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☼ My Story by riley97


riley87

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Hey there, I just wanted to put my story here and see if anyone had encouraging words for me. I've been off of Lexapro since September 2010, and it has been one hell of a ride. I was only on for about 9 months, and now I'm about 22 months removed from the stuff. So, I endured really tough withdrawal for the first six months after the CT, and at that point my sleep began to improve and my depression/anxiety/DP/intrusive thoughts began to subside. Months 6 thru 12 also showed improvement, and by month 12 after my CT, I was feeling like I was on a trajectory to feeling 'normal'. Months 12 thru 17 were good, I was feeling confident and feeling like I was getting back to normal. However, I dipped into what seems like a bad wave in month 18 thru present. I am again dealing with depression/intrusive thoughts/bad anxiety/inability to relax/etc that feels like initial withdrawal. I was so excited to get back to my normal self in the window and so this wave has really brought me to my knees. Anyone have any words of encouragement for me? This will get better in time, right? Thanks.

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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Welcome, riley.

 

What you're describing is very common, especially with cold-turkeys and too-fast tapers. Recovery/healing from these meds is notoriously non-linear.

 

These waves become shorter, less frequent, and less severe overall with time. But very disconcerting when they happen.

 

Are you taking anything new - even supplements or over-the-counter meds, or have there been any other lifestyle changes (change in diet, etc.)?

I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants

 

I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over.

 

My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can.

 

If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343

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Thanks for the response. I take Omega3s and a multivitamin and try to exercise daily. I've done lots of CBT work and use it on the withdrawal thoughts, and I also try to meditate. I have good friends, a good job, and any normal person would be incredibly happy. Also, I wasn't given meds for depression--I was on them for panic attacks, which now don't even happen to me. I'm just really hoping this will resolve with time, even though I can't even imagine feeling better.

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Administrator

Welcome, riley.

 

Good questions, Brandy.

 

Also, if you've made any big changes in your life that are stressful, that could cause a flare-up of symptoms. It's important to keep stress low as a permanent lifestyle, don't take your recovery for granted.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Altostrata, I just recently moved but that was after I started feeling crappy. I was not under a lot of stress when the wave hit, and I haven't been under that much stress for the last couple years. However, my stress tolerance has been super low for the last couple years, but did get better for a while. But in this wave it has gotten really low.

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Administrator

Well, baby your nervous system, it's been through a lot.

 

See our Symptoms and Self-care section for ideas.

 

Maybe meditation?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Also, I wasn't given meds for depression--I was on them for panic attacks, which now don't even happen to me. I'm just really hoping this will resolve with time, even though I can't even imagine feeling better.

 

I totally understand! I was put on paxil to address protracted withdrawal from an insanely fast w/d from a very large dose of benzos that I've been on most of my life for seizure disorder (epilepsy). I was not depressed (except circumstantially about how the benzo w/d was affecting my life and wanting so badly to get back to the things I love doing) when I was put on it.

 

But I did develop clinical depression (along with other symptoms including cognitive problems) once I went off the paxil, ironically.

 

For some reason some symptoms clear up much faster than others, and apparently can flare up again as the body continues healing. The entire neuroendocrine system is affected by these meds and therefore the recovery. There is a varying state of flux for some time with many of us, but you will get better.

 

I urge you not to be tempted to take other psych meds to address it. This generally just adds to the state of flux and make things worse over the long run.

 

Feel free to post here whenever you need support. Believe me, people here will understand. Everyone's w/d is different, but we take very seriously how "illogical" our conditions can seem as the body is working on recovering.

I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants

 

I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over.

 

My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can.

 

If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343

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  • 3 years later...

Hi guys,

 

Let me preface this with the fact that I have been in good to great shape mentally for a while now. I can remember writing that I was recovered (my name was schwanke) at around Jan 2013 I think. And for the most part I HAVE been recovered - I've had so many fun moments and great times after going through absolute hell that I'm SUPER fortunate and grateful.

 

HOWEVER, I wanted to come on here for just a little support. So I moved about a month ago to a new city and it was (and has been) pretty stressful. I really pushed myself to the limit to make this move happen - cleaning up a house that I bought in the old city to prep for renters, then moving all of my stuff pretty much by myself. I got through that pretty well and surprised myself with how much I did. I was feeling good, and proud of myself. Fast forward a few weeks later and I'm swamped in new bills from a car breakdown and a VERY stressful week in my new job - all while being in a new place with hardly any friends. 

 

Long story short, I started feeling the ol' wavey symptoms creep back in. Now, I don't actually remember my last one - it's been a long time. It sucks. But I can tell it's not as bad as it used to be. It's similar stuff, perhaps milder, than it was: irritability, depressive thoughts, difficult to relax, anxiety. It's been going on for a week now (my weekend was pretty good, it more or less subsided for a couple days) but now it's back on Monday. 

 

I'm a little shaken by it but I'm telling myself this is part of the big picture healing process. And, for me, after most waves came greater healing. BUT I think I may have induced this wave with all the stress - which I was, at first, surprised at myself for handling so well. Suppose it caught up with me. 

 

I know I'm pretty far out (5 years or so) but don't be alarmed folks. I guess what I'm asking for is a little support and reassurance that this will pass, because as I said before, I'm a little shaken by it - it's been so long.

 

Thanks all!

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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Hi guys,

 

Let me preface this with the fact that I have been in good to great shape mentally for a while now. I can remember writing that I was recovered (my name was schwanke) at around Jan 2013 I think. And for the most part I HAVE been recovered - I've had so many fun moments and great times after going through absolute hell that I'm SUPER fortunate and grateful.

 

HOWEVER, I wanted to come on here for just a little support. So I moved about a month ago to a new city and it was (and has been) pretty stressful. I really pushed myself to the limit to make this move happen - cleaning up a house that I bought in the old city to prep for renters, then moving all of my stuff pretty much by myself. I got through that pretty well and surprised myself with how much I did. I was feeling good, and proud of myself. Fast forward a few weeks later and I'm swamped in new bills from a car breakdown and a VERY stressful week in my new job - all while being in a new place with hardly any friends. 

 

Long story short, I started feeling the ol' wavey symptoms creep back in. Now, I don't actually remember my last one - it's been a long time. It sucks. But I can tell it's not as bad as it used to be. It's similar stuff, perhaps milder, than it was: irritability, depressive thoughts, difficult to relax, anxiety. It's been going on for a week now (my weekend was pretty good, it more or less subsided for a couple days) but now it's back on Monday. 

 

I'm a little shaken by it but I'm telling myself this is part of the big picture healing process. And, for me, after most waves came greater healing. BUT I think I may have induced this wave with all the stress - which I was, at first, surprised at myself for handling so well. Suppose it caught up with me. 

 

I know I'm pretty far out (5 years or so) but don't be alarmed folks. I guess what I'm asking for is a little support and reassurance that this will pass, because as I said before, I'm a little shaken by it - it's been so long.

 

Thanks all!

Congrats on your 99% recovery.

 

Just hang in there and give it some time, your central nervous system will calm down and you'll be fine.

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Thanks oskcajga, 

 

Just when I get like this I have intrusive thoughts telling me it won't get better, how ya gonna live like this, etc, etc. I know it's garbage but still. 

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm with Oskcajga on this.  I think you probably overloaded yourself with stress and are feeling it.  I recommend some exercise and find ways to soothe yourself - listen to music (upbeat stuff), go for a massage, catch up with people ...   whatever contributes positively to your wellbeing

 

You'll be Ok

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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it does sound like stress was a contributing factor in this "late wave".  You will get through it as you have done in the past. Try to remember the windows / good times and draw from their energy.

 

Namaste.

1997 - 2001 Seroxat 10mg

2001 - 2013 Escitalopram 10mg

Gradual taper from 10mg to 5mg over 2.5 years (between 2011 - 2013)

Last taper from 5mg to 0 under advice from doctor done in 1 month (too damn fast!) - included missing out days.

Have been drug free since Oct 2013.  - Yep 5 years drugs free

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This brings up an interesting point I haven't seen mentioned but wondered about myself. That being increased stress triggering waves. Maybe I've missed this being discussed but for me that seemed to be the trigger for the current situation I'm going through.

 

riley87 - The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was how amazing you were to do everything you mentioned. You accomplished alot in the move, new job etc. Anyone would feel some lingering stress from so much happening at once. Consider how far you've come from your first WD to the point you're able to do the things you're doing now. Remember not to judge your situation or yourself when your mind is a bit clouded by this wave. We're all more capable than we think ourselves to be.

 

You'll settle into new routines I'm sure that will become like clockwork and no doubt your circle of friends will grow.

You're going to be great!

Lexapro four times in the last ten years. Each time 6 month use. Two week taper.

Lexapro 20mg August 2014 until Feb 28 2015. Two week taper

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  • Administrator

Hi, riley. Thank you for coming back and letting us know how you're doing. I merged your Intro topics.

 

Too bad it was a wave -- but, you know, this too shall pass. It seems you're out of the woods.

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks all - it's been ebbing and flowing in intensity which is a good sign in itself I think. It's almost like every other day is a better day. And yeah, altostrata, I did write a recovery story for the other site a year or so ago, i'll see if I can find it in my email somewhere and eventually repost it here. 

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • 4 months later...

Hi guys. OK. I'm back. 

 

Update: this fall has been up and down for after that wave in August I wrote about above. It's been OK with good weeks and not so good weeks but manageable. Been a CBT ninja to fight off anxiety and dumb thoughts, but for some reason some of the thoughts persisted underneath (this will never get better, how will you get through life like this - EVEN THOUGH I FELT OK) and the anxiety would fluctuate but eventually bubbled over the last few weeks. Now I'm at a point that feels like withdrawal again - can't relax, tension, can't sleep, feel like I'm stuck, repetitive thoughts all day, BAD anxiety, ringing ears, low stress tolerance. Been waking up like this for the last 2 weeks or so. I understand this may well be anxiety induced. During the day I go up and down with feeling good but still anxious to feeling bad and really anxious. I know that it'll pass but I'm frustrated. Just need a few good thoughts.

 

Can you guys point me in the direction of any other peeps with trouble this far out? Thanks so much. 

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Administrator

Thanks for checking in, riley. Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch.

 

Have you had a course of antibiotics or other drugs recently? This can stir things up in a nervous system that's healing. Yes, it can take many years.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks Alto.

 

It's important to note that I've been well for some time before this with little to no anxiety or bad thoughts for extended periods of time. Whatever this rough patch is, it's hitting me hard right now. I've been taking it easy - trying to be very low stress, going to bed early, deep breathing, positive self talk. I also take fish oil and have been for some time. Thanks for the words. 

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Riley , nice to read the latest update of your journey , even though it's not the happiest.

 

Stuart Shipko  talks a little about stress as a trigger for symptom re-emergence , though he's talking about people with a far shorter time off drugs than you.

 

Hope it passes for you soon.

 

bw ,  Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi guys. 

So I'm feeling better today but last week was a nightmare. I couldn't sleep at all, anxiety through the roof, instrusive thoughts on repeat, couldn't relax. Was considering taking meds again. 

 

Today I'm feeling more like myself but I'm like WTF? How can this be happening so far out? I'm asking the ol' question constantly - is this me now or the drugs? 

 

I got better for a while, this is true. Can anyone help point me in the direction of any other late wavers? Thanks

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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I know I'd read where some people were still having problems 7 yrs out but can't remember names.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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btdt is 8 yrs. out and still not recovered.

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25.

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  • 3 weeks later...

hi riley, how are you doing?

there are some people i've read about over the years that had relapses after they were doing much better. the good news is i believe they all improved after their relapses. aeroman had a relapse after he healed after taking the antibiotic cipro. i read someone else had a relapse after running a marathon. my doctor told me about a patient who had a relapse after having surgery, most likely from the anesthesia. I'm not educated enough in this field to know why relapses happen when the CNS seems to be healed, but it seems like relapses are common. i just hope they are a grand finale!

on 37.5 - 50mg zoloft/sertraline for GAD from 3/1996 to 4/2013 (17 years) 

too fast taper from 1/13-4/13

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Hi guys. 

So I'm feeling better today but last week was a nightmare. I couldn't sleep at all, anxiety through the roof, instrusive thoughts on repeat, couldn't relax. Was considering taking meds again. 

 

Today I'm feeling more like myself but I'm like WTF? How can this be happening so far out? I'm asking the ol' question constantly - is this me now or the drugs? 

 

I got better for a while, this is true. Can anyone help point me in the direction of any other late wavers? Thanks

Hi this is how it goes for some of us.  If your still taking fish oil maybe lowering the dose or stopping it for a time would be a good idea.  I have found I can't take it all the time I have no idea why I am different than most.  Magnesium is helpful to me but same story with that I take it a tiny amount when I feel stressed... I grind it in the coffee grinder and take a bit of the powder I use 300mg mag citrate ground up ...only tiny amounts.  When I last took a whole pill I could not get off the couch for the wkend.  I don't want to risk a rebound type thing and I have no idea why I react to mag as I do I just do. 

Taurine I played with a bit again a tiny amount of a 500mg of now taurine... ok at times when I feel like I have had too much coffee... other times I don't like how it makes me feel. 

 

Now for none drug ways... 

epson salt baths increases the magnesium in your body some of us have a better response to mag thru the skin the salts is not actually salt but magnesium... soaks the dead skin off your feet too and makes them soft so if you don't like how the bath fees try a foot soak ... great for body pain and jumpy legs too 

 

deep relaxation I swear by this one 

however you can get there for a time I could not stand much in the way of sound so I listened to a cd of ocean waves with a heating pad on my spine... it really helped and was the first solid bit of healing and peace I ever had.  

( the heating pad on the spine or any source of heat is suppose to increase the noripinephrine in your body/brain according to an article I read in a science journal ages ago... all I know is it helps me.  

Some times I will put the heat on the spine and cold pack on my neck sounds odd but great for a head ache with body pain. 

 

Stopping the thoughts old trick I got from the power of now... 

 

stop and focus intently on your next thought watch for it wait for it like your waiting for the sight of the love of your life I think the focus is a strong part of this... 

as soon as a thought comes vanquish it and go back to waiting... this stopped the run on subconscious part of the brain from doing the remote torture it has been so well trained to do... it really worked for me after a time of practise it worked like a charm.  Good to do before you really need it if you know what I mean but if you learn of it when you really need it like I did it still works it just needs more effort and is more difficult to do. 

 

When I get hit with a bad spot I turn off the news... who needs it even tv commercials for movies or other shows with negative plots I mute them... and tend to stay away from those channels completely... all those things are playing against you... avoid like the plague same for video games if you happen to be a player.... 

 

I believe that the subconscious brain does not know the difference between real and tv... so it takes in all that nonsense as real and reacts accordingly... if you play a war game all day ... YOU WILL NOT SLEEP... well I would not sleep I can't even be in the room where others are playing it 

 

I too can be good for a time then fall off the rails it is what it is... I keep waiting and hoping one day it will just settle and stay that way.  

 

Tapping I still do this sometimes tho when I first found it I was at my worst... I will send links to tapping and my fav relaxation video... hope it is of some service to you. 

 

here is my man for tapping this one is for depression there are others for anxiety ect

 

 

my relaxation fav

 

wow when I started with this it hardly had any views now 5 million can't be completely wrong :)

 

most of all I wish you peace... peace is the prize in my book... the rest is gravy... first I need peace.  

peace to you riley 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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I avoid chemicals and scents as they make me sick this may be part of why it has taken me so long to heal I can't say... no fluoride in my tooth paste perfume or scented cleaning products NO MSG

 

For a good long spell I had to go to bed after a shower my eyes were read heart pounding and I was fatigued beyond belief when I stopped using perfumed shampoo this eased... it is not just the perfume as I have used some unscented products that still bothered me and were a waste of my money.  I avoid all insecticides and chemicals that I can. For me nature clean soap and shampoo has meant I don't avoid getting clean now as it doesn't make me ill like it use to.  

 

I was not like this before wd I was the perfume make up and hair dye queen... I have thrown out a few thousand dollars worth of product including some very expensive perfumes... I can't have them around me I am that sensitive to them. 

 

I have listened to an article that was suppose to be about autism it was called tilt at the very end they discuss chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia being caused by chemicals... oddly I had a dx of fibro after being on prozac all can be found here if you want to look prozac and fibro... now this lady who is a phd in enviromental medicine .. pulls it all together the chemicals as the source of fibro multiple chemical sensitivities all of it here

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11355-tilt-includes-fibro-and-multiple-chemical-sensitivity/

 

Toxicant Induced Loss of Tolerance TILT - C Miller, MD, PhD

The idea is that there is one chemical that bottoms out your system and all the rest keep it off centre I really don't care what they call it and what I have to do to fix it ... I just want it all to stop and apparently if you stop the chemical onslaught in time healing will come. 

 

I know this may not have any part in your problem but one never can tell I may be an odd duck here but who knows for sure. It surely can't hurt to avoid all the chemicals that you can. 

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Thanks for all the info, btdt. I'm trying to hang in there. I'm doing meditation every day, fish oil, and magnesium. I've been having better moments. My sleep has been getting slightly better.

 

 This (whatever this was) was intense though. I went fully numb for a while, lost sexual ability, didn't sleep more than 3 hours a night for 2 weeks or so. All because anxiety and anxious thoughts that spiraled out of control. They are the same thoughts that fueled my withdrawal problems and the same ones that come up when my body is in a state of severe stress. Thoughts I NEVER had before SSRIs. My mind goes crazy thinking of all the time left in my life and convinces itself that it's gonna be this same cycle of hardship day after day after day after day, week after week, weekend after weekend for 50 years. It's obsessive and I can't shake it. My core knows this not to be true and I fight them off with CBT and I really do love life at my core and always have. That's why they freak me out so much. The thoughts seem to always come AFTER the CNS goes into a perpetual fight or flight. And I know for a fact my CNS is and has been altered by drugs to be less resilient. When I've managed to calm it down for long periods is when I'm relatively normal - but still not fully normal - I'm touchy and still get stressed easily. 

 

For what it's worth, there were a good 2 years where I would come back to these forums and be like, wow, those were weird times, glad I'm over that. Haha.

Anyway. That's my update. Still moving forward.

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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Also FWIW my blood panel showed that my testosterone is insanely low. Not sure if that plays into this at all - what's y'all's take on testosterone therapy?

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • 4 months later...

Quick update: I'm doing better and getting a better outlook. I've meditated seriously twice a day for the last 5 months, exercised every day, deep breathing all day long, constant positive reading and affirmations. Retraining my brain. I think this has been more of a spiritual battle and getting back to being human - trying to be connected with others and with earth. I'm not the hippy dippy type but I was devoid of good emotions for so long and now that they are somewhat back, I'm re-teaching myself that the world is a safe place with a safe future and a place full of comfort and love. I believe the years of stress and not taking the time to truly take care of my mind and body caught up with me and my mind and body were screaming for me to change. I think the body needs to change along with the mind - and to do that one needs to re-teach it over a long period of time. The more the body relaxes and the more trauma and negativity is released, the more the mind slows down and eventually more and more clarity and peace take over. For me anyway. 

 

I'm not 100% but I can see myself getting there. 

Off meds (Lexapro / Zoloft) since Nov 2010 after being on them for a half a year or so. Really messed me up.

 

Pretty close to full recovery at about Jan/Feb 2013, with occasional waves since.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Beautiful Riley - that encourages me to meditate more, rather than just in 'emergencies'!  You've really put so much into your healing, and it sounds like it is paying off. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Quick update: I'm doing better and getting a better outlook. I've meditated seriously twice a day for the last 5 months, exercised every day, deep breathing all day long, constant positive reading and affirmations. Retraining my brain. I think this has been more of a spiritual battle and getting back to being human - trying to be connected with others and with earth. I'm not the hippy dippy type but I was devoid of good emotions for so long and now that they are somewhat back, I'm re-teaching myself that the world is a safe place with a safe future and a place full of comfort and love. I believe the years of stress and not taking the time to truly take care of my mind and body caught up with me and my mind and body were screaming for me to change. I think the body needs to change along with the mind - and to do that one needs to re-teach it over a long period of time. The more the body relaxes and the more trauma and negativity is released, the more the mind slows down and eventually more and more clarity and peace take over. For me anyway. 

 

I'm not 100% but I can see myself getting there. 

 

Glad to hear you're feeling better!  :)

Paxil 20mg 1994-2005
Tried to quit twice, finally did it on my 3rd attempt in 2005.

I went from 20mg to zero in about four months, believing at the time that it was a reasonable taper.  It wasn't.  I suffered mostly emotional symptoms: frequent episodes of "anxious depression" lasting for about 17 months before it got noticeably better.

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