Freja: citalopram and Seroquel hell

[Freja]

Hi, this will take a while to write down as i’m suffering to remembering things clearly.

 

When I was 16(2013) I got diagnosed with ADD, social anxiety and a learning disability. I was put on Atomoxetin and Sertraline where I refused to take them most of the time as I just didn’t want to be different from the other kids. Didn’t experience any side effects at all and I quit taking the pills CT a year after without any WD.

 

In mid 2018 I was put on citalopram 20mg and seroquel(25mg but told me I could take up to max 75mg a day and switch between doses if I felt like I needed it) for sleep, after I developed an ED and a depression due to a past abusive relationship.

 

had severe side effects at first, but wanted to feel better desperatly so I held out. 

 

In 2019 my anxiety got worse and my doctor increased my dose to 40mg of citalopram and lastly to 60mg. In start 2021 I began feeling almost sicker, having severe headaches, extreme irritability, stomach aches, bloating and numbness. decided I didn’t want to live like this, I educated myself on the medications I was taking and I was shocked to say the least. I contacted my doctor and we started started tapering down from 60mg citalopram in 2021 in May to 30mg, with no problems but experienced extreme withdrawal when i tapered down too fast from 30 to 12mg after a month. 

 

on a steady dose of 15mg of citalopram from July up to now.

 

Been Tapering down on quetiapine from august 16th 2021 to (75mg, 50mg, 25mg, 12mg and been on 6mg for my last dose in April 2022.

 

I wanna keep updating my progress here since i’ve had horrible withdrawals from the quetiapine tapering for the past 4 months, with very little windows.

 

Edited July 19, 2022 by ChessieCat
Resized font

[Freja]

Currently taking Omega 3-6-9 and Magnesium. Sometimes I take Symbioflor+ to help my stomach issues as well. I cut caffeine out for the past 4 months and today i’m trying to quit the sugar. Hoping this will help my system relax further

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  You have come to the right place.  Were you on Seroquel immediate release, or Seroquel XR (extended release)?  

 

On 7/19/2022 at 5:32 AM, Freja said:

had severe side effects at first, but wanted to feel better desperatly so I held out. 

After you started the citalopram and Seroquel, and had the severe side effects, did those ever go away before you upped the citalopram dose to 60 mg?  What were those early side effects specifically when you first started the citalopram and Seroquel in 2018? 

 

On 7/19/2022 at 5:32 AM, Freja said:

I wanna keep updating my progress here since i’ve had horrible withdrawals from the quetiapine tapering for the past 4 months, with very little windows.

Please describe the "horrible withdrawals" in terms of specific symptoms?  

 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

You may benefit from a small reinstatement of quetiapine.  The purpose of this is to reduce your withdrawal symptoms.  Going back on a small dose of your drug, which we call reinstatement, is best done very carefully.  This is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this.  There is some risk involved.  Here is some information about reinstatement.  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

I will confer with the other staff, and one of us will make a suggestion about your reinstatement, if you choose to go that route.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2022 by getofflex

[Freja]

13 hours ago, getofflex said:

After you started the citalopram and Seroquel, and had the severe side effects, did those ever go away before you upped the citalopram dose to 60 mg?  What were those early side effects specifically when you first started the citalopram and Seroquel in 2018? 

My first early side effects in 2018 were extreme headaches, dizziness, irritability, mood swings, and very dehydrated. They went away after some months slowly, but some side effects kept on lingering such as the dry mouth and headaches. I felt better after that but then slowly my anxiety just got worse and felt the only way would be to up my dose. 
 

13 hours ago, getofflex said:

Please describe the "horrible withdrawals" in terms of specific symptoms?  

The first were dizziness, insomnia(this went away after 2 weeks of quitting quetiapine and have no problems sleeping anymore), headaches, head pressure, shakiness, buzzing in my body, extreme anxiety, fatique, high pulse, dry mouth, eye floaters, ear pressure(noises feels louder than usual, but this symptom also went away 6 days ago)

 

14 hours ago, getofflex said:

You may benefit from a small reinstatement of quetiapine.

I did consider this before. The last pill I tapered on was a 25mg cut in 4 pieces(as best as I could), so that my last dose would be 6,25mg.(not 2mg, I made a mistake in my signature and don’t know how to fix it.) I don’t think theres a liquid form, and I’m afraid that 6,25mg is a high of a reinstatement for me

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, Freja said:

The first were dizziness, insomnia(this went away after 2 weeks of quitting quetiapine and have no problems sleeping anymore), headaches, head pressure, shakiness, buzzing in my body, extreme anxiety, fatique, high pulse, dry mouth, eye floaters, ear pressure(noises feels louder than usual, but this symptom also went away 6 days ago)

From what you say above, it sounds like things have improved, since your insomnia has resolved, and ear pressure/noises louder is resolved.  Are you still having all the other symptoms now? Is the anxiety still extreme, or has it lessened? 

 

When you increased your dose of citalopram, did this help the anxiety? 

 

Thanks for the information.  We are discussing the best way to proceed, and will get back to you. 

Edited July 21, 2022 by getofflex

[Freja]

22 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Are you still having all the other symptoms now? Is the anxiety still extreme, or has it lessened? 

Yes mostly, they have lessened over time definitely. Anxiety is still bad and I can’t go out alone for too long sadly. I got hit with extreme fatique 4 days ago after I went home from a family trip(where I did have some slight windows)

27 minutes ago, getofflex said:

When you increased your dose of citalopram, did this help the anxiety? 

Yes, everything stabilized after some days of increasing citalopram to 15mg. 
now that i’m off the quetiapine, it feels like the citalopram I take now does nothing for me in terme of anxiety:(

 

Thank you so much for replying, I really appriciate it!

[getofflex]

At this point, I do not think you would benefit from a reinstatement of quetiapine.  It sounds like you are healing just fine.  My suggestion would be to use non drug techniques of coping with anxiety.  The extreme fatigue after the trip is because your nervous system is still raw and destabilized, and needs lots of rest, and still has healing to do.  This takes lots of time and patience.  

 

Here are some ways to deal with anxiety.  Please give this time, it takes time to develop new habits.  They won't make anxiety go away, but should help reduce it, and will help you cope with it.  

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

Music to Calm Anxiety

 

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

 

15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

 

 

Meditation

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Freja

 

On 7/19/2022 at 3:32 AM, Freja said:

on a steady dose of 15mg of citalopram from July up to now.

 

Been Tapering down on quetiapine from august 16th 2021 to (75mg, 50mg, 25mg, 12mg and been on 6mg for my last dose in April 2022.

 

 

Do you mean July 2021?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last month? Is there any particular time of day that you feel worse or better? What times o'clock do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

[Freja]

10 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Do you mean July 2021?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last month? Is there any particular time of day that you feel worse or better? What times o'clock do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

Hello, and yes, I mean July 2021.

 

I would say that some of my symptoms has come and gone (such as the insomnia, ear pressure, high pulse), the other symptoms aren’t as strong as before, but still enough to affect me.

 

Around noon I feel worst, and I feel better at night. 
I take 15mg citalopram right when I wake up and this varies since I don’t always wake up at the same time. So there will be times where I wake up at 9am, take the dose and other where I wake up at 11am/12am to take the dose. 

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Freja said:

I take 15mg citalopram right when I wake up and this varies since I don’t always wake up at the same time. So there will be times where I wake up at 9am, take the dose and other where I wake up at 11am/12am to take the dose. 

This can be contributing to your symptoms.  It is important to take the dose at the same time each day, within about an hour or so.  I realize you can't always take it at exactly the same time each day.  But, varying the timing of your dose by this much can further destabilize your system.   Stability is extremely important to a recovering nervous system.  Please read 

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

[Freja]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

This can be contributing to your symptoms.  It is important to take the dose at the same time each day, within about an hour or so.  I realize you can't always take it at exactly the same time each day.  But, varying the timing of your dose by this much can further destabilize your system.   Stability is extremely important to a recovering nervous system.  Please read

Ah, I see. I didn’t know that it would make a big difference, but i’ll set an alarm every morning, so that I can take it at the same time hoping it’ll help:) 

[Altostrata]

11 hours ago, Freja said:

I take 15mg citalopram right when I wake up and this varies since I don’t always wake up at the same time. So there will be times where I wake up at 9am, take the dose and other where I wake up at 11am/12am to take the dose. 

 

It's very important to take these drugs at the same time each day. Irregular dosing can cause odd symptoms. Suggest you pick a time -- perhaps noon -- to take your dose consistently. Let's see if this causes your symptom pattern to get better in a week or two.

[Freja]

i’ve been wondering if this anxiety I have is real or not. Like if it’s a symptom that will go away while my system heals or what.. 

It seems like it’s the smallest things that trigger it. and it has never been this bad before in my life ever. I could just sit in the sofa not thinking about anything and the anxiety would just kick in, and I can’t go out grocery shopping alone. I could do that before

[getofflex]

7 hours ago, Freja said:

i’ve been wondering if this anxiety I have is real or not.

It very well could be that your brain is still recovering from quitting the quetiapine in April, and is caused by this.  This symptoms will go away very gradually, and may wax and wane.  Check out this link: 

 

Steps for Managing WD Symptoms

[Freja]

Update: I've been taking the dose at the right time each day (exactly 9am) and been noticing small improvements so far. I feel more put together and my symptoms feels less unpredictable? (more stabilized I would say)
Headaches, dizziness, shakiness, buzzing in body, is less prominent. Still there, but more manageable. The sudden anxiety out of nowhere I got before, is completely gone now(thank god!)

 

The on and off going heatwave in Denmark is really taking a tool on my recovery tho. It seems as it's making my symptoms come back.. Almost fainted outside again.

I'll keep myself hydrated, cool, and stay mostly inside until it's over.

 

 

[Freja]

 

I also stopped taking magnesium and the fish oil, because I didn't feel like it was making a difference for me. 

 

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, Freja said:

Update: I've been taking the dose at the right time each day (exactly 9am) and been noticing small improvements so far. I feel more put together and my symptoms feels less unpredictable? (more stabilized I would say)

I assume you are talking about citalopram.  Please mention the drug name in your discussions, as we deal with a lot of people, and can't remember all the details of everyone's case - thank you.  That's great that you are stabilizing and improving! It's wonderful that your anxiety is gone!  I would stay on this dose of citalopram such that you have a couple of weeks of stability before reducing again.  

Edited August 14, 2022 by getofflex

[Freja]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

I assume you are talking about citalopram.  Please mention the drug name in your discussions, as we deal with a lot of people, and can't remember all the details of everyone's case - thank you.  That's great that you are stabilizing and improving! It's wonderful that your anxiety is gone!  I would stay on this dose of citalopram such that you have a couple of weeks of stability before reducing again.  

Ah yes, thanks for telling me! It's the citalopram.
I'm planning on stabilizing on this dose for a couple weeks or maybe months. Then i'll talk to my doctor about switching to citalopram drops instead of the pills I'm taking, so that I can taper very slowly.

[getofflex]

2 minutes ago, Freja said:

'm planning on stabilizing on this dose for a couple weeks or maybe months. Then i'll talk to my doctor about switching to citalopram drops instead of the pills I'm taking, so that I can taper very slowly.

That's perfect - the longer you hold, the easier your future reductions will be.  When you switch from tablets to liquid, be sure and do the change gradually: 

 

Changing Form of Drug - Tablet to Liquid, or Liquid to Tablet

[Freja]

UPDATE:

Still holding on 15mg of Citalopram, taken at the exact same time each morning i’m experiencing a bad wave or so I think it it.

Anxiety is back. It’s constant non stop and I can’t sit still. I feel it especially in chest area. Blurry vision and hard of speaking.

My whole body is buzzing/vibrating and shaking and it’s hard to balance. Head feels heavy and Whenever I raise my arms for longer than 30 sec, it feels like i’m losing blood and energy quickly. Can’t breathe proberly but I also think that might be because i’m reading about serotonin syndrome, thinking I might have it..

 

Basically, I’m not sure if this is because of the Citalopram being in my system, and I need to start tapering soon? Or is this just a wave again?

Will I ever get rid of WD while stabilizing on the 15mg?

I’m not sure what to do and I feel really horrible today.

[ChessieCat]

Reminder:

 

2021 Aug - 2022 Apr - tapered down Seroquel from August 2021 till last dose of 6.25 mg in April 2022. Horrible withdrawal, but slightly improving everyday

 

6.25mg Seroquel is a fairly high jump off dose and it was only 4 months ago.

[Freja]

UPDATE: still holding onto hope ☺️

I’m still holding on the 15mg citalopram, in hopes of stabilizing. Been having a lot of waves and very little windows (that mostly come at night). I’m still unable to shop or go out outside alone for longer periods of time, so I mostly stay indoors and let my boyfriend help me with grocery shopping, which i’m deeply grateful for. I do go to work 4 times a week, when i’m not suffering too much.

 

My symptoms are horrible, I still suffer from extreme dizziness, tiredness and fatique. Blurry vision and extreme anxiety.

When my symptoms are really bad I read lots of success stories and that help alot. I sometimes get so impatient, and frustrated when I’m not making progress.. and this helps me look at things differently. Because I will heal someday, hopefully!

I also wanna look at the better things in my healing journey that I think I take for granted. I do sleep very well, and i’ve read somewhere that it’s important to sleep well, so that I can heal better. I’m also able to feel my emotions very deeply, which I wasn’t before and even though I feel my anxiety more than ever(I’m sure this anxiety isn’t real, since it’s very unpredictable and it’s always with me when my symptoms flare up, and not when I have a window) I don’t get depressed anymore and I’m feeling more optimistic about life more than ever. Even though I feel like crap. I think my enviroment also helps me have a better look at life.. I wanna feel better so badly. And I know only time heals in this case, so I wanna keep just taking day by day as it comes.

[Freja]

UPDATE:

I recently had a 5 days window which felt AMAZING! almost euphoric. My anxiety was almost non exisistent and I was just genuinely very happy.

 

But after the 5 days in Paradise, I had a nocturnal panic attack, right before falling asleep, and I was hit by the worst wave I’ve ever had In a long looong time.. i’m almost sure it’s the withdrawals coming back because my body might still be in a lot of stress from my that panic attack. The fact that it just came without warning, has made me very uneasy and not feeling well.

 

I also feel so incredibly sad because I never feel like i’m gonna stabilize on these 15mg citalopram i’m on and that the longer I stay on this dose to stabilize, the worse I might get because i’m not tapering currently. I reallly feel like my medication won’t let me heal nor stabilize.

[Roserdl]

You are improving.   You just had a window, the process would likely be the same off the drug.  I read people say here again and again, homeostasis is more important than drug dose in stabilizing (with the exception of kindling where the drug is causing symptoms).  But if you are getting windows like that...you are definitely going in a good direction.   know the feeling, I went off my med again over a four month period and though most symptoms remain improved the depression is AWFUL.  I'm not reinstating because I was improving most of the way down, a big indication there was some major kindling going on.  It seems near unheard of to have any improvements with fast drops.  So, stay steady.  

[Freja]

23 hours ago, Roserdl said:

You are improving.   You just had a window, the process would likely be the same off the drug.  I read people say here again and again, homeostasis is more important than drug dose in stabilizing (with the exception of kindling where the drug is causing symptoms).  But if you are getting windows like that...you are definitely going in a good direction.   know the feeling, I went off my med again over a four month period and though most symptoms remain improved the depression is AWFUL.  I'm not reinstating because I was improving most of the way down, a big indication there was some major kindling going on.  It seems near unheard of to have any improvements with fast drops.  So, stay steady.  

Hi, and thanks for writing. It feels so nice to hear from someone who sees things a little differently.

 

I also feel like i’m improving. But dang, these waves just hit so hard.. And even though old symptoms come and go, newer ones takes it’s place 😕 so it just feels like it’s getting worse. Insomnia has kicked in too, and that worries me so much.. Also rapid heartbeat.

How does one know if it’s kindling or just a wave?

[Roserdl]

Kindling.  It's hard to know because side effects mirror symptoms. Kindling means sensitization to drug.  This may be just the specific drug or sensitized to all psych drugs.  As I dropped zoloft, a bunch of things improved.  Vision, became more motivated and more present and connected.  Even depression improved until I went off and then it got worse.  If you are improving you are going in right direction.  If you get markedly worse after an updose that's a sign it's kindling.   

 

You aren't that far off your seroquel taper so it's hard to know how much citrapolam is contributing.  

[Freja]

On 10/19/2022 at 8:43 PM, Roserdl said:

Kindling.  It's hard to know because side effects mirror symptoms. Kindling means sensitization to drug.  This may be just the specific drug or sensitized to all psych drugs.  As I dropped zoloft, a bunch of things improved.  Vision, became more motivated and more present and connected.  Even depression improved until I went off and then it got worse.  If you are improving you are going in right direction.  If you get markedly worse after an updose that's a sign it's kindling.   

 

You aren't that far off your seroquel taper so it's hard to know how much citrapolam is contributing.  

Yeah, I guess I just feel like it’s a long time since my last dose. Like 7 months and some people already stabilize at that point i’ve seen.. I really shouldnt compare myself like that but it’s definitely hard. 
 

I’ll keep my head high though, and hope youre doing well 🤍

[Freja]

UPDATE:

 

I feel so so so bad lately.. just came out of a bad wave with high anxiety and dizziness. It’s over now but still have anxiety and dizziness to a certain degree. Even though its not as bad as before, I still can’t go out grocery shopping or anything for that matter. I can stay home and feel bad or I can go outside and feel even more bad.

I easily get fatiqued and I don’t feel right at all. I’m just so tired. I want this to stop so bad, and I never know when it’s gonna end. I feel like such a burden too.

I have chemical anxiety all the time its horrible and my body feels so worn out because of it. Maybe i’m still in a wave? Not sure, but really struggeling right now

[Adir]

On 11/12/2022 at 11:32 PM, Freja said:

I have chemical anxiety all the time its horrible and my body feels so worn out because of it.

Hi Freja,

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. I feel like I am going through the same thing. It definitely is exhausting and this chemical anxiety feels like its triggering depression. 

Are you using any techniques to address the anxiety? 

For example, I use a prana breath app that helps and strategies like where you tell someone about a memory from good time in very very high detail like you talk about what you saw, heard, touched, smelled, tasted. 

For me these strategies bring me out of the spiral faster. I am grateful for that but the dread is still there all the time.

I think both you and I haven't been on medication for very long, I wonder at what point do things start stabilising because this phase is truly horrible. I read one success story on here that was similar in length and drug to mine and they mentioned things getting better anxiety wise around the 6-month mark.

 

Sending you lots of love and strength,

Adir

[Freja]

On 11/16/2022 at 7:31 AM, Adir said:

Sending you lots of love and strength,

Hello Adir, thank you so much for your message, I appriciate it so so much.

I'm so saddened to hear you're struggeling as well. We really don't deserve this

Yes I do use some kinds of techniques for anxiety, and the breathing techniques help somewhat i'd say.

I like the wim hof breathing method alot. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

I learn to practice paitience when i'm having waves like this, and knowing it's just my body doing everything it can to make my body return to it's normal state. Just treating myself and distracting myself without adding too much stress like work and other errands.
I'm currently at the 7th month of being quetiapine free, and I must say that I do feel some improvements but it's just VERY very slow.
Can't wait to stabilize so that I can begin my taper even slower.

Hope you're doing well, best wishes Freja

[Freja]

I told myself i'd come back here with an update when I felt like i've had some progress in my WD hell, and nows the time!

 

 

Of course, theres still stuff I can't do, such as go grocery shopping alone. or go on long walks. It's like my brain gets overstimulated and then my symptoms kick in?

and i'm still fighting my symptoms everyday but not in a way I did before. It's not like it's tolerable, but I can feel i've improved.

I don't feel like i'm in the acute stage anymore at least and I feel like thats a victory for now

But the thing is, that I can FEEL my brain isn't right still. Like I can feel it's working hard and it's such a weird feeling I can't describe it. But since I know it's my brain working hard on healing everything, I won't think too much of it.

Symptoms that have improved or completely gone now:
sensitive ears

insomnia

headaches

numbness in feet and arms

fatique

sensitivity to exercise


Symptoms that I still have:
Eye floaters

Fast heartbeat

Anxiety
Dizziness (comes and goes variety)

 

[Freja]

UPDATE:

I just saw my update post and got quite surprised to see my progress has gone up again
Yesterday I had another window with no WD symptoms and it was heaven. I'm so glad to know what normal feels like. I'm slowly getting better and somewhat stabilizing

I've been thinking a lot about my mental health and the consequences that WD had on me. I wanna turn this back around even though I'm going through hell at the moment. I do think WD made my anxiety worse bc I was really really fearing my WD when I went outside, and I've been avoiding a lot of stuff recently like grocery shopping alone, shopping, walking outside, exercising, and such.. And even though I really feel bad, I also wanna be in peace with that while I'm healing.

So I've started doing my own exposure therapy. Exposing myself little by little, to go outside walking and grocery shopping again. Even though I might only get to buy one thing before I need to run out again, its okay because it's a process. And this has just made me happier. Just achieving small stuff I feel like I'm able to handle things a little more easily even though it's hard every single time. I feel like this is a good strategy for me at the moment.

 

My plan might be to start tapering my citalopram in august this year. I feel like I will have stabilized to the fullest in that month.

 

[Jeppe]

Hi, Freja,

 

I am so glad you have written this topic and told us about your struggles, as I am also struggling to lower the dosis to the level 0. Your story is so valuable! I may meet the same difficulties and hopefully achieve some similar improvements. Hope you feel well and continue the process as you described.

[Freja]

On 1/29/2023 at 4:53 PM, Jeppe said:

Hi, Freja,

Hi Jeppe, thanks for reaching out and writing to me. It means so much!
I've definitely felt improvements but of course still facing difficulities in day to day life.. I feel like the biggest improvement would be when i'm no longer on the medicine.
I hope you're holding on to hope, knowing this will all pass someday :)) 

Freja

[FireflyFyte]

On 1/6/2023 at 3:17 PM, Freja said:

So I've started doing my own exposure therapy. Exposing myself little by little, to go outside walking and grocery shopping again. Even though I might only get to buy one thing before I need to run out again, its okay because it's a process. And this has just made me happier. Just achieving small stuff I feel like I'm able to handle things a little more easily even though it's hard every single time. I feel like this is a good strategy for me at the moment.

 

As I have been reminded here a few times, withdrawal is a marathon, not a sprint, so think small steps are wonderful and a sign of progress.

 

Sadly, anti-psychotics like Seroquel are notoriously difficult to get off but sounds like you are moving in the right direction and have a good attitude about the process.

[Freja]

Very good update regarding stabilizing on my Seroquel zero dose: ✅

I've been taking a break from updating in my thread as it was mostly the same symptoms I was updating. I promised myself to write in here when I noticed a very big change, and it having been a few weeks and almost a month now.

There has been a major difference in my symptoms and brain, slowly getting closer and closer to feeling normal. I must say I never saw it coming and almost didn't believe it either.
I've had more windows than waves and they feel AMAZING.

I remember how bad it was just waking up in the morning, either having nausea, horrible dizziness, and fast heartbeat and so so so much more. It has been hard knowing I actually couldn't do ANYTHING at all to get better. This is also why I don't want to try anything ''new'' to make myself feel better. It won't happen, and it will most likely just make my nervous system overwhelmed. So I didn't do anything special other than listening to my body, and rest as much as I could as well as growing personally and bettering my depressive episodes and anxiety when they came.

But now it feels like a veil has slowly lifted over me and I feel completely different in my body. It feels almost calm? I don't believe it just yet but these positive changes are getting more and more prominent, I really felt like I needed to update you guys and to anybody who needs to hear.

I got no idea how to explain the difference I feel so I wanna list some symptoms I had throughout the days when my WD was really bad vs. now.


I wanna quickly say to the ones who are new to my thread that I've been trying to stabilize on my 6.25mg to  zero dose Seroquel for 12 months now and finally seeing improvements.
During waves and my time stabilizing on zero dose Seroquel:

upon waking up my WD slowly gets my body working by making me,
- dizzy, this is also my main symptom and one that has lasted the longest
- having a fast heartbeat (this would come just from walking too, and even moving too quickly could cause my body to panic thus making me anxious)
- Nausea by eating, nausea by also NOT eating 🙄

- Very sensitize to noises. They seemed louder than they actually were and hurt my ears alot

- Eye floaters, also feeling like my eyes are closing in on me?
- Constant panic feeling in my body. It's like everything was anxiety provoking to me, it made NO sense whatsoever. Could not go outside for long, let alone go grocery shopping with my boyfriend 
- Could take no naps and would wake up feeling even worse than before
- Couldn't do NO exercises (I see that my body was trying to hard to stabilize, that no amount of exercise would make me feel better)
- Neuro emotions (very sensitive to joking, criticism, having depressive episodes)
- Horrible period cramps even though I'm not on my period at the time

- Insomnia, that was horrible. My cortisol was just up the roof tbh
- Headaches every time I went to bed, and I also had to keep water near me ALL THE TIME, because id be so dehydrated so much, mostly at night

- I got overstimulated easily at work and my symptoms getting worse because of it (I work as a barista)


How I feel now that I'm 75% stabilized:
- I now wake up feeling pretty normal, normal heartbeat (not that fast as before at least), no sudden or unexplained anxiety (sometimes I would get random sparks in my stomach, it feels like getting jump scared if that makes sense)
- No crazy mood swings

- I can now take a nap easily ❤️
- No headaches!

- Noise sensitivity is gone!

- I'm able to go big grocery shopping MYSELF 🤩
- I can exercise again and I feel GREAT afterwards, this actually rewards me now. (I don't overdo it on the exercise tho, I still wanna be careful)
- Just go for a walk after work, walking slowly and window shopping. I can actually enjoy this now I'm so happy

It's a weird feeling but I just feel.. normal again? Well as much as I can since I'm still on citalopram but still 😅 I haven't felt like this in so long, life's honestly beautiful

 

Symptoms that are still lingering but have changed:
- Eye floaters are still there sadly

- I still cannot drink alcohol without symptoms immersing. But this doesn't bother me as I don't like drinking anyways.

- Fast heartbeat is getting better now that I can exercise, but is still there
- Period cramps when I have no period

- Dizziness is still there but ALOT more manageable and honestly I feel like the more I stay like this the more stabilized I will feel.


My plan currently just to see if I can stabilize even more (which I know I can) and maybe begin my taper on Citalopram 15mg starting summer? I will write when I plan to do this taper.
I contacted my doctor asking if a liquid could be made from citalopram and he sadly said no.. So I'm considering making my own liquid when the time comes. I wanna taper as slowly as possible because I have to say...

I'm so scared of ever feeling like this again, and also kind of scared of tapering again even though I want to.. Withdrawal is hell and I don't wish it on anybody AT ALL.

 

I'll keeping lurking in the forums from time to time, but I won't be updating here anymore until my next taper 🙂
I hope this might help someone who's stabilizing on Seroquel. This drug is brutal but healing WILL happen, even when I thought it wouldn't happen for me.

 

 

Much love

 

Freja