redkite: introduction

[redkite]

Been on and off antidepressants for the last ten years. Prescribed amiltriptalian 2012 to relief arthritis pain. CT as requested by surgeon pre operation 2013.. PTSD diagnosed by dr after surgery prescribed Dosulapin 2013. Was swapped to another antidepressant after a couple of years think it was duloxetine. CT. Cant remember year swapped to gaberpectin to help with OA!!! CTed. Eventually another antidepressant after a couple of years think it was fluroxetine?? No taper. Tried to come of but didn't understand taper diagnosed paroxetine 2019 30mg also given amiltriptalian to help with sleep again but luckily didn't use it. Been reducing current meds since 2021. Now doing ten percent taper every 4 weeks. Ups and downs!!!! use breathing teckniques, mindfullness,graditude diary,crafting , nature, essential oils, baths, books,support services such as berevement phone line, samartians, therapy of NHS for free or cheep charity counsellors but essentially do it all alone, no support from family limited support from friends

 

Edited July 10, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed topic title

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  Congratulations for tapering off of psychiatric drugs.  It's great that you are doing a slow taper of 10% every 4 weeks.  I see you are using a lot of good techniques to cope with symptoms.  You will find some good support here.  I'm sorry your on the ground support is limited.  This is true for many of us.  Which drug or drugs are you currently tapering? 

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only drug names, specific dates (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day) and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.  Use this format:

 

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Drug name: date, dose, date, dose, date, dose…

Etcetera

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Tapering is best done extremely slowly, and we generally taper by 10% of the current dose no more than once every 4 weeks, so that the reduction becomes exponentially smaller.

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

We look forward to hearing from you again soon.  When we see specifics of your drugs, we can give you suggestions to help you in your tapering.  

[Ariel]

Hi @redkite

Welcome to SA. 

It sounds like you're implementing a lot of proactive, positive non-drug coping techniques already. Good on you. 

I'm sorry you're feeling very alone in this with no support from family and only limited support from friends.

I trust you'll find SA to be a uniquely supportive community. I see you've already received lots of great information from getofflex. 

Take care, go gently. Coming off of psych drugs can be a long, lonely road, but recovery is possible. 
Keep walking, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, and you will get there. 

Wishing you good luck on your continuous healing journey,

A. 

[redkite]

Thanks for your support, and the info given by getofflex. I will sort my medical history better. I have been managing ok(ish) but had one bottle of beer and was shocking this morning and still very shaky. Just one bottle seems to spin me out totally but I still relent about once a fortnight and think it will be ok... it never is!!!!! I used to drink like a fish back in the day and was a hard party animal. I cant believe how ill I have become on anti-depressants and withdrawing from them.  Giving up partying and leaving the rave scene some twenty years ago was so much easier than this. In fact giving up party drugs, cigarettes, alcohol was all a breeze in comparison to this! Oviously like everyone else I wish it had all been explained to me properly when I was first given a prescription back in 2012. All I can do know is keep moving in the right direction. Again thanks for your support.

[getofflex]

On 7/23/2022 at 1:58 PM, redkite said:

I have been managing ok(ish) but had one bottle of beer and was shocking this morning and still very shaky. Just one bottle seems to spin me out totally but I still relent about once a fortnight and think it will be ok... it never is!!!!!

Yes, consuming alcohol does tend to be very hard on our nervous systems while we are in withdrawal from psych meds.  It is best to completely abstain from it, and other mind altering substances as well.  

 

Can you give us more information about your current taper off paroxetine?  When did you last reduce your dose, and what dose are you on now?  

 

Please wait until you have stabilized before you do any more reducing of the paroxetine.  This link talks about stability: 

 

Stability

[Ariel]

Hi @redkite

Just stopping by to say I appreciate you. 

I like reading the notes of support you leave for our fellow members around the site. 

Glad you're here. 

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A. 

[redkite]

Thankyou. It means a lot. But you do LOADS and your allways so good at finding stuff for people to focus on so again thankyou. Its easy to be frightened to know what to say but better to offer support than remain silent like the rest of society!!!! Take care and look after yourself as well as others. Redkite

[getofflex]

@redkitehow have you been doing since your last reduction on July 18? I hope you are doing well. 

[redkite]

HI, thanks for asking. Was a bit rough, raging heart beat, couldnt feel things that normally bring me joy but hoped it would lessen and it did. Do chores in order to stay moving forward.  Struggled with a current situation that triggers me but cannot be avoided, developed stratergies to cope such as positive art work, had my hair done and told myself to smile relax and just listen to the other people and no one will know you feel so ****!!!! Anxiety has  Settled down a lot but it comes and goes. Very anxious in the mornings but that being going on since I was stupid enough to get on the tablet roundabout back in 2013!! Use various self help tools to help me but nature is the big one for me, as soon as I engage in it im better. Saved a butterfly today from a web, watched a sparrow hawk circleing, laughed at stinky hedgehog poo on a cushian!!! This website is also a great comfort . Ariel is a star! Thankyou for being kind to me and getting the right info to me early on.  Take care redkite

[getofflex]

Redkite it sounds like you have a lot of very good non drug techniques, and a great attitude!  Yes, @Arielis a wonderful person!  Please do take your time before you do another reduction.  It is best to listen to your body, and wait until you have about 2 weeks of stability under your belt before reducing again, even if that is 6 weeks,  8 weeks, or more.  That is what I did, and it really paid off.  This link talks about what we mean by stability: 

 

Stability

[Ariel]

Hi @redkite

Thinking of you.

 

On 8/4/2022 at 9:05 PM, redkite said:

nature is the big one for me, as soon as I engage in it im better. Saved a butterfly today from a web, watched a sparrow hawk circleing, laughed at stinky hedgehog poo on a cushian!!!

 

This is so sweet to read and picture in my mind's eye. Thank you for sharing. 

I've been going on evening walks as temperatures are a bit cooler. It's nice greeting the dogs I meet, and the other day I encountered a tiny frog hopping across the park path. 

There are plenty of wild blackberry brambles, my mouth waters waiting for them to ripen. The best berries are up high out of reach, I wonder whether there's a good grabby tool.

 

Sending healing vibes <3

A.

 

[redkite]

Hi Ariel, I have only just seen your reply as I have been completely stressed and preoccupied with current accommodation issues, however it has ended and I feel now i have enough time and head space to engage on sa again. I have read somewhere about your recent experience with the word NO, and the resulting feelings held within that, and it reminded me of a couple of weeks ago when I had to keep saying no to my mother!!!!! In the end i was so stressed, confused, angry and anxious that i rang the Samaritans who talked me down!!

I started to read your thread but it was 2 in the morning and so fell asleep then mentally grumpy for mother, again,!! the next day due to hospital stress but i had the courage to say to her that if she cannot handle me then I would prefer to get myself to hospital!!!  ( need a hip replaced!!!) Seemed to do the trick!!!!! And yes blackberrys everywhere. I forage often and am currently using greengages to make loads of meals with!!! Skint!!! I also take veg from the fields which you can do after the crop has been harvested, its called gleaning, however i like to do it before!!! and thats called stealing!!!!!   sending you natures power  redkite

[redkite]

Just going to put a bit of stuff up so i can see my progress or not!!  Held at 12.5 for about 6-8 weeks due to stress and it really helped. racing heart calmed down, tinnitus went, a lot more joy felt and I was able to cry easier, never thought I would be pleased to be able to cry but i am! Nightmares stopped and generally felt more stable. Did a tiny drop form 12.5 to about 12 but it is a bit haphazard as i break up the pills my eye!!! started to feal jittery and discovered i had dropped more than i thought but thats ok still moving in the right direction, so that good. Bags under my eyes are scary!!! I catch sight of myself in shop windows and i look about 101!!! Struggled with the cat getting ill because of the flat next door being renovated but the vet is fixing her, and the dentist fixed me today by taking out a tooth! That was tough, had a bit of a anxiety attack in the chair but all good in the end!!!!  Next mini drop in the next few days and when I get to 10ml I will hold for the winter-november to march and then start again! More shaky than I used to be pre meds but probably as shaky as paroxetine made me anyway. Doing more generally and defiantly happier if angrier at the same time!!!! People seem to be adapting around me, which is good but I am explaining myself more and being more open with this wd problem. Thinking about doing a msc in september23 and doing reserch on it the scam of the denial around anti depressant withdrawel ect.!!!! Be good to do a PHD on it I recken. anyway that plenty updating so far. will update more often in order to track my self. Onwards and upwards.!!! Redkite

[redkite]

Update to self, temper so bad nearly hit the car insurance man!!!! felt like my skin needed to be scratched off, screaming anxiety, very very jumpy, just struggling to hold it together all the time, feel sad but not depressed. Feeling the drop, nightmares, shaking, calfs screaming as well. Wanted to put out an SOS to others on here yesterday but held back. Starting to looses hope on the support on here as I have supported LOADS of people on here on the last three months but have had no support back!!!! Story of my life that!!!!!  Wish Ariel was still around but I reckon she burnt to bright and burnt out with all the support she gave to others. Forced my self to do some walking which has helped, used to walk loads but am crippled up with OA now and need other hip replaced, not moaning just a fact!!!! Saving a little pony currently so that's a brave and unusual direction but I love animals so much they give me a huge feeling of wellness, indeed my little cat is trying to stop me typing currently and give her some food so I will!!!!

[ChessieCat]

 

8 hours ago, redkite said:

and I had a drink last night !!!!!!

 

What is more important?  Short term relief (if that's what it does for you) or long term recovery?

 

alcohol-wine-and-beer

 

From the Are We There Yet topic:

 

On 7/6/2020 at 5:50 AM, brassmonkey said:

Drinking alcohol is a major factor in excellent recoveries getting derailed.  We just had a case of a member who has been drug free for several years with an excellent recovery underway.  They had a couple of drinks over the weekend and tripped off their symptoms all over again.  Luckily, it cleared in a few days, but that is not always the case.

 

[redkite]

Not been able to access site since november due to problems with my internet as well as my life!!!!  Its Been awfull and had to up the paroxetine from roughly 10.50 to 11.00.  The shaking and waking with anxiety is bloody awfull and there is no way i am reducing again untill the sun comes out, and stays out!! I will have to do tiny cuts. i wish I could talk to a dr about this but not only can i not get an appointment but i dont trust a word they say otherwise I would ask about a possible bridge to help with this wd nightmare.  Very demotivated and gaining weight as i keep cheering myself up with the wrong food.  Am however keeping ontop of cleaning more and enjoying the relief of classical music as well as enjoying reading more, seem to be able to concentrate better. Planting veg and flowers are also a way to feel more grounded and usefull, and my  mother is being more supportive and less judgmental than previously so thats a bonus. Writting this update feels stilted, and i am not as far forward as i would like to be, however it is what it is and there is now magic cure as we all no!!!!!! Scared of making more cuts but hope to grow in confidence as the year matures into spring.  

[Altostrata]

Hello, @redkite, how are you doing?

[redkite]

Hi, Thanks for asking. Think I have sorted my lap top out, it was hijacked by bink!!!!!  I am feeling a lot better the last 5 days. I am on about 10mg and a tiny bit !!! Its about a 40th! God knows what that is in deciminal points but its working this way for me so far! Will take the bit away at the weekend i think but i so don't want to be ill. I definitely feel better of this stuff than on and was debating putting a thing up to promote the struggle. I am more motivated,  no longer wake up with a massive cortisol spikes,  nightmares have gone, tinnitus is gone, indigestion is gone, racing heart is gone and jaw gripping had stopped! That is all so positive it keeps me wanting to be off completely in order to continue to heal.  I am so pleased that I did not get a Dr app and do a swap as it could so easily have messed me up even more. I am aiming to be on here more again now the stupid lap tops being good!!! Again thanks for checking up on me!  

Take care  Redkite 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear! Please let us know how you're doing.

[redkite]

HI, So up and down as normal!!! But ready to do another tiny cut I think. Not struggling with the heat so much during WD as much as last year but its really only the start of summer here so plenty of time to be impacted yet!! My Tempers of the ricter scale!!! Absolutely screaming at someone for being a bit slow at a junction and then had to have a word with myself!!! Thinking about doing a shave off method for the next cut!!!! dont relish the body and head pain that comes with 10% drop. Got a few problems with restless legs at night sometimes but its manageable Just wish, along with most others on here, I could get off more quickly, but strong and steady wins the race!!!! Just don't always feel strong!!!! Improved my mental health today buy doing a bit of forest bathing, stream toe dangling, and ice cream eating!  Keep going everyone its worth the fight!!! Don't give up when we have come this far, just keep putting on foot in front of the other and  get as much nature as you can, it will ALWAYS help. Take care 

Redkite 

[redkite]

Oh yes and to everyone struggling baths, baths, baths! With bubbles, oils, magnesium salts and aromatherapy oils just do it!!!

[redkite]

So today is the 15th of august and i feel like I can relax again. Been truly awfull and the cortisol spikes are still there in the morning...Grrr but the other wds have gone ve grippling anxiety. I hope to be able to make another reductian but the bloody cemist keeps changing the prescription so now the tablets are round, well tricky to cut up and i dont want to do the water  thing but i think i may have to. now on 10mg and would really like to be able to reduce threw autumn but its risky as I get depressed in autumn winter anyway. Sometimes I feel I wish I hadnt started all this reductian thingy, and definatly wouldnt if I had know how awfull it was going to be . Not brilliant with my tag either so now i have remembered how to update it I will try to use it more inorder to keep a journal of how things are. So today keeping the wolf from the door about 7 out of ten. Going to score myself from now on. Got HUGE money problems but my wildlife garden is, you guessed it full of wildlife!!! So thats good as is all the food I am currently foridging, all the wildflowers everywhare and the generall state of my house which had defintaly been worce!!!!!  Nice epsom salt bath later, the water is heating up as I type!!!

[Altostrata]

Paroxetine comes in liquid form. Your GP should be able to order it under NHS. See PRINT OUT leaflet: Guidance on stopping antidepressants by UK's Royal College of Psychiatrists

 

 

[redkite]

Brilliant, Thankyou. This may be a game changer. I appreciate the information and care held within that. Take care. Redkite

[redkite]

so update! I thought I could handle it but i cant!!! The anxiety is of the rictor scale and i am hypervigilant meaning any noise is triggering me. I made a plan of how to help myself and one of the things was to raise my meds back again by a tiny bit.... so i did by0.33 and it was to much so i have put it down to 0.22. I cant believe that this tiny amount makes so much difference. It makes me feel like a crack head chopping up tablet into tiny bits that lets face it look like bloody crack rocks!!!! I have been MUCH less anxious but to much of a space cadet so hoping the reduction will be OK otherwise I may just go back to 10 straight I will c in the morning. the increase has effected my sleep in a negative way which i dont like. And to think the Dr asked me to go to 40mg last time I got ill and had reduced....40!!! No wander i have been so ill in the past when the Dr gives out massive amounts to a system that is all over sensative, thankgod i have found this site. One thing that the updosed  micro amount has shown me though is that i need of this ****!!!!!! Keeping the wolf form the door was 2 out of ten, then 9 out of ten and again today 8 out of ten but weird. I am going to go too the other bits of the plan ( church/counselling/samaritans) to see if that helps me. Its so tough sometimes i want to scream my head of and ripe my skin off. Hope others are managing better than me !! You can see how fragile I am by my terrible input!! Take care Redkite

[Altostrata]

Paroxetine can be a very difficult drug to go off. What dosage changes have you made since July 1?

 

Have you had any alcohol since last fall?

 

Have you been using the liquid to taper? See Tips for tapering off paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat)

 

[redkite]

Hi, Thanks for the input and stopping bye when i know how busy this site and you are . No alcohol at all!!!!!  I have put the dose up to 10mg and a 30th, what ever that is!!! Need to input this on the tag, ongoing problems with my stupid laptop. Been much much much better since I updosed, just the stupid nightmares and cortisol rushes in the morning but SOOOOOOO much happier is scary!!!!. I have read the tips thingy but will read it again. Will reduce by a much smaller amount and will speak to the crappy DR re the liquid, but ovouisly i dont want to because I hate them. Hyper vigelence has gone which is great, not nearly so cross, and less anxious all round. Reaching out more and bumping into lots of old friends which is weird because I put in my diary that I needed to reach out to old friends, and as if by majic they appeared. sorry for spelling mistakes but I have to work quick before I loose the connectian..... again!!! It seems that this website is helping so meny more people since the panorama programe was shown. Tahnks again for your care. Take care yourself please. 

Love redkite

[redkite]

Quick note, have changed tag, what a scruffy mess it is, just like me!!! Slap dash, inconsistent, messy!!! Its frightening how much better i feel since I put up the dose by a 30th, a 30th, it beggers believe!!!  I feel like I need to stick at this dose for a while and then embrace the liquid form. Its anoying that my lap top keeps misbehaving as i want to know how others are doing and I do not seem to be able to see whare I have offered support to check in on peoples progress. I wish that i felt this ok without having to upsose a tiny bit but honestly if I had known I would be this much better I would have done it a while ago. I live on my own, skint, in a rough area and I need to be able to functian a bit inorder to look after myself cause no one else will!!!!!   My beatifull little cat helps me as does all the nature that comes in my wild life garden including hedgehogs that I feed and would mice I dont!!!! Lovely day today and beautiful sunset about to happen. Decent bit of food, lots of water and some new insence flavours. None of this would have happened before the updose as I couldnt leave the house without a MASSIVE effert. Its good to be able to enjoy life even if it is at the expense of two steps forward, one step back!!! Even called in to a local art group for info and advice!  I have come from about 35 mg in 2021 so credit whare its due!!!! Take care everyone and  be kind to yourselfs

[Altostrata]

On 9/2/2023 at 10:59 AM, redkite said:

Been much much much better since I updosed, just the stupid nightmares and cortisol rushes in the morning but SOOOOOOO much happier is scary!!!!.

 

That's good. You've only updosed a few days ago, it's likely these symptoms will also fade.

 

Paroxetine is a bear to go off. Don't blame yourself for updosing or taking a good long vacation from tapering. Often people need to rest before tapering more. Please let us know how you're doing. 

[redkite]

Thankyou for the kind and reasuring words. I have tears in my eyes of graditude. Yes I will be sticking for a while. It was lovely today to be able to enjoy life, and the weather, without having a breakdown at every sound. Will keep you informed of my progress. Again thankyou.

Love redkite

[redkite]

Hi all, 

So much  calmer its great. Noticed today there was a bang and I did not jump out of my skin!!! Did however notice I was still very anxiety when a problem came up but the anxiety in general has gone from about a 9/10 to 3/10 so life is easier. The shaking is nearly gone, and is completely gone in the mornings, the nightmares have diminished, and horrid cortisol spikes nearly gone and generally feel Soooo much more joyful. Even able to bear the hot weather. This has all been achieved by an increase of just one thirtieth!!!! I was looking threw an old journal that I had written in may and June and everyday i put how terrible I felt, how I couldn't get up, and or sleep, how I was jumping out of my skin and how every noise made me jump out my skin. so like everyone says you can get better it takes time time, lots of energy and perseverance. I know I still have along way to go but it is possible!!!!! Take care redkite

[Blossom71]

Hi Redkite

 

Thanks for dropping by my thread so I just wanted to return the visit.

 

So glad your lil updose has helped. It just shows you how potent they are doesn't it?

 

Hope your days keep getting brighter x

 

[redkite]

 

 

Quick update. Not to bad! Even managed to cut little extra bit down.... a bit !!! Cortisol is less... hurrah!!!  Nightmares have diminished, tinitus is less. Anxiety is still very present, sort of moves about depending on activity and I am angry alot of the time but its bearable and I hope to keep nibbling at the extra bit till I am on 10 only. Need to go know as lap top keeps cutting out. Onwards and upwards!!!!

[Altostrata]

Since you updosed so recently, I would not change your dosage at all for a good while.

[redkite]

Hi, Thanks for the advice..... will do. Obsessed with getting to 10 !!!!! Pathetic!!!! Will stay at current level till at least Christmas then. Again thanks for everything from me and everyone who uses the sight and needs your advice and support.... even the ones who do not listen!!!!! Take care and all the best Redkite.

[redkite]

Quick update. feeling pretty bad. Cronic croinc anxiety, hardly able to deal with any stress at all and that includes piss tacking garages, water that wont work and gas lighting mother!!!!  having a hard time and resent having to be nice to anyone when I feel so completly stressed out. want to drink and take valium and scream my head off!!!! Car is in the garage and they are messing me.....apparently the part has just arrived and they are going to do it now!!!! means I have to go out getting wood on my arthritic hip ( the other has already been dug out)  Rang the Samaritans and they were brilliant, they are the only people that are mind. Very very angry and upset with the world. Seriously thought about killing myself yesterday because this is no way to live. Cant even have a bath because the waters brocken and untill I pay the F ing car bill dont know how much money I have. Lap tops on its way out as well!!!!! Cross cross cross!!!!!!