Sofa: Mirtazapine CT withdrawal getting worse. Reinstatement? Need help!

[ChessieCat]

12 hours ago, Sofa said:

Have gotten this extremely bad taste is my mouth over the past few days. Like when you drink juice and then brush your teeth with lots of tooth oase after. Makes all things taste bad and drowns out the good taste in food.

 

My sense of taste is also reduced, as is my sense of smell!

 

All my senses are off. I Feel disconnected from them somehow. It is really strange and disturbing 

 

I did an internet search for concussion smell taste and other people have reported their experiences about this.  I also found this:

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC494787/

[LostPhil]

On 6/11/2022 at 2:15 AM, Sofa said:

Have gotten this extremely bad taste is my mouth over the past few days. Like when you drink juice and then brush your teeth with lots of tooth oase after. Makes all things taste bad and drowns out the good taste in food.

 

My sense of taste is also reduced, as is my sense of smell!

 

All my senses are off. I Feel disconnected from them somehow. It is really strange and disturbing 

Didn’t you say you had covid at one point sofa? That can affect your taste and smell. Hang in there. It does get better even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. I’m 10 weeks off mirt and still have bad days that gets me down - like today! But the body and nervous system will heal. Keep looking after yourself

[Sofa]

Have started a small dose of B12! Only 9 mcg.
 

The first few days was fine, but yesterday i got really depressed and got really bad anxiety. My tinnitus is also extremely loud now (it has increased since i started). I also lost my smell yesterday, and today my taste is off (disgusting taste in the back of my mouth) and anxiety is still here. I also Feel way more empty in the head and that my cognition and memory is worse!

 

Anyone know How long it takes to stabelize on the dose of B12? Or will i not stabelize on this small dose?

 

Before i took 1000 mcg, so 9 mcg is a considerably smaller dose. 

[Sofa]

I cant get pleasure from anything.

Smells, tv-shows, sex, nature walks, food! There is no pleasure from anything. 
 

Has Anyone else had anhedonia this bad and gotten better?

It just suddenly got way worse these last couple of days. 

 

Before i could get some pleasure from food at least. Now i have no appetite because food gives me no pleasure. 

It all started with a zyprexa last summer which i took for sleep and dpdr. Got akathisa and CT zyprexa. Was immideatly put on 30 mg valium and 30 mg stilnoct/zopiclone a day. Quit to fast and was put back on. Benzo free since october -21.  

 

Was then put on Remeron for sleep in dec -21. I took it for two weeks (15 mg), and then on and off for three weeks. Feels like i CT and kindled a lot. 

 

Bad reaction to last dose causing numbing of emotions and sexual anhedonia, as well as bad akathisia and dpdr and brain fog. 

Had rescue doses of valium two times in -22 because of akathisia, which made all worse.

 

Had covid in february which sent my numbness spiralling, and a concussion in april. 

 

Since it has all been a downward hill.

Reacted badly to B12 supplements, and have stayed away from most supplements since. 

 

Even though things have gradually gotten worse, and i cant identify the triggers. 

 

Now i am stuck in an empty state with the anhedonia and emotional numbness making it impssible to ever Feel anything but this uncomfortable nothingness and constant unsatisfactory feeling. 
 

Can this get better? I need some hope.

[Ariel]

@Sofa

 

On 7/18/2022 at 1:27 PM, Sofa said:

Can this get better? I need some hope.

 

Yes, this can get better, and it will! 

 

 

On 7/18/2022 at 1:27 PM, Sofa said:

It all started with a zyprexa last summer which i took for sleep and dpdr. Got akathisa and CT zyprexa. Was immideatly put on 30 mg valium and 30 mg stilnoct/zopiclone a day. Quit to fast and was put back on. Benzo free since october -21.  

 

Was then put on Remeron for sleep in dec -21. I took it for two weeks (15 mg), and then on and off for three weeks. Feels like i CT and kindled a lot. 

 

Bad reaction to last dose causing numbing of emotions and sexual anhedonia, as well as bad akathisia and dpdr and brain fog. 

Had rescue doses of valium two times in -22 because of akathisia, which made all worse.

 

Had covid in february which sent my numbness spiralling, and a concussion in april. 

 

Since it has all been a downward hill.

Reacted badly to B12 supplements, and have stayed away from most supplements since. 

 

Look at how many changes your body has been through in the past year!

Introducing and removing numerous psychiatric drugs, multiple CTs, Covid viral infection, concussion, B12 supplements.

This is A LOT for your brain, nervous system, whole organism in a relatively short period of time.

 

It is completely understandable that your body is reacting to these many changes and working hard to heal.  

The symptoms you experience are signs that your body is working hard and actively healing. 

You might view your felt symptoms as evidence of HEALING ACTIVITY. 

 

There is a great essay topic that explains more about this:

 

I encourage you to read the essay as many times as necessary. If it's a lot to take in all at once, you can read it bit by bit. 

Better yet, copy-paste it into a document and print it out and carry it with you. 

I revisit this essay whenever I'm feeling lost and like I just can't stand that healing is taking so long. 

It helps me to re-read about all the amazing work my body is doing around the clock, working hard to heal. 

 

From that essay: 

As counterintuitive as it is,  HEALING CAN FEEL LIKE HURT. 
But it's NOT further hurt or damage. It's the REVERSAL of damage. 

 

In other words, the symptoms we experience can feel unpleasant to us. We may not like how we're feeling. 

At the same time, these symptoms are signs of bodily activity related to healing. 

HEALING IS HAPPENING ALL THE TIME, whether or not we consciously feel "good" or "bad". 

 

Your body is working very hard, Sofa. It's got a lot of healing to do, and that's exactly what it's doing.

Healing is a process. It takes time and it's not always fun or easy to experience. 

Our job is to remember that:

a) Healing is happening.

b) It gets better.

c) Many, many people before us have gone through similar or worse and have recovered completely. 

 

Our job is also to take care of ourselves by practicing patience and acceptance and minimizing stress. 

It's our job to give our bodies the best possible conditions to do their job of healing. 

We can do that through lifestyle adaptations such as functional nutrition, rest, gentle exercise, low stress, non-drug coping techniques, etc. 

Our bodies are evolved and designed to heal and survive, that is what we as biological organisms are born to do. 

The same is true for you. 

 

It gets better, Sofa. 

There will be ups and downs, windows and waves. That's part of the process. 

It's all part of healing, and HEALING IS HAPPENING. 

 

Hang in there. 

The discomfort is temporary. It will pass. 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

 

[Sofa]

@Ariel

 

My body and mind messes up emotions

 

I am having werid experiences with my emotions.

 

Sometimes i have an emotion in my body, but i cant Feel the same emotion in my head at all. Like the feelings you get in your head are gone. 

 

Sometimes i get emotions in my body that i cant figure out what are.

 

I also get emotion that i cant Feel properly in my body. Like when i am sad and cry, i dont get that deep pain in my chest and Heart. Nothing happens there, but i can Feel the sadness other places in the body. It is so strange and unsettling.

 

Same with want and urges. Before i would get this tingling in my body and my head when i wanted something and was interested. But now i dont get the tingling in my head, and i can only half Feel it in my body. Something is missing i Feel! 

 

Can i get the sensations back in my head?

 

Is this also normal in withdrawal?

[Ariel]

Hi @Sofa

Have you looked at the topics I linked to in my post above? 

 

Also, Hilly wrote you a very helpful comment in the apathy help topic, have you seen it? 

I suggest you read it attentively, and if you already have, you might re-read it. 

 

On 7/16/2022 at 12:36 PM, Hilly said:

Hi @Sofa

 

I don't have anhedonia myself, my son does.  So, I'm aware of this condition 'from the outside' and can understand in a conceptual way how devastating it must be.  So, firstly, I just want to say that your distress is real - this is an extremely difficult situation to find yourself in and I am so sorry that you are going through this.

 

I came to this thread to post a question about whether other people with anhedonia have found that they can access the benefits of meditation practice, but I came across your post and I'd like to offer you a response. 

 

I practice Buddhist meditation and in Buddhist practice it is well known that emotions are generated/felt by the body.  In meditation we spend a lot of time tuning into what is happening in our bodies, rather than our heads.  The body-sense tells us more truthfully about what we're feeling.  If we rely only on what is going on in our head we tend to get caught up in stories (blame, shame, wishing etc).  The body-sense is thought to provide a purer and more essential view of what is going on with us.  In meditation, we sit gently with the body-feeling and hold it with care and openness and see if we can understand it.

 

So, my point is that maybe your realisation that you can feel emotions in your body may be helpful if you can find a way to relate to them gently and openly.  This is just a suggestion from my practice.  Not having anhedonia myself means that I don't know how this will work for you.  Also, be aware that, for some people, the body doesn't feel like a safe place.  If this is true for you, then a more dynamic practice like yoga may be more helpful.  But whatever you do, be gentle with yourself - you're going through a difficult time.

 

I fully acknowledge the pain of your situation.  Not being able to feel emotion in your head is sh*t and I don't mean to deny this in any way.  But, experience on this site shows that nervous systems heal.  What I'm suggesting is offered with the hope that it might help you to cope whilst your repair systems sort out the important stuff.

 

I hope this is helpful and I hope someone with direct experience of what you are describing is able to help you too.

 

Wishing you comfort.

 

Hilly x

 

 

Have you had a chance to watch the videos that @Kat66posted in that same topic? 

What do you think of trying some of the suggestions from the videos?

 

Are you experimenting with any non-drug coping techniques? 

What are some ways you could distract yourself from worrying? 

Do you ever practice Acknowledge - Accept - Float (AAF)? 

 

I'm curious what strategies you apply to help you manage symptoms and get through the day. 

 

Also, how is this going?

Are you seeing the great physical therapist for help with TBI? 

Are you seeing the speech therapist?

Have you seen a neuro-optometrist? 

I'd love to hear your update on these. 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 5:51 PM, Sofa said:

Great physical therapist and now i have a scheduled meeting at the only place here that deals with mTBI. 
 

I hope i can get some help there. I would love to have my brain and memory back. I am not used to my memory being like this and my thougts are usually quick. Talked to a speech therapist who thinks i have a mild case if aphasia as well.

 

I hope to get some guidence and to continue speech therapy and to see an optometrist since my eyes are all messed up

 

[Sofa]

I feel like my mind is blank, like it doesn’t even exist, it’s not in my head, my head is just empty. The only thing i Feel is stress. 
 

My subconcious is gone. I am gone. I am just blank in the head all the time and i have no emotional response. I Feel trapped in my head an body.

 

This just happened.

 

help!!

[ChessieCat]

Sofa, instead of focusing inwards about what is wrong, I suggest you try to think about things outside of yourself and your symptoms and what is right.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

[stech]

Sofa do you have any update? 

[18yoldoffZoloft]

On 7/24/2022 at 9:00 PM, Sofa said:

I feel like my mind is blank, like it doesn’t even exist, it’s not in my head, my head is just empty. The only thing i Feel is stress. 
 

My subconcious is gone. I am gone. I am just blank in the head all the time and i have no emotional response. I Feel trapped in my head an body.

 

This just happened.

 

help!!

Are you doing alright??