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UpsAndDowns: 3 doses of sertraline - windows and waves


UpsAndDowns

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Hi! I wish to document my withdrawal experience here. I’m 21 years old.  I started taking sertraline in August 2022 for what was really rather annoying if not terrible OCD. Not long after, I felt that I really should not be on medication, that there was value in my overcoming my OCD through therapy, good habits, and other things. I had actually planned to stop after my second dose, but waited a day and changed my mind, taking a third and final dose of the medication. It seems that the third dose caused some terrible kindling - I had terrible anxiety and was extremely dissociated and emotionally numb, though generally in a positive mood. I also had bad side effects (sexual side effects, bruxism, and more) and had extreme anxiety and dissociation after my last dose of the drug. So I stopped for good after that. 
 

Honestly, I’m not sure where I’m at with this whole withdrawal thing. For the first month after stopping sertraline, I was actually in a good way. Sure, I complained about emotional numbness, sexual dysfunction, and a diminished sense of taste. I also had TERRIBLE neuro-emotions. But I was physically very well! I rejoiced because I didn’t have anhedonia and could do a lot of activities with great interest, and I did try to be proactive about healing - getting sun and eating fish oil and getting exercise. My sense of taste, appetite, and sexual function improved as well. But my complaint was that something felt different. I had a blank mind and my emotions were not all present. Also, my sexual function was not completely back, and I kept using that as a measurement of my recovery. (Wrong!!! It was completely unrelated to my ability to enjoy a good meal, engage in work and hobbies, etc. - in my case, I did all of those things while experiencing sexual dysfunction, and it was silly to think it had an outsized effect.) 

 

In hindsight, though, things were very good and have unfortunately gotten worse. I think after my long window in September, I firmly hit a wave a few weeks ago this month (October). My mistake throughout September was reading PSSD forums and discussions that made me think I was absolutely positively in the dumps, resulting in me complaining and despairing. I worry that all my neuro-emotion and anger from that time has aggravated a lot of pain and anxiety. So has my pushing myself to socialize with friends, as well as my frustrating my whole family with terrible neuro-emotional outbursts. I can almost identify the particular one that plummeted me into my current wave - I was screaming and crying, and things only got harder from there (I felt physical fatigue and the seeds of my current symptoms right after). If only I did not activate my neuro-emotions so much of the time… it would have been much easier to read a book! 
 

Currently, I have what feels like bad neuropathy - skin sensations being uncomfortable through out my body - and increased emotional numbness, cognitive dysfunction, and anhedonia, perhaps because my nervous system is so overwhelmed right now….. And I may not have truly gotten any restorative sleep recently due to the neuropathy. I feel physically sick and mentally extremely slow, whereas before I felt emotional and mental malaise but could have take my mind off it so much more easily. (Music, books, shows, word games, and exercise are all great for that.) I don’t feel like I’m in a state of flow, and thoughts don’t flow from my mind as fluently as they usually do when I write. 

 

The positive interpretation of my situation is that the influence of the SSRI is truly wearing off on me, and my body can now finally truly discover its old homeostasis without the cushion of the SSRI I may still have had in September. The negative interpretation… is irrelevant for me right now. I’m trying to take it slow, not be too stimulated, and take good care of myself.
 

I do have some questions: have people have been through similar things and lived to tell the tale? More specifically, has anyone else had neuro-emotions really throw a wrench in things, but still find their way back to a window? 
 

Also, I want to make clear that I’m not interested in reinstatement; my long term goal is to heal from this experience without an SSRI. I do believe in the possibility. 

 

I’m also really thankful that this website exists and that so many people have compiled all these amazing resources to help people heal and get off antidepressants. 


Also, before I update my signature, here is my drug history: 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

 


 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to UpsAndDowns: 3 doses of sertraline - windows and waves

Bumping with a bit more information!
 

I do not drink alcohol or use drugs, and I do not plan to do either in the future, knowing how my nervous system has been sensitized. 
 

I am also somewhat interested in reinstatement, though I would prefer to avoid it, since I think healing happens off meds and SSRIs carry the risk of more stressful effects. If I were to reinstate, it would be with a liquid solution and at 1 mg or even less to start. I think it goes pre-WD > on SSRIs > WD in that order; the question is whether WD is really that much worse than the alternative. I would think that it’s not right now and that eventually it becomes better than the alternative. That’s why I am not so enthusiastic about reinstatement.  
 

I do not take any supplements regularly, but I have taken fish oil, B vitamins, and curcumin. Fish oil has probably been the most helpful out of these supplements, and I may take it again. Too bad the current batch of fish oil I have is rancid! It’s a bummer that the newest batches of fish oil straight from the grocery store can be that way. Unless it’s actually okay to have slightly smelly fish oil, I may have to hold off until the next trip to the grocery store, haha. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi there, and welcome aboard, @UpsAndDowns

And okay I am seeing your signature now.  Thank you.

 

On 10/29/2022 at 10:14 AM, UpsAndDowns said:

I do have some questions: have people have been through similar things and lived to tell the tale? More specifically, has anyone else had neuro-emotions really throw a wrench in things, but still find their way back to a window? 

 

Okay, so you found the neuroemotions topic and information.  Good, good.  And yes, yes most definitely most of us do find our way back to a Window.

 

No previous trials of medications like these?  Psychoactive or psychiatric medications.

 

You'll be interested in this topic below if you haven't already seen it:

 

Immediate adverse reactions to an antidepressants or within a few doses? How long for recovery?

Do check the other topics mentioned and linked to in the first post there too.

 

You mention kindling, and so I'll also give you the link to our topic:

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

I don't know what you might have seen already and read.  And now you'll have your own little reference section, in your own Introduction topic.

 

I would not reinstate in I were you.  After an adverse reaction to a medication/drug......reinstatement is not a great idea.  In fact, you might wish to avoid any drugs like sertraline in the future.

 

Try to stay away from herbal remedies now.

The only 2 supplements we endorse are:

BASIC SUPPLEMENT TOOLKIT

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Start with one or the other.  And start with a low dose, observe, and get up to dosage if doing okay.  Most members do find these to be calming.  Don't overdo though.  Like you, many of us have had a lot of hypersensitivities too.  So proceed slowly.  Only one new thing at a time.

The links are long on the supplements above.  Best is to start with the first post in topic and then those immediately after, and you should be able to find what you need.  Or ask, here in your  Introduction thread if you cannot find the answers you seek.

 

Are you seeing any improvement in your symptoms?

 

Windows are good.  Windows are often a sign of healing or moving towards stabilization and re-balance or homeostasis.

See the:  Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

 

And......are any of your symptoms similar to what you tried sertraline for to begin with?  If they are.......you might find more in the way of non-drug coping to help with those symptoms.  Some do engage talk therapists, who can also help you learn and practice non-drug coping too.  So that's why I ask that.

 

And oh, a couple more links to  topics that you might find helpful:

Obessive compulsive disorder or OCD: Repetitive intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors

Health anxiety, hypochondria and obsession with symptoms

 

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your case, give updates, communicate with other members and staff here, and just keep a record of your journey.  One Introduction per member.  So mark this page please for your use and to communicate with us here.

 

I hope I got to most of your questions.  And do let us know how we might further help.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and recovery,

manymoretodays

Edited by manymoretodays
links, more links, added notification

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thanks manymoretodays for the response with all the links and the answers to my questions! 

I read the links on hypersensitivity and ADRs. I think what I experienced was hypersensitivity after a missed dose… completely the opposite of what I expected to happen. (I had thought that my body would react more or less the same way every time I took sertraline, but that last dose I took seemed to have seriously overwhelmed my nervous system. Now I know that the nervous system, more often than not, can’t handle this yo-yo between different states.) I don’t know if it was really an ADR or just expected “start-up effects,” so it’s possible my situation is more like a typical CT. 

 

I see some improvement in symptoms. I am experiencing less anhedonia, brain fog. Still, I definitely continue to have the emotional numbness, neuropathic sensations, sexual dysfunction, and so much neuro-regret. Neuro-regret because I really was in situational overwhelm, to borrow the phrase from your signature. I didn’t particularly need assistance from psychiatric medications at all, and in fact, I exposed myself to so much harm by trying them! I feel restricted in a lot of my activities, which hurts because I felt that way before WD, but to so much less of an extent. 

 

Okay, despite this doom and gloom, I feel like I found my way back to a window, just as you said. A pleasant surprise, as I was ready to embrace being firmly in a wave. I think someone on this forum (who recovered) said that taking care of the physical worked for them as much as taking care of the mental… and I think that’s worked for me. I have been meditating, eating quite healthy, going on walks, taking cold showers, and these things have been the most helpful for me in WD. Despite feeling “restricted,” I still feel I can do a lot of things if I set my mind to them - granted, nothing too intense, because I don’t want to start the next wave right away. 
 

Definitely not considering reinstatement anymore due to my windows/waves, which tell me that WD is not such a bad place to be. (Also, my previous experience with sertraline was definitely not good — too many unpredictable side effects and my previous hypersensitivity tells me what could happen if I did reinstate.) No more herbal remedies, either. I may get my hands on some more fish oil, but happily, I also eat fish quite frequently, so I don’t see as much urgency to get fish oil in supplement form! Maybe the fish consumption has contributed to the start of my present window. 
 

Some of my symptoms are similar to what I experienced before sertraline. I will be sure to use the non-drug techniques; they’re my best bet. In fact, most of the discussion about OCD is about non-drug methods of treating it - strategies to reshape your thinking over time. It can be a hard struggle, and that is why people (including myself) often turn to psychiatric medication to supplement therapy… but in my case, the relative difficulty of using only non-drug methods is well worth it. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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The window continues to open. It may end with another wave, but whatever happens, I will make the most out of it. Too bad there’s still a lot of emotional numbness and what might be DP. I still don’t feel out of WD and might not for a while…

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh and that is wonderful news.

I forgot a really good topic/link for you I believe.

So here is that, a wise member wrote it:
Techniques for Managing an Adverse Reaction or Cold Turkey Withdrawal

 

And I am hearing healing as I read your last post.  And that will to get through whatever.  Take a real good note of this window.  Write about it, or come back to read about it so you believe it IF you go wavish again.  You might not.......(go wavish again)

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thanks manymoretodays for the encouragement! 
 

The thread you linked is very helpful. The one modification I would make for myself is to not seek reassurance as much as “change the channel” when doubts and fears about WD come up in my mind - this is great advice I saw in another thread, I think from Altostrata or brassmonkey. 

 

I’m continuing to embrace the window, though it is not without neuro-emotions. My number one strategy against these emotions is to distract and do constructive activities every day - most importantly, tending to the physical. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Ugh, the neuroemotions were very strong today. Again, I would be better off just distracting myself and not thinking these emotions had any meaning. It really comes at too high of a cost. 
 

Does anyone else get scared though when they feel they are a long long way from home? That WD has messed up the body and mind so drastically that it’s hard to imagine recovery being possible? I was really feeling like this in the morning, sadly. I could be managing things okay, but once it is obvious to myself that I am in WD, I start to miss pre-WD life sorely and wonder just how I can endure WD. 
 

The scariest feelings come after socializing, actually. I find that it’s hard for me to laugh fully, so often I’m just grinning at people or laughing but in an unsatisfying way. I am very thankful that I can stay in the conversation most of the time - I think it’s a great thing. However, the feelings of depersonalization and blankness are so intense, and they really have me afraid for myself afterwards. So I guess socializing can send me into wave-ish states if it’s too high energy. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Slowly changing the channel… It’ll get better. It’s important to hold still, endure, and do what one can. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Still in a window and my brain fog is almost completely gone these days, but there are still neuro-emotions, DP/DR, and physical symptoms… emotional numbness too.

 

Neuro-emotions are the most difficult: fear, worry, not knowing how long this will last. DP/DR is a close second - I didn’t lose my brains or my razor-sharp wit ;) or my usual emotional responses to things or anything! but the sensation of DP/DR and related emotional numbness puts a rather pronounced veil over all of it.  

 

My challenges for myself and general advice would be to control what I take in. Clearly activities that help me physically are good… calming conversations with friends… fulfilling work (even if emotional numbness reduces the sense of fulfillment)… and to an extent, recreational activities like watching a show or movie. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

This is good news UpsAndDowns,

And it sounds like you are managing very well with some non-drug coping.  Not to underscore what you've gone through or are going through.

I really think you will be in good shape to deal with just your presenting symptoms that you tried sertraline for in the first place, very soon.  Once you recover from the ? trigger of the herbal medicine, on your now sensitized nervous system.

 

I am hopeful, in other words that you will be back to baseline fairly quickly.  I mean months does not seem quick enough, but I can't wait until you are reporting feeling like the last of your adverse reaction effects are over.

 

Thanks for updating, AND sharing what has worked for you, helped you.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thank you manymoretodays for another supportive and encouraging post!

 

My windows are still very affected by neuro-emotions, I must say. I haven’t done a great job of staying away from emotions like regret and fear… which in itself makes me feel unsatisfied. The biggest stumbling block: I am less and less accepting of my original decision to start an SSRI. 
 

I think I‘m about to hit a wave, and I made the mistake of risking sensitization again with schisandra, which I thought could help with sexual dysfunction. I wonder if it has anything to do with my current brain fog and increased anhedonia. Ouch! Better not look for any quick and dirty (mostly dirty) shortcuts out of anything. 
 

There are still things I can do to ride through the wave, but it seems to be more difficult. Thanksgiving coming up is making me anxious, and I have even more fear of ADWD lasting for a long time. I need to remember that it has to be measured in months. I need to think of healing and all the success stories out there in so many forms. It looks like usually the ingredients to success aren’t more complicated than time, hope, and taking decent care of oneself. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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I want to add that I’m planning to make AAF (acknowledge, accept, float) a much bigger part of my WD living toolkit. Food doesn’t taste as good? AAF. Emotions aren’t hitting as hard when expected? AAF. It isn’t easy at all, but you get to “floating” sooner or later. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Reporting back with a window and considerably less intense neuro-emotion, which was a huge problem before. And slightly more “regular emotion.” I have found better outlets for the neuro-emotions and I guess I am doing more every day - primarily taking care of the physical. This is still clearly WD to me though and not “baseline.” 
 

What also helps is sorting through and resolving the stressors, sources of frustration, etc. that not only led me to start medication, but also make WD harder to handle.
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Slight dip, but attitude is everything, in addition to physical exercise.

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Oh no, it’s a wave. Maybe it was brought on by me being sensitized (still looking for shortcuts), or not enough sleep, or it was just time. I hope I will come out with a clearer window - this last one was very clear. I definitely have thoughts of “I can’t handle this” and “this is too much,” though, and I am not above reinstatement and a slow taper… although that could cause an adverse reaction in itself right now. Well, I did see the progress my body was able to make. I can believe when people talk about healing in WD. And as for right now, I really must keep doing what I’ve been doing, minus trying risky supplements and foods. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Back in a window - sort of WDnormal though and not quite like my earlier window this month. It might be that I’m still a little wave-ish or on the tail end of a wave. Sensitization is not the greatest feeling and known sensitizers should be avoided, but I do remind myself that I have windows, and that makes me less fearful. I am also grateful for this pleasant window right now. 
 

The best parts of this window are emotional in nature: not having as much neuro-emotion, not feeling as emotionally numb (which means having emotions that aren’t the uncontrolled neuro-anger over WD), and feeling more drive to take care of the physical and spend my time in good ways. (tending to physical wellness as I wrote before, working, reading, cooking, talking to people I care about, learning new things, listening to music) 

 

I haven’t gotten as much into the holiday spirit this year, but I can make the effort. My mood this year is unusually more reflective and cozy - a lot like “Christmastime is Here” (slow, soft choir and piano, no bells and whistles). Too bad because I usually like Bing Crosby and more upbeat Christmas carols etc.! But WD calls for some skillful adaptation. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Window continues! It really does get better. I am more intentional about how I spend my time than ever. I feel so much less emotionally numb though still in a state of WD. Neuro-emotions are still present, but I’m continuing to find outlets for them.
 

Supplement report: Fish oil is great for me. Aside from knowing the health benefits (good for heart, anti-inflammatory), I think it gives a mood boost. I completely see how fish oil is one of the only supplements that this forum recommends. 

 

I’m avoiding taking anything in too large an amount save for vitamins and fish oil (and curcumin from time to time). I did just take a B-complex that had a small dose of inositol in it. It might be helpful, but I’m going to be careful with it… I’m not planning to take it regularly unless the positive effects are pronounced. 
 

Trader Joe’s B complex is all right for me too - inoffensive but with a nice effect. Either because of the magnesium and L-Theanine in it, or because of a placebo effect, I feel rather calm after taking it. I’m not taking it regularly though.
 

Diet status: minimal MINIMAL processed foods eaten, but recent diet has been more carb heavy than usual. I’m glad that I haven’t needed to make major changes in my diet, but I do think some adjustments to my gut health could help me right now, with probiotics, oil of oregano, or coconut oil. 

 

Candid admission: I do think about reinstatement or taking some other psych medication often, but the windows I experience make this desire very small. You bet that my perspective on psych drugs has changed, and that I value non-drug coping and introspection more than ever - definitely more than I value drugs. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Well, inositol is not without its downsides. It feels like some “normalcy” is grafted onto my WD-normal… which is a weird feeling in itself. I think it also contributes to some emotional numbness and dissociation. Not good after I recovered so many of my emotions! but this isn’t my first rodeo. 
 

I don’t feel the need to take inositol anymore now - as it turns out, I have become more capable of accepting and even embracing “WD normal” with minimal usage of supplements. Despite the fear and the awareness of WD, lots of things have managed to interest me, bring me comfort and hope and emotion etc. in WD normal. And so, I think it continues to be fine if I do not take any supplements beyond fish oil and a basic B-complex. Business as usual is better than bouncing from supplement to supplement. 
 

I want to emphasize for anyone reading this that things often do get better. Here are some of my own takeaways, although they may be mostly for WDnormal and not so applicable for strong waves or akathisia:

- AAF is important.
- Taking care of the physical is extremely important (it doesn’t have to be any specific diet or exercise routine either).

- Wim Hof breathing is a simple but effective technique to try. 

- Sexual dysfunction doesn’t mean you have an inherently worse form of WD or that you can’t experience other kinds of pleasure.

- Anhedonia and emotional numbness can be fluctuating things; they got better as I accepted my WD situation and took care of the physical. They are not things to be scared of, although they can feel quite uncomfortable. (Brassmonkey wrote a post that started with something like “I have anhedonia and I don’t care” - worth a read!)

- Finding some regular activities is good. The best sources of “hedonia” for me were sights and sounds on walks, books, exercise (eventually became more vigorous once I could manage it - makes a difference!), music, a select few good shows and games. 

- Note windows and waves. Windows because you get to embrace them, make the most of them, and not give up. Waves because you might be able to say “okay I am in a wave” and move on. 

- Reflect on life.

- Read valuable posts from the “best of SurvivingAntidepressants” thread (my favorite is one by Nadia, I may quote it in another reply) and apply their wisdom. Hope everyone has a low-stress and calm new year 🙂 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Lessons: my scare about the herbal medicine eventually passed - yes I get anxious about it setting back my recovery but the difference is not enough for me to care. same for the schisandra - eventually I didn’t feel so affected by it. and now I hope the same for inositol. At this point, not interested in taking risky supplements at all anymore and feel so much more at peace! 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Happy New Year!

 

I am sadly in a bit of a wave… I feel a lot more emotionally numb - not as capable of connecting with other people in conversations and not as excited about things as I was able to be in my last window. But it’s really something, how much progress I made and how much I am capable of doing while in withdrawal.  

 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Ooooh.  Yes.  Your progress is great overall.  Don't forget that UpsAndDowns.

I have no doubt you will see complete healing.

I love your posts to everyone above.  What has helped.

What you found on site.

And just your due diligence with this process.

 

Happy New Year to you too my friend!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you, manymoretodays! 
 

I am still in a wave, needing to get more sleep and exercise. But this wave is less intense than previous waves, and I actually have had a few windows within the wave.
 

My skin sensations have gotten much better, but have worsened a little in the past couple of days. The same is true for anhedonia and emotional numbness - better for a time but returning to a low baseline. Just re-read this post by brassmonkey that I mentioned before: 

Just keeping it simple and stable for now, and indeed, as time goes on, I find myself gradually browsing this forum less. I am so grateful for the advice and encouragement I have found on here though. I will certainly continue to find support here in particular. The admins and mods demonstrate an optimism, hope and focus on healing and self-care, which is most helpful for me at the moment. 

 

In my time away from this site, I’m working, finding acceptance, and reminding myself of the things I listed in my earlier reply. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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The worst wave in a while, but it comes after some of the clearest windows in a while. I’ve heard this happens, but it’s also scary not knowing if this is a “wave” or a “crash,” and it’s a let-down in contrast to my previous windows. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Ugh! It’s just too bad. I know, intellectually, that it’s not over until it’s over — an intense wave can come after a very clear window. The windows and waves thread on this forum really attests to that phenomenon. 
 

But this wave is something different. And I know it’s normal to feel this way during a wave, but I find myself thinking “you didn’t know brain fog till now. You didn’t know anhedonia. You didn’t know numbness.” Every withdrawal symptom has gotten more intense than I remember them being for a while, and all the things I typically do to unwind are not as effective. I hope this improves through time and effort. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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A longer post ahead.
 

For transparency (although this makes it sound much more serious than it is), even though I talked about swearing off supplements beyond the most basic kinds, I haven’t kept my word. I haven’t been able to completely stay away from trying things that I *thought* could “prolong” my windows or strengthen them, but clearly cannot. It’s just not a good practice. In other circles people talk about “crashing” from XYZ and that scares me immensely. I’m not sure if there’s a thread that covers anything similar on this forum, but I will look for it… I do know there are people like pug who took more than one drug but made it to the other side, so that will be my source of hope. Meanwhile, I want to make sure that my stints of “trying things” never happen again. They are understandable, I’m only human, etc. but even so… I’ll keep to daily fish oil for peace of mind. Taking nothing makes me nervous (even though it shouldn’t, I have to acknowledge it), but taking something too strong is bad - fish oil is right in the middle. 
 

My windows were so clear - even if I didn’t fully cherish them at the time. I would marvel at views on walks, listen to a wealth of music, read, watch movies, be productive, lightly socialize, generally be fascinated by a ton of things and have a sense of excitement and anticipation throughout. Exercising certainly helped propel this window. There was still a WD weirdness that pervaded a lot of things, sure, and some fear about new symptoms (visual snow and light sensitivity). I need to figure out how to not let that disrupt the overall progress I’m making. There should be a way for me to affirmatively say “that’s nice, that’s good” when I experience some such thing and keep me grounded. 
 

In some ways, I feel like I have gotten some of my pre-sertraline issues back, and it isn’t as refreshing or relieving as I thought. (Think about it - why else would I have taken sertraline in the first place?!) It actually frustrates me a bit, because while it once seemed like I could “make the best of both worlds” - my brain’s natural healing coupled with sertraline having ameliorated lots of my old issues - I am not sure now. Well, it could also be a wave phenomenon, as it does bear some similarities to my earlier WD, and even while typing this, I feel like it could be clearing up soon. We will see. 
 

My experience of previous windows gives me hope, however. I’m glad I logged some parts of them in this thread, and I will probably continue to in the future. Right now, my mind feels more hopeful - anxious and cautious, but hopeful and less scared. Wave or not, I’ve made a lot of progress with how to navigate this whole thing - I feel so much more clear headed about what to do and what not to do. 
 

Removing “I can’t” from my vocabulary is important, too. That sort of judgment has had a VERY poor track record of helping. 
 

Blanket avoiding “bad” stuff doesn’t help, either. This forum’s focus on tapering extends to a lot of other stuff in life - quitting something cold turkey is never easy, but a gradual reduction is very useful. So I will try to do this for all the undesirable stuff I might be doing right now. 
 

Reinstatement is always on the back of my mind, though it isn’t a guarantee of anything. It just seems difficult to imagine a full recovery of my emotions, sensations, memory, cognition etc. when left just to my own devices. I am so craving the extent of the excitement, activity, humor, depth of emotion, etc. that I had before WD and that I did have while on the sertraline (albeit with side effects). It’s such an annoying thing to think about though, so much so that I wish I never tried sertraline in the first place and doubled down on my non-drug techniques - but beyond that, a more concerted effort at self-reflection, self-improvement, and leaning onto my support networks. But when I can, I’ll try to remind myself of what’s there. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • Mentor
48 minutes ago, UpsAndDowns said:

Removing “I can’t” from my vocabulary is important, too. That sort of judgment has had a VERY poor track record of helping. 

 

 Love this! I've been trying to say, "I'll try," or "I'm trying," when "I can't" pops up. I really enjoyed reading your update, very relatable to how I'm feeling today, thank you for sharing.

 

49 minutes ago, UpsAndDowns said:

a more concerted effort at self-reflection, self-improvement, and leaning onto my support networks.

 

I'm really seeing the importance of this as I ride this med-changing ride! Talking to people, reflecting, processing what feelings are coming up... they're all little lifelines that are helping keep going. Glad we can all connect like this and talk about what's going on for us! Hope you're having a lovely day.

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Wave is subsiding. I realized how poor my sleep schedule was (contrary to what I thought, it had little to do with insomnia, just not choosing to sleep early) and adjusted it accordingly. It definitely helps. 



 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Waveish today still…
 

There is no other path forward but to accept the current state of being I find myself in and continue all the good practices I’ve been implementing. I hope to make up for what I overlooked in the past by simply doing it in the present. I do hope I can get more exercise and start listening to entire music albums and audiobooks again - that’s something I’ve put off due to this wave, and it may not be as satisfying in a wave, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. 
 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Still in a wave, but have resolved to do my best to be content. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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I’m afraid to suddenly change the tone of my postings, but I need to blow off some steam right now. I’m so disappointed that I have plummeted into such a difficult wave.
 

I do have a lot of stress now that I didn’t have before, but some other part of me thinks this is a disastrous state of affairs and that I’ll not be able to return to that stability from before. All of this describes a wave, I know, yet I’m apprehensive. 

 

I’m reading right now, and thinking about how I can’t seem to immerse myself in reading like I could before, but still trying to do it. I am also continuing to feel a lot of the things I wrote about in my earlier post - I miss some of the things I had during my window (though maybe they’re still there, just obscured by my anxiety), and I’m thinking about how I can more proactively notice the good things during a window or WD. 
 

I am vaguely feeling down and frustrated - maybe this is a new, more subdued neuro-emotion. And with the lovely encouragement I’ve gotten on this forum, I feel like I’ve let more people than myself down with this wave and I feel like I’ve failed by (possibly) triggering it. That’s really hard to sit with. That because of my own actions, I can’t just simply be calmed by nature or a good book or music anymore. And when I could, I didn’t appreciate it nearly enough - I should have been like “yes!!! this is so great!!” And then I probably wouldn’t have experimented with more supplements like I did. 
 

I just so, SO hope this is a wave that will make way for a window. And if I could relive my previous windows, I would be much more optimistic and positive than I was. Maybe I can be optimistic and positive right now too. Probably. 
 

The main silver lining to this situation is that healing and returning to “baseline” might just involve this kind of discomfort, because my “baseline” was obviously not a perfect place to begin with and I felt some OCD-related things that are very similar to what I feel now. I worry it isn’t the exact same or that it’s more “serious” now, but I will try to address it proactively. This is much like what I did before taking sertraline and with good results. 
 

Also, despite being in a wave generally, I have felt some physical improvements that were a pleasant surprise. 
 

But wow, this feels a lot more complicated than it did during my window. I’m seriously thinking to myself wow I don’t know where I am headed… what if I sabotaged my progress just now? 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Some actionable things I’m working on:

- diet - I can get myself back to a low-carb diet. 
- phone use - significantly decrease it. Replace it with meditating and reading. Listen to podcasts and audiobooks to minimize the physical and mental strain. 
- exercise - back to lifting weights and running. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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More of a window today! Ready to embrace it. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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Window continues, helped by exercise (treadmill walks on high incline), socializing, and other constructive activities. My appetite, emotions, and motivation are at good levels. I’ve also reached a level of acceptance about WD and am fearing it much less now. My last setback was bad compared to previous ones and I might still feel some of the effects, but I think my current window is looking to be clearer in a lot of aspects. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh man. This window isn’t as strong or as pleasant as my previous window. I have a lot more brain fog, and the rationality and composure that I had before (and that is always nicely demonstrated on this website by the more experienced users!) is dissipating… but I think this could have a lot more to do with how little I’ve been sleeping and how much time I spend on my phone these days. I feel as though the neuro-emotions are back too, mostly as sadness and regret… or maybe I’m less emotionally numb (which is good). 
 

Continue to hope for healing and do what I can to promote it… I’ll also be trawling through the forums for inspiring posts… or more positive accounts of similar experiences again. 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Can’t figure out where I am right now. It just seems like WDnormal with a fair mix of nice windows and frustrating waves. 
 

The positives:

- As I wrote, I no longer feel like I’m “on drugs” - some of the things I’m not too happy about are a clear indicator that I’m returning to baseline and as a result, I can meaningfully improve on them. It doesn’t feel as surreal and dizzying to go outside and talk to people and live. 
- I can think much more proactively about living my life and doing the things that I wish to do, whereas earlier I had been close to putting all of it on hold. 
- I am mostly not itching to figure out a “cure” or a “solution” to my issues that doesn’t involve the simplest of strategies; this commitment started out in January and I wasn’t able to fully stick with it, but I have become increasingly committed to riding this whole thing out since then. 
- I’ve been able to begin meaningfully healing the things that frustrated me and negatively affected my mental state before starting the sertraline. 
 

The negatives:

- Still got moderate DP/DR in lots of situations; I find myself more easily overstimulated and irritated, but then again DP/DR and overstimulation is an appropriate reaction to the dysregulation in general. In a similar vein, I don’t always feel in touch with my emotions, but it would be a stretch to describe myself as “emotionally numb,” just more biased toward negative emotions than positive as of yet. 

- The physical symptoms haven’t completely remitted for me, so things like the sexual dysfunction and feeling less sensitive to touch can catch me off guard 
- Waves create a sense of loss and fear, inviting me to make comparisons in which the past compares favorably to the present 

 

 

In general, I think I have come a long way and I’m thankful to this website for  being a place for helpful support and encouragement - very rare on the Internet nowadays. 

 

Sertraline 25 mg, August 19, 20, and 22, 2022 

(possibly sensitized by some herbal medicine on October 22, 2022 - or maybe just a huge anxiety attack because I thought of the possibility - I haven’t mentioned it in the body of my intro topic because I think neuro-emotions are more relevant to what I’m currently feeling) 

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