Wardy4022: amitriptyline severe reaction

[Wardy4022]

Hi,

I was given amitriptyline at a low dose of 10mg for pain. The side effects were so awful that after a week I stopped taking them. Then all hell broke loose. Severe anxiety, constant adrenaline rushes, panic attacks, insomnia, couldn't eat, couldn't function, freezing cold, drenched in sweat. I thought I would have to admit myself to the mental health unit as I felt like I'd had a complete nervous breakdown. Even 5 weeks later I feel detached, weird feeling in my head, can't sleep, kind of feel like I don't know if I've been asleep or not. Random burning feeling in my body, high heart rate. After various hospital and doctors visits I still don't know what's going on, all I get told is it will be out of my system now. What has it done to me!

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I'm sorry you had this bad experience.  It sounds to me like you had an adverse reaction to amitriptyline. You were not on the drug long enough for your brain to develop a dependency, so you are not having withdrawal.  

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs and supplements you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only specific dates, include the day (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day), drug names, and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Your Drug History in Your Signature

 

 

These links will explain more about how the brain recovers from adverse reaction and withdrawal: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Please be reassured that you will get better, but it will take a lot of time.  The nervous system is extremely complex, and it may take months for you to recover.  Please also be aware that going on other psychiatric drugs to try and fix the symptoms will put you at significant risk of worsening your situation.  The best way to heal is it to use natural means to take care of yourself, and allow your brain and body to heal itself.  These links explain more about adverse reactions: 

 

Immediate Adverse Reactions to Antidepressant

 

Immediate Adverse Reaction

 

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you are doing. 

[Wardy4022]

Thank you for the response and information.

I wasn't on any medication before and then propanolol and diazepam when all this kicked off but didn't take them for long.

My sleeping has improved a little bit and I can eat a bit now. 

The burning sensations aren't as frequent but the worst is the feeling of detachment, anxiety and like my memory is completely gone, I'm just hoping I'll not be stuck like this. All I got from my gp is a prescription for citalopram which I haven't taken.

Just at a loss at what to do to make it better 😥

[getofflex]

15 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

I wasn't on any medication before and then propanolol and diazepam when all this kicked off but didn't take them for long.

Thanks for the information. We do need you to please complete a detailed drug signature as requested in my first post. please follow the instructions there. We are a small group of unpaid volunteers that help a large number of people and we need to be able to see your drug history at a glance.  
 

I’m very glad to hear that you’re sleeping and eating is improving. The shows that you are healing and stabilizing.

Taking more psychiatric drugs is not the answer when you’re trying to heal from an adverse reaction or withdrawal from psychiatric drugs. That’s like adding kerosene to a fire. It’s likely to just make things worse.  That said it is your decision whether you want to take the citalopram or not.  
 

That feeling of detachment you describe is called depersonalization and derealization. That and the anxiety and the bad memory are classic symptoms of withdrawal or adverse reaction.  In time they will go away, but it won’t happen overnight. It can take months for this to resolve.  The best thing is to learn some non-drug coping skills.  

 

 

 

 

[getofflex]

have you tried magnesium and omega-3 supplements? Please see the link in my first post that explains about that.
 

Depersonalization and derealization

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

Music to Calm Anxiety

 

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Meditation

 

 

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by getofflex

[Wardy4022]

Thank you so much for the response and all the links. It means a lot to have some help from someone as I've literally been cast aside by any of the doctors. Never felt so Ill mentally and physically these past 7/8 weeks and they just tell me they don't know why. 

I appreciate the assurance that the dp/dr will resolve and also the memory issues.

I'll try and add the drug history, sorry I'm really rubbish at anything to do with technology 🙈

I've started with omega 3, and will add in the magnesium as well. 

 

[getofflex]

No problem.  Here is the link to your drug signature.  Just type it in the box and be sure and click save.  Done! 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/settings/signature/

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

It means a lot to have some help from someone as I've literally been cast aside by any of the doctors.

Join the club.  So many of us have had this experience.  Unfortunately, the health care system is now basically run by government, the insurance companies, and drug manufacturers.  It has become corporatized and profit driven.  What makes money?  Drugs.  The drug makers have brainwashed the doctors into thinking these drugs are great, effective, and harmless.  The drug makers only publish the research that makes the drugs look good.  The vast majority of doctors deny that the withdrawal from these drugs is as bad and protracted at it is for many.  That is why this site is so big and active.  

[Wardy4022]

I've tried everything and everywhere. How can you just be dumped by everyone when you feel like you're dying and losing your mind 😫😫

Doctor told me yesterday she doesn't know and is at a loss. Yep just ruin someone's life and tell them you're at a loss!!! 

Never had such a battle in my life mentally, it's constant. I think I could cope with my physical symptoms now, just need to try and build myself back up with losing over a stone.

The odd burning sensations aren't nice and the internal tremors are weird but can cope.

It's the mental side that's doing me. Just want to snap back to reality. Feel like I haven't got any feelings anymore. Except fear.

Wouldn't surprise me if I had PTSD its been that horrific. 

Thought I felt bad on the amitriptyline, was just so drowsy. 

That was nothing compared to when I stopped it. Felt like something in my head had broken 🤯

Thank you because I wouldn't know where to turn if it wasn't for you, well I would it would be nowhere cos nobody wants to know!

[getofflex]

Wardy I can understand your outrage at the injustice of just being dumped when you are down, instead of getting the help and support you need.  It's unfortunate, but many people don't know how to deal with our suffering, and they just want to look the other way.  Just know that you are not alone, many of us on this forum have felt and feel this way.   

 

Important question:  how often do you take your diazepam?  You may also be in withdrawal from that, since you took it regularly back in October and November.  

[Wardy4022]

Sorry should have made it more clear with the dates with the Diaz.

Got prescribed 28/10 only gave me 42 of them. Still got 14 left. Didn't take 3 a day October and November. Really sorry about that. My brain isn't with it at the minute 😫

Soon realised they didn't really do much so thought it was pointless taking them. Only have 1 now and again hoping it will help when I'm desperate. I'll change the dates on the medication history.

 

Saying that though I didn't think I would get every withdrawal symptom going days after I stopped amitriptyline having had it a week.

 

Just want it to go away now and be back to myself. No idea what happened. That's the most frustrating thing that I don't know. Drive myself nuts trying to figure it out and what I can do to rectify it

[Wardy4022]

Just venting 😫😫

Feel so awful and fed up of waking up the same every morning. 

Why does it feel like my brain has broken. 

Just want to go back to the way I was before.

I know amitriptyline is an antidepressant but at 10mg shouldn't even affect your brain.

Did I get a massive boost of seratonin anyway and then by stopping it I took it away.

I think I could cope with the physical things if my mind would go back to normal.

After 7/8 weeks re-instating a tiny bit wouldn't help me would it?

I'd just do anything to try and make it better.

It was weird because even after a week it was making a difference to the lower back pain I had, it's like it was numbing it.

I wonder if this would have happened if I'd have stayed on it or was it just because I stopped.

So many questions and I know I'll never have the answers.

Just want it to go away I can't be like this permanently 😥

[getofflex]

16 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

Saying that though I didn't think I would get every withdrawal symptom going days after I stopped amitriptyline having had it a week.

I believe what you are going through is an adverse reaction, not withdrawal. For some of us, these drugs just are not compatible with our systems. Even though you only took it for a week, it can take months to recover from an adverse reaction. Did you read the links on adverse reactions I gave you above? They are at the end of my first post. 

 

16 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

Drive myself nuts trying to figure it out and what I can do to rectify it

This may sound counterintuitive, but driving yourself nuts to figure it out can make your symptoms and situation worse. As unfair as the situation is it’s actually more helpful to accept it and go with it. Your body and brain is going to heal from this and you will get better.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26529-steps-for-managing-withdrawaladr-symptoms/#comment-577067

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26091-aaf-acknowledge-accept-float/#comment-564390

 

A reinstatement will not help when you’ve only been on it a week because your brain has not become dependent upon it.

Edited December 5, 2022 by getofflex

[getofflex]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance

[Wardy4022]

I did read the adverse reaction info. I'm just clutching at straws hoping something would help but I know it won't.

It's just so distressing, my memory is shot and it's like I've no feelings or personality anymore. It's so hard. 

I hope things don't stay at this level for much longer. If my mind was ok I could cope with the rest for however long. It's the hardest thing to just accept. I hope I go back to the way I was before 😥

[Wardy4022]

I wonder if the citalopram would help with anything 😫😫😫

[Wardy4022]

Feel like my brain and mind are broken. Weird sensations in my head. I just feel like I've been poisoned. So terrified this will be permanent 😥

[Wardy4022]

Please help.

I'm so sorry I haven't done my drug history properly. I can't even see what I'm putting half the time and in my absolute panic I've only put what recently has just happened.

I need to update my history. Looking back over things you do ask for full history. I'm so sorry obviously you can't advise me properly without all the relevant information.

I actually came off citalopram in April this year. I was on it for years. Can't remember how many and had no problems on and no problems getting off. I was absolutely fine with no problems at all. For 6 months. 

All my problems started in October with the amitriptyline. There's no way that the amitriptyline could have kicked off a withdrawal from the citalopram is there after 6 months of being fine? It's triggered something 😫 I don't know what to do. There's no way withdrawals from the citalopram would start at the exact same time as stopping the amitriptyline is there?

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Wardy4022,

Are you referring to your signature, that piece now below all your posts?

When you feel at your most cognitively intact, and after perhaps getting it all down on a piece of paper, you can go in and edit your signature.

Here's the quick link that will take you there:

Signature/edits/updates

 

So then you can get the citalopram in there.

39 minutes ago, Wardy4022 said:

Please help.

I'm so sorry I haven't done my drug history properly. I can't even see what I'm putting half the time and in my absolute panic I've only put what recently has just happened.

I need to update my history. Looking back over things you do ask for full history. I'm so sorry obviously you can't advise me properly without all the relevant information.

I actually came off citalopram in April this year. I was on it for years. Can't remember how many and had no problems on and no problems getting off. I was absolutely fine with no problems at all. For 6 months. 

All my problems started in October with the amitriptyline. There's no way that the amitriptyline could have kicked off a withdrawal from the citalopram is there after 6 months of being fine? It's triggered something 😫 I don't know what to do. There's no way withdrawals from the citalopram would start at the exact same time as stopping the amitriptyline is there?

 

 

 

How often is the panic arising?  And for how long has it come up and been tough?  I'm asking about the panic feelings, possibly lack of being able to function through symptoms, etc.? 

Did they just recently get bad, your symptoms, or for how long and then what symptoms too?

 

You can answer that in a reply, here.

 

I'm concerned about this:

On 12/4/2022 at 1:03 PM, Wardy4022 said:

Sorry should have made it more clear with the dates with the Diaz.

Got prescribed 28/10 only gave me 42 of them. Still got 14 left. Didn't take 3 a day October and November. Really sorry about that. My brain isn't with it at the minute 😫

Soon realised they didn't really do much so thought it was pointless taking them. Only have 1 now and again hoping it will help when I'm desperate. I'll change the dates on the medication history.

 

Did you cold turkey off diazepam after using it for more than a month regularly?

One can develop a dependency with benzo's in just 2 weeks and so.........

The diazepam is going to require a taper now.

 

I'm confused as to what I quoted.  You say you had 14 left and then said you only have 1 now?  Do you mean you are just taking 1 each day now?

 

So this ^, may have something to do with your symptoms in addition to the rest.

 

Non-drug coping, do you have any at all that helps now?

 

Okay, and I'm sorry.......I need to run shortly, but will get you into que for conferencing with the other staff including getofflex now. 

So......do your best with clarity or making things clearer for us too.  Much appreciated.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Wardy4022]

7 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

here

I've been really struggling since stopping the amitriptyline which I was only on for for 1 week. 10mg per day

Symptoms now are extreme anxiety, loss of memory, feel like my heads broken, can't sleep properly, can't eat a lot, very weak, shaking, internal tremors. Barely functioning. Feel so ill 

[Wardy4022]

Thank you, yes I meant the signature. I've added the citalopram.

 

With the diazepam I was prescribed it on the 28th October. I was prescribed 2mg 3x a day, but didn't take them as prescribed as didn't want 3 a day. I had 42 tablets and still have 14 left. So I've had 28 tablets in total between 28th oct and Dec 4th.  Tried not to take them on consecutive days either.

 

My symptoms I have now are from a couple of days from stopping the amitriptyline, so about 20th Oct and there's no let up in them for 8 weeks now

 

 

 

 

[Wardy4022]

Really struggling. 8 weeks and every day is exactly the same. The pressure in my head and the feeling that it's broken inside is horrendous. I'm so scared it's permanent brain damage. I just wanted to go to the hospital last night and beg them to do something I felt so bad.  I just want to get a brain scan to check everything is ok. I hope some of the symptoms start easing a bit soon 

Symptoms 

Feel like my brain is broken 

Head pressure 

Can't remember things or think straight 

Feel like I have no feelings/feel flat

Feels like my face has no expression 

Dp/dr

Vision and hearing different 

Feels like ears are blocked

Pins and needles 

Burning sensations 

Weak

Can't eat much

Can't sleep much

Feels like I don't dream 

In my head feels different, like there's no thoughts or memories 

Intrusive thoughts

Can't drive 

I wish it would let up a bit now. It's so distressing. I'm trying so many techniques but the sheer terror of this being a long term or permanent thing is overwhelming 

 

[Wardy4022]

I don't know what to do. It feels like my heads being crushed and there's something in my head. I'm so ill. How do I get through this 😥😥 can hardly hold myself up

[Kostas]

Hi,

Don't be so sure that your symptoms are not wd from stopping the citalopram...

 

My 4th and  last successful attempt to go off 20 mg citalopram ,lasted 7 years  ,and wd symptoms appeared 3 years after!!

 

All ,many medical tests showed nothing pathological, and they gradually completely subsided within 18 months..

 

Please do not  despair..

[Wardy4022]

It's weird because it happened at the exact time of coming off the amitriptyline, could that have triggered a withdrawal from the citalopram?  If this would have happened at any time not including the amitriptyline, I would have 100% known it would be the citalopram.

This is the thing because I don't know.

I need to do something because I'm none functional at the minute and I have a 7 year old I can't parent. I'm just heartbroken 😥 the inside of my head is broken and I'm not the same person  I can't wait this out for months not with my little girl. I was such a good mum and now I can't function 😥

[Wardy4022]

Could stopping the amitriptyline after a week have triggered a withdrawal from the citalopram after months? Or is that a ridiculous suggestion  Just trying to get my head around things. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Wardy4022

 

When you first started amitriptyline, what happened? Did you start any other drugs at the same time?

 

What are your most prominent current symptoms?

[Wardy4022]

Hi, no other medications at all since stopping the citalopram and starting the amitriptyline.All was ok and I was feeling good from stopping the citalopram.  Didn't have 1 withdrawal symptom in those 6 months.

 

I took the amitriptyline for a week. I just didn't like how drowsy and out if it I felt. I felt as I couldn't drive . So I stopped taking it.

 

It was 3 days later when I started with the palpitations, adrenaline rushes and panic attacks. High heart rate, sweating. I think it was due to the severity of these that caused me to feel like I'd had a nervous breakdown. It was like a switch and I couldn't eat or sleep, maybe this was due to the panic of feeling like something had broken in my head.

 

The worst symptoms for me at the minute are feeling like my brain is broken. I feel very flat at disconnected. Memory is terrible. Tingling in my head. Vision and hearing is different which may be down to the dp/dr I feel. 

My entire body shakes. I'm not sure if this is down to the severe anxiety I'm feeling at the minute, not eating or sleeping well which again could be down to the severe anxiety?

I am massively anxious at the minute, all my body is tense and I'm constantly clenching my teeth so tight it makes my jaw crack.

 

Could there have been a massive drop in serotonin stopping the amitriptyline suddenly and that's what caused the huge adrenaline rushes and panic attacks do you think? I know I was only on it a week but maybe because I'd been on citalopram before I processed it in my body quite quickly?

 

Would I have an adverse reaction to the amitriptyline if I didn't to the citalopram as they both do a similar thing don't they? 

 

Sorry if any of my questions seem silly. It's just what's been going through my head for these 8 weeks.

 

[Altostrata]

It sounds like your system adapted to the amitriptyline in an unusually short amount of time, and you got a withdrawal reaction.

 

How often are you currently taking diazepam? Is there an error in the dates in your signature?

 

 

[Wardy4022]

I went on the amitriptyline for lower back pain and even in that 1 week it took that pain away more or less. It felt like it had numbed it in that short space of time and it's supposed to take quite a while. 

It's like my body just soaked it up. Maybe it did it quickly as I'd been on the citalopram before, if it works like that I don't know.

 

I got prescribed the diazepam on the 28th oct. 

I didn't take them every day, I left days between when taking.

Sorry it looks as though I've continued all the way through from 28th oct until now with my dates.

 

Trying to deal with the anxiety a different way. Started magnesium tonight.

 

Could I ask your opinion on using over the counter anti histamine for anxiety?

 

[Altostrata]

Depending on how you feel, you may wish to reinstate 1mg amitriptyline, using the prescription liquid. It is possible even this small amount will reduce the withdrawal reaction and pain, too, without making you too groggy. You may wish to take it in the evening in case it makes you drowsy.

 

After you stabilize for a while, you can taper off by minute amounts later.

[Wardy4022]

I did think about that but then I didn't dare incase it was an adverse reaction.

Would reinstating still work now 8 weeks later? Can't believe it's gone on 8 weeks already for the sake of a week. It's evil stuff in my opinion anyway.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Wardy4022,

5 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

Would I have an adverse reaction to the amitriptyline if I didn't to the citalopram as they both do a similar thing don't they? 

4 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

I did think about that but then I didn't dare incase it was an adverse reaction.

Would reinstating still work now 8 weeks later? Can't believe it's gone on 8 weeks already for the sake of a week. It's evil stuff in my opinion anyway.

 

Different mechanism of action amitriptyline and citalopram.

Amitriptyline is a tricyclic type of AD.

And citalopram is a SSRI.

At some points they might do a similar thing.....but not exactly. 

 

I would hold off on trying an antihistamine right now.

 

5 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

I took the amitriptyline for a week. I just didn't like how drowsy and out if it I felt. I felt as I couldn't drive . So I stopped taking it.

 

It was 3 days later when I started with the palpitations, adrenaline rushes and panic attacks. High heart rate, sweating. I think it was due to the severity of these that caused me to feel like I'd had a nervous breakdown. It was like a switch and I couldn't eat or sleep, maybe this was due to the panic of feeling like something had broken in my head.

 

On just 1 mg of the amitriptyline, I'm doubtful you would experience the drowsy and out of it that you felt on 10 mg.  AND, you might improve.  Even 8 weeks out.  And I'm not seeing you describing any real adverse reactions to it, just your response to it.....that drowsy, and out of it.  Some of the citalopram WD, overlapping.

 

 

5 hours ago, Wardy4022 said:

The worst symptoms for me at the minute are feeling like my brain is broken. I feel very flat at disconnected. Memory is terrible. Tingling in my head. Vision and hearing is different which may be down to the dp/dr I feel. 

My entire body shakes. I'm not sure if this is down to the severe anxiety I'm feeling at the minute, not eating or sleeping well which again could be down to the severe anxiety?

I am massively anxious at the minute, all my body is tense and I'm constantly clenching my teeth so tight it makes my jaw crack.

 

Could there have been a massive drop in serotonin stopping the amitriptyline suddenly and that's what caused the huge adrenaline rushes and panic attacks do you think? I know I was only on it a week but maybe because I'd been on citalopram before I processed it in my body quite quickly?

 

 

I don't know, on the ^.  I don't know that it helps trying to figure out if massive drop in serotonin........you might be overthinking?? 

 

If you try the 1 mg amitryptiline, try to take it at the same time each day.  Keep objective notes.....on paper, with all your drug intakes, and then what is happening hour by hour.  That can really help.  You can rate feelings like anxiety.  You are saying severe now.  You could go with a 1-10 scale, 10 being the worst.  You are saying at the minute, and I wonder if you mean at the moment?  And then you are posting when it is worse or intense?

NOTES, or daily drug and symptom logs, might help you and us both.

It looks like you got your signature updated.

What are you trying with the magnesium now?  Type? ........and good to space it throughout the day.  Drink plenty of water.  Don't overdo.  You might stick with that today, tomorrow.  And not do more than one change at a time.

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Think about the amitryptiline.......I might do that if it was me.  If you did feel immediately worse, you stop it.  Meantime, since you are just now trying magnesium.....let's not confuse the picture right now.

 

Mouth guards are good, helpful if clenching your teeth a lot.  Look at some of the anxiety helps too, above.  I'll give you more links to topics that might help with non-drug coping too.

 

Tips for tapering off amitriptyline

helpful ^, in it does talk about how it works, or what kind of AD it is.  You can certainly go further to find out how AD's purportedly work and the different classes of them when you want to and are up to that.

Mainly, giving this topic for if you do reinstate at 1 mg so you can get that dose accurately.

 

-facial-tics-jaw-tongue-muscle-tension-and-pain-bruxism-teeth-clenching-tmj/

 

tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Eat Wardy4022.  I mean just do it, periodically throughout the day.  Simple stuff.  It will help.

 

DP/DR depersonalization and derealization

 

Breathe.  Simple stuff can help.  And know you aren't alone, and that others are going through something very similar, and that this IS not really you right now, but WD symptoms  and neuroemotions.

 

Rooting for your healing, best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

[Wardy4022]

Thankyou so much for the response and all the info.

 

I don't think I'll be able to do the reinstatement as I've been to the doctors a few times with how bad I felt wondering what was going on after only taking amitriptyline for a week and feeling so bad so they put something on my record under allergy so I didn't get it again. So doubt they would give me anymore.

 

They wouldn't believe I was having withdrawals after taking something for a week, especially not 8 week after.

 

I can't quite believe it myself after only using something for a week.

 

I've only got 21 10mg tablets left.

 

Do other people get withdrawals after 1 week? Is it a usual thing?

 

The magnesium I take has glycinate, citrate and malate 

 

[Wardy4022]

Has anyone ever had the broken brain thing?

It was like I could literally feel something go in my brain and my memory hasn't been the same since. Feel like I can't work out simple things. I can read but it feels like it's not going in. Can't make any connections in my brain.

Has anyone else had this? Please say it goes.

I've had a ct scan and nothing showed up on there.

[Wardy4022]

Feeling so awful 

Tingling and pain in head

Tingling in legs and feet

Numbness in face

Like electric surging through entire body

When will this end 😥

Just want to go back to beginning of October when everything was perfect 😥😥😥

Can't even cry just feel numb

I wish this would go