Landis: Olanzapine cold turkey

[Landis]

Original topic title:  Olanzapine cold turkey (out of presumptuous stupidity, I destroyed myself, and now I am trying to save at least a part of my being)

 

On October 20, 2021, I started olanzapine 2.5mg. per day (which I was advised to split into two doses, to take half in the morning and the other half in the evening), recommended to me by a psychiatrist as a remedy for chronic insomnia, and on November 11, 2021 I abruptly stopped using this medicine, as I read in internet about its extreme neurotoxicity. On the evening of November 14, 2021, something terrible happened to me: something seemed to be turned off in my psyche forever, I lost my whole self, i.e. my emotions, interests, hopes, dreams, hobbies, motivation, flexible intellect, and ultimately the will to live. I tried to restart olanzapine on November 15, 2021, but at that time I did not know anything about effective strategies for reinstatement of the drug, and therefore, already on November 16, 2021, I stopped olanzapine again, but, exhausted by insomnia, had to take 25 mg. quetiapine, which have been in my medicine cabinet for many years without use. On November 17, I impulsively returned to olanzapine, but after a couple of days I stopped drinking it again in order to resume taking it at the end of November, but this comeback was also extremely short-lived and did not exceed the duration of the same couple of days. On November 29, 2021, I took olanzapine for the last time, but the neurotransmitter chaos, provoked by my stupid thrashings, seems to have done me irreparable damage.

Over the next three and a half months, I tried to pull myself out of this anhedonic pit with various supplements (I tried fish oil, 5-HTP, St. John's wort, green tea extract, tyrosine, biotin, citicoline, Alpha GPC) multivitamin complexes (I mean B vitamins), peptides (for two weeks I was regularly injected intramuscularly with cortexin) and even psychopharmacological drugs prescribed to me by other psychiatrists, but with drugs of this class I again behaved as haphazardly as possible (about 8-10 times during these months I took phenazepam at a dosage of 0.5 mg., it at least minimally relieved anxiety; 5-7 times I drank hydroxyzine at a dosage of 0.25 mg at night, but it did not help me sleep at all; for three or four days I took a combination of venlafaxine, lamotrigine and trazodone, and once I took two capsules sulpiride, the content of the active substance in which was 100 mg., and one tablet of phenibut at a dosage of 250 mg.).

Now I realize that my behavior during these months was absolutely suicidal, and probably only the prompt reinstatement of olanzapine could have saved me, but now almost three and a half months have passed since the last dose of this medication, so my chances of self-preservation seem for me absolutely ghostly. I hope that something else can be done in this situation: I have already completely lost hope for rehabilitation, I have practically not slept all these months due to permanent panic and bouts of neurocognitive hypochondria, I don’t understand how I still haven’t made suicide, because it is unnatural to live in such a state.

 

Edited March 13, 2022 by ChessieCat
added full topic title

[Landis]

For a long time I tried to convince myself that this was not a withdrawal syndrome, since the prospect of restarting olanzapine terrified me even more, but now I understand how deeply I was mistaken, because now the reinstatement probably will not work, but in this case my life is totally meaningless since I lost everything I held dear.

[Landis]

To my great regret, I stumbled upon this wonderful forum late, but I don’t want to die, because quite recently tempting life prospects opened up before me, and now I drag out a miserable and wretched existence. I doubt that you, with all your experience and knowledge, will be able to help me, but I have already completely despaired, so I am looking for any opportunity to at least partially restore my personality. Believe me, it is very difficult and scary for me, I am broken and devastated, there is practically nothing human left in me.

[Landis]

I understand that you are all very busy, but my condition has become completely unbearable: tonight I will try to take 0.625 mg. olanzapine, I can't wait any longer, it will be four months since my last dose of the drug, after which my hopes will completely melt.

[Landis]

I have again refrained from resuming olanzapine as I am still waiting for your advice. Please answer me, this is extremely important!

[Frogie]

@Landis

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer run site with member such as yourself, such as going cold turkey, tapering off antipsychotic medications or healing from their experience.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet members such as yourself. We ask that each member only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

First, can you please create a signature. Thank you.

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

You have been through a lot of medication changes in a short amount of time. I'm going to provide you with some links that may be helpful.

 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

 

At this point, you could try a reinstatement of the olanzapine at 1 mg and see if that helps. It will take about 7-10 days for your body to feel the reinstatement. It may not work either, there is never a guarantee on reinstatement. But it is worth a try.

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/notes_on_reinstatement.htm

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off olanzapine (Zyprexa)

 

Please refrain from taking anything of the other medications you were prescribed. Vitamins can be activating, especially Vitamin B. We only suggest 2 supplements on here. If you want to try one, take a small amount and wait a few days before trying the other.

 

Magnesium

Omega-3 Fish Oil

 

After you have read these links, please reach out to us with any questions you may have.

 

[Landis]

29 minutes ago, Frogie said:

@Landis

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer run site with member such as yourself, such as going cold turkey, tapering off antipsychotic medications or healing from their experience.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet members such as yourself. We ask that each member only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

First, can you please create a signature. Thank you.

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

You have been through a lot of medication changes in a short amount of time. I'm going to provide you with some links that may be helpful.

 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

 

At this point, you could try a reinstatement of the olanzapine at 1 mg and see if that helps. It will take about 7-10 days for your body to feel the reinstatement. It may not work either, there is never a guarantee on reinstatement. But it is worth a try.

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/notes_on_reinstatement.htm

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off olanzapine (Zyprexa)

 

Please refrain from taking anything of the other medications you were prescribed. Vitamins can be activating, especially Vitamin B. We only suggest 2 supplements on here. If you want to try one, take a small amount and wait a few days before trying the other.

 

Magnesium

Omega-3 Fish Oil

 

After you have read these links, please reach out to us with any questions you may have.

 

Thank you so much for drawing attention to my problem: I will definitely try to write a signature soon, and now I will familiarize myself with these links.

Quick question: it's been about four months since my last dose of olanzapine, and my dose of the drug hasn't been particularly high before (I took 1.25mg of the drug in the morning and 1.25mg of the drug in the evening), so I want to know if it is not high for me the suggested dose of 1 mg.?

[Frogie]

@Landis

 

Thank you for starting to create a signature. That helps a lot when looking at your medications.

 

I think starting at 1 mg and see how you do will be best at this point. You don't want to start at full strength and have a reaction. Then you would be put in a worse situation than you are already. We can always updose a little at a time if needed.

[Greatful]

@Landis  Welcome to SA.........Unfortunately it looks like you are in a world of hurt, panic, fear and pain........Just know that you are not alone.

I can totally relate to the panic, trying stop the pain and panic and get on the merry-go-round of drug trials.....I did this the winter of 2020-21 and it only cause me more problems, more poly drugged and it  didn't work......Still trying to find myself...

 

You can heal and get yourself back.  But it may take time......You have really upset your nervous system, all the drugs that were started and stopped  add in there own bit of chemicals so we have to let the brain settle out.......... Please try stay away from Seroquel  as a sleep aid........You really don't want to panic and get stuck it.......

   You can try melatonin for sleep here is a link to learn about it

  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/189-melatonin-for-sleep/#comment-1453

As you are waiting for things to calm down take a look around SA.  There is a lot of helpful information here.........Go to the forums section and look down the list.........

 

Please reach and ask any questions you have. Most of us have been in that scared, lost place.....

Hang in there, you can do it

 

 

 

[Landis]

On 3/16/2022 at 8:36 PM, Frogie said:

@Landis

 

Thank you for starting to create a signature. That helps a lot when looking at your medications.

 

I think starting at 1 mg and see how you do will be best at this point. You don't want to start at full strength and have a reaction. Then you would be put in a worse situation than you are already. We can always updose a little at a time if needed.

Hi, Frogie!

I have completed my signature but have not yet reinstated olanzapine as I have an EEG tomorrow which will be unrepresentative on olanzapine. Luckily, my cold is now almost completely gone.

[Frogie]

@Landis

 

Thank you for creating the signature.

 

I wish you good luck on your EEG tomorrow. I'm sure everything will be fine.

 

When you are ready to reinstate, I'll be happy to help.

 

Have a nice weekend.

[Landis]

On 3/17/2022 at 1:05 AM, Greatful said:

@Landis  Welcome to SA.........Unfortunately it looks like you are in a world of hurt, panic, fear and pain........Just know that you are not alone.

I can totally relate to the panic, trying stop the pain and panic and get on the merry-go-round of drug trials.....I did this the winter of 2020-21 and it only cause me more problems, more poly drugged and it  didn't work......Still trying to find myself...

 

You can heal and get yourself back.  But it may take time......You have really upset your nervous system, all the drugs that were started and stopped  add in there own bit of chemicals so we have to let the brain settle out.......... Please try stay away from Seroquel  as a sleep aid........You really don't want to panic and get stuck it.......

   You can try melatonin for sleep here is a link to learn about it

  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/189-melatonin-for-sleep/#comment-1453

As you are waiting for things to calm down take a look around SA.  There is a lot of helpful information here.........Go to the forums section and look down the list.........

 

Please reach and ask any questions you have. Most of us have been in that scared, lost place.....

Hang in there, you can do it

 

 

 

Hi, Greatful!
 

Thank you very much for such an empathic and good-natured answer: I’m glad that at least someone understands me now, I feel lost in the endless space and useless to anyone, people don’t even notice me, I seem to have become a disembodied shadow.
 

Your suffering also resonates in my heart with genuine empathy: what I want most of all is that all the people on this forum once again become themselves and find peace in their souls, now this is my main dream, perhaps. It’s hard to call me an envious and vindictive person, my profession simply doesn’t even have this: the fact is that I’m a school teacher, I always liked to sow reasonable, kind and eternal things in my wards, instill in them critical thinking and unbridled curiosity, but then these filthy psychopharmacological drugs have poisoned my soul and now I'm practically dysfunctional, it hurts so much!
 

P.S Psychiatrists literally force quetiapine on me as a sleep aid, telling me it's almost a harmless drug compared to olanzapine, but I no longer believe these scoundrels who have desecrated everything that is most holy and immaculate in me.

[Landis]

My life today seems to me a terrible dream, from the spell of which I cannot free myself in any way: it is monstrous that such a state was provoked by the abrupt withdrawal of an antipsychotic, which I took for only three weeks at subtherapeutic dosages, but it is even more unthinkable that I will have to spend years and even decades in this flawed position. It is an infinite shame that I did not have to take this drug at all: my insomnia was actually quite tolerable, I am convinced that it would have resolved itself with time. I feel like a complete idiot who destroyed himself without meaning or purpose.

I have always enjoyed reading books and disinterestedly sharing my vast knowledge with other people: it seemed to me that in this way I make their life better and the world kinder. Now my worldview ideals have collapsed: I literally have to force myself to read, but this is a waste of time, because without an unsimulated desire and natural motivation this does not bring the slightest joy, not to mention the technical futility of this activity, because my once magnificent memory has become into complete misery. I have always been a fine connoisseur of music and taught many people to take care of it, honoring its extraordinary beauty, but now there is nothing left of my highly developed aesthetic taste: compositions from my former life (like this one, for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aevvtpRej5M) cause me only incessant tears, although I try to sing along with the vocalists, as the tracks do not seem to reflect in my soul, which is gutted, turned inside out and medically exteriorized. 

[Landis]

I honestly don't understand, where is my old self now? Has it died, disintegrated into atoms, evaporated forever and will not return? How is this even possible? Who then creates this text? Fragments of my former self, rotting without an organizing principle that integrated them, which was dismantled for one reason or another? I don’t even know if this can be called a prolonged olanzapine withdrawal syndrome, since other factors may be involved in my situation... I was not familiar with the psychopathological phenomena of apathy, anhedonia, amotivation, so all these misfortunes are experienced now especially sharply, evoking thoughts of its irreversibility. At the same time, all these collections of particular symptoms do not grasp the main thing: the total disappearance of my personality. You see, I noticed that many of you describe the same deficits, but I also noticed that their manifestation in almost all cases familiar to me was progressive, processual and gradual, while with me it all happened literally within a second. What does it mean? Three days after the abrupt termination of olanzapine, my brain finally gave in to the task of autonomous compensation and went haywire, burdened by now a whole cluster of cognitive defects? What a madness! If this is true, then how legal is it to prescribe such drugs at all?

[Landis]

My beloved girl, with whom we lived for four years, seems to have completely abandoned me, because now, apparently, she no longer needs me. I don’t understand how it was possible to do this to me, especially since I started taking olanzapine largely because of her: we had a lot of scandals lately, which aggravated my chronic insomnia, and there I already got to a psychiatrist, whose drug prescriptions broke my life. And now my best baby is just trying to quietly disappear from my life. Unbelievable!

[Landis]

I can't believe that abrupt withdrawal of olanzapine after only three weeks of taking it regularly at a sub-therapeutic dose could induce such a state: we are talking about meds, not black magic!

[JesusSavemefromWD]

19 minutes ago, Landis said:

I can't believe that abrupt withdrawal of olanzapine after only three weeks of taking it regularly at a sub-therapeutic dose could induce such a state: we are talking about meds, not black magic!

I am so sorry for what you are going through…. We are in the same boad… 3.5 weeks of Zoloft caused immense suffering thst I am trying to survive day after day but I am seeing mild improvements. Brain’s neuroplasticity is a true miracle and will recalibrate your brain, I just wish it wasn’t taking so long. 

[Greatful]

@Landis  These drugs are very potent......I can hardly comprehend the mess it can make out of us..........How in the world can the doctors ignore that these drug affect many area's in our body not to mention our brains.......... 

If you get a chance watch "Medicating Normal Documentary"   here is a link to there web site https://medicatingnormal.com/

My heart goes out to landis.   This is hard enough but to have to go through it and your girl friend leaving you........

Hang in there and keep reaching out........There are a lot of us here with a caring ear and we can relate to the pain of what these drugs do......

[Landis]

1 hour ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I am so sorry for what you are going through…. We are in the same boad… 3.5 weeks of Zoloft caused immense suffering thst I am trying to survive day after day but I am seeing mild improvements. Brain’s neuroplasticity is a true miracle and will recalibrate your brain, I just wish it wasn’t taking so long. 

Hi, JesusSavemefromWD!

Thank you for looking at my thread: it seems to me that I am very similar to you in terms of our joint hypersensitivity to psychopharmacological drugs... It is quite difficult for me to concentrate now, but I have drawn some intermediate conclusions from your personal history: as I understand it, your depersonalization is also accompanied by severe anhedonia, and as I am extremely familiar with this combination of ailments, I can only sincerely sympathize with you and wish you a gradual reduction of these symptoms, since they really interfere with maintaining social functionality and believing in the best.
 

How are you doing now? In what specific aspects of your state do you register positive dynamics? Personally, due to amotivation, apathy and anhedonia I have almost never left my bed for a long time, but this vegetable state does not contain even a minimal inspiring clearance: in recent weeks I have not had enough willpower to force myself to eat, drink and take a bath. I sleep at best three to four hours a day, as a permanent sense of doom prevents effective detachment from my miserable realities. I understand that all this sounds extremely dreary, but I'm just noting some stubborn facts.

[Landis]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Landis  These drugs are very potent......I can hardly comprehend the mess it can make out of us..........How in the world can the doctors ignore that these drug affect many area's in our body not to mention our brains.......... 

If you get a chance watch "Medicating Normal Documentary"   here is a link to there web site https://medicatingnormal.com/

My heart goes out to landis.   This is hard enough but to have to go through it and your girl friend leaving you........

Hang in there and keep reaching out........There are a lot of us here with a caring ear and we can relate to the pain of what these drugs do......

The kindness and benevolence with which you always respond to my messages touches me deeply: this is priceless compassion, it does you credit. I am mobilizing all my mental strength to watch this film: until recently I was a picky cinephile, and now I need to literally motivate myself to wade per aspera ad astra. Well, such is life...

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 hour ago, Landis said:

Hi, JesusSavemefromWD!

Thank you for looking at my thread: it seems to me that I am very similar to you in terms of our joint hypersensitivity to psychopharmacological drugs... It is quite difficult for me to concentrate now, but I have drawn some intermediate conclusions from your personal history: as I understand it, your depersonalization is also accompanied by severe anhedonia, and as I am extremely familiar with this combination of ailments, I can only sincerely sympathize with you and wish you a gradual reduction of these symptoms, since they really interfere with maintaining social functionality and believing in the best.
 

How are you doing now? In what specific aspects of your state do you register positive dynamics? Personally, due to amotivation, apathy and anhedonia I have almost never left my bed for a long time, but this vegetable state does not contain even a minimal inspiring clearance: in recent weeks I have not had enough willpower to force myself to eat, drink and take a bath. I sleep at best three to four hours a day, as a permanent sense of doom prevents effective detachment from my miserable realities. I understand that all this sounds extremely dreary, but I'm just noting some stubborn facts.

It blows my mind that such a short exposure to these so-called “medicines” can cause such severe symptoms and strip away our identity. My symptoms are different than yours but in both cases they are debilitating…. I suffer mostly from severe dpdr, non stop chemical fear and Akathisia, among other less horrific symptoms. In my case anhedonia and depression is a result of the above symptoms which don’t allow me to function at all. In your case it sounds like your major symptom is brutal anhedonia. 
i am so sorry, this is not fair, but I pray to God to get us out of this hell. Our brains should find the way back, makes no sense to be stuck like this ..,. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

7 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Landis  These drugs are very potent......I can hardly comprehend the mess it can make out of us..........How in the world can the doctors ignore that these drug affect many area's in our body not to mention our brains.......... 

If you get a chance watch "Medicating Normal Documentary"   here is a link to there web site https://medicatingnormal.com/

My heart goes out to landis.   This is hard enough but to have to go through it and your girl friend leaving you........

Hang in there and keep reaching out........There are a lot of us here with a caring ear and we can relate to the pain of what these drugs do......

I watched this documentary but it wasn’t clear to me if the three main characters have finally recovered and resumed normal life or if they partially recovered? 

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD the one that went to college did. The military guy and the woman with the benzo are still in recovery, if I'm not mistaken. The woman was still tapering her benzo and the military guy's separated wife had just moved back in with him, so he seems to be doing better. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 minutes ago, Armorall said:

@JesusSavemefromWD the one that went to college did. The military guy and the woman with the benzo are still in recovery, if I'm not mistaken. The woman was still tapering her benzo and the military guy's separated wife had just moved back in with him, so he seems to be doing better. 

They all seemed to be doing better with time but did anyone fully recover? The MIT guy seemed to have the most recovery but it’s still unclear if it is full recovery 

[Landis]

I don't understand why I live. My personality died, my brain was destroyed, and it happened in just three weeks. Unthinkable!

[ExtraSpearmint]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  The truth is, your personality isn’t dead, it’s still there.  The horror of the hell you’re going through hides it from you, but it’s still there.  Trauma can hide us from ourselves.  One moment at a time, one second at a time may be all you can do for a while but you are making it through each day.  It isn’t the way you want your life to be but you are making it.  That’s tenacity and courage.  You might be traumatized, shell-shocked and overwhelmed but you’re making it through each day.  And that’s huge!  One day, you will be through this and in a better place.

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD I probably didn't explain this fully- the blonde, younger adult that went to college recovered fully. She's happy and doesn't have all the hallucinations and stuff that she had before and also joined a sorority (which would put me in a wave haha just kidding). Oh... I see, there are two blonde women who went to college. Ok, the younger one who had her parents interviewed is fully recovered. The older one that was a sergeant is also fully recovered, went to college and does/did a talk about recovery. 
The MIT guy yes is better but still is recovering. I still thought his story was encouraging because you could see the progress from when his wife separated until he was better and she moved back in and they are cooking together. 
The waitress is still tapering and describes more of the journey of the the benzo people. I am confident in her progress, though. When I used to go on benzo buddies just to see what their forum was like- they have a ton of success stories (as they do here).  

[Landis]

Although some people in my country say that happiness loves silence, I could not help but write to you guys, as I reasonably believe that this will give hope to many of you and, I dare to think, will save many of you from rash irreparable acts: right now I feel good, I experience some positive emotions, and I also feel the magic of the moment! Wow!

[ExtraSpearmint]

I celebrate this with you.  Wow!

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD the MIT guy is recovered and working as an engineer, scratch my earlier comment. You can watch this discussion here- early on he says that his marriage, family relationships and career are all back on track and that he is recovered. It's a good discussion with great points!

 

[Landis]

It seems to me that soon I will give up this empty struggle. I realized that after the abrupt withdrawal of olanzapine almost no one recovers, at least no such stories are known to me. If you have heard of such cases, please tell me about them, so that I can indulge myself even with the most illusory hopes.

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Landis said:

If you have heard of such cases, please tell me about them, so that I can indulge myself even with the most illusory hopes.

 

andy-finally-off-zyprexa

 

rfitz-successfully-off-zyprexaolanzapine

 

And I found this on the internet:

 

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/success-story-stopped-olanzapine-zyprexa-cold-turkey

 

 

[Landis]

I will try to reinstate 1 mg. olanzapine tomorrow (I don't want to force things today as I have a consultation with a psychiatrist, I would like to get some semblance of professional expertise from him), although I highly doubt that this risky maneuver will work after almost five months. Anyway, wish me luck because this is my last hope...

[hayduke]

22 hours ago, Landis said:

I will try to reinstate 1 mg. olanzapine tomorrow (I don't want to force things today as I have a consultation with a psychiatrist, I would like to get some semblance of professional expertise from him), although I highly doubt that this risky maneuver will work after almost five months. Anyway, wish me luck because this is my last hope...

 

Let us know how you go on 1mg.  After a week or two you should have an impression of how much it's helping.
 

It would be very helpful for you to start working on ways to manage your anxiety without relying on drugs.  While they can certainly induce it, there are many things you can do to calm your nervous system down to a more comfortable state.  It's easier to make good life decisions then.

You might find it valuable to spend some time reading 

 

[Landis]

I have read in several scientific articles that the symptoms of PAWS can be permanent and irreversible. This is so scary! I don't want to believe that this nightmare will never end.

[hayduke]

6 hours ago, Landis said:

I have read in several scientific articles that the symptoms of PAWS can be permanent and irreversible. This is so scary! I don't want to believe that this nightmare will never end.

Seriously, take some time to look at cat pictures or whatever gives you the warm and fuzzies instead.  Try a bath in some Epsom salts.  Take a walk somewhere nice.  
 

Instead of dwelling on the worst of it, why not start thinking about healing and bringing supportive things and practices into your life?  Many people successfully recover.  We see that people who are proactive about taking charge of their own healing have a better time of it, it's a good mindset to work on establishing.