jonah2001: last dose duloxetine 6 1/2 month ago

[jonah2001]

@Erimus

@slowphie

Thank you so much for your answer. 

I showed my parents the movie.. and tried to explain them what is going on. 

 

They understand now! That's the postive thing. 

 

The negative thing is, that I have no idea how I should go through this anymore. It's so terrible.  

I am laying on the ground, screaming because the emotional pain is so incredible hardcore. I have no idea how to handle this anymore. 

The sadness is so extreme I can't even talk. 

And my symptoms come and go and change every view minutes. My muscles get stiff -> my mood get's better. Than my muscles are getting normal-> I get terrible Neuro-emotions ->I get fatigue -> my mood get's better->Fatigue goes away -> I am crying again. 

 

And between those changes are mostly like 10-30 minutes. 

The physical symptoms aren't that worse.. but the mental ones I have at least once a hour are killing me every 30-60 minutes. 

I have pain, than crying, than mental agitation, than anger... it doesn't stops. 

 

Did you somebody think's that reinstatement could work? I can't go anymore. 

I can't live like this for 2-3 years. 

It's not possible. I am dead after one crying spell. But I have like 20-30 a day 😭😭 

 

I am so hoples, I can't even eat anymore! 

 

And then out of nowhere I am completely normal for 60 minutes. And boom 60 minutes later I am laying on the ground crying.. 

 

[jonah2001]

The only thing I think, I can do.. is go through the next 3 month. To the one year mark. And look if it's better. 

I know 3 month is nothing.. but probably it's a small bit better. 

 

It's so hard to believe, how I should go through this for many years. 

Like how people are able to through this hell for 5 years?! 

 

I am 21 now. I hope that I will be over WD before I am 25!

 

[slowphie]

I really recommend joining “Cymbalta hurts worse” on Facebook. That must be one of the best antidepressant tapering/withdrawal support groups I’ve seen. In most cases, people don’t seem like they need five years to get better - of course, this does happen, but the fact you already have windows is a really good sign. You have youth on your side too. Hang in there! I’ve talked to some people who CTd off Duloxetine actually, and it was HELL but they both improved a lot after the first year. I can’t promise the same will happen because it’s so different for everyone, but don’t expect the worst. 

[Armorall]

@jonah2001 Don't worry, I imagine you will turn the corner sooner than later, and then it will be easier to handle all this. Also remember that since you have those on and off windows (60 minutes normal, then 60 minutes of intensity) your brain is indeed repairing itself, that's why it is going back and forth like that. I answered your PM so please find more writing there. You will get through this and see the other side ❤️

 

[jonah2001]

@Armorall Thank you so much for your answer.

 

[jonah2001]

10 month update: 

I'm still in absolute hell. The neuro-emotions are absolutely terrible, still. 

Since month 7-10 I saw no improvement.

The only symptom that go a tiny bit better is the fatigue and the muscle cramps. 

But the neuro-emotions aren't improving yet. It's the same every 60 minutes cycle.

Those neuro-emotions i have every day: extrem neuro pain(it's absolutely brutal) 

                                                                     anger

                                                                     neuro akathsie

                                                                     .... and many more i didn't even have a word fore

But 1 time every two weeks i get windows where i feel okay for a view hours(1-3 hours) 

 

But all the improvement i had, until February, is gone.

I am now suffering those brutal mental symptoms since 7 month and it's getting worse and worse. 

I hope i will get to a point where i'm not just surviving in the next 12-24 month. 

 

Since month 7 everything changed to a point, where it's just surviving. 

In the last 10 weeks i had exactly 3 hours, where i thought i could survive this. Pain,anger,pain, crying-spell.. without brake, since 10 weeks. My favorite part is sleeping. And when i feel calm after a rage episode, 5 minutes later the next one comes.

But my sleep is also very bad. So i didn't even get the sleeping brakes.  

 

Improvement over the last 10 weeks: 0%

 

 

Hell is not even the right word for this. I sometimes forget to eat, because i'm suffering so extremely bad.

I lost 12 kg in 10 weeks.

 

i'm completly hopeless.

 

The only thing that keeps me alive, is @Armorall, who had similar symptoms. 

 

But all in all it's a living nightmare, i don't want to stand up in the mornings, because i know i will suffer the whole day. 

 

 

It's just not getting better. 

[jonah2001]

* that was a strong Neuro-emotion. I am seeing improvement! 

My muscle stiffness improved a lot(I can sometimes ride my bicycle. The fatigue is better. And I have more and more times where I can see sharp. 

 

But the most important thing would be, that my mental symptoms improve. 

 

I hate that: feeling good one day and terrible the next day. 

 

Today I was feeling better. But I have still so many strange symptoms. 

 

But I am sure that I will be better/good at the end of this year!

 

It's sometimes very hard, to live with a brain wich is telling very strange things. And I believe my own brain, the problem..

[jonah2001]

I have a new symptom. I have muscle cramps in my tongue. It's hard to talk now. 

One new symptom after the other. 

 

Will there be a point where I don't get new symptoms?

[jonah2001]

I lose trust in healing process more and more. 

I am getting not better. Is it normal to get symptoms back, that improved over the last 8 week's? 

 

I was doing so much better with my muscles, and now they are so stiff, I can't even walk anymore. 

 

Will this nightmare ever stop? I am losing hope. 

I was dying every day, but at least I could say to my self: Look, your muscle cramps got so much better. And now they are at square one again. Is this normal in WD? 

Also other symptoms that got better are back right now. And I really thought they improved. 

And I am 10 month out now. There must be improvement?! 

[jonah2001]

I hope so.

[jonah2001]

It gets more worse and more worse and more worse. I get 20 different extreme emotions in 15 minutes. It's absolutely terrible. 

 

I don't think I can survive this. 10 month out and it's absolutely terrible. With terrible I mean: I am living from minute to minute every ******* day. 

 

Those symptoms don't settle down. 

I have them now for 12 weeks and I see no progress. 

 

I can't do this anymore. 

[Fairsome]

I am sorry that you are going through this... I am also suffering from some horrible symptoms, full blown PSSD, anhedonia, pelvic spasms, loss of appetite and so on. It is really a disgrace that at this age we should be dealing with this **** instead of enjoying life... I don't know what an idiot this doctor should be for prescribing you these very dangerous drugs just for pain... I was also into sports, doing morning cardio outside, hitting the gym etc, now I am not able to handle any of this, my nervous system is too damaged... Have you been able to keep up with your studies at least? 

Take care!

[jonah2001]

Today is even more terrible. I feel so horrible I can't talk, eat or anything. 

I just want to sleep. Sleep, sleep and sleep. 

 

The problem is, I don't get any sleep. 

 

It's absolutely terrible. 

 

I am going through this since 10 month. But since month 7 it got so incredible terrible, I have no idea how I should survive. Every minute is absolutely hell.

[ChessieCat]

What you are experiencing is what many members here experience as they recover.  Please check out the following resources:

 

On 12/27/2015 at 6:37 AM, Altostrata said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery
 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

 

[jonah2001]

Thank you so much for your answer @ChessieCat. I know, that many people are experiencing the same. I hope that WD has now reached the deepest part. And that it will get better after this. 

I have the feeling, that my brain needed some time, until everything broke lose. I hope that it won't get any harder.

 

But thank you so much for answering!! Thank you! 

[jonah2001]

Sorry guys, but I can't go anymore. 

This is my last post here.

[ChessieCat]

Please read the following and find local support:

 

 

[jonah2001]

Yes, I will go to a doctor!

[thenextguy]

13 hours ago, jonah2001 said:

Yes, I will go to a doctor!

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, @jonah2001. I do hope you'll stick around.

[jonah2001]

@thenextguy Thank you so much for your answer. Yes, WD IS ABSOLUTLY terrible. Especially the mental symptoms.

[jonah2001]

10 1/2 month update. 

 

So, I am in absolute hell. 

In January , the mental symptoms really started to improve. And I was more and more my old self. 

But than in the middle of February it started to get terrible. March was absolutely horror.. But than I saw, that it got little bit better and more manageable over time.. 

But now since 3 week's, it's even more terrible. It's so terrible, I think I die. 

I can't really talk, I can't move I can't do anything because of that symptoms. I get 1-3 times a few hours where I don't feel as bad. But most of the time is pure hell.  

 

Has somebody experienced similar, that it got so terrible at 10 month out?! It's brutal..

 

 

[Altostrata]

@jonah2001 please describe this sensation in greater detail. 

[jonah2001]

@Fairsome 

Sorry, that I am answering now. I am feeling so bad that it's sometimes hard to answer. 

How are you doing? 

It's so terrible, isn't it? 

I was playing tennis on a high level, now this seems like a dream to me. 

 

No, I can't study. I am barley surviving each and every day. It's horrible. 

 

But in the end we will recover. No idea when, no idea how I should get there.. but I am sure I will. 

 

Same for you. I miss the Sport. 

[jonah2001]

@Altostrata 

In january and february it wasn't that terrible, like it is now. I felt terrible from October - december. But thing's slowly improved. And than in the middle of February it got absolutely terrible. 

 

That's what's frustrates me so incredible..

[Fairsome]

On 5/15/2022 at 7:36 PM, jonah2001 said:

@Fairsome 

Sorry, that I am answering now. I am feeling so bad that it's sometimes hard to answer. 

How are you doing? 

It's so terrible, isn't it? 

I was playing tennis on a high level, now this seems like a dream to me. 

 

No, I can't study. I am barley surviving each and every day. It's horrible. 

 

But in the end we will recover. No idea when, no idea how I should get there.. but I am sure I will. 

 

Same for you. I miss the Sport. 

Hi, I'm still not doing any good... Yes, it's not only terrible, it's absolutely criminal how much damage these drugs could cause. But as you said, we will recover..

[Altostrata]

On 5/13/2022 at 3:20 PM, jonah2001 said:

I can't really talk, I can't move I can't do anything because of that symptoms. I get 1-3 times a few hours where I don't feel as bad. But most of the time is pure hell.  

 

What do these symptoms feel like? At what times of day are they better or worse?

[jonah2001]

@Altostrata 

It feels like somebody has stolen my soul. I have emotional pain, rage episodes... 

I have sometimes a view hours where it's not that hard. And every view weeks some hours where i feel good. 

[Altostrata]

@jonah2001 unusual symptoms that come and go is typical of withdrawal syndrome. Would uo say you feel better or worse than you did last September?

[jonah2001]

@Altostrata 

I would say, I definitely feel worse than in September. 

[Altostrata]

On 1/25/2022 at 4:40 PM, Kiasofia said:

Please read the links I provided and remember to create your signature.

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Before any further discussion, please compose your signature with your drug history.

[Fairsome]

How are you, @jonah2001?

[jonah2001]

@Fairsome

11 month update: 

 

Things are getting worse and worse. I am losing my hope.

On top off the mental symptoms, symptoms that i thought i was improving are also like i never made progress. 

 

The fatigue is now like this: that the only thing i want to do, is sleep. 

And i have the dizziness back, wich was gone for many month.

Also the cognitive symptoms are back..

A new symptom that i got is blurry vision. I guess it's WD related, because it comes and goes..

I am now like in December, but a little bit worse.

 

 

 

 

[Erimus]

Keep going Jonah

[Altostrata]

Hello, @jonah2001 Did anything occur that might have triggered this setback? Drinking alcohol, taking antibiotics, excessive stress or change in sleep schedule might do this.

[jonah2001]

@Altostrata

@Erimus

 

I was in a wave yesterday. 

But to be honest things are different: 

I am seeing progress. 

I get more and more days where i didn't feel as terrible. 

 

The mental symptoms are improving!

I had the day before yesterday pretty much a whole day without symptoms! 

 

so yes, i'm improving.. i am trying to burn as much time as possible! 

 

But i am pretty sure, that the hardest part is behind me! 

[Ariel]

@jonah2001

Hello there,

I'm glad to hear you're seeing progress. It's great that you're noticing improvements and are feeling optimistic. Congratulations!

 

I would like to offer an observation, if you don't mind.

Something I notice reading through your recent posts is that at times when you feel worse it seems like your mind takes a shortcut to "losing (...) hope". Does that sound accurate about what you experience? 

 

It's quite common when we are in a wave to feel overwhelmed by negative thinking -- that's the wave talking. The wave tells us it has always been terrible, will always be terrible, and that we are powerless. The wave is only interested in its own importance, and every story it tells is all about:

I am the Wave, the Almighty Wave, and I rule the world!  

If the wave were a person they'd be pretty annoying to hang out with, they'd only ever talk about themselves. Do you see what I mean?

 

In WD we can't control when a wave comes or how strong it is or how long it lasts. But we can practice not listening to its stories. Like if we go to a party and that annoying person is there, we can choose not to mingle with them. We might hear them bragging and complaining in a loud voice over on the other side of the room, but we can choose to stay on our side of the room and try to occupy ourselves by talking to other people and doing something else. 

 

I'm wondering whether there might be some ways for you to practice remembering the big picture -- that you're improving -- try to remember this even at a moment when you're not feeling so well. Do you think that's something you could try to practice remembering? 

Maybe you could print out your last post, where you write about noticing improvements and feeling more positively about things -- you could print it out or write it down on a piece of paper, and then keep that with you in your pocket, in your wallet, or tape it to your wall -- somewhere you can easily see it and read it. And just read it again and again and think about that when you're having a hard time. I think it might help make the hard times feel a bit more manageable if you practice remembering that they are temporary and they will pass, and if you focus on the recent good experiences such as having almost a whole day without symptoms.

Just an idea. What do you think?

 

34 minutes ago, jonah2001 said:

I am seeing progress. 

I get more and more days where i didn't feel as terrible. 

 

The mental symptoms are improving!

I had the day before yesterday pretty much a whole day without symptoms! 

 

so yes, i'm improving.. i am trying to burn as much time as possible! 

 

But i am pretty sure, that the hardest part is behind me! 

 

This is the most important information! You are healing!

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it.

So if we can remember that both when we're feeling better and also when we're feeling worse, it's a very reassuring, encouraging thing to think about. That's what I try to tell myself, too, and it does help.  

 

Keep up the good work, jonah2001!

A.