BestIsYetToCome13: risperidone

[BestIsYetToCome13]

In mid May I went into the hospital after 5 days of not being able to sleep, eat or drink. I was taking black currant oil  and fish oil supplements at the time but my problems didn't start until I added the multivatime Alive Max6 Potency. That's when my insomnia started along with my psychosis. I don't have any prior mental health issues or history of issues in my family. Whatever chemicals were in that supplement disturb my biology to the extreme. I was diagnosed as bipolar with mania although I explained that my issues started after taking the supplement. I was in the ward for 11 days or so, the first few days I wouldn't ear or drink. But once I found out I had to take medicine in order to get out is when I started to comply. Weeks passed and I couldn't tell just how drugged I really was. Six weeks into taking 1mg in the day and 2mg at night is when things shifted for the worse. All of the sudden I had insomnia, my thoughts were gone and my feelings as well.The side effects were so bad that I even contemplated suicide as I laid at night unable to think, unable to feel and unable to sleep. I felt dead just staring at the walls waiting for time to pass by.   I quit risperidone cold turkey that day on July 8th. 

 

The next day on July 9th I went to the hospital to get help with the insomnia and to talk about how the medicine made me feel numb. Of course I had to Baker Act myself to receive treatment and I was scared to end up in the ward again. My tests came back Covid positive so I was put in ICU instead, which as bad as it sounds I find it a blessing that the test was positive. For if I had gone back to the ward surely they would have put me on more medicines. At the hospital I got seen by a psychiatrist through video chat who then changed my diagnosis to cannabis induced psychosis and changed my 3mg perscription of Risperdone to 5mg of Abilify. I took the pill only once at the hospital and was impressed that I had some thoughts come back. But upon further research I realized just how bad Abilify is as well.

 

It's been 11 days since I quit cold turkey and my symptoms as of now are anhedonia, slow bowels, and at night when I sleep I can't tell that Im sleeping unless I have a dream. I don't know if it's some type of insomnia but I take 5mg Melatonin at night I feel my body relaxed but my mind is awake. I lay with my eyes closed but can't tell that I am sleeping or that I've slept unless I dream of something. What I have is minimal compared to the many threads I've read on this page. I'm patiently waiting for my emotions to come back and I know it's a matter of time. These pills were slowing everything down inside my body and Im glad I came to my senses and said enough is enough. Thanks to the creator of this website and to the many people that have posted their stories. It gives hope that with time and a good diet healing and recovery is possible. My only question is how do you pass time with anhedonia?

[Frogie]

@BestIsYetToCome13

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping people taper off psychiatric medications, or have tapered off and are now healing.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other members. We ask that you only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

I am so sorry that you went through what you did, but as you said, maybe it was a blessing that you tested positive for covid so you were not put on multiple medications at that point.

 

Did you stop the Multivatime Alive Max6? We have found that most multivitamins contain B Vitamins that cause stimulation to the central nervous system (CNS) in many people. That could have started your insomnia.

 

 

Here is some information you might find useful about how these drugs actually work.  It explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

 

Here is a link for you to read on anhedonia.

 

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness

 

Melatonin is fine to take, but more is not best. It's best to start with 0.3 mg and see if that helps. You could be taking too much.

 

Melatonin

 

After you read these links, please reach out with any questions you may have.

 

 

[BestIsYetToCome13]

I stopped the vitamin as soon as I was taken to the hospital the first time. My body was excreting a certain smell from taking them. My husband said I smelled like sulphur. As far as the melatonin it was prescribed the second time around at the hospital for the insomnia. It seems to help relax my body. The vivid dreaming started the second time I had insomnia and hasn't stopped since then. I lay waiting to sleep but it feels like I go straight to dreaming instead.

[Frogie]

@BestIsYetToCome13

 

I'm glad that you stopped the vitamins. 

 

Here are some links that talk about relaxing and sleeping you might find helpful. Also, try shutting off your tv, phone and computer and hour or two before bed as the blue light can affect your sleep.

 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

 

[BestIsYetToCome13]

It's been about 3 weeks since I quit cold turkey and noticed that I am able to feel sadness and shed tears. I know it is a good sign that emotions are coming back slowly. It feels good to feel something than nothing at all. I've noticed I get headaches when eating inflammatory foods, it happened after eating spaghetti with meatballs and that same night I had racing thoughts. Definitely have to eat less processed foods.

[BestIsYetToCome13]

Officially one month since quitting cold turkey. Had a stomach ache for the first time in months and saw it as a positive sign, body is becoming less numb. Still have slow bowels but it's slowly improving. Emotions are still muted but I feel like they're slowly trying to come back. I find things funny but don't feel the emotion behind it just a muted type feeling. Glad that I am at least  able to feel sadness. I spend my days reading threads and forums related to psychtropic subjects and realized the true reason why it's because my mind is still so quiet and blank. Reading at least puts a dialogue in my mind. Sleep is still complicated, I go straight into lucid dreaming and not really into rest mode. I still miss feeling love, happiness, excitement, pleasure, and joy. Just gotta be patient.

[BestIsYetToCome13]

6 1/2 weeks since CT. This week I've had trouble "sleeping" after not taking melatonin for a week or so. I wanted to see if I could get to "sleep" on my own. Been so depressed lately and crying over wanting to be normal.  I can't "sleep" at all and I'm stuck in some type of insomnia where I go straight into vivid/lucid dreaming and wake up several times hoping that I will dream again. The beginning of this week I had so much mind chatter that I was just laying there for hours on end. I'm so distraught over all of this and wonder if I'll ever sleep normally again. My feelings haven't come back yet and overall I just feel so scared that I will never get to experience a normal life again. Last week or week and half or so I discovered that I could orgasm again. Wasn't a full body orgasm or a full orgasm but it's still progress I guess. I should be happy over this but it just makes me even more depressed remembering what a real orgasm truly feels like.

 

I know psychosis is hard to go through. But I still feel so ungrounded. I don't feel at home in my own body and feel like I don't know what's true reality. What I mean by that is that before all this I was so into spirituality and Reiki and chakras and such, but after this experience I don't know what to believe anymore. What my beliefs should be. I am a mom and I'm having such a hard time just being "human". I'm scared of going through psychosis again, I'm scared of being drugged but I'm scared that I won't feel normal again. I'm tired of not sleeping like a normal person. Tired of not feeling emotions other than sadness. And I'm so tired of my mind not being back for normal. All because I decided to take a tainted supplement. Even after reading the reviews for it and seeing someone comment that it gave them psychosis , I still bought it not knowing what psychosis even meant. What a fool I was and all over vanity.

[BestIsYetToCome13]

8 1/2 weeks since CT. Suicidal ideation has eased up alot since CT. Sometimes I feel confident in that I can get through this but at other times I am ready to give up. Emotions are very much still muted although I feel like they are right under the surface just can't feel them fully. My sleep is still cumbersome, I lay in bed waiting to "dream" since I really don't sleep. I can't sleep in bed with my son and husband, so as soon as I tuck my son in I move to the futon to sleep. This aspect is also depressing that I can't get the comfort of sleep and of cuddling all night with my child. I sleep with ear plugs and sleep mask since I've become a very light sleeper. And I have to sleep on my back with my arms to the side like I'm in a coffin. Other than the anhedonia and the sleep issues I have no other symptoms so I should consider myself lucky. I went on a long walk yesterday for the first time since all of this and wish that I could "feel" nature again, but it was pleasant either way. It's scary to think that a "medicine" could strip you of your essence, soul, and humanity. I should at least feel "happy" that after months of being numb I can finally feel my "chakras" again and get beautiful dreams when I pray to God every night. But I must admit I have a hard time believing that I could live the rest of my life like this if I had to. Living with nothing but neutrality, not feeling happiness or excitement or love ever again. I know we all feel like this at some point or another in our journey. And in 2 months I have seen some progress from being completely numb to lightly "feeling" some things, I am just being impatient I guess. God is the only thing that will carry me through this and I'm glad to have reacquainted myself again after disconnecting for so long.

[BestIsYetToCome13]

I posted this in an FB Group for IUDs and Copper Toxicity.

 

 

Unfortunately I've had the Paraguard IUD for almost half of my life. The first time I got it inserted was in 2007 at the age of 17 after the birth of my first child. Since I was a teen mom I though it was a great option for BC since it lasted for 10 years. I didn't think much of it then but looking back my anger issues could've stemmed from that since I was always known as the calm one. In 2013 I removed it myself in an irrational state of mind and got pregnant that same year. All was well and in 2014 I got it inserted again after my postpartum checkup. I should've noticed the red flag this time around since I fainted upon standing after insertion. From then on out I had irrational moodswings, angry outbursts, physical fights with my partner and just low mood in general. Things got worse this year 2022 when in January I started losing chunks of hair and got Vivid. Before this I attributed my thin hair during my late teens and 20s to giving birth and drinking too much coffee and bad diet. But before the IUD in my teens my hair had always been voluminous and full despite hair dyes etc. In Mid May 2022 is when all hell broke loose. After starting a new vitamin regimen (with a pill that had 100% of daily copper value) I started having insomnia and a drugged feeling whenever I consumed water or food. Needless to say after my mind started racing with thoughts and images and I enetered into panicked flight or fight state of mind, after 5 days of no sleep I entered psychosis and drove out of state fearing for the safety of myself and children. I ended up in a behavioral health Center for 11 days and got put on an antipsychotic. No previous history of mental health problems until I started taking supplements. Overall I Cold Turkey off the antipsychotic in July and have been doing fine ever since. Now I'm slowly recuperating from the AP side effects. The sad part of all this is that this year I've gotten Covid in January and again in July. So it's hard to pinpoint whether my problems were from the IUD, long haul covid, or tainted supplements. 14yrs w/IUD

[BestIsYetToCome13]

Tomorrow it'll be 3 months since CT. I have sent a hair sample for a HTMA test to see if I have any metal toxicities since I want to get to the root cause of my psychosis. And see whether it was copper toxicity related or something else altogether. I also have an appointment to get my Copper IUD removed which I have had a total of almost 15 years, 7 yrs the first time and 8 years the second one.

 

I feel like I am improving but still get depressed from time to time. My emotions are still not as strong as before and I'm still having trouble sleeping. Which I take double strength valerian root tea at night plus Genexa Sleepologu tabs to get a full 8/9hrs of sleep with several wake ups in between. Soon I would love to see if I can sleep on my own but I'm scared to try. I haven't had any other side effects other than sleep issues and blunted emotions so I'm glad about that. I am able to actually watch movies now and get into them which is nice. I hope to continue healing, but I will admit I have my times where Im so scared that I won't heal fully. But I have seen enough of a difference from how things were three months ago so I should remain patient. "Everyday I am healing."

 

[Thorin]

I’m coming off Lurasidone. I was completely numb and felt nothing. Now I almost feel like I feel too much. I promise you the emotions come back but brace yourself for when they do because it can be overwhelming for a while. Totally worth it. Almost feel like I’m going to cry right now 😂. But after not crying for years due to being numb it’s a welcome release and I always feel better afterwards. It’s healing! Try to be patient, it’ll come.

[Jakob66]

@BestIsYetToCome13 how you doing?

[BestIsYetToCome13]

It's been about a month and half since my last post and I must say some very interesting turn of events have taken place. Around the weekend of Oct.15 I attended a Fall Festival held on church grounds. I was so enthralled by the live music and fantasizing how it would feel to have the full range of my emotions back and to "feel" the music. Overall it was a great time with synchronicities at play which I mostly keep to myself. Although I am not sure whether it was that night or the night after I started connecting to my chakras and energy centers again and had the desire to pray to God which is something that I don't really do often. Just then as I am asking God to heal my body so I can feel my emotions and have a healthy mind again, I felt a light/energy of some sort descend into my mind/pineal gland. This is the first time I have ever felt anything like this happen and soon as the light entered my body I heard in my mind "Happy Birthday to  You" song. Perhaps the beginning of auditory hallucinations which I never experienced before or during psychosis. The auditory hallucinations lasted for a month or so and oddly enough were all centered around Spirituality. I kid you not the Ascencion of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine started that following morning and I went through a sequence of both energetically and auditory sequences for almost a month. The mind is so scary/unique/daunting that I went through so much in a month that I know it was part of the antipsychotic withdrawal. Although it was mostly auditory and tactile hallucinations (feeling heavy/negative energy and hearing chit chat and multiple "entities" talk amongst themselves and to me once in a while), I am glad that it was nothing visual. I felt for the most part that I was helping Spirits ascend as well as some frustrating parts that I went through but not once did I feel terrified or afraid. 

I am so happy and glad that for the most part all of that is over for now all I have are random "thoughts" here and there. I am looking forward to the day that my mind/brain is back to a more healthier state. My emotions/feelings are at a better threshhold, even sex/orgasms feel better now  but not at 100% yet. 

 

I never thought I would hallucinate the way I did and for it to last a month or so. I believe in God and Spirits also in psychic mediums, so for awhile I did think that I was telepathically communicating with spirits and helping to do God's work and part of God's Army. But it was all part of this psychosis I experienced from antipsychotic withdrawal. I keep thinking how much things could've gone differently if  I didn't say that prayer. Maybe things would have been alot calmer in my mind as I detoxed, I will never know. So far my sleep is choppy, some days I sleep good and some days I sleep a couple of hours and I lay awake hoping to fall back asleep. The tea still helps with sleep but it varies how many hours of sleep I get when I drink it. It is one of the aspects I hate the most about this ordeal, I wish I could just sleep and rest but instead I go straight into vivid/lucid dreaming and feel like the night just rushes by.  

[BestIsYetToCome13]

I would like to also add that at the end of the month of October I was going through a body purging where I was excreting through my pores a type of odor and teeth were bleeding a lot. I'm sure it was part of the copper toxicity I was experiencing since I still had my IUD at the time. I was bedridden for 4 days straight enough for my husband to be concerned and contemplating on taking me to the ER. I will never know for sure if what I am experiencing/experienced is long haul COVID (confirmed infection in Jan and July of 2022), copper toxicity, or metal toxicity from the supplements that might have made my body detox too fast and deposited some of these metals to my brain. All in all going through the antipsychotic consumption and withdrawal was one of the worse parts of this experience. But despite it all I was able to function for the most part. 2022 was definitely a rollercoaster year. Here's hoping that this new year will be better for both myself and all those that are still suffering.

[BestIsYetToCome13]

Just finished my second hospitalization/Baker Act in less than a year, Symptoms for me start as catatonia and not eating or drinking liquids for days. I start having chitchats in my mind with "Spirits" which then lead to delusions. Also think that my plasma is being farmed to make roxies. I cant get a grip on how to stop it once it starts, but this second time around I got an episode after cold turkeying APs back in July 2022. Since October of 2022 up until recently I was suffering with auditory hallucinations on and off which I thought would cease on their own. Interestingly enough my first episode ever started in late May after experimenting with diet/vitamin supplements which lead me to have insomnia for over a week and a severe anxiety attack which had me drive out of my home state. Other factors in my health play a role, like having a copper IUD for almost 15 years. (Metal toxicity) But I will never know the true cause since I also got Covid twice last year 2022 as well as having a marijuana habit for 10+ years, so it's a mix of factors that lead me to have psychosis for the first time ever. I hope one day to be cured completely and for the root cause to be found. But for now I'm on Haldol which works much better for me than Risperdal did {which led me to CTd in the first place.}

[BestIsYetToCome13]

I am happy to announce that since yesterday I am completely off all antipsychotics. I met with a psychiatrist finally to do preliminary medication management and ruled weed induced psychosis. He got me off the medicine and is only as needed. But as long as I stay away from marijuana I should be fine. Although I'm still having issues with sleep, and can't tell I've slept unless I dream, I am excited to start this drug free journey. 

 

Good luck to all of you.