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Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia


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i have been off meds for two months but don't see any improvements to my lack of motivation..I wish I could be more patient but the thought and prospect that this condition may last for years scares me because by then I will have lost my employment and everything I have worked over 40 yrs to achieve.. how did you cope with this daily lack of motivation? Any suggestions would b greatly appreciated.

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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Snorky, that is why BAT often works, it makes you start with simple acts that don't seem to matter so much - like walk to the corner store, and then that sets up a positive spiral of doing more things

Great question NP...   I can strongly relate to everything You wrote Punar great post.. I'm so sorry to hear that You have to experience this horrible and inhumane condition too i send all hope to Y

Hi Druid.......   I've been wanting to share a few thoughts in regard to your post but I can only deal with certain subject matter, on certain days and at certain times (lol).   I can strongly

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"I will have lost my employment and everything I have worked over 40 yrs to achieve"

 

Because I didn't want this to happen, I did what ever was necessary, no matter how I felt. It didn't matter if I "felt" motivation, I frequently didn't, but there were  things that had to be done in order to maintain and not loose everything.  It became a great distraction to keep me from thinking about the symptoms and sensations I was experiencing.  I didn't let it become a desperation, just kept it as what had to be done to survive.  There were times it was very hard to push myself to function, but a person can find ways to accomplish almost any task.  They also find that there are reserves deep inside themselves that they never imagined existed. There's a phrase that I hate, because it's so frequently over used in trivial situations, that really applies here "Just Do It".  Make the commitment that WD will not be the sole purpose of your life and do what ever needs to be done to live around it.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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3 hours ago, Offforgood said:

I think my anhedonia which I have had for the last few years while on meds.. Zoloft 200 mg, olanzipine 5mg and effexor X-rays 450 mg and continue unchanged since I stopped taking all meds in July... I guess I was taken off Zoloft and olanzipine too fast Zoloft in a month taper and olanzipine in a few days.. on psychiatric advice..did I thought slow taper of effexor X-rays over 6 months 50% decrease each month..now am experiencing withdrawals two months later but predominant lack of motivation still persists.  

I think this anhedonia is a result of taking antidepressants for 28 years.. I believe the meds created this symptom when I read this article....

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989833/

 

 

I've never encountered anyone else on that high of a dose of Effexor.  I was on that dose for about 12 years.  And on ADs for about 28 years too.  

I wish I figured out what it was doing to me sooner.  I read a similar study that led me to my decision to stop.  

 

1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

"I will have lost my employment and everything I have worked over 40 yrs to achieve"

 

Because I didn't want this to happen, I did what ever was necessary, no matter how I felt. It didn't matter if I "felt" motivation, I frequently didn't, but there were  things that had to be done in order to maintain and not loose everything.  It became a great distraction to keep me from thinking about the symptoms and sensations I was experiencing.  I didn't let it become a desperation, just kept it as what had to be done to survive.  There were times it was very hard to push myself to function, but a person can find ways to accomplish almost any task.  They also find that there are reserves deep inside themselves that they never imagined existed. There's a phrase that I hate, because it's so frequently over used in trivial situations, that really applies here "Just Do It".  Make the commitment that WD will not be the sole purpose of your life and do what ever needs to be done to live around it.

I hear this, and I get it.  Trouble for me is I pretty much let everything go before I got off the meds.  Now trying to get back out there, to have a social life and a find a new career (because I can't, or won't ever go back to what I used to do) it all feels like too much.

 

But yes, I have to start thinking of myself as capable of being more than just a person suffering in WD.  

 

 

Between 1988 and 2003 was on many different meds including Tricyclics, MAOIs, SSRIs, SSNRIs, and mood stabilizers, some helped but not for long.

2003 went off MAOIs and started taking Effexor XR at 450 mg.  

2012 added buspar to augment the Effexor (cannot recall exact dose) stayed on a few months with little effect.

2013 added Ritalin to augment the Effexor, no noticeable benefits so dropped that too.

2014 lowered dose of Effexor to 300mg and started adding Viibrid with negative effects so dropped Viibrid and went back to 450 of Effexor XR.

2015 added 2 mg Abilify to augment the Effexor, slight benefit at first but no lasting effects.

March 2016 tapered off Abilify in about 2 weeks.

April 2016 began to taper off Effexor XR, from 450 to 0 in about 8 weeks total. Somewhere around 37.5 had a serotonin syndrome episode and had to raise dose again for about a week until I started dropping again.  Now i know the entire taper was way too fast.  

May 2016 started taking Lexapro, increased from 5 mg to 10 mg within 10 days.

Tapered off Lexapro starting in September of 2016, dropping at various rates...quicker drops at first, then slowing down to .5 mg drops every 3 weeks or so.  Took last dose on 2/8/17.

 

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1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

"I will have lost my employment and everything I have worked over 40 yrs to achieve"

 

Because I didn't want this to happen, I did what ever was necessary, no matter how I felt. It didn't matter if I "felt" motivation, I frequently didn't, but there were  things that had to be done in order to maintain and not loose everything.  It became a great distraction to keep me from thinking about the symptoms and sensations I was experiencing.  I didn't let it become a desperation, just kept it as what had to be done to survive.  There were times it was very hard to push myself to function, but a person can find ways to accomplish almost any task.  They also find that there are reserves deep inside themselves that they never imagined existed. There's a phrase that I hate, because it's so frequently over used in trivial situations, that really applies here "Just Do It".  Make the commitment that WD will not be the sole purpose of your life and do what ever needs to be done to live around it.

 

I could have highlighted your entire post, BM.

 

My anhedonia came early while on drugs and my brain seems to have found that obsessing about food was a way to cope. Like many, I never linked drugs with this horrible way I was feeling. Or not feeling. Now off drugs, I am no longer "obsessed" and anhedonia feels like intense boredom. The best way to survive it is to keep busy, keep active... I volunteer, I workout... I get things done. After a long time unable to work, I really think that a job would be the best thing for me. 

Our bodies and brains are healing, we are recovering from "drug-induced madness". Trust that it is all happening as we speak or type. 

Would I wish this state upon my worst enemy? I don't think so. But right now we have no choice but to survive this, so we just as well have to try to make the best of it...

 

Best wishes to All,

Julz

2004: Anorexia & Depression -> polydrugged as a result  :wacko:

- Venlafaxine(MR): 75mg

- Escitalopram: 60mg ...
- Diazepam: 10mg bedtime prescribed, no c/o
- Clonazepam: 4mg
2010: New Life in the UK - psychologically much better
GP wants to lower Escitalopram (side effects on heart) -> 2011 to 2014: come down from 60 to 15mg in 5mg steps (I had no idea) - January 2014: after dropping from 20mg to 15mg Esc. plagued with debilitating exhaustion... December 2014: I decide to taper off Benzos... and everything else.
29 May 2017: Drug Free after 13 years!! 
Varied balanced diet, no processed/refined foods. Plenty water. Yoga & Mindfulness.
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2 minutes ago, emmabee said:

I hear this, and I get it.  Trouble for me is I pretty much let everything go before I got off the meds.  Now trying to get back out there, to have a social life and a find a new career (because I can't, or won't ever go back to what I used to do) it all feels like too much.

 

But yes, I have to start thinking of myself as capable of being more than just a person suffering in WD.  

 

 

 

..I hear you Emmabee. I first found strength in thinking of myself as someone coming off drugs and I guess that helped... until it didn't. I too am trying to get back out there, it is not easy but I know it is worth it.

I guess it is better to build up slowly, give yourself time as those are early days still... and give yourself credit for everything that you have done and are doing!!

2004: Anorexia & Depression -> polydrugged as a result  :wacko:

- Venlafaxine(MR): 75mg

- Escitalopram: 60mg ...
- Diazepam: 10mg bedtime prescribed, no c/o
- Clonazepam: 4mg
2010: New Life in the UK - psychologically much better
GP wants to lower Escitalopram (side effects on heart) -> 2011 to 2014: come down from 60 to 15mg in 5mg steps (I had no idea) - January 2014: after dropping from 20mg to 15mg Esc. plagued with debilitating exhaustion... December 2014: I decide to taper off Benzos... and everything else.
29 May 2017: Drug Free after 13 years!! 
Varied balanced diet, no processed/refined foods. Plenty water. Yoga & Mindfulness.
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2 minutes ago, Julz82 said:

 

..I hear you Emmabee. I first found strength in thinking of myself as someone coming off drugs and I guess that helped... until it didn't. I too am trying to get back out there, it is not easy but I know it is worth it.

I guess it is better to build up slowly, give yourself time as those are early days still... and give yourself credit for everything that you have done and are doing!!

Thanks Julz.  

The waiting is the hard part.  I keep feeling like I should be better and more capable, and just need to accept that this is a LOOOONG process.

 

Between 1988 and 2003 was on many different meds including Tricyclics, MAOIs, SSRIs, SSNRIs, and mood stabilizers, some helped but not for long.

2003 went off MAOIs and started taking Effexor XR at 450 mg.  

2012 added buspar to augment the Effexor (cannot recall exact dose) stayed on a few months with little effect.

2013 added Ritalin to augment the Effexor, no noticeable benefits so dropped that too.

2014 lowered dose of Effexor to 300mg and started adding Viibrid with negative effects so dropped Viibrid and went back to 450 of Effexor XR.

2015 added 2 mg Abilify to augment the Effexor, slight benefit at first but no lasting effects.

March 2016 tapered off Abilify in about 2 weeks.

April 2016 began to taper off Effexor XR, from 450 to 0 in about 8 weeks total. Somewhere around 37.5 had a serotonin syndrome episode and had to raise dose again for about a week until I started dropping again.  Now i know the entire taper was way too fast.  

May 2016 started taking Lexapro, increased from 5 mg to 10 mg within 10 days.

Tapered off Lexapro starting in September of 2016, dropping at various rates...quicker drops at first, then slowing down to .5 mg drops every 3 weeks or so.  Took last dose on 2/8/17.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey guys...nine months drug free. Largely anhedonjc. I have had A few small windows and one major month long window...is this a good sign in the grand scheme?

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Newbeginning
On 10/2/2017 at 1:13 PM, nicolantana said:

Hey guys...nine months drug free. Largely anhedonjc. I have had A few small windows and one major month long window...is this a good sign in the grand scheme?

 

I think so. Sounds like you're getting windows that are longer and/or more frequent with time. It's very slow though. I had a 6 week window 1 year. Then a 3 month one the next year. It is that slow.

 

You also have to push yourself to live as normally as you can, no matter how you feel (or not feel). That helps rewire the brain faster.  Also, minimizing stress and not obsessing with the anhedonia or resisting it seems to help improve recovery. 

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads
  • 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues

  • September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm dreaming alot the past few weeks. are more dreams indicative of recovery?

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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6 hours ago, nicolantana said:

I'm dreaming alot the past few weeks. are more dreams indicative of recovery?

I don't know the answer to that question, but I can say that when did my quick taper from Effexor and then started Lexapro, I had crazy vivid dreams for months.  Then when I started to taper the Lexapro, I couldn't remember any dreams at all.  It's been about a year since then, and only recently, say in the past two weeks, have I started to have any awareness of dreams.  They aren't vivid like they used to be, but they are coming back a little bit.

 

Maybe it means something?  

 

 

Between 1988 and 2003 was on many different meds including Tricyclics, MAOIs, SSRIs, SSNRIs, and mood stabilizers, some helped but not for long.

2003 went off MAOIs and started taking Effexor XR at 450 mg.  

2012 added buspar to augment the Effexor (cannot recall exact dose) stayed on a few months with little effect.

2013 added Ritalin to augment the Effexor, no noticeable benefits so dropped that too.

2014 lowered dose of Effexor to 300mg and started adding Viibrid with negative effects so dropped Viibrid and went back to 450 of Effexor XR.

2015 added 2 mg Abilify to augment the Effexor, slight benefit at first but no lasting effects.

March 2016 tapered off Abilify in about 2 weeks.

April 2016 began to taper off Effexor XR, from 450 to 0 in about 8 weeks total. Somewhere around 37.5 had a serotonin syndrome episode and had to raise dose again for about a week until I started dropping again.  Now i know the entire taper was way too fast.  

May 2016 started taking Lexapro, increased from 5 mg to 10 mg within 10 days.

Tapered off Lexapro starting in September of 2016, dropping at various rates...quicker drops at first, then slowing down to .5 mg drops every 3 weeks or so.  Took last dose on 2/8/17.

 

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interesting. yes I've heard and read a few times that it is significant, especially in relation to anhedonia. Anhedonia is caused by lack of dopamine, dreams are fueled by dopamine apparently so more dreams is a good sign. Again, this is what I've heard, but I'd like to hear it from more people before attributing any significance to it....

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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That is interesting! 

I started dreaming again while tapering, I have yet to experience a window or begin regaining the emotions I lost to prescribed drugs, nearing now 5 months off...

I think my dreams are somewhat "normalising" - definitely a sign of healing for me...! 

2004: Anorexia & Depression -> polydrugged as a result  :wacko:

- Venlafaxine(MR): 75mg

- Escitalopram: 60mg ...
- Diazepam: 10mg bedtime prescribed, no c/o
- Clonazepam: 4mg
2010: New Life in the UK - psychologically much better
GP wants to lower Escitalopram (side effects on heart) -> 2011 to 2014: come down from 60 to 15mg in 5mg steps (I had no idea) - January 2014: after dropping from 20mg to 15mg Esc. plagued with debilitating exhaustion... December 2014: I decide to taper off Benzos... and everything else.
29 May 2017: Drug Free after 13 years!! 
Varied balanced diet, no processed/refined foods. Plenty water. Yoga & Mindfulness.
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  • 2 weeks later...

How do we live with this severe apathy , the feeling of emptiness so strong that it feels like you are a walking shell , I try and do anything I can to motivate myself but I feel so dead inside no enjoyment no laughter no smile , I tell my family that I love them and in my heart I know I do , but I don’t feel love , nothing just deadness , how can anyone live like this I feel I have no soul , i am 9 months of all meds now but I have never felt like this , how do you survive, is it down to low dopamine , has anyone found anything to relieve this awfull feeling , it is probably worse than the depression and that’s saying something , 

100mg Effexor 2000 untill jan 2015 severe withdrawals . Tapered 4weeks.

Jan to end of Feb 4 weeks on 15mg mirtazapine 20mg quetiapine , tapered of both 2 weeks , severe withdrawals , still some from Effexor possibly

End of Feb 2015 to end of July 30mg citolapram tapered 2weeks severe withdrawal , anxiety high , bouts of sever depression , severe emotional moods

Currently on 30mg mirtazapine appx 5 months , high anxiety, March cut dose 22.5 mg going on to liquid still no improvements with the depression , also started sept 2015 200mg pregabalin , currently on 22.5mg mirtazapine tablet form doing really badly. Cut beginning of May remeron 20mg still bad anxiety,August 15mg remeron ,100mg pregablin , severe depression headaches anxiety , oct 2016 doctor stoped pregablin c/t , 15mg mirtazapine still no let up in physical symptoms ,high anxiety ,Nov 2016 remeron 13.5 mg , Jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped flouxetine20mg added by hospital admission, no choice , doing really badly , akathesia suicidel ,, Flouxetine c/t by hospital after 7 weeks 20mg daily , currently on nothing , God help me

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Hi Terry,

 

I have it strongly with motivation and less strongly with emotional anesthesia. What helps the most is time, not stressing about it and behaving in ways that help very very slowly rewire the pleasure/motivation centers in the brain. Basically doing things in spite of no emotion/motivation. Gratefulness journaling has helped me too, as it trains my brain to focus on small achievements/improvements/anything that produces even the tiniest sense of achievement/joy/emotion. 

 

Make sure to check the huge topic on anhedonia in this forum too. Very detailed information on all this.

 

This does pass. I promise.

 

Hugs. Be gentle with yourself. We're struggling!

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads
  • 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues

  • September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

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Apathy is something I struggle with in a major way whenever my nervous system is destabilized.  I don't care about anything.  It isn't so much my feelings about people as doing things.  I have absolutely no motivation or will, it is as if a part of my brain just completely shuts down.  I literally can't think of anything I would like to do which is so not like me.  I could spend all day on the couch if I didn't force myself to do things.  Sometimes I will get restless from not doing anything but then I don't know what to do. It is such an awful feeling, like you aren't alive.  I have a lot of different interests and curiosity normally but all of that just goes away, like a huge part of my soul is gone. :( 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wantrelief,

You describe my state of mind perfectly. I'm over medicated and sedated as well as being on two serotonin boosting drugs that both cause sedation.

Dosulepin 75mg 1996 - 1997 tapered off no problem - Prozac sporadic use between 1995 and 2011 usually 9 months then off.

Mirtazapine 2015 tapered off after 4 months no problem -Prozac 20mg 2012-2015 tapered off no problems

Prozac 20mg April 2016-May 2016 stopped ct after 4 weeks due to adverse reaction I believe to be serotnin toxicity due to mirtazapine interaction

Escitlopram 10 mg May 2016 - cut to 5mg May 2016  stopped ct November 2016 no W/d's noted

Lyrica 300mg May 2016 - July 2017 - Taper from Jan to Jul 17 awful taper.

Lofepramine 150mg  November 2016 - January 2017 Swift w/d as it didn't work

Quetiapine 75mg November 2016 changed to 150 XL May2017 changed to 150mg IR July 2017 reduced to in 25mg steps from July to 50mg Oct 17. 37.5mg 12th Nov 17 - 35mg 20 Nov 17 - 30mg 22 Nov 17 - 25mg 24 Nov 17 dropped to 20mg Dec 17, 15mg Jan 18. Current taken at bedtime.

Quetiapine dropped Jan 17th 2018.

Dosulepin 75mg May 2017 - increased in 25mg steps to 175mg Oct 17 Reduced to 150mg Nov 17 current taken at bedtime

Diazepam 15mg May 2016 - c/t'd by shrink after 6 weeks. Reinstated at 12mg after 4 weeks June 16 - current 4mg 3 times a day morning, 2.30pm and bedtime.

Mirtazapine 15mg since March 2015 - current - pooped out within 4 weeks

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So sorry you are feeling this way too, Staz.  Are you currently tapering?  Hopefully as you decrease, you will start to feel better.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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Yes I am Wantrelief. I'm trying to get rid of seroquel first. It's no wonder I'm apathetic, get no joy or pleasure or have any sort of motivation being on 4 sedating drugs. The logic for going for seroquel first is it's an antipsychotic  and was only given to me for sleep due to lofepramine causing me insomnia  and the chance of getting TD and other complications is just not worth it especially as it's done nothing bar make me sleep. That was useful during my Lyrica taper this year but comes at too high a price side effect wise.  Lofepramine didn't work but my shrink kept on with seroquel and increased it in the summer from 75mg to 150mg. I've managed to get it back down to 30mg now and plan to be off it come spring.

Dosulepin 75mg 1996 - 1997 tapered off no problem - Prozac sporadic use between 1995 and 2011 usually 9 months then off.

Mirtazapine 2015 tapered off after 4 months no problem -Prozac 20mg 2012-2015 tapered off no problems

Prozac 20mg April 2016-May 2016 stopped ct after 4 weeks due to adverse reaction I believe to be serotnin toxicity due to mirtazapine interaction

Escitlopram 10 mg May 2016 - cut to 5mg May 2016  stopped ct November 2016 no W/d's noted

Lyrica 300mg May 2016 - July 2017 - Taper from Jan to Jul 17 awful taper.

Lofepramine 150mg  November 2016 - January 2017 Swift w/d as it didn't work

Quetiapine 75mg November 2016 changed to 150 XL May2017 changed to 150mg IR July 2017 reduced to in 25mg steps from July to 50mg Oct 17. 37.5mg 12th Nov 17 - 35mg 20 Nov 17 - 30mg 22 Nov 17 - 25mg 24 Nov 17 dropped to 20mg Dec 17, 15mg Jan 18. Current taken at bedtime.

Quetiapine dropped Jan 17th 2018.

Dosulepin 75mg May 2017 - increased in 25mg steps to 175mg Oct 17 Reduced to 150mg Nov 17 current taken at bedtime

Diazepam 15mg May 2016 - c/t'd by shrink after 6 weeks. Reinstated at 12mg after 4 weeks June 16 - current 4mg 3 times a day morning, 2.30pm and bedtime.

Mirtazapine 15mg since March 2015 - current - pooped out within 4 weeks

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It sounds like you've been through a lot, Staz,.....that is great you've been able to reduce Seroquel by so much.  Have you seen any change with apathy as you've gotten lower?  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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Barbarannamated

,I hesitate to comment on this because my history is complex and I'm still on several drugs. I was initially given Zoloft for mild fatigue only, so I really have no baseline of depression or anxiety for comparison. 

Zoloft neuromuscular / movement disorder action led to approximately 30-40 different drugs since 1993. 

 

This apathy and lack of "volition" is unique since tapering Pristiq in 2010-11.  I am not trying to correlate it with any disorder aside from withdrawal.  

 

There seems to be a strong disconnect or loss of signalling between interest / intention to do something and initiating the physical movement necessary (getting out of bed, showering).  It's especially difficult when I'm doing things alone, which is most of the time.  Once I do get out, I'm USUALLY ok on my own.  I don't like to be with just one person because I have nothing to say anymore.  I used to be a good conversationalist, but everything triggers me now. Being with strangers seems a bit easier. It stimulates my curiosity and gets me out of my own head a bit, but there's less jealousy. 

 

 I haven't been able to work for 17 years due to Zoloft and the cascade of damage (55 now). 

 

I'm trying to get moved to Florida where I've rented a place with friends, but the idea of packing (mostly clothes and small items) is completely overwhelming.  I just shut down.  I really need help with this problem because I have to get out of where I'm living.  

 

I don't think it's sedation.  There's something that's not connecting in my mind.  Initiating movement is nearly impossible.  I just lay in bed all day, have zero appetite. There IS alot of long-term severe stress and now my only sibling is dying of lung cancer and my dad is 90 and going downhill fast.  I have no other family.  

 

Sorry this post is so disjointed.  I'm really afraid that I'm going to end up in a care home if I can't find a solution.  

 

 

 

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Thanks for commenting, B.  I am sorry this horrible symptom has not abated for you since tapering Pristiq as it doesn't sound like you had this problem until that time period?   Are you able to think of things you want to do but then physically can't get yourself to do those things?  I am having trouble even thinking of what I would like to do. I am wondering if your move to Florida will be helpful as you'll be around friends?  Maybe that could be motivating, seeing a better future there for yourself?  I completely understand though - i don't know how I would accomplish such an enormous task in this state of mind.  I do feel like there is something not connecting in my mind too, I keep describing it as if something has been shut down or disconnected in my brain.  I also find it almost impossible to initiate movement. I do make it out of bed because I become restless otherwise and eventually shower at some point in the day but mostly am lying on the couch - I have this need to lie down a lot.  I do force myself out once a day (well, haven't done well with that goal over the last two days but usually) just so I am out in the world a bit.  I am so sorry you have experienced so much stress and now even more with ill family members.  I am really sorry.  I just quit my job/career and am unsure what I'll do next. At the moment, I am too unstable to even think about it but wonder if I'll be able to work again as I keep having problems with the medications I am on when under stress...I just crash.  Not a good combo for work.  But maybe if I could find a low-stress type of position, I just question if there is such a thing in our world anymore. I do hope you can make it to Florida as it sounds potentially like this could be a good move for you, being around friends in what is hopefully a supportive environment.

 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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I wanted to add that I don't know if my problem is related to the medications I am on per se but rather something is very wrong with my nervous system and how it responds to stress.  Perhaps this is from being on medication for so long now or just me or both....I really don't know but have had this pattern occur over and over again and it is quite distressing.  When i am stable, I don't have the motivation problems so much other than some procrastination.  But when I become destabilized it is one of the core symptoms i experience.  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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Unfortunately not as yet but I don't expect to until I'm off of seroquel as it's so sedating. The one change that has been noticeable is some clarity of thought returning but until I'm off seroquel completely it will be difficult to judge and I'm still on a few other sedating drugs.

 

Dosulepin 75mg 1996 - 1997 tapered off no problem - Prozac sporadic use between 1995 and 2011 usually 9 months then off.

Mirtazapine 2015 tapered off after 4 months no problem -Prozac 20mg 2012-2015 tapered off no problems

Prozac 20mg April 2016-May 2016 stopped ct after 4 weeks due to adverse reaction I believe to be serotnin toxicity due to mirtazapine interaction

Escitlopram 10 mg May 2016 - cut to 5mg May 2016  stopped ct November 2016 no W/d's noted

Lyrica 300mg May 2016 - July 2017 - Taper from Jan to Jul 17 awful taper.

Lofepramine 150mg  November 2016 - January 2017 Swift w/d as it didn't work

Quetiapine 75mg November 2016 changed to 150 XL May2017 changed to 150mg IR July 2017 reduced to in 25mg steps from July to 50mg Oct 17. 37.5mg 12th Nov 17 - 35mg 20 Nov 17 - 30mg 22 Nov 17 - 25mg 24 Nov 17 dropped to 20mg Dec 17, 15mg Jan 18. Current taken at bedtime.

Quetiapine dropped Jan 17th 2018.

Dosulepin 75mg May 2017 - increased in 25mg steps to 175mg Oct 17 Reduced to 150mg Nov 17 current taken at bedtime

Diazepam 15mg May 2016 - c/t'd by shrink after 6 weeks. Reinstated at 12mg after 4 weeks June 16 - current 4mg 3 times a day morning, 2.30pm and bedtime.

Mirtazapine 15mg since March 2015 - current - pooped out within 4 weeks

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Barbarannamated

Wantrelief, 

 

I think there are many factors involved in my case.  

 

I did have loss of motivation on the serotonergic drugs, but since withdrawal, it seems like an entirely different beast, not an increase of the same loss of motivation.  For awhile shorty after my sloppy taper, I felt great!  I remember really tasting and appreciating food for the first time.  Music resonated with me more than ever.  I had more of a sex drive than ever (always minimal, can't blame the drugs).  I actually got in my car one morning (packed as much as possible) and drove away, across the country for about 4 months.  I wasn't fearful and had traveled alone quite a bit.  Now, I can barely drive across town.  Like you, I have a difficult time being upright.

 

At night, I have fleeting thoughts of things to do the next day, but by morning, I'm back in the black hole.  I can't connect with the feelings of pleasure or accomplishment that used to drive the process of doing things.  Horseback riding was a huge part of my life before withdrawal.  I occasionally see a video and feel a desire to get back on the horse, so to speak, but it hasn't happened. 

 

Being very isolated in a bad (empty) marriage has been a big factor and one I can't seem to get myself away from.  He's also been very drugged.  

 

I don't know if I'll get to Florida.  If I go, it would likely be a one-way trip and probably not seeing my dad again (never a good relationship, but still difficult to leave).  

 

I have a very complex drug regimen due to pain from neuromuscular and movement disorders courtesy of Zoloft and 20+ years of serotonergic drugs.  To find a doctor to continue that, if only to avoid withdrawal, is daunting.  A few Rxs can only be written for 30 days, no refills.  (Trying to put current meds in signature).  

 

I do think that a different environment with friends and more things to do would help me. I need to be around people.  I haven't shelved the idea altogether.  

 

 

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Your post deserves a much more eloquent response than I am able to write but I wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything you have been through - both in the past and what sounds like a really difficult present as well.  It must be so very frustrating not to have experienced any improvement with motivation since your withdrawal - except for that brief period right afterwards.  It sounds like there are a lot of factors/barriers in terms of your decision regarding Florida.   However, the last sentence of your post sounded hopeful, that being in Florida would be helpful to your well-being and maybe to your motivation as well.  I am glad you are thinking about it despite it being a difficult decision.  

 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop)

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  • 4 weeks later...
Downbutnotout

this is absolutely the worst thing that has happened to me. I have no excitement about anything at all. It’s been 6 months. But I sure can feel sad. And upset. I’m not taking a lot now, but am going through a horrible withdrawal. I’m currently taking 3 effexor beads as of today (after doct pulled me off 75 in 3 weeks) and trazadone 5 mg. My mornings are like a horror movie. I just started the 3 beads today. I just hope I recover from this, and once again have feelings for my family. Which has totally left me. It’s hard to bear. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to get off this poison. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Downbutnotout,

My feelings are exactly the same. No enjoyment, energy, peace of mind or motivation and it's been this way for 19 months now. I can't laugh but just cry with frustration and depression. Waking in the morning is the absolute pits of hell. It's as you describe 'like being in a horror movie'.

I'm on so many drugs I wish I knew which drug to target first. Which is the main culprit. My suspicion is it's the V but I'm going to try and ease off of Seroquel first I think.

Staz

Dosulepin 75mg 1996 - 1997 tapered off no problem - Prozac sporadic use between 1995 and 2011 usually 9 months then off.

Mirtazapine 2015 tapered off after 4 months no problem -Prozac 20mg 2012-2015 tapered off no problems

Prozac 20mg April 2016-May 2016 stopped ct after 4 weeks due to adverse reaction I believe to be serotnin toxicity due to mirtazapine interaction

Escitlopram 10 mg May 2016 - cut to 5mg May 2016  stopped ct November 2016 no W/d's noted

Lyrica 300mg May 2016 - July 2017 - Taper from Jan to Jul 17 awful taper.

Lofepramine 150mg  November 2016 - January 2017 Swift w/d as it didn't work

Quetiapine 75mg November 2016 changed to 150 XL May2017 changed to 150mg IR July 2017 reduced to in 25mg steps from July to 50mg Oct 17. 37.5mg 12th Nov 17 - 35mg 20 Nov 17 - 30mg 22 Nov 17 - 25mg 24 Nov 17 dropped to 20mg Dec 17, 15mg Jan 18. Current taken at bedtime.

Quetiapine dropped Jan 17th 2018.

Dosulepin 75mg May 2017 - increased in 25mg steps to 175mg Oct 17 Reduced to 150mg Nov 17 current taken at bedtime

Diazepam 15mg May 2016 - c/t'd by shrink after 6 weeks. Reinstated at 12mg after 4 weeks June 16 - current 4mg 3 times a day morning, 2.30pm and bedtime.

Mirtazapine 15mg since March 2015 - current - pooped out within 4 weeks

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Downbutnotout

Seroquel was my doctors next suggestion. I canceled my appointment with her Friday. I have to keep telling myself anything she prescribed fir me is not going to help me but make me feel worse. I have no faith in the drugs. What did seoquel do to you? 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Downbutnotout
On 9/19/2017 at 2:00 PM, brassmonkey said:

Emotional Blunting is one of the major side effects of all of these drugs.  It's how they work.  They don't cure anything,  just make us not care about it any more.  I had Emotional Blunting from the time of my second updose (from 30 to 40mg) all the way through most of my taper.  That would be about 12 years.  It didn't come on all at once but rather crept in over many months.  I could feel the slow slide into total not caring.  It took a while before I associated it with the drugs.  Once I understood that I was able to accept it and work against it.  There wasn't much I could do to improve the feelings but once I started to taper and the lower doses kicked in I began to see some improvements. But it does take a long time.  I've been drug free for five months now and can still experience EB while in waves.

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Downbutnotout

How did you fight against it? This is my main problem right now. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Downbutnotout
On 9/6/2017 at 10:52 PM, Jenniferdiana said:

I can't cry...why can't I cry...the last time I cried was last week...i can't force myself to cry..what is this? Has anyone ever experience this?

 

On 9/19/2017 at 9:13 AM, emmabee said:

This makes so much sense. I've been mostly anhedonic for about 5 years.  It's part of what led me to the decision to stop meds. 

Since WD, the anhedonia feels worse, but it's not constant.  I have periods of deep depression, high anxiety, and increasingly, windows of almost normalcy.  Maybe not normalcy, but brief periods ranging from hours to days where I start to feel like "I can..." 

Then back to anhedonic.  

 

I've been trying to read through most of this thread, and pages back someone talked about "paralysis of the will".  Yup.  I relate to that so much.

But looking at it as a rest period for my out of balance body and brain....makes me feel better.  

 

I know this is going to be a long journey, and have to remember that I need to stop fighting it and just let it happen in it's own time.  

 

I didn’t feel this on the meds. This is awful. I’m wondering if updosing on a medication that had stopped working is a smart idea. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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  • Moderator

You can't fight against it.  This is a drug induced sensation that we have no control over.  Trying to fight it or over come it just burns a lot of energy and causes a huge amount of frustration and anxiety because it doesn't help anything.  The emotions, feelings of joy, happiness, love and excitement as well as creativity, ambition and a whole lot more are being chemically suppressed and for the time being are just not accessible. Acceptance of the situation is the best path to follow.  As you reduce your dose further and your body has a chance to heal your emotions and all will slowly start to come back, but it does take a lot of time.  As I mentioned in the post you quoted, at the time I was off all drugs for five months I was still having some trouble with lack of feelings.  I am now rapidly approaching 10 months off and still am having the occasional bout with it. But things are so much better than they were when I was still tapering.

 

One thing I did learn was to look for and cherish all the little moments of joy.  They actually are popping up all the time, but are very fleeting and easily overlooked.  When you look at a flower, instead of thinking "darn, I can't enjoy this flower", watch for the momentary little flash of joy that that flower brings when you first see it, and acknowledge it when it happens.  Stop and try to see the beauty in things, even if you don't feel it. "Wow, the sun on those clouds is really pretty, one day soon I will feel it again".  Stop and recognize the joy/wonder in the scene, but let your body react in it's own manner.  This exercise will help reestablish the neural pathways and little by little dig out and strengthen the feelings.

 

Like the rest of ADWD it is a tortuously long slow process that can be very frustrating, but in the end is so worth all the effort. 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Downbutnotout

I am down to 50 mg of trazadone and 5 beads of Effexor. I didn’t do any of this the right way. I’m not even sure if this reinstatement is going to work. 

 

I’ll try your suggestion. Thank you for answering. 

 

When I went off by myself 2 years ago , I got a lot of it back for a while. Too bad I didn’t do it the right way then either.. I thought it was so easy. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Barbarannamated

My case is very complex, so PLEASE don't compare it to your own.  

 

During the *taper*, I felt so much better....energized, curious, adventurous, confident.  This awfulness hit me afterward and is still strong, several years later.  I could blame it on the drugs I'm still on, but it came on distinctly after a year long sloppy taper off of Pristiq.  I have no interest, motivation, impulsion and I am triggered by just about everything. Memes on Facebook regularly hit me the wrong way. My point of view has been turned to an entirely new and negative place.

My life IS void of interaction, purpose, and any forward movement, if that makes sense.  The end of my family is closing in and there is no circle of life.  I see my friends' lives moving forward with grandkids, careers, and good marriages (for the most part), while I'm in this holding pattern. 

 

I am neuro-emoting wickedly, especially since the tragic fires and loss of horses in California recently.  The holidays are brutal this year.  

 

I'm at a complete loss and unable to make decisions, which seems to be lack of executive function related to this thread.

 

I've been trying to help people and animals in need through donations.  That definitely feels good and I'm very thankful to be able to help.  I think that one of the worst things about being isolated is the inability to recognize when others are in need of help.  I think I may have an almost pathological need to help and feel needed.  🤔.  I better not give the DSM any new ideas!    

 

I desperately need someone to take over my life for awhile, in person.  I'm paralyzed and need to make changes, but just can't seem to put things into motion.  It's very scary.  

 

I'm still being paid disability by Big Pharma (psychopharm being my last position) and I just hate that.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I'm looking for some reassurance that these feelings (or lack of feelings) do eventually go away. Does the anhedonia typically go away as the DP/DR fades?

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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SunderedStar

Hello Hellbutrin,

 

The Anhedonia is usually the last of the symptoms of DPDR that leave. Recovery from DPDR can take a very long time. You're looking at months of years of recovery.

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to Bamo: Emotional numbness

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