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eileen1111: sertraline cold turkey recovery


eileen1111

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  • Mentor
On 8/19/2022 at 9:20 AM, eileen1111 said:

HELLO WAVE :( 

uptick in all the head symptoms, the pins and needle prickles, morning anxiety etc - nervous system just feels crackly/sparkly/very unhappy 

 

But at least I did have around a 10 day window. I've been reading @KenA's success story about how more sustained windows started appearing after 10 months. I think that's a realistic thing to hope for, and that at least by 1 year I'll be having clearer window and wave patterns.... they are a bit blurred together right now

 

It is so hard accepting that this is how I experience life now, through this dysregulated mess of a nervous system. But we just have to endure 💔 And not give up the faith in healing. 

 

A side note: I really want to apply for a part time job that has opened up and which I think I would JUST about be capable of. In my windows I think I could handle it, in my waves - like now - I get filled with anxiety thinking about it. It will take a huge amount of effort and grim determination to go for it, knowing that every shift would be a real challenge, but if I could keep it going I think that future me maybe a year from now would thank me for it so much. I also think that it would help with my depression, give me more structure and purpose. And some money (much needed....)!

@eileen1111 Glad to hear that my success story has helped you to find some peace and reassure that you are going to get better!! No matter how long it takes, just keep reminding yourself that you are healing each and every day!! Just keep on going and going until you reach the finish line!! You've got this!! 

 

Ken

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 Hi Eileen, Just stopped by your thread to see how you are doing. I hope things are improving for you. Unfortunately withdrawal improvement seem to move so very slowly.

Warm wishes,

Rachel

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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@RachelSusan hey ! thank you ❤️ still in a bad wave at the moment, but managed to get out for a walk. feeling overwhelmed by people coming and going from my parents' place all the time and my cousin is staying for a week from tomorrow, and I don't feel like I'm going to be able to cope. but i'm practicing drawing better boundaries and prioritising my recovery over anything else... people might not understand, but i'm starting to not care about that anymore, and just focus on myself. i'm the only one who can get me through this after all :////

hope you're having an okay day :~)

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 A house full of people while you are in withdrawal can be trying. Glad to hear that you are focusing on your needs rather than what others think. I think during the height of my withdrawal I went weeks without seeing anybody. I stayed in one room with the connecting bathroom and had the drapes strategically arranged most of the time to allow just enough light to cheer me up but not cause any eye fatigue.

 

You will get through this. The sooner the better though.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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@RachelSusan it's a vicious cycle because isolation makes me feel depressed but being around people makes me anxious and exhausted, I try and find a balance between rest and pushing myself to be sociable or do things when symptoms allow

 

despite current wave and stressors, overall things are a bit more stable - or at least, I no longer feel like i'm being tortured alive every day. I would say it has settled into a fragile PAWS rather than a full-blown withdrawal state 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 Eileen, I can relate to everything you said. A fragile PAWS is better than a full blown state, but with time you will improve to a normal state.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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Hi Eileen!

 

I just wanted to stop by and say hi as fellow Sertraline survivor! I'm having exactly the same struggle with pushing myself to socialise so as not to feel isolated, but also feeling miserable being around people. It's a horrible catch 22 situation. 

 

I'm really pleased to hear you are feeling a bit more stable overall.

 

All the best - Spentitate

2002 approx: Prescribed 30mg of Citalopram which made me instantly extremely ill including suicidal ideation and auditory hallucinations, discontinued in a few weeks and symptoms subsided.

2004 - 2010: Prescribed short bouts of Paroxetine (Paxil/Seroxat) with no noticeable side effects or withdrawal issues.

2010-2020: Prescribed 40mg Paroxetine for almost a decade, initially positive impact but over time noticed less effectiveness and increased side effects (constant sleeping/nightmares/night sweats, and weight gain).

2020: Tapered down from 40mg - 0mg in 2-3 weeks on doctor's advice. A few weeks later severe withdrawal symptoms began (suicidal ideation, rapid weight loss, hypothermia, etc.).
May 2020: Went back on 10mg of Paroxetine, tapering to 0mg over 2-3 months. Severe symptoms began again after dropping from 5mg to nothing on doctor's advice (so I could 'clear my system' to start Sertraline).
June 2020: Started on 50mg Sertraline to manage Paroxetine withdrawal on doctor's advice. New severe symptoms, worse than before (worst was suicidal ideation, but also extreme noise sensitivity, muscle cramps, stomach issues, etc.).

Early 2021: Increased Sertraline dosage from 50mg to 75mg in desperate hope it would relieve ongoing symptoms. It did not.

2021-2022: Began a gradual taper from 75mg down to 1.6mg of Sertraline, following advice given on this site (though on reflection still tapered too quickly). Severe recurrence of symptoms, now restabilising at 2mg and holding for now. 

 

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had an extremely bad few days, an episode last night which felt like I was back to the start again, just total overwhelm and shutdown from trying to cope with a 'simple' family dinner situation (my cousin, dad, grandma, uncle and I having fish and chips).

 

I had been out to a cafe earlier in the day with my cousin and was feeling dizzy and exhausted. I tried to rest in the afternoon but couldn't nap, pushed myself to still join in with dinner because I felt so guilty about my cousin being here and I'm being so 'boring' (I know that this is a negative thought trap that I should avoid, I"m not well, she knows I'm not well, anyway, it doesn't seem to matter I still feel guilt and pressure and shame).

 

My family can be quite stressful people at the best of times but in my current state all the little things pushed me over the edge. My grandma was completely drunk and ranting about politics. my dad was angry about my uncle spilling curry sauce. my grandma got annoyed at my dad for trying to clean it up 'wrong'. my cousin was bewildered. the lights were too bright, my visual snow and derealisation were flaring, I ended up shaking and crying with my eyes closed and fingers in my ears, trying to self regulate but failing, essentially had a huge panic attack. couldn't speak. was just left alone by my family who carried on like nothing was happening. except my cousin who tried to help by stroking my back. 

 

I feel so trapped in my dysregulated nervous system. It feels like I am having autistic meltdowns from overstimulation. I am a highly sensitive person and I have trauma symptoms, but I am now also wondering if my anxiety and depression 'diagnoses' of the past were misdiagnosed autism. i simply don't know what to think, why this is happening to me, what to do. 

 

I woke up today feeling like i'd been on a 3 day bender. feeling sick to my stomach. 

 

hoping that once my cousin leaves and I can truly just rest again I will get back to my baseline and this flare up will fade

 

 

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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has anyone else experienced withdrawal symptoms as a kind of 'pseudo-autism' or realised they might be autistic due to withdrawal reducing their ability to mask maybe ??? If I'm autistic I've been masking SO well my whole life and to such a 'high functioning' level.... but I've always had anxiety, depressive episodes, burnouts, etc. I'm an INFJ and highly sensitive. 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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  • Mentor

Sorry you’ve had a bad spell @eileen1111. When in the midst of withdrawal it’s easy to worry about possible diagnoses and also to try and remember if you were like this before. Your fragile nervous system simply can’t cope with the same level of activity and function you used to have. I know it’s hard but try not to get to drawn on particular symptoms and possible pre-existing mental issues. I used to have a meltdown if anything happened in my day that wasn’t planned or part of my extremely limited and consistent routine. I couldn’t cope with any extra “stresses” that weren’t part of the plan. Things that you wouldn’t even think twice about pre-withdrawal could send me into a tailspin lasting a few days. I still have to be careful even now with changes, although my routine consists of a hell of a lot more. I had horrific OCD thought patterns that mentally crippled me. It’s all history now.
 

What you’ve experienced sounds very familiar to how I felt late last year and the start of this year. I had to go lie down last Christmas Eve because the socialisation for a couple hours was too much for my nervous system. It’s unbelievable what these drugs can do. It’s likely you don’t have autism, I was pretty high functioning, sensitive and observant before this. Some of us are just like that, it’s often the most sensitive of us that get hit the hardest by these things. We’re too kind for the modern, ruthless world.
 

Try to ask yourself, “would I think that I had autism before SSRI withdrawal?”

 

Remember last week when you were considering applying for a p/t job? Look how far you’ve come! This is a small blip in the road. It’s expected that recovery is not linear. The up and down is the hardest aspect of this journey.

 

 

Nothing I say or do is based on medical advice. I make my own choices based on intuition gained through individual research, and a lot of suffering. My intro
CURRENT MEDICATION:

1. Sertraline: 50mg October 2020; 100mg December 2020; 50mg April 2021; 75mg May 2021; 50mg 18 September 2021; big crash 6 December 2021; holding

Current dose: 50mg (Sep 2022)

2. Mirtazapine: 15mg November 2020;

Current dose: 15mg (Sep 2022)

 

PAST MEDICATION

1. Amitriptyline: 20mg Dec 2016 for epigastric pain; 10mg Dec 2017; 0mg Oct 2018 - no withdrawal symp.

 

SUPPLEMENTS: Magnesium Citrate;

LIFESTYLE: No alcohol, nicotine or caffeine

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hey @Erimus thanks so much for this reply, it really made me feel better. Because of how long I've been dealing with this hypersensitive state I've started feeling like this is just me now. I know I've still got so much healing to do. 

 

It took a couple of days of rest and low stimulation to return to my 'WD normal' state. I found out that I did actually get an interview for the part time job I want, but now am concerned that if I get it I won't be able to cope with the stimulation of the job, even just 12 hours a week, and will keep having meltdowns. It's not a hugely stressful job it would just have moments where there will be crowds of people to deal with. My therapist says I can always just try it and stop if it's too much but I hate quitting jobs and letting people down, it's so stressful, ugh

 

Although I may not be autistic, or certainly not to the extent WD is making me suspect I am, I'm experiencing autistic responses to overstimulation so I'm thinking that I almost need to turn to the autistic community for help managing these symptoms, how to decompress etc. 

I've ordered a weighted blanket and some 'Calmer' ear plugs by Flare audio which are meant to help with overstimulation/anxiety. If the ear plugs help as much as some reviews say they do then it might actually improve my functioning hugely. who knows. 

 

Spending so much money on accommodations and things like these omg. 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111

 

Glad to hear you returned to a somewhat consistent state. When in fight or flight mode it’s literally biologically impossible to think rationally. Our brain switches the rational thought section off in order to escape imminent danger. Withdrawal artificially creates this scenario almost constantly at first. Sometimes you just need someone else, like on here, to do the rational thinking for you.

 

Regarding the job I’ll say this. If you can afford not to work whilst you are still quite unstable, don’t do it. Prioritise your health and recovery. Reassess in 3 months and forget about it. I find it useful to put things on paper, file them away, and come back in a few months.

 

We all go through the phase where we try every supplement and therapy outlet possible, it’s part of the journey. Eventually as you slowly improve you realise most of it is just to satisfy your need to feel you are being proactive in healing. I’m firmly of the “less is more” view now, even more so with the cost of living crisis looming.

 

Keep your head up.

Nothing I say or do is based on medical advice. I make my own choices based on intuition gained through individual research, and a lot of suffering. My intro
CURRENT MEDICATION:

1. Sertraline: 50mg October 2020; 100mg December 2020; 50mg April 2021; 75mg May 2021; 50mg 18 September 2021; big crash 6 December 2021; holding

Current dose: 50mg (Sep 2022)

2. Mirtazapine: 15mg November 2020;

Current dose: 15mg (Sep 2022)

 

PAST MEDICATION

1. Amitriptyline: 20mg Dec 2016 for epigastric pain; 10mg Dec 2017; 0mg Oct 2018 - no withdrawal symp.

 

SUPPLEMENTS: Magnesium Citrate;

LIFESTYLE: No alcohol, nicotine or caffeine

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111

Sorry to read about your recent episode with your family. With your nervous system destabilized from withdrawal and thus being hypersensitive to any stimulus it seems to me quite understandable.  This stimulus can be emotional or physical, in your case emotional.  It seems that you instinctively understand what you need, as demonstrated by you taking a few days of rest and low stimulation. This state of being hypersensitive is a very difficult situation to live through. However because you do know what to do to help yourself I have no doubt that you will navigate these troubled waters as well as any person can.  You will get through this.

 

 

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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really terrible few days, struggling so much right now. feeling as bad as in early withdrawal with even the insomnia and burning feelings of chemical anxiety back. barely slept last night or the night before, maybe 2-3 hours, usually my sleeping has been fine and is literally my one respite. i tried to put an ice pack on my chest to calm my heart down and soothe the anxiety but it's like my body and brain just cannot be calmed no matter what I do. I drank a herbal tea, took a melatonin, tried to read a magazine, stroked my dog, tried deep breathing..... nothing helped. I feel broken and severely mentally ill with this anxiety

 

plus my living situation is generally baseline stressful at the moment, my parents are constantly arguing with each other or making me feel guilty and like a failure. they have no idea what's really going on. they don't understand why some days i can seem ok and some i am dreadful. there's no point really continuing to try and explain it, normally I can get through a day and be pleasant to them, but they are driving me insane and the thought of being trapped in this house with this kind of illness for who knows how long is making me feel suicidal. they both work from home which means i get no real breaks from them apart from when I stay with my grandma occasionally or do a bit of volunteering. 

 

I think this has been triggered by a build up of overstimulation, taking on this whole job idea which I'm ditching now (it was mostly to please my parents), and the prospect of the dark winter ahead. i have no idea how i was feeling so optimistic 2 weeks ago because i literally feel like death right now. PRAYING for the anxiety to go down and sleep to come back

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

 i feel constantly hypervigilant at my parents', always scared they will say something critical or upsetting. they can be caring and they do make dinner every night and also being at home means i can be with my dog.... but often the FIRST thing i hear in the morning (and continuously on and off through the day) is arguing, or swearing about something, aka stressful tones of voice which trigger me. during sunny days i could get away and just be outside or on the beach/cliffs nearby, but now it's winter drawing in... and my bedroom has walls of paper, i hear everything going on all the time. 

I don't know, i just feel so trapped. like if my environment was better i could get through this but not the way things are currently. I know I'm just sleep deprived and in a wave but things are feeling impossible. like there is no safety or peace for me anywhere

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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Hello Eileen, I have read everything you have gone through. I look up to you for making it this far. 

I am actually messaging you because I took 25mg Sertraline for 5 weeks, I had to come off it because it gave me terrible side effects. I am now a month off but started experiencing withdrawal a week after coming off.  My withdrawal includes sensitive eyes (floaters), headaches hear and there, ear ringing, thirst, trouble sleeping/vivid dreams, and muscle spasms. The scariest thing for me is the suicidal thoughts. I seen you had it the worst in January. When did that go away for you? 

 

Zoloft 25mg 07/05/2022- 08/08/2022

Trazadone 25 mg 07/05/2022-08/03/2022.

withdrawal includes: ear ringing, headaches/brain zaps, vivid dreams, insomnia, muscle twitching. 
supplements: vitamin d, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 I hope you anxiety comes down and your sleep improves as well. Are there things that you can do to bring the stress that is brought on by your currently living situation down? You mention a dog, I don't know if you are able to walk him/her, if you feel up to it. Can you perhaps try an take you dog out for a walk, wearing a warm jacket, for whatever time you can manage and perhaps try to do it every day?

 

As for your parents not understanding, most people don't.  I never heard of withdrawal until I went through it. If someone had tried to explain it to me before experiencing myself there is no way that I would have understood it. Rather than trying to explain I have found it best to have a prepared statement that I can utter in times when there is no winning.  Mine is usually something like, "I know you love me and your are concerned.  I hear you, I am listening to your suggestions and will think about everything you say. Thank you." I then do what I know is best for me.

 

Are there things you like to do that you can focus on. For example, do you like to read novels or anything else?  I don't know about the UK but here we can get books for free from the library and have them sent digitally to our tablets, phones, or computers.

 

It sounds like you have already tried a lot of different things to self calm yourself and nothing has worked. Don't give up.  Keep trying other different things, try as many different things that you can think of. Good luck.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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Hi @mona211 I wish I could say that suicidal thoughts have gone away, but because my state is so fragile they often get triggered whenever I have a particularly bad week. I think because you were only on it for 5 weeks you should be okay, just hang in there, your nervous system has had a shock. do whatever you can to make it through each day

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

@RachelSusan thank you so much for being here for me, I am more grateful than you'll ever know. 

I managed to sleep after doing some outside exercise, having a bath, watching tv until my eyes were closing, then going up to bed and reading a few pages of a book and then while lying down I pictured myself and my dog living together on a peaceful summer island surrounded my animals and plants and gentle sounds and soft lighting .... ! I aim to make this visualisation my mental retreat place because, as you said in a post, I am overstimulating myself emotionally and mentally as well as through my sensory overload. 

 

On 9/6/2022 at 9:59 PM, RachelSusan said:

Rather than trying to explain I have found it best to have a prepared statement that I can utter in times when there is no winning.  Mine is usually something like, "I know you love me and your are concerned.  I hear you, I am listening to your suggestions and will think about everything you say. Thank you." I then do what I know is best for me.

 

This is a really great and calming suggestion, which might help me feel more in control of managing other people's expectations and the pressure on me to just 'get over it'. I'm going to try and come up with a similar mature and measured statement that sets some emotional boundaries.

 

I do love to read, pre-WD I worked in a library, it was my favourite thing and books can be great friends and comforts and escapism. I struggle a bit with it now because of how sensitive to light I am and the page just looks a bit 'funny' , but if I'm wearing sunglasses and reading outside I'm fine. I'm going to try and do it more. 

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment
On 9/4/2022 at 2:59 PM, Erimus said:

Regarding the job I’ll say this. If you can afford not to work whilst you are still quite unstable, don’t do it. Prioritise your health and recovery. Reassess in 3 months and forget about it.

 

Thanks Erimus this is truly excellent advice. I've decided to withdraw from the job interview because I know that I won't be able to manage it, the anxiety around it ramped up my symptoms and it's not worth it because I CAN afford not to work. I might look for some online part time work instead to provide an element of routine and get my parents off my back over winter. I hope you're doing okay and thanks for always visiting my topic here, honestly appreciate it so much 

 

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

I've realised that the root cause of ALL my WD issues is overstimulation. When I manage to get a week or so of routine, peace, calm, stability, minimal social interactions, minimal stress or demands or expectations and I'm not trying to 'push through' to do too much like forcing myself to go to the shop or apply for jobs or something, or letting my mind get out of control with rumination, then I have my 'windows'. Unfortunately life is life and it's impossible for me to live in a vacuum of peace and quiet, but I've FINALLY realised that just 'pushing through' is not going to heal me like it might with depression where the more you do the less depressed you feel. the more I try and do the more overwhelmed and unwell I feel, and then I can't sleep, and it spirals. 

 

the cruelty of this state is that the less I do the more depressed I get !!!!

 

so this winter I need to find a balanced routine which provides just enough stimulation to stop me from sinking into deep depression but not overdoing things so that my nervous system gets revved up. 

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment
On 7/28/2017 at 12:53 AM, music321 said:

Consider this analogy:  You have a cut wound on your hand.  Every time you pick up a pencil, your hand starts bleeding.  Someone suggests to you that the reason your hand keeps bleeding is because you keep picking up pencils.  "Nonsense!", you say, "I've picked up pencils my entire life, and not once has doing so ever caused my hand to bleed."  To this I say, "In the past, your hand was never injured.  Now it is.  Now, every time you pick up that pencil, it rubs against the freshly formed scab, and removes it.  This causes the hand to bleed.  The scab is constantly rubbed off, and the hand never had a chance to heal, even though you cut it three months ago.  If you simply stop picking items up for a week, the hand will be healed enough so that you can pick up pencils without a problem."

 

In other words, perhaps our healthy brains can deal with anxiety pretty well.  However, a brain that has been injured by withdrawal is constantly re-irritated by the anxiety, which would ordinarily be quite insignificant.  Your physical withdrawal symptoms are real, as are mine.  Maybe if we could relax for a little while, we would heal.

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

Sorry for spamming my own thread people who are following it ! But just posting resources for myself that I've been finding from the site, like this from Nadia's topic which I find so encouraging. I just need to know that I'll be able to live a normal life again one day and manage my predisposition for high anxiety and sensitivity in healthy ways :

 

'I feel confident that there is more improvement to come. I still wonder if I'll ever be entirely free of anxiety, if I'll always be more susceptible to stress than other people, if there is even such a thing as "going back to who I was before meds". But then I think that even if I didn't get ANY better than I am now, my life is finally livable again. I also think that in a lot of ways, I'm better off now than I was at 24 when I got on antidepressants. I am more willing to find healthier and better solutions to my challenges. More willing to embrace myself for the sensitive, emotional person I am. To find my place in the world without feeling bullied by the expectations of others.'

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

Hi eileen 

 

I just wanted to check in and say I hope you’re doing ok. I’ve read through your whole thread (I’m also currently in sertraline withdrawal although trying to stabilise at 2mg). You write beautifully and although it must be distressing to you to report on some of the terrible things you are feeling and thinking it is so comforting for me because so many of your fears and anxieties I have too. The exhaustion, the frustration with others not understanding, the sense of let down by the medical profession. 
 

I do believe you will get through this - without trying to sound like I’m talking down to you, you have youth on your side which means your nervous system has the best possible resources to heal and will find a way back to itself: and then you will have your whole life to live! This is a blip, I promise, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

 

hang in there xx

 


 

 

2002 approx: Prescribed 30mg of Citalopram which made me instantly extremely ill including suicidal ideation and auditory hallucinations, discontinued in a few weeks and symptoms subsided.

2004 - 2010: Prescribed short bouts of Paroxetine (Paxil/Seroxat) with no noticeable side effects or withdrawal issues.

2010-2020: Prescribed 40mg Paroxetine for almost a decade, initially positive impact but over time noticed less effectiveness and increased side effects (constant sleeping/nightmares/night sweats, and weight gain).

2020: Tapered down from 40mg - 0mg in 2-3 weeks on doctor's advice. A few weeks later severe withdrawal symptoms began (suicidal ideation, rapid weight loss, hypothermia, etc.).
May 2020: Went back on 10mg of Paroxetine, tapering to 0mg over 2-3 months. Severe symptoms began again after dropping from 5mg to nothing on doctor's advice (so I could 'clear my system' to start Sertraline).
June 2020: Started on 50mg Sertraline to manage Paroxetine withdrawal on doctor's advice. New severe symptoms, worse than before (worst was suicidal ideation, but also extreme noise sensitivity, muscle cramps, stomach issues, etc.).

Early 2021: Increased Sertraline dosage from 50mg to 75mg in desperate hope it would relieve ongoing symptoms. It did not.

2021-2022: Began a gradual taper from 75mg down to 1.6mg of Sertraline, following advice given on this site (though on reflection still tapered too quickly). Severe recurrence of symptoms, now restabilising at 2mg and holding for now. 

 

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 I am very impressed with the things you are doing to promote a calm state of mind. Even if these things bring only a small amount of relief, I say any relief is better than none.

 

I love reading and had a problem with it during withdrawal. I would read the same paragraph over and over because I could not even comprehend what I was reading. I am so glad that you are able to read, even if you have to do it with sunglasses. I am very glad to report that I am now back to reading. Glorious reading.  I am currently into British detective novels.  One of my joys have been returned to my life. 

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

Link to comment

8 months post zero 

 

Currently in a bad wave/setback caused by stress, from sources both self-imposed and external. I MUST learn to stop pushing myself, and to shield myself from others' expectations and demands etc. Feeling a bit doomed but I still keep going. One day I will wake up and feel peace again. 

 

I'm living with my grandma for 10 days at the moment (I move back and forward between my parents' house and my grandma's house)

 

Today:

-Woke up 7am with the cortisol anxiety and heart racing. Stayed in bed for an hour rolling around trying to ignore my racing heart. Bad visual snow in the dim morning lighting, feeling of pressure in my head and brain clicks/zaps, don't feel very rested despite about 7 hours sleep. Left eye twitching. Numbness in my face. 'Here we go again' feeling. 

-Got up and walked my dog for 15 mins and fed him. Made myself a cup of tea and some cereal. Very sensitive to light and just feel 'off' perception-wise. Went back to my room and read KenA's success story to reassure myself that ONE DAY IT WILL BE BETTER

-Took supplements, drank lots of water. Anxiety feelings have calmed down a bit. Got dressed and went to visit my grandpa in his nursing home with my grandma who drove us there, we took the dog and the ladies in the nursing home common room were really cheered up by seeing him :)

-back at my grandma's, feeling tired and like I don't know how to fill the rest of the day which just seems to stretch on forever. Remind myself that I'm in a wave and to be gentle with myself. The light sensitivity triggers my anxiety off again. Planning to have some food, lie down on the sofa and read the newspaper and try to nap, then have a bath this evening before watching the new series of the Great British Bake Off which is starting. 

 

literally just waiting for the brief respite of sleep again !! but at least I made my grandpa and the other ladies in the nursing home happy today 

 

 

 

 

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

@RachelSusan It's great that you are enjoying reading again ❤️ I cannot WAIT to be able to just read easily and peacefully again without the page looking 'funny'. My favourite books are greek mythology re-imaginings from female perspectives, like Helen of Troy or other classical figures

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment

@Spenitate hi! thanks for your comment :) I'm glad some of what I write on here resonates with others, if also deeply sorry that it does, because that means you're also suffering...

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement and reassurance :~) 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

Link to comment
  • Mentor

@eileen1111

Hi Eileen, It is interesting that you mentioned a racing heart. I had that problem as I was tapering. It was so bad that I was sent to a cardiologist who had me wear a heart monitor. They documented that it actually was extremely rapid, (only at night and early morning) but could not figure out why.  With time it resolved itself and I no longer have any problems.  This who process we go through while getting off anti-depressants and after we get off can be very troublesome because it brings into play so many other potential problems. In my case it raised the question as to a potential heart problem which turned out to be nonexistent.

 

You did a nice service with your grandpa.  I have a question, is it better for you at your Grandma's house? Perhaps a little calmer?

 

I have read your thread and it appears you have had to give up a tremendous amount this year because of your withdrawal. I can't even image how hard that must have been for you. It sounds like you have a complete and solid understanding of what is going on with you which is very helpful. I remain sadly surprised at how long recovery from this situation takes, but recovery does happen.  It is my belief that with time you will have this behind you and it will be nothing but a small unpleasant distant memory. You do not feel good right now but given what you are going through I think you are handling extremely well. Hang in there.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

Link to comment
  • Mentor

@eileen1111

I so can relate to many of your issues...

 

Overstimulation, comes in all sorts of forms.....It can be as simple as making lunch, walking around the block, having a conversation,  reading, watching tv, listening to music, any constant noise....I think our senses are super sensitive.... pushing yourself to do more ( to be more productive and apart of the world)  Learning patience for oneself is so  hard.  The days do get long sometimes... It can be overwhelming enduring this but somehow we have to dig deep, find whatever support we can for that day and make it to our pillows every night. 

This is something I read from Baylissa 

 

 I know without a doubt that people do heal. It’s the aspect of support work that makes it most rewarding. Being able to witness this healing process. Recovery is indeed the normal outcome of withdrawal, no matter how problematic it has been: cold turkey, detox, a cocktail of drugs, ECT, you name it… no matter how protracted. The body is resilient and self-healing and the most important thing to remember is that this experience is temporary – regardless of how traumatic it has been and how long it is taking. This, too, shall pass!

 

Here is some encouraging things to tell yourself --L Print them out  if it helps

 

 

Don't give up on your healing. I know it's difficult to remain hopeful because everyday you struggle with the torture of the intense and bizarre symptoms and it seems as if nothing is changing. So I am here to be the rational, "non-withdrawal" voice in your head and to remind you of the reality : that no matter how long it is taking, this challenge is temporary. One day you will wake up and something will be different. It will be more than a "window", it will be the long-awaited break, the last lap, the finishing line in view.

Then it will be over, and you will be able to navigate your way out from under the rubble, brush yourself off, pick up the pieces and get on with your life. What awaits you on the other side is worth you holding on for. Nothing in life will ever again faze you. You will have a different perspective on life, and it won't take much to make you feel content. 

 

 

When withdrawal anxiety is high and I am in 'fight' or 'flight' or 'freeze' mode, it is difficult for me to be grounded and to

maintain perspective. I lose sight of the fact that this experience is temporary and that it is leading me to my long-

awaited recovery. I am consumed with what is happening and it can make me seem self-absorbed and uninterested in

my loved ones. This is understandable, as I spend all my time and energy managing the bizarre symptoms, breathing through the pain, and holding on for dear life. I miss important moments in the lives of those around me and I also overlook just how

courageous and persevering I have been and continue to be. So today, I acknowledge my strength and I accept that while

I may spend much of my time consumed with coping, this does not mean that I am self-centered or selfish. I am just

hypervigilant in the context of being constantly aware of my symptoms, and of my environment, always looking for

perceived threats. I know that I will revert to normal when this is over.  am compassionate and gentle with myself, in the

meantime, knowing that no matter how intense and overwhelming my symptoms are, I will cope well. I trust that eventually I will begin to notice improvements and when the timing is right for me, this challenge will end with my recovery.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and pain....It really helps to feel less alone....It's so easy to shut down, draw into ourselves, isolate,  by sharing we may not be together as in family or friends --- but as strangers somehow leaning on each other, sharing something that is so uncommendable  to understand....

 

Your are remarkably brave...Inspiration to me🌞

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Xanax 0.625 3x a day   Trazodone 25mg  Holding these

Lexapro   Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg   3/21 3.4mg>  5/2 3mg > 6/1  decreasing by 0.02ml  daily  to 2.7mg>  7/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to  2.5 mg>  8/1 decreasing 0.02ml daily to 2.26mg

Lamictal  7/17/2022  25mg  9/9/2022 20mg

Supplements  Magnesium 300mg-400mg

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@Greatful Beautifully written. You re such a blessing to so many.

😪Zoloft 20mg 2/21, BuSpar ( bad reaction) 

Klonopin 1mg 2/21 CT Zoloft in hospital put on Remeron, clonodine and Trazadone 75mg 3/21 Taken off Remeron & Clonodine 3/21 put on Prozac 20mg.

Klonopin .50mg take .25mg twice daily 

8/21 crosstapered to Lexapro (highest dose 25mg) Tapered Trazadone 7/21

1/22 tapered down from 25mg to  10mg Lexapro in 3 weeks. (still holding at 10mg)

started Effexor 37.5. ( on Effexor total 5 weeks)

2/22 told to stop Effexor and go directly to 20mg Cymbalta for two weeks. 3/5/22 30mg Cymbalta.
Estradiol .5mg 2016

Started liquid Lexapro 5/10/22

Back to pull form Lexapro 5/22/22 (couldn’t tolerate liquid) 

*Resumed Lexapro 10mg BMS Taper on 6/27/22 2.5% =126mgpw July 9 -2.5%= 123mppw 9.50mg

7/29/2022 increased Klonopin to .75mg 8/1/22 back to .50mg Klonopin (body didn't like the increase) Lexapro 8/22 116mgpw

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Hi Eileen, just wanted to know how you’re doing now? I hope you’re feeling a bit better. 

April 2020: 10mg Escitalopram 

July 2020: fast tapper tried to quit. Failed. 
september 2020: Trintellix 20mg. 
october 2021: fast taper off Trintellix (1 week). 

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Hey Eileen! Just thought I’d pop in and say hi. We’re similar in age and seem to have some similar symptoms. I’m rooting for you! 

Feb 2020-May 2022 Fluoxetine 20mg

May2022-June2022 St. John’s Wort for two weeks then ct

July 2022 Buspar for two weeks including fast taper

hydroxozine 12.5 mg as needed

propranolol 10 mg as needed

multivitamin, fish oil, magnesium

 

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  • Mentor

@eileen1111 Just checking to see how you are doing. You've had family pressures while being in a wave and I know it must very difficult for you.  When you feel up to it please let us know how you are doing. We are always happy to hear good news and we are here for you if the news isn't all that great.

 

 

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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@RachelSusan hi ❤️ thank you for checking in I really appreciate it

 

On 9/13/2022 at 5:51 PM, RachelSusan said:

I have read your thread and it appears you have had to give up a tremendous amount this year because of your withdrawal. I can't even image how hard that must have been for you. It sounds like you have a complete and solid understanding of what is going on with you which is very helpful.

 

Trying to understand what is happening is really important for me because it creates an illusion of control over an uncontrollable situation - that my CNS is in some kind of toxic-shock overstimulation state. but the nervous system is so mysterious! honestly who knows what kind of other energetic/spiritual factors are involved. Healing has to encompass all areas I've realised, it's not just biochemical. Although the chemical circus of prescription drugs / alcohol / stress etc that I was caught up in for years was definitely the primary cause/trigger of this more extreme dysregulation. 

 

I'm having a better morning. Slept through the night, woke up with slight heart racing/anxiety but not unbearable. It's a nice day outside and I have been lying in bed reading a book with a cup of tea and feeling quite cosy/safe, even though my head is definitely 'off' with pressure/derealisation/light sensitivity, I'm still able to enjoy this moment of relative peace. 

 

I hope you're doing well ❤️

 

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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Thank you for all the Baylissa quotes @Greatful, I have her book 'Recovery and Renewal' which I turn to a lot, it is comforting reading her wise and kind words. A few months ago I went to an online support group meeting that Baylissa was speaking at and I felt really lucky to be able to share that space with her. I remember her saying that the strength which has carried us this far will mean we can make it to the other side.

 

I'm thinking of showing Baylissa's book to my therapist as well 🤔 In the hope it helps shed some light on what I'm going through

Sept 2021 - CT sertraline 25mg. told it was a 'placebo dose'; thought withdrawals would pass in a few weeks as medical guidelines say. 

Nov 2021 - Jan 2022 - failed reinstatement attempt which exacerbated symptoms as it gave me severe serotonin syndrome, unrecognised by doctors who told me to double my dose (!!!!). this was a very awful period, was still trying to work and go to uni, eventually had to quit everything & move back in with family. horrific 'altered reality' symptoms of dissociation, hallucinations, insomnia, chemical dread, racing heart, agitation, nausea, burning & more 

Jan 14th 2022: 0mg SSRI

Currently, Sept 2022: 10mg amitriptyline, magnesium glycinate, omega 3s, vitamins C, D, B12, occasional melatonin + L-theanine

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