SallyNova: just one dose

[SallyNova]

Hi. 
So, I had been having some health anxiety over 2021. It resulted in me getting a colonoscopy in November 2021. Leading up to it I had intense anxiety, a few panic attacks and perhaps even a nervous breakdown. The night before I woke at 3 am and had a panic attack. I really thought I was dying this time, so we called 911, and I luckily, not dying. During the procedure they did take a biopsy, and while waiting for the results (2weeks) I had very intense anxiety. It was benign. I'd had intense panic and anxiety for almost a whole month at this point. Around Dec 17, 2021 I contracted covid. It was pretty uneventful, but near the end of it I was waking around 5 am with adrenaline and diarrhea and I couldn't go back to sleep, this was creating anxiety in me that was getting harder and harder to control. So I went to a Dr on December 30 2021 who prescribed me Zoloft 50mg and Xanax 0.25mg. They were filled pretty fast and I took one of each as soon as I got home (around 1-2pm) I felt ok at first, but a few hours later all the side effects started. Irritable/uncomfortable, anxiety, nauseous, no appetite, chills, diarrhea, invasive thoughts that started pretty quick and intensely, and soon to find out - insomnia. I'd lay there with invasive thoughts and if I happened to drift off I'd be jerked awake and there was no sleeping for at least a week. I lived in a panic for around 2 weeks. I never took another dose of Zoloft. But I did take around 9 doses (some halved) of Xanax over the next 2-3 months. Sometimes to help sleep, but it was never worth it as I'd only get a 2-3 hours and then have intense anxiety the next day. It worked ok for panic during the day, but then I feel it intensified my anxiety for the next few days.
I found some old Valium 5mg from a dental procedure, there were only 2 doses. They helped sleep some, but they left me feeling so sluggish, it didn't feel good. And it wasn't helping me sleep enough to want to try to get more, 
I was prescribed Restoril 15mg in April by a sleep Dr. I only took half doses 3 times. Again, it didn't help my sleep enough to ever make it worth it and just gave me bad rebound anxiety.
 Then I was prescribed hydroxyzine May 2021 (forgot about that when I wrote my signature, will add later). I've taken it around 5 times. It helped me sleep the first night, then not so much the next. Waited a week and tried again, it helped a little for sleep and calming, but not that much. It was mostly disappointing. Luckily it didn't seem to cause any rebound anxiety. But it doesn't help with much so I really don't take it.

So, I did take my last Xanax around 1 month ago for a bad panic attack. And that was last time I took a benzo.
My last hydroxyzine was around 1 week ago.

My current symptoms are anxiety, depression, anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization (I'm never sure on the terms, it's the one where I feel like I'm in a dream, I can react to everyone normally and everything seems normal, but I just feel ... off, like I'm not connected to it all). Agoraphobia, I can push past it but it's hard and only if it's close to home or my husband and children are with me. Which really sucks because I used to love going out by myself or with my children, go on vacations etc... now I feel like I can't leave the house without forcing myself. This fear feeling is so horrible and there really is no reason, I just feel it. And intense insomnia, I can't fall asleep, can't nap, I get adrenaline rushes continuously as I'm trying to fall asleep, or less common are the hypnic jerks, and I wake early around 3-6am and can't fall back to sleep even if I've only slept for 1-2 hours. I like to think my sleep is getting better, as there some rare nights when I will get 5-7 hours. But those are followed the next night by not being able to fall asleep because of adrenaline surges. So, I'm probably only getting those nights from severe sleep deprivation, not that I'm actually getting better =( At one point I thought it was just anxiety keeping awake, but there have been plenty of nights I go to sleep with NO worries at all. I'm not over thinking or thinking of anything provoking and I still get the adrenaline surges at the point of falling asleep. It's seriously so maddening.

It's going into 6 months since that day and my sleep is still not good. I thought it would last a few days, then weeks, then got my hopes for a few months. Now it's going into half a year. 
It started with panic and anxiety, but now depression is setting in and I just don't know what to do. I try to keep my hopes up, but it's so hard. I also have anhedonia and agoraphobia although I can push past it as long as it's close to home, but it takes a lot of effort. I do get some windows I stay home with my 3 small children and am not able to be the mother I want to be for them by feeling this way. Which again adds to the depression. 

So that's where I am. I hate that I took that zoloft and xanax. And for a long time now i was just blaming the zoloft. And now I've been wondering if the benzos have been negatively affecting me as well? I know I can't beat myself up over it. I try and accept my situation and believe that I will heal. But it's so hard and it all feels so dark sometimes. 

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  From what you describe, it sounds as if psychiatric drugs just don't agree with your system.  It sounds as though you had an especially bad adverse reaction to Zoloft.  It's good you quit right away.  Going on and off your other meds such as valium, restoril, and Xanax may have also contributed to nervous system destabilization and sensitivity.  If it were me, I would stay away from these drugs, to give your system stability and a chance to heal and adjust.  

 

Even though you had an adverse reaction, and not withdrawal, these videos will help you see how recovery happens:

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Here is some information about adverse reactions, and recovery from them: 

 

Adverse Reactions to Antidepressants

 

But I Only Took it for a Short Time

 

Please be assured that you will eventually heal from this, but it may take time, and various symptoms may come and go.  Please check out the link for non drug coping skills, and find some things that help sooth and calm your nervous system.  Let us know how you are doing.  

 

 

[StarShopping87]

Hey there! I too am a adverse reaction to lexapro. I noticed you had Covid before your reaction.. interesting! The same thing happened to me! I developed panic attacks after having Covid which led me to take the lexapro thinking everything was going to be “ok”. My healthy anxiety was insane! But anyway, here I am 4 months out. I know a lot of people can’t not tolerate certain meds, but I’m wondering if Covid played a part in this? Like our cns was destabilized from it and the ssri was the icing on the cake. I haven’t really talked to anyone who had a reaction like this after having Covid. Idk, just my thoughts. Sorry we are all having to go through this. Truly sucks! 

[SallyNova]

@StarShopping87

Yes, that's exactly what I feel happened to me as well! I went back and forth blaming COVID and then the SSRI for these problems. There are reddit forums where ppl have had COVID and then have all these same exact symptoms. And if you haven't gone on Reddit yet, DON'T!!! There is so much doom and gloom, whether I'm reading about COVID, SSRIs, insomnia, etc.. it only added to my anxieties. So stay away from there please, I regret ever looking there.  

But yeah it's crazy, I really don't know if it was COVID, the Zoloft, or both that did this too me. But I've settled on - it doesn't matter if it was either or both. It just matters that I focus on healing and moving past this nightmare. 

But we can do it! I do overall feel much better than I was even 1 month ago. It's going on my 6th month of this. So I'm hopeful this will be over sooner than later. 

[ChessieCat]

4 minutes ago, SallyNova said:

But I've settled on - it doesn't matter if it was either or both. It just matters that I focus on healing and moving past this nightmare. 

 

This is good and the best way to handle this.  There are many unanswerable questions that we have and continuing to try and find an answer is very stressful.  When we are stressed the brain things that we are being threatened and it diverts attention to keeping us safe and away from anything that it deems unnecessary for the immediate need to stay alive.

 

I suggest that you start learning and using non drug techniques (eg relaxation etc) to help to keep your stress to a minimum.

 

Acceptance

 

Non-drug techniques

[StarShopping87]

@SallyNova

yeah I try to stay off that side of the web. You never really know what is the truth and I don’t care for the horror side of things. I’ve had 2 people contact me stating “permanent damage” and needless to say I was a mess after hearing that. I think what really bothered me was that it was due to lexapro and there aren’t many success stories out there. I was told lexapro was the most potent of all so left me with little hope. The insomnia sucks. I got maybe around 3 hours last night. I was up all night with severe anxiety and fear. Now I feel like absolute crap! I hate nights like that, I get them here and there but for the most part my insomnia has improved a little since month 1-2. Some nights I can get 7-8 hours! A lot of nights it takes me forever to fall asleep, or it’s broken sleep. Feel free to message me if you want to keep in touch! 

[Ariel]

@SallyNova

Hello, and welcome to SA. 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. 

You might be interested in this recently posted success story in the recovery forum -- from a member who's recovered from an immediate adverse reaction to Zoloft. 

You'll heal, too. <3

[SallyNova]

It's been around 10 months since this all began. I've had some great windows. Thinking I'm definitely almost there. But then I get sucked down in a deep wave. That's where I am now, hopefully resurfacing a bit perhaps... but still in the wave.

My main symptom is the insomnia. I was able to fall asleep, rather drop off into some sort of sleep for a few weeks. But I'd still wake anywhere from 2-5 am. With the earlier wake times I'd usually be able to fall back to sleep after and hour or two.

Strangely, that was making me feel like the sleep was improving as it was usually an inability to fall asleep or getting adrenaline rushes as soon as I'd drift off and those are the worst imo.

But now Ive hit a patch of inability to fall asleep/adrenaline rushes again. It makes me so depressed.

 

I get this internal struggle trying to figure out if I'm just doing this to myself and it's "sleep anxiety", or if the Zoloft really really messed me up this long. I guess I wonder because I don't have many other symptoms, sure the depression and anxiety but they seem to come from lack of sleep. The adrenaline and inability to relax seems directly tied to inability to sleep like normal human.

 

So just wondering... Am I doing this to myself, is it the adverse reaction, can I get some words of advice from someone who knows, because no else does and this hurts so bad sometimes.

[Ma205]

Hi did this get better?

[SallyNova]

@Ma205

Yes. 

I've been thinking if posting a recovery story but I want to wait a little longer as I don't feel totally recovered yet. But I am doing much better! 

I've had most of the same symptoms though out this whole ordeal, but I can feel the intensity lightening up over time. What used to be a great night's sleep, is now a bad nights sleep. I average 6-7 hrs. I still get a little anxious to sleep, but I sleep, and I still wake up a bit during the night, but instead of waking and being up for hrs I can get back to sleep within ~30minutes it seems.

Anxiety is still there but it doesn't take over so I'm grateful for that!

I mostly get frustrated and depressed that this is still affecting me, but I'm so much better so I remind myself of that and the perspective helps. Patience and self love and understanding are crucial for this. I've really learned how important it is to trust myself and really care for myself from all this. 

~Anyway, hope you're doing well.

It's a scary journey for sure, but not an impossible one🙏