Upnorth: reinstating

[Upnorth]

Feel like ending this suffering,  so weak, fatigued, no energy left to fight.  I feel like no one in my life cares. . can't handle this pain..

Irrational thinking, feel like a scolded child,  how is this even possible. ?

[Greatful]

@Upnorth

I am so sorry you are in such rough shape.  Are you doing worse since your increase to 3.5mg or about the same?  Did splitting the dose help at all?  You take 2mg at night?  does this drug activate you?  Are you tracking your symptoms to see if there is a correlation with symptoms to when you take Zoloft? 

 

I know what you mean,  I look forward to going to bed and then in bed I am worried about the morning and starting a new day.🙄 

 

Do the mods want you to hold?  I think altro's post July 5th said to taper the Zoloft then on the 14th she said to go to 3mg.  Did you do that? How long have you been on 3.5mg?

 

 

 

[Upnorth]

@Greatful

My symptoms seem about the same,  not any better, maybe worse.  Hard to say cause I'm so fatigued and weak.  I  am keeping a log and have not found any difference after dosing. The split dosing hasn't improved anything.  I was at 3.5 for 2 months. No improvement. 

My nausea is brutal. My thinking is all messed up. 

The only time I get a break is when I take 0.5mg ativan. 

 

[Greatful]

@Upnorth  If you are still on 3.5mg of Zoloft and it's been around 2 months on that amount, I would check with a mod to see if it's to late to do a drop all the way to 3mg. Maybe a smaller one if you are going to go in that direction.

I asked about taking the Zoloft in the evening because you comment that you are not getting sleep.  I don't remember why you split the dose?  To lazy to look back LOL. 

 

I am so sorry that you are still stuck.  I  too can relate to feeling trapped, pick a plan and go with it.  It will not be easy anyway you go.  Maybe you will feel a little more  in control if you set your mind on a goal and work towards it.  You will have to dig down deep.  This is up to you to do.  We can help with encouragement and validation but the work has to come from you.  As it does with each one of us.  Don't get me wrong, I know how hard this is to do.  Each day, each minute, each hour you can feel different, you can go from feeling strong to feeling weak and hopeless, a constant roller coaster.  One step at a time somehow gets you to the next day.

 

Hang in there🌞

 

 

[Frogie]

On 7/14/2022 at 4:04 PM, Altostrata said:

0.3mg to start.

@Altostrata advised on the 14th to drop your early dose by 0.3 mg to start and see how you feel.

[LotusRising]

On 8/1/2022 at 2:10 AM, Upnorth said:

Feel like ending this suffering,  so weak, fatigued, no energy left to fight.  I feel like no one in my life cares. . can't handle this pain..

@Upnorth

 

I’ve been following your thread here for a while. I’m really sorry to hear you are feeling so desperate. I’ve felt like this, wanting to end it all, but the strength will come for you 💕 Somehow, it just does.   The suffering and pain we endure is very much incomprehensible to us and the people around us, but you can get through it. I think greatful made a very valid point about making a choice and sticking with a plan. It might give you some sense of control in a situation where we often feel like we have none. 
 

One step in front of the other. Please hang in there. In my times of desperation, my focus was my kids - I put a big picture beside my bed and just looked at it when things got really tough. Is there something that you can focus on to keep you going?

[Greatful]

@Upnorth

How are you doing upnorth?

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth How are you doing?

[Upnorth]

@Greatful @MedRN Not doing very good.  The nausea and muscle tension have been relentless.  Not sleeping much and have the cortisol wake up so I'm really fatigued. Wish I could get some rest and a break. 

[Greatful]

@Upnorth  I sure know how tough this can be, you are hanging in there and that shows a lot of courage.

 

Did you come up with a plan?  

Does Zoloft stimulate you or make you sleepy? Do you think it is interfering with your sleep?  

Did splitting your dose help in any way? 

 

You can do this🌞

 

 

 

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth

Happy to hear from you, even if you're still not feeling great.

 

The ab tension is a beast, I still get it quite a bit, but it has gotten better and it will for you too. 

 

Are you able to get out for short walks at all? I was pretty housebound for a long a while, so I started by just walking short distances down the street and it helped really a lot.

 

As @Greatful asked, have you picked a direction to go with the zoloft? 

 

Hang in there 💪  I had a hard time believing it myself, but it really does get better.

[UserMan1775]

Upnorth, how are you doing, any update or change?

[Ninabird]

On 8/2/2022 at 9:38 AM, MedRN said:

Feel like ending this suffering,  so weak, fatigued, no energy left to fight.  I feel like no one in my life cares. . can't handle this pain..

Upnorth,

I have been reading your posts. You are not alone. You have many people cheering you on....I am as well. I fully understand how hard this is. It is the worst pain I have ever had to go through. Although I have quite a ways to go and multiple drugs to come off of I know that I will get through this because THOUSANDS before us have healed. Keep telling yourself that "this is temporary....I WILL get through this!" I am here anytime you need a friend.

[UserMan1775]

On 8/1/2022 at 4:10 AM, Upnorth said:

Feel like ending this suffering,  so weak, fatigued, no energy left to fight.  I feel like no one in my life cares. . can't handle this pain..

Irrational thinking, feel like a scolded child,  how is this even possible. ?

Upnorth checking in, are you okay??

[Upnorth]

@Ninabird @UserMan1775

Thanks for the encouragement ninabird.  I've been really sick lately and having a hard time functioning.  My nausea and anxiety are thru the roof,  no matter what I try.  

Thanks for checking in on me userman, sorry I haven't stayed in touch.  I just don't know what to do anymore,  the only time I get relief is when I take ativan and I am trying to stay away from them.  I've been trying to find anything that might work but I can't seem to find anything.  I have been more stressed lately and that's not helping. My wife is going away for 2 weeks to take care of some family stuff and I am freaking out at the thought of being alone.  Never had issues like this before,  I used to enjoy some alone time but this dysregulation has me messed up bad.  I wish I could get some relief or find a way to cope.  My nausea and anxiety are thru the roof.  I do breathing exercises lots through out the day and feel in constant panic.  This is so scary and I am open to any ideas. 

[Shep]

@UpnorthPlease update your signature to show the year. 

 

I just read a number of pages on your thread and this stood out. It's a post by Alto from April of this year: 

 

On 4/3/2022 at 2:05 PM, Altostrata said:

It appears that 3.5mg Zoloft was too much for you, and since you decreased to 3mg, it's wearing off.

 

It looks like reinstatement of Zoloft has only a slight effect on your withdrawal syndrome. It may be that you are not as sensitized to another SSRI, such as citalopram or fluoxetine, both of which have longer half-lives than Zoloft. But we do not know.

 

It may be that reinstatement of the antidepressant won't help your protracted withdrawal much. I see you have not started the Ativan. It may not take much to calm your system down, but you will need to have an ongoing prescription. Surely there is someone substituting for the doctor who went on leave?

 

Is your signature updated for 2022? And are you still on 1.5 mg and 2.0 mg, divided doses of Sertraline, for a total dose of 3.5 mg per day? 

 

If this is a failed antidepressant reinstatement, adding in benzos to fix it is not a good idea. How often are you taking Ativan? When was your last sertraline reduction? 

 

[Altostrata]

@Shep it appears that this low-dose reinstatement of Zoloft is not helping Upnorth. Tapering off it is an open option upon which Upnorth has not embarked.

 

There's not much else we can do to hasten Upnorth's recovery from protracted withdrawal.

 

Because reinstatement does not seem to work and Upnorth is reluctant to do anything else, back in April, I suggested a regular low-dose benzo regime, but Upnorth would have to get a doctor to agree and commit to a consistent dosing schedule. We would assist tapering off later.

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth how are you doing??

[Upnorth]

@MedRN @Altostrata

Sorry,  I've been really sick and also had trouble with Internet.  I almost feel like I'm a burden and my resilience is low. 

I tapered off the day portion of my split dose and currently am at 3.5mg at 10:00pm.

My nausea has not improved and my days are brutal.

On 9/4/2022 at 12:49 PM, Altostrata said:

reinstatement does not seem to work and Upnorth is reluctant to do anything else, 

 I'm not sure what you mean, I have been trying all the suggestions.  I would like nothing better than to stabilize,  I can't go on like this,  it's torture. 

If you would be so gracious,  I will keep trying. 

I often feel that people have given up on me and get scared.  My sleep is still not good,  waking with the spikes so I am exhausted.  Barely function during the day. 

[Altostrata]

We are sad to see you so unwell. We had suggested a low dose of the benzo, which helped when you tried it.

[Upnorth]

@Altostrata

Thanks for your kind words and concern.  I still haven't been able to get a Dr to help with the benzo .  

I am off my early zoloft dose but not sure what to do with the evening dose?

 

[Altostrata]

Are you feeling any different now that you've reduced your daily Zoloft dose?

[Upnorth]

Sorry @Altostrata , I haven't been on here . I have been really sick and didn't want to bother anybody. I am struggling a lot and feel at a loss. The nausea is still bad and the muscle tension in the abdominals is debilitating and I still have the flu feelings. I am still at the same dose 3.5mg, was hoping to stabilize. the dr prescribed clonazepam but I have not used any. I tried to get ativan but she would not give that. I told her the ativan worked better but she said the clonazepam was safer. so frustrated. She also told me to go up to 50mg zoloft and said my low dose is doing nothing for me. I have not done this, I'm sure that would be a big mistake.   Just wish I could find some relief and stability, any suggestions would be welcomed. 

[ChessieCat]

Q:  Has anything improved, even just a tiny bit?

[Altostrata]

19 hours ago, Upnorth said:

the dr prescribed clonazepam but I have not used any. I tried to get ativan but she would not give that. I told her the ativan worked better but she said the clonazepam was safer. so frustrated.

 

You turned down clonazepam because you prefer lorazepam?

[Upnorth]

On 11/18/2022 at 10:18 PM, ChessieCat said:

Q:  Has anything improved, even just a tiny bit?

@ChessieCat no, unfortunately no improvement. feel like the worst flu. nauseous, dizzy.

 

On 11/19/2022 at 4:15 PM, Altostrata said:

 

You turned down clonazepam because you prefer lorazepam?

@Altostrata  the dr prescribed 0.25mg clonazepam once daily at bed time but I thought that it had been mentioned to not mix these with ativan. I told her that I had been taking ativan occasionally   and I knew it worked better.  she seems convinced I have gastritis, because the ongoing nausea, even though I have no symptoms. She also prescribed a ppi and ondansetron . I haven't used the ppi because I'm pretty sure I don't have gastritis. I tried the ondansetron and it gave me a terrible headache.  The depression and dark thoughts are terrible, my resilience is low and I keep looking for strength. 

[Altostrata]

You might have taken half a tablet of clonazepam, .0125mg, twice a day. It would not have conflicted with occasional Ativan because you're taking it occasionally.

[Upnorth]

     Hi @Altostrata, sorry for not staying in touch. I seen my dr yesterday and she said my blood work came back and that I have H Pylori. I don't know much about this and don't have any of the usual symptoms for gastritis. She has prescribed 2 anti-biotics, and a ppi for 10 days. I'm unsure of what to do and was hoping you could shed some light on this.     Do you think this could be a contributing factor for the nausea? I read this is common and people live with this . I am concerned about using anti-biotics as it may make things worse.                                                                                                      I'm still taking 3.5mg zoloft at night and have not seen much change.  Sometimes late at night, I get some relief but don't know if that is because cortisol levels drop late at night? What do you think? thanks for your help..

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth

 

H. pylori is present in the stomach of many people, but isn't normally a problem. I know you have nausea, but do you ever get heartburn? If you're not getting heartburn, I wouldn't think you'd need a PPI.

 

I know you're going through a lot right now, but have you tried changing your diet? A lot of people can get some relief from stomach symptoms by eating clean - avoiding gluten, sugar, dairy, processed foods, caffeine and carbonated drinks - have you tried that? I know that seems like a lot if you're not used to eating that way but our guts play a huge role in our nervous and immune systems.

 

Also, there are natural remedies to rid yourself of h.pylori, if you decide that's part of the problem.

[Shep]

14 hours ago, Upnorth said:

She has prescribed 2 anti-biotics, and a ppi for 10 days.

 

Upnorth, what MedRN wrote is good advice. A change in diet may be very helpful. This is the thread on tapering PPIs, which I'm linking because it goes into the dietary information:

 

Tips for tapering off stomach acid blockers or PPIs...

 

Here is information on antibiotics:

 

Cipro, Levaquin, Azithromycin (Z-Pack), and other antibiotics

 

Note the warning about fluoroquinolone antibiotics. Those should be avoided if at all possible. There are many other safer alternatives. And as MedRN wrote, you may want to check out natural remedies first. 

[Heath]

@Upnorth I cut way back on sugar , chocolate, caffeine and carbonated drinks about 2 years ago and now heartburn is pretty much gone. Caffeine was a major cause. I was talking Prilosec for several years. I quit taking it about 2020. Check for interaction with your meds. 
https://www.rxlist.com/

Edited December 1, 2022 by Heath

[Upnorth]

On 12/1/2022 at 8:40 AM, MedRN said:

On 12/1/2022 at 8:40 AM, MedRN said:

but isn't normally a problem. I know you have nausea, but do you ever get heartburn? If you're not getting heartburn, I wouldn't think you'd need a PPI.

thanks @MedRN , I have mild heartburn but no reflux at all. I have made many changes to diet. At most 1 coffee per day. I don't really think I have gerd and I read that many people live with h pylori . The nausea is what bothers me the most. I don't think I will use the ppi and unsure of the anti-biotics.  She prescribed amoxicillin and clarithromycin. I feel the dr is grasping at straws about the nausea cause she doesn't agree that it could be withdrawal this far out , 2 years.   Thanks for the suggestions, always looking for ways to get better.  I'm a bit unsure of using the anti-biotics. Do you think it would be a good idea?

Thank you @Shep I will do more reading. I'm unsure about using the anti-biotics. any opinions are welcome.                                                                                                                                Thanks @Heath, I also have cut way back on things to try and get the nausea under control. Just nervous about the anti-biotics, as I know my system is sensitized. I'm still struggling with going off the low dose of re-instatement. My brain feels so confused.

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth

 

On 12/3/2022 at 8:07 PM, Upnorth said:

I feel the dr is grasping at straws about the nausea cause she doesn't agree that it could be withdrawal this far out , 2 years

I totally agree, doctors just simply do not have the answers we need.

 

I wish I could answer your question about antibiotics, but I just can't unfortunately. While they may treat the h.pylori, there's no guarantee that it will help your nausea. H.pylori can become an issue when our gut bacteria is off, so if you wanted to tackle it naturally, you could try supplementing your diet with probiotics to build up your good bacteria. Foods like yogurt, kefir and ferments are good options, or pill form if you're comfortable with that. I know some people also use oregano oil. If you decide to give it a go with antibiotics, I would supplement with probiotics anyway because they'll wipe out all your bacteria, good and bad. If you have a naturopath or holistic nutritionist in your area, they could also advise on natural treatments.

 

If the reinstatement hasn't helped, have you considered tapering off?

[Upnorth]

thank you @MedRN.   I have been on probiotics for a long time . I will look at adding more good things for the gut. I'm not sure about the anti-biotics but I guess it showed in blood work so maybe I should just do it and also add some natural healing. I know the anti-biotics will wipe out good and bad, so I am concerned. Never had a problem with them in the past but then again, I wasn't in withdrawal and my nervous system was "normal".  I have been struggling a lot with dark thoughts because I feel at my wits end and never seem to have any windows. I wake up in panic and muscle tension and feel like I'm being tortured and find it hard to push away the dark thoughts.  What is surprising is that when I take the occasional ativan 0.5mg, the nausea subsides about 80% and the dark thoughts are minimal. I guess I should stay away from drs, but I have some pressure from my spouse, and she doesn't think I should still have nausea after 2 years.  As far as tapering is concerned, I am unsure of what to do. The dr wants me to go to 25mg as she says what I am doing is incredibly small and likely not doing anything. I would just like to get some relief and stabilize but I think that would be too large a dose with my system being in hyper mode. I'm unsure if the zoloft is adding to the anxiety, was hoping it would calm me down by now.  I welcome your input or considerations, thanks again. I would like to taper off and just use the ativan when necessary but I am unable to convince a dr to agree to this.

Edited December 6, 2022 by Upnorth
added content

[Upnorth]

Hi @MedRN,  @Altostrata  just wondering if you had any good ideas about the dark thoughts. It seems that all I want to do is cry. When I wake up in the morning I have terrible dark thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. I know this is chemically driven from withdrawal and the frustration of not improving. I often think I should take a 0.5 ativan, but I fight the urge and suffer. I get so upset with myself and find it difficult to get through the day. It's like I'm being squeezed by an anaconda but I'm frozen and can't move. I have no support around me, most people I know can't believe I'm still struggling and say "you should be all better by now" I know this is likely from the fatigue as well, and have had issues with low self esteem, mild depression, in the past, even before using zoloft. It seems a lot worse now. I'm wondering if even the small dose of 3.5mg zoloft is a contributing factor?  Sorry for babbling, just feeling at a loss and alone. Thank you both for your support and understanding, it means a lot. I guess I should come on here more often and converse with those who understand and offer support.

[Altostrata]

15 hours ago, Upnorth said:

I'm wondering if even the small dose of 3.5mg zoloft is a contributing factor? 

 

If you look back through your topic, you will see extensive discussion of the 3.5mg Zoloft. When I last engaged in this, I thought you had decided to go off the Zoloft.

 

Also discussed extensively: That since you are suffering severe withdrawal symptoms from cold turkey and reinstatement doesn't appear to help, you might take a low benzo dose to get through this stage of recovery.

 

On 12/5/2022 at 8:43 PM, Upnorth said:

What is surprising is that when I take the occasional ativan 0.5mg, the nausea subsides about 80% and the dark thoughts are minimal.

 

Your prescriber offered you clonazepam but you're holding out for lorazepam?

 

We've been going around in circles. I do not understand why you are making the choices you're making. Sorry.