HelenR's battle

[HelenR]

Hi everyone I have been reading the group posts for weeks and finally plucked up the courage to write here. It may be a bit long so I apologise.

I had been on Citalopram for 10 yrs coping reasonably well but still had situational anxiety and the odd phobia but generally a happy life and work.

Fast forward to last year and I was under a lot of stress trying to sort out elderly parents, hospitals, carers etc. I noticed I wasn't coping so well and getting short tempered and angry. Anyway it resulted in a doctor's trip as my Gastritis flared up and was too painful to come with. Never been that bad before. A trip to A&E with PPIs pumped into me and pain killers. Sent home with 2 different antibiotics.  Was very very sick for a fortnight and couldn't eat. Gradually improved eating but had to have low fat, no gluten or acid etc due to pain. After that I had continuous adrenaline 24/7 and in constant flight or fight. Spoke to mental health nurse who upped my Citalopram to 20mg from 10mg. No improvement after 2 weeks so she added a small dose of diazepam at 2mg twice a day. Still high adrenaline and cortisol all day . Losing lots of weight and no sleep so she added promethazine for sleep. Took only 12.5mg on odd days but made my head feel weird every time I woke up. Then the nurse upped my Citalopram to 30mg but I tried a week and dropped down to 20mg as it didn't help. Little did I know what I was doing.

A month later she suggested straight swap to Sertraline. I only took 12.5mg for 2 weeks but felt very poorly. Started having hallucinations and flu like symptoms and was dry heaving for days. After 2 weeks I stopped ALL my tablets!!!

4 days later I felt odd, my head was weird with lots of pressure and totally jumbled thoughts. I was given Mirtazipine and took 1 tablet only but next morning I could not move from my bed as I felt drugged. Never took another. All the while my adrenaline pumped furiously still. A few days with no drugs Im not sure how many days but I reinstated Citalopram at 2.5mg for 3 days then upped to 5mg. Have stayed on 5mg now for 3 or 4 weeks but no improvement. Then weird symptoms started and I found this site. Realising what an idiot I've been and totally overmedicated by mental health nurses. 

My symptoms seem to tally with so many others on here and I came to realise I was in withdrawals but not sure from what drug. Possibly them all.

I'm scared to death as my brain will not sort it's feelings out. My chest feels like it's being sat on by a sumo wrestler and countless other symptoms which a lot will recognise. Currently the tension in my jaw, neck and head makes my brain shake and my thoughts get so jumbled. Along with Gastritis pain every day it's becoming such a struggle to survive this.

I check this site daily for reassurance and success stories to keep my hopes up but most days I'm in terror.

The worst bit for me is my brain. I can't control my thoughts and although I've never had depression I feel a sense of doom a lot and my brain switches off and goes numb. I've now got weakness to the extent of hardly putting one foot in front of the other but not every day. I've been housebound for 6months. On a rare good day I try to go out for a stroll with my partner but it's too overwhelming and I get back and my brain is scrambled. I try to keep busy indoors, I do crosswords on a good day or watch T.V but not for long as I can't concentrate.

I'm now down by 4 stone in weight although I'm eating healthy at least 4 small meals a day or my gastritis hurts . I eat fresh fruit and mainly organic foods.

I use Vit C and some magnesium glycinate but I can't cope with B vitamins. I drink water all day and an odd cup of earl grey decaf tea if I'm brave.

I've read a lot on here and will be always grateful for finding this site or I don't think I would be here now. 

My quandary is whether to up my Citalopram slowly or try to taper down from 5mg. I'm not sure how I will cope with any more symptoms so may stay another couple of months on 5mg even though it's not working.  

I shall continue to read stories on here when my brain allows just to keep inspired.

Thankyou to anyone if they've read all this. Best of luck to all of you.

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @HelenR

 

On 2/6/2023 at 2:16 AM, HelenR said:

I reinstated Citalopram at 2.5mg for 3 days then upped to 5mg. Have stayed on 5mg now for 3 or 4 weeks but no improvement. Then weird symptoms started and I found this site.

 

We have seen that people might have serious adverse reactions when they add antibiotics or other drugs. This usually settles down on its own after a week or two. Increasing citalopram wouldn't help and in your case, the ultimate dosage might have been too much, causing its own adverse effects, as did the other psychiatric drugs later prescribed.

 

What are the weird symptoms to which you refer, and when did they start? What times o'clock do you take each of your drugs, with their dosages?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[HelenR]

Thankyou for accepting my post. I will try and adjust my signature.

[HelenR]

Ive tried to read how to update my progress but im not very computer savvy!!

Here goes...

Since my initial post about my journey i was asked to update certain things.

August 2022 severe anxiety and gastritis so upped Citalopram to 20mg, no change so advised to up to 30mg.   I was given Diazepam in September at 2mg twice a day.  I took this as and when and altered between 1mg and 2mg on days when my adrenaline was unbearable.This was done all over September 20222.  Was given Sertraline 25mg to try as a straight swap in October but reduced Citalopram to 10mg and waited til November 23rd before i started.  I started to get head pressure in the back of my head and my adrenaline would not stop rushing 24/7 which started in August and continued on.  Rapidly losing weight as nausea was bad along with hypersensitive gag reflex. Once i started Sertraline a few days in and i started to get hallucinations and shivers.  After 2 weeks i told the mental health nurse and she said ok we will try Mirtazipine. I took one 7.5mg  I n the morning i could hardly move my limbs and had a massive panic attack. Never took it again.

Introduced Promethazine to help me sleep by the nurse in September some time but i only used it on odd evenings at a low dose of 12.5mg.

After my Mirtazipine experience i decided i couldnt do this anymore so i quit all drugs cold turkey.  

I felt so ill with head pressure, nausea,panic attacks jaw clenching so again my mind said i needed to do something so i re-instated 2.5mg 12th December .

During all of this i went gluten free because my Gastritis was so painful and went onto bland food with no additives and lots of fresh organic foods. I took Omega 3 and Magnesium Glycinate along with B complex during September onwards.

On the 16th December i upped Citalopram to 5mg because the head pressure and anxiety was still continuing.

I need to say that August, September , October i was mostly bed bound due to weakness and gastritis pain along with severe adrenaline rushes BUT on odd good days i managed small walks around the block because my head was a lot clearer then.  I always felt better late afternoon into the evening where everything seemed more settled and sometimes nearly normal except the gastritis.  I got more done in the evenings and tended to walk outside then or clean the house when i had the strength.

I continued taking 5mg Citalopram and managed to cope with lots of symptoms like head pressure and tension in the body but then things started to change.

The end of January my head/brain buzzing and pressure lasted longer each day and distraction would not stop it. My neck and jaw tension increased to a daily occurance and feels like im being strangled or i start to gag.  A week later at the beginning of Feb it was constant, i have no windows now like i used to and i feel depressed to the point of not wanting to live. Ive never had depression in my life so this is a shock.  i wont act on my thoughts as i want to live.  My brain now feels scrambled as if it cant decide what to do and i suffer with anger too which scares me.  I cant tolerate people talking to me as i cant listen and my concentration is poor.  I started getting electric shocks under my armpits a few days ago on both sides and my hands and feet go numb on a regular basis.

This is life changing as im normally level headed and try to be calm and empathetic.  Although ive suffered from Anxiety for years in certain situations ive managed to live a pretty good life.  My work has been varied as an office worker, carer and cleaner.  I was looking after my elderly parents too along with normal work so this has now all stopped.

I really want to get off Citalopram but im not sure when and how due to the way my brain is reacting.  I am asking my doctor if i can have liquid Citalopram in readiness for tapering but im not sure if he will agree.  Im cutting my 10mg in half at the moment with a pill cutter but it wont go any smaller or it breaks up.

Due to my symptoms is it advisable to stay on 5mg Citalopram although its now nearly 2 months at this dose and im getting worse each day or would i try and taper.

I am petrified things are going to get worse as im struggling with everything now.  For some reason i cant smile, laugh or have a proper cry.  I dont feel anything apart from emptyness and some residual anxiety and doom.  

My apologies for a disjointed post but computers are not my strong suit.

Wishing you sufferers all the best on you journey.

[Altostrata]

@HelenR see responses above. Please put your questions in this Introductions topic rather than starting new topics in the Introductions forum. Only one Introductions topic to a member.

[Altostrata]

On 2/10/2023 at 7:02 AM, HelenR said:

After my Mirtazipine experience i decided i couldnt do this anymore so i quit all drugs cold turkey.  

 

 

Which drugs did you quit cold turkey? This was in December?

 

Quote

2022 - August. Gastritis, Omeprazole 20 mg for 2 weeks. Continual pain, changed diet.

 

What drugs were you taking in June-August 2022? What were your drug changes in that period? 

 

Did you skip any doses, take antibiotics, have covid, or drink alcohol?

[HelenR]

I quit all drugs which were Sertraline, Citalopram, diazepam and promethazine . Stopped abruptly for approx 6 days in December. Reinstated Citalopram at 2.5mg .

Back in August I was given 7 days of antibiotics and omeprazole.

 

[HelenR]

16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Which drugs did you quit cold turkey? This was in December?

 

 

What drugs were you taking in June-August 2022? What were your drug changes in that period? 

 

Did you skip any doses, take antibiotics, have covid, or drink alcohol?

 

[HelenR]

In December i quit Diazapam, Sertraline 25mg(only on for 2 weeks), Promethazine.

Prior to that i was on 10mg of Citalopram for 10years and stable. In July 2022 i did increase to 20mg once a week and 10mg for the rest of the week due to some stressful times. 

In August i was given 7 days supply of amoxyciline and clarithromycin.  I took the weeks worth of Amoxyciline but only managed 4 days of Clarithromycin as i was too sick to carry on the full dose. I assumed it was the combination of the two antibiotics as never had a problem with Amoxyciline in the past.

I probably missed an odd dose of Citalopram within the week i took antibiotics but cannot be sure as i was really unwell. 

Now i have reinstated Citalopram at 5mg for nearly 2 months i am not stabilising at all. 

My symptoms are buzzing head, depression, head pressure, tight neck and jaw with teeth clenching and awful rage. Aches and pains in body with electric shocks in parts of the body.

I cannot think straight most days as mind feels jumbled.

Is this protracted withdrawals?

Im havinf trouble with using this site and posting, responding.  I cant seem to start a journal.  I have re-read guides but i cant get the hang of it.

I wanted to ask advise on tapering.  Do i wait til im stable or shall i start a taper?

So sorry to post it on this reply.

 

I have not had Covid, i do not drink alcohol or do drugs but i am a smoker.  

Prior to August 2022 i have never experienced depression or any other symptoms.

 

[mstimc]

On 2/6/2023 at 2:16 AM, HelenR said:

The worst bit for me is my brain. I can't control my thoughts and although I've never had depression I feel a sense of doom a lot and my brain switches off and goes numb.

Hi Helen

 

Just a note of support.  I was where you are--constant feelings of doom and dread. On my way to work, I'd pray to make it through the day and on may way home I'd pray to get some rest.  I liken it to feeling like an animal trapped in a cage, and the cage are your own thoughts.  I found my way to recovery through a great therapist who taught me to use CBT to manage my ruminations.  You can and will recover--it takes time and effort but you can do it! 

[HelenR]

1 hour ago, mstimc said:

Hi Helen

 

Just a note of support.  I was where you are--constant feelings of doom and dread. On my way to work, I'd pray to make it through the day and on may way home I'd pray to get some rest.  I liken it to feeling like an animal trapped in a cage, and the cage are your own thoughts.  I found my way to recovery through a great therapist who taught me to use CBT to manage my ruminations.  You can and will recover--it takes time and effort but you can do it! 

 

1 hour ago, mstimc said:

Hi Helen

 

Just a note of support.  I was where you are--constant feelings of doom and dread. On my way to work, I'd pray to make it through the day and on may way home I'd pray to get some rest.  I liken it to feeling like an animal trapped in a cage, and the cage are your own thoughts.  I found my way to recovery through a great therapist who taught me to use CBT to manage my ruminations.  You can and will recover--it takes time and effort but you can do it! 

Thankyou for your encouraging words.

[Altostrata]

10 hours ago, HelenR said:

In December i quit Diazapam, Sertraline 25mg(only on for 2 weeks), Promethazine.

Prior to that i was on 10mg of Citalopram for 10years and stable.

 

So you went from 10 years of 10mg citalopram to a couple of weeks of 25 sertraline in November? In December, you cold-turkeyed 2mg diazepam after taking it daily from September to mid-December?

 

It's likely you're suffering from withdrawal from citalopram and diazepam. Why did you quit diazepam?

[HelenR]

I was prescribed Diazepam as a temporary measure to help with severe anxiety which hit me in August when i had a bad bout of gastritis.  The Citalopram just was not working and i was having extreme adrenaline rushes 24/7 so the mental health nurse thought Diazepam may help.  I took it at low doses of 2mg twice a day , some days i took only 1mg twice a day and some days i didnt take it.  I was not issued any more Diazepam .  I did not feel it really helped my adrenaline at the time.  I felt Citalopram was losing its effect prior to August because i was not dealing with stress very well but i never had any other symptoms until severe anxiety hit with the gastritis in August 2022.  My withdrawal symptoms hit severely in December when my head pressure started to get bad and then my mind started to have mixed up messages and feelings.  I have steadily got worse since then with all other symptoms.  My doctor will not administer anymore Diazepam as it was only a stop gap.  I had no idea that stopping any of these drugs would cause such a catastrophic outcome!!

I want to taper citalopram but im scared because i just cant seem to stabilise on 5mg Citalopram.  Would i try an increase or hold on a bit longer.

I would like to do a daily or weekly journal of my symptoms etc but i cant work out how to do this.  Do i go into my original introduction and add it on a " quote".  

Thank you for the replies so far.  Myself and my partner have tried to navigate the site but with no success.  Maybe we are looking at the wrong section but i cannot see how i add to a post .

[Altostrata]

Prior to August 2022, did you ever skip doses of citalopram or take it off schedule? Had covid? Drunk alcohol? Added any other drugs prior to developing gastritis?

[HelenR]

I didn't add any other drugs prior to August or drink alcohol. I didn't have Covid. I did take my Citalopram regularly every evening around the same time but on occasions I upped my dose to 20mg from 10mg but this was ad-hoc. I was having some stress for a few months due to elderly parents and caring responsibilities so a couple of times I thought I could up my dose for a couple of days a week. I did this randomly thinking it would help me during stressful periods. I didn't realise the implications at the time. 

[Altostrata]

You reinstated 2.5mg citalopram on December 12 and increased to 5mg on December 16? How has your symptom pattern changed since the end of December?

[HelenR]

I have more head pressure. I used to only get bad symptoms for a few hours after waking then the afternoons were a lot easier. Now I have chest pressure on waking followed by buzzing head which can make my thoughts jumbled up. I have bouts of rage and depression at random times of the day.  There are no windows lately. I used to get windows in the afternoons and evenings but I don't feel peaceful until around 8pm . 

My sleep pattern is disturbed. I sleep 2 hrs then wake up, then back to sleep for an odd hour. Usually awake by 4am with no further sleep.

Citalopram is taken at 12 noon lunchtimes which is consistent every day.

[Altostrata]

How has your sleep pattern changed since the end of December?

[HelenR]

No I still go to bed at the same time every evening but I'm waking up more often in the night. 

[Altostrata]

On 2/13/2023 at 8:55 PM, HelenR said:

Citalopram is taken at 12 noon lunchtimes which is consistent every day.

 

How do you currently feel after you take citalopram compared to how you feel when you wake up and before you take citalopram at noon?

[HelenR]

Well weirdly when I first reinstated I would get high anxiety about 2hrs after taking it and then it would subside and I would have a brighter afternoon and evening. The last few weeks towards the end of January and beginning of Feb I started feeling worse in the afternoons and it's not til around 8pm onwards I feel a tiny bit better. I take the Citalopram at exactly the same time every day.  I take omega 3 mornings only along with my daily levothyroxine. 

The mornings seem to have less symptoms and as the day wears on they increase. The head pressure has been constant for a good 3 weeks where before it used subside after a couple of hours. The chest pressure used to be morning only but now it can last all day. 

I'm wandering if it's time to start a very small taper of maybe 5%.

[Altostrata]

16 minutes ago, HelenR said:

The mornings seem to have less symptoms and as the day wears on they increase.

 

Do they increase after you take citalopram at noon?

[HelenR]

Some times it's about 1 hour after the dose that it gets worse but other times the symptoms are there all day . I would say that Citalopram really isn't making much difference. Today for instance there were no changes to symptoms before or after Citalopram so it's not consistent.  I have definately less symptoms about 7 to 8 hrs after Citalopram in the evening.

[Altostrata]

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can help identify symptoms that are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

[HelenR]

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can help identify symptoms that are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

Ok thankyou. I will note everything for the next two days. I guess I add it to my introductions?

[Altostrata]

Yes, post it here in your Introductions topic.

[HelenR]

Hi @Altostrata I am compiling my daily lists as instructed. I shall try and condense them down a bit before adding them on here. Many thanks 

[HelenR]

@Altostrata

Hi Altostrata

How do i start to add to the site showing my daily journal?  I tried to search on how to add it, it states I have to put it in my Introductions.  Do I just edit my introduction and start inputting my daily updates?

Many thanks.

[Altostrata]

Just post your notes in the reply box below, in this topic.

[HelenR]

Can I talk head pressure?

It's month 3 of WD from multi drugs. Reinstated Citalopram in December 2022 to half dose.

Up til now I've had head pressure on and off but today is very severe. It seems to be as if someone is sitting on my shoulders and pushing me downward. Some days I can feel the brain being pushed in and out and get a weird headache, other days it can bring on severe heavy depression or mixed up messages as if my brain is damaged.

I'm trying not to panic as I'm hoping it will pass again as it normally does. I was getting little Windows here and there for the odd couple of days.

Although I'm not stabilised on reinstatement I decided to reduce my Citalopram by 5% last week as I can't hold on forever. Apart from that nothing has changed this week in my regime of healthy eating etc and I stopped all vitamins a few weeks ago except for a 1tsp flax seed oil a day and occasional mag glyc of 60mg. 

Windows are such a reprieve when they happen but then it seems to be worse afterwards.

My recent window was last week, not completely symptom free but just enough to see my elderly parents for a couple of hours. The first time I've managed it in 6mnths. They are suffering as I was looking after them twice a week before this all happened.

It was quite stressful for me as they have declined a lot and mum is getting dementia.

Anyway the next day the Window disappeared but I've started to feel worse. The head pressure and horrible thoughts are worse and my arms and legs feel like they don't belong. I'm clenching my teeth all day and have pain all over my body but especially in the head.

Is it common to get worse after a Window or may it be due to the stressful meeting with my parents. Or it could be the small reduction to my Citalopram. I seem to get worse if I try to do anything. I had a phone conversation with my sister today and I could feel the pressure building in my head and now I have to lay on my bed.  Sometimes I hate Windows as they give you a false sense of security and afterwards the symptoms are worse than before. I'm trying Not to think this is forever. I'm luckier than some of you but I still can't function or return to work. 

 

[mstimc]

Hi Helen

 

Its not at all unusual to feel worse after a window.  The window gives you so much relief and then a wave hits and you feel like you'll never get better.  But each window is a reminder you can and will heal.  If your brain pressure is accompanied by depression or confused thoughts, its probably a physical manifestation of anxiety.  Muscular tightness is very common with anxiety, especially in the neck and shoulders, and that may be what's causing your feeling of pressure in your head.  Try focusing on the long term instead of day-to-day or week-to-week.  Recovery takes place over months, not weeks.  The fact you are having windows means you're making progress.  Try telling yourself its only a matter of time before the next window comes and you'll be able to celebrate the relief you feel.  Don't dread the wave that may come after--instead be in the moment, and if another wave comes, another window will follow.  

[HelenR]

@mstimc thankyou for that kind reply and encouragement. Yes the tension starts in my neck and goes to my head and then my ribs which is agony.  Positivity is hard to find on bad days but I'm pleased to hear that windows are a sign of healing.  Somedays I feel like giving up but then I try and read success stories to gee me up. Today is just particularly bad as I feel my brain is inflating and deflating like a balloon being blown up. 

Thankyou though, it's much appreciated and will keep me positive to fight another day.

[Altostrata]

On 2/15/2023 at 7:11 PM, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes of times o’clock you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. We need to know how you feel before and after taking each drug, and your symptoms in between. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time o’clock on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can help identify symptoms that are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

 

Did not see this as requested so I can't comment.

[Tom2020]

Hi @HelenR. On Traz23's intro topic you said  "I really cannot be bed bound for too much longer as I'm starting to get sores on the base of my spine where I've lost the muscle and fat!! "

 

I had sores for most of a year and they were tough to get rid of. I had to find the right combination of things. Have you had any help with them?

[HelenR]

13 hours ago, Tom2020 said:

Hi @HelenR. On Traz23's intro topic you said  "I really cannot be bed bound for too much longer as I'm starting to get sores on the base of my spine where I've lost the muscle and fat!! "

 

I had sores for most of a year and they were tough to get rid of. I had to find the right combination of things. Have you had any help with them?

@Tom2020

No I have been using Sudocrem cream and I've started to use an inflatable ring to sit on. I'm being sent for a stomach ultra sound to see why I can't put on any weight. Some of it is due to severe gastritis and I've had to change my diet which has stopped all sugar and gluten and I'm lactose free. I expected to lose some weight from the initial diet but I eat 4 small meals a day and healthy snacks in between. I use up most of my energy trying to control anxiety and the withdrawals. I tried to approach discontinuation syndrome with my local doctor but it fell on deaf ears as you can imagine. I'm trying hard to get up from my bed every half hour to do small tasks when my head allows me. The tension and head pressure is my worst symptom. Once things get easier in the WDs I hope I can stay up for longer to try and put the muscle tone back on.

[Tom2020]

@HelenRThe sores could be from pressure only but moisture can also be a big factor. If I recall, Sudocrem can actually make sores worse. It's a water-repellent barrier so it helps keep the sore dry from outside sources but if the source of water is sweat from the affected skin it will tend to trap the moisture. If sweat is the source of moisture you can get extra-strong antipersperants, and talc/baby powde, and loose, absorbent clothes can all help. You may have to try more than one thing. I think it takes about 2 weeks for skin to regrow so you have to wait to see if changes have worked. You may want to read about pressure sores and MASD (moisture-associated skin damage). Here's one link on MASD https://www.woundsource.com/patientcondition/moisture-associated-skin-damage-masd