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Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia


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3 hours ago, SunderedStar said:

Hello Hellbutrin,

 

The Anhedonia is usually the last of the symptoms of DPDR that leave. Recovery from DPDR can take a very long time. You're looking at months of years of recovery.

I'm okay with it taking a while to leave. My main concern is with it becoming permanent, I can't live in this state forever. Thanks for your reassurance. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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Snorky, that is why BAT often works, it makes you start with simple acts that don't seem to matter so much - like walk to the corner store, and then that sets up a positive spiral of doing more things

Great question NP...   I can strongly relate to everything You wrote Punar great post.. I'm so sorry to hear that You have to experience this horrible and inhumane condition too i send all hope to Y

Hi Druid.......   I've been wanting to share a few thoughts in regard to your post but I can only deal with certain subject matter, on certain days and at certain times (lol).   I can strongly

Sorry for my ignorance, but can someone tell me what DPDR is?

 

Thanks,

 

Callie

 

Lexapro: 2004-2010; Effexor XR 225 mg.: May 2010 - April 2017

Abilify 5 mg.: May 2010 - April 2017; Buspirone 60 mg.: 2004 - April 2017; Trazadone 100 mg.: 2004 - April 2017; Xanax: as needed; Fast taper

 

 

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4 hours ago, Callie said:

Sorry for my ignorance, but can someone tell me what DPDR is?

 

Thanks,

 

Callie

 

Dp/DR is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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Thank you very much for the explanation, Hellbutrin.

 

Callie

Lexapro: 2004-2010; Effexor XR 225 mg.: May 2010 - April 2017

Abilify 5 mg.: May 2010 - April 2017; Buspirone 60 mg.: 2004 - April 2017; Trazadone 100 mg.: 2004 - April 2017; Xanax: as needed; Fast taper

 

 

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Now I am 10 months of all meds I have hit the anhendonia stage and the apathy is worse than the depression I feel it in my stomach I can’t find any enjoyment no interest in anything from things I love to do to even going and seeing my beloved dad , it’s so awfull it makes me want to give up when it’s at it’s worse as it comes in strong waves I really would rather be dead than feel this apathy this feeling is worse than the depression , how do we live does it lift and how long does it last , I spoke to my doctor and he wanted to put me on lithium to help alleviate this feeling as he is worried that suicidal thoughts need addressing, he said to me that more people take their own lives because of the feeling of emptiness than depression and I can see why . But I refused the med , I think I need some reassurance has anyone had this and beat it 

 

100mg Effexor 2000 untill jan 2015 severe withdrawals . Tapered 4weeks.

Jan to end of Feb 4 weeks on 15mg mirtazapine 20mg quetiapine , tapered of both 2 weeks , severe withdrawals , still some from Effexor possibly

End of Feb 2015 to end of July 30mg citolapram tapered 2weeks severe withdrawal , anxiety high , bouts of sever depression , severe emotional moods

Currently on 30mg mirtazapine appx 5 months , high anxiety, March cut dose 22.5 mg going on to liquid still no improvements with the depression , also started sept 2015 200mg pregabalin , currently on 22.5mg mirtazapine tablet form doing really badly. Cut beginning of May remeron 20mg still bad anxiety,August 15mg remeron ,100mg pregablin , severe depression headaches anxiety , oct 2016 doctor stoped pregablin c/t , 15mg mirtazapine still no let up in physical symptoms ,high anxiety ,Nov 2016 remeron 13.5 mg , Jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped flouxetine20mg added by hospital admission, no choice , doing really badly , akathesia suicidel ,, Flouxetine c/t by hospital after 7 weeks 20mg daily , currently on nothing , God help me

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Yes, I have been through this stage and it passed. I agree it can feel like the worst experience imaginable. Mine came in waves too, so it wasn't constant 24/7. Like everything else, its impossible to predict how long it will last for you, but it will pass. Knowing that it was temporary is what helped me get through it. If you google 'survivingantidepressants.org' and the topic you are interested in, you will often find we already have a thread with lots of comments and discussion, please post in existing topics, it helps keep all the information together in one easily searchable place.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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On 9/19/2017 at 10:04 AM, Offforgood said:

I think my anhedonia which I have had for the last few years while on meds.. Zoloft 200 mg, olanzipine 5mg and effexor X-rays 450 mg and continue unchanged since I stopped taking all meds in July... I guess I was taken off Zoloft and olanzipine too fast Zoloft in a month taper and olanzipine in a few days.. on psychiatric advice..did I thought slow taper of effexor X-rays over 6 months 50% decrease each month..now am experiencing withdrawals two months later but predominant lack of motivation still persists.  

I think this anhedonia is a result of taking antidepressants for 28 years.. I believe the meds created this symptom when I read this article....

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989833/

 

 

I thought I was getting better but think I stopped am going backwards ..

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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Anhedonia and lack of motivation can also be symptoms of withdrawal.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020 Begin 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover and change from 3 daily doses to one 18.75mgai dose (0.311mgpw). Jan. 11, 2021 begin hold at current bedtime 18.75mgai dose.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (0.44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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On 1/10/2018 at 2:57 PM, Petunia said:

Yes, I have been through this stage and it passed. I agree it can feel like the worst experience imaginable. Mine came in waves too, so it wasn't constant 24/7. Like everything else, its impossible to predict how long it will last for you, but it will pass. Knowing that it was temporary is what helped me get through it. If you google 'survivingantidepressants.org' and the topic you are interested in, you will often find we already have a thread with lots of comments and discussion, please post in existing topics, it helps keep all the information together in one easily searchable place.

I would be so encouraged if I saw even a slight bit of my emotion returning. But I am either in the pits of hell depression or not able to feel anything at all with no in between. I'm so scared that I'm stuck this way. I certainly can't live like this forever, and I'm not even sure that I can see going on like this for another year without any change. If I saw a glimpse of return then I might be able to power through, but if I'm stuck like this then I don't see the point. 

Edited by Altostrata
delete outdated link
  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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I so agree with you.. I could have written this post myself.  What is the point? Maybe I just don’t want to deal with life anymore.  I just need a sign a glimpse of joy in life.

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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2 minutes ago, Offforgood said:

I so agree with you.. I could have written this post myself.  What is the point? Maybe I just don’t want to deal with life anymore.  I just need a sign a glimpse of joy in life.

Yeah, I agree completely. Feeling like there's no reason to go through this suffering makes it hard to climb out of the depressive states for sure. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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  • Moderator Emeritus
6 minutes ago, Hellbutrin said:

I'm so scared that I'm stuck this way. I certainly can't live like this forever, and I'm not even sure that I can see going on like this for another year without any change. If I saw a glimpse of return then I might be able to power through, but if I'm stuck like this then I don't see the point. 

 

I think we have all had similar feelings when going through the worst of it. For me, the thought I would never get better and that I would be stuck like this was one of those things I had to get very good at ignoring. The added anxiety it caused wasn't helpful and I knew, from everything I read that it wasn't true anyway.  I was going to get better, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.

 

I remember the first time I heard myself laugh, after having not found anything funny for a very long time. It was a shock actually and such a relief. I thought I had lost my sense of humor for ever. You just need to hang in there and know your normal emotions are going to return when they are ready. This is temporary. Don't think in terms of the next year, that's too overwhelming. You don't know what's going to happen in a year. Focus on getting through each day. Each day you get through is one step closer to being healed.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Petunia said:

 

I think we have all had similar feelings when going through the worst of it. For me, the thought I would never get better and that I would be stuck like this was one of those things I had to get very good at ignoring. The added anxiety it caused wasn't helpful and I knew, from everything I read that it wasn't true anyway.  I was going to get better, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.

 

I remember the first time I heard myself laugh, after having not found anything funny for a very long time. It was a shock actually and such a relief. I thought I had lost my sense of humor for ever. You just need to hang in there and know your normal emotions are going to return when they are ready. This is temporary. Don't think in terms of the next year, that's too overwhelming. You don't know what's going to happen in a year. Focus on getting through each day. Each day you get through is one step closer to being healed.

i have had one day of feeling great since i stopped taking meds on july 22, 2017--i know i was on meds for 28 years and in massive doses and i took EVERY med out there and to this day, i am angry that i followed my psych doc so blindly but i think that is one of my issues that i let a bad situation go on too long and i am struggling with that issue in therapy--i am at my 5 1/2 month point of ending all meds and i have read that sometimes at the 5.6.and or 7 month stretch the withdrawal symptoms get worse or come back or whatever-- and i have also read that they may reappear after a year off-- i just cant handle this prognosis--maybe i should stop reading the posts on these sites because i seem to get more discouraged-- i am back to total apathy and not caring about doing anything when i thought i was slowly coming out of it this past December--then bam!  i want to enjoy life again, i wan to look forward to things, i want to look forward but whatever is happening to me makes me stuck in this quagmire of negativity and past hurts, insults and betrayals-- i wonder since i lived so long this way whether i am just used to this way of thinking and i dont know how to think anything else-- i dont need to be deleriously happy but i would like to be content-- and go with the flow at least-- 

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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Just now, Offforgood said:

i have had one day of feeling great since i stopped taking meds on july 22, 2017--i know i was on meds for 28 years and in massive doses and i took EVERY med out there and to this day, i am angry that i followed my psych doc so blindly but i think that is one of my issues that i let a bad situation go on too long and i am struggling with that issue in therapy--i am at my 5 1/2 month point of ending all meds and i have read that sometimes at the 5.6.and or 7 month stretch the withdrawal symptoms get worse or come back or whatever-- and i have also read that they may reappear after a year off-- i just cant handle this prognosis--maybe i should stop reading the posts on these sites because i seem to get more discouraged-- i am back to total apathy and not caring about doing anything when i thought i was slowly coming out of it this past December--then bam!  i want to enjoy life again, i wan to look forward to things, i want to look forward but whatever is happening to me makes me stuck in this quagmire of negativity and past hurts, insults and betrayals-- i wonder since i lived so long this way whether i am just used to this way of thinking and i dont know how to think anything else-- i dont need to be deleriously happy but i would like to be content-- and go with the flow at least-- 

i admire the people who can not  just say get through each day but can actually do it--i guess i am doing it since i am still here but i feel confused unfocused and sometimes just plain scared of life 

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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12 hours ago, Offforgood said:

i admire the people who can not  just say get through each day but can actually do it--i guess i am doing it since i am still here but i feel confused unfocused and sometimes just plain scared of life 

Offforgood this is me to a tee , at 6 months I had such a bad wave of depression and again at 8 months now I have hit 10 months the wave is so bad some days severe depression but the apathy and anhendonia is the worst even on the less depressive days I feel so empty of life no joy no motivation this is when I am at my suicidel worst because I can’t even feel any hope of getting better , even if I read recovery stories try and do anything to distract my mind that awfull emptiness is there to me that’s why suicide is all ways prominent because who wants to live their life like that, it’s the end of life and trying to find a reason to keep going makes it worse as you feel like you have failed I don’t know how long this lasts I have read of people suffering for years there are no cures so it does begger the question is it all worth it , if I won a million pound tomorrow it would make me feel no different , I just wander through the days praying for a miracle that doesn’t come 

100mg Effexor 2000 untill jan 2015 severe withdrawals . Tapered 4weeks.

Jan to end of Feb 4 weeks on 15mg mirtazapine 20mg quetiapine , tapered of both 2 weeks , severe withdrawals , still some from Effexor possibly

End of Feb 2015 to end of July 30mg citolapram tapered 2weeks severe withdrawal , anxiety high , bouts of sever depression , severe emotional moods

Currently on 30mg mirtazapine appx 5 months , high anxiety, March cut dose 22.5 mg going on to liquid still no improvements with the depression , also started sept 2015 200mg pregabalin , currently on 22.5mg mirtazapine tablet form doing really badly. Cut beginning of May remeron 20mg still bad anxiety,August 15mg remeron ,100mg pregablin , severe depression headaches anxiety , oct 2016 doctor stoped pregablin c/t , 15mg mirtazapine still no let up in physical symptoms ,high anxiety ,Nov 2016 remeron 13.5 mg , Jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped flouxetine20mg added by hospital admission, no choice , doing really badly , akathesia suicidel ,, Flouxetine c/t by hospital after 7 weeks 20mg daily , currently on nothing , God help me

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On 6/8/2011 at 10:35 AM, Druid said:

Great question NP...

 

I can strongly relate to everything You wrote Punar great post.. I'm so sorry to hear that You have to experience this horrible and inhumane condition too i send all hope to You that this will resolve for You very soon.

 

I guess our feelings are the essence of the human experience and most of life revolves around how we "feel" about something. So for me Anhedonia has a profound effect on my whole life on so many levels. Punar I struggle to interact with other people and life in general too because of this symptom. I often recluse and isolate because i struggle to relate. It's like a depression but not depression in that nothing i can do seems to impact it in any way. It's like the ultimate chemically induced depression.

 

It even seems to make any decision making almost impossible, from hundreds of small decisions that we make almost subconsciously every day to larger more obvious ones. It's like when we make a decision we imagine say two or more possible paths or choices we might take.. we think about each separate scenario of action and consequence and then try to imagine how we feel about each outcome and therefore decide based on this information.. but how are we supposed to differentiate without having our feelings to guide us?.. I know there are many other variables that we take into account in this process but for me personally it's my feelings that have always been the stronger and most prominent guide..

 

Anhedonia seems to effect my memory too. Because i feel numbed in real time/ present.. and can't access my feelings i also lose the clarity and vividness of memories, because i cant access my feelings from past experiences either, because it would seem that memories are not just pictures we recall but when we hear an old song or have a memory triggered etc and it takes us back to a certain time or place or person, there is such a strong feeling accompanying this experience to complete it.. this feeling is often missing and i can only glance that distant memory for a fleeting moment unable to hold onto that moment and memory that is rightfully mine.. As a consequence to this I feel like a lot of my life and experiences even before these drugs has been stolen from me.

 

I feel like an observer of my own life rather than participating and living in the moment as i once did.

In a cruel irony negative emotions seem to be intensified. I do have very brief respite from time to time when i am able to glimpse my former passion and self for one beautiful bitter sweet moment only to lose myself again seconds later. I pray that these precious moments are windows that i am allowed to look through and glance a little into how i will feel in the future, when more healing has taken place..

 

Motivation is a fickle friend when as Punar explained so well, pleasure, reward and sense of accomplishment are missing, Apathy seems to conquer all to easily, and as a friend once pointed out to me, hate is not the opposite of love apathy is...

I'm struggling SO much with this. I know that you wrote this post a LONG time ago, but please tell me if it gets better. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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On 12/29/2017 at 2:47 PM, brassmonkey said:

You can't fight against it.  This is a drug induced sensation that we have no control over.  Trying to fight it or over come it just burns a lot of energy and causes a huge amount of frustration and anxiety because it doesn't help anything.  The emotions, feelings of joy, happiness, love and excitement as well as creativity, ambition and a whole lot more are being chemically suppressed and for the time being are just not accessible. Acceptance of the situation is the best path to follow.  As you reduce your dose further and your body has a chance to heal your emotions and all will slowly start to come back, but it does take a lot of time.  As I mentioned in the post you quoted, at the time I was off all drugs for five months I was still having some trouble with lack of feelings.  I am now rapidly approaching 10 months off and still am having the occasional bout with it. But things are so much better than they were when I was still tapering.

 

One thing I did learn was to look for and cherish all the little moments of joy.  They actually are popping up all the time, but are very fleeting and easily overlooked.  When you look at a flower, instead of thinking "darn, I can't enjoy this flower", watch for the momentary little flash of joy that that flower brings when you first see it, and acknowledge it when it happens.  Stop and try to see the beauty in things, even if you don't feel it. "Wow, the sun on those clouds is really pretty, one day soon I will feel it again".  Stop and recognize the joy/wonder in the scene, but let your body react in it's own manner.  This exercise will help reestablish the neural pathways and little by little dig out and strengthen the feelings.

 

Like the rest of ADWD it is a tortuously long slow process that can be very frustrating, but in the end is so worth all the effort. 

Should I worry that I C/T 6 months ago and I haven't had even a glimpse of my emotions returning since then?

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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On 1/15/2018 at 9:41 AM, Terry4949 said:

Offforgood this is me to a tee , at 6 months I had such a bad wave of depression and again at 8 months now I have hit 10 months the wave is so bad some days severe depression but the apathy and anhendonia is the worst even on the less depressive days I feel so empty of life no joy no motivation this is when I am at my suicidel worst because I can’t even feel any hope of getting better , even if I read recovery stories try and do anything to distract my mind that awfull emptiness is there to me that’s why suicide is all ways prominent because who wants to live their life like that, it’s the end of life and trying to find a reason to keep going makes it worse as you feel like you have failed I don’t know how long this lasts I have read of people suffering for years there are no cures so it does begger the question is it all worth it , if I won a million pound tomorrow it would make me feel no different , I just wander through the days praying for a miracle that doesn’t come 

Hey Terry, how are you feeing? Have you noticed any of your emotions starting to return yet?

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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On 1/14/2018 at 8:11 PM, Offforgood said:

i have had one day of feeling great since i stopped taking meds on july 22, 2017--i know i was on meds for 28 years and in massive doses and i took EVERY med out there and to this day, i am angry that i followed my psych doc so blindly but i think that is one of my issues that i let a bad situation go on too long and i am struggling with that issue in therapy--i am at my 5 1/2 month point of ending all meds and i have read that sometimes at the 5.6.and or 7 month stretch the withdrawal symptoms get worse or come back or whatever-- and i have also read that they may reappear after a year off-- i just cant handle this prognosis--maybe i should stop reading the posts on these sites because i seem to get more discouraged-- i am back to total apathy and not caring about doing anything when i thought i was slowly coming out of it this past December--then bam!  i want to enjoy life again, i wan to look forward to things, i want to look forward but whatever is happening to me makes me stuck in this quagmire of negativity and past hurts, insults and betrayals-- i wonder since i lived so long this way whether i am just used to this way of thinking and i dont know how to think anything else-- i dont need to be deleriously happy but i would like to be content-- and go with the flow at least-- 

Did your anhedonia eventually totally recover?

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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On 1/14/2018 at 11:50 AM, Gridley said:

Anhedonia and lack of motivation can also be symptoms of withdrawal.

But do they repair themselves eventually? I read somewhere that dopamine receptors are usually permanently damaged without the ability to regenerate. I hope that this is not the case, because i took wellbutrin and one of the main mechanisms for action works on dopamine receptors by down regulating them. Meaning that I could be stuck in this meaningless pit of emotional nothingness. It feels like everything is SO pointless. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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  • Moderator

Hi Hellbutrin --  to quote the last line of my post that you quoted above "it is a tortuously long slow process that can be very frustrating".  You appear to be doing quite well for being 6 months out from a CT.  Your emotions, passion and excitement for life are all still in there, and they will eventually start to show themselves, but you're going to have to be patient for a while longer.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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I'm 11 months off of psych drugs. The anhedonia has been there for most of the time.Basically, I don't give a f*ck about anything..My mind just thinks "whatever..." when I think of doing anything meaningful. I Have no motivation to do anything. I've been dizzy the entire 11 months I've been off of the meds, so I mostly lay in bed unless I need to get water or a quick snack.

 

I can't shower because it's too exhausting. I can't prepare any meals because it's too tiring. Sometimes I have the energy to brush my teeth, usually when they start to hurt or something. 

 

I've been wanting to go to the doctor to find out why I feel dizzy all the time, but guess what? My mind just doesn't seem to care enough to go..

 

I've been wanting to go to the dentist because I'm 1000% sure I have infections in my mouth, but my mind can't seem to care enough to go.

 

Just recently I have been unable to swallow my food properly, and it feels like food gets stuck in my throat. Well, I just don't have enough f*cks in me to find out what's wrong.

 

It's like I'm brain dead..dazed all the time..wanting to feel better but literally incapable of taking the steps I need to take to get there.

 

This is how I've been feeling for 11 months. Apparently I'll be feeling like this for another decade, if not a lifetime..whatever f*ck it sh*t happens..sigh..

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Downbutnotout
27 minutes ago, BrainDead said:

I'm 11 months off of psych drugs. The anhedonia has been there for most of the time.Basically, I don't give a f*ck about anything..My mind just thinks "whatever..." when I think of doing anything meaningful. I Have no motivation to do anything. I've been dizzy the entire 11 months I've been off of the meds, so I mostly lay in bed unless I need to get water or a quick snack.

 

I can't shower because it's too exhausting. I can't prepare any meals because it's too tiring. Sometimes I have the energy to brush my teeth, usually when they start to hurt or something. 

 

I've been wanting to go to the doctor to find out why I feel dizzy all the time, but guess what? My mind just doesn't seem to care enough to go..

 

I've been wanting to go to the dentist because I'm 1000% sure I have infections in my mouth, but my mind can't seem to care enough to go.

 

Just recently I have been unable to swallow my food properly, and it feels like food gets stuck in my throat. Well, I just don't have enough f*cks in me to find out what's wrong.

 

It's like I'm brain dead..dazed all the time..wanting to feel better but literally incapable of taking the steps I need to take to get there.

 

This is how I've been feeling for 11 months. Apparently I'll be feeling like this for another decade, if not a lifetime..whatever f*ck it sh*t happens..sigh..

This sounds bad. Maybe this is not working for you. It sounds life threatening. Maybe it’s time to try something else. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

This sounds bad. Maybe this is not working for you. It sounds life threatening. Maybe it’s time to try something else. 

what should I try? 

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Downbutnotout

I’m sorry. I don’t have an answer for you. I guess I shouldn’t have said anything. It gets to a point where we have to make decisions about what we think is best for ourselves. That’s the point I’m getting at too. Maybe go to the doctor to find out why your dizzy. Go to the dentist to fix your teeth. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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  • Moderator

Hi BrainDead-  You are going to get  lot better response to your questions if you ask them in your intro thread instead of one of these lesser visited threads.  That way we can have all your information together in one place and can get a better idea of what is going on.  Having your drug history listed in a signature block would be of real help too.  Oh, and by the way, this is a family site with a number of members who are minors so we ask everyone to be mindful of their language.

 

Brassmonkey

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Downbutnotout
On 12/28/2017 at 3:51 PM, Downbutnotout said:

How did you fight against it? This is my main problem right now. 

 Think it came when I took lithium gir 10 days. But isn’t this part of depression? 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Hi all,

 

Are there any success reports of individuals who struggled specifically with anhedonia and recovered? I've searched but I haven't found any. All of the results that I've found when I've searched are pretty grim. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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I could use some feedback about this if any forum users have seen their anhedonia go away completely. If you have, what does the process for recovery look like? 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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On 2/5/2018 at 3:54 PM, Hellbutrin said:

Did your anhedonia eventually totally recover?

No still struggling with it in my 7th month of no antidepressants.. still little joy in life and feel disassociated with life.. want to find joy and purpose in my life or what is the point?

 

Zoloft . On 10-15 years started 100 mg last dose 200mg tapered to zero in one month.. psych dr advise Last dose:  50mg Zoloft in February 2017

5mg  Olanzipine - 1 -2 yrs last dose 5 mg in Jan 2017 told to stop within a weEk

 

NOTE:  had very bad withdrawal symptoms with discontinuation of Zoloft and Olanzipine.. very very seriously suicidal... 

 

450mg Effexor XR - started at 75mg a couple of years ago, increasing every few months until I got to 450mg

beginning in February to July 22 - 450, 300, 150, 75, 37.5 , 16.5 mg

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On 2/14/2018 at 1:26 AM, Offforgood said:

No still struggling with it in my 7th month of no antidepressants.. still little joy in life and feel disassociated with life.. want to find joy and purpose in my life or what is the point?

Yes, I am also in month 7 and depression and anhedonia are the two symptoms that I primarily struggle with. Have you seen any fluctuation in your symptoms so far or have they just pretty much been a steady state of misery? I haven't had ONE solid window in all of this time. It's INCREDIBLE to me that the one thing that should never be able to be taken from us is our connection with ourselves and this condition completely ravages our self relationship. 

  1. Started Wellbutrin 75 mg IR the end of 2015.
  2. Tried quitting cold turkey in June 30th- July 3rd 2017.
  3. Had severe withdrawals.
  4. Was placed on Wellbutrin 100mg SR so I could taper without withdrawal.
  5. Stabilized on 100mg SR for most of the month of July.
  6. Started tapering on July 17th,  2017.
  7. Completed taper on August 8th, 2017.
  8. Currently experiencing severe withdrawal.
  • Symptoms- Currently experiencing anhedonia, depersonalization/derealization, concentration/memory issues, chronic congestion, chronic dry eyes, dry skin, dislocated TMJ joint from teeth grinding during C/T withdrawal, waves of depression, anxiety, nausea, morning cortisol spikes, insomnia, agitation, food sensitivities, no tolerance for caffeine and chronic fatigue, burning muscle pain in upper and lower back and occasional tinninitus.
  • Supplements- Omega-3 fish oil supplement twice daily, 100 mg of magnesium once daily. 
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The news seems so bad - Why even freaking taper.  I don't have 20 years of my life to devote to being miserable.

Drug history   SSRI/SNRI - 15-20 years.  Aug 2014 - Jan/Feb 2015 (approx) - Adderall, gabapentin, propranolol ,Xanax,Clonazepam
Jan 2010 Zoloft Start  200mg
July 2016 Valium start 10-20mg (stopped Cloazepam)
2017/2/1  200mg Zoloft 10-20mg valium - started -10Zoloft taper
2017/6    reached 90mg zoloft - and 30mg valium - updosed to 200mg zoloft and started valium taper
2017/7   reached 10mg valium - restarted zoloft taper -25mg every 10-14 days as tolerable
2017/9   zoloft 0  valium 10    2017/10  Zoloft 0, withdrawal hard - valium 20
Supplements:10/2017 Multivitamin Omega3 Vit D Iron Calcium/Magnesium
2017/10/8 Zoloft 100mg    2017/10/9 Zoloft 5mg
2017/10/27 Zoloft 12.5mg
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Downbutnotout
22 minutes ago, SSRIamNot said:

The news seems so bad - Why even freaking taper.  I don't have 20 years of my life to devote to being miserable.

Some people on here have great success.

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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I guess it is human nature to only reach out when hurting.  It sure would be nice to hear more success stories.  It gets really discouraging.

 

 

Drug history   SSRI/SNRI - 15-20 years.  Aug 2014 - Jan/Feb 2015 (approx) - Adderall, gabapentin, propranolol ,Xanax,Clonazepam
Jan 2010 Zoloft Start  200mg
July 2016 Valium start 10-20mg (stopped Cloazepam)
2017/2/1  200mg Zoloft 10-20mg valium - started -10Zoloft taper
2017/6    reached 90mg zoloft - and 30mg valium - updosed to 200mg zoloft and started valium taper
2017/7   reached 10mg valium - restarted zoloft taper -25mg every 10-14 days as tolerable
2017/9   zoloft 0  valium 10    2017/10  Zoloft 0, withdrawal hard - valium 20
Supplements:10/2017 Multivitamin Omega3 Vit D Iron Calcium/Magnesium
2017/10/8 Zoloft 100mg    2017/10/9 Zoloft 5mg
2017/10/27 Zoloft 12.5mg
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Downbutnotout

You’re preaching to the choir. I’m wondering myself about how appropriate this whole thing is to me.

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Barbarannamated

If at all possible, try to think of something you enjoyed PRIOR to being on drugs and see if that elicits any slight stirrings, even watching a video on YouTube.  My theory is that we are disconnected from feelings of pleasure we may have had while on the drugs.  

 

You will likely have mixed emotions if you can't physically get out of bed yet, but latch onto ANYTHING to enjoy again.  

 

I really do understand this and relate to all that's been shared.  It's torture.  :(

 

(My case is extremely complex) 

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to Bamo: Emotional numbness

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