Ewa: She saved my life

[Ewa]

On 1/30/2023 at 1:52 AM, DaBro said:

You are a strong woman @Ewa you had a long journey through hell. I like the ‘trust your inner voice’ comment. At my worst I knew the symptoms were not me and would not beat me and all the flashbacks too. It’s hard to stay strong in the waves and that’s what brings people here. To stay the path during a 2-3 year wave is incredible. Well done to you and your support network. 

Thank you so much DaBro 

I’m so happy you have trusted your inner voice too and recovered fully.

Best wishes to you and your loved ones.

Ewa

[Ewa]

On 1/30/2023 at 10:16 AM, Gardengonewild said:

Awww. I'm only holding on for my son. He's keeping me alive although I'm so severe and traumatized it seems pointless. I'm glad your story had a happy ending. BTW I know kinga 

Keep holding on Gardengonewild it is so worth it…we are all traumatized by it while we are in it. Sanding you strength to endure your journey.

Ewa

[Gardengonewild]

On 2/4/2023 at 1:17 PM, Ewa said:

Keep holding on Gardengonewild it is so worth it…we are all traumatized by it while we are in it. Sanding you strength to endure your journey.

Ewa

Thanks Ewa. I'm holding him now but I have no connection. Too much injury to the brain and trauma. Looping looping ruined brain. I was normal but it's hard to believe that now. 4 yrs of a hell I can't describe. Love to chat but I know you are busy with your new life

[Ewa]

On 2/9/2023 at 10:22 PM, Gardengonewild said:

Thanks Ewa. I'm holding him now but I have no connection. Too much injury to the brain and trauma. Looping looping ruined brain. I was normal but it's hard to believe that now. 4 yrs of a hell I can't describe. Love to chat but I know you are busy with your new life

Yes it is torture in itself to not have that connection to your child but it comes back with healing. Intrusive thoughts are symptoms like any other and I was tortured by them too, and it is never anything that is empowering it is always the opposite.

We are not broken, we are injured and our bodies have wonderful abilities to heal and come to homeostasis. 
Wishing you full recovery and the strength to endure your journey.

Ewa

[Ewa]

Hello beautiful humans in suffering.

Just wanted to share something with you so you can see that healing is the outcome of this tortures journey. I started to exercise when I was 39 years old, over the time yoga has become my niche, I was physically fit when my Armageddon happened. I was bedridden for 3 years. 2 months ago I started my yoga practice and I’m astonished how fast my physical body is gaining strength, also I’m gaining my muscles back. My weight before withdrawal was 130 Ib, at my lowest weight in withdrawal I was 113 Ib, I’m 125 Ib now almost back to my prior weight. I don’t mind to be heavier then 130 Ib it’s not about weight control at all, it is just my constitution physically. 
You will come back to life you will heal you will feel joy deeper then ever before.

With love to all of You 💞

 

Ewa

[Elaine5]

Thanks for sharing @Ewa. One of my biggest fears here is the loss of my looks/fitness. Thanks for sharing that gets better too. You rock! 

[Gardengonewild]

Beautiful picture. I was at my best shape before my brain exploded and I was sent to hell and psych wards. They convinced me I had premenstrual psychosis and talked me into a full hysterectomy so I have gained an enormous amount of weight. Proud of you 

[angela9985]

Ewa, I wish i could be like you. May you live long and prosper.

Angela, suffering in hell

[Ewa]

12 hours ago, ElaineBenes5 said:

Thanks for sharing @Ewa. One of my biggest fears here is the loss of my looks/fitness. Thanks for sharing that gets better too. You rock! 

You are very much welcome Elaine. When I posted this picture I asked myself would I want to see that while I was in withdrawal and the answer was absolutely Yes. I crave any information that was empowering and showing that we do recover. 
While in withdrawal I was so sick that thinking about fitness and remembering my yoga practice was completely abstract, I could not fathom how I would ever be able to do that again. So I wanted to show you this, that yes, You will be able again to resume your fitness whatever form that is. 
You rock too Elain ! Because you are going through withdrawal and that is the hardest part. 
 

Wishing you full recovery 

 

Ewa

[Ewa]

11 hours ago, Gardengonewild said:

Beautiful picture. I was at my best shape before my brain exploded and I was sent to hell and psych wards. They convinced me I had premenstrual psychosis and talked me into a full hysterectomy so I have gained an enormous amount of weight. Proud of you 

Thank you Gardengonewilde,

so sorry to hear that the system took your uterus, I imagine you had your periods since teenage years and they convinced you that all of the sudden your periods were making you psychotic. How sick and sinister that is.
I know someone who is very close to me that because she had bipolar label was also “castrated”, she has also gain a lot of weight but then she has lost all that weight and now she looks great. 

Once you recover you can also get your body back. I wish you that with all of my heart.

 

Ewa

 

 

[Ewa]

9 hours ago, angela9985 said:

Ewa, I wish i could be like you. May you live long and prosper.

Angela, suffering in hell

Dear Angela, you are so young, and I’m very sorry you are suffering but know that “this too shall pass” . You will recover and have your life back. You are special and unique like every snowflake is unique and beautiful. 
You do have that strength in you I’m certain of that. Never give up on yourself.

 

Ewa

[Gardengonewild]

On 2/12/2023 at 8:14 AM, Ewa said:

Thank you Gardengonewilde,

so sorry to hear that the system took your uterus, I imagine you had your periods since teenage years and they convinced you that all of the sudden your periods were making you psychotic. How sick and sinister that is.
I know someone who is very close to me that because she had bipolar label was also “castrated”, she has also gain a lot of weight but then she has lost all that weight and now she looks great. 

Once you recover you can also get your body back. I wish you that with all of my heart.

 

Ewa

 

 

Thanks for telling me that lovie. You truly are a special being. The psych ward trauma is extreme. The sxs in my mind and the physical brain sxs (twisting, scooped, ripping, burning, dead) and looping omg. Knowing I've been to those evil places for the reason I went seems to have forever stolen my motherhood. I'm 27months off now and just not getting better heartbreaking. I wish I could show you pictures of me before. I was an excellent momma and wife and on top of the world. Love you. Ttyl

[Ewa]

On 2/13/2023 at 3:47 PM, Gardengonewild said:

Thanks for telling me that lovie. You truly are a special being. The psych ward trauma is extreme. The sxs in my mind and the physical brain sxs (twisting, scooped, ripping, burning, dead) and looping omg. Knowing I've been to those evil places for the reason I went seems to have forever stolen my motherhood. I'm 27months off now and just not getting better heartbreaking. I wish I could show you pictures of me before. I was an excellent momma and wife and on top of the world. Love you. Ttyl

Yes the suffering and trauma is all real, and we are completely gone as former self and all roles we “played” but we come back and can resume life albeit from different vantage point.

I very much wishing you reaching that point.

With love 

 

Ewa

[Gardengonewild]

Did you have any brain sensations at all? Were you s.i.? Did you loop on the hospital trauma and everything else at all? Sorry to ask

[Sabbysab]

Your success story is inspiring and so comforting.  I'm amazed at how we are driven to the depths of hell sometimes but make it to the other side. 

Question, one of my main struggles after 9 months off of Paxil with a 1.5 year taper is the disconnection I feel. I feel it in my closest relationships and even to myself. Ive had a few windows here and there but mostly nothing. Is this what you felt? My purpose in removing this drug and fighting so hard to get off was to feel.

[Experiment1996]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

 

I am always happy when I find a success story. 

 

For me, certain things are a bit confusing. I hope you can enlighten me so that I have a better overview.

 

You wrote that you have been without drugs since May 2019.
You published your success story in December 2022.

That's a total of 44 months.

 

Can you answer these questions for me:

 

1. At which month were you 100% healed (without symptoms) ?

2. Did you not take any medication (drugs) in these 44 months ?

3. At which months did the symptoms become less severe ? Or did you just get up one day and you were 100 % healed (without symptoms) ?

 

I start today with month 39. I had reduction in symptoms (the symptoms became less severe and some went away) at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.

 

Numbers are very important for me. I put a lot of emphasis on a good success story.

 

Thanks and greetings.

 

Experiment1996

[peaceandlove]

Hey @Ewa I love your story & thanks for posting those pictures nothing like getting back to yourself & being able to work out & put on weight. You look good 🙂 I too love yoga

 

my question is you sad “my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat” 

how long did it take for your GI issues to go away?

 

I have no appetite either, full, bloating feeling,  indigestion. Does that sound like what you experienced 

[Ewa]

On 2/15/2023 at 12:36 PM, Gardengonewild said:

Did you have any brain sensations at all? Were you s.i.? Did you loop on the hospital trauma and everything else at all? Sorry to ask

During my euphoric state (which lasted 8 months) I had brain zaps also micro lightning bolts in my brain, few times I had micro like seizures. I was not SI during euphoria I became SI two weeks after being back on Cymbalta plus Ativan. Yes I had looping intrusive thoughts about everything that has happened to me since I cold turkey in January 2018.

 

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Ewa]

On 2/27/2023 at 7:03 PM, Sabbysab said:

Your success story is inspiring and so comforting.  I'm amazed at how we are driven to the depths of hell sometimes but make it to the other side. 

Question, one of my main struggles after 9 months off of Paxil with a 1.5 year taper is the disconnection I feel. I feel it in my closest relationships and even to myself. Ive had a few windows here and there but mostly nothing. Is this what you felt? My purpose in removing this drug and fighting so hard to get off was to feel.

Thank you Sabbysab

Emotional disconnection is very common symptom in withdrawal, I had it very bad for very long time, but it all comes back 😊. For me it was very gradual process yet so very worth it because I feel deeply all of my emotions.

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Ewa]

17 hours ago, Experiment1996 said:

Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

 

I am always happy when I find a success story. 

 

For me, certain things are a bit confusing. I hope you can enlighten me so that I have a better overview.

 

You wrote that you have been without drugs since May 2019.
You published your success story in December 2022.

That's a total of 44 months.

 

Can you answer these questions for me:

 

1. At which month were you 100% healed (without symptoms) ?

2. Did you not take any medication (drugs) in these 44 months ?

3. At which months did the symptoms become less severe ? Or did you just get up one day and you were 100 % healed (without symptoms) ?

 

I start today with month 39. I had reduction in symptoms (the symptoms became less severe and some went away) at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.

 

Numbers are very important for me. I put a lot of emphasis on a good success story.

 

Thanks and greetings.

 

Experiment1996

You very much welcome 😊

I have cold turkey from 60 mg Cymbalta January 2018 (it is in my story) went back on Cymbalta plus Ativan in the end of August 2018 then then(two months taper) may 2019 I was drug free again but this time I knew why I was so sick and I made decision to fight for my drug free life. 
I believe numbers are very important in mathematical equation and in tapering. 
I am not a mathematical equation and I did not taper so I don’t have any numbers to give you. My process was very slow I can’t put numbers on it because it would have to be in decimal points 😉

 

1. August 2022 

2.Since May 2019 I have not taken any medication, no supplements either. 
3.I come back to life very very very slowly, I can not give you a month because it was not like that for me. After my trip to Oregon I was able to start function and doing every day task including showering and cooking, but like I said it was very slow process so I didn’t cook every day I did not shower every day but one a every few days. Very slow gradual process. 
Congratulation on your progress and wishing you all the best 😊

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Ewa]

12 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

Hey @Ewa I love your story & thanks for posting those pictures nothing like getting back to yourself & being able to work out & put on weight. You look good 🙂 I too love yoga

 

my question is you sad “my GI was twisting and burning, I forced myself to eat” 

how long did it take for your GI issues to go away?

 

I have no appetite either, full, bloating feeling,  indigestion. Does that sound like what you experienced 

Hello peaceandlove 😊 yoga sister 🤗

Yes my GI was shut and it was my most physically challenging symptoms, burning like acid and twisting turning and constant turmoil in my gut. It was so severe that I just wanted to take a knife and cut my gut out. 
No appetite, full, bloating feeling, indigestion yes I had it too. Plus I also had this hunger but not for food because I had no appetite at all. It was pure torture. It was very very gradual improvements and now my gut is good, sometimes I still have very minor residue but it is nothing to complain about because it is not even close to that state in withdrawal. 
 

Hope I have answered your question. 
 

Take care 

 

Ewa 

 

 

[Gardengonewild]

On 2/14/2023 at 4:35 PM, Ewa said:

Yes the suffering and trauma is all real, and we are completely gone as former self and all roles we “played” but we come back and can resume life albeit from different vantage point.

I very much wishing you reaching that point.

With love 

 

Ewa

 

41 minutes ago, Ewa said:

During my euphoric state (which lasted 8 months) I had brain zaps also micro lightning bolts in my brain, few times I had micro like seizures. I was not SI during euphoria I became SI two weeks after being back on Cymbalta plus Ativan. Yes I had looping intrusive thoughts about everything that has happened to me since I cold turkey in January 2018.

 

Take care 

 

Ewa

What happened with all that looping my dear? How did it go away

[Ewa]

1 minute ago, Gardengonewild said:

 

What happened with all that looping my dear? How did it go away

It was very gradual process like with all other symptoms. My body was coming down from the shock of nuclear explosion (that’s what my cold turkey was to all my systems and to every single cell in my body) it was very slow process of all the dust and debris to settle down. To regain homeostasis it take time, your body will come down your mind will settle with it. 
Take care 😊

 

Ewa

[peaceandlove]

1 hour ago, Ewa said:

Hello peaceandlove 😊 yoga sister 🤗

Yes my GI was shut and it was my most physically challenging symptoms, burning like acid and twisting turning and constant turmoil in my gut. It was so severe that I just wanted to take a knife and cut my gut out. 
No appetite, full, bloating feeling, indigestion yes I had it too. Plus I also had this hunger but not for food because I had no appetite at all. It was pure torture. It was very very gradual improvements and now my gut is good, sometimes I still have very minor residue but it is nothing to complain about because it is not even close to that state in withdrawal. 
 

Hope I have answered your question. 
 

Take care 

 

Ewa 

 

 

Thank you for the reply. It literally is torture. I want to eat a full meal in one setting so bad. You made my day by letting me know it gets better 🙂 

[Ewa]

17 minutes ago, peaceandlove said:

Thank you for the reply. It literally is torture. I want to eat a full meal in one setting so bad. You made my day by letting me know it gets better 🙂 

You very much welcome 🤗 

O boy how I understand this “I want to eat full meal in one setting so bad.” I dreamed about that but it felt completely surreal idea, such is the state of our body and mind in withdrawal.

 

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Experiment1996]

9 hours ago, Ewa said:

You very much welcome 😊

I have cold turkey from 60 mg Cymbalta January 2018 (it is in my story) went back on Cymbalta plus Ativan in the end of August 2018 then then(two months taper) may 2019 I was drug free again but this time I knew why I was so sick and I made decision to fight for my drug free life. 
I believe numbers are very important in mathematical equation and in tapering. 
I am not a mathematical equation and I did not taper so I don’t have any numbers to give you. My process was very slow I can’t put numbers on it because it would have to be in decimal points 😉

 

1. August 2022 

2.Since May 2019 I have not taken any medication, no supplements either. 
3.I come back to life very very very slowly, I can not give you a month because it was not like that for me. After my trip to Oregon I was able to start function and doing every day task including showering and cooking, but like I said it was very slow process so I didn’t cook every day I did not shower every day but one a every few days. Very slow gradual process. 
Congratulation on your progress and wishing you all the best 😊

Take care 

 

Ewa

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I have done the math. From May 01, 2019 - July 31, 2022 it is a total of 39 months.

I started on 01 March 2023 with month 39. Let's see if I will be cured after this month.

 

How would you describe anhedonia in your own words ?

[Ewa]

10 hours ago, Experiment1996 said:

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I have done the math. From May 01, 2019 - July 31, 2022 it is a total of 39 months.

I started on 01 March 2023 with month 39. Let's see if I will be cured after this month.

 

How would you describe anhedonia in your own words ?

You welcome 😊

Anhedonia, I was not able to feel, perceive, see, anything what we associate with positive or pleasure, nothing not even smallest feeling of it it was all gone. 
 

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Fairsome]

Hi, you said you had a complete loss of libido? Have you recovered from that right now? Did you have sexual dysfunction like not being able to get aroused?

[Elaine5]

Hi Ewa, I know you mentioned libido and anhedonia. We’re you able to feel any romantic attraction or satisfaction from love, romantic or otherwise during this time? I really cannot feel these things at all right now. No cascade of any endorphins or dopamine release or anything like that. 
 

In happy you are better now. 

[Ewa]

On 3/7/2023 at 10:25 AM, Fairsome said:

Hi, you said you had a complete loss of libido? Have you recovered from that right now? Did you have sexual dysfunction like not being able to get aroused?

Hi Fairsome, yes my libido was not existent during withdrawal (except when I was in euphoric state I had spontaneous orgasms, that means without any stimulation). I was too sick to even think about sex, and because of my mothers trauma I was disgusted with sex. It all came back I have no issues in that department now.

Take care 

 

Ewa

[Ewa]

On 3/10/2023 at 10:20 PM, Elaine5 said:

Hi Ewa, I know you mentioned libido and anhedonia. We’re you able to feel any romantic attraction or satisfaction from love, romantic or otherwise during this time? I really cannot feel these things at all right now. No cascade of any endorphins or dopamine release or anything like that. 
 

In happy you are better now. 

Hello Elaine5 

During my euphoric state I had persistant sexual arousal and spontaneous orgasms. 
Then for years that part of me was completely gone, I was not able to feel even one grain of romantic or physical feelings that comes with love,attraction, infatuation, desire. It was all gone completely. The good news is that I have it all back stronger then before. Once you heal it all comes back.

Thank you Elaine, you will heal too and will have all those feelings back. 

Take care 

 

Ewa 

[leahbean]

May I ask why you went on cymbalta originally?  Have you had any return of depression?

 

Also, how did your husband care for you?  Did he have help?  I’m wondering if my husband will have to do the same thing for me.