YWHsaveme: Nightmare, internal fights, Intrusive evil thoughts, Anxiety and strange sensations

[YWHsaveme]

Hi guys!

 

After 9 years i finally stopped using zoloft, after a bumby ride of 14 months and 3 weeks i decided to make a account. for the decrease i used a tapering string with the decrease of 10% a month. my Zoloft dosage was on 150mg.

Sadly i experienced all sorts of hardships from mental pain till physical pains. My symptoms mainly go from a detached feeling from myself, intruisve Thoughts of hurting others or doing horrible acts towards either family or animals. Extreme anxiety ranging from short burst till 2 days. Strange sensations on my scalp, crawling sensations and burns on my forehead. Electric schocks included.

 

Everytime i try to feel myself with grounding or logic i get bombarded with extreme anxiety, extreme confussion. this results in thoughts of hurting someone, followed by confusion about who am i. followed by crying or scalp sensations.

Ofcourse i will never hurt someone, it's just the worst feeling especially for a religious person.

 

G-d have mercy on my soul.

[Onmyway]

Dear @YWHsaveme, 

welcome to SA. I am really sorry that you are going through such a hard time. One thing to remember is that these thoughts are not representative of who you are as a person. They are the effect of the drug on your brain. As time passes, they will go away. These are common to withdrawal in varying intensity. 

 

You may find reading through this thread helpful in order to understand the emotional havoc that withdrawal can cause

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/14397-neuro-emotions/

 

You may have useful ways to deal with these emotions here: 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

 

These links will also help you understand what is happening to you

 The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

What is happening in your brain? - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

May I ask you to please fill in your drug signature so that we have your history for quick reference when we advise you? Here are instructions on how to do it: 

  How to List Drug History in Signature - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

We find that during withdrawal people's systems are hypersensitive to all kinds of chemicals incl other drugs (even some antibiotics) so we advise that people avoid alcohol, psychoactive substances and even supplements. However, many of our members find  magnesium and Omega-3 helpful. If you do decide to try them, please add them one at a time in small doses so that if you do have a reaction to either you can stop.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

This is your introduction topic and we would like to keep questions related to your individual case here. You can ask any questions here and usually a moderator will be available to answer. You can also look at and post at other members' threads to get and offer support. 

 

Welcome again and may you find respite soon, 

OMW

[YWHsaveme]

@onmyway

 

Today it has been another hell, waking up with cortisol spikes again.

 

Terrible anxiety all through the day. After waking up crying and having constant panic attacks. Followed by strange physical sensations. it feels as if can only feel my body but totally disconnected from my own thoughts.

I can't feel the difference anymore.. confusion is making it worse. Hypogrondria OCD is mixing with the detached meant. thoughts of losing identity, thoughts of going crazy, thoughts of despair. if there is a test of the lord then this must be it. holy sh*t. Not even minor workouts can fix it.

 

Sometimes light flashes(floaters but made out of light) with a  burning sensation on my face and the twitches. all on the day i have these muscle spasms, i don't know if this is related to anxiety or stress.

 

After 14 months of this fight i may choose to get back on the pills if this become so bad. Strange that i only have experienced it for the last 3 weeks, while the last 4 months was easy. i you would've compared it from month 1-4.

[Onmyway]

Hi @YWHsaveme, 

it sounds like you are in a wave. Can you please fill in your signature so we can advise you on reinstatement. 

How to List Drug History in Signature - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Reinstatement is definitely an option but it works best if it is done close to the time when you came off of the drugs. When your system is destabilized like it is now, it is very sensitive to new additions of drugs and reinstatement can sometimes can make things worse. And if you do decide to reinstate we would advise you to start very slow (0.5mg) so that if you get an adverse reaction you can stop quickly. 

 

Did you do something in the last week that may created a setback? Did you start a new supplement or drink alcohol (that can often make things worse) or is there a lot of stress in your life right now that can explain this setback? 

 

Your symptoms sound like typical withdrawal symptoms. Your morning exacerbation of symptoms is due to the increase in cortisol early morning and because a nervous system in withdrawal is more sensitive to cortisol. 

 

A few things may help with the morning cortisol response: 

1) sleep in as dark an environment as possible (blackout curtains, eye mask, foil on the windows, whatever gets you there) 

2) a baby aspirin the night before may help lower the cortisol response in the morning

3) Check out some other tips here: Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing the morning cortisol spike

 

Also check out this for other symptoms. 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

This will get better, hang in there, 

OMW

 

[YWHsaveme]

Thanks for responding @Onmyway,

 

your right. i been having stress, its like a cycle. i was stressed out because of exams, this may triggered a wave. the anxiety of the wave only made it worse.

I just woke up again with a cortisol spike. It's a strange feeling, it's as if i re-experience every single withdrawal symptom of the last 1 1/2 years almost. It feels as if a drove into me.

 

The worst part is identity, it's hard to identify with myself. as if a wall is between me and my self. this with neuro-emotions, anxiety and irrational thoughts is killing.

I may go reinstate, i slowly recognize myself and the symptoms are bad but it's as if i don't care anymore. i stop taking my supplements because it was all to painful.

 

My whole neuro/nervous system is completly blown out. Stressed and sometimes strange sensations all over the body.

 

this has been the worst wave in my entire live.

 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Onmyway said:

Can you please fill in your signature so we can advise you on reinstatement. 

How to List Drug History in Signature - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

As requested above by Onmyway, please click on the link for instruction on how to create your drug signature.  This is different from the drug history information you provided when you joined SA; that is only visible to staff.  We need to be able to see your drug history below every post which is where the drug signature will appear.  Thank you.