jonah2001: last dose duloxetine 6 1/2 month ago

[jonah2001]

Thank you guys for your answers.. 

 

I don't know what is happen to me in those waves.. it's like the devil is back in my mind, and trys to convince me that it will stay like that for every.. 

 

I still feel terrible.. but still better than yesterday I would say..  those waves come out of nowhere.. it's so hard after having such an awesome window.. where I started to live a small little bit.. 

 

 

[jonah2001]

@KenA

@Armorall

 

Did you guys sometimes had very strong waves, even when you felt good? Especially mental waves? 

 

So I felt definitely okay for 2 week's. 

 

And than out of nowhere a wave came.. that made me completely not functional.. so incredible strange.. 

 

I sometimes have the feeling, of extrem mental tension.. like I am bursting in flames in the next couple of seconds.. 

I mean yes, I had that a couple of times. In my waves.. 

 

It's incredible anyoing and hard to deal with.. it's like every minute feels like a whole day 😅😅

 

[Moonpie]

@jonah2001 So happy to know you are okay!  Relieved!  Yes your mind can go wacko in a wave.   What you are experiencing is completely normal.  They can come out of no where and are shocking if you have had a good window.  But they will pass.  It training our brains to remember that this will pass it isn't forever.  When you are in a wave you will feel like it will never end and it has always been that way.  A lie of course.  Glad you are doing better.  Also learning that this is backwards healing, not like healing with other injuries or sickness.  When we are in a wave and feeling our worst we are healing.  Your body is working hard to adjust.  Non-linear healing means it doesn't follow a straight path. It will go back and forth as you progress. You will heal.  Thank you for letting us know you are okay. Hang in there.   I have been praying for you.  HUGS!

[Erimus]

Good to hear things have improved slightly Jonah. Don’t scare us with messages like that and disappear! 

[Ninabird]

@jonah2001

Jonah,

So glad to see you are doing better. Don't scare us like that again! I know things can feel pretty scary at times but reach out to us for support. We can't help you if you are feeling suicidal, we aren't equipped to deal w that. We ARE here for you to lend support and to assure you that you are not alone in your pain. Stay strong. Reach out anytime. 

[jonah2001]

Hey guy's, I am so sorry that I scared you with my messages. Those waves are very, very terrible and they come out of nowhere. 

 

I thought today that the wave is over.. but I was very wrong. Had a good 6 hours where I didn't felt terrible, only to feel bad now again.. but that is mostly how my waves end.. I feel good and optimistic for an couple of hours.. and than boom. 

 

So out of my experience tomorrow will be very uneasy.. until the evening. Thank it will get better.. until I feel good.. and that's mostly the beginning of a window.. 

 

I let's watch If I know WD well!! 

 

But it's good to be prepared for a strong hit again!! 

 

I have the "feeling" that the hard part of my waves get's shorter in Duration.. so that could be wishfully dreaming or reality.. let's see.. 

I know that those waves aren't clock work 😅😅

 

But in my last wave ( Probably a good 7-8 day's), the hard part was 5 day's.. 

 

And now I guess it's shorter.. let's see.. 

 

2 month ago the waves where a good 2 week's. And very strong 2 week's!!

 

 

[Moonpie]

The unpredictability of all this is the norm.  That's why it makes it harder on us when we try to figure it out or make a pattern.  Just try to learn some of the coping skills to get through the moment.  That has helped me.  You are doing great! 

[jonah2001]

@Moonpie

Yes, but on the other hand it helps to see thing's like the waves are getting better and the hard Part get's in average shorter.. 

 

So I hope that I am next year at that time, a normal functioning human.

 

 

 

[jonah2001]

The only pattern, I can find I this WD process is: The hard times are happening less often, until they vanish.. than the okay/manageable times start to experience the same pattern... 

 

And at that point, where the bullsh*t is mor or less calibrated.. the rest of the system Will be also able to adapt to the "normal" function's . 

 

So that's why I shouldn't be sad when old symptoms like dizziness or so come Back.. it's just my brain/body recalibrating to a new fix it has made. 

 

As more and more times goes by, the ups and downs will level out.. and the whole system will be able to calibrate correctly..

[jonah2001]

Hey guy's, I am so incredible fatigue from this process.. 

I was improving over the last 8 week's. 

 

And now since 10 day's it's like gone.. 

I have no energy anymore to do through that nightmare hour by hour by hour by hour.. 

 

I need a break. A relief. I am doing this now 12 1/2 month and slowly I loose a little bit of hope. 

 

Because I am million years away of feeling good in any way.. I don't have the energy to get a new emotion/feeling every 10 minutes..

 

Can somebody please tell me, that it will stop at some point.. 

 

I am so exhausted. So incredible exhausted.. 

[jonah2001]

@Moonpie

@Erimus

@KenA

@Armorall

 

Guy's, I can't do it anymore.. 

All me improvements I made over the last 8 week's are gone.. I have that wave now for 10 day's and I loose hope.. Because I didn't had such a strong wave for a long time.. 

 

Did anyone of you, who recovered... had such a Setback out of nowhere?!

 

I am so hoples! 

 

I am at the one year mark:

And to be honest, on a day like today,

[Kay]

Hi jonah2001, I feel how you're feeling. Don't make any decisions when you're in this low state. I know it's just ****. But it will pass. Find things to comfort yourself if you can. 

[Erimus]

Jonah, your body is healing all the time. It is healing on better days and it is healing on terrible days. None of us know how long it will take but we do know that very slowly things will improve with time. The windows will get better and longer and the waves shorter.

 

It’s torture but there really is no other option. We have to trust our mind and body as it works this problem out.

[Moonpie]

Hi Jonah  I am sorry you are having such a difficult time . I know it is hard to go into a wave after having a good window.. You are very blessed to be having these windows. Nothing is wrong and you haven't lost progress. Your body is still balancing and healing.  Whatever progress your body made it is still there whether you are feeling it or not. The waves are part of it. Yes I had been through it many times. And I'm even facing some of it right now. You will heal. Try not to look at  your waves as something that you have gone backwards are lost progress. That is not true it means you are making progress.. Please don't give up. Hang in there.  

[jonah2001]

@Erimus 

I exactly had that pattern.. My waves fo shorter and shorter.. 

The last one was only 5-6 day's.. 

 

And now I am having this monster since 11 day's. And it didn't changes..

 

 

[Moonpie]

A 5 or 6 day wave is an amazing blessing!  

[Erimus]

I think in 5-6 months if you look back on how you feel now you will notice big improvements. It’s a game of patience, it tests to see how long you can cope. Hopefully it isn’t too hot in Germany Jonah! 

[KenA]

@jonah2001 Sent you a message. Keep hanging in there. This too shall pass!

[KenA]

@jonah2001I had a 17 day wave one time. I made it through that one. Many many people here have had waves that last even longer and they are still hanging in there! You can do this!!

[jonah2001]

I can't go anymore.. I am dieng. I can't go anymore. it doesn't stops.. I am dieng.. it's so terrible I can't talk.. 

 

Those feelings are out of this world. No one could ever live like this for more than an hour.. it's impossible.. I am dieng.. 

 

Please God, help me.. please!

[thenextguy]

3 minutes ago, jonah2001 said:

I can't go anymore.. I am dieng. I can't go anymore. it doesn't stops.. I am dieng.. it's so terrible I can't talk.. 

 

Those feelings are out of this world. No one could ever live like this for more than an hour.. it's impossible.. I am dieng.. 

 

Please God, help me.. please!

 

What's going on, Jonah? Just remember that you have gotten through this so far. And you will get through it. I know it sucks now, but remember that you have had these thoughts before and yet here you are. Hang in there!

[ChessieCat]

What some other members say about waves is that after they have had a lovely window the next wave feels worse than previous waves, and that this is probably because of the contrast of feeling good (and of course hoping that it would stay that way) and then feeling bad (which of course causes a lot of disappointment, frustration and possibly anger - these all add more stress which slows recovery).

 

When we feel worse it always feels like it will never end.

 

When we feel better we always wish it would last forever.

 

If you have posted previously about your windows then I suggest that you got back to the beginning of your Intro topic and read through it.  This might help you to see that even though things feel bad now, that it happened before and it got better.

 

And it is more helpful to compare how you feel now to how you felt at your worst, not how you felt at your best or how you want to feel.

 

SA strongly encourages members to use non drug coping skills to get through the difficult times. 

 

Q:  What non drug coping techniques are you trying?

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

[jonah2001]

That was the live of a 21 year old guy. Killed by psychiatry!

 

A man who had dreams 😭

 

 

**** you psychiatry! I am done with you mother****ers! 

[jonah2001]

Ohh man, I don't know what I am writing for a bullsh*t in a wave.. 

 

15 day's now in this wave.. what a beast.. I hope it will end soon. I hate it. What a bullsh*t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[jonah2001]

Wave is gone. 

Sun shines again. 

 

WD is a human made hell! 

 

I am seeing improvements. 

 

Felt complete normal for the first time, for a day. 

 

Next year at that time I will be over it! 

 

It's incredible, what a hell this is! 

 

But nothing can beat me! I am strong. After that, I can survive everything.. 

 

 

I recognized, I can even stand under completely cold shower and can completely ignore it... I get so ******* strong through this bullsh*t. 

 

I could burn my feet when I want and don't move. Because WD felt for many month like I am burning! No joke!

 

I am stronger than strong. 

 

I am a strong mother****ers after that. 

 

It's like getting super power, because you survive hell. 

 

Hell, is not even the right word. 

 

It's like sitting in a fire, while somebody is killing your whole family. You lose everything.. 

 

That's how WD feels like! 

 

And when you are able to survive that.. you are a ******* strong mother****er 🤣

 

 

But I am ******* happy when the suffering is over in 12 month! 

 

Nothing can stop me!

[Ninabird]

@jonah2001

I honestly have tears in my eyes from reading this. I think I may print it out and put it on my wall to see.

 

This IS the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

 

I am so glad you are feeling better and to get a whole day of feeling normal? I wish I could hug you! 

 

 

[jonah2001]

@Ninabird

Thank you 💓 

We all will heal. 

It's just takes a long long time. 

It's an every day fight. 

But it get's better. 

 

The old me is still inside me. 

 

And I think when I can feel good one day, I can feel good two day's and so on. 

 

So I have to be patient, go through this day by day. 

 

I know that 2022 is just a year to get through! 

 

I still have most of the day symptoms. 

But they are getting better in average. The only thing what is hard.. are the waves. And they can come all the time.

 

So, I wish I could skip the next 8 month!

 

But that's not possible. 

 

 

But I start to have back dreams and visions!

[Moonpie]

Thank you for the update!  So happy to hear you are doing well!  

[Chlo]

On 8/5/2022 at 2:13 PM, jonah2001 said:

@Ninabird

Thank you 💓 

We all will heal. 

It's just takes a long long time. 

It's an every day fight. 

But it get's better. 

 

The old me is still inside me. 

 

And I think when I can feel good one day, I can feel good two day's and so on. 

 

So I have to be patient, go through this day by day. 

 

I know that 2022 is just a year to get through! 

 

I still have most of the day symptoms. 

But they are getting better in average. The only thing what is hard.. are the waves. And they can come all the time.

 

So, I wish I could skip the next 8 month!

 

But that's not possible. 

 

 

But I start to have back dreams and visions!

Hang in there sweetheart, we are all in the same boat. Keep paddling, stay afloat, and let the Lord be your life preserver ❤️

[jonah2001]

I had the best window ever! 

 

Felt almost normal! 

 

Have a muscle wave again.. but it's definitely not that strong. So just have to go through that..

[rmce72a]

Keep going, Jonah. We all know withdrawal is terrible and so unfair, but it is the way things will be for a while, but ONLY for a while. Our lives will be different one day. We will feel well one day. You are young, and your entire life is in front of you waiting for you to pursue all your hopes and dreams. This withdrawal process, as awful as it feels, is just a very small part of your life's story. When you think you can't go on even one more day, remember than in time, all of your suffering will be just a distant memory. Love to you.

[jonah2001]

Thank you @rmce72a! 

 

It's a terrible journey. 

and I know, that it will take a good 18-24 month. 

but now I see I am improving. 

 

had a very good window for almost a week. Where I had many hours (20), where I felt close to my normal Jonah. 

 

This window, I am not sure, but it feels little bit less intense in average. Like the feelings aren't so intense and driving me crazy.. I am not sure if that's wishfull thinking of reality.. Hope the second one..

 

I just want to make that motorcycle trip so bad!

 

Next march I will be at that point! 

 

it's so crazy: when you are in a window, everything feels so easy.. and I think I am almost there. And than the wave comes and you think: Wow, Stil ways to go. 

 

This sound's probability wired: but the WD Intrusive thoughts are getting a little bit less intense. So I don't freak out and just cope..

[Moonpie]

@jonah2001 I am so proud of you! You are doing great. You have come so far so quickly in coping and having a right mindset.

[jonah2001]

It's definitely easier to cope.. when you don't have the feeling to die 🤣🤣 

 

But today I am in a wave. Like the last 4 day's.. but I have the feeling, that the waves are getting lighter.. it's hard to describe.. but I don't get crazy in a wave.. it's like: 

 

Uhh, this is aweful.. but I can deal with it in some way.. even able to enjoy the day with the family.. still suffering.. but not that bad..

 

I hope, that's the beginning of the end of this WD bullsh*t journey.. 

 

Symptoms I still have: 

Mental stuff/ derealization.

W/ Intrusive thoughts (product from those bullsh*t feelings) 

 

Fatigue/vegetative Problems.. 

 

And some other mini stuff.. 

 

The last window I had, lasted 7 day's. 

 

Now I am in a milder wave for the last 4 day's. 

[rmce72a]

According to all I have read from Alto, ChessieCat, Brassmonkey and many others, this sounds like you are doing what they call healing. I am still early in my journey, but I am also having better windows and the waves don't seem so intense. Don't misunderstand. The waves are still terrible, but I seem to be tolerating them better. Maybe I have just learned to accept what is happening. Part of it, I'm sure, is that I have been holding for 6 weeks. Never underestimate the value of the holds!  Take care and be strong. I have to better days are ahead.

[jonah2001]

Today I have the WD suicidal thoughts again. 

 

I thought they where gone.. 

 

Those pills are ruining lives.