Freja: citalopram and Seroquel hell

[Freja]

HELP! Is it time to start tapering? ADVICE NEEDED

Hello everyone! I'm still stabilizing on my citalopram dose of 15mg.
I've had ups and downs (mostly ups, as I continue to feel better but only to a certain degree)
My symptoms hasn't changed and they're basically just the same right now.
Dealing with dizziness and anxiety. They come on waves and windows where they're either very bad and sometimes non existent.
But I'm resting well and I manage to go get to my part time job which I see as a huge improvement despite still struggling with WD everyday. 

 

 

And I think it's time for me to start tapering soon, but I'm very afraid and I need advise.
I realise that I won't ever feel 100% normal (WD free) if keep staying on this dose, and maybe tapering 1mg will ease some of my symptoms? Is this possible?
I'm also thinking of starting a liquid tapering which I have already calculated and ready when I feel the time is right. I have read the threads about liquid tapering and I feel comfortable that I know enough.
I wanna start liquid on 15mg which is the dose I'm currently on and then after a week of my body tolerating the liquid citalopram I will start tapering 1mg down.

Now my question is.. Should I wait a bit more before tapering again? What is WD normal anyway? When do I know when I'm ready to taper again?
I'm still struggling with my WD symptoms but I also feel like being on citalopram is hindering me from making progress and healing, WD wise

I really really need help with this. And thank you

-Freja
 

[Freja]

Please, I could really use another persons perspective or opinion. 

[Freja]

STARTED TAPERING:

For a couple months I've considered tapering again. Not just tapering but doing the micro taper, as i've read about here. To hopefully minimise my symptoms when tapering.
This means that I will go from 15 to 14mg. I've made a liquid solution that i've calculated well and carefully, using a syringe.

This is the first day i'm on 14mg of Citalopram, and since I had a free day off work I thought I should just do it today.
I think I know what WDnormal is.. It doesn't feel great or horrible tbh, but its a predictable state where I just feel like crap everyday but I can somehow manage through it.
I really wanted some help regarding tapering, but I also realised that I know myself and my body best. I'll update for the next 2 weeks to see how my symptoms play out :))
Wish me luck please...


Freja

[Freja]

3 weeks since my tapering down from citalopram UPDATE:

 

I promised I would be back with an update so here I am :))

I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind when I first made my liquid suspension of Citalopram. The first 2 days were hell but I realised it was mostly in my mind and not actual symptoms. I was just genuenly so afraid of something going wrong while tapering, since its been over a year since i’ve been trying to stabilize my crashed nervous system.
 

After the two days has passed I havent had a spike in my symptoms. I mean I dont feel great or better but I feel like no new symptoms are returning, and everyday is just like yesterday basically. And even though thats not where I want to be and wanna see improvement, I wanna take this as a good thing still.

 

 

Heres a list of symptoms I have everyday:

 

- dizziness (my worst symptom)

- daily fatique that gets worse if I overwork myself

- muscle weakness

- eye floaters

 

I wanna wait 2 more weeks before I do another taper from 14mg to 13mg.

I’m still waiting for something bad to happen, so Im gonna take my time but oh gosh… I wanna be off this poison so bad

[Canuck19]

That’s great that you’re tapering is going well. Keep us updated how your symptoms are feeling 

[Freja]

On 7/18/2023 at 1:56 AM, Canuck19 said:

That’s great that you’re tapering is going well. Keep us updated how your symptoms are feeling 

Thank you so much for this comment. I’m still doing okay these days, and even though the dizziness is horrible, I have yet to experience any panic attacks and anxiety like symptoms this past week 👍🏻

[Freja]

14mg to 13mg citalopram on August 6th UPDATE:

 

Despite such a small taper i didn't feel good on this taper at all. I can't hold my job, I can't be alone and I'm utterly depressed.
A lot of friends, boyfriend, family and events are what's keeping me sane during these times, but its so hard.
Its like my anxiety is eating away at me and I dont have the powers to do anything about it. I wanna fight so bad tho.. I won't let this be the end of me.

My symptoms are as described:
Chemical Anxiety
horrible depression

extreme fatigue especially in the morning
dizziness and panic attacks


Sleep is no problem tho, and i'm so grateful for that

 

[Jools2816]

@Freja so sorry to hear! I am sure one of the moderators will offer concrete advice. I just wanted to send my warmest thoughts, and I hope you hold on there. I think that working with a therapist (psychologist, counsellor etc) if you have not already, can be extremely helpful to learn how to manage anxiety. Also, self-care such as mindfulness, physical activity etc (there is a self-care leaflet here) can also help. There is not one single thing or a panacea which will take it away completely, but an accumulation effect of all these things can be a game changer. One of the problems is that when we feel like this, we find it extremely hard to do anything, to gather the energy and discipline or motivation to do anything. This creates a vicious cycle that maintains the problem. Small steps, really small, are key. They add up.  I feel I cannot breathe - literally - at times, but taking a walk in the park with the dogs, doing some breathing exercises and eliminating any demands can help a lot. Not a miracle but enough to motivate me to do it again.  Hold on there! 

[Freja]

UPDATE:

 

I'm still not better from my last taper, and symptoms keep changing. As far as I know this is a good sign since it's not lasting forever.
These past 3 weeks I've had nocturnal panic attacks, my heartbeats are rapid, my nerves hurt in a way I cannot explain as well as DR/DP symptoms.
It's not been easy and I haven't been at work that much. This panic seems to come out of nowhere. In the morning even when I'm doing nothing, to when I'm out eating.

It's just really bad, but my emotional symptoms are almost gone. I'm not depressed (considering the circumstances) and I'm just really happy about that.
 

[Freja]

On 9/13/2023 at 1:07 PM, Jools2816 said:

@Freja so sorry to hear! I am sure one of the moderators will offer concrete advice. I just wanted to send my warmest thoughts, and I hope you hold on there. I think that working with a therapist (psychologist, counsellor etc) if you have not already, can be extremely helpful to learn how to manage anxiety. Also, self-care such as mindfulness, physical activity etc (there is a self-care leaflet here) can also help. There is not one single thing or a panacea which will take it away completely, but an accumulation effect of all these things can be a game changer. One of the problems is that when we feel like this, we find it extremely hard to do anything, to gather the energy and discipline or motivation to do anything. This creates a vicious cycle that maintains the problem. Small steps, really small, are key. They add up.  I feel I cannot breathe - literally - at times, but taking a walk in the park with the dogs, doing some breathing exercises and eliminating any demands can help a lot. Not a miracle but enough to motivate me to do it again.  Hold on there! 

Thank you so much for writing in here, I really hope you're doing well, or as well as one can be living with this withdrawal.
I definitely try and do everything I can to feel better. Down to what I'm eating, feeling and thinking. I always wanna improve and be better but with the understand that it'll be better with patience and time.
But of course as we all do, we can get impatient 😅
I do best when I have people around me, and I think I might hold on to that as well.
I wish the best for you, much love

[Freja]

URGENT HELP!!:

 

i need help as soon as possible i dont know what to do. I’m terrified of being hospitalised

 

 

I’ve had panic attacks at night that has kept me from sleeping and it’s getting worse. It’s been 3 months since i’ve tapered 14mg to 13mg of citalopram by water suspension.

i’m so afraid i dont know what to do

[Catina7]

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch @Freja.   Since being around others really helps you, I hope they can give you some extra TLC right now.  Have you ever tried EFT Tapping or acupuncture?  Sometimes they can really help.  Also, soaking in a nice hot Epsom salt bath can really be relaxing.  Another thing too that can help is to not fight the panicky and anxious feelings when they come.  Accept them and just let them be.

 

I hope you feel better soon.  Please know I'm thinking of you!

 

Hugs,

Catina ❤️

[Freja]

On 10/28/2023 at 1:49 PM, Catina7 said:

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch @Freja.   Since being around others really helps you, I hope they can give you some extra TLC right now.  Have you ever tried EFT Tapping or acupuncture?  Sometimes they can really help.  Also, soaking in a nice hot Epsom salt bath can really be relaxing.  Another thing too that can help is to not fight the panicky and anxious feelings when they come.  Accept them and just let them be.

 

I hope you feel better soon.  Please know I'm thinking of you!

 

Hugs,

Catina ❤️

hello and im so sorry for the late reply. I went home to my parents and theyre taking care of me. I’m going to an acupuncture clinic that specializes in withdrawal tomorrow and i’m hoping this might relieve something.

I still wake up panicky but at least im getting a little more sleep now. Still anxious every day despite just being at home. Hoping this passes soon

 

thank u for thinking of me 💕

freja

[Canuck19]

How are you doing now? Hopefully you've stabilized, seems like you were doing a bit better last time. 

 

Are you still doing the water suspension?

[Freja]

5 hours ago, Canuck19 said:

How are you doing now? Hopefully you've stabilized, seems like you were doing a bit better last time. 

 

Are you still doing the water suspension?

 

Hi Canuck, thank you for reaching out for me. I've still not stabilized and only gotten a bit better. That is, not having panic attacks every day.
But i'm still dizzy, feeling unreal, i'm getting depressive symptoms as well.

I'm not stressing myself out or anything, I don't do much day to day. I do go for my daily walk with my parents and dog, but I try to give myself alot of rest. I feel so unlucky.
Yes, I'm still doing the water suspension It's working just fine

Again thank you for checking in
Much love

Freja

[Freja]

Not even sure if anyone will read this, but I do want to keep this as my own journal type thing while i'm recovering from these drugs.

Maybe this is TMI but I got my IUD (Jaydess) removed the 31th of January bc I don't want to have it in anymore. Fearing that it might be destabilizing my nervous system further. Was also very moody and depressed on them.
I'm now 2 weeks IUD free and i'm still doing horrible. Idk if the IUD even did anything but i'm not feeling better what so ever.
Anxiety and dizziness is coming in strong again, depressive symptoms also kick in a lot. Feeling really weak too

I also tapered 0,2ml of citalopram 3 days ago,to see if my body would even have a reaction but it's still the same hell so far so i'll keep taking the 0,2ml out of my water suspension.
ALSO need to clarify that the last time I tapered was in August last year and been trying to stabilize since but theres no difference. I tapered 1ml at that time.