HelenR's battle

[Tom2020]

On 3/13/2023 at 8:26 AM, HelenR said:

It seems to be as if someone is sitting on my shoulders and pushing me downward. Some days I can feel the brain being pushed in and out and get a weird headache

Is this pressure always at the back of your head?

 

On 2/6/2023 at 2:16 AM, HelenR said:

Currently the tension in my jaw, neck and head makes my brain shake and my thoughts get so jumbled.

Do you think muscle tension is the source of the pressure and headaches?

 

I'm trying to think of calorie-dense foods that might help you gain weight. Oil is the densest so if you could add a little olive oil to anything that might help. Meal-replacements drinks might be a good addition. Maybe hummus ornuts?

 

I hope you're having one of your better days.

 

 

[HelenR]

6 hours ago, Tom2020 said:

Is this pressure always at the back of your head?

 

Do you think muscle tension is the source of the pressure and headaches?

 

I'm trying to think of calorie-dense foods that might help you gain weight. Oil is the densest so if you could add a little olive oil to anything that might help. Meal-replacements drinks might be a good addition. Maybe hummus ornuts?

 

I hope you're having one of your better days.

 

 

@Tom2020thankyou for the advice on the sores. I shall stop the Sudocrem and let the air get to them more. Luckily it's not hot here in the UK so it's not the sweat that's doing it as it's chilly here.

The head pressure used to be at the back of my head originally but now it creeps up the neck and feels like it engulfs my head. It's also in my chest but I think that part is from my gastritis and acid. When the pressure is in my head I tend to feel the jaw clenching and my arms feel tight and then my hands feel like they want to make an involuntary fist. The brain feels as if it's damaged so I'm hoping it's healing.

[Tom2020]

That pressure sounds awful @HelenR. Can you see a physiotherapist about it? I had serious muscle tension for months, twice, from citalopram. I knew I was stiff and sore but I didn't realise how bad it had gotten until later. Luckily it didn't give me headaches but I wasn't clenching my jaw so that may have helped.

 

Pressure and moisture are the two big problems for sores. I hope stopping the sudocrem will help.

[Tom2020]

How have you been @HelenR? We haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're OK. There must be some nice signs of spring in the UK now.

[HelenR]

Hi @Tom2020

Thankyou for your thoughts. I've had many waves and an odd window here and there. Think I'm going through a wave at present as I've gone downhill again . I started a 10% taper in March which seemed ok but last week it hit hard and I'm having horrible symptoms of anxiety, chest pressure, jaw clenching and generally not feeling right. I've not tapered since March and will hang on til I feel stable enough to do so.  I have had a bit of stress with elderly parents and their care so I think the stress set me off again as I've been more proactive in their needs this month so I may have to step back for a while which is difficult as they are elderly.

Hoping I can get back to functioning again at around 50% which is where I was at before this new wave hit.

Well the weather is slowly getting warmer but later than usual this year. The sunshine does give us hope doesn't it.

I hope you are fairing better and are having some good windows.

[Tom2020]

I'm sorry you're having another wave and all those symptoms. A friend was very stressed last year looking after her eldery parents when they suddenly had a lot of trouble and I'm sure that can set off a wave.

 

I saw this the other day about jaw clenching and wondered if it might help https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/how-to-relieve-tension-and-pain-from-jaw-clenching-or-teeth-grinding-1.5926626

 

I"m on the West coast of Canada now but I lived in the UK till 2019. The temperatures here are very much the same year-round as in Bristol, where I lived. We're having a slow start to spring here too this year. I do like to see signs of spring and sunshine always makes me feel better.

 

I hope your wave won't last long.

[mstimc]

Hello Helen

Realizing how busy you are, and as stressful as taking care of elderly parents is. (I've ben there myself), have you explored any coping strategies like CBT or mindfulness?  I found it very difficult to practice them when I was in a wave, but I stuck with it and found myself better able to cope with the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety, especially the feeing of tension going up your neck and jaw clenching.  It also helps you keep things in perspective and it easier to make decisions.   I used what I call a "toolbox" of different coping practices t help me deal with different situations.  Coping doesn't make the feelings go away but it does help you manage the them.

[HelenR]

@mstimc

Thankyou for  your suggestions. I do CBT but struggle with the mindfulness but I really need to push myself on that front.

17 hours ago, mstimc said:

Hello Helen

Realizing how busy you are, and as stressful as taking care of elderly parents is. (I've ben there myself), have you explored any coping strategies like CBT or mindfulness?  I found it very difficult to practice them when I was in a wave, but I stuck with it and found myself better able to cope with the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety, especially the feeing of tension going up your neck and jaw clenching.  It also helps you keep things in perspective and it easier to make decisions.   I used what I call a "toolbox" of different coping practices t help me deal with different situations.  Coping doesn't make the feelings go away but it does help you manage the them.

 

[HelenR]

@Tom2020

I shall have a look at the jaw exercises and massages, thankyou for the link.

So you were in Bristol before you moved to Canada. I've never ventured as far as Bristol as I live in the Isle of Wight which is very picturesque in places.

I imagine Canada has some fantastic places to visit in the springtime and beautiful trees that are colourful this time of year. I hope you are managing to see some of them.

I managed a small walk today but I'm in a lot of pain from erosive gastritis so can't manage much walking nowadays. It was nice to feel the sun on my face for a short while.

Here's hoping for many windows before the Summer arrives!!

[Tom2020]

I found CBT was great the second time round, but not the first. I guess I wasn't in the right place mentally or didn't go far enough with it. A lot of people like CBT apps these days. Have you tried that?

 

That gastritis sounds awful! I'm glad you managed a walk in the sun even if it was a short one.

 

I was in Birmingham long ago then Bristol. I quite like Bristol and it can make for a nice day out. I spent a night in Cowes once during a week-long sailing course but we didn't have time to see much as we were busy sailing all day and turned in right after dinner. Sadly I never got back to the Isle of Wight. There's a lot of beautiful nature in Canada and Victoria, where I am, has very mild winters and a lot of gardens and parks full of blooms. I can see some cherry and apple trees from my place and their blooms are lovely in the spring. I also get a little tour by car every now and then to see the sights.

 

> Here's hoping for many windows before the Summer arrives!!

Yes indeed! Fingers crossed!

[DillyDally]

How are you @HelenR?

how are your jaw and headache symptoms doing?

 

[HelenR]

23 hours ago, DillyDally said:

How are you @HelenR?

how are your jaw and headache symptoms doing?

 

@DillyDally

Hi, I'm going through a reasonable window at the moment. I'm slowly getting less jaw clenching and haven't had the weird neck and head pressure in a few weeks.  The horrible depressive episodes have subsided for a while and I catch myself laughing again which has been amazing.  I started a job 2 weeks ago which is actually very physical. I'm extremely tired but I just get very early nights so my body can relax. Sleep is still a problem still and it comes in 2 hourly sections. Sleep for 2hrs then awake for a while but I'm used to lack of sleep. All in all I'm enjoying these few weeks of normality and trying not to worry when the next wave comes along. I know it strikes at any time. I'm also having counselling for anxiety. I know it's not going to stop the waves as that's the chemical damage but I'm finding I think a bit more positively and slightly calmer.  I shall take what comes and make the most of it for however long it lasts.

Thankyou for asking. I do hope you've had some better days yourself.

[mstimc]

FWIW, I found work to be therapeutic when I was in WD.  It forced me to focus my mind on something other than my anxious thinking.  I think, in the my subconscious, I began to realize that if the intrusive thoughts faded  when I was at work, they couldn't really be all that powerful. 

[HelenR]

12 minutes ago, mstimc said:

FWIW, I found work to be therapeutic when I was in WD.  It forced me to focus my mind on something other than my anxious thinking.  I think, in the my subconscious, I began to realize that if the intrusive thoughts faded  when I was at work, they couldn't really be all that powerful. 

@mstimc you're right, work is such a distraction from other things. I find once I'm at work I don't dwell on my aches and pains etc because I don't have the time. I'm so relieved to be back to work as I never thought I'd get back again.

[DillyDally]

21 hours ago, HelenR said:

Hi, I'm going through a reasonable window at the moment. I'm slowly getting less jaw clenching and haven't had the weird neck and head pressure in a few weeks.  The horrible depressive episodes have subsided for a while and I catch myself laughing again which has been amazing.  I started a job 2 weeks ago which is actually very physical. I'm extremely tired but I just get very early nights so my body can relax. Sleep is still a problem still and it comes in 2 hourly sections. Sleep for 2hrs then awake for a while but I'm used to lack of sleep. All in all I'm enjoying these few weeks of normality and trying not to worry when the next wave comes along. I know it strikes at any time. I'm also having counselling for anxiety. I know it's not going to stop the waves as that's the chemical damage but I'm finding I think a bit more positively and slightly calmer.  I shall take what comes and make the most of it for however long it lasts.

Thankyou for asking. I do hope you've had some better days yourself.

this sounds promising and hopeful @HelenR I am pleased for you and hope the early nights of rest help with the work you are doing.
I admire your outlook and attitude, wishing you continued stability in your window and healing overall. 

thank you for your well wishes too.

[WeLiveInHope]

Helen, this sounds like an absolute mess. It seems to me that your psychotropic journey started without your symptoms being considered as part of thyroid disease. It seems you are now experiencing a mixture of withdrawal as well as symptoms from being under medicated for your thyroid. Unfortunately, this happens to women all too often. 

[HelenR]

Hi everyone.

I hope I posted in the correct way as I used to struggle with the site and posting correctly so apologies.

I joined here last year due to being at the end of my tether with withdrawals etc and gained a huge amount of info from you all and after months and months I gradually stabilised on 5mg citalopram after reinstating. A few odd days but very manageable.

I had a few blissful months and even managed to return to p/t work. Fast forward to December 2023, I had a chest infection and tested positive for COVID. I had a dreadful time with sickness and diarrhea for 2 whole weeks and took Doxycycline as I have asthma and was struggling to clear the chest infection from COVID. I also have gastritis which flared up with COVID very badly. I was also given anti sickness tablets, promethazine, which I took for 3 days only but didn't like the side effects.

After about 2 weeks and the end of a week of antibiotics my anxiety hit me like a freight train. All my original withdrawal symptoms came back just like last year and up to today are still very bad.

During all this time I am still on 5mg of citalopram plus my thyroxine and asthma inhaler.

I'm back on cod liver oil and a small amount of mag glycinate. 

I was so shocked at why everything has come back again after a good few months of normality.

Would it have been COVID, Doxycycline or anti sickness medication messing my nerves up again. 

I am bed bound again which I never thought would happen to me again.

I was hoping to start reducing my citalopram as I stabilised for 6 months before thinking about reductions but will have to wait.

Anyone have similar things happen?

So scared as I've yet again lost my job and haven't seen my elderly parents for weeks now due to inability to function.

[LotusRising]

Hi @HelenR,

 

You already had an introduction thread, so I moved your new one back here. You can continue to post any questions or concerns related to your personal situation right here in this thread. This will keep all your information together.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you ❤️ It's not uncommon for a wave/increase in symptoms to hit during, or following an illness/medication. Having a virus stresses our bodies and any kind of stress can mess things up for a bit. This shouldn't wipe out progress or set you back too much. It's just another wave to get through and unfortunately an uncomfortable part of moving forward.

 

It's probably a good idea to continue holding for now until this wave passes.

 

You could probably search the site for others who've had similar experiences.

 

 

[HelenR]

54 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

Hi @HelenR,

 

You already had an introduction thread, so I moved your new one back here. You can continue to post any questions or concerns related to your personal situation right here in this thread. This will keep all your information together.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you ❤️ It's not uncommon for a wave/increase in symptoms to hit during, or following an illness/medication. Having a virus stresses our bodies and any kind of stress can mess things up for a bit. This shouldn't wipe out progress or set you back too much. It's just another wave to get through and unfortunately an uncomfortable part of moving forward.

 

It's probably a good idea to continue holding for now until this wave passes.

 

You could probably search the site for others who've had similar experiences.

 

 

Hello @LotusRising

Thankyou for replying. It does put my mind at rest thinking it's just a horrid wave and I can ride through it.

No more antibiotics etc for me for as long as I can.

Best wishes to you.

[Erimus]

I don't know if this has been mentioned, but are you aware of the interaction between Omeprazole and Citalopram? I see that you no longer take Omeprazole, but the likely reason it made you feel so terrible is because it causes increases in blood plasma concentrations of Citalopram. Your GP shouldn't have put you on it in the first place.

 

 

 

Edited January 25 by Erimus

[HelenR]

@Erimus yes last year I was put on a drip in hospital for severe gastritis and was pumped with Omeprazole and pain relief. That turned my world upside down. I was also given two lots of antibiotics for H-Pylori which they thought I had but didn't. Along with my normal thyroxine and citalopram the drug concoction messed me up hugely. 

I didn't think it would affect me so much but it did cause huge adrenalin rushes, high cortisol and my thyroid went wildly overactive. No one would listen to me when I said I can't mix all these drugs together. I ended up seeing a mental health nurse who upped my citalopram to 20 then 30 then switched me to sertraline them mirtazipine, all in the space of 3 months with no tapering off . Well that's how I ended up like this. Along with plying me with diazepam and sleeping drugs they had poly drugged me.  I knew this was not right so I stopped every single drug cold turkey. After 1 week of no drugs except thyroxine I found this site. I read for days and then realised it was being poly drugged that had made me so ill. I reinstated my original citalopram but at 5mg. Probably too high a dose but I battled for 9 months with every WD symptoms imaginable and wanted to die but I persevered and did recover and got back my life and a little job.

Then came COVID!!! And taking antibiotics along with anti sickness I am back in this hell.

I am so grateful I managed to recover last year, not 100% but enough to function and live.  Now I battle all over again and will Not take antibiotics etc unless it's life or death.

Sorry for the out pour of emotions but I'm so angry. If I had never had gastritis then I would have not gone through all of this.

[DillyDally]

Im sorry you’re experiencing this set back/wave @HelenR I feel for your anger and am angry on your behalf. So much could be avoided if health practitioners had the education and understanding to help us help ourselves and limit pharmaceutical interventions wherever possible.

 

sending you much hope for your continued healing, you know a better place to be and feel is possible, I hope that can offer you a light at the end of this tunnel. You can do this x

[modelarz71]

18 minutes ago, HelenR said:

@Erimus tak, w zeszłym roku założono mi kroplówkę w szpitalu z powodu ciężkiego zapalenia błony śluzowej żołądka i wstrzyknięto mi omeprazol, który uśmierzał ból. To wywróciło mój świat do góry nogami. Dostałem także dwie partie antybiotyków na H-Pylori, o których myśleli, że wziąłem, ale tak nie było. Wraz z moją normalną tyroksyną i citalopramem, mikstura leku ogromnie mnie zepsuła. 

Nie sądziłam, że to tak na mnie wpłynie, ale spowodowało ogromny przypływ adrenaliny, wysoki poziom kortyzolu i szalenie nadczynność tarczycy. Nikt mnie nie słuchał, gdy mówiłem, że nie mogę mieszać tych wszystkich leków razem. Skończyło się na wizycie u pielęgniarki zajmującej się zdrowiem psychicznym, która podniosła mi dawkę citalopramu do 20, a następnie 30, a następnie przestawiła mnie na sertralinę i mirtazipinę, wszystko w ciągu 3 miesięcy bez zmniejszania dawki. No cóż, tak właśnie skończyłem. Oprócz podawania mi diazepamu i leków nasennych, odurzyli mnie polinarkotykiem. Wiedziałem, że to nie w porządku, więc zaprzestałem brania każdego narkotyku. Po tygodniu bez leków z wyjątkiem tyroksyny znalazłem tę stronę. Czytałem przez kilka dni, a potem zdałem sobie sprawę, że to przez wielolekowość, która spowodowała u mnie taką chorobę. Przywróciłem mój oryginalny citalopram, ale w dawce 5 mg. Prawdopodobnie za wysoka dawka, ale przez 9 miesięcy walczyłem ze wszystkimi możliwymi objawami ChW i chciałem umrzeć, ale wytrwałem, wyzdrowiałem, odzyskałem życie i trochę pracy.

Potem przyszedł COVID!!! Biorąc antybiotyki i leki przeciw chorobowe, wróciłem do tego piekła.

Jestem bardzo wdzięczna, że w zeszłym roku udało mi się wyzdrowieć, nie w 100%, ale na tyle, żeby funkcjonować i żyć. Teraz walczę od nowa i nie będę brać antybiotyków itp., chyba że będzie to sprawa życia lub śmierci.

Przepraszam za ten wybuch emocji, ale jestem wściekły. Gdybym nigdy nie miał zapalenia żołądka, nie przeszedłbym przez to wszystko.

Hello. Was the inflammation of the stomach  previously caused by citalopram? I'm curious because for me, discontinuing escitalopram has caused constant stomach pains and I'm wondering if restoring it in a higher dose can help for that.

[HelenR]

@modelarz71

Hi, I don't know if it was citalopram that started my gastritis. I started citalopram many years back and the first few years my stomach was fine so gastritis developed over the years but it was put down to stress and anxiety. It gradually got worse and worse and is now permanent. Eventually I will cease Citalopram but not for a long time yet as I'm not stable enough. Maybe my gastritis will heal if and when I stop citalopram.

[HelenR]

15 minutes ago, DillyDally said:

Im sorry you’re experiencing this set back/wave @HelenR I feel for your anger and am angry on your behalf. So much could be avoided if health practitioners had the education and understanding to help us help ourselves and limit pharmaceutical interventions wherever possible.

 

sending you much hope for your continued healing, you know a better place to be and feel is possible, I hope that can offer you a light at the end of this tunnel. You can do this x

@DillyDally thankyou for encouraging me. How are you doing? Have you managed any Windows yet or are you still in a battle?

[modelarz71]

1 hour ago, HelenR said:

@modelarz71

Cześć, nie wiem, czy to citalopram spowodował moje zapalenie żołądka. Zacząłem stosować citalopram wiele lat temu i przez pierwsze kilka lat mój żołądek był w porządku, więc z biegiem lat rozwinęło się zapalenie błony śluzowej żołądka, ale było to spowodowane stresem i niepokojem. Stopniowo było coraz gorzej i obecnie jest trwałe. W końcu odstawię Citalopram, ale jeszcze nie na długo, ponieważ nie jestem wystarczająco stabilny. Może moje zapalenie błony śluzowej żołądka zagoi się, jeśli i kiedy odstawię citalopram.

Thank you for your reply, which explained a lot to me. The gastroenterologist touched my stomach and said I had IBS from nerves. He didn't investigate anything else. Apparently, SSRs also cause autoimmune diseases and one of them is chronic gastritis, which I have the symptoms of. I think it might be a comfort to You that citalopram my be the thing that messed up your stomach when you took it, not when you stopped, so it's not your fault.

[HelenR]

5 minutes ago, modelarz71 said:

Thank you for your reply, which explained a lot to me. The gastroenterologist touched my stomach and said I had IBS from nerves. He didn't investigate anything else. Apparently, SSRs also cause autoimmune diseases and one of them is chronic gastritis, which I have the symptoms of. I think it might be a comfort to You that citalopram my be the thing that messed up your stomach when you took it, not when you stopped, so it's not your fault.

@modelarz71 maybe you need to push for an endoscopy. I pushed for over a year to get one as doctors kept saying it was IBS but I just knew it was more than that. My stomach lining has worn away in patches that's why it's so painful. If they had given me an endoscopy sooner I could have saved my stomach lining!! My advise is to get them to give you the correct testing. It's so unfair.

My future aim is to reduce my Citalopram and get rid of this poisonous pill. In the meantime I have to have very bland and boring food and have gone gluten free. No alcohol, chocolate, spices, sauces etc. Those things I can just about cope with giving up but I just can't stop my smoking which is probably the worst thing for my stomach. If I didn't have withdrawals I would try to give them up but I can't risk nicotine withdrawals as well.

[modelarz71]

33 minutes ago, HelenR said:

@modelarz71 maybe you need to push for an endoscopy. I pushed for over a year to get one as doctors kept saying it was IBS but I just knew it was more than that. My stomach lining has worn away in patches that's why it's so painful. If they had given me an endoscopy sooner I could have saved my stomach lining!! My advise is to get them to give you the correct testing. It's so unfair.

My future aim is to reduce my Citalopram and get rid of this poisonous pill. In the meantime I have to have very bland and boring food and have gone gluten free. No alcohol, chocolate, spices, sauces etc. Those things I can just about cope with giving up but I just can't stop my smoking which is probably the worst thing for my stomach. If I didn't have withdrawals I would try to give them up but I can't risk nicotine withdrawals as well.

I'm sorry to write like this all the time, but that's all I've been thinking about for months, and your information explains a lot. How Would An Earlier Diagnosis Help In Saving Your Stomach? IPP? Any herbs? I used to use lemon balm without any problems, and now tried and  had a lot of pain and diarrhea, so it's something with my stomach, not just my intestines. I don't smoke, but it's strange that smoking affects the stomach I didnt know

[HelenR]

3 minutes ago, modelarz71 said:

I'm sorry to write like this all the time, but that's all I've been thinking about for months, and your information explains a lot. How Would An Earlier Diagnosis Help In Saving Your Stomach? IPP? Any herbs? I used to use lemon balm without any problems, and now tried and  had a lot of pain and diarrhea, so it's something with my stomach, not just my intestines. I don't smoke, but it's strange that smoking affects the stomach I didnt know

@modelarz71, smoking produces so much acid which erodes the stomach lining.  If I had been diagnosed earlier I would have gone gluten free, eaten a low acid diet, stopped junk food, not drank alcohol and learnt how to deal with stress before going onto a ssri. I can't have many food colourings or flavourings other than natural ones. I take two teaspoons of Flax seed oil per day. I eat low fat natural yoghurt daily. It was trial and error to start with as to what hurts my stomach. The hardest thing is to not cheat. I had a small square of chocolate last week but it hurts so much afterwards. Sugar is bad for the stomach if eaten in quantity. I also drink the odd cup of decaffeinated tea. A lot of this is also helping me to try and reduce my withdrawal symptoms too as sugar, chocolate, additives etc can activate my nervous system too much. There is a gut- brain connection so the less you can irritate the stomach the less anxiety it causes. Hope that helps.

[DillyDally]

5 hours ago, HelenR said:

5 hours ago, DillyDally said:

@DillyDally thankyou for encouraging me. How are you doing? Have you managed any Windows yet or are you still in a battle?

A hand ful of days over the last couple months if I’m being generous but I no longer smoke weed as of 1st Dec so that has set off a wave for sure.. in the long run I hope it will be for the best. Keeping spirits up is tough but encouraging you also helps remind me to stay hopeful so thank you for sharing and asking. 

[HelenR]

10 hours ago, DillyDally said:

A hand ful of days over the last couple months if I’m being generous but I no longer smoke weed as of 1st Dec so that has set off a wave for sure.. in the long run I hope it will be for the best. Keeping spirits up is tough but encouraging you also helps remind me to stay hopeful so thank you for sharing and asking. 

@DillyDally that's awful if you've only got the odd day in months. Well done on stopping weed as that must have been a struggle. I just can't stop smoking (not weed) it's so addictive and I've been doing it 40 years so I'm sure it would be too much of a shock to my system if I tried now.

Here's hoping you get more windows and get some hope that things are improving.

13 hours ago, modelarz71 said:

I'm sorry to write like this all the time, but that's all I've been thinking about for months, and your information explains a lot. How Would An Earlier Diagnosis Help In Saving Your Stomach? IPP? Any herbs? I used to use lemon balm without any problems, and now tried and  had a lot of pain and diarrhea, so it's something with my stomach, not just my intestines. I don't smoke, but it's strange that smoking affects the stomach I didnt know

@modelarz71, smoking produces so much acid which erodes the stomach lining.  If I had been diagnosed earlier I would have gone gluten free, eaten a low acid diet, stopped junk food, not drank alcohol and learnt how to deal with stress before going onto a ssri. I can't have many food colourings or flavourings other than natural ones. I take two teaspoons of Flax seed oil per day. I eat low fat natural yoghurt daily. It was trial and error to start with as to what hurts my stomach. The hardest thing is to not cheat. I had a small square of chocolate last week but it hurts so much afterwards. Sugar is bad for the stomach if eaten in quantity. I also drink the odd cup of decaffeinated tea. A lot of this is also helping me to try and reduce my withdrawal symptoms too as sugar, chocolate, additives etc can activate my nervous system too much. There is a gut- brain connection so the less you can irritate the stomach the less anxiety it causes. Hope that helps.

[littlebird]

20 hours ago, DillyDally said:

I no longer smoke weed as of 1st Dec so that has set off a wave for sure.. in the long run I hope it will be for the best. Keeping spirits up is tough but encouraging you also helps remind me to stay hopeful so thank you for sharing and asking. 

This is major, good work!! This will absolutely set off a wave (been there) and bring a lot of irritability, but it passes. You're strong and you've got this! 

[Erimus]

I wouldn't continue to smoke with the idea that quitting might make withdrawal worse. Smoking is bad and the sooner you stop the better. Perhaps consider switching over to vaping, and then tapering by slowly reducing the nicotine content in your vape. Might even help with some of your symptoms.

[HelenR]

@Erimus it's the worst habit ever. I've smoked for over 40 years and I have COPD. That surely says how bloody stupid I've been. I agree whole heartedly that I need to give up. I've had many stressors in my life, husband died suddenly and unexpectedly when he was only 42yrs old and now I have a mother with dementia so smoking has been my crutch for a long time. I have zero will power when it comes to me but I'd give my right arm to help others. 

Maybe I enjoy it, but it's a massive addiction. Thank god I don't drink alcohol or have ever done drugs as I obviously have an addictive gene somewhere.

On the plus side I managed to reduce my habit from 30 a day down to approx 10 a day but that's probably only because I haven't the energy to get downstairs to the garden to smoke.

It certainly isn't helping my situation that's for sure.

Small steps is required . I find when I was fitter and working it was a distraction so I didn't have the urge to light one up every half hour but whilst I'm wallowing in self pity it's the first thing I reach for!!!!

Oh dear what a mess. I must get myself in the right mind set very soon.

How are you doing? Any small improvements or is it too early since you reinstated your last dose??

[Erimus]

The best time to make a change is now. My elderly neighbour was a chainsmoker. Even after lung cancer and COPD she wouldn't stop. Last March she fell in the garden and broker her hip, never came back home and is now in care. She's basically permanently on oxygen. It's enough to deter me for five lifetimes. Do something now before it gets even worse.

 

I think my symptoms were just an unfortunately timed withdrawal wave. It turned out the capsules I'd made weighed the same, if not more, than the original tablets.

[HelenR]

1 minute ago, Erimus said:

The best time to make a change is now. My elderly neighbour was a chainsmoker. Even after lung cancer and COPD she wouldn't stop. Last March she fell in the garden and broker her hip, never came back home and is now in care. She's basically permanently on oxygen. It's enough to deter me for five lifetimes. Do something now before it gets even worse.

 

I think my symptoms were just an unfortunately timed withdrawal wave. It turned out the capsules I'd made weighed the same, if not more, than the original tablets.

@Erimus thankyou for the warning, I'd hope I would see sense if I had lung cancer. Yes it's surely time to reconsider my actions.

Hope you stabilise soon and can continue your journey to taper. This is one hell of a ride what we are all going through.