StayHopeful

[StayHopeful]

Hello,

 

My situation began when I developed an eating disorder after gaining a lot of weight in High School. I didn't have much support from my relatives growing up and was emotionally neglected. I was taught to just deal with "It", no matter what the "It" was, without guidance. Due to that mentality, I was able to hide my disorder for a long time, no one noticed or cared. I didn't consider myself depressed when I lost all the weight, and it became my self-esteem.

 

When I was in my early 20's, I got married and moved away, I couldn't hide it anymore, and decided to get help. I went to a local psychiatrist, and he immediately prescribed Prozac to "help me" stop and suggested a counselor. At first the Prozac helped, I'd get upset and literally two mins later, I couldn't remember why. I saw my counselor, but it was just rehashing the past or current problems, no advice on how to work it out, accept and heal.

 

After gaining 15 pounds, I resumed my disorder. I didn't realize at the time, that nothing was working. My family moved to another state, I was still on Prozac and only had a general physician (GP). As the years went on, medicines were changed, and my disorder continued. After 9 years on meds, I stopped the eating disorder. Then, while working a job that was very stressful (cold marketing), I was referred to a psychiatrist, who also prescribed Xanax prn for anxiety and finally Seroquel for insomnia.

 

My psych kept upping my dose of Seroquel because the insomnia would come back (tolerance). I had side effects with the medications I was on long term (Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, and Seroquel), but because I was on some of them at different times, I didn't realize it. I had restless legs, neuropathy, muscle and joint pain, irregular heartbeat, high eye pressure, clenching/grinding my teeth, binge drinking, anxiety, mood swings, aggression, insomnia and chronic pain - none of which I had before taking the meds.

 

Each time I saw my GP, I was told that it was a new malady - an autoimmune disorder, neuropathy disorders, fibromyalgia, extreme stress, etc... So, I was given other drugs on top of the antidepressants. I was not advised, about weight gain on Lexapro (not good for a history of an eating disorder), so when I gained 30 pounds from it, I relapsed my disorder 14 years after I'd quit - no weight came off, so I stopped the disorder again 6 months later, for good.

 

A couple years later, I wanted to come off of the antidepressants, I asked my psych for a trial run of quitting, I was told "No, you could relapse and make things worse". I reluctantly stayed on them. Three years after that, my psychiatrist was fired/let go (or so I was told) and moved out of the area. There was no warning, and I was almost out of meds, I only found out because I called for my next refill appt, and my psych had already been gone for a month! I was lucky enough to have his office give me a month's worth of my meds until I could find another psych (which I have not done).

 

Suddenly, I was terrified it could happen again, so I decided to go off them. A few years before, I switched to a new general physician. I was on 40mg Lexapro and 800mg Seroquel. I knew if I went cold turkey, it could be bad, so I began my taper.

     

The Lexapro, I tapered 30 pills took me about 2 months, concurrently with the Seroquel, which I tapered at the same time, 60 pills, took me almost 8 months. I have been off all meds for 3 months now. The withdrawal from the Lexapro wasn't bad, just the brain zaps, but that could be because the Seroquel was still in my system - I was lucky. During the first 3 months of the Seroquel taper, I felt ok, some rumination, self-doubt, and insomnia. I even had a period of feeling great (I know now I was hypomanic), I'd stabilize and then go down more. Once I reached 12mg, about 3 1/2 months in, the withdrawal symptoms started and progressively built on each other until I stopped my taper. I started having anxiety, anhedonia, irritation, dread, tooth and jaw pain, anger, memory gaps/loss, confusion. At 6mgs I had a severe panic attack 8-hours long, felt like I was going to die, my husband helped me calm down.

 

I saw my new GP, told her what I'd done and got immediate support. She gave me a prescription for 5 pills of Klonopin .5mg. (I haven't had to use any). I was having adrenaline surges, I couldn't watch thrillers/scary movies or the news, or drive my car, or go anywhere by myself. I stayed at 6mg for a month to stabilize. At 3mgs I was still having adrenaline surges, then heart palpitations, acne and vesicles on my upper body. My emotions were everywhere, crying, anger, anhedonia, catastrophizing, and rumination. I stayed at 3mg for a month then, when I calmed a bit, finally stopped altogether. 

 

I've been educated quite a bit since finding this site a month ago, it's been a Godsend. I'm always looking up symptoms and reading other's experiences, and this has helped me more than anything.  Looking back, I should have tapered slower (I didn't know), and I try not to worry or be scared about the consequences of not doing that. I know everyone's experience is different and I'm hopeful, but on guard.

 

Being three months out, although some of the symptoms have calmed down greatly, I'm still experiencing them, some acute and a few new weird ones. Waves and windows happen from time to time and I'm in a window right now.  Good things... Most of the side effects that I had while on the drugs - restless legs, neuropathy, muscle and joint pain, binge drinking, and chronic pain, are gone so far, they disappeared during the taper. I also lost all of the weight I gained on the Lexapro once I stopped it, without even trying. Thank you, sincerely, to everyone who has shared their experiences, for your knowledge and for a place to tell my story.

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by ChessieCat
added spacing

[StayHopeful]

I wanted to add to my initial introduction. Though my dates of being prescribed a medication and duration of use are correct, my timelines may be off by a little with events. I'm trying to be as accurate as I can, but my brain is still a little foggy, I have trouble concentrating (it takes a little bit for information or thoughts to "sink in") and I have gaps in my memory still. Is there anything else I need to add to it, or change, for it to be approved?

 

A couple more questions: 

 

1. Though I don't remember having withdrawals while switching meds or discontinuing an added or existing medication, could it be that there was no time lapse between medications? That the half-life of the other medications carried over, and could have helped me?

 

2. Have there been many members who after having brutal symptoms during taper and after, that stay on a consistent upward path of healing? Meaning, window and wave patterns, without a major set-back. I think I navigate the site pretty well, but my searches don't always bring up what I'm looking for. It's hard to quantify difficulties, I've made it through some horrible stuff so far, and I'm trying not to worry that it could get much worse. I'm only wondering due to how quickly I tapered such a high dose of both medications.

 

I'm a realist at heart, and the "StayHopeful" pseudonym, is to remind myself what to do, every time I see it. I wish there was more known about all of this, something definitive to help everyone. The body is so amazing, yet so complicated.

 

Thank you for any information you can give me, even if it's just re-assurance. 

 

Also, a "Thanks" to ChessieCat for editing my introduction, I hope this is a little easier to read. 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi there StayHopeful,

So you are now 3 months off any medication? 

And I see that you came off Lexapro after a FT(fast taper) on February 12, 2022

Then Seroquel after a FT as well, on July 6, 2022.

 

It looks like a long history of these types of medications with CT's off and then, you are saying no issues but resuming medication shortly after.

So, I'm thinking there have been issues indeed with your tapers.  WD(withdrawal) and symptoms do not always occur immediately.

 

And it does sound like you are having some WD symptoms now as well.  I see mention of adenalin surges, brain fog, cognitive and concentration, and memory issues mentioned.

 

And yes, one should always remain hopeful.

 

I'm having difficulty viewing and figuring out what is what in your signature.  Here is out link to that:

How to summarize your drug history in your signature (the underlined passage is a link, click on, and scroll to the first post)  I think I will copy parts of the post below as well, to make clearer, how you can make your signature clearer:

FOR READABILITY, SHORT LINES ARE BEST.

• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs
• Include ALL drugs, doses, and dates (starting and stopping)
• Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years
• Use actual dates or approximate dates (e.g. mid-June 2018) rather than relative time frames (e.g. 3 months ago)
• Spell out months (e.g. "January" or "Jan" as 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as 9 Jan 2016 or 1 Sept 2016)
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses

 

Example:

2001–2002 paroxetine 
2003  citalopram 
2004  paroxetine
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg

 

So, just the dates, drugs, doses, tapering doses, dates off will do.

Symptoms and narratives all can be left out.

Try to keep to one item on one line too,  the splits of information are tough to follow all in one line.

 

In any case, I sure wish you had come by prior to tapering.  We often will have you HOLD at a dose, and or updose a bit if having symptoms from tapering prior to resuming tapering.  It does appear that you may have just barrelled on through.

 

Are you hoping to use non-drug coping now, for any symptoms that persist now?  Or wondering about reinstatement at this point?  Are you hoping to be free of psychiatric drugs completely someday? 

 

And I'm going to stop here, and put a copy of your present signature below, so you'll have it, and then ask that you whittle it down to a more useful size, so that we can refer to it at a glance, when we need too.  There's good information there.  It's just too detailed right now to be able to make much sense out of it quickly.  So refer to the whole link on signatures, and what I copied out of the link as well and try for a edit/re-do.

 

I'll copy your present one here now.  And will continue my reply with more information for you in my next post.  And will try and answer your questions there too.

 

Prozac '93 - '97, 20mg stopped working, CT'd no issues      Paxil '97, 10mg for 4 weeks, made eyes hurt, CT'd no issues     '97 - '05 (don't remember will update)

Celexa '05 - '10, 20mg stopped working, CT'd no issues      Xanax '05 - '18, .5mg prn, hardly ever used it, CT'd no issues

Lexapro '10 - '22, 40mg tapered, last dose 2/12/22               Zoloft '14, 10mg for 2 months, CT'd no issues

Seroquel '14 - '22, 800mg tapered, last dose 7/6/22             Klonopin '22, .5mg prn (haven't used it yet)

 

Lexapro start taper 12/16/21 - 40mg - 30mg, 1/2/22 - 20mg, 1/15/22 - 10mg, 2/1/22 - 5mg, 2/12/22 - 0mg. During taper, brain zaps.

Seroquel start taper 12/16/21 - 800mg - 600mg, 1/2/22 - 400mg, 1/15/22 - 300mg, 2/12/22 - 200mg hypomania, increased concentration, weight loss, felt great actually.

3/1/22 - 150mg self-doubt, rumination, insomnia, anger. 3/15/22 - 100mg same, 4/1/22 - 50mg same, 4/15/22 - 25mg same but felt better, 5/1/22 - 12mg same, plus anxiety, anhedonia, irritation, dread, tooth and jaw pain. 5/15/22 - 6mg same, with increased anxiety, adrenaline surges, excessive rumination, fear, an 8-hour panic attack. Stayed at 6mg for 1 month to stabilize. 6/15/22 - 3mg adrenaline surges, heart palpitations, acne and vesicles on my upper body. 7/6/22 - 0mg.   

*I stabilized before each drop in dose, then symptoms returned.

Currently taking multi-vitamins, calcium, fish oil, magnesium, complex B vitamins, and vitamin D3. Cut down processed foods and sugar, no alcohol or caffeine.

 

[manymoretodays]

Hello again, and okay I will save you the trouble of navigating further and post some basic tapering information here for you.

 

One of our primary focuses IS harm reduction tapering.  What that means is minimizing harm done during the process of coming off medications.  Generally, we do promote just tapering one medication/drug at a time as well.

The rule of 3KI's, simple, slow, and stable(again, click on the underlined passages to view the topic, and do scroll up to the first post if need be and start there)

 

***Why taper by 10% of my current dose

We would never plan a taper on the number of pills left as I think you did, when you mentioned 30 or 60 pills left, we base tapers on a percentage drop from each previous dose.  You'll see.

 

 

And I certainly don't mean to chastise you now.  Myself having been around this WD and tapering world now for some time, I just wish to further educate you, in hopes it helps you or someone else even.  You've had a long history with these kind of medications/drugs and while I hope you do continue to just deal with minimal WD symptoms.......I do tend to worry.  I'll do my best to turn that to hope for your full healing and recovery now.

And now you'll have a nice reference page of links to some of our topics too.

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptoms list

You can check for your own WD symptoms in the PDF list that is downloadable

 

Tips for tapering off Lexapro

 

Tips for tapering off Seroquel

 

Important Topics in the Tapering Forum and FAQ's

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

These help explain as well, more of why we advocate for a harm reduction approach, the 10% or less off each previous dose,

 

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

The Windows and Waves pattern of Stabilization

Are you having periods of no symptoms or of improvements in present symptoms?  That's a good sign if so.

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.  

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Don't take Calcium at the same time as your magnesium, as the 2 will cancel out each others effect.

We generally recommend just single ingredient supplements too.  So you might check what all is in the multivitamins.  D3 can be stimulating as can be some of the B Vitamins to many of us.   Best to take D3 in the morning.  And go easy with the B's, perhaps don't take a complex mixture of.

 

And again, like in the 3 KI's, just one new thing at a time, with observation.

 

May of us tend to be very hypersensitive to so many things in WD.

 

This is worth your looking at too:

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

and it explains why we go so low, with reinstatements if they are warrented.

 

I could have added more, but am already risking overloading you from the get go and so......

Do update here, as I for one, am not certain just how you ARE doing now.  Describe, in a reply.

 

In regards to question 1.  I'd say possibly, yes.

Question 2.  Well "brutal symptoms" while tapering are usually a good indicator that one is tapering too fast and should slow down.  Recovery from brutal symptoms is anybodies guess I suppose, as we ARE all different.  Windows ARE a good sign that healing is happening!

 

Read thoughtfully the topic on reinstatement and let us know if you think that is something you might be interested in.  We can discuss further.

 

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your case, give updates, communicate with us, and just keep a record of your journey.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

[StayHopeful]

Hello manymoretodays! Thank you so much!

 

I'd read that the signature only has 12 lines, so I tried to condense it from the start. I've made some changes to it; I hope what I did helps. The Prozac and Celexa, I didn't taper because my GP at the time immediately had me switch the next day, to the new drugs (Prozac to Paxil and Celexa to Lexapro). The Paxil I stopped because of side effects, and I don't remember being put on another one at that time, but I could have been.  I couldn't get my history of medications from my GP's office for the time period between 1997 and 2005. 

 

The Zyban, which I just remembered that I took, I started in 1998 and only took for quitting smoking, it made me super emotional, so when I quit smoking 3 months later, I stopped it. The Celexa I started during a high stress job 2005. The Xanax, I used sporadically, maybe 10 times, mostly before I quit said job. I took all unused medications to my GP's office for disposal in 2014, so counted that as my end date. My psychiatrist added Zoloft for a short period of time because of my insomnia, but then switched me to Seroquel. At no point did my GP or psychiatrist tell me to taper any of them, just to switch or stop. In May of this year, I was prescribed Klonopin .5mg (only a few, with no refills) to only take 1 if I have another severe panic attack, but I haven't needed to take any and view them as a last resort. 

 

My memory is so spotty, so I don't remember feeling any difference other than "getting acclimated" for about a week, to the new drug when I switched; and I don't remember feeling bad when I stopped the Paxil, Zyban or Zoloft. Also, when I tapered the Seroquel, I didn't use all the pills and still have a bottle of partially cut up ones. Thank you for not chastising me, though I no doubt deserve it for not informing myself better before starting the tapering journey. I am not on any medications currently, and I want to avoid reinstating anything, because I don't want to ever go through what I've gone through so far, again. Which is why I asked about healing because I've been feeling progressively better, and I really want it to continue without having a major set-back, and I know it's hard to predict.

 

Emotionally: I'm feeling what I would consider as "ok", right now. Though I have a lot of rumination throughout the day, it's not as bad as when I hit a wave. During a wave, it seems that every mistake I'd made, bad thing that happened to me and things I'd wish that I'd done or said, in my entire life, smacks me in the face. I catastrophize and end up sobbing, but they aren't as bad or last as long, as they did when I hit 6mgs during my Seroquel taper. Now, a wave lasts several hours to about 2 days. My windows are lasting about 1-3 weeks. I'm keeping track in a journal.

 

Mentally: It takes a while for me to relay information, when given instructions, they have to "sink in". My memory gaps and confusion are distressing, because I've done very well academically, always learned fast, and had quick recall. Now, I play logic and memory games regularly to try to get that back, because I've heard it helps with neuroplasticity. 

 

Physically: Most of the maladies/side effects, I had while on the medications have subsided or are gone. I still clench my teeth and I have a mouth guard. The burning skin sensation, which are in patches, that I hadn't experienced since the tapering stage, came back day before yesterday, I don't feel it now. I itch sometimes, in different areas of my body, but don't have a rash. The adrenaline surges in the morning are getting better, I bought a sleep mask, and I stopped taking the complex B vitamins last week, which seems to have helped a little. I will take your advice about the multi-vitamin, calcium and D3, making those changes one at a time, after seeing if my discontinuing the B vitamins helps. Would 2-3 weeks be long enough to see about the B vitamin change before taking the D3 in the morning?

 

I probably should have put all this extra information in my introduction, but I didn't know how much to add to start. I hope this gives you a better picture of my situation. Thank you very much for the information and your support. I will reread your earlier responses, to make sure I 'get It', and the information in all the links you provided.  

[StayHopeful]

 Hello Manymoretodays, I hope you're doing well.

I've gone back over the information you sent me. Some I'd already read, so I reread, and some I hadn't. Since beginning my tapering, I tend to expound and explain every little thing, because now I "feel" like I'm never understood (a new symptom I think). So, I will try to be succinct, answering your questions and update to my Introduction/Journal of Healing.

 "In any case, I sure wish you had come by prior to tapering.  We often will have you HOLD at a dose, and or updose a bit if having symptoms from tapering prior to resuming tapering.  It does appear that you may have just barrelled on through."   Yes, I did barrel on through, without adding any medications, only supplements.

 

From Dec until your site popped up on my feed in Sept, my only source of information on withdrawal were on YouTube and other forums. All I could find were people's personal experiences and they didn't give advice. Some people stopped cold turkey; others tapered (but didn't give details of it). Knowing what I know now, I would NEVER suggest anyone do that!! I wish I'd found you first. I prepared for the worst and dealt with the symptoms as best I could.

 

 "Or wondering about reinstatement at this point?"  I don't know, after reading about kindling, hypersensitivity, adverse reactions, and because of how long I've been off of them, I'm too afraid - even if I start having worse symptoms. I'm terrified of a backward slide, I can't imagine going through what I've been through so far (it was torture), ever again; even if I very slow tapered off anything I reinstated. 

 

 "Are you hoping to be free of psychiatric drugs completely someday?"  Absolutely! I never want to be on them again.  

 

 "Are you having periods of no symptoms or of improvements in present symptoms?  That's a good sign if so."  Yes, my windows last about 1-3 weeks now. My symptoms come and go and are much milder than in the beginning. When a wave hits, it's very intense but slowly mellows out and lasts anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days. 

 

After reading all the information you've given me, it's sinking in. After much crying, all I can think is "Wow! Thank goodness I've made it this far". I truly hope and pray that I've gotten through the worst of it, and that I continue to improve. 

 

 "This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your case, give updates, communicate with us, and just keep a record of your journey."

 

Where I started - withdrawal symptoms during tapering (only the mental symptoms and insomnia were consistent and continual):

Insomnia 

Agitation

Anxiety (general and acute)

Rumination

Paranoia

Panic attacks

Catastrophic thinking 

Intrusive thoughts

Adrenaline surges (continual, upon waking and throughout the day)

Brain fog

Expounding/over explaining

Anhedonia

Crying (inconsolable sobbing)

Headaches

Muscle and joint pain

Restless legs

Tooth, jaw and cheek pain (clenching and grinding teeth)

Intense itching (patches that come and go)

Burning skin (patches that come and go)

Eye pain/pressure feeling

Acne

Hair loss

Vesicles (upper body and arms)

 

Where I am as of now - anything not listed that was a previous symptom, has gone at the moment.

Insomnia (improving, sleeping 3-5 hours a night)

Anxiety (improving, though still general)

Rumination (improving, only a few times during the day)

Catastrophic thinking (only during a wave)

Brain fog (slight improvement)

Expounding/over explaining (working on it)

Crying (only during a wave or when something makes me sad)

Adrenaline surges (improving, only when I first wake up now and not as intense)

Tooth, jaw and cheek pain (comes and goes)

Itching and burning skin (comes and goes in different places still)

 

Thank you so much for the information and advice. I will update this often to keep track of any changes.

 

[manymoretodays]

Thank you and awesome StayHopeful.  Good report!

 

And yes, only improvement from here on out!

 

Your signature looks good!

 

Hey, are you comfortable navigating the site yet?  If you want to find topics about your current symptoms, and some non-drug coping skills too:

You can type in survivingantidepressants.org and a topic into your main browser and it will bring you to that topic.

You can search on site, using the search boxes at the top right of each forum, and typing in what you are looking for.

 

There are other ways too:

How to Do a Site Search on Surviving Antidepressants

 

You are making lot's of improvement StayHopeful.  I hope you see that.  It can only get better.  When you feel comfy, go support others here on their threads.  Then they too, will come to yours.  Or you can PM other members too.

 

Yes, do keep us updated!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited October 28, 2022 by manymoretodays

[StayHopeful]

Thank you very much Manymoretodays, for everything so far, especially your kindness and support.

 

My response to your question "Are you hoping to use non-drug coping now, for any symptoms that persist now?"  somehow got deleted during my reorganization of that reply. So far, I've been using distractions, such as reading, playing games, listening to music, and busying myself. Also, breathing exercises and meditation help symptoms that are harder to distract from. As soon as I feel up to it, I'll start an exercise routine, making sure to go slow to see how I tolerate it first. Any further recommendations would be great.

 

When I was going through extreme anxiety several months back, I couldn't leave my home, drive or be in public for a little over a month. Being an independent person, who never experienced anxiety before those medications, I got very angry and frustrated, so I fought it. I made myself do those things while my family encouraged and coached me. Now, I can go for walks, drive a medium distance from the house, and go shopping on my own again. I still get anxiety and try to talk myself out of it, but once I get going, I'm ok. 

 

I am feeling a little more comfortable navigating the site, I'll still read the link you sent me though. I would very much like to help support others, this is such a tough journey we're all on. My first step in healing was knowing that I wasn't alone. Reading the experiences of others who are going through this, are healing or have healed, has been valuable. 

 

Thank you again  

[StayHopeful]

Well, I had a good 2 1/2-week window, but now I feel like I'm slipping into a wave.  I fell asleep around 11:30pm or so last night, then woke up to use the restroom around 2am, but did fall back asleep after a little while. At 5am, I woke up to adrenaline surging waves, body pulsing, intense itching, and a ton of rumination. After several hours now, I'm really tired but feeling "antsy", like there's something I should be doing, but I don't know what. I'm also becoming super emotional and irritated.  

 

I've been reframing all morning, "changing channels" and trying to get the mental part under control. Physically, adrenaline surges aren't as intense, but still coming and going. The body pulsing stopped, but the intense itching is really annoying (creams and lotion aren't helping). I keep telling myself that this is just part of healing, and I know that I've been steadily improving, trying to stay positive, but man this just stinks. I think it'll be a "shower and stay on the couch" kind of day.

 

 

 

[StayHopeful]

No relief today.  

Before I fell asleep last night, I noticed how restless my body was, with an urge to move but not as bad as full-blown restless legs. I'm hoping it's not the start of akathisia, or if it is, that it stays very mild.  I got up around 7am, after a night of spotty sleep. I had more intense adrenaline surges (cortisol). They seem to have dissipated once I started moving around. I haven't taken additional B complex vitamins since 10/21, but it doesn't seem to have made a real difference (Yet?).

 

Mentally: No motivation, brain fog, intrusive thoughts, irritability, extreme anxiety, catastrophizing, rumination, and worrying, which is only making things worse.  I'm isolating myself because I don't want to take it out on anyone.

 

Physically: Exhaustion, waves of restlessness, and the bottom of my feet itch. 

 

 I also have some questions:

1. Has it been enough time off the B vitamins, that I should also change the time of day to take the D3 supplement? 

I'm still taking that at night. 

 

2. Should I look at stopping my multi vitamin as well, since it has B vitamins (at least 150% - 1,000% of RDA)?

The vitamin isn't gender specific but has no calcium.

 

3. I'm taking 300mg of magnesium at night (50mg in my vitamin, 250mg supplement), should I also take small amounts during the day to help calm the anxiety? 

I've been falling asleep better at night, but still feeling anxiety off and on, during the day.

 

 

*Update: Family took me to the store, and we got some lunch but still feeling horrible.

[manymoretodays]

On 10/29/2022 at 8:58 AM, StayHopeful said:

Now, I can go for walks, drive a medium distance from the house, and go shopping on my own again. I still get anxiety and try to talk myself out of it, but once I get going, I'm ok. 

 

Okay.  Let's see.  More on managing the anxiety.  I saw a good package on that earlier today.  I'll see if I can find it again.

Heh, heh.....found it!  So.....something else to take a look at and try.  Do report back when your new or old coping skills do help.  It's always good to know and then share here on your page.

 

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

These are some links to some coping techniques to help you with the anxiety.  They won't take it away, but then can reduce it, and help you to cope with it.  

 

15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

Music to Calm Anxiety

 

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

Meditation

 

Emotional Spirals

[manymoretodays]

21 hours ago, StayHopeful said:

I also have some questions:

1. Has it been enough time off the B vitamins, that I should also change the time of day to take the D3 supplement? 

I'm still taking that at night. 

 

2. Should I look at stopping my multi vitamin as well, since it has B vitamins (at least 150% - 1,000% of RDA)?

The vitamin isn't gender specific but has no calcium.

 

3. I'm taking 300mg of magnesium at night (50mg in my vitamin, 250mg supplement), should I also take small amounts during the day to help calm the anxiety? 

I've been falling asleep better at night, but still feeling anxiety off and on, during the day.

 

Take it early in the day.  More in the topic below:

Vitamin D3(cholecalciferol or calcitriol)

 

Let's not jump to thoughts of akathisia now, okay?  I know it's hard not to think the worst, but do describe symptoms as you have been.  As well as voice your worries, that part is fine.

 

I saw restless, interupted sleep in the night, possibly cortisol awakenings, and itchiness.  As well as restless, ?depressed feelings, and a lot of worries and ruminations too.

 

You may want to just hold on the D3 until you are not quite as active, in your mind anyway.

 

B-vitamins or B complex vitamins

 

Again, for right now.......I think it's best to hold on anything but magnesium and omega3's/fish oil. 

 

Very likely you are a bit hypersensitive now, like many of us, to many things.

 

On the Magnesium, you might get more relief by taking it throughout the day.  You mentioned that you take small amounts in the day and then one whopper dose of 250 mg??  That's not clear to me.  I did great with using capsules of Magnesium Citrate complex(just magnesium in there), putting the contents of a 500 mg capsule in a liter bottle of water, shaking it up, and then sipping it throughout the day.  It was kind of chunky, did not fully dissolve but worked well enough.  I just shook it before drinking.

If you take too much magnesium often it will affect the gut(in the way of diarrhea or too much poop output.....solly)

I also later found a magnesium glycinate 400 mg per tsp that could mix with water well and that one can be very calming too.

 

Check the link to the topic again too, you might find your own answers to your question.  I would say yes, it tends to work better if taken spaced out through the whole day.

 

What else is in your vitamin?  It should say somewhere what is in there.

 

The B's can be too activating for many here.  I have done okay with B12 only, but others have not.  So tread cautiously there.  I'd keep them eliminated for now.

 

Have you started or are you already on the Omega3's/fish oil?  If not, consider that, getting started on some.  As in the long run that can only help.

Start low, go slow.  No other additions while you are starting.

 

More:

Akathisia vs restlessness, anxiety, agitation

weighted blankets can be great!  Wallmart even has them now, ready made and not so pricey.  You can make your own too.  So follow the link to that topic in ^  I think you'll be glad you did.

 

Non-drug treatments for restless legs

 

Early-morning waking-managing the morning cortisol spike

Skin issues: hives, acne, dryness, itching, etc

and I'd add in if you can get a good lotion, like one that hospitals use......that might help.  Lubriderm is one.....use unscented.  There is one more too.....it starts with a C.......hmmm, I'll post it when I remember.  I'm oldish, this is normalish.

 

Cetaphil.  That was what I was thinking of.  You can buy it over the counter.  A non-soap alternative and they make some good lotions too.

 

Good job on managing the neuroemotions StayHopeful.  And when you get to that first post in the neuroemotions topic, you'll see more topics with non-drug coping for the mental kind of symptoms.  Get to the non-drug coping with emotional symptoms topic.  Ton's of topics indexed there, in the first post for you to see and things to try.

 

Hoping, that the next update is better.  It sounds wavish for sure in your last posts.

 

Keep us updated.  Appreciate it.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited November 1, 2022 by manymoretodays
Cetaphil

[StayHopeful]

Hello Manymoretodays, I hope you're doing well and having a great day so far.☺️

Thank you for your encouragement and links, also, for reminding me of my previous accomplishments. I sometimes forget when I'm in the throes of a wave all the positives that have come before it. It's so easy to get "sucked in" by the emotions of the moment, instead of seeing the entire picture.  

 

I'm not feeling wonderful, but better than I have the last couple days. I think the wave started to calm down last night. I went to bed and fell asleep somewhere around 11pm, but woke up at 1am, and wasn't able to fall back asleep. I had slight adrenaline surges this morning, around 6am while trying to get more sleep, but they went away when I got up. I feel a little drained, but okay overall. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to make up for the sleep I didn't get last night. If not, I'll hang in here until I can, staying positive, as not to rock the boat.

 

I listened to the audio: "First Aid for Panic" in the female's voice, I liked it and will make sure it's on my phone to carry with me at all times.

I tried to listen to the audio from Claire Weekes, but it wouldn't play for some reason, I'll look up her content on YouTube.

 

Though I read some of the links you sent me, when I first found this site, it never hurts to be reminded and to read them as many times as needed, so thank you very much for putting them in your reply so I could access them quickly, that was very helpful!! I also plan to download some soothing music to listen to throughout the day, I tried one once, but in the middle of it, there was aggressive tones and it just made me more anxious. I agree completely with describing my symptoms but not specifically naming them, such as akathisia, I don't want to subconsciously cause a new symptom or convince myself that I have something, that I really don't. I've noticed the feelings of slight restlessness, but not enough to cause me to have to move, and that to me is ok. Also, I seem to have them in the evening and at night, when I'm trying to relax or reading before bed. So far today, the symptoms I've had for the last two days, have abated and it's just the morning adrenaline surge and a little anxiety - although my jaws faintly feel like I've tasted something sour, probably remnants of clenching during the night. 

 

As for the Multi-vitamin:                                                    Supplements:

Vitamin A 750mg                                                                Calcium 600mg

Vitamin C 60mg                                                                  D3 400 IU - as D3 Cholecalciferol (soft gel)

Vitamin D3 1,000 IU                                                            Magnesium 250mg - oxide

Vitamin E 22.5mg                                                                Fish oil Omega-3 fatty acids 500mg - as Ethyl Esters (soft gel)

Vitamin K 30mcg

Thiamine 1.5mg

Riboflavin 1.7mg

Niacin 20mg

Vitamin B6 mg

Folic Acid 400mcg

Vitamin B12 25mcg

Biotin 40mcg

Pantothenic Acid 10mg

Phosphorus 20mg

Iodine 150mcg

Magnesium 50mg

Zinc 11mg

Selenium 19mcg

Copper .5mg

Manganese 2.3mg

Chromium 50mcg

Molybdenum 45 mcg

Chloride 72mg

Potassium 80mg

Silicon 2mg

Vanadium 10mcg

Lutein 250mcg

Lycopene 300mcg

 

I take the supplements and the multi-vitamin, all at once just before bed, none during the day. I've been doing that since I started my tapering in Dec 2021. I stopped the B complex supplement on 10/21/22.

 

"Again, for right now.......I think it's best to hold on anything but magnesium and omega3's/fish oil."   So, do you mean stop everything but the magnesium and fish oil? 

I will see if I can find the magnesium citrate and glycinate forms you mentioned, for when I can start adding them during the day.

 

I've been using Goldbond and Aveeno for lotions, but I'll check out Lubriderm and Curel possibly? Itching is very annoying.

I have a heavy, hand knitted blanket and I'll check out a weighted one as well, I haven't seen one. 

 

Thank you very much!! I hope I touched on everything you sent me and didn't miss anything.

 

Stayhopeful

 

[Heath]

@StayHopeful welcome to SA! 
I have found a magnesium powder brand name Calm. 2 teaspoons in bottle of water and sip on all day saving a 1/4 of bottle for sleepy time. 
 

There is a podcast app on the iPhone that has calming white noise, rain , ocean, etc. that can help with sleep. I find reading stories and puzzles put me to sleep especially suduko. Or even the audible stories.  Try and set a sleep schedule and keep it. If I wake up too soon more puzzles and reading and back to sleep. Close curtains and dark in the room and such. And Try and get up in morning when you wake, laying there and snuggling can lead to ruminating thoughts. 

Hang in there !
 

Natural Vitality Calm #1 Selling Magnesium Citrate Supplement, Anti-Stress Magnesium Supplement Drink Mix Powder - Original Flavor, Vegan, Gluten Free and Non-GMO (Package May Vary), 16oz 113 Servings https://a.co/d/7JfN6xx

[StayHopeful]

Hi Heath!

Thank you so much for the welcome, and taking the time to give me some encouragement and tips. I have errands to run in the next couple days, and I'll definitely check for the magnesium. I try to go to bed around the same time (give or take) and don't take naps. I also have a 3D sleep mask that blocks all light, that helps a lot; though I've scared myself a couple times when I forgot I was wearing it 😅.  I do hate laying there tossing and turning, but I will try to read again or play games to see if I can get back to sleep quicker. 👍

 

I took a look at your intro, seems you've been going through a lot, lots of great things and some stress. I hope you and your family are doing well 🙏. 

 

Thank you again!

[manymoretodays]

Hi StayHopeful,

Curel......yes that's a good one too, as are the others you mentioned.  I was thinking of Cetaphil.....I think there is a wash and a lotion that they make, that helps at least, prevent dry skin......which might cause the itching.

 

And yes, I don't mind searching topics and copying them over for new members.  It can take time to feel comfy and familiar using the site.

Hmmm, I can't get to the audio of ClaireWeekes either right now in the first link.  I will check it out further to see if it was my copied link, or if the link needs an update so thanks for letting me know.

 

On 11/1/2022 at 1:51 PM, StayHopeful said:

Again, for right now.......I think it's best to hold on anything but magnesium and omega3's/fish oil."   So, do you mean stop everything but the magnesium and fish oil? 

I will see if I can find the magnesium citrate and glycinate forms you mentioned, for when I can start adding them during the day.

 

Well.  One thing you should know for sure is to not take any Ca and magnesium at the same time.  Space them apart by 2 hours at least, or.....they cancel each others effect out.

If you have an effective magnesium now, don't feel like you need to go out and spend lot's of money getting another kind.  Try just one new one if you'd like to, and then find a good way to split the dose out over a longer period of time, and chances are you'll find what helps most to keep you calmer.

I hate to overwhelm, but.......I love Epsom salt baths......that is Magnesium Sulfate.  And it's cheap, over the counter, comes in a big bag.  I use less than they recommend and find it very calming.  Best used before bed for me now really.

 

You do not want to overdo Magnesium though.  So stick with using just one method or kind of magnesium.  You'll find your personal favorite I'm sure.

 

I might, for just awhile going forward, stop the multi-vitamin.  It's packed with stuff and just in case there is something in there now that is causing you some more activation than you'd like.  Try going a week without it in other words.

I'd keep holding or not taking the B vitamin for right now too.  Do you know what all is in it?  Which B's? 

Again.....single ingredients are best.

Here is the main topic for finding more, you'll see individual topics indexed there:

Important topics about tests, supplements, treatments, diet

 

Are you keeping a calendar or daily notes for yourself yet?  If not, do so.  I use a block calendar and mark when I try something new.  And then also note what kind of day it was for me.  

For me at this point, it could be a new supplement, or new glasses, or resuming swimming, or yoga......or even if I take a walk, I note it. 

 

Then from there I learn what is helping.  I also learn what doesn't help.  Some use a journal, or something online.  Whatever works for you.

 

AND.....an added benefit is that I can see when I am doing well.

 

You can even color in days......blue for when you are feeling down, or green when you have a good day........and it can act as a reminded of when you ARE almost symptom free.

 

If you like journaling, or writing, it really can have therapeutic benefits too:

Journaling/Writing Therapy/Therapeutic Writing

 

Recording drug schedule and symptoms to track patterns and progress

And I don't need to see NOTES from you now, but just read what Karma wrote in the first post there, and you'll get more ideas on how to track your progress too, as well as finding what is most helpful for you now.

 

Hope I got to all your ?'s 

Best.  L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

[manymoretodays]

Just going to add the topic:

The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

You'll like this StayHopeful as it mentions her books, and then I see where another member summarized some of the concepts too- to help with healing from anxiety as well as a sensitized nervous system.  Almost interchangeable, those terms, here at this site.

 

Meantime.....I'm on the hunt to find the Audio from the link, that didn't go anywhere.  Sometimes they just get obsolete.  Hoping I find it.  Now or later.

[StayHopeful]

Hi Manymoretodays, I hope you're doing well.

 

Ok, I'll stop the multi-vitamin, move the D3 to the morning and not take the calcium with the magnesium. I'll check out the magnesium but make sure to only use very little increments to see if it helps. I will only make one change at a time and hold to see and record any differences.

 

The B complex has:

Vitamin C 150mg

Thiamine 100mg

Riboflavin 20mg

Niacin 25mg

Vitamin B6 2mg

Folic Acid 680mcg

Vitamin B12 15mg

Biotin 30mcg

Pantothenic Acid 5.5mg

Calcium 70mg

 

I was only taking half of it, not realizing that I was essentially doubling it with the multi-vitamin. Glad I stopped it. 

 

I'll get a block calendar to keep track of things, it'll be a much quicker reference than my journal. And yes, I like journaling. I've used it for a couple decades. Not to record my life events, but to help write out and process emotions. I think part of why withdrawal can be so hard for me at times, are those emotions that I can't attribute to anything. When I can say, I feel hurt, angry, etc. because of such and such, I can work through it, look at it from a different perspective. Saying I'm feeling hurt, when nothing happened, is different. Though, the more I journal about it, it'll be easier to accept it. I can't wait till I'm healed from all this.

  

I did find some of Claire Weekes' videos on YouTube, I watched them last night. I like how calming and reassuring her voice is ☺️

 

I can't thank you enough for all your help!

 

StayHopeful 

 

 

[StayHopeful]

Feeling better overall for the last week, though I've had a couple short waves.

I felt lucky because they only lasted for about 2-4 hrs. I was able to work it out and move on, but still felt emotionally drained. Generally, my mood is pretty stable, a little better than apathetic. I can feel all the ranges of emotions, but they're fleeting, so I just hang out in "okay" mode most of the time (maybe that's normal). Which is way better than the anhedonia, that I used to feel all the time. My family has been very supportive, asking how I'm doing, noticing when my mood starts to go south and helping me through it. Sometimes, just a hug goes a long way. 

 

I'm still waiting for motivation to be real and not forced. I'll be glad when the "old" me starts showing up more frequently. Right now, that seems to be a continual draw back. I get things done but have no natural motivation to do them, even fun things. I've been trying to keep busy during the day to keep my mind occupied or distracted so to speak. I think overall that makes me handle the withdrawal better. It's a blessing to go a day sometimes without focusing on it. I'll be very happy when I feel like I can add exercise to my routine, that'll probably help my sleep too.

 

I stopped the multi-vitamin a week ago, I feel like my adrenaline surges in the morning have decreased slightly, but it might be wishful thinking since it may not have been long enough for a change to be truly noticed. I found an inexpensive magnesium powder and plan to start using it today. I figured 1/8th of the 325mg dose to sip throughout the day, would be okay to start, since it's less mgs than I was taking in my multi-vitamin. I'm still taking 250mg of the magnesium, in pill form, at bedtime. I haven't had a hard time falling asleep since I added that supplement a several months ago, just a hard time staying asleep. Darned bathroom needs!  Though, I'm not sure about increasing any magnesium from there, due to being very concerned about taking too much. My overall daily intake, not counting any in food, will be roughly about 291mgs. I've seen that for a female they recommend between 310mg and 320mg. I can always just use only the powdered form, if I see any improvement. 

 

Anyway, that's my update for now. ☺️

 

 

 

[Heath]

@StayHopeful there is a lot of good signs in your last post.
The fact that you are acknowledging what is happening when it happens is a huge step in getting through this. That will go a long way going forward.
 

Doing things with friends and family is real good!  you are surrounded with support Awesome! 
The motivation will come and go as you go through this. I feel you pain. Walking has helped me with motivation. But first got to have motivation to walk🤔. 
 

I have found during all this I have to make myself do certain things whether I want to or not - to help myself. Sleep , excercise, food, work, socializing, etc. It’s hard . I really don’t like excercise 😀. 

Example being a family function with good friends and family , me telling them I’m not going, because I feel awful but then I’m encouraged to go. And afterwards I feel much better less anxiety or blah. Actually feel like my old self. Notice I said “good family and friends “.  If it’s drama people that will make things worse. 

Someone here  gave me a little tip that I will pass on to you.  I was  in a heavy wave adrenaline, anxiety, fear , ruminating thoughts and panic. Like my brain got stuck there. My daughter fixed a large mixing bowl of ice water, and I stuck my face in it. Calmed me down real quick. I now have this before being tempted to grab a klonopin. Now with that said we are all different .  So try this with caution. I’m no dr or moderator. Might put it in you self help tool box for future as needed. 

Below is a link to early morning cortisol 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17471-early-morning-waking-managing-the-morning-cortisol-spike/

 

[StayHopeful]

Thank You for the encouragement, Heath. I'll keep the tip you passed on in mind and try it out, should the need arise. I have a few Klonopin in case I have a bad panic attack, just as a safety net.  I haven't used them, and I don't want to use anything that could delay my healing

 

Update:

 

Mental:

My last week went pretty well. I'm starting to feel like myself again, glimpses of the old me show themselves more often. It's not the personality I had while on the medications, but the me before I started them. My family have been noticing the changes and are proud of the strides I've made. I did have a couple times I ended up crying, but I was able to get over it and move on. I'm still pretty sensitive at times. I think the magnesium is helping, I seem to feel calmer throughout the day. It's only been a week though, so we'll see.

 

Sleep:

I had a couple nights where I couldn't get to sleep at all and a few that I got about 4 hours, though waking in between. I'm starting to just accept that my sleep pattern is what it is for now. I use all the tips to help, and it has gotten better, but fighting it only causes more frustration. Since it impacts how I feel throughout the day, I'll do what I can and work with it, this too shall pass.

 

Physical:

Overall, I'm doing ok. However, weird sensations are happening from time to time, but nothing consistent. 

Pressure headaches behind my eyes and on the right side (eyes begin to water) - while not doing anything to cause them.

Phantom pains in my arms, legs, hands and feet, like being poked with a large needle. They sting really bad for about 15 seconds and go away.

Feeling like lightening is traveling along the surface of my abdomen, several sharp shocks that travel and then go away slowly.

Adrenaline surges in the morning still, not as often and are slight and getting up stops them. Also, a lot better during the day and more situational now.

Restless feelings throughout body at night still, and upper lip feels like it's spasming and swelling, but actually isn't.

Jaws and cheeks ache still from the clenching, though I use a mouthguard, I'm convinced I have a cracked tooth because of the aching I have around it. I have a dental appt coming up anyway.

Heart palpitations are back.

 

I know this is all part and parcel to the healing process, so I rationalize and just hang in here. I see my GP soon. I'll be able to discuss my progress and symptoms with her.

 

[StayHopeful]

Had a really bad wave over the last couple days, one of the worst ones yet. It started Saturday evening, got worse later that night and culminated in a panic attack. Then yesterday I was exhausted emotionally and physically, I laid on the couch all day, then started to come out of it later last night. I slept well, but today I feel really blah. I'm glad to be feeling better than I was at least.

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Mental:

Ruminating a lot. I feel exhausted emotionally, completely spent, but not anhedonia or depressed, just very tired. I don't feel happy but can laugh at things and be amused. My memory is still not good and that upsets me a bit. I'm doing my best to stay positive and remind myself that this is temporary, and I'll get through it. My holiday was good, I had a few stressful moments, but who doesn't, while trying to get the Thanksgiving meal done?

I had some pie with cool whip, and yesterday I paid for it dearly. I woke up feeling horrible! - like I was "out of it", almost a drunk feeling, confused and just staring off a lot of the time. My eyes and face felt a lot of pressure and my coordination was off. I looked up symptoms here and read about others who have felt the same way after eating sugar. So, I read some of the informational links from posts and learned more. So, I think it was the pie because of the sugar content, and I haven't eaten anything like that in a while. I started to feel better later in the day.

 

Sleeping:

I had a couple good night of sleep, but still spotty most of the time. I've been listening to calming music through a small earbud to help fall asleep and so far, it's helped. I still have to use the bathroom twice during the night, but then restart the music. Sometimes I fall back asleep, sometimes I don't.

 

Physically:

There is a lot of tension at the base of my neck, and it burns all the time. Stretching and repositioning doesn't seem to help. My husband massages it for me when it gets bad - and I'm more than grateful. I swear, if I could afford to hire a masseuse to be on call, WD would be so much easier. Massage is the one thing that relieves all my tension and calms me down right away.

I've broken out in acne again. It's mostly on my neck, chest and upper back, it itches quite a bit, so I use an acne wash and toner to try to combat it. Lotion sometimes makes it worse but have no choice but to use it because of the itchiness.

 

I'll be so glad once I'm through with all this!

 

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Overall, I think I'm doing pretty good and staying positive. I also hope it lasts for a while. This is a little long -

 

Mental: 

Having a little excessive worrying, not really anxiety, just worry. I've noticed it happening for the last couple days, I'm trying to redirect thoughts, but of course it goes to worst case scenario. So, I'm writing out alternatives to what changes I can make to avoid situations to alleviate my concerns. I'm still pretty emotional, I get my feelings hurt way too easy and I don't like being this way. I also struggle at conveying thoughts and feelings still. My perception of other's comments and their "implied" meanings are still way off. I know those around me don't mean to hurt my feelings or offend me, but it feels that way - opportunity for growth. I've noticed that misunderstood comments are also the main trigger of a wave.

 

Memory is still spotty, especially short term. I had self-confidence from my quick recall of memories and facts while growing up and as an adult. So, I'm particularly bothered by that. While saying something, I'll forget the name of an object (even if I'm pointing at it). UGH!! However, playing mental games is going well. I have an app to play a game called Killer Soduku, it combines logic and addition to figure out the number placement and has nine boxes of nine numbers each. I'm able to complete an easy level in under 5mins and a medium level in under 8mins. So, I know that certain aspects of my mental acuity are still there.

 

Sleep:

I'm still getting about 3-5 hours a night on average, with an occasional off night of getting less. I'm glad that it's still way better than it was a couple months ago.

 

Physical:

I'm not having as many adrenaline surges. In the morning, I have only a slight feeling of unease in my stomach. It's much more tolerable and I really hope it lasts, because those morning surges were so uncomfortable. 

My neck and back tension aren't as bad, though still there. My back doesn't itch as much, but when I does, I try not to scratch it too much because that makes it worse.

I still have the lip spasm/swelling feeling, but not as often as I did. 

My body sometimes has a low-level restlessness at night, but it's minimal. 

 

 

Great things:

 

I started playing video games again. Yay!

I used to be so good at them too. My family and I would sit on the couch, passing the controller around, solving puzzles and meeting challenges, it was soooo much fun. Now, my gaming skills are a little different... I'm having fun, but I'm not as patient as I was, practicing a jump or dodge is a little frustrating and finding my way back to places or landmarks in the game isn't as easy. My finger coordination with the controller is a little off and I push the wrong buttons at the wrong time or don't push them at all. I end up talking to myself the entire time. I hang in there though, I tell myself that it's ok, I just need to stay calm and continue to try - just like the first time I ever played. Some games I've tried to play, bother me, they are too intense, so I'm going to take my time and work up to those. 

 

I started to enjoy cooking again. Yay!

I used to enjoy cooking for my family, even during my eating disorder. When I got tired of the eating disorder after all those years, I quit by doing research, making healthy meals and implementing an exercise program. I gained some weight which was uncomfortable, but I stayed the course and slowly started to lose it, finally finding a stable weight for me. I was so proud to be healthy and having healthy habits. I'm finally feeling like that again. After years of not enjoying making meals or when eating them, I'm digging out old recipes, hunting for new ones and enjoying every bite. 

This is huge for me 😊

 

I realized that I haven't felt like this since I started taking Seroquel, in 2014. I have a better understanding of why my relapse happened - which I always took as a huge failure. I made so many changes and worked so hard. I beat myself up about it for years, and I know now that it wasn't my fault. Thinking back and looking at pictures, the majority of the weight I gained was when the Seroquel was added. Weight that I couldn't lose, by dieting, exercising more or relapsing into starving myself again. Starving wasn't working, so I started eating again and feeling helpless. I thought it was just the Lexapro because I immediately started losing all the weight when I was done tapering it, but I was also tapering the Seroquel at the same time. It had to be the Seroquel. Now that I'm not on medication anymore, I can continue what I'm doing and stay healthy.☺️

[Heath]

@StayHopeful Wow ! Glad you are seeing improvements and are very aware of things happening - and -applying self help/care awesome! 
 

the symptoms you describe are common wd. The sensitivity with conversation or communication I have had several times. It’s only recently- past couple of years I have noticed this as wd or side effects. 
 

keep doing what you are doing 👍

killer suduko

 

[StayHopeful]

@Heath 😊

 

Thank you so much!! Especially for the reassurance. Since I wasn't as sensitive before medication, I have every hope that this will resolve with time. Right now, I feel like I'm putting together a puzzle. There are a lot of things that I can now look at as side effects and how they have affected my attitude or outlook, during my time on medication and while I've been in WD. It upsets me at times, especially since none of us get "do overs". At least understanding has helped. I can get irritated yet say "That makes total sense now". 

 

Beginning to enjoy things again is really nice, since for a while I was wondering if I ever would. I know that I have to take it easy though, doing a little at a time. I test, see how it goes: proceed if I'm doing ok and back off if I feel bad. The mental games have really helped; I made them a priority while I was tapering, and I'm glad I did because I'm getting better at them over time.

 

Thank you again for the suggestion of the magnesium powder, I use it daily and I think it really helps.

 

I hope you have a great day!

 

SH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Mental:

I don't feel like doing much lately. I still play games, go to the store, hang out with family but I have no motivation. I haven't had any real emotional episodes, though I get irritable and impatient at times. I've had quite a bit of rumination, but only in specific areas (previous people I knew and relatives). Collecting my thoughts is difficult at times. Trying to stay upbeat and positive.

 

Sleep: 

It's been really spotty lately. Just when I start getting, what I'd consider good sleep - more than a few hours, it goes back to only a couple. I can't attribute it to anything in particular, which is a little frustrating. I just keep hanging in here.

 

Physical:

I'm tired a lot of time. I get low grade headaches and I feel out of it, when they occur. I've had heart palpitations, itchiness, tingling and stabbing sensations. They come and go - as usual. My upper back is still a mess - tension, pain and itching. 

 

I've been trying to join in on more threads. The problem is that since being in WD, it's hard for me to convey my experience, thoughts and feelings. It takes a long time. I can type out a post, then second guess, reread, edit, reword and then delete it, wasting all my effort. Hopefully, I can get better at this with time and feel like I can contribute more. 

Edited December 11, 2022 by StayHopeful

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Mental:

Mostly doing fine. Rumination comes and goes. I get aggravated, irritated and worried about some things but get over it. I'm starting to catch on a little faster and process situations better. As that's been happening, I haven't been concentrating on how I feel as much. At first, anxiety, worry, fear, catastrophic thinking and my physical issues were in the forefront of everything I did, constantly. Now, it's more in the background. I still struggle to communicate feelings, but I'm working on it. My short-term memory still isn't too good, I don't know if it's my age and just a normal thing or part of WD. 

 

Sleep:

I had a good streak the last couple nights, slept probably about 5 hours without having to use the bathroom. Last night I got less, but even those couple days where I got a little more is an improvement. 

 

Physical:

Still having a myriad of things going on. My upper back tension seems to be getting better, though it still itches from time to time. I hurt my ribs at the grocery store, reaching into a case for a roast. I reached too far against the side and felt my lower rib pop, it's been painful ever since. Sadly, it's not the first time I've hurt my ribs doing something similar.

 

The last week hasn't been too bad overall. I've seen some improvement and things that I need to work on. I really hope that I can steadily continue to feel better. 

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Mental:

What a difference a week makes! I feel like a flopping fish right now. 

This last week - I noticed social anxiety happening a lot. I've been worrying about what others think of me, whether I'm saying or doing the right things and if I'll ever feel confident and secure with myself again. I don't trust my instincts or my perceptions of situations. I went to two doctor appts last week. I ended up explaining things way too much again. I start to talk, and then need to explain because I don't want what I said misunderstood. It's horrible, I sound ridiculous. I then ruminated for the next couple of days over what I said, how I said it, what the other person said and what their facial expressions meant. Plus, I don't remember the entire conversation, mentally adding stuff that probably didn't happen and feel completely stupid. Now I dread the next time I have to see that person. What a mental merry go round!🙄

I also worry that the medications changed my brain so much that I'll always be this way - crappy short-term memory, indecisive, worrying, ruminating, anxiety and taking things the wrong way. At least, none of those things are constant right now, they come and go - situationally. I've been using coping techniques and trying to keep a sense of humor. I can kind of - sort of, maybe still laugh at myself, but geez! - why do things have to be so difficult?? 

 

Sleep:

I haven't been worried about it too much anymore. If I start not being able to get any sleep at all again, then I'll be concerned and look at changing or adjusting what I'm currently doing. For now, I'm doing ok.

 

Physical:

My ribs are still pretty sore but feel like they are getting better. I hate it when I sneeze.

I had some concerns about a few vague symptoms I've been having off and on. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I looked them up on Dr Google (what a mistake!). I won't be doing that again, because it really kicked my anxiety into "worst case scenario" overdrive. When I saw my GP, I was quite worried, I think I frustrated her, and now wonder if she's mad at me. Of course, all my tests came back normal. 

I still have general pain in my cheeks and jaw. After an evaluation, I have a tooth that needs to be dealt with. I don't know how long it's been needing treatment because the pain started while tapering. It might end up a casualty though, due to years of clenching and grinding.

 

I feel like I'm playing catch up with my health and emotions. It's bad enough all the side effects I had while on the meds, but the aftermath of it all really stinks. 

 

 

[Escitalopram21]

Hello! I just came by your thread. I am also a survivor of both Seroquel and Lexapro and i wanted to say hi and let you know that i cheer for you. 
my taper is not over yet in a long time but i am happy to be off seroquel at least. 
Wishing you healing!

[StayHopeful]

Hello Escitalopram21!

Thank you so much and for stopping in ☺️ I've read over your thread several times, before I joined, even. My new social anxiety keeps me from reaching out sometimes, but I'm getting better at it. I should have contacted you sooner. I'm sorry you've been having a hard time with tapering. I commend you so much for all your efforts and trying to get your dosages right, it seems difficult, but I think you're doing great. I'm glad you're off the quetiapine. I didn't have any guidance in tapering, and fast tapered both meds because I didn't know different. This site popped up on my feed because I was searching for symptoms I was having, in Sept. I was so grateful, but I was already done tapering by then. Now I just search out symptoms and try to chip away at my social anxiety by posting (like now 😊). 

 

The brain zaps from the escitalopram are brutal, are you still having them? I had them after my first tapered dose, until about a month after I was done. I knew they'd happen and steadied myself for them because I'd forgotten a dose once and researched what they were. I started having withdrawals immediately, but I still don't know how much was masked by the quetiapine still in my system at the time. I was on such a high dose and wonder now which symptoms I'm having are from what medication or both. Did you notice withdrawal symptoms while tapering and when you finished the quetiapine? 

 

It's hard to tell what a wave and window are sometimes for me. I update here, then read them after a while and wonder. I'm having a lot of emotional symptoms, that come and go. Indecisiveness, worry and anxiety. I get upset, sad and crying (emotional spiraling) over small misunderstandings - but once I talk it out, I'm ok and feel fine again. Is that a wave or am I feeling normal emotions, but with an exaggerated response because of withdrawal? I don't know anymore. Do you have the same problem?

 

One day, this will all seem like a bad dream, and we'll be feeling better. Wishing you healing, and fast too.

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

So, I'm in a wave and things aren't going so good right now.

Any type of stress is hard to tolerate. I start to obsess, worry, become anxious and think the worst. Every day something sets it off. Right now, I have a lot going on in my life and the next month is going to be stressful. I have a ton of things that I need to do, and I'm trying to deal with all of it. Social anxiety is at an all-time high and I'm paranoid a lot. PeopIe scare me, I can't judge other's intentions. A compliment or joking, said in certain ways, seems nefarious. I start to become anxious, wanting to stay as far away as possible. I'm afraid of everything again and the thoughts are relentless. The thought of driving in big cities or larger parts of town is terrifying, and when something comes up, where I might have to do that, I start ruminating, catastrophizing, and the fear is crippling. My first inclination is to just get in the car and drive - anywhere, just do it, but with so many rude drivers now - not being able to stay in their own lane, I'm terrified and end up sobbing. I hate feeling this way - all this anxiety is horrible. It's just fear and worry, with very few, short intermissions. I just want to go back to a time when I wasn't afraid, everything was like an adventure and though I'd be a little nervous, I'd still do whatever I wanted and needed.

 

Since just before Christmas, I've had so many mental/emotional symptoms - anxiety, fear of abandonment, insecurity, sadness, rumination, intrusive thoughts, indecisiveness, anger and irritation, off and on daily. I have scoured the threads in the "Symptoms and Self Care" forum and of course my symptoms are normal during all this. Almost everyone here, has had them all, so I'm not questioning if I'm in a wave anymore. I think it started, just kept building and now I'm here in this mental mess. I can only read so much of them though, because I start to scare myself. I read through the "Success Stories" and search online and in books, for anything motivational, trying to stay positive. 

 

Some physical symptoms I'm continuing to have, but mildly, but others are coming back. My eyes feel like they are swollen and scratchy, there is a lot of pressure behind them, but rubbing them and eye drops don't help. My stomach is active all the time now, growling and aching, whether I eat or not. My teeth are hurting again; between them and my stomach, more than half the time I don't want to eat. The patchy itching has subsided a little, but now the stabbing/poking feeling is back. I generally feel awful.

 

Right now, I feel like a burden, a drain to everyone and completely useless. It hasn't been this bad, since before I finished tapering. Just thinking about it, makes me cry. 

 

[Heath]

@StayHopeful

I am sorry you hit a wave.
yes the holidays bring external stresses and why does it seem every year around this time other extra things come up that have to be done 🤷‍♂️. 
 

I Felt it start building a little after thanksgiving but just keep going and going the holiday hustle, running here and there, Schedule was off not being able to walk in woods , sleep off etc. . and it hit me about a week or so ago  maybe 2 . Anxiety, sensitive ears and eyes, no concentration etc. So I made myself walk after work , didn’t want to, and after 3 days much  much better. Thought I was gonna have to dunk in the bowl of ice water again but didn’t. 
 

Even good stress is stressful on our sensitive nerves. 
 

Can you walk anywhere in nature? Or sit with friend on bank of lake or creek? 
 

2 hours ago, StayHopeful said:

can't judge other's intentions. A compliment or joking, said in certain ways, seems nefarious. I start to become anxious, wanting to stay as far away as possible. 

 

This is very familiar with me and I will add with me when I feel closer to stable that sometimes I have become resentful or angry at said person because not reading conversation clearly. And this is definitely not me. I stop myself and say wait minute this is wd. 
 

Im glad you see the real thing during all this. It’s hard to do while in the throes of it. 

 

keep putting one foot in front of the other, distracting with sudoku and games etc ! 

It will pass ! 

sending prayers and good vibes your way!!

[StayHopeful]

@Heath

 

Thank you so much for your support and reassurance!!

I'm so sorry that you hit a wave too. So glad that you're doing better and that you didn't have to dunk. The holidays make it hard, even when you're not in withdrawal, such a busy time of year. 

 

I haven't felt like this in a while and didn't realize over the course of the last several weeks that I was going into a wave. I'd gotten used to the emotional roller coaster and felt like I was managing it pretty well, then boom, down on the floor. I think the Dr appts and having to go out of town recently, is what precipitated and started it. Now within the week, we have contractors coming to our home and we have to move and change some things, before they arrive. I'm very busy and it doesn't leave too much time for relaxation, except at night - that's when I research, read, listen to music and look for positives. I had hoped the distraction of all that's happening would help get my mind off the worsening social anxiety and physical symptoms, but it's only made it worse. 

 

I appreciate the suggestions. I only have acquaintances, no real "friends" per say to hang out with or to understand. I don't have any real nature areas, a lake or creek nearby. However, I do have a nice back yard and at some point, make some time to sit back there. I am very thankful that so far, I've been able to fall asleep pretty quick and get about 3 hrs. worth before having to use the bathroom, then I sometimes fall back to sleep. A month or so ago, to keep the morning adrenaline surges at bay, I started getting out of bed when I can't rest anymore, it helps.

 

Thank you for sharing that you also have the same thoughts regarding people. It's not me to be that way either. I don't want to be so paranoid. I hate walking on eggshells and have my family walk on eggshells around me and I feel so guilty about it. My body feels so crumby right now and sometimes, I get pulsing waves everywhere, when I lay down. So, I take a larger sip of my magnesium water and some decaf tea, to try to calm it.  I have to I keep reminding myself that this will pass, as hard as it is at the moment, and I'll keep doing my best to hang in here until it does. 

 

Again, thank you so much!!! I hope your day goes well and you feel good too!!

[Heath]

I would say you been busy enough for sure right in midst of holidays!!! 
dr visits are enough to set off a wave by themselves!  

[StayHopeful]

Update:

 

Seem to be finally coming out of my wave.  It's been a long one, over a month, the longest since tapering. Previous waves would be short in duration - a couple hrs. to a couple days, however, I've been very busy and dealing with stressors since before Christmas. Between the holidays, Dr appts, and home improvements, it was more than my system could handle. So, it's no wonder I've been feeling horrible. At this point I'm just tired, tired of everything I've been dealing with, and I still have a few things to do. I just want calm and relaxation, but also know that I'm going to have to create my own, because once all this is done, something else will come up - such is life.

 

Mentally:

During this wave, I've been a mess. A lot of symptoms - anxiety, fear, rumination, paranoia, guilt, brain fog, irritation, feelings of worthlessness and a lot of crying. Decisions have been very hard to make, and I ended up second guessing everything I did. I was constantly worried that I'd make the wrong choice, going over and over again about different possible outcomes.  Plus, expressing concerns to people outside my family, made me extremely anxious. Distraction has been paramount, though I hadn't been able to do what I'd normally do. I tried to stay busy, not think and keep going. I was constantly reminding myself that this is all temporary, and it'll pass.

 

Physically:

I've had sporadic itching of the bottom of my feet and back, morning adrenaline surges, shaking episodes and fatigue. I did my best to ignore a lot of physical aches and pains because I needed to help move furniture and stuff. Whether that made my mental symptoms worse, I'm not sure, since I was feeling those before the home improvements were being done. I was able to get some sleep most nights, but several I didn't sleep at all.

 

Good things:

I've been forcing myself to go do things, even driving, no matter how bad I felt, was uncomfortable or scared. Though, initially, I'd come up with every excuse for why I couldn't or didn't want to, but I did it anyway. My family would want me to do things with them, and I wanted to be around them instead of hiding and staying home. I feel so guilty for putting them through all this. They've put up with all my ups and downs (even when they're frustrated) and I'm so grateful to them. No matter how bad I feel, I make sure that they always know how much I love and appreciate them. 

Now that I'm coming out of the wave, I can go back to working on healing from any emotional baggage that I've been carrying around (numb to and ignored while on meds). I didn't ruminate on things I'd made progress on previously.