ls8719: Life after Sertraline

[HealthHopeHappiness]

3 hours ago, ls8719 said:

Interestingly I’m looking back at my last post and noticing it’s about the same time of the month…period time! Definitely noticing a correlation between my menstrual cycle and bad waves over the last few months. Is that common? 

This was absolutely the same for me. I noticed a definite uptick in symptoms the week before and during my period. Sorry to hear you are finding this too. I think fluctuating hormones have a huge impact on an already sensitised nervous system. 

[ls8719]

2 hours ago, HealthHopeHappiness said:

This was absolutely the same for me. I noticed a definite uptick in symptoms the week before and during my period. Sorry to hear you are finding this too. I think fluctuating hormones have a huge impact on an already sensitised nervous system. 

I’m sorry you experience it too @HealthHopeHappiness it’s really horrible. I feel as though I could crawl out of my skin with this anxiety. 

[ls8719]

I’ve noticed over the last few months that my cognitive function is no where near as good as it was prior to withdrawal last year and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this too?

I had been conscious of something weird going on for a while but hadn’t thought about it overly until I read something I had written last year and noticed a huge difference.
 

It’s strange things like my memory isn’t as good - I forget words a lot more than I used to. My spelling, grammar and vocabulary also seem to have been effected. I also experience brain fog and struggle to concentrate as well as I used to. It’s frustrating as it makes me feel stupid and like I can’t express myself very well. 
 

It’s odd, as these are things my dad struggles with since he had a massive stroke a few years ago, but to a much greater extent obviously. Is it possible that withdrawal causes some degree of brain injury? 😞

 

[CeruleanSea]

Hey @ls8719 back when I didn't know about withdrawal, the cognitive stuff was what got me back on ssri's. 

 

Same stuff, word-finding problems and mild memory lapses. 

 

It's hard to explain the cause for any one person. Is it just getting older? Is it due to stress or poor sleep? Do to menopause/perimenopause?  Or ssri withdrawal?  There's so many possibilities.

 

With getting older and menopause, it is caused by natural phenomenon. With Ssri withdrawal, it's unfortunate as if I had just not taken it, it would not be as much of a concern. 

 

How are you doing this week?  

 

 

[ls8719]

Hi @CeruleanSea I’ve been ok recently, still struggling with the cognitive difficulties but generally ok. I had a big panic attack at work today which was so demoralising and embarrassing to be honest. 
 

I know others have spoken on here of a feeling of being a very different person since withdrawal started and I identify with that so much. I seem to be so easily knocked now and my emotions feel so much stronger and I just hate it. 
 

I know rationally I’m seeing progress from where I was a few months ago but it just feel so dark when a wave hits.  

[ls8719]

This had been a particularly bad wave over the last few days which is just getting darker as the days go on. 
 

It was literally like a flip switched on Friday morning and it’s gone down hill from there. I had a horrendous panic attack at work and I haven’t been able to shake these dreadful, painful neuro-emotions since. I don’t know how I’m going to manage through this one. The intensity of these emotions are just too much. It’s really frightening me. I feel so unstable and I’m such a burden to my family. 
 

I was off on holiday last week and I was out of my routine so I wasn’t as diligent about the timing of my dose. I think my system has just caught up with the changes and it’s having a major freak out. It just goes to show how sensitive my system is at the moment. 

[Onmyway]

Hi @ls8719

sorry to hear you have been suffering so badly with this wave. This too shall pass, just give yourself time to re-adapt to the routine of life. Vacations can be stressful and do take us out of our routine. Emotions pass. Look at Claire Weekes' work if you haven't yet. 

OMW

 

 

[RachelSusan]

@ls8719  We sounds alike.  When I was tapering I had to adhere to a very strict dosing schedule. Even being a few hours late would affect me. Hopefully this will all settle down for you very soon.

 

[ls8719]

Thank you @Onmyway Clare Weekes helped this morning. It feels a bit lighter today. I’m hoping things are evening out again. I think perhaps this is a sign to hold a bit longer again before any more tapers. Does it matter how long I leave between tapers? Could I go say three/four months before making another cut? 
 

@RachelSusan Thank you. I helps to know it’s not just me. I think maybe our similar experience with reinstatement explains the sensitivity. Prior to finding this site and the cold Turkey last year I was tapering by skipping doses (gp’s advice) and I think maybe all those factors have left me very very sensitised indeed. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @ls8719, how are you doing?

[ls8719]

Hi @Altostrata  I’m doing ok-ish, thank you for asking. Things have been a bit tricky again recently, the neuroemotions have been very intense and I’ve felt very dysregulated. My waves are still pretty horrible tbh and I’ve not felt right since I did my last taper in January. I seemed to be ok on 0.5 but even that 8% drop really messed with me. I’m really reluctant to do any more tapers for a while. 

[ls8719]

Looking for advice folks. The intense neuro-emotions and OCD like symptoms started to come back again and I’ve had to be off work for a while. I was crying every day and having panic attacks again and I was scared. I’m due to start some trauma focused counselling soon as a big part of what I’m experiencing seems to be related to old trauma. I think being on the meds seemed to dull down a lot and now I’m having to deal with it as it all comes roaring back. 
 

I’m wondering about increasing my dose a bit. Things just did not settle after I did my last taper to 0.46 and I have a stressful job which I can’t really avoid. 
 

Would I be inviting serious trouble if I tried to increase back to 0.5mg initially and then possibly go to 1mg? Life is a struggle at the moment and I want to be able to function and feel more like a normal adult again. 

[Altostrata]

In what ways are you having neuroemotions?

 

What are the symptoms of your waves? What was your symptom pattern over the last week? How's your sleep?

[ls8719]

I don’t know for sure if they are neuroemotions or Im just totally dysregulated. What seems to happen is disproportionate physical and emotional reactions to situations or often thoughts.
Here’s what happens during a wave for me: 

 

-Anxiety attacks out of no where or because of thoughts which I have a huge fear response to e.g  I’m a passenger in the car. I’ll out of no where get the thought that we could crash and die and instantly I’m sweating, shaking, heart is pounding and I can’t breathe properly. 
- OCD like symptoms: which I never had before wd. So I’ll have a thought that gets stuck, or I won’t be able to stop thinking about something that happened. It will keep going round and round, rehashing what happened. This makes me very distressed as I feel I have little control over it.  
This had most recently led to re-doing tasks over and over again to try and avoid the worry but it never seemed to help and actually just reinforced the thought patterns and emotions. 
- cognitive problems where I can’t concentrate or focus properly, although I think this is made worse by or due to what I’ve described above. 
- huge alarm and startle response 

-hyper aware of things around me and scanning for threats constantly 

- periods of intense emotions, sadness and hopelessness which quickly leads to suicidal thoughts. I’d made a plan before I was signed off work a few weeks ago. 

 

Symptom pattern- over the last week I have had these symptoms every day, but not all day, they’re at their worst for around 4 hours a day. It has been better whilst I’ve been off work as my stress levels are reduced massively - but this is not sustainable. 
 

Mercifully sleep has been ok since I started taking a magnesium supplement last year so I am sleeping mostly normally.
 

I should say that before I did the most recent taper the symptoms were no where near as bad and I was managing better at work. I felt more motivated and optimistic. 

[Altostrata]

Unfortunately, that sounds like waves of withdrawal symptoms. Has this gotten better or worse in the last month?

[ls8719]

It’s gotten steadily worse since I did my last taper in December. 
 

Would it be worth considering an increase? 

[Onmyway]

@ls8719, from your signature in December you reinstated - if that made you worse then increasing your dose is likely going to make it much worse.

In your thread you seemed to be describing a wave/window pattern rather than a continuous worsening. When in a wave things seem like they have always been bad so keeping notes helps. 

 

OMW

Edited June 15 by Onmyway

[ls8719]

Hi @Onmyway, I felt distinct improvement with 0.5mg reinstatement but since my 8% taper to 0.46 things seemed to get worse from there. I’m not sure if an 8% taper would be enough to change anything, maybe it would have gotten worse anyway on 0.5mg. 
 

 

[Onmyway]

It's hard to distinguish what is what with the windows and waves pattern. Since it's been almost 5 months, a wait and see approach may be much better. 

[Altostrata]

@ls8719 you reinstated 0.5mg only in December and then reduced it in January, less than 6 weeks later. You need more time to stabilize. Suggest you go back to 0.5mg. Please let us know how you're doing.

[ls8719]

Thank you for the advice. My sense is that moving back to 0.5mg would be the right thing for me so I increased a few days ago.
 

@Altostrata and @Onmyway is there any downside to giving extended periods of time between tapers? E.g say 9 months to a year before trying another taper? 
 

I’ve given it a lot of thought over the last year of experiencing CT and withdrawal and I’ve realised that my goal should *not* be to come off this drug as fast as I can at any cost.

My priority is to remain well and stable, whilst reducing as far as I can. Hopefully I’ll be fully off eventually, when the time is right. If that takes many years of still being on a small dose then I feel like that’s worth it. I’m at a stage in my life where I have a young kid whose childhood I don’t want to ruin by having a very ill parent. Also, through this process I’ve realised that I need to change my career which will mean retraining and I won’t be able to do any of that if I’m totally destabilised.

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, ls8719 said:

 

@Altostrata and @Onmyway is there any downside to giving extended periods of time between tapers? E.g say 9 months to a year before trying another taper? 

 

No downside, but you may be able to start tapering again sooner, if you feel up to it.

[Iecc]

Hi @ls8719, hope you are doing well. We have similar path. I’m in the process of tapering sertraline. I’m planning a pregnancy in the near future so I’d really hope to be on a minimal dosage when conceiving, if not completely off. 
Sorry that you’ve experienced some bumpy road. Hang in there! I’m proud of you to have gone down to such low dosage. Continue the journey! Keep us posted on your progress.