s0lit4ry: PMDD, withdrawals or shot nervous system?

[s0lit4ry]

Hi everyone,

 

Nice to meet you all. Didn't want to begin with such a long winded post but really need some guidance.

 

Over the last 8mo I've had a whirlwind experience. THC overdose, subsequent panic disorder diagnosis, and a cocktail of drugs.

 

The Dr put me on 5mg Lexapro back in May. About 2wk later I became severely derealized (couldn't recognize parents) and suicidally depressed. I have never had depression before.

 

I dropped the lexapro CT. Following this I was referred to a psychiatrist who switched me to Zoloft min dose, which had a similar effect.

 

I dropped that CT as well after about 3wk and was given 25mg seroquel.

 

At first I began with 12.5mg and worked my way up, and things seemed to go ok for a month. Then I progressively began to derealize again, became severely depressed, hot flashes, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, burning skin, paranoia, etc while taking this drug - all of which were extremely magnified starting 2wk before my menstrual cycle. At one point, I split the dose into 12.5mg morning+evening to see if it would help but it did not, so I returned to evening dose 25mg after a few days.

 

Through October I titrated and am now at 0mg seroquel as of Nov 1. My titration "plan" included going down by 1/6 of the tablet every 5-7 days with an oil suspension. I could not go slower due to the extreme effects the med had on me. I took .25-.5mg of Ativan intermittently throughout the month to lessen the intensity of the panic attacks (last dose Nov 10).

 

My cycle is due Nov 20. I am having unbearable depression waves, no sex drive, no interest in hobbies, constant derealization, constant burning skin, no appetite, hot flashes, panic attacks, brain zaps, the list goes on. I can't work again. These symptoms did exist throughout all of last month but they are now incredibly magnified again.

 

I can say however I noticed a slight overall improvement going *off* the seroquel, as I am now able to enjoy music slightly, enjoy videogames slightly, open my work laptop get out of bed, think a bit clearer, and the DPDR has lessened maybe 30%.

 

So, what is this? Medication induced PMDD, withdrawals, or what? Did I screw it up more with the Ativan? Can someone give advice as to what my next steps should be?

 

Thank you for reading.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @s0lit4ry

 

I am sorry you have had fairly typical adverse effects of psychiatric drugs.

 

On 11/15/2022 at 5:28 AM, s0lit4ry said:

My cycle is due Nov 20. I am having unbearable depression waves, no sex drive, no interest in hobbies, constant derealization, constant burning skin, no appetite, hot flashes, panic attacks, brain zaps, the list goes on. I can't work again. These symptoms did exist throughout all of last month but they are now incredibly magnified again.

 

You appear to have withdrawal symptoms from going off Seroquel too fast. Many women find their withdrawal symptoms worsen at times in their cycle.

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last week?

[s0lit4ry]

Hi Altostrata, thanks for replying

 

I'm really glad to hear it's typical. I haven't had any good advice from psych or Drs, all telling me I'm overly sensitive to meds and that it's some rare reaction. ("Can't be the meds") of course. 

 

I've def improved now 4d into my cycle. The DPDR seems to be slowly diminishing, albeit very slowly- from feeling totally "gone" to back on earth a little, but I am still aggravated by existential topics and too much light/visual stimuli, and a constant tension in my muscles.

 

I am working again for the moment, forcing myself out in public and to stay engaged. It was extremely difficult initially, but I'm finding it a bit easier as time goes on.

 

I feel slightly more engaged in my interests although the dysthymia is still pretty constant.

 

I will try to keep this updated so anyone with a similar reaction can read. 

 

Unfortunately I could not go off the medication slower as even extremely small doses caused me to be completely incapacitated. I'll take withdrawals instead.

 

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, @s0lit4ry

 

I am sorry you have had fairly typical adverse effects of psychiatric drugs.

 

 

You appear to have withdrawal symptoms from going off Seroquel too fast. Many women find their withdrawal symptoms worsen at times in their cycle.

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last week?

 

 

[Bestill]

I just wanted to let you know that when my period is due, my withdrawals are 10x worse.  I start to feel it sometimes two weeks before it comes, not awful, but usually gets stronger the closer I get and then by day 4 or 5 after, I start to see improvements.  This happens every month.  I even think every month I have a good long cry, say I don’t want to do this anymore and then I’m ok.

 

During this time, I just try to be very gentle with myself, keep my mind busy, meditate, lay on a acupressure mat and anything else that is soothing.

 

You are not alone. 
 

❤️

[s0lit4ry]

1 hour ago, Bestill said:

I just wanted to let you know that when my period is due, my withdrawals are 10x worse.  I start to feel it sometimes two weeks before it comes, not awful, but usually gets stronger the closer I get and then by day 4 or 5 after, I start to see improvements.  This happens every month.  I even think every month I have a good long cry, say I don’t want to do this anymore and then I’m ok.

 

During this time, I just try to be very gentle with myself, keep my mind busy, meditate, lay on a acupressure mat and anything else that is soothing.

 

You are not alone. 
 

❤️

 

Hi Bestill,

 

Thanks for responding. Not happy we're both suffering, but glad to know I'm not the only one. It definitely does feel lonely with everyone else around me just functioning like normal.

 

Also glad to hear the menstruation thing is normal. Mine get way worse on basically the exact day I ovulate. I'll just be sitting there and suddenly feel a change, like I'll suddenly become more prone to panic. I can literally feel the change, I don't know how to explain it. Does that resonate with you?

 

Even now while in my "good weeks" I am finding it hard. For me the constant DPDR is the symptom I hate the most. Would rather just have everything else x5 than that one thing, tbh.

[Bestill]

I can totally relate to ovulation time.  My thing is anxiety, however, if I feel symptoms during ovulation my withdrawal is a little weaker and more manageable.  If I feel more symptoms the week before the week, it’s worse.  This is what im experiencing right now.

 

the way you feel about your DPDR, I feel about my air hunger.  My withdrawal would be much easier with out it.

 

one day at a time.  Keep being gentle with yourself.  ❤️

[s0lit4ry]

Update: Still constant anxiety but general dysthymia seems to be lifting a bit more, minus the depression waves. Still having the burns but am able to enjoy some things now like videogames and movies. Withdrawals also seem to have morphed into sharp chest pains that come in bunches once or twice a day. Feels like someone takes an ice pick and pushes it into my chest for about 5 seconds then pulls it out. 

[Altostrata]

Withdrawal symptoms tend to come in waves and change into other symptoms. See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

[s0lit4ry]

Alright day 14 post-menstruation and the sudden increase in anxiety hit me last night. Don't feel as depressed and I'm able to study and enjoy work but feel on the literal edge of a full blown panic attack at every waking moment now. Constant DPDR still. I feel more terrified of it but slightly less of the "floaty" feeling that I felt when I first went off the meds.

 

If I go into a full blown panic attack I find it very difficult to come down from the adrenaline rush (last time I had one I couldn't work or sleep for weeks) but I'm also thinking that using Ativan at this point post-attack would not be a good idea as it might upset my NS even more? What are your thoughts, Alto, or anyone?

 

I can't reinstate the seroquel as it makes me incredibly depressed and suicidal to the point where I'm unable to work or leave bed.

 

Thanks

[Dragoon909]

On 11/15/2022 at 8:28 AM, s0lit4ry said:

Hi everyone,

 

Nice to meet you all. Didn't want to begin with such a long winded post but really need some guidance.

 

Over the last 8mo I've had a whirlwind experience. THC overdose, subsequent panic disorder diagnosis, and a cocktail of drugs.

 

The Dr put me on 5mg Lexapro back in May. About 2wk later I became severely derealized (couldn't recognize parents) and suicidally depressed. I have never had depression before.

 

I dropped the lexapro CT. Following this I was referred to a psychiatrist who switched me to Zoloft min dose, which had a similar effect.

 

I dropped that CT as well after about 3wk and was given 25mg seroquel.

 

At first I began with 12.5mg and worked my way up, and things seemed to go ok for a month. Then I progressively began to derealize again, became severely depressed, hot flashes, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, burning skin, paranoia, etc while taking this drug - all of which were extremely magnified starting 2wk before my menstrual cycle. At one point, I split the dose into 12.5mg morning+evening to see if it would help but it did not, so I returned to evening dose 25mg after a few days.

 

Through October I titrated and am now at 0mg seroquel as of Nov 1. My titration "plan" included going down by 1/6 of the tablet every 5-7 days with an oil suspension. I could not go slower due to the extreme effects the med had on me. I took .25-.5mg of Ativan intermittently throughout the month to lessen the intensity of the panic attacks (last dose Nov 10).

 

My cycle is due Nov 20. I am having unbearable depression waves, no sex drive, no interest in hobbies, constant derealization, constant burning skin, no appetite, hot flashes, panic attacks, brain zaps, the list goes on. I can't work again. These symptoms did exist throughout all of last month but they are now incredibly magnified again.

 

I can say however I noticed a slight overall improvement going *off* the seroquel, as I am now able to enjoy music slightly, enjoy videogames slightly, open my work laptop get out of bed, think a bit clearer, and the DPDR has lessened maybe 30%.

 

So, what is this? Medication induced PMDD, withdrawals, or what? Did I screw it up more with the Ativan? Can someone give advice as to what my next steps should be?

 

Thank you for reading.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

 

I have to say definitely withdrawal. 

 

I have been struggling with derealization pretty bad the last month. Anyone who has to deal with it has my sympathy: it's a symptom I have the hardest time with. 

 

I'm certain many here can relate to your circumstances and symptoms. 

 

Hopefully,  you'll get things back on track soon. 

 

Good luck to you. 

[s0lit4ry]

16 hours ago, Dragoon909 said:

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

 

I have to say definitely withdrawal. 

 

I have been struggling with derealization pretty bad the last month. Anyone who has to deal with it has my sympathy: it's a symptom I have the hardest time with. 

 

I'm certain many here can relate to your circumstances and symptoms. 

 

Hopefully,  you'll get things back on track soon. 

 

Good luck to you. 

 

Hey, thanks for the thoughtful reply.

 

It's nice to know I'm not the only one. DR definitely sucks!

 

I find it helpful to keep remembering that I still have my reality testing intact even though I feel super weird. At the end of the day it's just a weird feeling, and when you stop being afraid of it, it goes away after withdrawal is over. Every day I'm practicing facing my fears and reminding myself that it can't continue to exist without anxiety. 

[Dragoon909]

17 minutes ago, s0lit4ry said:

 

Hey, thanks for the thoughtful reply.

 

It's nice to know I'm not the only one. DR definitely sucks!

 

I find it helpful to keep remembering that I still have my reality testing intact even though I feel super weird. At the end of the day it's just a weird feeling, and when you stop being afraid of it, it goes away after withdrawal is over. Every day I'm practicing facing my fears and reminding myself that it can't continue to exist without anxiety. 

 

Yeah, I've had it a month now. 

Feels like I have no emotion, time distortion and just out of it. 

I go for walks and tend to my pets, but it's like I cannot connect to nature or anything.  

I thought it was letting up, but it came back today. 

 

How does your derealization feel? I'm just curious. 

[s0lit4ry]

6 hours ago, Dragoon909 said:

 

Yeah, I've had it a month now. 

Feels like I have no emotion, time distortion and just out of it. 

I go for walks and tend to my pets, but it's like I cannot connect to nature or anything.  

I thought it was letting up, but it came back today. 

 

How does your derealization feel? I'm just curious. 

Mine feels the same, disconnected emotionally (even from my partner), like nothing around me is real, everything feels like its in hyper-color like I'm living a dream and I generally feel disconnected from my hobbies and interests and world news like I'm just floating through life half dead trapped in my body. Also on the verge of panic constantly.

 

But that being said.. Mine is definitely decreasing. What helped me the most is the Dare program. Learning to stop fearing the DR is the first step to letting go of it. Like my therapist said it's not about getting better at stopping the DR it's about getting better at having it. If you allow it to be present 24/7 without fighting it and integrate it into your life while you engage with your life (this was SO hard for me to do at first with withdrawal suicidal depression but you also have to let yourself be miserable) it'll just subside on its own. I barely even notice mine now except when I'm under a lot of fluorescent lights at the supermarket, but even that's fading.

 

Remember that it's a symptom of anxiety, so if the anxiety isn't present then it literally can't exist (I would only make one exception to that and say meds/withdrawals cause it too but if you're on 0mg of the meds I think it's actually because withdrawals cause a lot of physiological anxiety). But if your meds are done and your other withdrawal symptoms fade and you find you still have it, it's just residual anxiety.

[Dragoon909]

12 minutes ago, s0lit4ry said:

Mine feels the same, disconnected emotionally (even from my partner), like nothing around me is real, everything feels like its in hyper-color like I'm living a dream and I generally feel disconnected from my hobbies and interests and world news like I'm just floating through life half dead trapped in my body. Also on the verge of panic constantly.

 

But that being said.. Mine is definitely decreasing. What helped me the most is the Dare program. Learning to stop fearing the DR is the first step to letting go of it. Like my therapist said it's not about getting better at stopping the DR it's about getting better at having it. If you allow it to be present 24/7 without fighting it and integrate it into your life while you engage with your life (this was SO hard for me to do at first with withdrawal suicidal depression but you also have to let yourself be miserable) it'll just subside on its own. I barely even notice mine now except when I'm under a lot of fluorescent lights at the supermarket, but even that's fading.

 

Remember that it's a symptom of anxiety, so if the anxiety isn't present then it literally can't exist (I would only make one exception to that and say meds/withdrawals cause it too but if you're on 0mg of the meds I think it's actually because withdrawals cause a lot of physiological anxiety). But if your meds are done and your other withdrawal symptoms fade and you find you still have it, it's just residual anxiety.

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. 

Yeah, I can't connect to those I care about: I'm on FB, and it's like ppl seem so distant. 

 

It was worse back at the beginning of November,  and it has let up some...but I definitely still feel it. Just can't connect to the world. 

Took some long walks today, and the landscape seem so bleak. 👽 

 

And I definitely agree about the fleurescent lighting...

 

My derealization makes things look foggy and 2-d. I know intellectually I'm just fine, but my brain likes to pull the dr card under stress. I really need to manage it better. 

 

I'm glad yours is letting up. It must be a relief to have emotional and mental clarity. 

 

I've been off meds for years, but I recently had a setback via collagen supplement and stress. 

[s0lit4ry]

8 minutes ago, Dragoon909 said:

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. 

Yeah, I can't connect to those I care about: I'm on FB, and it's like ppl seem so distant. 

 

It was worse back at the beginning of November,  and it has let up some...but I definitely still feel it. Just can't connect to the world. 

Took some long walks today, and the landscape seem so bleak. 👽 

 

And I definitely agree about the fleurescent lighting...

 

My derealization makes things look foggy and 2-d. I know intellectually I'm just fine, but my brain likes to pull the dr card under stress. I really need to manage it better. 

 

I'm glad yours is letting up. It must be a relief to have emotional and mental clarity. 

 

I've been off meds for years, but I recently had a setback via collagen supplement and stress. 

Sure thing.

 

I've heard of people having really weird reactions like that to vitamins and supplements. I have a friend who took a supplement and it made her suicidal. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what triggered it, plus the stress.

 

Another thing that helped me was learning that it's like any other hyper focus, some anxious people focus constantly on their heart, some on nausea, etc, for us it's DR. Eventually you just forget what it feels like similar to how you can't suddenly summon nausea by thinking or talking about it. I can't summon the type of DR I had when I was at my worst even if I tried, because I already forgot. But again you have to get really good at having it and feeling like **** and keeping on going first.

 

Hope that helps

[Dragoon909]

1 hour ago, s0lit4ry said:

Sure thing.

 

I've heard of people having really weird reactions like that to vitamins and supplements. I have a friend who took a supplement and it made her suicidal. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what triggered it, plus the stress.

 

Another thing that helped me was learning that it's like any other hyper focus, some anxious people focus constantly on their heart, some on nausea, etc, for us it's DR. Eventually you just forget what it feels like similar to how you can't suddenly summon nausea by thinking or talking about it. I can't summon the type of DR I had when I was at my worst even if I tried, because I already forgot. But again you have to get really good at having it and feeling like **** and keeping on going first.

 

Hope that helps

You're right, because when the derealization goes...you can't imagine feeling no emotion. 

 

I've just been accepting it day by day. 

All I can do for now. 

 

Thank you for your help. 👍 

[s0lit4ry]

Speaking of supplements.  I've been taking an iron supplement about once every 3-6 days, and it seems like every time I take it I start getting more symptoms (more anxiety, burns, depression etc) about an hour after. I don't know if that's just coincidental and it's coinciding with my waves, or if even iron supplements can upset the NS. I take it because I don't get enough in my diet.

[Altostrata]

On 12/3/2022 at 10:08 AM, s0lit4ry said:

Speaking of supplements.  I've been taking an iron supplement about once every 3-6 days, and it seems like every time I take it I start getting more symptoms (more anxiety, burns, depression etc) about an hour after. I don't know if that's just coincidental and it's coinciding with my waves, or if even iron supplements can upset the NS. I take it because I don't get enough in my diet.

 

Suggest you take half a tablet or a quarter. No need to trigger your hypersensitivity. You may need to build up to a normal dose.

 

A sudden spurt of anxiety with no recognizable triggers is the definition of a withdrawal wave.

[Dragoon909]

On 12/3/2022 at 10:08 AM, s0lit4ry said:

Speaking of supplements.  I've been taking an iron supplement about once every 3-6 days, and it seems like every time I take it I start getting more symptoms (more anxiety, burns, depression etc) about an hour after. I don't know if that's just coincidental and it's coinciding with my waves, or if even iron supplements can upset the NS. I take it because I don't get enough in my diet.

It could be the supplement; they're not all innocent as they seem to be.

 

Boy! I've learned that the hard way. 

 

 

[s0lit4ry]

Have cut supplements, teas, and vitamin enriched foods/drinks out of my diet starting today. Also excess sugar and processed foods. Focusing on a high protein diet. Not sure how to get the iron intake other than maybe spinach smoothies or some variant.

 

So far I have still not experienced any windows. Recently I have found Baylissa Frederick's book to be helpful.

 

I'm not really afraid of the DPDR anymore, having come to the understanding that it can't harm me, even if it does feel bad and very strange. I'm now just letting myself go with the flow and reminding myself that feeling bad and strange and high and even terrified is perfectly okay during withdrawals - and none of these things can actually hurt me.

 

I also find that even closer to my period, I'm still studying a bit but in small bite sized chunks each day.

[Dragoon909]

sOlit4ry,

 

Good for you.

A healthy diet is important anyway, in or out of wd.

 

My derealization has been pretty bad, but it fluctuates...it seems. 

I still can't connect to the world.

 

And you're right, derealization and depersonalization are just mechanisms the brain uses to protect you from whatever is going on.

 

It's just running around with no emotions can be exhausting to me, especially around the holidays. 

 

My partner and I had Thanksgiving,  and I felt so emotionally blunted. I went ahead and enjoyed our little dinner anyway.

 

I have been off all meds for years, so I'm thinking my setback to derealization is because of stress and nicotine gum and collagen supplement I tried. 

 

My brain didn't like it, so it threw me into a dr and dp fog. 🙃 😔 

 

 

I do hope you start feeling better. I know it can be distressing with the dr, but must keep yourself distracted and keep pushing through. 

 

Speaking of diet, I eat alot of fruit, cereal, eggs and just foods that are the most perceived as healthiest. At least right now anyway...

My diet changes so much over the years... who knows. 

 

Feel better soon. 🌼 

[Altostrata]

If you have an iron deficiency, suggest you take a very small dose of the supplement each day.

[s0lit4ry]

2 hours ago, Dragoon909 said:

sOlit4ry,

 

Good for you.

A healthy diet is important anyway, in or out of wd.

 

My derealization has been pretty bad, but it fluctuates...it seems. 

I still can't connect to the world.

 

And you're right, derealization and depersonalization are just mechanisms the brain uses to protect you from whatever is going on.

 

It's just running around with no emotions can be exhausting to me, especially around the holidays. 

 

My partner and I had Thanksgiving,  and I felt so emotionally blunted. I went ahead and enjoyed our little dinner anyway.

 

I have been off all meds for years, so I'm thinking my setback to derealization is because of stress and nicotine gum and collagen supplement I tried. 

 

My brain didn't like it, so it threw me into a dr and dp fog. 🙃 😔 

 

 

I do hope you start feeling better. I know it can be distressing with the dr, but must keep yourself distracted and keep pushing through. 

 

Speaking of diet, I eat alot of fruit, cereal, eggs and just foods that are the most perceived as healthiest. At least right now anyway...

My diet changes so much over the years... who knows. 

 

Feel better soon. 🌼 

 

It might be nicotine withdrawal causing your DR, I know that can cause derealization in many. That's what I think is the most likely culprit. It'll probably go away after you're through with it.

 

My wd caused mine as I never had the persistent kind even when I was having panic attacks, not until I hit tolerance withdrawal on seroquel.

 

Thanks for the encouragement and same to you

[s0lit4ry]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If you have an iron deficiency, suggest you take a very small dose of the supplement each day.

 

Good idea, will try it. Thanks

[Dragoon909]

58 minutes ago, s0lit4ry said:

 

It might be nicotine withdrawal causing your DR, I know that can cause derealization in many. That's what I think is the most likely culprit. It'll probably go away after you're through with it.

 

My wd caused mine as I never had the persistent kind even when I was having panic attacks, not until I hit tolerance withdrawal on seroquel.

 

Thanks for the encouragement and same to you

 

No...I never stopped the smoking. I just tried the gum once.

Idk, I got anxious after though. I was supposed to chew only a small piece of it, but ended up chewing the entire thing.

I didn't know, lol.

Always read instructions, I guess.

 

I still smoke, unfortunately. 

 

[s0lit4ry]

Update: the agonizing PMDD-like exacerbation of symptoms is not present this month. Period is due in 3-5 days. The DR also appears to be fading and although I still feel mentally isolated from the world so to speak I feel my brain is now coming back online. These are difficult feelings to handle after a year in a fog, so I've contacted a withdrawal specialist therapist. 

 

I am currently taking no substances. No smoking or drinking or any other meds, no allergy meds, no pain meds. I'm still abstaining from supplements, fortified drinks and processed foods as well. I have replaced the iron vitamins with green smoothies (packing in enormous amounts of spinach). I think the diet change has caused the biggest change.

 

I accidentally ate some processed cheese one night and had a pretty bad flare up. Felt like I was going nuts. It lasted for about a day.

 

I still have not had any windows, but rather my pattern seems to be just a gradual lessening of continuous symptoms.

[Dragoon909]

On 11/15/2022 at 8:28 AM, s0lit4ry said:

Hi everyone,

 

Nice to meet you all. Didn't want to begin with such a long winded post but really need some guidance.

 

Over the last 8mo I've had a whirlwind experience. THC overdose, subsequent panic disorder diagnosis, and a cocktail of drugs.

 

The Dr put me on 5mg Lexapro back in May. About 2wk later I became severely derealized (couldn't recognize parents) and suicidally depressed. I have never had depression before.

 

I dropped the lexapro CT. Following this I was referred to a psychiatrist who switched me to Zoloft min dose, which had a similar effect.

 

I dropped that CT as well after about 3wk and was given 25mg seroquel.

 

At first I began with 12.5mg and worked my way up, and things seemed to go ok for a month. Then I progressively began to derealize again, became severely depressed, hot flashes, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, burning skin, paranoia, etc while taking this drug - all of which were extremely magnified starting 2wk before my menstrual cycle. At one point, I split the dose into 12.5mg morning+evening to see if it would help but it did not, so I returned to evening dose 25mg after a few days.

 

Through October I titrated and am now at 0mg seroquel as of Nov 1. My titration "plan" included going down by 1/6 of the tablet every 5-7 days with an oil suspension. I could not go slower due to the extreme effects the med had on me. I took .25-.5mg of Ativan intermittently throughout the month to lessen the intensity of the panic attacks (last dose Nov 10).

 

My cycle is due Nov 20. I am having unbearable depression waves, no sex drive, no interest in hobbies, constant derealization, constant burning skin, no appetite, hot flashes, panic attacks, brain zaps, the list goes on. I can't work again. These symptoms did exist throughout all of last month but they are now incredibly magnified again.

 

I can say however I noticed a slight overall improvement going *off* the seroquel, as I am now able to enjoy music slightly, enjoy videogames slightly, open my work laptop get out of bed, think a bit clearer, and the DPDR has lessened maybe 30%.

 

So, what is this? Medication induced PMDD, withdrawals, or what? Did I screw it up more with the Ativan? Can someone give advice as to what my next steps should be?

 

Thank you for reading.

 

It sounds like it could be a mixture of both. That's just my opinion...

 

I've been severely derealized myself for a good 6 weeks now after having major stress and a day of anxiety attacks.

 

Also having some tinnitus and slight nerve pain.

 

It's good you're able to enjoy your entertainment slightly: maybe that's a sign you're gradually getting better.

 

My derealization was so thick at first, all I could do is pace. I can now enjoy a few things myself.

 

Idk if the Ativan would help or not: everyone is so different with medications and their CNS. 

 

If it were me, I would stay off the medications and give myself some time to feel better.

 

If your depression is that bad, maybe take something for that at a low dose?

 

It's hard to tell ppl what to do regarding medications, because we can only perceive what we read what others post. And coupled with that: everyone is sooo different regarding meds.

 

What does your body tell you to do?

 

You're not alone regarding the derealization though, because I, myself struggle with it.

 

I can't say mine is because of wd because I've been off meds for 10 years; mine is stress and probably taking that supplement or nicotine gum.

 

Can you function?

Do you leave the house? No agoraphobia? 

 

 

[Dragoon909]

30 minutes ago, s0lit4ry said:

Update: the agonizing PMDD-like exacerbation of symptoms is not present this month. Period is due in 3-5 days. The DR also appears to be fading and although I still feel mentally isolated from the world so to speak I feel my brain is now coming back online. These are difficult feelings to handle after a year in a fog, so I've contacted a withdrawal specialist therapist. 

 

I am currently taking no substances. No smoking or drinking or any other meds, no allergy meds, no pain meds. I'm still abstaining from supplements, fortified drinks and processed foods as well. I have replaced the iron vitamins with green smoothies (packing in enormous amounts of spinach). I think the diet change has caused the biggest change.

 

I accidentally ate some processed cheese one night and had a pretty bad flare up. Felt like I was going nuts. It lasted for about a day.

 

I still have not had any windows, but rather my pattern seems to be just a gradual lessening of continuous symptoms.

 

Lol sorry, I see you updated the post.

 

I quoted your initial post. Smh

 

Good to hear you're getting better. 

[s0lit4ry]

28 minutes ago, Dragoon909 said:

 

Lol sorry, I see you updated the post.

 

I quoted your initial post. Smh

 

Good to hear you're getting better. 

 

Yep, I just posted an additional update. I'm able to leave the house and the DPDR is fading. I have been driving to several places with my SO and to some places alone, finally. I could not have imagined myself going alone to a restaurant a few months ago. I can be alone at home as well but have to put in some effort with combating the automatic negative thoughts, distractions help.

 

I also did not have the PMDD-like symptoms this month. My mindset thus far is just whatever happens, happens. If I feel panicky I just ride out the wave and allow it to happen, while rooting out whatever negative thought is causing it. Just keep living my life even if I feel weird or like garbage or like I'm half dead. Eventually it will subside with a full detox (for me that means everything!).

 

There's nothing to be afraid of with cognitive wd symptoms, they're scary but harmless.

 

 

And thank you for your well wishes

[Dragoon909]

11 minutes ago, s0lit4ry said:

 

Yep, I just posted an additional update. I'm able to leave the house and the DPDR is fading. I have been driving to several places with my SO and to some places alone, finally. I could not have imagined myself going alone to a restaurant a few months ago. I can be alone at home as well but have to put in some effort with combating the automatic negative thoughts, distractions help.

 

I also did not have the PMDD-like symptoms this month. My mindset thus far is just whatever happens, happens. If I feel panicky I just ride out the wave and allow it to happen, while rooting out whatever negative thought is causing it. Just keep living my life even if I feel weird or like garbage or like I'm half dead. Eventually it will subside with a full detox (for me that means everything!).

 

There's nothing to be afraid of with cognitive wd symptoms, they're scary but harmless.

 

 

And thank you for your well wishes

 

Thanks,

Yeah, most of them are cortisol generated...stress and so on.

 

I can leave the house, but no emotions still.

 

The usual derealization stuff. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you're doing a little better. This is a good sign.

 

11 hours ago, s0lit4ry said:

I accidentally ate some processed cheese one night and had a pretty bad flare up. Felt like I was going nuts. It lasted for about a day.

 

 

You may have developed histamine intolerance to some foods. See 

 

Elimination or exclusion diets for reactions to food (food intolerance)

 

Histamine intolerance

[s0lit4ry]

On 12/15/2022 at 6:53 PM, Altostrata said:

Good to hear you're doing a little better. This is a good sign.

 

 

You may have developed histamine intolerance to some foods. See 

 

Elimination or exclusion diets for reactions to food (food intolerance)

 

Histamine intolerance

 

Thank you alto

 

In addition I wanted to ask. Lately I've had some pretty miserable psychological symptoms and wanted to know if they're shared by WD people. My WD therapist told me she experienced a hyper fixation on death, which I've had for some time, but as I progress in WD I notice now an irrationally strong fear of death that leads me easily into bouts of panic (never had this until WD), and feeling trapped in my body. Both are completely miserable feelings but I can't tell if they're due to traumatic experiences resurfacing or WD itself. 

 

Do you relate to any of those having gone through severe psych symptoms as well? How did you handle them?

 

I've read the faq about neuro emotions and strange thoughts i.e. WD patients developing OCD.

 

My initial diagnosis was panic disorder but I'm no longer having the nocturnal panic attacks that caused my diagnosis. This feels different, like my thoughts are going for a ride regardless of what I tell myself, like my brain is obsessively ddoomscrolling. Even if I tell myself there's nothing to fear in these things (after all WD is much more miserable) my brain doesn't seem to believe it.

[Altostrata]

Suggest you talk to your therapist about techniques to manage these thoughts that cause you to panic. Whether this is a withdrawal symptom or a return of your original habit of mind, learning these techniques will be helpful to you.

[Dragoon909]

Hi Solitary, 

 

I also have intrusive thoughts...

Not so much about death. I'm honestly not afraid of death.

 

That said, I do have strange thoughts like I’m not real or in some limbo state. 

I know they're BS, but they put up a good debate.

 

Especially with derealization...

 

I plan on finding ways to cut down my stress level. In fact, I should have been working on that all these years off medication. I didn't,  and that's why I'm in such a fog and anxious. 

 

 

[Heinz1903]

@Dragoon909

 

We have both very overlapping symptoms. It also overlaps with that of OCD. Even if we don’t have OCD and just something that mimics the behavior of OCD. Try techniques or read up on it.

 

do you often question your own senses, in a way of fearing you become “psychotic”. This often about subjects you deeply feel connected to?

 

Most intrusive thought that i have are like this. I sadly don’t have any advice  for you rather than, keep on going. 
if you need someone to vent, message me in DM. 

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/8/2022 at 2:47 PM, s0lit4ry said:

I'm now just letting myself go with the flow and reminding myself that feeling bad and strange and high and even terrified is perfectly okay during withdrawals - and none of these things can actually hurt me.

 

You are  a quick learner! congratulations on getting to this place of understanding so quickly. good for you!
 

On 12/17/2022 at 10:20 AM, s0lit4ry said:

This feels different, like my thoughts are going for a ride regardless of what I tell myself, like my brain is obsessively ddoomscrolling. Even if I tell myself there's nothing to fear in these things (after all WD is much more miserable) my brain doesn't seem to believe it.

 

oh yes this is DEF a WD symptom and for me it was the most distressing one. In my mind I would be picturing literally the end of the world, every possible horrible thing that could happen was vividly happening in my mind and I could not shut it off or shut it out. I wasn't sleeping more than 20 mins at  a time at this point.

I don't have the best advice for this, as I'm not even sure How I got thru it. It was very hard. 
BUT It was one of the more short lived of my symptoms of WD recovery thank goodness!!

you may need to work extra hard to tell yourself that the pictures in your mind are NOT REAL and are NOT HAPPENING and are not GOING TO happen. It's just the way your brain is trying to get back to the way it was before the psych drugs and in so doing, it's hit a bad patch of stuff it needs to sort and re file and that's the only reason it's doing this doomscrolling (that's the best term yet to describe it)

it's hard because how do you get out of your own mind?

for anyone who has not experienced this, they are not going to be able to tell you what to do

I don't know if I can even tell you, but I can assure you that it will not hurt you, and it WILL END

it will

 

the doom and gloom sh*t that your brain is spitting up is going to stop.

I found I had a very hard time being alone when this was happening, I had to be on the phone with someone or around someone, I even begged someone to let me sleep over at their house (I live alone) if that helps you, do it! don't worry about what others think

 

I had to keep very busy. I did end up in the ER afraid that the horrific images in my mind were pulling me towards death, I did not want to die but felt that it would be the only way to escape what my brain was showing me. I begged them for a medication that had stopped intrusive thoughts for me in the past and they gave it to me. Truthfully it did not help a whole lot, but it did get me thru the worst of it. It was very much a day to day minute to minute battle at that point

It's hard to talk about this without using triggering words and for that I am very very sorry but I think may help you to know that these images in your brain are truly just part of the process and WILL END

 

I have a trauma history too and never before in my life did I experience this doom scrolling that my brain did. I was always able to put ideas of death and such out of my head, in fact, I believed that death would be welcome and didn't think I would ever be able to be released from the nightmares I was living thru by the sweet release of death, There is a poem about longing for death that appealed to me, 

 

But WD was the very first time that I ever even believed that I could die. I saw it in my  mind, I saw the end of the world in my mind. This is nothing like PTSD which tends to focus on actual traumatic events that you experienced.  Nothing at all. 

 

but the GOOD news is that this will stop, for me they suddenly stopped - they started suddenly and they stopped the same way 

I don't recall exactly how long they lasted, I want to say  no more than a few weeks...?

but in any case, do what ever you can to distract yourself

 

get books on positive thinking - oh there are several, I will try to find the titles

 

literally force yourself to think about puppies and kittens and rainbows and anything at all that is fun silly happy and good

you will need to override the negative images in your brain

 

I hope that your brain works faster than mine did and that this part of healing goes by super fast for you

 

 

you have been doing FANTASTIC work on fighting the anxiety  so you've got a good strong foundation, that's great

you can make it thru this part, it's hard I am so sorry

but YOU can DO IT!!
 

the images in your mind are not real. it's the opposite side of the light and love and happiness that is going to be coming your way very very soon.

 

hold onto that ok?

you will get thru this

don't be afraid to try things that may seem silly

if they work, who cares?

 

 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2022 by Happy2Heal