Gladstone: Lexapro made me sickly sweet

[peggy]

great update Gladstone, and nice to hear from you again. 15mg to .13 in 6 months is pretty fast, but it looks like you have managed well. To do you signature, click on your name in the top right hand corner and chose 'my profile' - then edit profile. choose 'change signature' from the left hand menu. once you have entered it, click 'post' and you are done!

[Altostrata]

You're doing so well! If you're feeling a little unsteady, for whatever reason, why not take a little break from tapering? Or, you might want to start sneaking off by .01mg at a time now.

 

I think you mean putting your history in your signature, here are the instructions http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

[Nikki]

HI Gladstone

 

I can totally relate to your symptoms. I had the same experiences while tapering Lexapro.

 

The good news is that it will pass. I had to taper Lexapro very slowly.

 

PS

Friends are priceless

[Gladstone]

I usually feel okay, pretty "normal" but there are moments when things irk me more than they should or I look at pictures of my kid for example then cry like a baby.

 

Since I am so sensitive to caffeine, alcohol and most supplements I have been trying to eat as "clean" as I can. I really don't care for eggs but having one most days seems to help. That and my non-negotiable hour long walk.

 

I waver between wanting to cling to this site like a life raft and trying not to read anything with the terms SSRI or antidepressants in it. I guess that's pretty common too.

 

I do know that after a dose drop and I go through a couple days of symptoms I have to wait for weeks to go by before another drop no matter how good I feel.

 

I am in no rush and know that Dr Glenmullen's advice to stop after 2.5 mgs or my nurse practitioner who says she tells patients to taper to 10 mgs and stop (!!!!!!!!) are not relevant to me. I am not even tempted to go quicker. My WD from zoloft was, quite frankly, the worst thing I had ever experienced. I still marvel I survived it.

 

Sites like this not only save sanity, they save lives. Too bad there are so few places on the Internet like this. EVERY doctor who prescribes ADs should give out this web address along with the prescription. Unless you have been through discontinuation you have no idea that that innocuous looking script may be a loaded gun.

[areyouthere]

Gladstone. After being on 5 mgs. of lexapro you started to use a scale, right? Do your posted mgs. in your signature represent the weight of the tablets? or the actual mgs. of lexapro? Just curious as I am tapering lexapro myself.

 

It is very reassuring to me to hear that you are being so successful with your taper!! Bravo!!!

 

RU

[Gladstone]

I guess they just represent the weight of the pills. Well, pill chips.

[Altostrata]

Good enough!!!!

[Gladstone]

I have had moments where I think, "Oh geez you felt great on 5mgs of lexapro. Just go back to that and don't rock the boat." Please tell me this is only apprehension, a normal part of WD, a common idea of retreat.

[peggy]

hi Gladstone, yes, i think those thoughts are common in w/d. Effexor always worked well for me and many people think i am crazy for wanting to get off . But, i really wasn't great - i think in the end i was becoming unmotivated and i was finding it hard to feel anything - good or bad. I put on about 5kgs (i know that's not too much), had zero libido and was always constipated.

[Gladstone]

Thanks Peggy. I guess taper is like every other change or difficult journey--the desire to quit or turn around pops up and begs us to give in. I assume that that call to just quit must be extremely harder for those weaning off other drugs. Or for alcoholics.

 

For most of my lexapro life I was on 20mgs, a dose which left me with more apathy than anything else. There was a feeling that I could just drift into old age, with life asking nothing of me and that was ok. Because my med took away all concern. Sometimes the thought of never returning to that "void" is frightening. Stockholm Syndrome maybe?

 

 

 

I am good at frightening myself so much that my late therapist bought me a copy of a Hannah Hunard book whose main character was a figure named,"Much Afraid."

 

I really thought by this age I wouldn't be such a wimp. I almost feel sometimes that my whole life for 14 years has been borne on the strength of first zoloft, then lexapro, and I am about to fly solo. But I'm aiming for that. Even much afraid.

[Karma]

Hi Gladstone

 

I think the fear is a withdrawal symptom. When I give myself enough time to stabilize the fear fades for me and I can face the world again. Perhaps give yourself a little more time holding at your current dose to see if the fear subsides.

 

Karma

[Gladstone]

I think I've cried 3 times already today. My husband and I went to lunch & he mentioned he is going to see a doctor for coccyx pain since he's had it for 6 months. Of course I googled his symptoms & am now terrified he has cancer. He chuckled & said,"You always think the worst."

 

And I said,"No I better go back up to 5mgs lexapro since I just can't handle this fear."

 

He said,"You want off of lexapro. Just try to control your emotions and stop scaring yourself."

 

Right now I'm terrified, crying, a return to the "old me" pre antidepressants.

 

Anyone else here have health anxiety? Anyone else find it return during tapering or be stricken with it the first time while tapering?

 

I'm sorry for being a pain. I just don't know if this fear is a sign I should re-instate and try again in a few months. Or years.

 

This isn't drama queenism. This is terror.

[tezza]

Hi Gladstone,

 

A lot of us have had that kind of anxiety and fear, including me. It does get better in time, it just feels like its going to take forever, it really won't.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so much distress right now.

 

Hang in there, we are all pulling for you.

 

Hugs,

 

Tezza

[Gladstone]

I need advice, please. Depression and anxiety has hit me hard. Would it be safe to go all the way back up to 5mgs? I want some stability for awhile but don't want to do damage by going back up too quickly. Thanks. Sorry I'm a pain. I just want to know if going from .13 mgs back up to 5mgs would injure me more.

[Altostrata]

There's a big space between .13mg and 5mg!!!

 

Try .15mg, or a little more. You'll be surprised what a very small increase can do.

[Gladstone]

I know but I'm terrified, feel as if I have hit a brick wall. Would the 5mgs be safe? I just need calm & time to sort this out. I felt good at 5mgs so if it is safe I want to stay there awhile & get my bearings. (I have been out of bed for only 2 hours & think I'll go lie down awhile. If you can give me advice about the 5gs I'd appreciate it).

[Altostrata]

If I were you, I would NOT go up to 5mg. It might be activating.

 

Try adding just a few .01mg more. My guess is you need somewhat less than .25mg.

[Gladstone]

On my scale the 5mgs tablets weigh. .0024 . Am I not using the scale correctly? My. 0013 is about a half a 5mg tablet. I am so confused.

[Altostrata]

That is confusing!

 

I thought you had tapered down to .13mg Lexapro, or 2.6% of a 5mg tablet.

 

The tablet is labeled 5mg because it contains 5mg of active ingredient (Lexapro). 5mg is not the weight of the tablet.

 

On my scale the 5mgs tablets weigh. .0024

.0024 of what unit of weight? You had mentioned .13 before -- what unit of weight is that? It doesn't sound like milligrams.

 

I can't figure out what your Lexapro dosage is. You'd have to calculate the weight of your tablet fragment as a percentage of the total weight, then multiply 5mg by that percentage to find out.

 

I suggest you get liquid Lexapro or make a liquid, it will enable easier tapering, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

 

However you calculate it, if you're taking slightly less than half a 5mg tablet, think in terms of increasing by a few tenths or hundredths of a milligram, not by 2.5mg.

[peggy]

Hi Gladstone,

 

please don't go all the way up - you sound SO much like me!!!!! I encountered similar fear and went straight back up to my 'safe' dose this time last year - then i spent another 6 months tapering back down again, (again a little too fast) - and i hit another hurdle with similar fear, but this time i only went up a bit (still more than i needed). It was a good experience for me because it showed me the fear really was withdrawal.

 

The last week or so i have been a little wobbly again - i have up dosed to my last stable dose, which is only on step on the staircase rather than halfway or the whole way up. Why don't you go up 2 or 3 steps, rather than 8?

 

Also, are you taking fish oil and magnesium? And you would probably benefit from some meditation.....

[Gladstone]

The scale has confused me. I take half of a 5mg tablet. On the scale it weighs .00013mgs. But it is really about half a 5mg pill.

 

I was apathetic on 20mgs, better on 10 mgs, and "normal" on 5mgs. If I return to 5mgs then get the liquid to taper will I be sabotaging myself?

 

Today I am in crisis, the way I felt before ADs. I am so churning with anxiety and the nascent pull of depression that I have done nothing except lie on the couch and eat part of a banana.

 

I went into the taper thinking with time and effort I could live a med free life. Now all I want is any kind of life.

 

I may be a failure for going back up to 5mgs but I am not sure I see a choice.

 

I thank everyone for your support. I feel as if I stumbled badly but maybe right now is not my time.

 

I know what depression can do and I know how far I can fall.

 

Hopefully I will be back but thank you all until then.

[Altostrata]

On the scale it weighs .00013mgs. But it is really about half a 5mg pill.

Does the scale measure in grams? Your decimal point is wandering all over the place.

 

You need to calculate your dosage in meaningful milligrams of Lexapro, not the weight of the pill.

 

I highly recommend converting to a liquid. This may be the ideal time to do it, increase a tiny bit and take 2.5mg Lexapro.

[Gladstone]

I am taking a tapering break for now but thank you for your support and wisdom. This site is really terrific and has helped me a lot.

[Lilu]

Can I ask those of you much more veteran that I (because I'm sure it's been discussed): I know Dr's are sold by pharmacy reps on the newest, shiniest drug, but if every "improved" AD from zoloft on has been found to have the discontinuation from hell, unlike Prozac, why don't Drs who truly care about their patients just prescribe Prozac? I know thousands of doctors have heard from patients about the issues related to discontinuing these drugs. Don't they listen? Or is our withdrawal (and I'm talking patients probably in the millions) just a weak cry against the powerful drug companies and their reps?The last time I was in my gyno's office I saw a drug rep being hustled back to the Dr's private office. I realized that in 20 years of seeing this doctor, I had nearly ALWAYS seen a drug rep walking past. (Usually young, well-dressed, bulging sample case, eager to peddle their wares). And I realized that that young fellow may have in his hands the samples that may launch a hundred of the doctor's patients (or more) into grueling side effects, protacted withdrawal, years of extra pounds or flattened affect or lack of a sex drive.And I swear I wanted to trip young Opie when he walked past. Send him sprawling, his sample case scudding out into the hall.Seriously. I never thought much of the "Big Pharma" criticism because I truly believed that doctors STUDIED these meds, stood as first line between us and Madison Avenue. Honored their Hippocratic Oath. But now? Now I believe that we are not patients needing attention, but consumers whose insurance will cover the cost of a new drug ever so much more expensive than the last. The FDA has also been complicit because as many of you have pointed out, the drug trials are short-lived for meds we're told we need "for life" because of our "chemical imbalance."I think I'm remembering what anger felt like. I spent a few minutes which a new psych doc who gave me the chemical imbalance spiel with minutes. Did he draw blood? Have a lab read the results? Look them up in some big medical textbook? No. He gave his opinion on something he can't quantify. As did my last psych doc. And now I'm foggy, forgetful, and fat. That "chemical imbalance" of mine must be stronger than thyroid disease, diabetes or a pituitary tumor because it obviously demands I flood my system with a no benefit pill that's as easy to wean off of as morphine.I think if the entire populace of patients on any treatment or med suddenly started researching and demanding answers the earth would shift.And I do think the fact that AD's cause weight gain is a bonus to the drug companies. After all what depresses a woman about her appearance more than weight? We get fat and the doctor can add a "booster drug" to counter the weight gain. Or else there's a weight loss drug. Or weight loss surgery.As an added bonus, weight gain often makes us less likely to go out, less likely to try new things. Or old things. Isn't it swell after a 30 lb gain to see it reflected in an old acquaintance's eyes? "Damn Gladstone, are you in there?"The only blessing, I suppose, is that these drugs don't cause rapid weight loss. Otherwise young girls may abuse them to get that side effect.Again, I'm ranting. Because this site is waking me up. And I am pissed OFF.

 

Wow. I love how you write!  Your words are so right on.  I am just as angry and pissed off at these drugs and the doctors that prescribe them.  Can we get Michael Moore to make a movie about this???

[Lilu]

I think I've cried 3 times already today. My husband and I went to lunch & he mentioned he is going to see a doctor for coccyx pain since he's had it for 6 months. Of course I googled his symptoms & am now terrified he has cancer. He chuckled & said,"You always think the worst."And I said,"No I better go back up to 5mgs lexapro since I just can't handle this fear."He said,"You want off of lexapro. Just try to control your emotions and stop scaring yourself."Right now I'm terrified, crying, a return to the "old me" pre antidepressants.Anyone else here have health anxiety? Anyone else find it return during tapering or be stricken with it the first time while tapering?I'm sorry for being a pain. I just don't know if this fear is a sign I should re-instate and try again in a few months. Or years.This isn't drama queenism. This is terror.

 

I had coccyx pain for about 2 years once.  It started after sitting in a bad chair for 3 months.  Eventually it went away on its own.  An xray should clear up your fears.