Mdawg: 13 years of fluvoxamine and others

[Mdawg]

Hi, I hope everyone is well.  What is your opinion on medical malpractice suits?

[Mdawg]

Also, I found out from a doctor that I saw recently who was filling in for my primary since she’s out of town, that the medical establishment knows that “Fluvoxamine shuts off half the pain receptors in the spinal cord “ and “ sometimes when people with chronic pain don’t respond to traditional pain meds we give them Fluvoxamine because it’s stronger”

so that’s why I felt so physically numb after first being put on it at 14- I proceeded to develop a habit of running around barefoot on the cement in my neighborhood, and even though the barefoot thing phased out as I grew, I never stopped over exercising as a way of seeking out pain to maintain homeostasis until I was forced to by going off the drug and breaking my rib

[Mdawg]

Did you receive the topic I just posted? Also is there a specific section for people who were drugged as children?

[Shep]

19 hours ago, Mdawg said:

Did you receive the topic I just posted? Also is there a specific section for people who were drugged as children?

 

I don't think there is. You could start a thread in the Relationship section about this issue to discuss how it's affecting your life as an adult. 

 

23 hours ago, Mdawg said:

Hi, I hope everyone is well.  What is your opinion on medical malpractice suits?

 

You may want to read threads in the Events section, which contains discussions on this. 

 

[Ariel]

Hi @Mdawg

How are you feeling?

Thinking of you 

[Mdawg]

Hi Ariel, 

thank you for checking in, it’s very meaningful. My name is Maddie by the way. 
 

How are you?

 

 I recently found out that Fluvoxamine works heavily on physical pain reception, and last week I went to the ER with full body, intestine and joint pain.  As soon as I mentioned med situation, they became dismissive, but still did a full blood work and additional x rays (to check on my rib and back injury that is still healing).  They told me to see my psychiatrist about it.

It should be noted that due to the injury I have had to take a significant step back from exercise, which had become an intense and forceful habit over the years of Fluvoxamine induced jittery ness. I can still swim which I thankfully get the chance to do a couple times a week, and go for nature walks.  All this to say, I have been forced to change 2 things at a time, this time, as I’m also in exercise withdrawal.  Some days I have no energy whatsoever, other days I feel frustrated that I can’t do high intensity interval training.

So after the ER incident, I made the desperate rookie mistake of being totally honest with my current psychiatrist (whom had already lost my trust) and told him all my thoughts about what I was experiencing.  He told me I was wrong, I was delusional, and I needed “more treatment “ because this is unrelated to Fluvoxamine. 
I am currently in the process of finding a new (hopefully better) psychiatrist.

 I know I am right, thankfully.  I also have another meeting this week with the same doctor who told me about how Fluvoxamine affects pain. I’m hoping to get more information from him, and ask him for help with all this.  I am going to begin getting my Fluvoxamine from a compounding pharmacy that makes extended release capsules (with a very slight updose) as most of my ups and downs can be attributed to using the immediate release tablets, since Fluvoxamine has the shortest half life of any SSRI.

it should additionally be noted that I had been using marijuana since before I began tapering, starting back in 2018. I recently read that aromatic hydrocarbons (smoke) decreases the effectiveness of Fluvoxamine, which is probably why I was so obsessed with smoking it while I was still on a large dose, in addition to the fact that I was numb to the idea of smoking and the pain it caused my throat and lungs.  As I tapered, sedating types of weed strains helped me get out of neuro- spirals, and counteracted the effects of the Wellbutrin that I was still on.  At this point, I no longer smoke ( if I am in my right mind) and I am extremely sensitive to the stuff, but instead use the stuff I have left ( sedating THC strains that I have first tested and approved along with CBD strains) to make particularly calibrated batches of edibles that I cut into tiny pieces and store in the freezer, to be taken as needed in the evening.

[Mdawg]

I also read the article yesterday 

The Challenge of Going Off Psychiatric Drugs https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/04/08/the-challenge-of-going-off-psychiatric-drugs

 

which is an eye opening read if you can handle it, and led me to her foundation 

theinnercompass.org

which has much helpful information and has links to support groups that are similar to this one but smaller.

[Ariel]

Hi M.,

Sorry to hear about the recent pain episode. Sounds very challenging across the board. 

 

3 hours ago, Mdawg said:

I am currently in the process of finding a new (hopefully better) psychiatrist.

 I know I am right, thankfully.

 

Good for you.

 

3 hours ago, Mdawg said:

I have been forced to change 2 things at a time, this time, as I’m also in exercise withdrawal.

 

It sounds like despite the difficulty you are handling this well. I think withdrawal forces us to get really honest about any habits, behaviors, compulsions, beliefs, etc. we may be attached to. Withdrawal confronts us, again and again, with the question: how is this serving me?  and inspires us to examine what it is we really need. It's all part of the practice of inquiry, learning to listen to our bodies and befriend ourselves. In this way withdrawal can teach us to love ourselves better. 

 

You're doing a great job, M. <3

 

 

[Mdawg]

https://www.madinamerica.com/2022/05/inside-forensic-psych-equanimity/?mc_cid=800043f8f8&mc_eid=3c5f2083b4#
Topic: ASCs - Altered States of Consciousness and how to use them etc…

 

relevant : I was drugged with Fluvoxamine by an off-duty foresnsic psychiatrist who happened to be running a temporary/seasonal family practice on the side when he was lacking in cases I suppose…. I remember feeling trapped while staring at the stacks of thick black FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY texts on his shelves 

Edited May 9 by Mdawg
Again….. can’t seem to take the time to make calculated decisions such as proofreading

[Mdawg]

What is the role of Levothyroxine in all our cases? It is no coincidence that most on this site have been put on thyroid replacement hormone. I was placed on it after an acute episode of hypothyroidism following my first polydrugging(which I ended a few months later) in addition to an extended period of malnutrition.  My current doctor does not know about this, and I was already on it by the time I started working with her. She says that to get off Levothyroxine, in the event I don’t need it after stopping ADs, is done by cutting the dose in half for 30-60 days and then stopping cold turkey, with an immediately subsequent blood level check.  I am intensely skeptical about this, since Levothyroxine is a hormone replacement and therefore suppresses natural hormone production.  One would think that an immediate blood level check after such a tapering schedule would likely reveal sub-normal hormone levels as the body would need more time to adapt.

[Shep]

@Mdawg If you haven't already seen this, you may want to give this thread a read:

 

Thyroid symptoms: hypothyroid, Hashimoto's

 

 

[Ariel]

@Mdawg

 

Yesterday I watched "Hold Your Breath: The Ice Dive" on Netflix. I thought of you. 

Have you seen it? 

It's a documentary about Johanna Nordblad, a Finnish freediver and ice diver. 

Very calming to watch, putting it on my personal "withdrawal-safe content" list. 

 

Another documentary on my list is "My Octopus Teacher", do you know that one?

 

One of my all-time favorites on the list is actually a podcast episode: https://thisislovepodcast.com/something-large-and-wild-2/

I wonder whether you'd like that one. I've listened to it many times and find it soothing and moving. 

 

As a teenager I was obsessed with the movie "The Big Blue", or "Le Grand Bleu". I owned the director's cut version and watched it over and over. Maybe you know it? 

 

I am in awe of your capacity to freedive and swim as well as you do. What a gift.

 

Thank you for being here. <3

A.  

 

 

[Ariel]

P.S. 

I guess I should include a trigger warning for "The Big Blue". Some find it to depict suicide. That is not my personal interpretation; but for the sake of our community: beware, take care. <3

[Mdawg]

7 hours ago, Ariel said:

@Mdawg

 

Yesterday I watched "Hold Your Breath: The Ice Dive" on Netflix. I thought of you. 

Have you seen it? 

It's a documentary about Johanna Nordblad, a Finnish freediver and ice diver. 

Very calming to watch, putting it on my personal "withdrawal-safe content" list. 

 

Another documentary on my list is "My Octopus Teacher", do you know that one?

 

One of my all-time favorites on the list is actually a podcast episode: https://thisislovepodcast.com/something-large-and-wild-2/

I wonder whether you'd like that one. I've listened to it many times and find it soothing and moving. 

 

As a teenager I was obsessed with the movie "The Big Blue", or "Le Grand Bleu". I owned the director's cut version and watched it over and over. Maybe you know it? 

 

I am in awe of your capacity to freedive and swim as well as you do. What a gift.

 

Thank you for being here. ❤️

A.  

 

 

Thank you for telling me, I love my octopus teacher, it moved me to tears, especially since I watched it at some stage of withdrawal, before I went and took my first Freediving course.  Thank you.  Sometimes I realize I may not have been pushed to freedive so deep of I had not been led by some of the effects ( good and bad) of the drugs, so in that way Freediving makes everything flow together in my life for a reason.  I have not yet tried ice diving….. yet another reason to push through this  By the way, parlez vous Francais?

[Mdawg]

Sometimes (like today) The thought/feeling comes in, that I should have had the self control as a kid to not behave so out of the ordinary (with “severe” “OCD”)  I realize then that that would have required me to view myself and my reality from an outside perspective, when I was really trapped in my own mind and brain, yet developed only to 11 years of age, undergoing changes not yet completely understood by modern science.  But that would mean that it “wasn’t my fault “ which would mean I was not in control, and control is what I was ultimately seeking then and now.  
 

I’ve been grappling with the idea of control, self-control, and ultimately free will.  I have learned from my experience that free will, in order to exist, can only be defined as the freedom to choose how the observer responds to internal or external stimuli.  However, withdrawal or mental storms of any kind, often would seem to remove the idea of choice.  The choice in that case, would be to accept the lack of choice.

[Mdawg]

4 hours ago, Mdawg said:

Sometimes (like today) The thought/feeling comes in, that I should have had the self control as a kid to not behave so out of the ordinary (with “severe” “OCD”)  I realize then that that would have required me to view myself and my reality from an outside perspective, when I was really trapped in my own mind and brain, yet developed only to 11 years of age, undergoing changes not yet completely understood by modern science.  But that would mean that it “wasn’t my fault “ which would mean I was not in control, and control is what I was ultimately seeking then and now.  
 

I’ve been grappling with the idea of control, self-control, and ultimately free will.  I have learned from my experience that free will, in order to exist, can only be defined as the freedom to choose how the observer responds to internal or external stimuli.  However, withdrawal or mental storms of any kind, often would seem to remove the idea of choice.  The choice in that case, would be to accept the lack of choice.

Yes, you caught me I was trying to sound smart 

[Mdawg]

I’m in awe of my own thoughts. Not used to having this quantity and quality of thoughts. Interesting.

 

 I have a theory that my current state of withdrawal while my brain is remodeling itself ( windows and waves) must be similar to, given what we know, a “normal “ default settings person taking mushrooms (the effects of a micro-dose of psychedelics matching those of a micro-taper).   Windows would match a “good trip” and waves would match a “bad trip “.  All this of course being the case only for someone such as myself who has grown up and around a high dose of SSRI.  SSRIs, therefore, would be working in the opposite manner as psilocybin mushrooms.  Psilocybin, from what I have read, works by decreasing the serotonin in the synapse, thereby encouraging the brain to excrete more of its own supply, creating new neuronal connections.  Since we know how SSRIS work (by increasing the quantity of serotonin present in the synapse thereby decreasing the rate of endogenous serotonin excretion) tapering off them would by happenstance create the same effect.

 

Therefore, what we as a society know about how to participate safely in psychedelics (SET, SETTING and DOSAGE)

can apply to how to participate safely in SSRI withdrawal.

 

SET= people around you 

SETTING= your environment 

DOSAGE= The speed of tapering (micro-taper=micro-dose… and so on)

 

The point is, in order for a psychedelic experience (such as tapering) to not totally derail someone, they must pay careful attention and care to having in place a gentle, loving and calming environment and group of people (if there will be others present) as well as ensuring a graduated tapering schedule, as a too-fast taper would equal a too-large dose of psychedelics, which would mean a much higher likelihood of negative experiences aka a “bad trip”.

 

Because of the above, those, like myself, who have been on SSRIS at a high dose for many years and/or grew up on SSRIS, SHOULD NEVER ATTEMPT ACTUAL PSYCHEDELIC DRUGS OF ANY KIND 

At your own risk etc.

 

We already must go through a psychedelic experience to achieve baseline, so that is enough!

 

 

[Mdawg]

On 5/17/2022 at 6:24 PM, Mdawg said:

I’m in awe of my own thoughts. Not used to having this quantity and quality of thoughts. Interesting.

 

 I have a theory that my current state of withdrawal while my brain is remodeling itself ( windows and waves) must be similar to, given what we know, a “normal “ default settings person taking mushrooms (the effects of a micro-dose of psychedelics matching those of a micro-taper).   Windows would match a “good trip” and waves would match a “bad trip “.  All this of course being the case only for someone such as myself who has grown up and around a high dose of SSRI.  SSRIs, therefore, would be working in the opposite manner as psilocybin mushrooms.  Psilocybin, from what I have read, works by decreasing the serotonin in the synapse, thereby encouraging the brain to excrete more of its own supply, creating new neuronal connections.  Since we know how SSRIS work (by increasing the quantity of serotonin present in the synapse thereby decreasing the rate of endogenous serotonin excretion) tapering off them would by happenstance create the same effect.

 

Therefore, what we as a society know about how to participate safely in psychedelics (SET, SETTING and DOSAGE)

can apply to how to participate safely in SSRI withdrawal.

 

SET= people around you 

SETTING= your environment 

DOSAGE= The speed of tapering (micro-taper=micro-dose… and so on)

 

The point is, in order for a psychedelic experience (such as tapering) to not totally derail someone, they must pay careful attention and care to having in place a gentle, loving and calming environment and group of people (if there will be others present) as well as ensuring a graduated tapering schedule, as a too-fast taper would equal a too-large dose of psychedelics, which would mean a much higher likelihood of negative experiences aka a “bad trip”.

 

Because of the above, those, like myself, who have been on SSRIS at a high dose for many years and/or grew up on SSRIS, SHOULD NEVER ATTEMPT ACTUAL PSYCHEDELIC DRUGS OF ANY KIND 

At your own risk etc.

 

We already must go through a psychedelic experience to achieve baseline, so that is enough!

 

 

I think this comes from a place of optimism, while the comparison is likely inaccurate