Long term disability?

[areyouthere]

My life is at a crossroads and my working life has taken a turn that is possibly too much for me to handle. Because of my depression of 20 years, I would qualify for LTD ( just learned that acronym today) if I crash and burn at work .... a real possibility for the first time in my life. I could crash and burn and we could still manage financially.... but barely and my husband would have to continue his $10.00 an hour job.

 

 

Are you on disability? What do your "friends and neighbors" think? Do you care? Are you embarrassed?

 

 

Just wonnerin'

[meistersinger]

1345848771[/url]' post='30349']

My life is at a crossroads and my working life has taken a turn that is possibly too much for me to handle. Because of my depression of 20 years, I would qualify for LTD ( just learned that acronym today) if I crash and burn at work .... a real possibility for the first time in my life. I could crash and burn and we could still manage financially.... but barely and my husband would have to continue his $10.00 an hour job.

 

 

Are you on disability? What do your "friends and neighbors" think? Do you care? Are you embarrassed?

 

 

Just wonnerin'

 

I have a reconsideration hearing on September 14 with Social Security in Harrisburg, PA at 11:10 AM. As far as some of my brothers are concerned, I am a bum, a fraud and a liar, even with a diagnosis of asperger's this past June. I have been trying to find work from June of last year to June of this year. I have had exactly 5 interviews in that amount of time. Four of those interviews were by telephone for a telecommute position. Of those 4, one was a 1099 position for a subcontract job with Best Buy. I was already to proceed until I saw the contract. I forwarded the contract to my attorney, who in short, said not to sign, and if I wanted further details, it would cost me $500.00 and 2 hours of time to go over the finer points of this document. I immediately requested this company remove my name from consideration. The other 3 positions emailed me back 15 minutes after their respective interviews, which also lasted 15 minutes, that my application would not be considered.

Of the 2 in-person interviews, one employer, who I worked for very briefly, 5 years earlier as a contractor, took almost 3 months to make a decision, even with my constant calling to check on the status of my application. The lady I spoke to in the Human Resources Department, eventually told me to stop calling every week, as it was not her decision to make, and would not give me the name of the person making the personnel decisions. The other position, was a telephone position for a local catering company. I did the usual courtesies after the interview, a thank you note sent via email, but only ever received the normal thanks, but no thanks letter via email.

Around March of this year, I had a severe reaction to Viibryd, roughly 6 months after I started on this drug. While everything started OK on this "drug," i started having crazy thoughts, brain fog, brain zaps, cognition problems, anxiety attacks, anhedonia, derealization, flu-like symptoms, etc. My psychiatrist perviously had me on citalopram and buspar, which caused me to gain weight, had massive hunger, and raised my already high blood sugar even higher (I am an insulin-dependent diabetic.) I found this board, as well as the depression forums, to help me through the hell that is withdrawal.

Unfortunately, my family, except for maybe my youngest brother and his wife, who have 2 children that are low-functioning autistic, and who I found out today, their son was admitted to the University of Pittsburgh Medical center, where he was put on some sort of psychotropic medicine (his mother didn't say what "drug" he was on) that he a very bad reaction. While I have not spent time with my nephew, his mother still says he still has digestive issues, although he is beginning to show signs of intelligence. The remainder of the family, including the brother that recently threw me out of the house, making me homeless, do not believe in depression, nor do the believe my asperger's diagnosis. The brother that lives in Gettysburg, promised mom on her deathbed he would "take care" of me and my brother. Some care. As soon as I was thrown out of the house, I drove to Gettysburg to talk to this brother. He was not happy I got him out of bed at 11:00pm. His attitude was, don't come to me, I am no longer executor of mom's estate, you knew this brother was a jackass long ago, and should have gotten out at least 2 years ago. Besides, I have no room in the house, since my step-daughter and her fiance are still here, and we like to entertain, so get lost. If it weren't for the church, I wouldn't have this motel room until Sunday.

Franly, as I said earlierin my thread, I'm scared. The only thing available is the Rescue Mission, which is in a very bad part of town. I'm still looking for a place that will give me a roof over my head, a bed, kitchen privileges in exchange for reasonable chores. I posted the same description in an ad on craig's list, but only one taker, and he has not responded back to my reply. I may not survive this, unless I can stay temporarily in the teen meeting room at the church, or even in the server room at the church.

[Barbarannamated]

Are you referring to permanent disability / retirement? I read briefly thru your intro and see that you are close to retirement now. How will LTD effect that? Will you be able to collect any retirement / pension if collecting LTD? I believe they usually offset each other although government employees in US seem to have a particularly good arrangement, some collecting both retirement and disability benefits.

 

I have been on disability since age 39 (11 years). I lost my ability to work at a very young age and it impacted my life dramatically.

[areyouthere]

Well, you can sure type! Damn! I am a hunt a peck typist... I envy your skill meistersinger!!!

 

I'm sorry that the job situation hasn't worked out for you yet. I personally think that the fact that you applied & were interviewed is a huge accomplishment. This economy is a killer. I live in a community where 50% of the children are living in poverty. 50%!!!

 

This recession has been going on since what, 2005- '06? My husband who owned & ran half of a construction business for 30 years is now cleaning a bank at night for $10.00 an hour and no benefits. Nobody is building houses around here anymore.

 

What is ironic is that there are hundreds of houses for sale all of them at a great price but no one can find a job and so can't afford to buy one.

 

I do feel lucky to have a good job but the trickle down effect of a poor economy puts more stress on those of us who are employed. Businesses cut people because business is slow and then expect the rest of us to do not only our job but that laid off person's job too! With no extra pay! This causes stress. A person can only handle so much. And if you can't handle it, well the boss thinks "who cares"? There are hundreds of people ( like you) who are willing to jump on the chance to take my job.

 

Keep trying if you can. There are those of us who will succumb to stress and something will open up. It took my husband 6 months to get his cleaning job. He actually kind of likes it!.

 

I understand that the immediate situation for you is housing.

 

I will pray that you can find a safe and peaceful place to lay your head at night and not have to worry where you will sleep the next.

 

Family business can be very difficult. My family has a long, long history of dis function. We all have our own individual challenges. We were estranged for many years while just trying to raise our own children. Being far apart from one another geographically complicated the sisterly relationship part. I have 3 sisters... we have all been on psyco drugs / one sister is agoraphobic, she had no kids... just eight untrained dogs ugh! and lives in filth in a run down house but it is a roof. Adult Protective services are always checking on her.

 

In some ways being geographically separated had it's advantages. My one sister and I managed to raise five children between us all five are adults and doing well ... knock on wood.

 

Now it is our turn to take care of ourselves. We are all working on it... tapering drugs, one does the whole AA thing, the other simply working on getting out of the depression that keeps her housebound. We communicate... tentatively. At least we all have something in common. Being treated with poison.

 

 

It is now that we look at each other like strangers. We've done our job with kids. Perhaps this is part of what is happening with your brothers? That they are feeling that parental protective instinct to use what energy they have to take care of their children and there just is none left over? I have to admit to you meistersinger, that I abandoned trying to help my sister who is a shut in. There is no worse feeling than that.

 

There is a good update on her if you want to hear it. It is shakey... but in the right direction. We are all fragile those of us with poorer or less than perfect families, and at a distinct disadvantage in just handling what everyone else thinks is simple. It's our cross to bear I guess.

 

Sending good thoughts your way!!! What kind of activities/ things make you happy or give you joy? I like to walk, go to the library and occasionally get a cup of coffee and people watch and wonder what their life is like.

 

Take care,

 

areyouthere?

[alexjuice]

.... What do your "friends and neighbors" think? Do you care? Are you embarrassed?

 

My take on this: Learn not to care. Don't be embarrassed. This is a huge challenge for me personally. I try to accept the truth as I see it and I see it in a way that conforms so well to the larger reality that no other "truth" can threaten it. Still it is hard to believe the sky is blue when others will judge you if you don't see it as tangerine. That's why I've found my therapy for social anxiety helpful with coping with my health challenges. Accepting my reality and honoring it independent of what others think is my major goal. For me, it's hard. BTW, socially anxious folks almost always catastrophize the consequences of what others think, leading them to avoid social interaction. Social anxiety was a problem for me as a teen and how I ended up at my current place.

 

All that I say to reinforce the importance of believing and advocating for yourself. To survive this deal, you must do your bestest ever self-care because the typical compassion and understanding from others towards your predicament can't be counted on.

 

I couldn't tell you though if you should stop working. I think Barb's point about how much not working has affected her life deserves a lot of consideration. Be honest with yourself about your own best health interest and you'll know what to do.

[meistersinger]

Well, you can sure type! Damn! I am a hunt a peck typist... I envy your skill meistersinger!!!

 

I'm sorry that the job situation hasn't worked out for you yet. I personally think that the fact that you applied & were interviewed is a huge accomplishment. This economy is a killer. I live in a community where 50% of the children are living in poverty. 50%!!!

 

This recession has been going on since what, 2005- '06? My husband who owned & ran half of a construction business for 30 years is now cleaning a bank at night for $10.00 an hour and no benefits. Nobody is building houses around here anymore.

 

What is ironic is that there are hundreds of houses for sale all of them at a great price but no one can find a job and so can't afford to buy one.

 

I do feel lucky to have a good job but the trickle down effect of a poor economy puts more stress on those of us who are employed. Businesses cut people because business is slow and then expect the rest of us to do not only our job but that laid off person's job too! With no extra pay! This causes stress. A person can only handle so much. And if you can't handle it, well the boss thinks "who cares"? There are hundreds of people ( like you) who are willing to jump on the chance to take my job.

 

Keep trying if you can. There are those of us who will succumb to stress and something will open up. It took my husband 6 months to get his cleaning job. He actually kind of likes it!.

 

I understand that the immediate situation for you is housing.

 

I will pray that you can find a safe and peaceful place to lay your head at night and not have to worry where you will sleep the next.

 

Family business can be very difficult. My family has a long, long history of dis function. We all have our own individual challenges. We were estranged for many years while just trying to raise our own children. Being far apart from one another geographically complicated the sisterly relationship part. I have 3 sisters... we have all been on psyco drugs / one sister is agoraphobic, she had no kids... just eight untrained dogs ugh! and lives in filth in a run down house but it is a roof. Adult Protective services are always checking on her.

 

In some ways being geographically separated had it's advantages. My one sister and I managed to raise five children between us all five are adults and doing well ... knock on wood.

 

Now it is our turn to take care of ourselves. We are all working on it... tapering drugs, one does the whole AA thing, the other simply working on getting out of the depression that keeps her housebound. We communicate... tentatively. At least we all have something in common. Being treated with poison.

 

 

It is now that we look at each other like strangers. We've done our job with kids. Perhaps this is part of what is happening with your brothers? That they are feeling that parental protective instinct to use what energy they have to take care of their children and there just is none left over? I have to admit to you meistersinger, that I abandoned trying to help my sister who is a shut in. There is no worse feeling than that.

 

There is a good update on her if you want to hear it. It is shakey... but in the right direction. We are all fragile those of us with poorer or less than perfect families, and at a distinct disadvantage in just handling what everyone else thinks is simple. It's our cross to bear I guess.

 

Sending good thoughts your way!!! What kind of activities/ things make you happy or give you joy? I like to walk, go to the library and occasionally get a cup of coffee and people watch and wonder what their life is like.

 

Take care,

 

areyouthere?

 

I am mostly hunt and peck typing also, right now on my iPhone.

 

I was diagnosed with Asperger's back in June. I am pretty much the oddball. It also doesn't help that the unemployment rate for those of us with Asperger's estimated to be between 80 and 100 percent, even during good times.

 

I have always been into music as far back as kindergarten. I earned a BA in music history, with a minor instruments in clarinet and voice, although I don't do either lately. Carpal Tunnel did me in on the clarinet, and I haven't done much singing since my late mother started getting feeble.

 

I did earn my master's degree in library science, however, it came from a school that was not accredited by the American Library Association.

 

I got into I.T. after graduate school, with a major library automation vendor, doing telephone tech support. It was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that I could talk shop with the company's clientele. A curse because I would be overwhelmed with number of calls I would take in a day. I was also notorious for taking on additional work, which led to burnout. This would be the pattern that would follow me all my professional life.

 

I was also notorious for spending money I didn't have, whether it was with credit cards, or for writing checks that would come back insufficient funds. No matter how hard I tried, I could never control the spending. Because of that, my credit is totally ruined. The best job I could actually find until recently was delivering Pizza. I ended up losing that job due to a traffic ticket. I have now been unemployed over a year, with no prospects of ever finding work.

 

While I was working at the Pentagon, the GP I was seeing at the time put me on Prozac. I had a pretty strong reaction almost immediately, since I nearly snapped several times at a 2 star General. My GP at the time took me off that cold turkey and placed me on Effexor. Effexor neay ruined my voice, as well as gave me tinnitus. I was cold turkeyed off that and put on amytriphalene. I was told the side effect of this would be a hangover in the morning, which I certainly got. I cold turkeyed off that when I switched doctors, after losing my job at the Pentagon. I was off psychotropics when I made a switch to a doctor in a community clinic which did not believe in antidepressants.

 

After working, and losing, a job I had with a contractor for Apple Computer that was based in Baltimore, I ended up switching GP's again. I ended up going to a different community clinic. I eventually made the mistake of "breaking down" in my GP's office. This clinic is part of a local hospital group. They sent me to behavioral health, where the psychiatrist put me on citalopram and Buspar. They had also started me in group therapy, which only lasted 2 sessions, since the therapist had a massive heart attack, and the group was disbanded. I was just having med checks every few months by the psychiatrist. He changed medications on me to Viibryd, mostly due to the FDA warning about high doses of citalopram and Qt interval prolongation. While citalopram and Buspar did me no favors, since my diabetes went out of control, which it never was controlled very well, due to all the stress I was suffering, it also made me gain massive amounts of weight, as I was always craving food. I was craving food due to the odd hours I was keeping delivering pizza. I was also sleeping 3 to 4 days at a time, another side effect of this cocktail of Buspar and citalopram.

 

While Viibryd appeared to work initially, I found out otherwise 6 months later. I had a nasty reaction that presented itself as the flu. I was dehydrated, even though I was drinking massive amounts of water. I began to suffer ahedonia. I felt like I also smoked several sticks of marijuana, something I never would do. I could not get out of bed. I became delusional, believing that losing my pizza delivery job was the reason my mother died 5 months earlier. I lost all interest in everything. I began to spend money I didn't have again. I began to become more and more agoraphobic. The only time I would leave the house was to walk to the nearest grocery store, as Mom's car, which I was driving, was repossessed. My brothers, except the youngest one, accused me of talking her into buying for me, which I did not. She bought it so she could have me chauffeur her to where she needed to go, as she awas no longer able to drive. I was allowed to use it to get to work, as well as go to church.

 

Finally, he estate was settled, for the most part. The brother that bought her house demanded payment for all household bills incurred while the estate was in probate. After he bought the house in June, he became increasingly aggressive, due to changes in his job, as well as other pressures. He believes mental illness is laziness, pure and simple, even though his moods were changing faster than mine. While he wanted me out by Sept. 11, then Sept. 14, he kicked me out of HIS house this past Tuesday, all because I threw out an oscillating fan that stopped working, and I had the gall to sit in his favorite chair. Further, he is threatening to bill me for having my old bedroom repaired, from when the ceiling collapsed last year during the rains. It was my fault I got the funds out of Mom's checking account electronically, which she had me set up, but never used, from the insurance settlement. How was I to know the day I had a contractor friend from church scheduled to do the work that I would end up in the emergency room, with very low blood sugars, and mom would pass away the same day? While I did purchase materials to repair the ceiling, after a few months, due to all the bickering about the estate, I returned the materials and spent the money. When I made the mistake of purchasing an iPad, he threatened me with being arrested for insurance fraud. I repurchased of those.materials, along with a money order to pay for the labor. Unfortunately, the friend who was to do this work is stuck on another project, and is unable to do the work. He recommended another person that works with him on occasion. This was not acceptable to this brother, who said he will find someone and send me the bill. Since he works for a major lumber yard and home furnishings company, he'll find the most expensive contractor around, taking what money I have left. It has been like walking on eggshells around "the First Shirt," since he is retired Army Reserves who was details to ship all the equipment back home after Desert Storm. While I don't know if he is Ntagonistic with his fellow employees, he has most certainly been that way with me, as well as mom while she was alive. The ironic thing is, he has never lived by himself. I have, for 10 years, and could not handle living alone.

 

I am currently in a motel until Sunday, when I end up back in the streets. I do not want to go to the rescue mission, as it is in a rough part of town. I would not last 2 minutes in that environment before being assaulted, or killed. To say that I 'm in a panic is putting it kindly.

[areyouthere]

Are you referring to permanent disability / retirement? I read briefly thru your intro and see that you are close to retirement now. How will LTD effect that? Will you be able to collect any retirement / pension if collecting LTD?

 

Great question ...thanks for asking it. We are in the process of looking into the answer to this.

 

 

Anticipating a change in my job and the anxiety that goes along with that is compounded by trying to find the answers to questions such as yours. The best case scenerio for me right now is to chill , have faith in myself and be able to perform until March at which time I can legitimately retire, albeit early , but in a "socially acceptable " way and one that would personally make me feel as if my working life was at least productive. We have already determined that financially , my retirement in March would work. Much earlier than that is questionable. Yeah. No pressure there!!! **rolls eyes**

 

 

But I have to be realistic as well. It is possible that I will not be able to handle it and will have to go out on some sort of health leave. The LTD possibility , although I have heard of others using it, has never really entered my mind as something that I personally anticipated needing. But I never saw the change in the job situation coming either...it was quite a blindside, a shock to my ego and quite frankly wrong, but it is what it is.

 

I really don't want to go into those details as at this point as it is irrelevant and would serve no real good purpose. Maybe some day I will relay it to all here. Not now.

 

I am anxious but that is not unusual. I am anxious and the job description/ expectations/ situation is different than the last 18 years. That is unusual and I am hoping ( please God) that "this too shall pass" and I will get over it , see that I have support, I have the skills and where with all to carry on to March as if all is well ( and really, it should be despite myself!) and be done with it.

 

But because of my anxiety I am not positive I can do it. You see? I have to anticipate the worst in the event that I have to take care of the best.... which is me.

 

It is a convoluted problem. I can't wait to finally jump in a tackle it. I hope to beat it to the ground ... but ....

[areyouthere]

All that I say to reinforce the importance of believing and advocating for yourself. To survive this deal, you must do your bestest ever self-care because the typical compassion and understanding from others towards your predicament can't be counted on.

Best advice EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have many inspirational quotes posted near my new work area. I am adding this one, Alexejice!!!!!!

[Barbarannamated]

As one who has dealt with this for a very long time, my best advice is in line with Alex... you must take care of yourself, your health, and set aside any judgment (implied or other) that accompanies an injury or illness, which is what this is. My disability is physical, a (Work Comp) neck injury (and 14 years of litigation). However, this iatrogenic/drug injury should not be viewed any differently.

 

I had a few short term medical leaves over several years prior to being forced into medical retirement. Every situation and plan differs. Some things to check into (just off the top of my head) are Family Leave of Absence, personal leave of absense and short term medical leave with the goal being to preserve your health and retirement status /income.

 

There are many ways to approach the issue and it sounds like you are on the right track.

 

It's an important topic that will apply to many people as more are disabled by psychiatry.