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Vulnicura: looking for my own Vulnicura


Vulnicura

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Hi all, i'll try to describe my problems and my situation and maybe I can get some advice?

 

I'm 28 y/o, have had depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts 24/7 (my mind is never silent) attention problems, and executive dysfunction notably since at least 16-18 years old, and i've had OCD like features since I was like 7 as far as I can remember, particularly strong since at least 16 years old. Refused to try any medication up until 2018. Had a scary first bout of what was arguably psychotic thinking in 2016. Here's a brief history:

 

March-ish 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March-ish 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March-ish 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me and devastated me for months beyond belief

March-June 2021: Reinstated Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox (tapered over 2 weeks I think, i'm a little surprised at how my memory seems a bit shot atm)

 

I cold turkeyed Sertraline foolishly out of ignorance and due to life circumstances, and I think I remember not taking it as prescribed daily all too well in the first place. Over the last 2.5 years since then, I have noticeably declined and I believe it is likely protracted withdrawal.

 

I now suffer from everything I mentioned previously but it's all generally worse than a few years ago. Since mid 2020 I have really gone down hill and now suffer from the following daily/regularly:

 

- A considerably more panicked and anxious base level of consciousness

- Constant racing thoughts, my mind is never clear/scary intrusive thoughts

- Recurrent terrifying "depression attacks/bouts" where i feel depression/anxiety that is so intense in their particular windows that they feel like panic attacks but more "depression-like" if that makes sense.

- Body temperature disturbances where I feel regular hot flashes/heat sensations running down my body 

- The Luvox I tried last year gave me the worst panic and depression of my life, I felt like I was in a 2 - 3 month prolonged panic attack and I got burning skin sensations that felt like being burned alive that thankfully have dissipated now but lasted from about February to July 2021.

- Chronic fatigue and a constant feeling that someone is pulling me down from my back, making me want to just lay down on a bed. When I feel the fatigue + hot flashes + depression attacks + some confusion at the same time it feels like i'm in hell. 

- Severe executive dysfunction coupled with OCD, makes it so I feel like i'm paralyzed and at the same time I feel like the only thing i can keep doing and keep my attention on is watching youtube.

 

I'm a school teacher and the school year just ended, I could never get anything done because of my executive dysfunction and it is an absolute miracle that I lasted the whole year. I do feel though that when i'm totally into what i'm doing at school there are times where I, dare i say, feel "normal" and "fine," with the exception of lingering social anxiety and severe executive dysfunction that is always there." Now that vacation has started it, i've gotten worse, same thing happened every school weekend. I go crazy when just at home.

 

I'm currently trying to fight through my executive dysfunction in order to set up a new PCP and finally make a doctor's appointment to see if I can get a "full work up," whatever that means, in order to gauge my health and rule out auto immune diseases or other things. 

 

It's a miracle I can even hold my attention long enough to write this atm, what tips can you give me in regards to things I can do to naturally heal, things I can ask my doctor, tests that I should request my doctor, etc? Honestly a few weeks ago I kept daydreaming about trying stimulants (bare in mind that I am very skeptical towards psychiatry now) because of how bad my executive dysfunction is but now I feel more mentally damaged in general now and I have no idea what to do. 

 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Vulnicura: Looking for my own Vulnicura
  • Moderator

@Vulnicura

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping people taper off psychiatric medications, or have tapered off and are now healing.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other member such as yourself. We ask that you only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information together.

 

From what I am reading, you reinstated Sertraline in June, 2021? Are you still on it or did you cold turkey off again like you did in November, 2019? If you are still on it, how much do you take?

 

If you are no longer taking it, I would say it is too late to reinstate since it has been a year now. 

 


Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

What is happening in your brain? - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

We don't suggest supplements on here because they can be stimulating to the nervous system. But some members do find a couple that do help. If you want to try one, try it in a small amount and wait a few days before introducing the other.

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

After you read these links provided and if you could please let us know if you are still on Sertraline and what dosage, we will be able to help you more.

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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I tapered off sertraline over two weeks, took it for about 3 weeks I think, maybe 4 or 5 weeks in total. I haven't taken it in a year. Thanks for the links, i'll look them over. I have a doctor's appointment for next Tuesday, maybe I can get some labs and referrals to rule out stuff like auto immune diseases or any other thing other than withdrawal. It's weird, as best as I remember I stopped taking Sertraline back in late 2019 but didn't start feeling the worse parts of my worsening until almost a year later? I can remember inner restlessness being weird at the beginning of 2020 but the hot flashes feeling and the panic, executive dysfunction, and the "depression attacks" didn't really kick in  with full force until later on in the year I think. Bums me out to think that almost 3 years after first stopping I am still feeling so bad... As I write this I feel a lot of fatigue, I feel like a force is pulling me from my back, wanting me to lie down on my bed and mentally I am not well either. Sometimes I wonder if an ex-acquaintance that I had that was bat-#@## crazy poisoned the piece of bread he gave me when we went hiking around the months that I started to feel worse. Sounds kinda paranoid but..

 

Sometimes I get so desperate I start daydreaming about trying stimulants or another medication... Goes to show how sick I am of all of this. I do believe though that I get worse when not working. I think that when i'm teaching there were times this last school year where aside from my social anxiety and executive dysfunction I felt fine. The hot flashes thing was kind of a thing of the past but right now I feel like someone is bear hugging me with a thick blanket and pushing me down. Unreal.

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

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  • Moderator

@Vulnicura

 

Since you have been off Sertraline for a year, I would not suggest reinstatement. It's highly unlikely it would work.  It wouldn't be advisable to try another antidepressant at this point either.

 

Unfortunately, you are just going to have to allow your body to heal on its own. And you will.

 

Try the magnesium and omega as that may help with the symptoms.

 

You can try lots of self-care, meditation, taking walks, doing a hobby, taking a nice Epson salt bath (these seem to help some members), yoga, anything that would calm the central nervous system. Also read the success stories on here. There are a lot of members just like you that healed over time. One of our moderators, Shep, did just that. 

 

Please keep me informed on how you are doing and if I can help any further.

Edited by Frogie

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • 1 month later...
On 6/29/2022 at 7:16 AM, Frogie said:

@Vulnicura

 

Since you have been off Sertraline for a year, I would not suggest reinstatement. It's highly unlikely it would work.  It wouldn't be advisable to try another antidepressant at this point either.

 

Unfortunately, you are just going to have to allow your body to heal on its own. And you will.

 

Try the magnesium and omega as that may help with the symptoms.

 

You can try lots of self-care, meditation, taking walks, doing a hobby, taking a nice Epson salt bath (these seem to help some members), yoga, anything that would calm the central nervous system. Also read the success stories on here. There are a lot of members just like you that healed over time. One of our moderators, Shep, did just that. 

 

Please keep me informed on how you are doing and if I can help any further.

Hello. So, i'm at a loss at what to do. At the moment i'm considering trying psychiatric medication again. I've gone to reddit to various different forums on there revolving around mental illness and when I explain my history, physical and mental symptoms, and my negative experiences with psychiatry and some of the thinking and findings revolving around the "anti-psychiatry" bubble, what I mostly get are either replies recommending I just go visit a psychiatrist and ask them questions or replies where they're mostly saying that psychiatric medication has done them and other people plenty of good, that all medicine can have drawbacks, and that it probably wouldn't hurt to try some medication. Many of the replies have a kind of undertone that might go against or ridicule a wary view of psychiatry.

 

My point being, i'm at a loss because I feel absolutely disabled, i'm paralyzed in my life, and this rabbit hole about whether to try medication is one i've gone through before, the last time I gave psychiatric medication a shot I felt so much pain and horror that I could have never imagined was possible.

 

Another problem is, i'm not even sure if what i'm experiencing at this point is specifically withdrawal (or aka a hammering of my CNS) from my previous psychiatric medication or if this is just further development of my "underlying mental illness."

 

I've also had to make appointments with a rheumatologist and a neurologist because of all the physical symptoms, and i'm wondering if an autoimmune disease for example could also be the cause for my physical and mental worsening.

 

For more context around what i'm feeling anyone reading this can read my original post but basically I tried 25mg of Sertraline starting around April 2018, cold turkeyed off of around 125mgs on around october 2019 due to ignorance and other factors, but I swear I didn't feel my physical and mental worsening that i'm feeling now at full force until around August 2020. Call it a shoddy memory but I don't remember feeling afflicted by my physical symptoms of now prior to the last part of 2020, and mental state also wasn't as bad is it would and has become. Basically, I didn't have much reason to think I was even going through withdrawl for almost an entire year after I stopped the Sertraline. Maybe it's because at that time I didn't know so much about withdrawal and so I wasn't informed, or hyper aware, and I didn't know what to look out for either? Is it even possible for withdrawal effects to take so long to have a strong impact? My anxiety, panic, and intrusive thoughts have me fearing i'll lose my mind and end up with dementia, or that maybe I have a tumor, or that i'll never get better. I'm scared and desperate. 

 

I remember feeling okay in August 2020, I would get up to hike up a hill every morning for like two weeks at around 5:30 am and then i'd get home just in time to start teaching during distance learning starting at 7:30, and I would plan and teach and grade my students' work and prepare materials. It was all still hard for me because i've always had executive dysfunction but then starting like in September I feel like I really started to feel terrible physically and mentally and I had to quit my job because I felt so terrible. Seems like quite dramatic of a decline in retrospect.

 

And the authorizations to see specialists take so long to come, and so do the appointments. It's taking forever to get checked, the treatment process feels so negligent. 

 

If you're reading this, whoever it is, please perhaps you can provide some insightful advice. Thank you.

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

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@Vulnicura

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now.

I feel for you. 

 

2 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

At the moment i'm considering trying psychiatric medication again. I've gone to reddit to various different forums on there revolving around mental illness and when I explain my history, physical and mental symptoms, and my negative experiences with psychiatry and some of the thinking and findings revolving around the "anti-psychiatry" bubble, what I mostly get are either replies recommending I just go visit a psychiatrist and ask them questions or replies where they're mostly saying that psychiatric medication has done them and other people plenty of good, that all medicine can have drawbacks, and that it probably wouldn't hurt to try some medication. Many of the replies have a kind of undertone that might go against or ridicule a wary view of psychiatry.

 

It sounds like you are turning to reddit looking for support with your "history, physical and mental symptoms, and my negative experiences with psychiatry and some of the thinking and findings revolving around the "anti-psychiatry" bubble," -- and not finding reddit forums to be supportive in that regard.

Based on your experiences with reddit, I'd suggest you stop turning to reddit for support with those things. It doesn't sound like you're finding what you're looking for there, and maybe it's only serving to confuse you?

 

2 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

At the moment i'm considering trying psychiatric medication again.

 

To paraphrase @Frogie from her welcome post to you at the top of your thread, SA is a volunteer-run site dedicated to helping people taper off of psychiatric medications, and to supporting people who have tapered off and are now healing. 

 

Here on SA you will find ample support for your "history, physical and mental symptoms, and my negative experiences with psychiatry and some of the thinking and findings revolving around the "anti-psychiatry" bubble".

You will probably find significantly less explicit support for "trying psychiatric medication again".

 

Is it possible that you are shopping your questions in the wrong/opposite places? 

If you want to go back on psychiatric drugs, how about using reddit for that, if the reddit forums seem to be pro-psychiatry and pro-psychopharmacology?

If you want to stay off of psychiatric drugs and get through WD and heal, SA is a good place to receive support for that -- as evidenced by Frogie's comments here in your intro topic. 

 

According to your drug signature, it looks like you are currently off of all psychiatric drugs, and have been since June 2021. Is that correct?

One year drug-free is a big deal. Give yourself lots of credit for that! It takes hard work, patience and determination, and you are doing it. You've come very far! Well done.

 

2 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

I tried 25mg of Sertraline starting around April 2018, cold turkeyed off of around 125mgs on around october 2019 due to ignorance and other factors, but I swear I didn't feel my physical and mental worsening that i'm feeling now at full force until around August 2020. Call it a shoddy memory but I don't remember feeling afflicted by my physical symptoms of now prior to the last part of 2020, and mental state also wasn't as bad is it would and has become. Basically, I didn't have much reason to think I was even going through withdrawl for almost an entire year after I stopped the Sertraline. Maybe it's because at that time I didn't know so much about withdrawal and so I wasn't informed, or hyper aware, and I didn't know what to look out for either? Is it even possible for withdrawal effects to take so long to have a strong impact?

 

Yes, it's possible for withdrawal effects to take a long time to fully make themselves known. This is known as delayed-onset withdrawal symptoms. It happened to me and it took me a long time -- as in years -- to connect the dots and retrospectively understand that I was experiencing delayed, protracted withdrawal. In addition, as you point out, if we have no idea that withdrawal syndrome exists, we are not able to interpret the data as WD. Theoretically, we may already be experiencing waves of WD symptoms, and if we are unaware of the possibility of WD, we will interpret those symptoms to be indicative of something else entirely. This is very common, as most of us and most doctors are ignorant of WD -- and so WD symptoms are routinely misinterpreted and misdiagnosed as "relapse of mental ilness" or flu or any number of unrelated things. This has happened to me many times over the years, and this is how many of us end up going back on psych drugs again and again and having such a hard time getting off the drug carousel. 

 

That being said, you are in a different position, because you have the following to your advantage: 

- You are 1 year drug-free, and counting!

- You know about WD, and are actively learning more about it. 

- You found SA and have been open to receiving support here. 

- You are only 28 y.o. and have your life ahead of you!

 

You've got a lot going for you, Vulnicura, and if you want to stay off of psych drugs and stop messing about with psychiatry, I trust that it is entirely possible for you. 

The question is whether you want to or not. 

Nobody can make that decision for you, it's your choice. 

 

2 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

My point being, i'm at a loss because I feel absolutely disabled, i'm paralyzed in my life, and this rabbit hole about whether to try medication is one i've gone through before, the last time I gave psychiatric medication a shot I felt so much pain and horror that I could have never imagined was possible.

 

So you have asked this question before, Should I take psychiatric medication?

And you have tried taking psychiatric medication numerous times. 

And each time you have ultimately found that it didn't work for you, leading you to quit. 

Not only that, "the last time I gave psychiatric medication a shot I felt so much pain and horror that I could have never imagined was possible."

 

Nowhere in there do I see any viable argument or reason to once again repeat the same painful, negative experience of taking psychiatric drugs. 

What makes you think it would be any different this time, when it has been awful every other time? 

 

I am reminded of a quote attributed to Albert Einstein, maybe you know it:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. 

 

Well, Vulnicura, the thing is, I don't believe you are insane. 

 

Psychiatry may be all too happy to diagnose you up the wazoo, and if you are looking to be labelled and judged and patiented and drugged and dismissed and ignored and gaslighted indefinitely, by all means, psychiatry will be happy to have you. I'm sure you're always welcome there -- just understand that it's their house, their rules. 

 

I still don't believe you're insane.

Here at SA it's your body, your life, your choice -- and your job to do. 

SA offers amazing support, and it's still on each one of us to do the (considerable!) work of getting through WD and learning how to live a drug-free life. 

Does that sound daunting? 

 

I will say it again: you've got a lot of things in your favor right now. I believe you can do this -- quit psych drugs for good, stay drug-free, recover and heal from WD -- if you want to.

Do you want to?

 

On 6/27/2022 at 4:40 AM, Vulnicura said:

I'm 28 y/o, have had depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts 24/7 (my mind is never silent) attention problems, and executive dysfunction notably since at least 16-18 years old, and i've had OCD like features since I was like 7 as far as I can remember, particularly strong since at least 16 years old. Refused to try any medication up until 2018.

 

It sounds like you have been struggling for many years. I'm sorry for your suffering. 

 

You held off on trying medication for a long time. 

In all those years, what were you doing instead?

Have you received appropriate, qualified counseling? 

Are you currently in therapy?

Have you participated in support groups?

What sort of support system do you have?

What non-drug coping techniques do you use? 

How is your anxiety/stress management toolkit?

What life skills have you learned and practice regularly?

What lifestyle adaptations have you explored, e.g. diet and exercise? 

 

If you are going to succeed in staying off of psych drugs -- and I'll say it again, I trust you will succeed if this is what you want -- you have to get very real and very clear on learning, implementing, practicing non-drug ways of taking care of yourself. Not just once or twice, but really developing and committing to a comprehensive self-care practice that suits your unique needs and integrating that practice into your daily life, indefinitely. It will also be vital to invest time and energy into building up your support system, strengthening and deepening the connections you already have, and gradually expanding and making new connections. This includes peers, elders, qualified health care practitioners such as reputable counselors or therapists, etc. 

 

You also seem very attached to the idea that you suffer from "executive dysfunction". You mention it many times. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not denying your experience. I believe you when you say you struggle and that there is something that's very hard for you. 

I just cannot help but question this "diagnosis" -- not sure whether this is your own label or someone else's -- as it doesn't seem to be helping you. 

First of all, while I don't know exactly what you mean by "executive dysfunction", if you are referring to difficulties with concentration, planning, coordinating, attention, cognitive tasks -- these might all be WD symptoms. Indeed, these symptoms are all very common in WD -- I have them. 

However, there's a difference between knowing you are struggling with a symptom of WD -- which is temporary, and will pass -- and believing that there is something inherently wrong with you. I'm not sure which is the case for you, I just notice that you say this about yourself a lot; and, anyway, you mention that this started when you were 16-18 y.o., so well before WD. Please note that WD can make this sort of thing worse, temporarily. 

 

Telling yourself over and over for a decade that you have "executive dysfunction" ultimately amounts to little more than negative self-talk and will not do you any favors in addressing whatever underlying difficulty has led you to this label in the first place. When we adopt a label -- whether it's one we've been given or one we've given ourselves -- we limit ourselves and put ourselves in a box. It can really stunt growth, inhibit healing, and erode our self-esteem. 

Imagine telling your best, dearest, most beloved friend every single day, multiple times a day, for 10+ years: You have executive dysfunction, you have executive dysfunction.

Does that sound like a friendship anyone would want to be in?

 

For our health and healing it is imperative that we develop awareness of these kinds of ways in which we might be (unconsciously) holding ourselves back and putting ourselves down. 

Instead, we might practice self-acceptance and self-love. 

We might practice reframing challenges by way of gentle, non-judgmental self-inquiry, using curiosity to ask: Hmm... I wonder what's going on here. How does this serve me? 

We might also solicit practical assistance and support from kind, qualified (non-psychiatric) sources, requesting help: I find XYZ challenging, might we work together to find some strategies that could help me navigate this difficulty? 

 

That is all part and parcel of the beautiful, very hard, infinitely rewarding work of healing and unpatienting ourselves and living/exploring an embodied experience of being human. 

Welcome to the rest of your life. 

It gets better. 

 

Last but not least, yet another reminder from your own intro post: 

 

On 6/27/2022 at 4:40 AM, Vulnicura said:

now I feel more mentally damaged in general now and I have no idea what to do. 

 

On 6/27/2022 at 4:40 AM, Vulnicura said:

Over the last 2.5 years since then, I have noticeably declined and I believe it is likely protracted withdrawal.

 

I now suffer from everything I mentioned previously but it's all generally worse than a few years ago. Since mid 2020 I have really gone down hill and now suffer from the following daily/regularly

 

From everything you've posted in your intro topic to date, it seems pretty clear to me that psychiatric drugs have never helped make your life better and have only ever made your life worse. 

 

It's your experience, your data. 

What does the data show? 

What does your body tell you? 

 

WD is temporary. It will pass. 

You are 1 year drug-free, and the choice is yours whether you want to build on that to continue healing. 

If you choose to keep going in your recovery, you will make progress and you will heal. 

You are already healing, you have already come so far. 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

You have a lot of resources available to you here, you need only opt in to recovery. 

You can do this, if you want to. Do you want to?

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Vulnicura: looking for my own Vulnicura

@Ariel

 

Hi, thank you for taking time to offer a thoughtful response Ariel. I'll continue to check over it again for it to sink in more. 

 

I'll try to respond to several parts of your reply as best as I can, it is hard for me though as i'm gritting my teeth here as I try to sit and concentrate long enough to type and think. It gets me angsty and restless to have to concentrate on much it seems. Anyways... 

 

I don't know where to begin. Ultimately, I feel broken, shattered, in pieces, and I have felt this way for many years and in many ways, more so in this assumed withdrawal phase of the last 3 years. The fact that these problems i've had not only feel strong but are varied and with a long life span make me feel like I have underlying mental conditions that have no profound fixing if not medicated. This is the mainstream reasoning and on the surface at least it seems logical with so much mainstream acceptance to boot. It's frustrating to feel conflicted about what to do, so many different people saying such different things. Doesn't help that when I go to my mother and say something like "I can't believe i'm not getting better/I can't believe i've been hurting for so long" she says something akin to "well, how can we expect things to get better if you're not taking medicine." She doesn't mean bad when she says this but she says this despite having seen the catastrophic reaction to my last try at an SSRI and despite all i've  shared with her regarding the type of info that is circled around in the "anti-psychiatry" sphere. 

 

The reason I mention executive dysfunction so much is because from the many mental ailments that i've had to deal with for many years, I think the inability to concentrate very well and be productive has been arguably the most devastating for me. I feel i've had this for more than a decade, but for the last 3 years or so it's gotten to the point where it wouldn't seem like hyperbole to say that I can't do much of anything and that I can hardly think or concentrate on anything other than mindlessly browsing escapist Youtube and Twitter. It feels like i'm paralyzed in time and space. If my family members for example ask me to take a picture for them or help them with something, I internally breakdown and take it as insensitive torture that my family pretends like I can help them with anything, even if so menial, without it feeling like torture. It seems weird to think that somehow I have a job as a teacher that I survived through last year and that i'm expected to continue once the new school year starts in about a week. Biggest reason i'm still hanging onto the job is to finish going to some medical specialists as I don't want to start the process all over again with another insurance and because I want to get into the habit of working again at the very least to not be cooped up at home going insane in my room. 

 

I digress.

 

I wouldn't think of trying psychiatric medication again if it wasn't for all of the conflicting advice, information, theories, feelings, and for the fact that i've had to deal with a lot of different, strong things for so long. Logically ADHD or Bipolar labels have been running around in my head recently. I've read stories of people's realities apparently transformed for the better after taking stimulants. It's hard not to ponder. 

 

Ya I have to try different diets, go to a therapist, search up and try other ways to help me get better, but that's hard in itself when doing anything or thinking too hard seems as hard as lifting a 500 pound anvil or something.  Atm i'm just in a mode of escapism, trying to sleep 7-8 hours a day, following a seemingly healthy diet, and hoping every day that I get better. It's a long wait, with often scary bumps and spikes in the road. Sometimes I day dream about reading cool books, creating avant-garde Youtube content that can shake up things in really awesome ways, or I think of all the cool things I could do as a teacher, but that all shuts down when I realize I can't start, continue, or finish off much of anything. 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment

Don't mean to come off the wrong way but I see other threads with several pages, sometimes even dozens of back and forth of some kind between people here... considering how bad i've been doing I do wish I could get some more back and forth of some kind here, whether it'd be insight, advice, or comfort. 

 

One of the scariest aspects of what's happening to me is that i've been getting what i'd call "depression attacks"  where, like in a panic attack, I seem to get a surge of depression and anxiety that makes me feel very easily startled, there's a bit of confusion involved, and there can be intense and weird thoughts that can be deeply depressing, sad, nihilistic, and even suicidal. It feels like hell and insanity. This past week i've been especially bed ridden, from Monday to Friday I was able to maintain a livable sort of level of depression, where I felt down and didn't feel like doing much and couldn't concentrate or think too clearly, but then over the weekend i've felt much worse generally and with these big spikes of depressive feelings that are the worst. It's also scary that my level of depression feelings very palpably goes up and down to several degrees every few hours and even minutes. Despite feeling relatively okay compared to my worst this past week, I could always feel this worsened state simmering underneath. This has been happening to me since late 2020 when i started getting worse overall as I stated in the above posts. But it feels like it's getting worse, not better over time. I have to maintain a journal as I do think I hadn't been feeling so many spikes for a while a few months ago.

 

Does anyone else's depression also feel like this? 

 

Frustrates me too how long I have to wait for authorizations and appointments with doctors and specialists. It's been two weeks since I was told i'd be given neurological testing authorizations. Granted, they did say these could take two weeks to arrive, i've lately been receiving some of these authorizations earlier. 

 

Are autoimmune diseases also capable of leading to mental illness worsening like mine? I still wouldn't count out that I may also be suffering from some verifiable stuff through labs and not just withdrawal. Taking so long to find out. I feel fatigued, a need to always be lying down, and I always feels in a state of hot flashes/temperature disregulation. When I touch my own skin It feels like im touching an oven, others can't feel that when touching my skin and I also don't feel that touching others' skin. It also sucks that particularly when I wake up at night or in the morning, I feel more brain fog than usual, weird weird feeling.  I wish I could FEEL the hope of thinking that one day I could wake up feeling much better and begin a snowball of improvement from there but it's not happening so far.

 

On the other hand, a few months ago when It was the middle of the school year (i'm a teacher) I woke up every day and even though my inability to focus well on tasks affected my daily I didn't feel so so bad from all of this as I have since summer break started. Back a few months ago I realized that I got worse over the weekends when at home... the summer break has been killing me and i've been feeling worse as it's gone by, haven't recharged. 

 

Any help would be appreciated.Thanks. 

 

 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
21 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

Don't mean to come off the wrong way but I see other threads with several pages, sometimes even dozens of back and forth of some kind between people here... considering how bad i've been doing I do wish I could get some more back and forth of some kind here, whether it'd be insight, advice, or comfort. 

 

SA encourages members to visit other members' topics and support and encourage them.  If you start to do this then other members are more likely to visit your topic and support and encourage you.  Please remember that a member's intro topic is about them and their journey off psychiatric drugs, so please keep details about your own situation to a minimum when posting in their topic.  If they want to know more about your situation they can visit your topic.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

@ChessieCatGot it. 

 

I will say... the "depression attacks" continue and I feel at the end of my rope when it comes to not trying psychiatric medication. My neurologist and rheumatologist visits are still a long way away and after some calls today it seems like my neurologist exam referrals are stuck in limbo atm. Yesterday I almost couldn't sleep, finally budged at around 2 am because I was so traumatized by what hit me at like 7pm. An immense depression attack where I felt a state of extremely worsened depression, anxiety, suicidal and destructive thoughts, thick, racing thoughts and confusion, a dream filled with murder and suicide once I did fall asleep, and an overall feeling of insanity. Was about to head to an ER demanding for some type of CT scan or MRI (as apparently impossible it is to get these in an ER) to check for tumors and to be admitted to an psychiatric ward, leaving my future up to chance. 

 

Sad to think that last time I went to a psych ward was a year ago after what seemed like a reaction to Luvox that sent me several levels into hell. At the psych ward they tripled the dose and I got so bad I can't even describe it. Toughed it out for a few months with some terrible symptoms that I've recovered from. Felt I got better throughout the year but have fallen back to the extreme of those depths of late 2020/early 2021.

 

The level of care at psych wards is so bad... the after care is worse. Non existent. 

 

I'm really scared right now, if/when I get hit again i'll want to sprint to the ER...

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
11 minutes ago, Vulnicura said:

I'm really scared right now, if/when I get hit again i'll want to sprint to the ER...

 

I think it would be a good idea to have a plan written out about what to do/try when you feel this way.  And also include a list of the negatives of going to hospital to remind yourself.

 

This might give you an idea of what to include:

 

https://www.complextrauma.ca/wp-content/uploads/Emergency-Self-Care-Plan.pdf

 

I am sure that there would be others.  If you do research online be aware that some are about suicide prevention so might be triggering.  I used the search term:  create self care emergency plan

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

Woe is me. The school year is about to start next Wednesday and I feel terrible. I have no life. 

 

This whole week has been pre-school year professional development for teachers and every day i've gone has been a rollercoaster. Very weird and sharp sensations of depression and anxiety that are absolutely disabling and executive dysfunction that makes it so I can't really do much of anything. I've felt my "best" when alone in my room with not so sharp anxiety or depression but still brain deadening ED. I can't concentrate, think clearly, focus, or work. So jealous of my partner teacher, seems like a high powered individual in contrast to what I imagine even a healthy me could do. She ironed out our schedule in no time, took me loads of effort to even get into the mindset of trying to start to work that thing out.

 

Monday evening as I stated above was horrible of course. I suffered for many years prior to ever trying medication, suffered with a lot of the symptoms i'm already describing, although to a lesser degree. Now i'm here, worse, and I feel like i'm hiding under a bunker waiting for a war to end to finally live my life but I don't know if it will if before I ever tried medication I was already significantly compromised. Where do I go? My normal was already a disaster and had been for years.

 

This is crazy, so much pain, time keeps passing, no definite explanation behind all that i'm going through, and ever conflicted about what to do. 

 

Feel like emailing HR, quitting, and then what? Hole up in my parents' place forever or until I legit go insane? My heart would love to stay teaching but I mean... i already survived ONE YEAR dragging myself through work last year, very compromised work at that. And i'm feeling WORSE than then. 

 

I fear Wednesday coming before I know it and on the day of having little to no plans for the grand start of the year and being forced to start and drag myself through the day in a state of anxiety, panic, depression, fatigue, and haziness, clinging onto my face mask to help hide my anxious and distraught face, controlling my body and grimacing my teeth to minimize my anxious jolts that i've always had. 

 

Shame, if I was even half way normal this gig would be easy I think. I'm not even 1/8th normal or healthy as it stands. 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment

Damn it. Just a few minutes ago I suffered another "depression attack." A surge of disturbing intrusive thoughts, feeling of panicky terror, and confusion made me feel insane. I've been trying since yesterday to try to focus more on the work I have to do for my teaching job, i'm on a cruel daily rollercoaster where I feel disabled, lost, and hopeless and then there are small windows where I don't feel as terrible (but still with clearly significant executive dysfunction) and a tiny glimpse of hope appears but vanishes quickly. I should have quit weeks ago, the first day of school is now only 3 days away.

 

And I feel worse than I did during the last months of the last school year, where I was already dragging myself and counting down the days. Why can't I get better? 

 

There were some nice things that happened during pre-school year teacher training though. Yesterday, one of the new school admins who will be observing all teachers introduced herself to me and along in the conversation said something along the lines of "I can't believe last year was your first year teaching, I saw your class's state testing scores and they were magnificent." This echoes what the principal told me 3 days ago when I approached her to let her know I may not be able to continue soon, she told me that my students' scores on various of the end of the year tests from last year were incredible, my 4 grade students practically made the most growth amongst the whole k-8th school according to the results of the various official end of year tests. It's of some solace, I wonder how that was possible if I was dragging myself through the floor, faking it till i made it, and operating at probably 1/5th of what I estimate a healthy me could probably do. But it's a nice thing to know, that was my goal and I nonetheless did stuff that was directed towards achieving that. It also makes me sad, if I was healthy i'd love to stay teaching here and it'd be a dream life. 

 

Too bad i've been mentally destroyed for years and after the experiments with psych meds I feel even worse. Haven't felt "normal" since 6th grade back in 2006. 

 

The question pops up, how the hell do I get back to my pretty miserable "normal" self of pre-psych med use at the very least?  

 

Damn.

 

 

 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Please. Maybe someone can read and offer some advice.

 

I'm a school teacher, right now it is Thanksgiving break, and I am sh!tt!ng bricks here as I find myself engulfed in what I think can be described as a severe melange of hypomania, depression, and executive dysfunction. I always feel terrible but i've noticed that when i'm not in school and when I get a lot of alone time I get worse. I can't concentrate on anything for the life of me, hell it feels like I can barely think at all, and these empty days have been fuel for understanding just how badly impacted my brain has been for the last 10 years and just how scary my future seems as there's no resolution to any of what I feel in sight. 

 

I want to try medication again. I'm terrified and conflicted to do so. 

 

What if I get in a withdrawal nightmare? What if I get horrific, permanent, and/or tardive "side-effects"?  What if the side effects are just as bad or even worse than last time I tried an SSRI (near death, severe nerve pain, confusion, pretty much psychosis, and more). 

 

I'm very concerned about how i'm going to have to grind out the remainder of the school year and will definitely have to either quit or take a leave of absence at the end of the school year If I don't see any improvement. 

 

I can't even think clearly, I can't concentrate, my mind is always filled with racing thoughts, and every day is a roller coaster. I don't have the mental or physical resources to even begin trying elaborate and exotic experimental diets or what not. I have pretty much felt like this day in day out to some degree for the last TEN YEARS!

 

I got a physical, lab test, an autoimmune check up by a rheumatologist, and a couple of neurology exams (results of brain MRI are still pending) and they all came out normal apparently.

 

Don't know what to do. 

 

I'm not living my life to my fullest.

 

On top of it all i'm feeling waves of heat in my body atm, the rheumatologist said it might be fibromyalgia as she didn't have a clue as to what else those sensations could be based on lab work. 

 

Damn. My time is finite on this world and the last 10 years have been swallowed almost entirely by my mental illness. It is a testament to my fortitude that i've done anywhere near as well as I have. 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Hello, I’m worried and I’d appreciate if someone can provide guidance. I started 300 mgs of Lithium on about February 25, been on it for about 3.5 weeks now. Don’t think I’ve felt much of a positive difference but I have felt some stomach pain here and there and since yesterday and more so today I have started to feel pain in my lower back, which I think are my kidneys.

 

I decided to trial lithium as I’m desperate with my depression, anxiety, and executive dysfunction. Three years after my catastrophic reaction to just a few doses of Luvox I decided to begrudgingly try psych meds again and Lithium seemed as the “safest bet” over antipsychotics and antidepressants despite the infamous risks of Kidney damage. After what I’ve been feeling the last couple of days with stomach pain and what I think is kidney pain I am no longer interested in taking the risks. 
 

I’ll make an appointment with my psychiatrist but from an experience I had with her years ago I know her taper schedule would not be as slow or cautious or informed in the same way as  it would be here.

 

How should I taper off 300 mgs of Lithium after taking it for 3.5 weeks?

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment

I’m in the emergency room hoping to get urine and blood checked and to get suggestions regarding the lithium and also to possibly be given a taper regimen by an emergency room psychiatrist that I could then compare to what’s given here.

 

Looking to avoid seeing my psychiatrist as I’d have to pay 400 dollars and don’t have the highest confidence in her at all.

 

I would really appreciate suggestions here. Thank you.

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment

With all due respect, are there other forums, websites, or groups I could join to receive advice? 

 

I went to the emergency room as described above and my blood tests, urine test, and CT scan all came out well. On the same day I went to the emergency room (this last Saturday, March 16 2024) I called my psychiatrist about what a taping regiment could be considering I had only taken 300mgs daily for 3.5 weeks and was passed a message by her front desk that I could cold turkey considering the dose and duration.

 

Seeing as how from experience and research I should likely be more cautious than that I came here for help and have gotten none. Maybe I have to PM a mod.

 

I did try asking in a Lithium support group on Facebook and received little to no advice either.

 

Since I'm desperate with how long I've felt incapacitated by my years long depression, anxiety, and executive dysfunction, I feel compelled to maybe give psych meds more of a try, I'm of course still reluctant and before I tried the Lithium I was fearing a situation like this one.

 

A situation where I have to/want to come off but don't know if I can trust my psychiatrist and am ignored, receive no help from the online support groups.

 

Again, I don't mean to offend anyone but I am disappointed to feel ignored/unseen in my cries for help and guidance here.

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • Moderator

@Vulnicura

 

You are not being ignored. Please understand that all moderators are tapering themselves and have lives outside the forum like families, part-time and full-time jobs. This forum is 100% volunteer-run. As such, sometimes it can take some time to receive help, especially over the weekend. 

 

According to your signature, you are still on sertraline. Is that correct? Any other changes?

 

31 minutes ago, Vulnicura said:

Since I'm desperate with how long I've felt incapacitated by my years long depression, anxiety, and executive dysfunction,

What have you tried for your depression? There are many contributing factors to depression. What's happening with your diet? Do you like your job? How are your relationships? Are you sleeping, getting exercise? If it were me, I would take a good, hard look at all these aspects of my life before resigning myself to more psychiatric drug treatment.

 

Since you've only been on lithium for 3.5 weeks, you may be able to get away with a quicker taper. Personally, I would reduce by 25% each week. If you're not comfortable with that, you could start with 10% to see how you do.

 

 

2003-2009 on and off various SSRI's for short periods, Ativan prn

2010-2011 Ativan, up to 1.5mg/day - tapered off without issue

2013-2021 ativan 1-1.5mg 10-12x/month, daily starting Oct 21 to help with buspar WD

2016 - Effexor 75mg, short-term

2021 Mar -Jun Buspar ADR at high dose, tapered 3 months

2021 Aug Wellbutrin 150mg for 5 days (ADR), then MIrtazapine 7.5mg for 7 days (ADR)

Oct 22/21 - Direct switch ativan to clonazepam (don't do this)

Tapered clonaz Oct/21 - Apr/23 0.25mg - 0mg!

 

Supplements: omega-3, mag-glycinate, vitamin D

 

"Believe that your tragedies, your losses, your sorrows, your hurt, happened for you, not to you. And I bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open, because the world needs you open" - Rebecca Campbell

 

*** Disclaimer: Please note, my suggestions/comments are based on my own personal experiences. Please consult a knowledgeable practitioner to discuss decisions regarding your medical care *** 

 

                                                             *** Please do not send me PM's ***

Link to comment
1 hour ago, LotusRising said:

@Vulnicura

 

You are not being ignored. Please understand that all moderators are tapering themselves and have lives outside the forum like families, part-time and full-time jobs. This forum is 100% volunteer-run. As such, sometimes it can take some time to receive help, especially over the weekend. 

 

According to your signature, you are still on sertraline. Is that correct? Any other changes?

 

What have you tried for your depression? There are many contributing factors to depression. What's happening with your diet? Do you like your job? How are your relationships? Are you sleeping, getting exercise? If it were me, I would take a good, hard look at all these aspects of my life before resigning myself to more psychiatric drug treatment.

 

Since you've only been on lithium for 3.5 weeks, you may be able to get away with a quicker taper. Personally, I would reduce by 25% each week. If you're not comfortable with that, you could start with 10% to see how you do.

 

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

I'm not on Sertraline, not since June 2021. I can fix my signature if I have to express it differently to clarify.

 

Thank you, I may try that. Kinda puts me off though that the psychiatrist said I could cold turkey and that I only took it for 3.5 weeks and apparently I will have to take it for longer than that and still have it in my system to taper off gradually. 

 

With my lethargy and executive dysfunction that feels like a complicated drag. One of the many reasons I didn't want to try psych meds again, the tapering processes seem complicated and tedious. 

 

 

March 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember dose
March 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed
February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose

February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me

March-June 2021: Reinstated 25 Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox

February 2023-Present: 300 mg Lithium

Link to comment
  • Moderator
3 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

I'm not on Sertraline, not since June 2021. I can fix my signature if I have to express it differently to clarify.

No need to redo it. It looks like I just misread it.

 

3 hours ago, Vulnicura said:

Kinda puts me off though that the psychiatrist said I could cold turkey and that I only took it for 3.5 weeks and apparently I will have to take it for longer than that and still have it in my system to taper off gradually.

I'm not sure why they think that's good advice. I wouldn't cold turkey anything after what I've been through.

 

I hope it goes smoothly for you. If you have more questions, let us know. You can tag me if you need to.

 

2003-2009 on and off various SSRI's for short periods, Ativan prn

2010-2011 Ativan, up to 1.5mg/day - tapered off without issue

2013-2021 ativan 1-1.5mg 10-12x/month, daily starting Oct 21 to help with buspar WD

2016 - Effexor 75mg, short-term

2021 Mar -Jun Buspar ADR at high dose, tapered 3 months

2021 Aug Wellbutrin 150mg for 5 days (ADR), then MIrtazapine 7.5mg for 7 days (ADR)

Oct 22/21 - Direct switch ativan to clonazepam (don't do this)

Tapered clonaz Oct/21 - Apr/23 0.25mg - 0mg!

 

Supplements: omega-3, mag-glycinate, vitamin D

 

"Believe that your tragedies, your losses, your sorrows, your hurt, happened for you, not to you. And I bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open, because the world needs you open" - Rebecca Campbell

 

*** Disclaimer: Please note, my suggestions/comments are based on my own personal experiences. Please consult a knowledgeable practitioner to discuss decisions regarding your medical care *** 

 

                                                             *** Please do not send me PM's ***

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