Armorall: Got my dancing shoes back on!

[Armorall]

@Lilly998 I would say not pushing yourself would be better. You want your nervous system to calm down. You do want to do gentle activities, you  can't just rot in bed all day long as much as you'd like to. Going  walking in a forest is ideal- it's the right amount of visual stimulation without the stress for the most part. Yes, my memory is like a hawk- everything came back. I'm a strong mother, activist and educator as I used to be. I never really got anhedonia though, so can't speak to that. 

[rmce72a]

Thank you for telling your story. I am in week 4 of my tapering Effexor XR 75 after 20 years.  I have been more and more depressed over the last 2 1/2 years and now have GAD, so I know Effexor 75 isn't working.  I have a sweet, kind GP who is clueless when it comes to AD. I came to him after my former doctor (who put me on Effexor) retired. I see a therapist too and they are both pushing me to try other ADs, but I don't want to get on the merry-go-round. Therapy is helping some, and I just want to be drug-free. I, too, get discouraged from reading the many physical problems people have even after they are off meds. It was refreshing and encouraging to read your story. Thank you.

[Guest]

On 6/16/2022 at 3:08 PM, Armorall said:

@Lilly998 I would say not pushing yourself would be better. You want your nervous system to calm down. You do want to do gentle activities, you  can't just rot in bed all day long as much as you'd like to. Going  walking in a forest is ideal- it's the right amount of visual stimulation without the stress for the most part. Yes, my memory is like a hawk- everything came back. I'm a strong mother, activist and educator as I used to be. I never really got anhedonia though, so can't speak to that. 

I read that your memory return. I have the feelingvthatbi develop dementia. And I only remember bad things about me. Will this pass? 

[Armorall]

@Lilly998 All of that will pass. You probably are only remembering bad things about yourself because your anxiety is very high at times. Do not worry. It will pass and you will heal. Remember that the more confidence you have in your own healing, the easier it will be to withstand the hard parts of your journey. You will heal. 

[Armorall]

@rmce72a sorry I somehow didn't see your message before. You will heal. I am glad my story helps you. I know people need confidence in their future healing as I so often did. So I'm here to tell you you will heal. 
Guest I'm so sorry, I somehow responded to the wrong person before instead of you. Here is my response to you: All of that will pass. You probably are only remembering bad things about yourself because your anxiety is very high at times. Do not worry. It will pass and you will heal. Remember that the more confidence you have in your own healing, the easier it will be to withstand the hard parts of your journey. You will heal.

Best wishes to the both of you ❤️

 

 

[DaBro]

On 8/18/2022 at 2:30 PM, Quittingquentiapin said:

I read that your memory return. I have the feelingvthatbi develop dementia. And I only remember bad things about me. Will this pass? 

I had many flashbacks Guest  They took me back to my childhood and 20’s a lot. I went through a lot of self criticism. After a while my windows and waves became more predictable and I noticed that flashbacks always came at the same point in a wave. 
 

I believe that the waves are the time our brains heal. Windows become better and longer after each wave. 
 

so waves are part of healing and old memories are part of waves. You are not getting dementia, you are actually healing now you are free of the meds. 
 

try not to criticise yourself or re-live the memories. See them for what they are - just thoughts. 
 

take care. 

[Thorin]

So good to read these success stories. Sometimes they’re all that keeps me going. I admit I obsessively read peoples signatures and feel hope every time I read one where someone’s successfully recovered. I hope I get there too one day. There seem to be so many challenges between here and the point where I’m off meds and ok again. It’s terrifying at times!

[Armorall]

@Thorin you will heal, there is no doubt about that. You are doing great. 

[conkaia]

On 10/23/2022 at 7:50 AM, DaBro said:

I had many flashbacks @Quittingquentiapin  They took me back to my childhood and 20’s a lot. I went through a lot of self criticism. After a while my windows and waves became more predictable and I noticed that flashbacks always came at the same point in a wave. 
 

I believe that the waves are the time our brains heal. Windows become better and longer after each wave. 
 

so waves are part of healing and old memories are part of waves. You are not getting dementia, you are actually healing now you are free of the meds. 
 

try not to criticise yourself or re-live the memories. See them for what they are - just thoughts. 
 

take care. 

Thanks for this.  I'm really struggling with flashbacks, intrusive memories and intrusive thoughts right now.  Your post is very reassuring.

[Armorall]

Welp, just wanted to post an update. It has been 4 years since I was hospitalized and coaxed into taking the AD cocktail that disabled me for some time. I'm doing extremely well and doing all the things that I used to do- teaching in person, going to shows and going out dancing, exercising as much as I want and doing activism and being a parent and a wife. I continue to not be able to drink coffee or sugary drinks, but I think that that is a benefit now that I am in perimenopause and feeling the signs of aging. In retrospect, coffee didn't really help me perform very well. I wake up refreshed every morning from sleep and don't get as irritable or tired through the day. I've taken on intermittent fasting to help with those things too and I'm glad that my nervous system can handle it. I got some anxiety the first few days of only eating 5-6 hours a day, but that resolved itself after a week at most. 
I still want to do some activism around ADs, there's just so much going on right now. 
Just a reminder if you are reading this and in WD, you will heal. If you need someone to remind you that you will heal when you're feeling down, please send a message to my FB account and I can remind you when you need it, provided it isn't several times a week. 
I wish you all the best and thank you for reading. 
 

[Armorall]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to do my yearly check in and perhaps provide some useful information. First off, all is well and I'm loving life. I've become quite the force in all areas of my life: activism, cultural/club affairs, parenting, teaching. Because of the past (that I share with y'all) I'm very much not afraid to ask, speak out, and try stuff. I'm sure you survivors know that if you can survive this, you can do anything. And you will survive and your life will be glorious afterwards. Well, without getting too specific, I have produced some groundbreaking events, am seen as a leader in many places and am on the verge of getting my dream teaching job! 

In terms of developments- I am now able to drink decaffeinated coffee. I know that that might not seem super remarkable to some, but decaf also has caffeine in it. I couldn't drink it at all, it would make me very tired and then anxious the next day. I can say now that I can drink it and get a slight caffeine buzz and it's ok! Coffee was my religion before, so, to be able to walk into a coffee shop once again and order decaf...well, it's so great! 

Another thing- it looks like on the threads, people are concerned (rightfully so) with the after effects of getting a sedated colonoscopy, because we are very careful in taking powerful drugs lest they set us back in our healing (or pull us back into WD symptoms if you are healed). I do see that people have reported getting the propofol and it not affecting them. 
I wanted to offer another alternative, which is no sedation AT ALL! If you're not from the US, you probably already know this, but after joining a colonoscopy group to talk about the drugs that are administered during the procedure, someone stepped forward and mentioned not getting any drugs at all. I looked it up, and saw that yes, outside of the US, many people don't get sedation. I asked my doctor if he could do it, and he said yes, in fact, he doesn't use sedation either! 
Here's my write-up on my experience:

So, my journey started once I was confronted with the fact that I would have to get a colonoscopy. I usually go into FB groups and the like when I have to make such decisions these days in order to screen for harm and options. I asked folks in the group what types of anesthesia are usually administered for colonoscopy and people mentioned propofol and fentanyl. I was a bit freaked out, then someone mentioned that they got it with no anesthesia. They reported no pain, just some vague cramping. I looked it up, and, lo and behold, it's mostly Americans that get sedated for the procedure, the rest of the world generally doesn't. So, they assigned me a doctor for a procedure for Boxing Day. I looked him up. All 5 star ratings out of 60. Good! I wrote the nurse and asked to speak to him, she told me she would float him my questions. I asked if I could have the procedure with no sedation. Dr. himself wrote me back and said that he himself takes colonoscopies with no sedation and asked me why I wanted it. I told him I have something like dysautonomia from previous drug injury and would prefer no drugs if possible. He agreed to do it, says he does about 2-3 unsedated procedures a year. He said he would use a water method for insertion. So, fast forward to the big day, I've done my prep and at the hospital. The nurse tells me the rest of the world usually does the procedure without sedation. They wheel me in and give me oxygen. I ask if they could add nitrous oxide into the tube and everyone (a nurse, a tech and the doctor) laughs. I start talking about how I got some nitrous during my 32-hour unmedicated (uh, no epidural) birth labor. We start talking about birth, then punk rock for a bit, then being in bands. Meanwhile, Dr. has fed in the camera. It is a bit uncomfortable, like a poop you want to push out, so I realized I would just have to kind of relax my butt so that it felt more comfortable. Once the camera goes past the initial area, it's really nothing because they're probably pushing through something that is a pretty low gage (for those of you who wear tampons, it's like that, once it's past the muscle, it's like nothing). My doctor keeps complimenting me on how well I prepped, the colon looks very clear. He tells me that some folks don't check their bowel movements before coming, so then it is a murkey journey. The tech jokes that, "Your colon is so clean, I could eat off of it!" Lol! The camera gets pushed forward, then slightly back, then forward and that's how it keeps going. Once they got to the end of the colon, they told me that they were at the end of the colon. I was amazed. Other than the weaving sensation, it really was nothing. No pain, a vague cramp once it turned a corner, but really nothing. They don't start looking through the camera until they start pulling it back out. They found two small polyps that the doc said definitely look benign. I wasn't watching the camera, but I watched them cut both (you do not have to do this, there is an option to put a small towel over your eyes if you prefer). It's a little loop that they bring around the polyp and cut. There's a bit of blood, the water is going the whole time and also being suctioned out (much like being at the dentist). There are no nerves in your colon, so if they cut, you cannot feel it. This is also why it doesn't hurt. They cut the second one, and then eventually the doc said we were almost done. Once the camera started to exit, I started to feel that discomfort that I had at the beginning again (one minute tops), and then it was over. The procedure lasted exactly 15 minutes and 59 seconds. The staff said that they appreciated me and that it is easier to do the procedure with a totally awake person. They don't advertise no sedation because they say it's hard to do it with people with high anxiety. They said I was calm the whole time and a good candidate for it and appreciated the jokes (lol). It was really no big deal and the nurses on the way out were amazed that they didn't have to do anything but hand me paperwork. So yes, it's very doable, the only not so great candidates would be people who are very anxious, also if you've had any abdominal work (hysterectomy for example) then it'd be too hard because apparently the colon flops into the space where the uterus was. Or with other surgeries, there's too much scar tissue to do a good unsedated procedure. The doctor said that he himself has a square colon, so it is very easy to navigate. Mayo clinic also has articles in favor of no sedation.   Anyways, please feel free to ask any and all questions. I'm definitely a big advocate of being able to do medical things without so many drugs if it is safe. 15 minutes tops for this procedure and an ability to drive there and home is huge! 
 

  I did want to include this because I feel like the more contentious piece of colonoscopy since people think that the sedation part is pretty easy is the actual prep part so I wanted to include my answer to that question below as well. I'm glad you asked that question because I forgot to mention. I did ask the doctor about the pills during the procedure (lol). He said that he wasn't sure about their efficacy, plus they had been recalled a few years ago for causing kidney failure. They have since been "improved" and put back out on the market. There is also a go-between that my friend told me about the night before I started prepping called Clenpiq. Said friend has done several colonoscopies and prefers Clenpiq to the jug one. It's way less volume. I think you drink a small bottle, then drink some water/your choice of fluids, then another small bottle. My doc's argument is that he pointed out that I vomited drinking the 4 liter (truth be told, I came short of drinking the remaining 32 oz, that's without calculating how much I lost throwing it up- maybe 16 oz). But, if I had had the low volume one (Clenpiq) then if I threw up, I'd have even less product available for me to clean me up. I'm not sure I buy that, I mean, I think I wouldn't have had to throw up if I hadn't had to drink so damn much in the morning. Regardless, insurance covered drinking Golytely (the jug) so I just drank it. In the future, maybe I would pay out of pocket for the Clenpiq. Depends on how much it is. I didn't get sick when I drank the half the night before. Joe assured me I would feel sick and not hungry, but I was mostly fine and annoyingly hungry. The next morning, I drank two sets of 8oz and hurled my guts out, gave up for an hour, then drank 16oz and went to the procedure leaving 32 oz still in my fridge. Both my mom and my husband only drank half of the four liter (my mom because she rationalized that she is only 4 foot 10 in stature and doesn't need the whole thing, Joe because he was to nauseated to drink the rest) and they both had clean pictures, so maybe most people only need to drink half, I dunno. My husband thinks that they push 4 liters because of all the people that don't actually follow the diet guidelines and eat a bunch of stuff that sticks to your colon.  Oh another thing I forgot is that I was supposed to take these simethicone pills to remove the bubbles the night before. I somehow forgot to take them, and when I went in, they said they were running a machine to take out the bubbles during the procedure. I apologized and told them I totally forgot to take the bubble pills, and they said it's no problem. The doc said his partner wanted to include that in the instructions, but it's really not necessary.

 
Anyways, so that's it! Please write with any questions you might have. Happy New Year, members! 

 

[Ryder]

On 1/16/2022 at 12:17 PM, Armorall said:

ALSO thanks to the crew here at SA, aside from trying an acupuncture/herb regimen at the very beginning of withdrawal (which was completely disastrous), I never ever took anything to try to alleviate the WD state. I think that helped me a ton even though I kept asking in the forums about various things to try and noticing how risky it was. I never ended up taking/doing any of it. Just sleep, fish oil and magnesium.

 

I can confirm I did this around 2016. I saw a Naturopath, not a very good one, who knew about the 10% rule but I wanted to shortcut the system and taper quickly. She gave me a completely ridiculous Gluten diet + Supplements program that was as you say "Disastrous".

 

I think the advice of Magnesium and Fishoil is good advice.

[Ryder]

And the story above about the Colon is genuinely hilarious... 😂 I needed a laugh today so thanks for posting that.

[Armorall]

On 1/7/2024 at 8:30 PM, Ryder said:

And the story above about the Colon is genuinely hilarious... 😂 I needed a laugh today so thanks for posting that.

@Ryder thank you, I'm glad you liked it, lol!