments of disbelief. How does withdrawal like this even exist. There are so many crazy and unthought of side effects, who comes up with this stuff? This isn't really happening. I'm going to wake up and it's going to be ok. Anyone experience those moments or moments like them? Is it some form of dissociation or your mind trying to protect you? 

Absolutely….. i ve been suffering 13 months after just 3.5 weeks on Zoloft , every day I wake up thinking “ I can’t believe this torture from a legally prescribed drug”…… Disbelief of this inhuman needless suffering but belief and hope for healing some time in the future . Can’t last forever ….. (can it????….

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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@ThatOneGirlStitch totally yes. I thought 5 months in I might be feeling a bit better, but my life feels out of my control and I’m starting to struggle to comprehend what’s happening to me. This could be my life for the foreseeable. I can’t believe it’s come to this. Believe me you are not alone! X

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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Hi  @ThatOneGirlStitchiOneGirlStitchiTStitchieGirlSthieGirlSThatOneGirlStitchiOneGhiTStitchieGirlStiitctitchi

 

 

 

 

Well I can't say it's disbelief now because I understand what's going on and it can be summed up by the phrase «wreckage of the CNS».If you look at the short video Altostrata posted in her Twitter account ( the one with the cats) it's pretty clear to me and it is a graphic explanation.BUT...I must add that my first year of withdrawal (last year) was just too overwhelming for me because the crazy symptoms were too many to list and I had no clue as to what was going on.Never experienced such symptoms in my whole life.The physical symptoms were worrying to me so I just kept ignoring them because I needed to keep going (at least to do the minimum required to stay alive and take care of my dogs). I was puzzled and clueless.

Hi.sorry but my computer is too old.not working properly.I can only write from my phone.nevertheless i do not have drugs to list.only paroxetine.20 mg from 2009 to 2019.10 mg during 2019.sleeping pills for over 20 years.stopped everything december 2019.no drugs since then.forced cold turkey from december 2019.

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  • 3 months later...
On 11/25/2021 at 9:03 PM, Overwhelmedlady said:

Hi  @ThatOneGirlStitchiOneGirlStitchiTStitchieGirlSthieGirlSThatOneGirlStitchiOneGhiTStitchieGirlStiitctitchi

Well I can't say it's disbelief now because I understand what's going on and it can be summed up by the phrase «wreckage of the CNS».If you look at the short video Altostrata posted in her Twitter account ( the one with the cats) it's pretty clear to me and it is a graphic explanation.BUT...I must add that my first year of withdrawal (last year) was just too overwhelming for me because the crazy symptoms were too many to list and I had no clue as to what was going on.Never experienced such symptoms in my whole life.The physical symptoms were worrying to me so I just kept ignoring them because I needed to keep going (at least to do the minimum required to stay alive and take care of my dogs). I was puzzled and clueless.

hi,
and how is it now?

2004 - escitalopram; 2006-2007 -escitalopram, escitalopram + bupropion -poop out ; 2009-2010 - sertraline, duloxetine, mirtazapine - did not go well;2011-2013  - paroxetine + bupropion -poop out; 2014  - venlafaxine

2015-16 - paroxetine 30mg, nortriptyline and loads of others atypical/antipsychotic [seroquel etc] - did not go well; 2017  - paroxetine 40 mg ; 2018-2020 - paroxetine 30 mg; 2021-2021.04 - paroxetine 20 mg - seems like not working, poop out; 2021.05-09 - tapering off;   2021.10 - paroxetine free . Around 2021.01.14 introduced SJW grass as a tea infusion, 3x day, 2x teaspoons per cup - not sure if helping or not, ended 01.25.

//benzo - clonazepam- was used when needed up to a week at tough times; now still using occasionally around 1 time a week 0,5mg dose.
Symptoms at taper: anger, runny nose, irritability, weepiness.
Symptoms after taper: anger, irritability, weepiness - all stronger; "feeling" the brain, left side aches; not getting asleep; increasing anxiety, stress intolerance; fear of stressful situations; tingling of skin. Tolerable. Tingling, "feeling brain", headaches almost gone by 2022.
2022.01.05 - Covid, strong, 4 days bedridden. After this sharp fall down: apathy, depression, "I just don't care about anything" in the worst meaning of it, almost unable to get up, go to work. Chills. Strong anxiety, larger benzo doses one week. Skin tingling and stomach problems partially returned [02.01]
2022.03.17 reinstated 2.5mg paroxetine.

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