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Victoria94: polydrugged and desperate - don't know what to do


Victoria94

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17 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

Thankyou so much for your kind words. Honestly this feels like the most defining moment of both our lives. 

It is the defining moment in mine too. And I have a supportive family. Though my wife struggles to understand. So if I can I'd like to help and connect with others.

 

17 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

I have been thinking the same about the Mirtazapine. My instinct about taper is Ashton method is viable due to the duration my partner has been on valium vis a vis a 10% reduction duration. It seems a longer amount of time on this could be more damaging than a 1/2 week reduction. I remain cautious.

From what I have read about benzos, as long as you are not on them super long term and taper slowly you will be fine. In Tyler's case because she has you she will certainly be. I think when she is this acute stabilizing is the priority, and preventing further drugs being added into the mix. I say this but I would just like to get completely off yesterday. I have tried to evaluate whether the Mirtazapine is harming me and, as of now, I don't think it is. It is still uncomfortable though and my symptoms are often very bad.

 

17 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

hey have blind faith in "professionals", have no understanding of pharmacology or medicine and I think they see me as dangerous for doing my own research and utilising resources like this.

 

As for resources you can use to negotiate your way with her family, look for David Healy, Cochrane research, Mad in America and that Danish dude who was with Cochrane before and I can't remember his name.

I will be here to see you through your cross as I have mine on my shoulders to bear.

I will pray for Victoria and for you.

Edited by Karma
Name update

Early December 2021 - Started Metroclopramide (Anti-Emetic) nausea 30mg (10mg 3x day).

Mid December 2021 - Akathisia symptoms start; Metroclopramide gets changed to PRN, taken 5mg, first every other day, then once every 3 days.

Early March 2022 - Akathisia diagnosed; Metroclopramide stopped; started Propranolol 10mg x twice a day to no effect, Biperiden PRN (0.5mg to 1mg).

Early April 2022 - Started Tandospirone 30mg (10mg 3x day), Quetiapine 25mg (only taken once, it skyrocketed symptoms).

Mid April 2022 - Mirtazapine 7.5mg, 10 day window followed. Discontinued Propranolol.

1st of May 2022 - Akathisia symptoms continue, Mirtazapine upped to 15mg. 7 day window followed. Tandospirone cut to 2x 10mg.

20th of May 2022 - Mirtazapine cut back to 11.75mg (3/4 of a 15mg pill).
June 2022 - Mirtazapine updose to 15mg. Tandospirone and Biperiden discontinued. Klonopin started PRN (0.5mg)

Current regimen: Mirtazapine at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, 15mg; Magnesium at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, Klonopin PRN (0.5mg). Waiting to stabilize.

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Is @Victoria94 taking 4mg diazepam per day now? I had suggested reducing ONLY the morning dose to 2mg.

 

On 9/20/2022 at 4:18 PM, Victoria94 said:

Also, how would you proceed with taper? Are you basing it off the logs?

 

Yes.

 

@Victoria94 seems to have quite a dramatic personality.

 

Edited by Karma
Name update

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • Karma changed the title to Victoria94: polydrugged and desperate - don't know what to do
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Is @Victoria94 taking 4mg diazepam per day now? I had suggested reducing ONLY the morning dose to 2mg.

 

 

Yes.

 

@Victoria94 seems to have quite a dramatic personality.

 

 

She is dramatic sometimes yes always has been 😂. We can laugh about some of the things during her windows. I'll try to remove any hyperbole.
 

4mg diazepam total is the new dose. I did ask for clarification on Ashton. I thought you were making another typo. 

 

Thanks

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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image.png

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

image.png

I don't need convincing Alto. They do. "this paper isn't science it is an anecdote" 🤦‍♂️

 


22/09/2022

7:00 restless still cannot stay still
7:30 valium 2mg
9:00 burning sensation in legs not as bad as before, emotionally numb, anxious, depressed
10:00 feel the need to move my legs and body, mental symptoms not as bad
11:00 agitated
12:00 depressed, thought loops, suicidal thoughts
15:00 eat 
16:00 suicidal rumination continues
18:30 feel anger 
19:30 valium 2mg
20:00 still feel really angry not sure why
21:00 eat
22:30 mirtazapine 3.75mg, symptoms calming down as usual
00:00 sleep
01:00 wake up
02:00 restless legs, suicidal thoughts
03:00 continues
05:00 restless legs, stop
05:30 randomly spring out of bed and start pacing
06:00 mental anguish, hit my face partner holding me down, everything everyone ever said to me that's negative playing over and over

 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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@Victoria94 may or may not have to put up with a bumpy symptom pattern because of the rather large 2mg/day reduction in diazepam. This will take a couple of weeks to smooth out.

 

No need to report daily symptom pattern for the next 2 weeks unless something unusual happens.

 

You will need to urge her to stay as calm as possible and stop dramatizing, she's winding herself up unnecessarily. We can't help with problems people make for themselves.

 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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4 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

@Victoria94 may or may not have to put up with a bumpy symptom pattern because of the rather large 2mg/day reduction in diazepam. This will take a couple of weeks to smooth out.

 

No need to report daily symptom pattern for the next 2 weeks unless something unusual happens.

 

You will need to urge her to stay as calm as possible and stop dramatizing, she's winding herself up unnecessarily. We can't help with problems people make for themselves.

 

 

@Altostrata  Her symptoms have ramped up significantly coinciding with the 1mg drop in dose starting to kick in. The pacing is new to me. And especially what I called the bouts of "x" before. 

 

Can you please give me an example so I can just tell her? She doesn't understand.
 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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From what I can see, yesterday's symptom pattern shows a reduction in intensity of symptoms. Which symptoms got worse? Did they get truly worse, or is @Victoria94 resistant to reducing Valium?

 

She did not reduce by 1mg per day, she reduced by 2mg per day. I had suggested reducing only the morning dose:

 

On 9/18/2022 at 5:13 PM, Altostrata said:

....

I suggest @Victoria94 reduce the 12:30 p.m. dose to 2mg Valium.

....

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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32 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

From what I can see, yesterday's symptom pattern shows a reduction in intensity of symptoms. Which symptoms got worse? Did they get truly worse, or is @Victoria94 resistant to reducing Valium?

 

She did not reduce by 1mg per day, she reduced by 2mg per day. I had suggested reducing only the morning dose:

 

 

 

She reduced from 5mg to 4mg per day. She has gone from 2.5mg at 7:30am/7:30pm for a TOTAL of 5mg. To 7:30am and 2mg 7:30pm for a TOTAL of 4mg. Please check the notes I'm very confused. What 12:30pm dose?

Todays notes will be alot different (23/09/22), there is a lag between when I'm posting.

Today (23/09/22) she reported visual disturbances around 2pm that lasted 10 mins. Lights in her vision.

My main concern was the bouts of "x" were far more exaggerated in intensity and duration and pinning her down was alot more difficult. They peaked and valleyed all morning from 5am to 10. Came back around midday went at 01pm. And started again this evening for around 2 hours. She's also not remembering the bouts properly. Again, the pacing is new to me and so is her springing up out of the chair. She is in alot of mental/physical discomfort.

No she wants to get off all the drugs asap. She wants to taper faster than you're suggesting which I am urging against. Please state whatever it is you're thinking clearly to me so I can clear up any misconceptions you have. 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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Signature says 

Quote

August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

 

At what point did @Victoria94 reduce to 5mg?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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Overall, is she feeling better or worse on 4mg per day as compared to 5mg per day?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Worse.

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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Are we overlooking the mirtazapine? 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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In what ways is she worse?

 

I can't tell a damn thing without daily notes.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

In what ways is she worse?

 

I can't tell a damn thing without daily notes.

 

There is a 24 hour lag when I'm posting.
Yesterdays:
23/09/2022

07:00 bout of "x", shaking all over body, mental anguish, terror, feel suicidal, partner holds me down
07:30 2mg Valium
08:00 still really shakey
09:00 bout of "x" pacing around flat from restlessness, "want to get out of my head and skin", get pinned down but trashing around from mental and physical discomfort, begging partner to end my life to make it stop
10:00 restlessness, crying, mental anguish
10:20 bout of "x" occurs, mental anguish, can't stop moving
11:20 "x" continues, thrashing, trying to get up randomly, partner pins me down trying to scratch my skin, screaming, telling partner I want to die
12:00 bout of "x" calming down, restless legs
12:25 calmer, burning sensation in legs and arms, when I close my eyes I can see warped faces
12:45 popping sensation in my head
13:30 restless legs, thought loops, rumination
14:30 restless legs, thought loops, rumination
15:00 visual disturbance - lights in my vision
15:05 passes

16:00 eat a meal
18:00 very mentally distressed, agitated, anxious
19:00 continues
19:30 2mg Valium
20:00 crying, suicidal thoughts
22:30 3.75 mirtazapine
23:00 feel blank
00:00 continues
01:00 go to bed, sleep

02:30 wake up, shaking
03:00 restless legs, suicidal thoughts, thought loops
06:00 restless legs, suicidal thoughts, thought loops

 

Today (24/09/2022) she is alot better. The "activation" seems much less intense and she had a window of 3 hours. Correlates with the drop in dose on the 19th? I can post the notes tomorrow if you'd like. Or give you what looks like a much needed break and just check in if anything unusual happens. However long you'd like.
 
Thanks Alto. 

 


 


 

 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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6 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

Today (24/09/2022) she is alot better. The "activation" seems much less intense and she had a window of 3 hours.

Windows are absolute gold, remind her of them whenever she's desperate. That's what I do to myself. I scrupulously note any times without activation/agitation/akathisia so I can look back and find comfort when things are bad.

 

Praying for you guys;

 

Early December 2021 - Started Metroclopramide (Anti-Emetic) nausea 30mg (10mg 3x day).

Mid December 2021 - Akathisia symptoms start; Metroclopramide gets changed to PRN, taken 5mg, first every other day, then once every 3 days.

Early March 2022 - Akathisia diagnosed; Metroclopramide stopped; started Propranolol 10mg x twice a day to no effect, Biperiden PRN (0.5mg to 1mg).

Early April 2022 - Started Tandospirone 30mg (10mg 3x day), Quetiapine 25mg (only taken once, it skyrocketed symptoms).

Mid April 2022 - Mirtazapine 7.5mg, 10 day window followed. Discontinued Propranolol.

1st of May 2022 - Akathisia symptoms continue, Mirtazapine upped to 15mg. 7 day window followed. Tandospirone cut to 2x 10mg.

20th of May 2022 - Mirtazapine cut back to 11.75mg (3/4 of a 15mg pill).
June 2022 - Mirtazapine updose to 15mg. Tandospirone and Biperiden discontinued. Klonopin started PRN (0.5mg)

Current regimen: Mirtazapine at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, 15mg; Magnesium at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, Klonopin PRN (0.5mg). Waiting to stabilize.

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3 hours ago, PortugueseSea said:

Windows are absolute gold, remind her of them whenever she's desperate. That's what I do to myself. I scrupulously note any times without activation/agitation/akathisia so I can look back and find comfort when things are bad.

 

Praying for you guys;

 

My partner said thank you so much. Shes had a bad morning and this really helped distract her for a minute

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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24/09/2022

06:00 depressed, suicidal rumination
07:00 restless, thought loops
07:30 valium 2mg
10:00 minor bout of "x", passes quickly
11:20 intense bout of "x", thrashing, trying to get up, trying to scratch my skin, partner pins me down
12:00 bout of "x" calming down, restless legs
12:25 calmer, burning sensation in legs and arms, when I close my I get flashes eyes I can see warped faces
12:45 popping sensation in my head
13:30 restless legs
15:00 bout of "x, thrashing, mental anguish, 
15:30 calmed down, restless
16:00 eat a sandwich 
19:00 negative thought loops slowing down
19:30 valium 2mg
20:30: window, thought loops, suicidal rumination are gone
22:00 window continues, suicidal rumination there but its quiet
22:30 3.75mg mirtazapine
23:00 slightly restless legs
00:00 able to concentrate on a book
01:00 sleep
05:00 wake up, depressed, suicidal rumination 
06:00 continues

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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18 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

Correlates with the drop in dose on the 19th?

 

Possibly. If this is so, her adverse symptoms will continue to get milder.

 

Please continue to post daily notes.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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9 hours ago, Victoria94 said:

able to concentrate on a book


Might seem minor but I think it’s huge; it’s a sign of stabilization. Hopefully, we will see more of this.

 

Sleep isn’t too broken either, 4 hours is a start…

 

I love reading but books are still a bridge too far for me.

 

 

Early December 2021 - Started Metroclopramide (Anti-Emetic) nausea 30mg (10mg 3x day).

Mid December 2021 - Akathisia symptoms start; Metroclopramide gets changed to PRN, taken 5mg, first every other day, then once every 3 days.

Early March 2022 - Akathisia diagnosed; Metroclopramide stopped; started Propranolol 10mg x twice a day to no effect, Biperiden PRN (0.5mg to 1mg).

Early April 2022 - Started Tandospirone 30mg (10mg 3x day), Quetiapine 25mg (only taken once, it skyrocketed symptoms).

Mid April 2022 - Mirtazapine 7.5mg, 10 day window followed. Discontinued Propranolol.

1st of May 2022 - Akathisia symptoms continue, Mirtazapine upped to 15mg. 7 day window followed. Tandospirone cut to 2x 10mg.

20th of May 2022 - Mirtazapine cut back to 11.75mg (3/4 of a 15mg pill).
June 2022 - Mirtazapine updose to 15mg. Tandospirone and Biperiden discontinued. Klonopin started PRN (0.5mg)

Current regimen: Mirtazapine at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, 15mg; Magnesium at bedtime for akathisia/sleep/anxiety/depression, Klonopin PRN (0.5mg). Waiting to stabilize.

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25/09/2022

06:15 depressed, suicidal rumination

06:30 wired
06:50 bout of "x", intense, thrashing around  restless legs
07:15 bout of "x" involuntary thrashing, strong compulsion to kill myself to end the mental anguish partner pins me down, feels like head will explode, trying to catch my breathe
07:45 take Valium 2mg
08:00 still in and out of "x",
09:35 bout of "x" increases in intensity -trembling all over followed by thrashing, excruciating pain in my head, horrible images when i close my eyes, beg partner to let me end my life
09:00 "x" continues on and off
11:00 "x" stops, feel blank
12:00 "x" starts again, involuntary thrashing, want to tear of skin, excruciating pain in head, want to die, off and on for 3 hours
15:35 "x" turns into headache, exhausted
16:00 headache continues
17:07 depressed, suicidal rumination
19:30 Valium 2mg headache continues 
20:00 depressed, suicidal rumination, headache stops
21:00 eat
22:30 mirtazapine 3.75mg
23:00 no restless legs this time, just depression, exhausted from being stuck in and out of bouts of "x" all morning
01:00 bed

03:00 suicidal thoughts, rumination

04:00 sleep

04:30 wake up, restless, suicidal thoughts, rumination

06:00 increasingly restless, agitated

 

Alto, I managed to catch her thoughts this morning (26/09/2022) before the akathisia like symptoms took over. When her restless legs would start I would ask which thought is bothering her. We would talk it through, the restless legs would calm down. I left the room at another point, and she was highly agitated when I returned, kicking her legs. I asked which thought is bothering her - she said six thoughts really fast. I told her she was safe, asked her to focus on her breath which calmed her down, and asked which thought was bothering her. She then named one thought, and we talked it through - the kicking legs became restless legs and calmed down again. @PortugueseSea I don't know if this technique may help you.

 

It's like a cog that is already spinning too fast. The thoughts being another cog driving it. The faster they both spin, the more pain that is experienced. 

 

 I am honestly blown away by how painful it is for people to go through this when it's reaches overdrive. 

Should be easier to gauge the activation now. (26/09/2022) notes to follow tomorrow.

 

Thanks, Alto. 

May 19th - 25mg Sertraline May 27th- 50mg Sertraline
May 30th - 50mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), Zopiclone 7.5mg June 10th - 25mg Sertraline, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am,pm), 15mg Zopiclone
June 15th - Stopped Sertraline, Started Venlafaxine 75mg, 12mg Diazepam (6mg am/pm), 7.5mg Zopiclone July 21st - Stopped venlafaxine cold turkey, 4mg diazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone
July 28th - Started 7.5mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium, stopped Zopiclone August 15th - increased 15mg mirtazapine, 3mg valium
August 19th - mirtazapine 7.5mg, 3mg valium August 22nd - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 3mg valium
August 26th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 8mg valium 
August 29th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 6mg valium

September 1st - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 5mg valium  September 19th - Mirtazapine 3.75mg, 4mg valium

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