What do you do when you simply cannot function?

[MadelynA]

I almost called the crisis hotline last night. I am absolutely beside myself, and completely alone. My menstrual period is over a week late, but I am not pregnant. My hormones are crazy. My husband came into the room after our kids were in bed because I was crying, and he began berating me for being upset. He told me that I had no reason to be upset. If I did not have children I would leave him, but as it stands I am just trying to get to the next new day. I am holding my taper until I feel better. He blamed my mental health for all of our problems. What do you do when you are hopeless and alone? I do not want to hurt myself. How do you didn’t a way forward when everything is against you? I cannot seek medical help or they will put me back on the meds I have fought so hard to get off of. Am I the only one who feels so alone? 

[souim]

Hi MadelynA, I am so sorry you're suffering so much. I send you all my support and love. Do you have any friend or family member to talk to ? Someone who might understand and support you... Don't lose hope. I used to be in this very dark place, and I didn't see any way out, but it did get better with time. You are stronger than you think. You are more resilient than you think. What you're doing is very brave. ❤️

[MadelynA]

Thank you, Souim, for your reply. My family is completely unsupportive. I feel like I am living an absolute nightmare. I do have some friends, but they can only understand so much. I just feel like I am so far from being ok that it is alarming. I’m not sure what else I can do. Thank you for your kind caring words. 

[TonyW]

Hi MadelynA. Found this in another thread and think it can help (bolds are mine):

 

Quote

 

I came to SA frightened and hopeless with the mentality it was everyone’s fault but mine,all blame and no sense of self. I was wounded,long before the WD,but WD gave me the chance to rebuild who I was meant to be all along.

life is precious and this spiritual battle is only given to the warriors of this Earth.

Listen to your body,I didn’t even no what that meant,now I know what those words mean.

This is a journey like no other,it’s the journey inward what will bring you home.

So to those feeling desolate and lonely,or you have symptom after symptom,please know the intensity ends. You’ve got to hold on & dig so very deep.

Because the view at the top is breath taking.

 

 

Here's the thread:

 

 

Hope this helps - best of luck on your journey.

[souim]

I'm so sorry to hear that your family is not supportive. I'm glad to know that you have some friends... I know most people can't really understand. I don't think anyone can unless they've been through it. But at least they're around. Maybe you can find some support outside of the medical profession ? At one point I felt so lonely I did call the crisis hotline a couple time, just to cry. It did help me feel better the second time (first time I got a very unsympathetic person). Maybe you can sleepover at a friend's place some day, to get some quiet time away from the toxicity of your home. I think there are also hotlines that you can call about an abusive partner. I'm not from the states so I don't know the details.

Life is very long and full of surprises. You have so much joy and happiness waiting for you, I'm sure of it. Hang in there. You are not alone.

[pinkfairy]

I know words don’t seem to cut it when you’re in this dark desolate place,there’s no sun light or nothing in these hall ways we wander. 
 

But all these are symptoms,symptoms of your body trying it’s best to heal on every single level,I wanted to give up every single day for four years,but I kept on going when all I wanted to do was give up. 
I kept going from 5 minutes to 5 minutes,some days seconds at a time.

 

I get it and I truly understand the agony of thinking I can’t do this,but let me say you’re stronger than you will ever know,the days you’re at your weakest,is the days that you’re at your strongest! 

I promise you,that the climb is worth every single tear. Keep putting one foot infront of the other,I am really sorry your husband isn’t supporting you,but you’ve got what it takes to turn this ship around. 
When you can’t climb or think you can’t go on,learn to rest and look at the view,do nothing absolutely nothing but hold on. Comfort your self as much as you can.

 

I thought my life was over,but it was only just beginning. You will get through this for you and your children. Keep your eyes focused forwards at all times.
If friends and family won’t learn about this injury,then sadly you’ve got to learn acceptance,(huge one for me this)arm your self with knowledge,because knowledge is power on this journey,but don’t overload either.

There will be so much miss communication going on,which then leads to frustration,then comes the tears. I hear you totally. 

 

This all really does end and you will be so thankful,that you kept going~ you’re coming home to your self and your children,hold on and never ever ever give in. 
You will get through this muma bear 🙏🏻

 

 

pink💕💚🌿
 
 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Yes, I can not function. I lay around. Sometimes people sit with me. I look at fairytale books and see the pictures. If I can I will play a phone game. I tell myself, well this is what it is now, let us see how it is in 5 months. I right down my symptoms to see if they change. Hopelessness, anger, sadness are all a part of the process. Don't do things to trigger them more. When they are there understand that this how it is for now. I take a wait and see attitude. There are books you can read to pass the time. If you are so inclined the book how to be sick is one. If you can escape through tv or reading by all means do it and do not feel bad for it. Do what you can do and wait for the rest.

 

I do not know if that is what you are looking for but I hope it helps

 

[MadelynA]

Thank you all. I would love to actually chat with someone who is in the other side of this journey. I do fear I will never make it. 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

56 minutes ago, MadelynA said:

Thank you all. I would love to actually chat with someone who is in the other side of this journey. I do fear I will never make it. 

It sounds so stupid and not helpful at all. But I survived by making it to the next day. And doing it for long enough to survive. And then survive long enough to live. 

 

I remember thinking that way. I was in so much pain. physically and mentally but too afraid of going to the hospital. I knew they would put me on more pills. But I wasn't going to make it. This online support group got me through. Having people relate to problems, giving tips where they could. 'm glad there are people who can relate.

 

If you see someone farther along than you and want to chat or ask them questions, you can send out a private message them. I remember sending out my first one and getting discouraged when they didn't respond. But I have found most people here are able to message you back with support or advice.