Warriormaden: Front row seat to tenacity and pure will in here

[Warriormaden]

50 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Did you have any withdrawal symptoms the first time you discontinued in ‘94 If so did they last long? 

Antidepressants and Benzos affect balance. You tapered from the Benzo  but you’re still taking the antidepressant . 
It can also take longer than two years to recover from Benzo withdrawal.
to really heal you need to be off all meds. 
I know how hard that is. I know, easier said than done.  But please think hard before starting another med or increasing the med you’re  on.  
Another option is to wait to stabilise ? 

I don’t really recall having withdrawal symptoms back then until the boaty started but I was young and distracted.  I’ve thought about it being part of the benzo withdrawal and maybe I did this too fast which is why I was thinking of going back up a bit and going slower. I’m just afraid of holding because I’ve heard you lose your window to go back up if you wait too long.  Have you heard of that?  
 

Also last time it was this severe was in 2018, when I tapered all anti d’s first and was still on bit of benzo and it never subsided, I had to get on Luvox to make it go away, and I’m afraid that is happening again.  I can tolerate a lot  else but this. 😞

[Longroadhome]

Yes I have heard of that but if you have increased a few mg already going up again may not help, and leave you with more to taper off. 
I increased because of a crash at the beginning of my taper but it didn’t make any difference. I then held for a year and then continued to taper.
 

I know neither of the above is particularly  helpful but WD is so complex and an individual experience.   
I know this symptom is horrid and scary  but could you try and accept it and see if you stabilise on the dose you’re  on ? 

[Warriormaden]

8 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Yes I have heard of that but if you have increased a few mg already going up again may not help, and leave you with more to taper off. 
I increased because of a crash at the beginning of my taper but it didn’t make any difference. I then held for a year and then continued to taper.
 

I know neither of the above is particularly  helpful but WD is so complex and an individual experience.   
I know this symptom is horrid and scary  but could you try and accept it and see if you stabilise on the dose you’re  on ? 

I did hold for a bit at the beginning of the year and I really am trying to practice acceptance. I tell myself I’m doing a prison sentence an what can I do to help myself for when I’m out, but I can’t lay down half the time. If I could just lay here and be depressed, I could take it, but there is no rest.  I could not continue to feel this symptom for months and months. I’ve already done it over my lifetime of tolerance on these drugs too much. So I have no resilience left. And I’m just really stressed I’m losing my window to stabilize and go slower with messing around the last two months. I’m seeing the psych Dr this morning and I don’t even know what to say to her. Thank you for trying to help me.  I really do appreciate it. Should I tag a moderator? I don’t want them to get mad. 

[Longroadhome]

Regarding moderators. Brass monkey is off the scene due to health concerns so the only one to help with this would be Alto. 
I haven’t got a good track record with Alto but if you do feel you need guidance then go for it. 
 

Does distraction work for you at all ? I’m presuming you can’t lie down because of the floaty boat sensation. 
lying down is easier for me than sitting down. I can distract with TV too, can you ? 
it’s not unlike the feeling of Akathisia where you have to keep moving is it ? Which makes me wonder if it’s another form

of it ?  

[Warriormaden]

8 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Regarding moderators. Brass monkey is off the scene due to health concerns so the only one to help with this would be Alto. 
I haven’t got a good track record with Alto but if you do feel you need guidance then go for it. 
 

Does distraction work for you at all ? I’m presuming you can’t lie down because of the floaty boat sensation. 
lying down is easier for me than sitting down. I can distract with TV too, can you ? 
it’s not unlike the feeling of Akathisia where you have to keep moving is it ? Which makes me wonder if it’s another form

of it ?  

I didn’t know there was so few moderators. They must be worn out doing this.  The medical profession should pay for professional counselors to learn and do this full time after the damage that has been done.  
 

Yes, I’ve often wondered if it’s a form of akathasia. I distract all day as best I can. I crochet standing up when it’s intense. Play phone games. I used to draw but now everything has to be mindless because I have no energy. I do watch tv all day.  Thank God for TV.   I want to plop down somewhere in front of it but I’m too agitated/keyed up from this symptom to sit or lie down. I’m rarely able to stay in bed. I just get not doing anything. Are you able to take your focus off of it ? Are you bed bound a lot ? 

[Longroadhome]

There are more mods and I just had a thought maybe contact Shep she may be able to help you. 
 

I work  mornings in a business I own.   but due to retire April. I also look after my two granddaughters.
I walk my dog every morning and try to socialise with friends as much as I can . Not easy any of it especially now I’m coming towards the end of my taper. 
I can drive as the boaty feeling is better in the car . 
 

I try to keep from lying down during the day.
 

I distract as much as possible but no it’s not something you can forget for a few hours at a time. Some days I manage quite well 

other times it’s hard . Today was tough. 

[Warriormaden]

23 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

There are more mods and I just had a thought maybe contact Shep she may be able to help you. 
 

I work  mornings in a business I own.   but due to retire April. I also look after my two granddaughters.
I walk my dog every morning and try to socialise with friends as much as I can . Not easy any of it especially now I’m coming towards the end of my taper. 
I can drive as the boaty feeling is better in the car . 
 

I try to keep from lying down during the day.
 

I distract as much as possible but no it’s not something you can forget for a few hours at a time. Some days I manage quite well 

other times it’s hard . Today was tough. 

Wow, that’s amazing. That’s a heavy schedule during all this.  I feel like that’s where I was before I started tapering everything a few years ago.  Even though I was likely in tolerance for many years before tapering I pushed myself to keep doing all the normal things. But I’ve generally struggled for a long time even before 2018  and in 2018, I just hit a wall and it’s never been the same level of function since. I lost my mojo lol.  By the way my mom was from Liverpool, not too awful far off from you.
 

Were you good on your paxil the whole time or did you have symptoms that made you want to get off ? 
What causes it to wax and wane even during the day if our bodies are adjusting to the doses and healing ?  It’s so confusing to me. 

[Longroadhome]

Your mom from Liverpool ! It’s about a 2.5 hr drive from where I live in Birmingham and of course famous because of the Beatles. Does she have the Liverpudlian accent or has that gone ? 
You’re  in  Seattle don’t know much about Seattle other than  the Meg Ryan Tom Hanks film from the 90s. Sleepless in Seattle . 
 

do you have support from family or are you on your own with this? 
 

I have my husband and daughter and son, both married and flown the nest so just me and hubby at home. 
I don’t speak about my symptoms much as how can anyone possibly understand that hasn’t gone/going  through it ? 
 

Have you  heard of Baylissa Frederick and do you visit her site Bloom In Wellness ?. It’s excellent and I highly recommend it. There’s a success story from a lady called Alana that had floaty boat like us. Do visit it if you haven’t already .

[Longroadhome]

Paxil stopped working for me and I started to have anxiety. Prior to that for a few years I was getting weird symptoms like visual

migraines that would come out of no where and last for about 20 mins. Very scary as peoples faces become distorted . Also had episodes of Vertigo, IBS,,tinnitus etc   

[Warriormaden]

55 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Paxil stopped working for me and I started to have anxiety. Prior to that for a few years I was getting weird symptoms like visual

migraines that would come out of no where and last for about 20 mins. Very scary as peoples faces become distorted . Also had episodes of Vertigo, IBS,,tinnitus etc   

That is very scary. That’s what I’m afraid of. They always poop out. My Dr just literally said to me a few minutes ago “how can it get worse? You’re already suffering so much?” And I’m like  trust me, it can get worse. 

[Warriormaden]

@Altostrata@ChessieCatcan you  take a look at the last days since updosing to 19.5 and then 20.5 and holding when you have a chance.    I have increased by 25% since Jan 1 and not getting really any relief . The last two days have been horrific.  I am afraid I’ll will lose my window to go up more and stabilize and go slower if that’s what needs to be done .  I know you can’t give medical advice, but if it was you would you increase again or try splitting again or no? Was trying to find a pattern with the color coding but can’t find any. Seems to get better after updose and then slammed.   Red means awful, yellow not so bad, white neutral.  
 

Feb 17 

AM 🔴boaty, standing and rocking, can’t sit 

10 am 7 mg Luvox seemingly no effect

PM 🟡Afternoon calmer 

11 pm 12.5 mg Luvox 

Total 19.5 increase from 18.5 

 

Feb 18 

AM and PM 🟡less horrible day

11 pm manageable boaty in bed 

8:45 pm 19.5 mg Luvox 

 

Feb 19 

AM and PM 🔴Unrelenting undulating boaty, keyed up all day and early evening 

11 am 400 mg Advil 

1 pm 25 mg magnesium calm drink

8 pm 18.5 mg Luvox 

PM 🟡9:15 pm Boaty better still there but in the background and able to sit 

9:30 pm 1 mg Luvox boaty in the background while lying in bed but calmer 

Total 19.5

 

Feb 20 

AM 🔴bad boaty and stiff neck 

11:15 am 2 mg Luvox 

PM ⚪️1:30 pm Boaty rocking less, stiff neck better, calmer 

Able to go for short walk by 5 pm 

9:30 pm 17.5 mg Luvox 

Overall mostly decent manageable day and evening 

Woke up at 2 am boaty in bed 

Total 19.5 

 

Feb 21 

AM 🟡boaty in bed

PM 🔴Afternoon headache from holding neck tight to keep balance, trying to keep boaty and tension at bay by box breathing, headache worsened by late afternoon

5:15 pm 25 mg magnesium calm drink 

PM 🔴horrific evening, undulating rocking boaty unending severe with headache 

7:30 pm 19.5 mg Luvox seemingly no effect

9:30 pm 1000mg Tylenol no effect

10:15 1.5 mg Luvox 

11 pm finally symptoms settling some and able to sleep 

Total 21 increase from 19.5 mistakenly took .5 too much 

 

Feb 22 

6 AM 🟡boaty

PM ⚪️okayest day in a while 
7:30 pm 20.5 mg Total one dose in PM

7:30 PM 20.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 23 overall ok day ⚪️

AM and PM ⚪️mild boaty, tolerable 

7:30 pm 20.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 24
AM 🔴Bad boaty

PM⚪️boaty decreased by 4 pm and had ok evening 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 25⚪️

AM and PM ⚪️Decent day 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 26 🟡

AM 🔴Bad Boaty til about 2 

PM ⚪️very mild boaty, but tolerable, ok evening 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 27🔴

AM and PM 🔴Severe boaty, undulating all day, can’t sit or lay, just stand and rock to compensate 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5, no relief 

Severe boaty in bed, finally able to sleep at about 2 am, boaty only mildly subsided 

 

Feb 28🔴

AM 🔴severe boaty all morning 

 

 

[Altostrata]

How long have you been on a consistent dosing schedule this time around?

[Warriormaden]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How long have you been on a consistent dosing schedule this time around?

7 days today at 20.5 at 7:30 pm. Here is is with just the numbers. Thank you. 

 

The periods of symptoms lifting are getting smaller and farther apart. I don’t understand how the increase isn’t helping. I’m terrified of paradoxical. 

 

Feb 9 7 pm 17.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 10 7 pm 17.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 11  7 pm 17.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 12 

11 am 2.5 Luvox 

7 pm 18.5 Luvox 

Total 21

 

Feb 13 7:45 pm 18.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 14 7 pm 18.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 15 

12 pm 5 Luvox

11 pm 13.5 Luvox 

Total 18.5 

 

Feb 16 

9:30 am 7.5 Luvox 

11 pm 11 Luvox 

Total 18.5 

 

Feb 17 

10 am 7 Luvox 

11 pm 12.5 Luvox 

Total 19.5 

 

Feb 18 8:45 pm 19 Luvox 

 

Feb 19

8 pm 18.5 Luvox 

9:30 pm 1 Luvox 

Total 19.5

 

Feb 20 

11:15 am 2 mg Luvox 

9:30 pm 17.5 Luvox 

Total 19.5 

 

Feb 21 

7:30 pm 19.5 Luvox 

10:15 pm 1.5 Luvox

Total 20.5 

 

Feb 22 7:30 PM 20.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 23 7:30 pm 20.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 24 7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 25 7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 26 7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 27 7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 28 Severe boaty all day 

 

 

[Altostrata]

By "boaty" do you mean dizzy or seasick?

 

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

[Warriormaden]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

By "boaty" do you mean dizzy or seasick?

 

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

Thank you for checking. Yes,  boaty is a rocking, swaying, undulating feeling. Not tru spinning vertigo. Like being on a boat especially while lying down.  
 

I don’t know how else to write my notes because there really is only the one main symptom and it doesn’t appear or go away at a certain time, it is  pretty constant and gradually lifts or gets worse over the course of the day. If something specific happens at certain time, I will try to put that in but generally it’s not like that.  I’ve listed my notes in several formats, one without all the detail, one with the detail, one with just the last 7 days, one with longer term data… I don’t know what else to put in.  Im no longer taking any supplements, or exercising or doing anything else really that could cause symptoms to add in here.  I hope this makes sense. 
 

The overall pattern seems to be that even though I increased on the 21st,  I’m getting less relief with each passing day with the exception of the first two after.  Also, most times I do seem to get quite a bit of relief after taking my dose but not always. 
 

Feb 22 

AM boaty all morning 

12 PM boaty had settled down, okayest day in a while 

7:30 PM 20.5 Luvox 

PM evening decent 

 

Feb 23 

AM and PM mild boaty, tolerable 

7:30 pm 20.5 Luvox 

 

Feb 24

AM Bad boaty

4 PM boaty gradually decreased and had ok evening 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 25

AM and PM Decent day 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

 

Feb 26 

AM Bad Boaty 

2 pm Boaty had gradually decreased  

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

PM evening, very mild boaty, but tolerable, ok evening

 

Feb 27

AM and PM Severe boaty, undulating all day, can’t sit or lay, just stand and rock to compensate 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5, no relief 

11 pm Severe boaty in bed

2 am boaty mildly subsided, able to sleep

 

Feb 28

AM and PM severe boaty all day into evening 

4 pm Headache, took 2 Tylenol 

7:30 pm Luvox 20.5

8:30 pm calmer, boaty less 

 

 

[Altostrata]

20 hours ago, Warriormaden said:

it is  pretty constant and gradually lifts or gets worse over the course of the day.

 

"lifts or gets worse" is what need to know, especially how you feel before and after each dose.

 

Have you had your ears checked? Dizziness can be an ear condition.

[Warriormaden]

Yes, I’ve had everything checked multiple times by multiple doctors over multiple years. This happens every time I get low on a medication taper.  I can’t get more specific than ‘gets better or gets worse”.  It’s usually worse and I feel crappy and anxious in the morning, sometimes gets better by afternoon, and usually, but not always,  gets better a couple hours after a dose. There isn’t a specific time that it just goes away that I can put down.  I really appreciate you helping me but I’m not sure how to answer your questions

[Warriormaden]

23 hours ago, Altostrata said:

By "boaty" do you mean dizzy or seasick?

 

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

 

"lifts or gets worse" is what need to know, especially how you feel before and after each dose.

 

Have you had your ears checked? Dizziness can be an ear condition.

Yes, I’ve had everything checked multiple times by multiple doctors over multiple years. This happens every time I get low on a medication taper.  I can’t get more specific than ‘gets better or gets worse”.  It’s usually worse and I feel crappy and anxious in the morning, sometimes gets better by afternoon, and usually, but not always,  gets better a couple hours after a dose. There isn’t a specific time that it just goes away that I can put down.  I really appreciate you helping me but I’m not sure how to answer your questions

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Warriormaden said:

It’s usually worse and I feel crappy and anxious in the morning, sometimes gets better by afternoon, and usually, but not always,  gets better a couple hours after a dose. There isn’t a specific time that it just goes away that I can put down.

 

This is why I'd like you to take notes of your symptoms and drug doses throughout the day.

 

Did you start on antidepressants because of dizziness or vertigo?

 

 

[Warriormaden]

23 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

This is why I'd like you to take notes of your symptoms and drug doses throughout the day.

 

Did you start on antidepressants because of dizziness or vertigo?

 

 

No I started on them for depression and anxiety over a breakup.  Then the med would poop out and I would feel boaty dizzy and be told it’s anxiety get on a new med. 
It came back in full force during this taper at the beginning of Jan. I’m just trying to find out if I should go back up a bit and stabilize before I lose that window. 

 

[Altostrata]

How often did you accidentally forget to take a dose or take it off-schedule for any of your psychiatric drugs?

[Warriormaden]

18 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

How often did you accidentally forget to take a dose or take it off-schedule for any of your psychiatric drugs?

During this course of Luvox since December 2018, no missed doses and none taken off schedule until the week this February 2022 where I was trying to split dose. 

Before that, I was pretty consistent with my dosing from 1997 thru 2010, no drinking, no illicit drugs.  I was very strict and uptight about it.
 

Then from 2010 to 2015 when going thru some personal bad influence/relationship stuff, I was less stringent about the timing during the day and added Xanax as needed.  

[Altostrata]

Dizziness or "boatiness" is your withdrawal symptom when you've dosed inconsistently. This is a common withdrawal symptom that tends to go away over time.

 

Please post those daily notes.

[ChessieCat]

I got the PM from you asking about the daily symptom notes.

 

I had a glance at the notes that you have provided so far and they do not seem to contain enough detailed information.

 

Please CAREFULLY read the following which explains WHY and HOW to keep notes.  Please see the example in this post:

 

 

[Warriormaden]

Had to call the paramedics last night. My symptoms never let up at all yesterday and I decided to updose back up to 24 milligrams of Luvox from 20.5 and I am worried I had serotonin syndrome or something. I’ve never had an episode so bad of the boatiness and my BP which is normally like 100 over 80 went into the 180’s and my pulse was 110.  No amount of breathing or pacing would bring any of it down.  I ended up taking 15 Mg of hydroxyzine and it did nothing and may even have made it worse. I also got the worse dry mouth suddenly I have never gotten that before. I can barely speak it’s so dry.  The paramedics  said I would end up waiting in the triage for hours so to just take a tranquilizer and call dr tomorrow.  
 

is it possible to get serotonin syndrome for a 25 mg pill of Luvox ?

What caused the sudden dry mouth ?

Has my worse fear come true and I’ve gone  paradoxical ? 
Could it just be I need to get use to the updose even though it’s so tiny ? 
I’m terrified to take my dose for tomorrow and fighting with all of my being not taking a benzo .  

please someone help me 
 

 

[Warriormaden]

Yesterday 3/3/2022 went like this  worst days in many years …

 

8 am woke up boaty 

10  am got cleaned up and fed dogs boaty getting worse

11 back to bed can’t pace today too tired

6 pm Horrific boaty level 8 all day by now

6 pm Luvox 10 mg will try to split again in case interdose withdrawal is causing the problem

7:30 pm Calmer 

8:30 pm Luvox 14 mg  updose total today 24 mg from 20. 5

945 p calmer but still undulating under the surface in bed

1045 boaty still level 5, anxious. Can’t lay down, sitting up In bed trying to ride it out 

1120 p boaty getting worse in bed

1130 15bmg hydroxazine

12 am feel extra dizzy check blood pressure , 180’s over 100’s, 110 pulse super high for me, severe severe and extra boaty, can barely stand it 

 1200 am call paramedics 

1200-100 paramedics  monitor me , severe dizzy and high vitals  the whole time, panicking 

12:30 super cotton mouth, feels hard to talk ‘

100 am paramedics leave

134 blood pressure coming down, I never get high bp during panic 

1:45 am seems to be settling the tiniest bit still severe, can’t look right without dizziness 

2;40 am total setback failure no benzos since 2018 now taking 1 mg Valium nibble 

3;12 am 1 mg more binibble Valium 

332 am exhausted, super groggy, boaty way better or just not bugging me. 

 

[Warriormaden]

March 1 total,Luvox 20.5

8 am woke up anxious and boaty 

9 am worked on computer, boaty better 

10 am got up to get cleaned up, boaty got worse lay back down 

12 pm getting headache, 2 Tylenol , boaty still there but calmer 

PM  boaty still there but not phasing me as much 

7:15 10 mg Luvox going to start splitting doses 

8-9:00 pm feel good working on laptop at couch and desk

9:45 pm Luvox 10.5 mg

10-11:00 feel pretty good, laughing , listening to music, thinking about things I can do places I can travel when better  

11:1200 pretty  relaxed watching YouTube in bed fell asleep 

 

March 2 total Luvox 22

9 am woke up boaty not bad

11 am shower on chair, dry hair,  feed dogs, bad boaty is back sometime during all these tasks 

12 back to lying down, working on stuff in bed 

1:00 boaty better 

200 tried to nap, swaying, 

500 couldn’t nap, got up to work on paperwork and projects 

545 anxious for sure but boaty feels some better

630 spent an hour chopping veg and cooking dinner and cleaning up, felt good hopeful, not boaty

715 pm Luvox 10 mg 

8;45 some boaty crocheting on couch, no worse or better than usual

900 able to sit back and relax, only mildly off balance boaty, feels pretty good

9:30 pm Luvox 12 mg, switched syringe manufacturer accidentally took too much but wanted to updose anyway 

1100 -1200 relaxed watching YouTube in bed

1200 must have fallen asleep 

 

 

[Warriormaden]

Had to call the paramedics last night. My symptoms never let up at all yesterday and I decided to updose back up to 24 milligrams of Luvox from 20.5 and I am worried I had serotonin syndrome or something. I’ve never had an episode so bad of the boatiness and my BP which is normally like 100 over 80 went into the 180’s and my pulse was 110.  No amount of breathing or pacing would bring any of it down.  I ended up taking 15 Mg of hydroxyzine and it did nothing and may even have made it worse. I also got the worse dry mouth suddenly I have never gotten that before. I can barely speak it’s so dry.  The paramedics  said I would end up waiting in the triage for hours so to just take a tranquilizer and call dr tomorrow.  
 

is it possible to get serotonin syndrome for a 25 mg pill of Luvox ?

What caused the sudden dry mouth ?

Has my worse fear come true and I’ve gone  paradoxical ? 
Could it just be I need to get use to the updose even though it’s so tiny ? 
I’m terrified to take my dose for tomorrow and fighting with all of my being not taking a benzo .  

please someone help me 

 

 

 

 

@Altostrata @ChessieCat @Shep can you please see my last 3 posts 

 

[Happy2Heal]

10 hours ago, Warriormaden said:

12:30 super cotton mouth, feels hard to talk ‘

 

this is a side effect of hydroxyzine. it's also very common to get a dry mouth due to anxiety. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

I am so sorry you are going thru this.

please forgive me if this has been mentioned before, but have you considered that this boaty feeling is actually being exacerbated by your anxiety about it? 

 

Please don't be offended, I myself have managed to work myself into a damn near full blown panic attack just thinking about something happening that was not actually happening at the time-  (very recently in fact, which is why it came to mind in your situation) 

it was my FEAR that was causing me problems, not any real threat in the present moment. It can help to tell ourselves that in spite of feeling horrible (anxious, angry about having certain feelings or at a situation that is beyond our control etc etc) in spite of how we are feeling, it doesn't mean that anything is truly wrong in the present moment. Beyond that we just feel icky.

Have you heard of the acknowledge, accept and float technique?

This may not apply to you at all, I don't know, but I'm just putting this out there in case it might help you.

 

This may seem absurd to you but have you thought about making friends with the boaty feeling? You mentioning dealing with this feeling many many different times over the years, right? or did I misread that?

so you know that it's a feeling that has not caused you any significant harm, correct? You seem very anxious about it, and I am guessing you don't like this feeling, who would? but so far, it's not been a real threat to your health, am I right?

 

you've been checked out medically many times and no one has been able to find a medical cause for the feeling, no brain tumor or metabolic disorder or ear infection or anything like that, so, you'd have to assume it's an unpleasant but apparently harmless feeling. Except for maybe bumping into things if you are feeling off balance...? 

I don't know, I have had some extreme dizziness as a symptom of WD but it did not seem as long lived as yours is, nor as persistent but it did go away eventually.   I am praying that happens for you as well.

 

I've read on this forum where people have actually tried not only to accept the symptoms of withdrawal but also try to almost embrace them, to welcome them as signs that their brain is healing.

And that definitely seems to help. It's not easy, I tried it and I could only manage to do it once in a great while but it did give me some relief.

 

I don't know if maybe this would be something you might want to explore?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sure someone else can speak about the updose and all that, but I wanted to see if this might be helpful to you at all.

I hope you are feeling a lot better soon.

 

 

[Warriormaden]

11 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

this is a side effect of hydroxyzine. it's also very common to get a dry mouth due to anxiety. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

I am so sorry you are going thru this.

please forgive me if this has been mentioned before, but have you considered that this boaty feeling is actually being exacerbated by your anxiety about it? 

 

Please don't be offended, I myself have managed to work myself into a damn near full blown panic attack just thinking about something happening that was not actually happening at the time-  (very recently in fact, which is why it came to mind in your situation) 

it was my FEAR that was causing me problems, not any real threat in the present moment. It can help to tell ourselves that in spite of feeling horrible (anxious, angry about having certain feelings or at a situation that is beyond our control etc etc) in spite of how we are feeling, it doesn't mean that anything is truly wrong in the present moment. Beyond that we just feel icky.

Have you heard of the acknowledge, accept and float technique?

This may not apply to you at all, I don't know, but I'm just putting this out there in case it might help you.

 

This may seem absurd to you but have you thought about making friends with the boaty feeling? You mentioning dealing with this feeling many many different times over the years, right? or did I misread that?

so you know that it's a feeling that has not caused you any significant harm, correct? You seem very anxious about it, and I am guessing you don't like this feeling, who would? but so far, it's not been a real threat to your health, am I right?

 

you've been checked out medically many times and no one has been able to find a medical cause for the feeling, no brain tumor or metabolic disorder or ear infection or anything like that, so, you'd have to assume it's an unpleasant but apparently harmless feeling. Except for maybe bumping into things if you are feeling off balance...? 

I don't know, I have had some extreme dizziness as a symptom of WD but it did not seem as long lived as yours is, nor as persistent but it did go away eventually.   I am praying that happens for you as well.

 

I've read on this forum where people have actually tried not only to accept the symptoms of withdrawal but also try to almost embrace them, to welcome them as signs that their brain is healing.

And that definitely seems to help. It's not easy, I tried it and I could only manage to do it once in a great while but it did give me some relief.

 

I don't know if maybe this would be something you might want to explore?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sure someone else can speak about the updose and all that, but I wanted to see if this might be helpful to you at all.

I hope you are feeling a lot better soon.

 

 

Thank you , it means so much to me that you took the time to write and offer support. Yes, 100%, my anxiety about this is making it worse.  I can work myself up pretty good. I can usually calm myself pretty good too but with this one symptom I can’t  When it wasn’t quite so bad I was doing a lot of meditating in bed and floating like you said and pretending I was on a raft or jet ski and it did help.  But then  it just ramped up and it feels so chemical and I feel like all my hard work has been obliterated and I feel so desperate. Thank you for your prayers and good wishes , I will take a look at the link. 

[Altostrata]

15 hours ago, Warriormaden said:

is it possible to get serotonin syndrome for a 25 mg pill of Luvox ?

 

No.

 

As we may have mentioned before, it's possible going on and off drugs, including skipping doses and taking them off-schedule, has made you sensitive to dosage changes and increases.

 

You may have added to an adverse reaction with your anxiety. Please post daily notes as we have requested.

[Warriormaden]

21 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

No.

 

As we may have mentioned before, it's possible going on and off drugs, including skipping doses and taking them off-schedule, has made you sensitive to dosage changes and increases.

 

You may have added to an adverse reaction with your anxiety. Please post daily notes as we have requested.

Thank you Alto.  I managed to scrape together 3 days of notes in two posts above.  I never skipped or went off and on until this January/February when I got slammed, when I was trying to stabilize after tapering too fast.  I thought we were supposed to try updosing and or splitting to stabilize.  That’s all I did. 

[Warriormaden]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

No.

 

As we may have mentioned before, it's possible going on and off drugs, including skipping doses and taking them off-schedule, has made you sensitive to dosage changes and increases.

 

You may have added to an adverse reaction with your anxiety. Please post daily notes as we have requested.

Here are todays notes. Thank you for looking. 
I’ve given up all hope of splitting doses and now holding and just want to go up to stability. 

3-4-2022

600 am woke up panicky shaky about what today will bring boaty and anxious feels like it is breaking through rescue bite of Valium from 3 hours ago

642 am small headache taking 2 Tylenol 

715 am boaty and anxiety feels better all of a sudden can lay back on bed tentatively but it is still undulating level 4

728 am screaming tinnitus nothing new 

750 am trying to go back to sleep keep getting waves of anxiety body 

8 am calling psy dr able to sit up in bed not good but not as boaty 

830 am able to lay back and crochet in bed so tired very on edge 

830 to 930 am  able to doze sleeping half sitting up boaty not too bad 

945 am phone rang had to get up got anxious and boaty and wobbly walking around 

950 am back to bed unable to sit will try to breath thru 

950-11 am crocheting sitting up boaty in bed trying to squirm my body out of this anxious boaty feeling can’t really sit without squirming into different positions constantly 

11am can’t eat never get this unless supremely anxious 

11-12 crochet in bed boaty but able to manage boaty 5-6

1230 pm standing up walking around to test the waters wobbly walk and boaty but not the worst 

130 pm boaty and anxiety getting bad again walking to feed dogs 

2pm back in bed trying to stop the undulating with box breathing no relief 

300 pm ate some scrambled eggs, still in bed crochet sitting up because I can’t lay back or boaty gets worse. Trying to self talk myself calm. Boaty still 5 level. 

330 pm had video dr visit she has no idea what to do feel trapped and terrorized, boaty

433 pm super boaty trying to organize computer videos 

450 pm getting pill ready super anxiety super boaty dry mouth  

500 pm took 12.5 Luvox take 5 mil 

5-6pm anxiety boaty no worse and no less better horrific still 8

6 :10 pm maybe a smidge better

6:10 Luvox 12 mg took 4.8 mil left .2 mil or .5 mg 

6:30 drawing standing up Boaty might be getting better don’t feel so much of a need to rock feet  almost feels gone for a second 

637 pm boaty not gone in bathroom 

649 pm tiny inklings of feeling better 

720 pm still feels like boaty maybe getting a tiny bit better

740 feels like it’s ramping up again esp when I try to sit down been standing and rocking all night 

8:44 boaty did not get better, horrific awful rocking standing exhausted

Going to try to sit in bed so tired can’t lay back thought because of swaying getting worse 

9 pm super undulating in bed just trying to sit up watch videos and ride it out can’t tell if it’s getting worse feels like it’s going with my heartbeat pushing and pulling too

10 pm feels like it’s off and on getting better. Exhausted. Going to try to sleep sitting halfway up. 

 

[Warriormaden]

16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

No.

 

As we may have mentioned before, it's possible going on and off drugs, including skipping doses and taking them off-schedule, has made you sensitive to dosage changes and increases.

 

You may have added to an adverse reaction with your anxiety. Please post daily notes as we have requested.

 

16 hours ago, Warriormaden said:

Thank you Alto.  I managed to scrape together 3 days of notes in two posts above.  I never skipped or went off and on until this January/February when I got slammed, when I was trying to stabilize after tapering too fast.  I thought we were supposed to try updosing and or splitting to stabilize.  That’s all I did. 

Here are the 4 days in one post. I hope it was just an increase in symptoms due to  re-startup effects and not an adverse reaction as I’m still taking it and hoping to ride it out til I’m re-adjusted to 25 mg. 
 

3-1-22 

total,Luvox 20.5 split

8 am woke up anxious and boaty 

9 am worked on computer, boaty better 

10 am got up to get cleaned up, boaty got worse lay back down 

12 pm getting headache, 2 Tylenol , boaty still there but calmer 

PM  boaty still there but not phasing me as much 

7:15 10 mg Luvox going to start splitting doses 

8-9:00 pm feel good working on laptop at couch and desk

9:45 pm Luvox 10.5 mg

10-11:00 feel pretty good, laughing , listening to music, thinking about things I can do places I can travel when better  

11:1200 pretty  relaxed watching YouTube in bed fell asleep 

 

3-2-22

total Luvox 22 split

9 am woke up boaty not bad

11 am shower on chair, dry hair,  feed dogs, bad boaty is back sometime during all these tasks 

12 back to lying down, working on stuff in bed 

1:00 boaty better 

200 tried to nap, swaying, 

500 couldn’t nap, got up to work on paperwork and projects 

545 anxious for sure but boaty feels some better

630 spent an hour chopping veg and cooking dinner and cleaning up, felt good hopeful, not boaty

715 pm Luvox 10 mg 

8;45 some boaty crocheting on couch, no worse or better than usual

900 able to sit back and relax, only mildly off balance boaty, feels pretty good

9:30 pm Luvox 12 mg, switched syringe manufacturer accidentally took too much but wanted to updose anyway 

1100 -1200 relaxed watching YouTube in bed

1200 must have fallen asleep 

 

3/3/2022 went like this  worst days in many years …

Total Luvox 25 split

8 am woke up boaty 

10  am got cleaned up and fed dogs boaty getting worse

11 back to bed can’t pace today too tired

6 pm Horrific boaty level 8 all day by now

6 pm Luvox 10 mg will try to split again in case interdose withdrawal is causing the problem

7:30 pm Calmer 

8:30 pm Luvox 14 mg  updose total today 24 mg from 20. 5

945 p calmer but still undulating under the surface in bed

1045 boaty still level 5, anxious. Can’t lay down, sitting up In bed trying to ride it out 

1120 p boaty getting worse in bed

1130 15bmg hydroxazine

12 am feel extra dizzy check blood pressure , 180’s over 100’s, 110 pulse super high for me, severe severe and extra boaty, can barely stand it 

 1200 am call paramedics 

1200-100 paramedics  monitor me , severe dizzy and high vitals  the whole time, panicking 

12:30 super cotton mouth, feels hard to talk ‘

100 am paramedics leave

134 blood pressure coming down, I never get high bp during panic 

1:45 am seems to be settling the tiniest bit still severe, can’t look right without dizziness 

2;40 am total setback failure no benzos since 2018 now taking 1 mg Valium nibble 

3;12 am 1 mg more binibble Valium 

332 am exhausted, super groggy, boaty way better or just not bugging me. 

 

3-4-2022 split 

600 am woke up panicky shaky about what today will bring boaty and anxious feels like it is breaking through rescue bite of Valium from 3 hours ago

642 am small headache taking 2 Tylenol 

715 am boaty and anxiety feels better all of a sudden can lay back on bed tentatively but it is still undulating level 4

728 am screaming tinnitus nothing new 

750 am trying to go back to sleep keep getting waves of anxiety body 

8 am calling psy dr able to sit up in bed not good but not as boaty 

830 am able to lay back and crochet in bed so tired very on edge 

830 to 930 am  able to doze sleeping half sitting up boaty not too bad 

945 am phone rang had to get up got anxious and boaty and wobbly walking around 

950 am back to bed unable to sit will try to breath thru 

950-11 am crocheting sitting up boaty in bed trying to squirm my body out of this anxious boaty feeling can’t really sit without squirming into different positions constantly 

11am can’t eat never get this unless supremely anxious 

11-12 crochet in bed boaty but able to manage boaty 5-6

1230 pm standing up walking around to test the waters wobbly walk and boaty but not the worst 

130 pm boaty and anxiety getting bad again walking to feed dogs 

2pm back in bed trying to stop the undulating with box breathing no relief 

300 pm ate some scrambled eggs, still in bed crochet sitting up because I can’t lay back or boaty gets worse. Trying to self talk myself calm. Boaty still 5 level. 

330 pm had video dr visit she has no idea what to do feel trapped and terrorized, boaty

433 pm super boaty trying to organize computer videos 

450 pm getting pill ready super anxiety super boaty dry mouth  

500 pm took 12.5 Luvox take 5 mil 

5-6pm anxiety boaty no worse and no less better horrific still 8

6 :10 pm maybe a smidge better

6:10 Luvox 12 mg took 4.8 mil left .2 mil or .5 mg 

6:30 drawing standing up Boaty might be getting better don’t feel so much of a need to rock feet  almost feels gone for a second 

637 pm boaty not gone in bathroom 

649 pm tiny inklings of feeling better 

720 pm still feels like boaty maybe getting a tiny bit better

740 feels like it’s ramping up again esp when I try to sit down been standing and rocking all night 

8:44 boaty did not get better, horrific awful rocking standing exhausted

Going to try to sit in bed so tired can’t lay back thought because of swaying getting worse 

9 pm super undulating in bed just trying to sit up watch videos and ride it out can’t tell if it’s getting worse feels like it’s going with my heartbeat pushing and pulling too

10 pm feels like it’s off and on getting better. Exhausted. Going to try to sleep sitting halfway up. 

1015 undulating but too tired to bother me that much. Watching Australia doc. 

1030 undulating horrific again 

11:00 pm finally tired enough to dose off sitting half up 

 

3-5-22

840 am slept decent woke up headache 

Take 2 Tylenol 

Some Diarrhea

Screaming pulsing tinnitus,  it unusual 

940 am back to bed boaty maybe some better in bed exhausted 

[Happy2Heal]

On 2/8/2022 at 5:44 PM, Lindseyb said:

On 1/14/2022 at 11:18 PM, Happy2Heal said:

 

  I am interested in know more about this (for personal reasons) I looked up PPPD and found this: https://www.neuroequilibrium.in/what-is-persistent-postural-perceptual-dizziness-pppd/    I have had some balance and dizziness issues but never really connected them to the drugs or to going off of the drugs. I always found some other possible reason. But I see this PPPD thing is a much longer term problem.

 

 

 

Expand  

You say you are healed, but you still have balance and dizziness issues?

I have pppd from being cold turkeyed.

 

Hi @Lindseyb sorry I am just seeing this now.

yes I am healed. Balance and dizziness were not major WD symptoms for me from getting off the lexapro, but they were in the past and it's hard to say if they were from WD from the dozens of other drugs I've gone off of, or something else.

Hence my interest in this topic.  I have had these symptoms when I was not in WD.

I do have two kinds of migraines however (both without pain) and am intrigued to discover that there is a vestibular migraine that causes dizziness. This may be what caused my dizziness 

 

but this is not my thread, I just didn't want you to think I was being rude by not answering you. I just saw your question today when reading thru this thread to see if there was anything I could add that might help @Warriormaden

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@Warriormaden

 

you are doing great to keep going thru all of this for so long. I wish I had answers for you. I pray that time is the healer for you as it was for me going thru WD recovery.

 

it seems to be that nearly everyone does recover eventually. It's just that time frame that is so difficult to pin down

 

please try to continue to find ways to cope

 

what helps me is to remember that regardless of what you are going thru, you literally only have to deal with the PRESENT moment.

That is how we live our lives, one minute at  a time. Try hard not to think about how long it has been nor how long it might last, neither of those thoughts are helpful to you at all.

I know how incredibly difficult this can be, but it was one of the things that got me thru the worst of WD so I HOPE that it in some way will help you.

 

 

[Warriormaden]

19 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

Hi @Lindseyb sorry I am just seeing this now.

yes I am healed. Balance and dizziness were not major WD symptoms for me from getting off the lexapro, but they were in the past and it's hard to say if they were from WD from the dozens of other drugs I've gone off of, or something else.

Hence my interest in this topic.  I have had these symptoms when I was not in WD.

I do have two kinds of migraines however (both without pain) and am intrigued to discover that there is a vestibular migraine that causes dizziness. This may be what caused my dizziness 

 

but this is not my thread, I just didn't want you to think I was being rude by not answering you. I just saw your question today when reading thru this thread to see if there was anything I could add that might help @Warriormaden

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@Warriormaden

 

you are doing great to keep going thru all of this for so long. I wish I had answers for you. I pray that time is the healer for you as it was for me going thru WD recovery.

 

it seems to be that nearly everyone does recover eventually. It's just that time frame that is so difficult to pin down

 

please try to continue to find ways to cope

 

what helps me is to remember that regardless of what you are going thru, you literally only have to deal with the PRESENT moment.

That is how we live our lives, one minute at  a time. Try hard not to think about how long it has been nor how long it might last, neither of those thoughts are helpful to you at all.

I know how incredibly difficult this can be, but it was one of the things that got me thru the worst of WD so I HOPE that it in some way will help you.

 

 

Thank you so much happytoheal to take the time to respond and offer support and for your prayers and good thoughts. I am so broken right now. Personal messages and Hope from others means so much.  I’ve often thought about looking into medicine for vestibular  migraine but I don’t seem to have the light sensitivity etc.  Let me know if you find any relief if you try them, and I’m interested to know more about your dizzy experiences on and off meds of you feel up to it sometime.  I know I didn’t get out on the meds for this condition but it is a sensation I experience when I’m super anxious just not to this debilitating extent.