Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia


Neuroplastic

Recommended Posts

Exactly, i dont even know why i stand up in the morning anymore, as the life i had is now nonexisting.

Spend 30.000€ in one month, to find any joy about anything, without any luck, i dont see why i even should work anymore, as everything i do is nonexisting experience, there is no inner construct of my self, that i build since i was born, i dont even know if calling this "emtpy shell" is right, how the **** this is all is even possible?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Helpless,

 

Looking at your posts, I don't see your history of psych treatment (what meds have you taken? Are these symptoms due to withdrawal or a side effect? Have you had other treatments like ECT?)

 

Anyway, I do think long term use of the meds can cause enduring damage or disruption of brain function and the extreme apathy does sound like it could be the result of an enduring frontal lobe or executive dysfunction or dopamine dysfunction. It certainly feels very "physical" in nature even though it is an emotional/psychological symptom.

 

However, I disagree with your assumption that the brain cannot heal (I saw this in some of your other posts). There is evidence in the research literature (and in people experiences) that the brain can repair damage, create new connections and basically heal and change throughout adult life.

 

There's a thread on neuroplasticity here that you should check. There is hope and we all have to make the choice to choose hope-because there's no other way to go on.

 

Take care,

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

can relate to everyone in this thread, such a horrible, lifeless feeling which is only getting progressively worse with time as I continue to be forcefully drugged.

on advice from others, have found vitamin B complex, B3 & B5, P-5-P & Zinc supplements to be very uplifting, definitely feel a little more energy on days I do take them.

 

am just wasting away chain smoking ciggarettes and playing world of warcraft till the day I can find a way out of my CTO. doing my best to convince them I now have "insight", but they won't even lower my dose.

 

Sex drive completely lost, desire for self improvement is gone. Can't focus long enough to read books I used to enjoy. Can't remember what it feels like to be happy and laugh. Honestly feel death could be a more pleasureable experience than Anhedonia, akathisia, and psych drugs in general. But that would be letting them win, can't possibly do that.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

 

How many of you, apart from the whole gamut of other symptoms, are suffering from emotional numbness as of present? How does it manifest in your case?

 

Neuro......

 

 

I hope my response does not corrupt the subject of your thread but I seem to alternate between anhedonia and depression.

 

 

Both, as we all know, how horrible states to be in. I find though that the depression is harder for me to endure since, feelings of loss, trauma also become activated. Anxiety levels are usually higher when the WD induced depression hits. Fear, horror, caring too profoundly about everyone and everything and becoming hair-triggered to any negative emotion or event/stressor makes it extremely difficult to endure much of anything. Consequently, I avoid interacting with others or with life since, even going to the grocery store floods me with instant and visual reminders of how much I've lost in life.

 

 

Although, with that said, I force myself to distract via some form of activity, even if I cry through it since it can help get my mind moving outside the horrors of the WD induced depressive thoughts.

 

 

However, when I lapse into the anhedonic states I'm the opposite. I feel dead to the trauma, lifeless, no fear of any losses, nor any fear for my future, absolutely no motivation nor even care to motivate myself (although I do push through such states as best I can to distract although engaging in an activity usually deepens my feelings of disconnection since, I derive no pleasure or sense of accomplishment from anything).... just don't feel connected to anything life nor to my traumatic experiences/losses etc.

 

 

In a sick way, as horrid as anhedonia is, I actually prefer it to the depression since, it gives me respite from feeling traumatized (feeling too much of everything).

I feel disconnected from my losses and trauma when in this state.

 

 

So, in essence, I feel way too deeply in my depressive states and lifeless/dead in my anhedonic states. Then there are some okish days where I don't feel as polarized but rather, more neutral/balanced. Such days seem to be increasing in numbers (thank God) appearing in clusters (few days in a row). So, there is this "break" in between the two states that I have described.

 

 

No matter how serious these states feel, I try not to take them seriously (although, as we know its a challenge). I try to force myself to distract myself out of either state (even if for moments at a time). Humour saves me when in either state.

 

 

Although humour is really difficult to illicit, I really, really push myself since, its the only thing that snaps me into an altered state, for a short spurts of time.

 

 

I can construct a humurous thought but then plummet emotionally two mintues later. So, I go back and contruct another funny thought and so on. I'm very up and down in this regard but that's okay. My goal is to create as many mini moments of life and connection as possible.

 

One could remark: "well, you can't be suffering too badly IF you can create humour". Yes, that may seem to appear to be the case but it's not at all. For some reason, the creative part of my mind, despite the severest of WD states, has been accessible to me, at some level, but only if I force myself to direct my mind into this mode, even if I have to cry my way through it (which happens often). It's a survival tactic utilized to keep myself going. If I don't do so, I won't make it psychologically.

 

Not implying that my approach will work for everyone. Rather, just sharing what I have to do to survive this WD ordeal.

 

 

Punar

 

Wow, this could have been written about me! The "caring too profoundly about everyone and everything" is what is killing me. I cry about everything and everyone. It's so exhausting. I do try and find humour and good things to distract me, so it is good advice. Thank you for this, it helps to know I am not alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree. Could have written that myself also. Nope, we are definately not alone! 

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

someone please help. I cant feel anything, I cant relate to my family. its like I am a different person since i started zyprexa I cant remember who I am.There is no point in living like this.

I am the same as you.  I cant feel the love for my children or anyone else.  I've been like it for 3half years.  Yesterday I went to a Buddhist temple and did some meditation, and they gave me 3 meditation CDs which helped me go to sleep easier but I still woke up 3 hours later.  But in my dreams I am the same person I used to be, kind to children and people, a loving person doing things, then I wake up and the misery starts all over again.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive been laughing on and off all day which is nice for me, but I still have complete anhedonia, does anyone else understand this or had this happen to them?

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Destroyed,

 

I am experiencing the same.  If someone tells a lame joke I'll laugh uncontrollably.  I am able to make small wise cracks here and there, but overall am still fully anhedonic and feel little empathy or social emotions.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How long have you been like this for?  I have had my humour back before but it went and now its back.  My psychologist said its good to laugh because it will encourage other parts of the brain to start working so I watch Borat and other things to try to keep it up.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe three months, it comes and goes.  I've been doing something similar and have watched nearly every stand-up comedy show on Netflix to try and rekindle my humor. 

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Any others experiencing this or have recovered? How long until you started noticing improvement? What did you do to help regain affect? I am watching all sorts of comedies with a vacant stare on my face. FML

2006-15 Effexor on and off mostly on. Also tried drugs that didn't work; notriptyline, Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Abilify, Pristiq, Cymbalta. Weaned off Effexor for last time quickly (2015) - horrible depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Remeron (2016) helped wd symptoms. 
2017 - tapered off Rem over a few mths. Horrible wd symptoms with insomnia. Reinstating Remeron fail. For wd insomnia tried: Trazodone, Elavil, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Doxepin, Valium. Failed. 2mg Ativan at bed intermittent use 4mth.
CT Ativan - off all meds June '17.  Recovered by Oct '17 - well for a yr.
Oct '18-now. Major stresses, drank alcohol. In hell -insomnia, dp/dr, head pressure, anhedonia, no emotions, blank mind.
May/June '19 - 16 doses Rem CT, 10 doses 2mg Ativan. CT

Recovered Oct 2020-June 2022 - fully functional, working.  Only left with head pressure.

Major stresses - mainly financial, living space, relationship - severe insomnia, severe anxiety, depression, dp/dr, emotional numbness, blank mind

Sept 2022 - for sleep - took 8 doses of 15mg Remeron, 3 doses of 7.5mg, 3 doses of 3.75mg, 3 doses of 1.875mg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus

Yep! lost sense of humor here too. I remember the first time I heard myself laugh after not having done it for a long time, it was a shock, then a nice surprise to realize it wasn't lost for ever. It went away again and comes back occasionally, as time goes by I'm finding myself smiling more often and laughing occasionally, but most things are still not amusing to me like they used to be.

 

Humor is one of our higher cognitive functions, so it may take a little longer to come back fully. I don't think there's anything we can do to force these things, watch things you enjoy or find interesting, your laughter will come back when its ready.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I've been struggling with extremely low motivation for two years now. It started as a side effect of drug use (though it could be a mix of that and depression-or rather, dysthymia).

 

Even the smallest tasks like brushing my teeth are a challenge.

 

For those of you dealing with this type of anhedonia, could you please share how you manage at work??

 

I'm very scared of not being able to keep up with school and soon work responsibilities.

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I was wondering if anyone else has only anhedonia and fatigue as their withdrawal symptoms? Is that even possible? I've had other symptoms at times. but they stabilized when I reinstated and slowed down.

 

The low motivation is unrelenting though. I had a 2 month window last year, but it has not abated again in 2 years of tapering, even though I've reached a very low dose.

 

I noticed most of you in this thread feel more the emotional numbness but somewhat less behavioral apathy. I am the opposite: my emotions are somewhat muted, but still there. I can experience small joys and smile. It's just not as intense. But the low motivation is extreme. I don't know how I can work like this.

 

Do you all just push yourself to do things anyway? Does it work? When I've tried, it's like everyday I have to push again. Or rather, every hour. In the past I was able to "go through the motions" without much motivation, but right now it is so extreme, I just don't know how.

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im in a very similar boat. Its not AS hard to push through as it used to be, and emotions have times where they are more blunted than others, but still...I would prefer a LOT of improvement. I too am on such a low dose now that I'm curious as to why this hasnt resolved yet. Motivation for anything Im not paid to do is below zero. I seem better once I get started...but its appalling. I have kids and two part time jobs so i have to push when I have no choice but if there's a choice the choice is no. All my other wd issues have long window periods...never this one. Its pretty much continuous.

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im in a very similar boat. Its not AS hard to push through as it used to be, and emotions have times where they are more blunted than others, but still...I would prefer a LOT of improvement. I too am on such a low dose now that I'm curious as to why this hasnt resolved yet. Motivation for anything Im not paid to do is below zero. I seem better once I get started...but its appalling. I have kids and two part time jobs so i have to push when I have no choice but if there's a choice the choice is no. All my other wd issues have long window periods...never this one. Its pretty much continuous.

 

Aberdeen,

 

Do you think your apathy started with SSRI use or with withdrawal?

 

You're doing better than me cause I couldn't do even paid work. Leave alone take care of kids.

 

When you say it's better than before: what do you think caused the improvement? Reaching a lower dose or time for healing from protracted withdrawal?

 

I feel for you. It's horrible this state.

 

Hugs,

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hello NB!

It started just before poop out on Effexor, so maybe it was a delayed side effect? I never had it in the 4 or 5 years i was on it before it pooped out. Hard to say, but wd certainly didnt help. I think time is more of a factor in the anhedonia (and anxiety and depression)healing than my Paxil taper has been, honestly.

 

The only things I attribute to Paxil use was bad brain fog,  letharigic, over weight, wanting to drink alcohol and overeat, and those things definitely resolved as I tapered.

I hope you feel better soon, its awful I know. You're getting there! 

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Aberdeen. I'm so tired of this. I can't even shower. It's been 4 years of feeling like this (2 of them tapering), and time is not helping.

 

If I don't get better soon, I will lose a lot of the stuff I worked hard building the last 5 years.

 

Have you ever worked with a naturopath or functional dr to see if maybe something can help?

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, I havent. Im honestly scared to try anything. I've seen people react so badly to supplements or this or that, and then spend more time recovering from the setback. I try to stay healthy, and involved best I can. I AM getting better though, its just very very slow. I think you will honestly have to wait until maybe you are off, and have time to settle your nervous system. its like the brain has said...enough..and powered down what it deems "non- essential services" for awhile. Maybe once you are done with the prozac taper you will find some improvement, and you dont have long now. With both tapers, your brain is just on a temporary vacation, but I think it will recover. I have some very primal pleasures that never totally faded on me and i used them..one thing was being cold and then warming up...we get cold winters, so standing by my woodstove or having a warm shower was comforting and made me "happy", also, certain scents, like lavender could break through the ice a little also. Simple and small, but any pleasure is welcome, even scratching my excema on my hands,lol, honestly, I would think...that feels good and i dont even care that Im making it worse, it feels good!!! Take whatever you can get!

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks Aberdeen! I agree about small pleasures. I try to "cultivate" those too. I'm trying to create a gratitude list daily in which I list those small pleasures and any small achievements.

 

I've read it can help retrain the brain to focus on those things and experience them more :)

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Do any of you with anhedonia have memory issues? i dont just mean crappy short term memory (I have that too, I can say something to someone and when they tell me later I have no recollection, or put something on my calendar and have no memory of doing so)..but I guess its like...memory "cues" they dont work. And the result is a lack of emotional continuity. For example...each season, I used to get memories of the previous years season, so when, say it was fall, i would remember the previous fall and some of the emotions or feelings that came with it, like the good smell of burning leaves, or the feeling of a cozy fire, memories of emotions i guess you could say. But in this state, fall arrives, and I obviously recognize the fact that this is not my first fall...however, there are no automatic memory cues that lead to any positive emotion?sense?feeling. Its like my mind simply says "Oh, my eyes and ears tell me its fall again, I suppose that means it will get colder now" and thats it. No "feeling". Yet when the anhedonia takes a break (and the breaks are often very short, flickers, even, moments, maybe hours) its a very different story. My mind automatically retrieves feelings, triggered by memories, nostaligia, ect. But the unnerving part of it is that when this happens, it is memories and emotions and so on, from 2009 and prior. Its like during wd, my brain has not packaged memories properly. Its not like I have a blank from 2009 to now...but its a very different thing. Its not just that Ive felt horrible in wd all these years so there simply arent very many positive experiences to draw on...its a very definitive void of emotional "pictures" to draw from. I wish I could articulate it better, but its like I slipped from a colour movie into a black and white set of 2 dimensional drawings, still, static pictures, rather than a fluid, vibrant world. It permeates everything from eating, smelling, touch, libido, music, movies, books, art work, nature...when you really think about it...emotion permeates every single experience we have, positive, negative, or neutral, they are all emotions. Anyway not sure if this makes sense. Just nice to share it with fellow sufferers. I often complain about my creative pursuits dying off but that because its the most easily explainable part about it...unfortunately, when recently discussing with a family memeber, the consensus was that I must really miss painting and the obvious solution was to just do it again. *sigh*. Or people just assume you are depressed. Not so...depression includes anhedonia but anhedonia does not necessarily include depression in my experience. I just want to engage so badly, I miss it so much, even after all this time, you would think we would forget it was ever any different but the flickers of normality  tell us otherwise. I so miss "being" alive in all its fullness, rather than 'acting" alive. Its exhausting. I feel like Im breathing recycled air and haven't been outside to take a full breath of fresh beautiful air in years...

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can totally relate to all of your threads.

 

I feel like a stranger to myself now.

 

This makes it very difficult to relate to all the people I knew, and my own family. I have been through too much and I am still trying to cope with this bizarre and awful new life. Not succeeding but inch by inch I will somehow get there.

 

You guys are my life line and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and kindness X

 

P.S my memory is now terrible and it used to be razor sharp. Worried about holding down a job.

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do any of you with anhedonia have memory issues? i dont just mean crappy short term memory (I have that too, I can say something to someone and when they tell me later I have no recollection, or put something on my calendar and have no memory of doing so)..but I guess its like...memory "cues" they dont work. And the result is a lack of emotional continuity. For example...each season, I used to get memories of the previous years season, so when, say it was fall, i would remember the previous fall and some of the emotions or feelings that came with it, like the good smell of burning leaves, or the feeling of a cozy fire, memories of emotions i guess you could say. But in this state, fall arrives, and I obviously recognize the fact that this is not my first fall...however, there are no automatic memory cues that lead to any positive emotion?sense?feeling. Its like my mind simply says "Oh, my eyes and ears tell me its fall again, I suppose that means it will get colder now" and thats it. No "feeling". Yet when the anhedonia takes a break (and the breaks are often very short, flickers, even, moments, maybe hours) its a very different story. My mind automatically retrieves feelings, triggered by memories, nostaligia, ect. But the unnerving part of it is that when this happens, it is memories and emotions and so on, from 2009 and prior. Its like during wd, my brain has not packaged memories properly. Its not like I have a blank from 2009 to now...but its a very different thing. Its not just that Ive felt horrible in wd all these years so there simply arent very many positive experiences to draw on...its a very definitive void of emotional "pictures" to draw from. I wish I could articulate it better, but its like I slipped from a colour movie into a black and white set of 2 dimensional drawings, still, static pictures, rather than a fluid, vibrant world. It permeates everything from eating, smelling, touch, libido, music, movies, books, art work, nature...when you really think about it...emotion permeates every single experience we have, positive, negative, or neutral, they are all emotions. Anyway not sure if this makes sense. Just nice to share it with fellow sufferers. I often complain about my creative pursuits dying off but that because its the most easily explainable part about it...unfortunately, when recently discussing with a family memeber, the consensus was that I must really miss painting and the obvious solution was to just do it again. *sigh*. Or people just assume you are depressed. Not so...depression includes anhedonia but anhedonia does not necessarily include depression in my experience. I just want to engage so badly, I miss it so much, even after all this time, you would think we would forget it was ever any different but the flickers of normality  tell us otherwise. I so miss "being" alive in all its fullness, rather than 'acting" alive. Its exhausting. I feel like Im breathing recycled air and haven't been outside to take a full breath of fresh beautiful air in years...

 

I have not experienced that precisely (or maybe I'm just less aware). However, it makes sense that if we don't feel pleasure/joy with the same intensity, we might also have difficulty attaching emotion to memories or cues that used to trigger emotion prior to this.

 

It also makes sense that if 2009 is when you started having muffled emotions, then you won't have memories that are emotionally charged during that period.

 

It all makes sense logically speaking, but not "emotionally" (no pun intended). I personally struggle more with motivation than emotion, but I sure don't feel joy to the same intensity I did in the past.

 

The uglier part is that lately the numbness is not acting on my negative emotions as much as it used to. I'm feeling loss and the anticipation of it regularly---but don't have the capacity for joy and hope that is part of normal emotional range, so it's harder to cope with the feelings of loss/pessimism/hopelessness.

 

The anhedonia is the worst symptom for me because it deprives me of my will to fight back all the other symptoms. I still have some of that will left and grab unto it for life to keep going---but it sure is much more difficult to fight when life has lost most of its meaning...

 

Big hugs dear :)

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"The uglier part is that lately the numbness is not acting on my negative emotions as much as it used to. I'm feeling loss and the anticipation of it regularly---but don't have the capacity for joy and hope that is part of normal emotional range, so it's harder to cope with the feelings of loss/pessimism/hopelessness."

 

I found that to be the same once my paxil dose got low enough. I could easily feel all the negative emotions, but not the positive ones, whereas when i was on the full dose i felt nothing in any direction, positive or negative. For you this could be a good sign, that the effects of the med are losing their grip. Its a step towards healing, however slow it feels.

As for motivation issues... I guess i link motivation with "excitement" and "anticipation" and call those emotions, but it is very hard for me to get interested in anything, and besides the basics, like caring for the kids and going to work and remembering to shower and take care of myself, there is zero desire to tackle anything else. I miss that part of myself, and I think its slowly slowly returning, but I'm more than ready for it to come back.

Hugs to you too, NB!!

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

I would love to read a success story where someone has gotten his/hers emotions back after reinstatement induced anhedonia.

Please, share if you know any?  :)

Citalopram 40mg from 2003-2015

Jan 2015 started tapering first dropped to 35mgFeb 30mg, March 25mgApril 20mg, May 17,5mg, June 15mgJuly 12,5mg, Aug 12,5mg,

Sep 0mg for 5 days because of stomac flu and after I raised to 7,5mg. All the symptoms of acute WD shaking, diarrhea, vomiting, barely could walk ect. Still didn't realize that it wasn't only stomac flu but I was also going through WD.

Oct 2,5mg and crashed again badly and quickly raised to 4mg. It was then when I knew my symptoms were due to WD.

Then in November after a month holding on 4mg raised to 5mg due to muscle weakness and had a VERY BAD reaction to reinstatement: akathisia(lasted for one or two weeks), insomnia, anhedonia... Drop quicly back to 4mg, Dec 3mg

Jan 2016 2,6mg( in the middle of Jan after I had been on 2,6mg for a week I tried to updose to 2,8mg and immediately had bad reaction to it: akathisia for a day, andehonia got worse. The next day dropped back to 2,6mg), Feb 2,4mg( a new symptom PGAD lasted 24/7 for 2 months after that on and off), March 2,4mg, April 2,3mg, May 2,2mg, June 2,1mg, July 2,0mg( Pgad almost nonexisting, sleeping pretty good, still some anhedonia but there has been a lot of gradual progress), Aug 1,97mg-1,89mg, Sep 1,88mg-1,49mg, Oct 1,48mg- 1,70mg,

Nov 0,65mg- current dose 0,5mg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would love to read a success story where someone has gotten his/hers emotions back after reinstatement induced anhedonia.

Please, share if you know any?   :)

 

I've had a big window that lasted like 2 months last summer. I've also had an improvement of 30-40% in my energy/motivation level in the last 6 months or so. This was in great part a result of changing my diet to healthier foods and pushing myself a LOT to do things that were good for me, no matter how I felt.

 

Currently looking into my genetics to find supplements and foods that can help my body heal faster.

 

So recovery is possible but it takes a lot of time (I only noticed it in year 3) and a lot of work in shifting to a healthier lifestyle that facilitates the body's own healing process (exercise and diet are key, but also staying engaged with life because it literally rewires the brain).

 

Hugs :)

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw other threads like this but they were all outdated. This symptom is the main reason I am tapering off Lexapro. I am unbelievably numb. I feel nothing. Its getting to the point where I am being cold and blunt to the people I interact with. I have no sympathy and I am hurting peoples feelings and that is not okay. Thats not me, I was always a person to put others feelings first. I dont want to be this person, this cold, emotionless robot. Can someone please help? How do I feel again? 

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans  to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

                                                                                                    Jeremiah 29:11                                                                           

 

​Past medications

  • Zoloft (1 year)
  • Prozac (1 month)

Current medication (tapering off)

Lexapro (9 months)

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it would give hope if someone could tell that she/he has gotten his/hers ability to feel strong emotions back after antidepressants induced andehonia.

 

Hello, success stories needed! Anyone? :)

Citalopram 40mg from 2003-2015

Jan 2015 started tapering first dropped to 35mgFeb 30mg, March 25mgApril 20mg, May 17,5mg, June 15mgJuly 12,5mg, Aug 12,5mg,

Sep 0mg for 5 days because of stomac flu and after I raised to 7,5mg. All the symptoms of acute WD shaking, diarrhea, vomiting, barely could walk ect. Still didn't realize that it wasn't only stomac flu but I was also going through WD.

Oct 2,5mg and crashed again badly and quickly raised to 4mg. It was then when I knew my symptoms were due to WD.

Then in November after a month holding on 4mg raised to 5mg due to muscle weakness and had a VERY BAD reaction to reinstatement: akathisia(lasted for one or two weeks), insomnia, anhedonia... Drop quicly back to 4mg, Dec 3mg

Jan 2016 2,6mg( in the middle of Jan after I had been on 2,6mg for a week I tried to updose to 2,8mg and immediately had bad reaction to it: akathisia for a day, andehonia got worse. The next day dropped back to 2,6mg), Feb 2,4mg( a new symptom PGAD lasted 24/7 for 2 months after that on and off), March 2,4mg, April 2,3mg, May 2,2mg, June 2,1mg, July 2,0mg( Pgad almost nonexisting, sleeping pretty good, still some anhedonia but there has been a lot of gradual progress), Aug 1,97mg-1,89mg, Sep 1,88mg-1,49mg, Oct 1,48mg- 1,70mg,

Nov 0,65mg- current dose 0,5mg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Hi MySelf and Reaching (love both your screen names) -- Yes the feeling come back, stronger then ever.  A few years ago I had severe anhedonia, I felt nothing for anything.  Over the course of my taper I have seen this improve.  Slowly at first then accelerating until today I'm feeling the full spectrum of emotions most of the time.  Read through my intro thread and you can get more detailed information:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3458-brassmonkey-talking-about-myself/page-1

 

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi MySelf and Reaching (love both your screen names) -- Yes the feeling come back, stronger then ever.  A few years ago I had severe anhedonia, I felt nothing for anything.  Over the course of my taper I have seen this improve.  Slowly at first then accelerating until today I'm feeling the full spectrum of emotions most of the time.  Read through my intro thread and you can get more detailed information:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3458-brassmonkey-talking-about-myself/page-1

 

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Thanks for sharing BrassMonkey!

 

Did your energy and motivation/apathy improve too? How far into the taper did you notice considerable improvement? I'm on year 3 tapering. Down to low doses (7mg Effexor and 7mg Prozac). I've seen some improvement on year 3, but still quite impaired. Brain is not as sharp as it used to be, still fatigued easily, still struggling with motivation (need lots of pushing).

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just my two cents here, as I am only a couple of months into my Zoloft taper.  I am feeling much more motivation after years of numbness.  I am coming up with new and creative ideas at work, which had totally stopped on Z. 

 

I have a better outlook on life in general now than whilst on Z, more joy, more fun, looking forward to tomorrow kinda stuff.  I was very dark and dreary on my full Z dose.  I was actually suicidal on it when I had never had those kind of thoughts prior to any SSRI.

 

I actually look forward to my taper continuing as I am hopeful that my life will be more joyous and emotional with less Z. 

 

I know the mods will say that I am still on a very effective dose of Z with high SERT occupancy.  So difficult taper days are coming.  But I really want to see how this plays out, for better (I hope) or worse. 

 

Everyone is different of course.  Prayers for all to receive a reprieve from the suffering of SSRIs and the dull, lifeless feeling that goes along with them.

Began Paxil for situational panic attacks in 2000. Then psych put me on Prozac to transition me to Lexapro in 2008. I forget the dosage of Paxil and Lexapro. Switched to100mg Sertraline since 2011.

 

75Mg taper began 06/21/2016. 67.5 mg taper began 07/10/2016. 61mg taper began 08/01/2016. 54mg taper began 08/24/2016. 48mg taper began 09/06/2016. 44mg taper began 09/20/2016. 40mg taper began 10/11/2016. 35mg began 10/25/2016. 25 mg began 11/15/2016.  20 mg began 12/03/2016.  12.5 mg began 12/22/2016.  DRUG FREE JANUARY 16, 2017!!

 

Began daily meditation 12/01/2016.  Very helpful!!

 

Prayer, always, and Acupuncture, as needed.<p>Isaiah 50:7 (NLT): Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be dismayed. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will triumph!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just my two cents here, as I am only a couple of months into my Zoloft taper.  I am feeling much more motivation after years of numbness.  I am coming up with new and creative ideas at work, which had totally stopped on Z. 

 

I have a better outlook on life in general now than whilst on Z, more joy, more fun, looking forward to tomorrow kinda stuff.  I was very dark and dreary on my full Z dose.  I was actually suicidal on it when I had never had those kind of thoughts prior to any SSRI.

 

I actually look forward to my taper continuing as I am hopeful that my life will be more joyous and emotional with less Z. 

 

I know the mods will say that I am still on a very effective dose of Z with high SERT occupancy.  So difficult taper days are coming.  But I really want to see how this plays out, for better (I hope) or worse. 

 

Everyone is different of course.  Prayers for all to receive a reprieve from the suffering of SSRIs and the dull, lifeless feeling that goes along with them.

 

This makes sense with my experience too. I believe if I had reduced my SSRI dose when I started feeling tired and unmotivated, the issue would have resolved immediately. Instead, incompetent/ignorant drs insisted it was residual depression and kept trying more meds.

 

Every new episode of depression, the SSRIs/SNRIs helped sedate the anxiety, but soon after the apathy/lethargy/fatigue started. Every time I stayed on the antidepressant at the same dose when I should have reduced dose and only taken it for a few months instead of a year.

 

It is not surprising then that when I was put on the max dose of Zoloft for 2 full years, the anhedonia got so bad that it has persisted even after I decreased my dose considerably. It went from a side effect to a lasting possibly reversible med-induced damage--because I stayed on it too long, for too high a dose, even though my body was showing signs that my brain had been changed for the worse (I needed a much higher dose this last time, which indicated some form of tolerance or negative brain adaptation to the drug...).

  • SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems.
  • Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313
  • 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg)
  • 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads
  • End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks.
  • 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions
  • 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved.
  • 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back;

  • October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks.

  • Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved.

  • Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads

    May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continuesSeptember 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold

  • Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses.

  • 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized.

  • 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 

  • 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time.

  • 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi MySelf and Reaching (love both your screen names) -- Yes the feeling come back, stronger then ever.  A few years ago I had severe anhedonia, I felt nothing for anything.  Over the course of my taper I have seen this improve.  Slowly at first then accelerating until today I'm feeling the full spectrum of emotions most of the time.  Read through my intro thread and you can get more detailed information:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3458-brassmonkey-talking-about-myself/page-1

 

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Hi Brassmonkey! Thank you so much for telling us your personal experience and giving us some insight. Your story is inspiring and makes me feel a bit better. I will definitely read your intro to learn more about your experience. Thanks again! 

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans  to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

                                                                                                    Jeremiah 29:11                                                                           

 

​Past medications

  • Zoloft (1 year)
  • Prozac (1 month)

Current medication (tapering off)

Lexapro (9 months)

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

After reinstating 20mg of Paxil to start a long taper, I was hit with severe anhedonia and emotional numbness (which I only experienced at a much lower level when I was on the Paxil for a decade, despite higher doses). From the forums, it seems that anhedonia is common during reinstatement.

 

I experience brief windows of time when the dopamine pathways start functioning again and suddenly I'm able to enjoy the small pleasures of life like music, sunshine, socializing, etc. Of course this seems to be a transient phenomenon, and I'm soon back to the lobotomized zombie state. These short windows seems to occur more frequently after a drop in dosage.

 

What I'm wondering is what to expect, i.e is it possible the anhedonia will slowly lift even before I'm off the Paxil completely as the dosage drops? I've looked at the SERT occupancy charts as a function of dose, and obviously large changes occur as you get into the single digits.

 

I'm at 8mg now and I'm hoping that once I get to 2-3mg, I'll really start to awaken and feel alive again.

 

Does anyone have experience to share? Did things get better regarding the SSRI apathy/anhedonia at low dose or did you have to discontinue completely before feeling like that lifted?

 

Thanks!

Medication before problems: Took Paxil 60-100mg from 2003 to 2014 for OCD.
1) Last pill taken November 2014, horrendous withdrawal started six weeks later.

2) Re-instated successfully @ 20mg May 2015, but accompanied by severe anhedonia, loss of emotion, apathy, and fatigue

3) Switched to Prozac, Viibyrd, Zoloft, Nefazadone, Cymbalta, Nardil in attempt at abating WD symptoms while not re-introducing anhedonia. Each one either failed to relieve WD or brought back anhedonia. So re-stabilized on Paxil at 15mg

4) Tapered down to 7.5mg as of October 2016. More energy, anhedonia/loss of emotions remains apart from short windows.

5) May 2017 - down to 3.5mg of Paxil (no other meds)
6) Early 2018 - added 8mg of Prozac
7) January 2019 - down to 1.05 Paxil / 5mg Prozac and continuing

8) October 2019 - down to 0.2mg Paxil / 3mg Prozac

9) November 2019 - down to 0.1mg Paxil / 3mg Prozac 

10) March 2020 - done with Paxil, 2.5mg Prozac

11) April 2021 - 0.03mg Prozac

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi! I am not fully healed from anhedonia yet...however, my experience has been very gradual. My anhedonia began during a period leading up to or perhaps *because of* a very intense poop-out. This crisis led to a rapid taper (basically a cold turkey in hindsight), a subsequent period of swapping different meds around to quell the chaos my CNS was in, and finally a slow 4+ year taper. I have now been off all meds for 3 months. Ive had anhedonia the entire time, with little windows here and there. I would say the anhedonia has improved much more this past year than any other period, and that since being off ive seen even more subtle improvements in motivation and the ability to read novels for example. Another thing is that from 20mg Paxil to 12mg or so, I had numbed emotions, so I didnt feel sadness, and was unable to cry. Also the anhedonia. The numbess/apathy faded away by the last 10mg, by then it was only positive emotions that were blunted but I could feel sad/angry and even cry again.

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy