How I am recovering from severely crippling CPTSD with Internal Family Systems and EMDR therapy

[MermaidsCantCry]

I'm disabled with Autism and grew up during a time when they did not understand autism very well at all and definitely not in girls. Autism for me, means being incredibly sensitive.
emotionally and to outside stimulus, Lights and sounds are painful. This makes the world around me pretty traumatizing, even before you factor in the atrocious physical and mental abuse I endured throughout my entire childhood and much of my adulthood too.
I no longer go into details about what I have gone through because it is so unbelievably horrific, I end up feeling incredibly invalidated every time I speak about it because I can tell people don't really believe me.

A few years ago I became physically crippled. Doctors told me it was arthritis, but I have discovered that is not the case. I am actually in so much emotional distress and emotional pain that my body reacted by crippling me.
After recognizing this and working on healing my inner wounds rather than constantly meditating away from them the pain is finally leaving my body. I am able to move in ways I have not been able to in years.

I am far from "recovered" I can't go outside and I still experience flashbacks through the day but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a little better each week than the week before and people in my life notice the changes I am making.
not since discovering mindfulness meditation, has a practice been so noticeably life changing for me. 
Mindfulness meditation is only a PART of the whole solution for PTSD.

The traumas must be looked at, and given attention and filled with love, not just cleared from the mind only to come back again and again.

I recommend investigating EMDR therapy, and IFS therapy. they get to the real root of the problem - which is a nervous system stuck in trauma.
that being said I also recommend learning some "vagal toning" exercises of the Vegas nerve.

I am having real incredible healing and I haven't spent a dime and never had to leave my home.






 

[KarenHv]

It is great to hear that something is working for such complex problems that come with CPTSD. I am genuinely happy for you. Are you working with a therapist and how did you learn about EMDR and IFS?

I have PTSD and adhd. Would be nice to find a therapist who might help. I am a counsellor myself. But I am an art therapist and help people with trauma using artwork. 

[getofflex]

I, too, have a form of mild high functioning autism, and also have had severe physical and psychological abuse in the earlier years of my life. I spent many years in therapy, and did have some EMDR therapy too.  I have found the books of Pete Walker to be very helpful in my healing from my CPTSD.  He wrote "The Tao of Fully Feeling", and "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving".  I believe that I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, when I really had CPTSD, and the drugs just numbed and suppressed the emotional pain that I was in.  Part of my healing is to fully face and feel and express this emotional pain in healthy and safe ways.  Getting off the psych drugs has allowed me to be fully in touch with my emotions again, and able to do this.  I'm very glad that you are healing from this as well.  

 

There is a website that is for survivors of abuse, and they will not invalidate or discount you.  

 

https://www.havoca.org

Edited January 12, 2023 by getofflex

[littlebird]

On 1/2/2023 at 2:12 PM, MermaidsCantCry said:

A few years ago I became physically crippled. Doctors told me it was arthritis, but I have discovered that is not the case. I am actually in so much emotional distress and emotional pain that my body reacted by crippling me.

Do you think there’s a possibility of Fibromyalgia? I have cPTSD, and had Fibromyalgia for years before knowing what it was. I thought everyone had daily chronic pain and we were all just trying to get on with it. I’m so glad you’ve been able to find relief! I find a lot of people I meet who mention having Fibro at some point mention also having cPTSD, and vice versa.

 

How have you been finding EMDR is interacting with cPTSD? It helped me a lot, but definitely “woke up” some childhood stuff big time. I spent so much of the year I was doing EMDR disassociated! 

[KittenLePurr]

On 1/2/2023 at 4:12 PM, MermaidsCantCry said:

I'm disabled with Autism and grew up during a time when they did not understand autism very well at all and definitely not in girls. Autism for me, means being incredibly sensitive.
emotionally and to outside stimulus, Lights and sounds are painful. This makes the world around me pretty traumatizing, even before you factor in the atrocious physical and mental abuse I endured throughout my entire childhood and much of my adulthood too.
I no longer go into details about what I have gone through because it is so unbelievably horrific, I end up feeling incredibly invalidated every time I speak about it because I can tell people don't really believe me.

A few years ago I became physically crippled. Doctors told me it was arthritis, but I have discovered that is not the case. I am actually in so much emotional distress and emotional pain that my body reacted by crippling me.
After recognizing this and working on healing my inner wounds rather than constantly meditating away from them the pain is finally leaving my body. I am able to move in ways I have not been able to in years.

I am far from "recovered" I can't go outside and I still experience flashbacks through the day but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a little better each week than the week before and people in my life notice the changes I am making.
not since discovering mindfulness meditation, has a practice been so noticeably life changing for me. 
Mindfulness meditation is only a PART of the whole solution for PTSD.

The traumas must be looked at, and given attention and filled with love, not just cleared from the mind only to come back again and again.

I recommend investigating EMDR therapy, and IFS therapy. they get to the real root of the problem - which is a nervous system stuck in trauma.
that being said I also recommend learning some "vagal toning" exercises of the Vegas nerve.

I am having real incredible healing and I haven't spent a dime and never had to leave my home.






 

I LOVE IFS and am so glad you've found healing through it, as well as EMDR and vagal toning. That's amazing you've made such progress, even though I know the healing journey is long...therefore a journey, not a destination.

 

EMDR helped me the time I did it to deal with losing a loved one (in the same room...still traumatic, but revisiting it softened the horror and PTSD noticeably) and I've been working with an IFS therapist since last year. I feel like it's the thing. Because at the end of the day, if we don't meet all the parts of ourselves with love we're still kinda just avoiding them.