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cinephile

This is for Alexjice

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cinephile

Alexjice --

 

I am in my own withdrawal hell right now, but for right now I just want to say you're an awesome human being and you deserve everything everyone else takes for granted (health, employment, and a fair shot at joy). The cruelest thing being part of the 'RX' generation is you learn life isn't fair. You lose your innocence in a savage way. As one Returning soldier said about coming home with PTSD and trying to re-integrate with his old friends, "It's like I just came back from a three year camping trip no one else went on." It's unspeakable what we go through on this board, but you've spoken about it with a hardened eloquence and wit that is nothing short of heroic.

 

If you can believe it, I've always been somewhat jealous of your resilience. You take ladlefuls of pain, toxic isolation and harrowing uncertainty with a superhuman grain of salt. I can also tell you are a very intelligent person, which makes you acutely aware of your situation and how little these so-called professionals can help our situation. That makes the situation that much more painful -- and your struggle that much more impressive.

 

I'm being tested now too, and I want you to personally know that you are one of the few people I consider heroic. Just know that every day you decide to get up in the morning, you're doing a heroic deed. You must know that.

 

Keep up the good work, and above all, KEEP GOING.

 

PS: Your post on JFK's medical struggles was one of the most effective inspirational/self help posts I've read. In fact, it inspired me to start watching presidential biographies to distract myself from my own withdrawal and also be inspired by their struggles.

 

PPS: I'm dedicating this Youtube video to you. You (and everyone on this board, for that matter) deserves what's in this video: a loving hug, unconditional acceptance, and the respect and trust we didn't get from our doctors (and in some cases, loved ones/friends). Key Line: "It is so strange how things turn."

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KZjvlKjeXI

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alexjuice

Cine,

 

I saw this and didn't want to click...not right away. I've had a bad stretch of days. Since I'm counting the bad stretches in increments of years now, it takes a lot of nastiness for a few days to register as a 'bad stretch'.... I know you understand.

 

I didn't click at first bc I knew I'd get emotional. I knew it and I didn't yet know what you'd said yet.

 

Well now I have read and watched/listened and, yea, I got emotional. Emotional in a really great way. I don't "feel" too strongly too often and it makes a special moment when I do.

 

You wrote a lot of amazing things. I thought of waiting til I had my laptop and not just my mobile to respond but I felt so appreciative I had to thank you.

 

Thanks.

 

When I'm not around the forum there are a few posters I think of and you're one of them. I wonder how things are going for, if things are improving, maybe getting more complicated...all of it. It's funny how the Internet is. I have friends I've never met.

 

Probably I think of you cuz we're much the same, you and I. Here we are. Left here to make the best of it.

 

We all know how hard it is and only we will ever know; you can't tell someone else and have them get it. But no matter how isolated I feel in real space, I know there are people in this space. It's easy for me to say I'm gonna keep going but it's hard to feel that way all the time. On here I don't feel so alone.

 

In the end I choose to not give up. No matter how many "normal people" mislabel me there are a couple of truths that keep me going. The first, one I hope you and all on here also share, is that I am worthy of getting better, no matter the wait. Secondly, I know the truth. I don't care what others believe about me. I know the truth and that's all that matters to me.

 

Thanks again. Just...thanks. Maybe things turn soon for the both of us.

 

Hang in there.

 

Alex

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