Keephopealive: PTSD and Long Cold Turkey taper, as a young mom

[Keephopealive]

Needing Encouragement just hit another wave 5 years out

 

I am a mother of two and have been on this journey to find healing both from the trauma from being in mental health system and a very long withdrawal.  
 

I have been in withdrawal from a too fast taper and have now been off for 51/2 years.   This CT withdrawal was recommended by a doctor as I was pregnant.  In some ways I don’t know if i would do it differently, as I had an unmedicated pregnancy. Much improvements since the. and probably back to 65%-75% of my normal self.  My sleep returned at year four.  I now sleep through the night on a regular basis. I also have days where I feel absolutely wonderful, as if it’s all over.
 

I think I attribute my long withdrawal from too short of taper and having had given birth and cared for two small children during my withdrawal, with the hormones being very hard to deal with and exasperated all of my symptoms to the nth degree.
 

I was diagnosed with PTSD from all of this, ironically enough.  There was specifically a very terrifying time after I gave birth to my first daughter after having CT during her pregnancy.  I am mostly healed from that, but a big part of that has required me to identify, name and grieve the ways the mental health system took my power, created fear in me, contributed to a lot of shame, made the first few years of my daughters lives very dark by virtue of an unwell mom and damaged my nervous system.  This has been one of my biggest losses, the loss of how a mother daughter relationship should have went.  I still wonder about the ways they have been affected, it just devastates me.  I have been thinking about composing a letter to the Canadian psychiatrist association to close that chapter soon.

 

I still have waves, where my sympathetic nervous system gets very heightened and it mentally feels awful, especially sensitive to sound.  I still get muscle spasms, tinnitus, palpitations, brain zaps and very tight muscles. The muscle pain is the worst. I still have random bouts of terror and anhedonia.  Also blood sugar issues, no diagnoses just a reaction to changes in blood sugar and very bad PMS.
 

I have still been drinking coffee and alcohol not in huge amounts, but may try to come off to hopefully heal the rest of the wAy.  This ones a hard one for me as it’s a way I bond with my friends and find a bit of joy in this long process, with a nice glass of wine or late. Hopefully now that my ptsd is slightly better this may help too.  I sometimes don’t know what symptoms are from which, PTSD or withdrawal.

 

I do know that through it all, a greater healing and restoration is taking place.  Four years into withdrawal, I deeply felt in my heart God making a promise of restoration to me.  So I keep going.  I have had to learn to deal with my anxiety in ways I never thought I could as withdrawal forced me, since the anxiety and dread is like no other. 

 

if you have any encouragement for people this far out still healing, I would appreciate it.  Thank you alto strata, I am so glad I found your site.  Thank you for your advocacy for all of our devastating losses we have had in this journey.  My heart is forever grateful to you.

 

2013 CT from 20mg celexa after 4 years being on it. Was pregnant at the time

2014 baby born crashed HARD went back on celexa at 15mg thinking I had ppd, now see was also withdrawal.

2015 started to stabilize but had ptsd from crashing so hard, wasn’t diagnosed until five years later

2015 started to taper over 8 months coming off entirely by July 2016, been in withdrAwal ever since

December 2018, gave birth to second daughter 

December 2021- 65-75% healed 

Take magnesium, Mag07, Vit d (although recently had a bad reaction when I tried to increase it), vitamin c,

Ashwaghanda helped me in my postpartum with my second child but took only as needed

Bad reaction to fish oil, 5htp, same

 

Edited November 26, 2021 by ChessieCat
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[Shep]

Hi, Keephopealive.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

Please note I took the last part of your post and placed it in your signature. This will appear underneath all of your posts so we can easily see your drug history.

 

On 11/25/2021 at 8:43 PM, Keephopealive said:

I have still been drinking coffee and alcohol not in huge amounts, but may try to come off to hopefully heal the rest of the wAy.  This ones a hard one for me as it’s a way I bond with my friends and find a bit of joy in this long process, with a nice glass of wine or late.

 

On 11/25/2021 at 8:43 PM, Keephopealive said:

Take magnesium, Mag07, Vit d (although recently had a bad reaction when I tried to increase it), vitamin c,

Ashwaghanda helped me in my postpartum with my second child but took only as needed

Bad reaction to fish oil, 5htp, same

 

Many people have major setbacks with alcohol (caffeine, as well, but not as much of a setback as with alcohol). The fact that you're having reactions to supplements means your nervous system is still in recovery.

 

I would eliminate the alcohol and cut back on caffeine and see if you have some improvements. Alcohol can be brutal on the nervous system, so until you're at 100% recovery, I would avoid it. 

 

Here are some helpful tips for getting relief without drugs:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Please continue to use this thread to ask questions and document your recovery.