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Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia


Neuroplastic

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13 hours ago, kostakonkordia said:

No problem I understand you are frustrated. But have you made an mri scan of you're brain? Because you talk about you're brain damage as if you have seen it on an mri. 

Tried that, found nothing.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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I second @Jnthnslo - emotional anesthesia seems to be a different kind of beast than anhedonia, and to follow a different logic. It is very hard to find someone whose emotional anesthesia is cured, while general joylessness/emotional flattening often seems to go away after withdrawal or depression. Some are emotionally flattened while taking SSRIs, and experience a return of their emotions as early as tapering or shortly after stopping. I believe many describe themselves as 'anhedonic' because they cannot feel happy, but are not affected by this zombie-like emotional anesthesia. If you know any healing stories from emotional anesthesia - bring it on!!!

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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That @ThatOneGirlStitchposted some a few days ago 

zoloft 50-100 mg 2012-2020

Reinstated zoloft 50mg for 2 months 2021 and switched back to Lexapro 10mg 

Reinstated 10mg 2021 later that year July-september 2021

Reinstated after 4 week withdrawal for 4 days plus lamictal 5mg october 16th

Wellbutrin 100mg for 2 days November 2021

Currently on nothing  

  

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Thanks @julesb , yes I read through those.. maybe I'm just too pessimistic, so don't take me too seriously, but of the reports, only one (the first) specifically referred to emotional anesthesia, that is, the inability to feel anything at all. The others speak more of general lack of motivation or inability to enjoy things.... But hey, a report is better than none at all. Thanks in any case @ThatOneGirlStitch

 

6 minutes ago, julesb said:

That @ThatOneGirlStitchposted some a few days ago 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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@kostakonkordia and @Jnthnslo do you guys know people who have recovered from full blown emotional anesthesia?

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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@ManatiYes, I've found a few success stories of people coming out or full blown emotional anesthesia. I've slowly been collecting stories as I find them and can work on posting links as well. Specifically, I've found stories of those who once had anxiety and lost it during the anesthesia.  They said their emotions all returned, even the anxiety.  Most of them also described it as a very slow process where progress was unnoticeable.  For me, the most comforting description was that many of them were like us in thinking that they would never recover with that strange head feeling that fells so permanent. 

Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 9 2021

Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 8 2021

Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 7 2021

Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 6 2021 

 

 

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20 minutes ago, Manati said:

@kostakonkordia and @Jnthnslo do you guys know people who have recovered from full blown emotional anesthesia?

I really don't know what's the difference between anhedonia and emotional anesthesia. It sounds to me like the same thing only a difference in severity. 

I also guess that it differs from person to person in terms of what they value. Someone who is mostly rational and to whom emotions are not that important will expirience it different than someone who values emotions more. But I don't know. 

 

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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19 minutes ago, Jnthnslo said:

@ManatiYes, I've found a few success stories of people coming out or full blown emotional anesthesia. I've slowly been collecting stories as I find them and can work on posting links as well. Specifically, I've found stories of those who once had anxiety and lost it during the anesthesia.  They said their emotions all returned, even the anxiety.  Most of them also described it as a very slow process where progress was unnoticeable.  For me, the most comforting description was that many of them were like us in thinking that they would never recover with that strange head feeling that fells so permanent. 

Yes everyone thinks that they are the only one who will not recover. 

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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Thank you so much, @Jnthnslo, for your kind response and efforts!! You are giving me a little hope here - after following up on those who posted on this thread over the years, I was so discouraged...  It would be so cool to read/hear from people who have recovered from this. As I wrote before, I found a few stories of people who recovered from a 'general' joylessness or 'feeling flat' while on SSRI or in WD, but hardly any of those suffering from complete emotional anesthesia.

 

 

16 minutes ago, Jnthnslo said:

Yes, I've found a few success stories of people coming out or full blown emotional anesthesia. I've slowly been collecting stories as I find them and can work on posting links as well. Specifically, I've found stories of those who once had anxiety and lost it during the anesthesia.  They said their emotions all returned, even the anxiety.  Most of them also described it as a very slow process where progress was unnoticeable.  For me, the most comforting description was that many of them were like us in thinking that they would never recover with that strange head feeling that fells so permanent. 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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Some people are unable to feel positive emotions, but do experience anxiety or depression. I'd classify them as anhedonic. They often seem to experience a certain 'flatness' in their emotions, too, but not to the same degree as it is the case in emotional anesthesia where you don't feel ANYTHING. No anxiety, no depression, no 'self', no emotionally charged memories, no inner dialogue etc. From my observation, the general 'flatness' or joylessness has a good chance to clear up over time, I've experienced that myself during depression many years ago.

I agree it probably 'feels' worse for some people than others. Maybe, some stereotypical IT-guy with mild Aspergers will hardly notice, while for others their entire reality collapses. Sadly, I belong to the second category.

 

3 minutes ago, kostakonkordia said:

I really don't know what's the difference between anhedonia and emotional anesthesia. It sounds to me like the same thing only a difference in severity. 

I also guess that it differs from person to person in terms of what they value. Someone who is mostly rational and to whom emotions are not that important will expirience it different than someone who values emotions more. But I don't know. 

 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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I wish everyone would recover. I wish MOST people would recover. I wish at least SOME people do recover. Enough to keep hope alive. Hence my asking for recovery stories. From where do you draw your hope, your optimism?

 

9 minutes ago, kostakonkordia said:

Yes everyone thinks that they are the only one who will not recover. 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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27 minutes ago, Manati said:

I wish everyone would recover. I wish MOST people would recover. I wish at least SOME people do recover. Enough to keep hope alive. Hence my asking for recovery stories. From where do you draw your hope, your optimism?

 

 

Because I have read quite a bunch of success story's and I belive I understand the mechanism behind it which leaves room for healing for everybody. Also I know that the body has tremendous potential to heal itself If you do the right things. 

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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Could you link us some success stories? Particularly regarding emotional anesthesia, not just 'low motivation' etc.

 

11 hours ago, kostakonkordia said:

Because I have read quite a bunch of success story's and I belive I understand the mechanism behind it which leaves room for healing for everybody. Also I know that the body has tremendous potential to heal itself If you do the right things. 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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For what it's worth, I have started experiencing some pleasure in my life recently, when not so long ago I couldn't feel any joy in anything, and hadn't felt joy in anything for many months. I'm not saying I'm full on happy or anything, but I've definitely noticed a lifting of the deadness xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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5 hours ago, Manati said:

Could you link us some success stories? Particularly regarding emotional anesthesia, not just 'low motivation' etc.

 

 

I really don't want to look them up now. ThatOneGirlStitch has already posted some story's on here. I have seen a few people on reddit here and there. They suffered from anhedonia. To me it sounds like that you are scared that you won't heal. But you really don't have to. Better try something like sports, meditation maybe check you're gut etc. Focusing on healing will probably speed up you're recovery. 

Edited by kostakonkordia

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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2 hours ago, Kat66 said:

For what it's worth, I have started experiencing some pleasure in my life recently, when not so long ago I couldn't feel any joy in anything, and hadn't felt joy in anything for many months. I'm not saying I'm full on happy or anything, but I've definitely noticed a lifting of the deadness xx

Congrats. That sounds very good :)). Have you done anything specific or did it change with time? 

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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2 hours ago, Kat66 said:

For what it's worth, I have started experiencing some pleasure in my life recently, when not so long ago I couldn't feel any joy in anything, and hadn't felt joy in anything for many months. I'm not saying I'm full on happy or anything, but I've definitely noticed a lifting of the deadness xx

Kate that is wonderful! I hope you experience continued improvement! Is the lifting constant of have you noticed it in certain things? So glad for you! 🥰

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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@Manati

Good thing is that it is possible. And that means it is not impossible. I promise there are people who when from not being able to feel negative emotion as well that got better.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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It's snowing. It looks picturesque. I want to enjoy it. 

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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I don't know how I'm going to make it. My ribs, my hip bones. I can't eat enough. I gag things down. Please God. Please! I need help and don't know what to do.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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I am afriad I am vey scared the doctors arent heling 

i need food

I  need cal 

They just do nothing y

I am a skeleton I see bones I feel bones I can not be touched i feel bones they touch bones My heart hurts physical heart it hurts it hurt god it hurts I need medical help I need SOMEONE to take this seriously  I dont know what to dpoo  I am a skkele I am afriad no I have benn afrid /Im just losin g hiope I Nedd help, I cant see past my tears

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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9 minutes ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

I don't know how I'm going to make it. My ribs, my hip bones. I can't eat enough. I gag things down. Please God. Please! I need help and don't know what to do.

You were able to have solid food few days ago right? Did that change again? 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Yes but I can not eat enough calories. I've been trying so hard. I'm mourning that I may be leaving my loved ones behind.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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There has been talk of the hhospital. I am scared I won't come out of it

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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Thank you for your encouraging words, @ThatOneGirlStitch. I'll also keep my eyes open for succes stories and will share them if I (finally) find any.

 

7 hours ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Good thing is that it is possible. And that means it is not impossible. I promise there are people who when from not being able to feel negative emotion as well that got better.

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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I am so sorry for what you are going through!!! I'm sure there will be a solution! What about a feeding tube? Astronaut food? It will be fine, for sure!!! Thinking of you with my best wishes! 💜

 

2 minutes ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

There has been talk of the hhospital. I am scared I won't come out of it

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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Im so sorry everyone. I thought I was posting on my page. I couldn't see through my tears. Yes maybe a feeding tube. I don't know how to get one.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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Yes indeed, I am actually quite pessimistic about healing prospects. Originally I also thought that most sufferers would heal, but the long-term courses of the people who have posted here over the years leave little room for hope. I read the links from onegirlstitch, but they refer more generally to 'low motivation' or 'lack of enjoyment'/general anhedonia. Emotional anesthesia goes much further than that. But I don't want to drag you/anyone down here, I also think it's vital in this situation to be able to hope, so hold on to that!!!

 

8 hours ago, kostakonkordia said:

I really don't want to look them up now. ThatOneGirlStitch has already posted some story's on here. I have seen a few people on reddit here and there. They suffered from anhedonia. To me it sounds like that you are scared that you won't heal. But you really don't have to. Better try something like sports, meditation maybe check you're gut etc. Focusing on healing will probably speed up you're recovery. 

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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No worries at all, @ThatOneGirlStitch, I'm so sorry for you!! They should help you at the hospital with a feeding tube! They won't let you starve under their eyes, I'm sure of that!! 💜

 

10 minutes ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Im so sorry everyone. I thought I was posting on my page. I couldn't see through my tears. Yes maybe a feeding tube. I don't know how to get one.

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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@Kat66 that's great to hear, I'm so happy for you! Were/are you able 'feel' anxiety and depressive emotions in your anhedonic state? Or no emotions at all?

 

11 hours ago, Kat66 said:

For what it's worth, I have started experiencing some pleasure in my life recently, when not so long ago I couldn't feel any joy in anything, and hadn't felt joy in anything for many months. I'm not saying I'm full on happy or anything, but I've definitely noticed a lifting of the deadness xx

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) (25mg?) from December 2002 - November 2005 for anxiety/depression

Effexor (Venlafaxine) Retard (75mg) due to Panic attacks from November 2005 until around May 2020 when I started tapering off from 75mg to about 33mg in September. Accidentially missed a dose and naively went cold turkey from around 33mg to zero on 26th of September. Hell broke loose in early December.

25th December: Reinstated Venlafaxine with one bead (0.3/0.4mg) in the evening, proceeding with two beads (0.7/0.8mg)

since 5th January: 3 beads of Venlafaxine daily and nothing else except fish oil and magnesium. No changes in daily routine

15th January - 17th January: 4 beads of Venlafaxine

since 18th January: back to 3 beads of Venlafaxine due to extreme agitation, introduced Ashwaghanda supplement.

Since 23. January: introduced Lyrica to help with sleep/jerks keeping me awake: updosed from 4mg to 8mg.

Since February: 700mg Valerian and 2mg Melatonin for sleep

March: tapering Lyrica again due to side effects.

April: down to 2 beads of Venlafaxine

17th October: Off everything. Braindead, apathetic/anhedonic Zombie.

 

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15 hours ago, Manati said:

Yes indeed, I am actually quite pessimistic about healing prospects. Originally I also thought that most sufferers would heal, but the long-term courses of the people who have posted here over the years leave little room for hope. I read the links from onegirlstitch, but they refer more generally to 'low motivation' or 'lack of enjoyment'/general anhedonia. Emotional anesthesia goes much further than that. But I don't want to drag you/anyone down here, I also think it's vital in this situation to be able to hope, so hold on to that!!!

 

 

Yes it can be life saving. Generally people who believe in God or any higher principle can withstand those situations much much better. At least that is what I have observed multiple times. You know the pessimism is not built on real life. At least not totally. You should really take a look into gut theory it makes alot of sense and does not leave you hopeless. I'm currently painting and it really helpes me. I kind of feel better after I painted something nice. That stuff helpes you heal. I don't know what you liked once or what you're preferences are but you could learn piano a bit or something else. Hanging around this forums too much really ****es with you're head. And take a look into the gut theory. You can do things. Can you workout? How does you're diet look like? A bunch of people have improved by adjusting their diet. For example ask Chessie cat about low carb diet if you are interested. 

There are things do do. I want to get into swimming when I finally get out of quarantine. Swimming might give you a feel for you're body if you know what I mean. 

 

You probably already have read this but anhedonia is very likely a dysbalance in neurotransmitters. Dopamine is a suspect. And 50% of dopamine get synthesised in the gut also by bacteria. Also bacteria communicate with gut cells via small molecules and mediate the production of neurotransmitters. I don't know why so many people refuse to see this more than obvious connection and rather believe in a brain damage theory which has only little evidence. But if you are still unsure go and make a mri scan. 

Edited by kostakonkordia

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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This is why I can’t be on forums anymore, the person talking about having this for 9 years and it’s permanent genuinely makes me want to end my life knowing there is no recovery to be had. I just can’t understand something could be so long lasting and why after 9 years they are still on these forums? I use my phone an the internet a lot, I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if they are to blame for how I feel. I really should take a huge break from it all

2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 

2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 

 

2020  oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. 

still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. 

 

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Has anyone else experienced major hair loss and hair thinning?

zoloft 50-100 mg 2012-2020

Reinstated zoloft 50mg for 2 months 2021 and switched back to Lexapro 10mg 

Reinstated 10mg 2021 later that year July-september 2021

Reinstated after 4 week withdrawal for 4 days plus lamictal 5mg october 16th

Wellbutrin 100mg for 2 days November 2021

Currently on nothing  

  

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43 minutes ago, Nic123 said:

This is why I can’t be on forums anymore, the person talking about having this for 9 years and it’s permanent genuinely makes me want to end my life knowing there is no recovery to be had. I just can’t understand something could be so long lasting and why after 9 years they are still on these forums? I use my phone an the internet a lot, I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if they are to blame for how I feel. I really should take a huge break from it all

You never know what this person has going on probably he/she has some other problems going on and attributes it to withdrawal. According to the gut theory it's obviously a manifestated dysbiosis. 

If you do the right things like sports, healthy lifestyle, hope, engage in relationships there is no doubt you will not heal. I belive in you guys don't worry we will all heal. 

Yes taking a break is a very good idea :)). 

Ad's since 2016 (I was 16 then...) (Escitalopram) 

Nov 2018 switch to venlafaxin 150mg

Nov 2019 to march 2020 tapered by 37,5mg to cero. (breakdown, minor w/d symptoms for a few days only panic attacks followed by deep depression came a month later duo to stress). 

Reinstated venla 150mg in Juli 2020.

Nov 2020 to April 2021 tapering by 15mg every month or so until I reached approximately 50 mg(no w/d symptoms) 

Since April 2021 tapered once by 5% and once by 10% of the last dose because I'm not stable enough for w/d. 

Current dose 50mg venlafaxin

No other medication. 

No supplements

Stopped smoking 29.12.2021

No alcohol 

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5 hours ago, julesb said:

Has anyone else experienced major hair loss and hair thinning?

Yeah i receded massively but i think that was going to happen anyway as father is bald. Just as i turned 26 it ramped up a lot. 

2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 

2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 

 

2020  oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. 

still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. 

 

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4 hours ago, kostakonkordia said:

You never know what this person has going on probably he/she has some other problems going on and attributes it to withdrawal. According to the gut theory it's obviously a manifestated dysbiosis. 

If you do the right things like sports, healthy lifestyle, hope, engage in relationships there is no doubt you will not heal. I belive in you guys don't worry we will all heal. 

Yes taking a break is a very good idea :)). 

Thats my thinking, I dont discount at all how they feel but there just has to be more to this than "permanent brain damage to frontal lobe" Maybe it very well is but its honestly useless to even think like that. It achieves absolutely nothing but hopelessness. most if not all of my issues could be attributed to severe depression and i wouldn't even know. Im positive its not but thats how doctors would explain it. 

2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 

2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 

 

2020  oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. 

still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. 

 

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