Almost 3 years Paxil Free - kateinsocal

[kateinsocal]

kateinsocal's Introduction topic

 

 

I've had writing my success story on a to do list for a couple years now. A pandemic hit, and life got busy, but stumbled across this site today so figured it was better late than never. 

I remember someone on here when I was in the worst of my withdrawal wondering why there weren't too many success stories - so hopefully mine will give a little encouragement to all who are battling.

 

Here is my original intro post. Was on Paxil since age 14, started the withdrawal around age 27. 

My doctor thought it would take around 2-3 months. I went much slower than that (but still too fast), and everything was great until I crashed at 1.25mg. An adverse fish oil supplement experience led to an urgent care visit and eventually I came across this wonderful forum. 

After updosing and stabilizing at 2.5mg for around a full year, I did micro tapers using liquid Paxil - 10% every week or two. Eventually hopped off I think at 0.05mg in August 2018 and have never looked back. 

2019 was a rough year for me, a lot of personal heartbreak. I was challenged in a lot of ways with anxiety, but was surprised at how strong I was, and was able to push through. 

I had two blissful months of 2020, then March hit, and that came with a whole new set of pandemic-related challenges for someone who also has health anxiety. But once again, found a heck of a lot of inner strength and somehow made it through. 

 

The only thing I would do different looking back now with the benefit of hindsight is go a heck of a lot slower. If only I had known back then what I do now (everything I've learned here, combined with 2 years of therapy and tons of research online and in textbooks). And also a ton of medical professionals (doctors, psychiatrists and pharmacists) know virtually nothing about this and it's infuriating.

 

95-98% of days I feel pretty good. I still get brain zaps sometimes. I'm a little jumpier, have a harder time focusing and can't sleep nearly as well as I did when I was on Paxil, but I feel like I have my life back and being free of it has been blissful. I'll occasionally still have downward spiral mood days, but they are almost always related to something tangible and I just lean on my faith and my friends and family and make it through. Learning to manage anxiety drug free has been a ton of work, and anxiety will always be a part of my life, but I have the most wonderful support system of people who are patient and understanding and give me lots of space to talk things out. 

I've been in a relationship for almost a year now, and I was nervous to disclose to him the withdrawal process and mental hell I went through in fear of being judged or having him not believe withdrawal is this severe of a thing, but thankfully he was so open and supportive and I'm incredibly grateful. 

 

I always make it a mission now to try to provide guidance or encouragement to anyone I meet who has any mental health struggles of their own. I've also tried to be more open on my social media in hopes to lessen the stigma and let people know they're not alone. 

 

I'm eternally grateful to everyone here who offered advice or a line of encouragement when I was in my darkest times. It won't soon be forgotten, and rooting on every single one of you still going through it. 

YOU GOT THIS. 

 

-Kate

 

 

Edited February 19, 2022 by ChessieCat
added link to Intro

[ChessieCat]

Hi Kate and thank you for coming back to write your Success story.  As you said, it can give other members a lot of encouragement.

 

5 minutes ago, kateinsocal said:

 

I'll occasionally still have downward spiral mood days, but they are almost always related to something tangible

 

 

This is a normal part of being a human being.  Everyone has "lower mood" periods.

 

I'm glad that you are using non drug techniques.  I have found them very helpful too.

[kateinsocal]

4 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

This is a normal part of being a human being.  Everyone has "lower mood" periods.

Absolutely! Identifying what anxieties and moods are just part of being human

[LizzieTish]

Congratulations Kate and thanks for posting your success story! 😇💗

[Toast]

Thank you for posting!! So wonderful to hear you are doing well. You are an inspiration!! 

[Cocopuffz17]

Thanks for sharing! Great story  Congrats on getting off of paxil. All the best in your future

[Lilabella]

Thanks for writing this and congratulations on being paxil free.  I wish you all the best for your life. 

[Ryder]

On 2/20/2022 at 8:31 AM, kateinsocal said:

I always make it a mission now to try to provide guidance or encouragement to anyone I meet who has any mental health struggles of their own. I've also tried to be more open on my social media in hopes to lessen the stigma and let people know they're not alone. 

What do you make of Anti Depressants being treated for anxiety ? 

If you had a friend that was on SSRIs, What would you advise them ?
 

Thanks,

Ryder.

[Snowblind]

Thanks for writing this, Kate. It has helped me a lot today. 🙂

[Sunflower414]

Hi @kateinsocal

 

our stories are a bit similar. I was younger(age 7) when put On Paxil. Now age 28.

 

did you continue to taper despite the withdrawal? When you say you “stabilized” where you back to normal? Thanks so much. Thank you for sharing.

[Ariel]

Hi @kateinsocal

Thank you so much for writing your success story. It helps so much to read your post and know there are people who have made it through.

 

On 2/19/2022 at 10:31 PM, kateinsocal said:

I always make it a mission now to try to provide guidance or encouragement to anyone I meet who has any mental health struggles of their own. I've also tried to be more open on my social media in hopes to lessen the stigma and let people know they're not alone. 

 

Hats off to you for your courage and honesty in regards to this issue. Have you had any good experiences conveying information about the dangers of psychiatric medications? I would like to learn how to communicate clearly, persuasively, simply about what the problems are in order to be able to more effectively warn people about the risks of these drugs. I find it difficult to articulate my thoughts, as I often get too emotional and I think that gets in the way of the argument. Do you have any tips? How do you handle the subject matter?

 

Congratulations on all your hard work in recovery and building new relationships, nurturing new experiences. I'm very happy for you and wish you all the best. 

Thanks again for coming back to share your success, it means so much.

A.

[Thorin]

Thank you. I so, so needed to read your story today. It’s been a rough one.

[kateinsocal]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

Thank you. I so, so needed to read your story today. It’s been a rough one.

I had many days where I felt like quitting. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done.

My therapist said to me once, "do you have what you need to make it through today?"

It was always a yes. Just take it one day at a time and hang in there! Better days are ahead. 

 

A really good pick me up playlist, or podcast, and long walks helped me.

[kateinsocal]

On 5/7/2022 at 11:33 PM, Ariel said:

Hi @kateinsocal

Thank you so much for writing your success story. It helps so much to read your post and know there are people who have made it through.

 

 

Hats off to you for your courage and honesty in regards to this issue. Have you had any good experiences conveying information about the dangers of psychiatric medications? I would like to learn how to communicate clearly, persuasively, simply about what the problems are in order to be able to more effectively warn people about the risks of these drugs. I find it difficult to articulate my thoughts, as I often get too emotional and I think that gets in the way of the argument. Do you have any tips? How do you handle the subject matter?

 

Congratulations on all your hard work in recovery and building new relationships, nurturing new experiences. I'm very happy for you and wish you all the best. 

Thanks again for coming back to share your success, it means so much.

A.

Ahh - that's a tough question because I honestly believe there's still an appropriate use for psychiatric medications - I just think they are given too easily and too often and not used in conjunction with the proper tools (therapy).

I've had a couple people really close to me struggle for long periods of time and we've had many open discussions about what the choice would look like for them. Some have opted for it, and their lives have improved greatly. Others have worked through without them (and were adamant about doing so). I also think some are worse than others. I took Paxil, and textbooks I read said it's the worst one out there for withdrawal.
If someone is miserable and struggling with life for a long period (like 3 months) and feels life is deprived of all joy, I can see a valid argument for opting in for a bit. I tell them they should be well aware of the withdrawal process and also should be used in conjunction with therapy to dive into the core issues and lead way to a easier taper off (due to a shorter duration, hopefully).  I would always recommend therapy first but sometimes it's not an option due to not having the time and/or resources to do it. 

In general I've almost seen people be offended or upset when other suggest they try medication, so I'm not often talking anyone out of it. I try not to advise on that aspect if I can help it, to be honest. I just try to understand how they're feeling, how difficult it is and try to help plan a path forward. And always am a listening ear and a safe space for processing through things.

 

BUT - it is super emotional regardless. When I told my (now husband) about it initially, I think that was the first time I cried in front of him. It was one of the darkest times in my life, but a heck of a victory and definitely a battle worth fighting.

 

 

[kateinsocal]

On 5/7/2022 at 12:05 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Hi @kateinsocal

 

our stories are a bit similar. I was younger(age 7) when put On Paxil. Now age 28.

 

did you continue to taper despite the withdrawal? When you say you “stabilized” where you back to normal? Thanks so much. Thank you for sharing.

Sorry for the late response! 

I considered stabilized basically functioning at a manageable level with minimal side effects. I used a withdrawal symptom chart and rated how bad each symptom was every day on a scale from 1-10. 

Many symptoms at high numbers = stop reducing and find stability. When I got the wonky ones (depersonalization, vision issues, sensitivity to sound, can't get out of bed) etc I knew I had overdone it. Which really only happened during that one crash.

If it was minor (1 or 2/10) and few in number (less than 4) I would feel comfortable enough continuing. Most of my withdrawal after the initial crash peaked at 3-4/10. It was the brain zaps, crying for no reason/mood swings, difficulty sleeping etc. Nothing that interfered too much with my daily life/ability to go to work as normal so I accepted it would suck for a bit but was manageable and pushed through.

 

I found the hardest thing was knowing how long it would take to be off. I just focused one day at a time and eventually that day came!

 

[kateinsocal]

On 2/26/2022 at 3:36 AM, Ryder said:

What do you make of Anti Depressants being treated for anxiety ? 

If you had a friend that was on SSRIs, What would you advise them ?
 

Thanks,

Ryder.

Sorry for the late reply!

In general, I ask them if life has lost all joy, and how long it's been like that. 
It seems as though we can't or don't wish to deal with pain and always jump to an easy escape (one of which is taking antidepressants). Or doctors are quick to prescribe those because it's an easy/quick fix. I think we need to get better at living with discomfort and try other methods first (therapy). However - there are times where I think they're appropriate. Life shouldn't be so hard for so long that all the joy is removed from it - I would give it a three month period. If anyone hits that, I am happy to have conversations with them about what starting a course of antidepressants could look like as I do think they can help. 
But - in my opinion it should be a temporary fix to provide some relief while the issues are worked through with therapy or other treatments, then weened off. And the patient should be fully aware that the withdrawal process could be hard and have done research into which specific drug could be right for them. And there is a trained medical professional actively following up with them (not just given and cast aside). I've had a couple people whose lives have been changed for the better since taking them. It's a very complex decision with many factors and in general I try not to persuade someone one way or the other.