☼ antoinette -- lexapro withdrawal

[antoinette]

Thanks nikki

[Altostrata]

Good for you, antoinette, you're doing so well.

 

If you have any specific CBT tips, we'd love to hear about them here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1101-best-cbt-techniques-for-anxiety-andor-depression/

[antoinette]

Thanks alto! I will do that!

[strawberry17]

Antoinette I'm so so happy for you, I know you really have had a hellish time.

[peggy]

what a great update!

 

giving up googling was a very good step - Dr Google thinks he knows it all and his bedside manner is dreadful.

[antoinette]

Thank you peggy and strawberry. It has been hell, and it will still be for awhile but ts ok ill make it. Im a hairstylist and this lady came in who is blind and she is the happiest most positive person. I thought to myself, here she is blind, never seen anything in her life, and she is so happy. Im sure she doesnt whine all day about it or google about others who are blind, no she accepts her life and works around it. Thats what we have to do. Its hell but we have to have acceptance and move on.

[flower]

I'm trying to accept all this but I'm still so d### mad..If I could just get over feeling sorry for myself and what I let happen to me..Geez ,whining again ..Sorry

[antoinette]

Hey guys i need advice....every month when my period comes im even more a mess than i already am. I was telling my gyno and he reccomended an iud. I dont know what to do but i cant handle these wd ramp ups! Any advice appreciated!

[areyouthere]

Dr Google thinks he knows it all and his bedside manner is dreadful.

 

If you had met his father you would understand.

 

 

Hey guys i need advice....every month when my period comes im even more a mess than i already am. I was telling my gyno and he reccomended an iud. I dont know what to do but i cant handle these wd ramp ups! Any advice appreciated!

 

My days of that are over.. thank God. I remember that roller coaster well. One thing though... I had an IUD put in without understanding how it works. Yeah. Shame on me. Fool me once ( let a Dr. put in an IUD without asking how it worked) and fooled me twice ( let a Dr. put me on drugs without asking how THEY work) fool me three times????? Hope not.

 

Anyway to me it made a difference. An IUD allows conception but not implantation. I harbor no ill will for anyone who goes that route but I was personally distraught when I found out after having it put in. Just another lesson in asking questions and then being skeptical of the "expert's" answers.

[strawberry17]

I had a Mirena coil (heavy periods here as well), it did help somewhat once it settled in, I know some people get on fabulously with them and swear by them. Unfortunately mine spontaneously expelled itself and it turned out I have fibroids so I can't have another one, it's worth checking with your doctor to see if you might have fibroids as well as they cause heavy periods, and I believe you can have them removed and then have an IUD fitted, but I'm in the UK and I've been told my fibroids aren't "big enough" for them to consider removing (probably just saving money for the NHS who knows) so I've been prescribed anti inflammatories which I take each month, which helps lessen the bleeding a bit (sorry if TMI). Hope that helps a little.

[antoinette]

Thanks guys, i was just hoping it would help with the dreadful moods on my period and bleeding, of course i had to go online and read every horror story on there!

[strawberry17]

Downside of the internet, the horror stories, all the good stories about things are harder to find.

[antoinette]

I agree .

[strawberry17]

Would you like me to delete those for you?

[antoinette]

Hello everyone. I would like to update since its been awhile. I will be 12 mos off June 19th since my cold turkey and adverse reaction going back on. I can say I'm doing much better. No I'm not healed but wow compared to what I was I'm doing great. Its very hard for me to concentrate so I'll try and write the best I can. At first in the hell I had akasthia, severe intrusive thoughts, ocd like symptoms, 3 hospitalizations due to my severe adverse reaction and last but not least the depression was so severe all I could think about was dying.

 

It has been a whirl wind of a year and how I ever got through was only by strength I had to find inside myself. The days were long and horribly dreadful, I would wake up wide awake at 4 or 5 and my heart would be pounding I would be in full terror for the day to come. I would pace, clean, cry in agony, and shake in sheer anxiety. I can tell you most of that has passed. Mornings were the worst now its night. I have no more cortisol mornings, but now night seems to be the worst. When I lay in bed my mind doesn't stop. It races so bad its almost painful. I know that will pass in time too.

 

I know why they diagnose so many in WD as "bipolar". I certainly have had the rage one minute and depression the next and then mania and happiness all within an hours time. I never ever thought I would be here writing this today , that I am healing and doing pretty well.

 

I can tell you one thing, and that is my life is so much better without drugs. I know me now. I always relied on that little pill for everything knowing it would take my problems away. I was a fat bloated emotionless fatigued person. Through my desperation, I had to learn coping skills and things to do to pass time and get through the day. I cook now when I want to feel accomplished and satisfied, take a walk when I'm feeling anxious, paint my nails or do something for me when I feel depressed. These have become habits now and a new life.

 

I'm so proud of how far I've come. I've seen hell, I've learned nothing will help besides passage of time, and changing your habits which change your life. You couldn't pay me to go back on the drugs. That wasn't living. I couldn't feel. There's no growth or change without feeling uncomfortable. Yes this was hell, but I would of never gotten my life back without it. I wish all of you the best in your healing. Xxxx

[Altostrata]

antoinette, what a wonderful report. Please keep us updated. I look forward to yours being a success story.

[antoinette]

Thank you alto xoxo...so much.

[strawberry17]

Thanks for sharing that Antoinette, I'm soooo happy for you, I remember how ill and how distressed you were months ago, your story gives other people hope.

[areyouthere]

Congrats man. Soooo happy for you!!! Thanks for reporting back to us !!! It gives us hope !

 

RU

[laurvic]

Totally gives me hope. I'm months behind you but in the same boat!

[Nikki]

What an inspiring post and so nice to hear from you. I kept thinking, wow she did it and she said she is better off without meds.

 

Thank you for sharing

 

Hugs

[antoinette]

Thank you everyone so much! I promise you can do it, and the rewards of this are so awesome. I'm still in it, but man o man it is so much better than what it was. Keep in keeping on, if I can do it, you guys most certainly can. Hope and healing to you all.

[laurvic]

I've been off almost 2 months and I am having windows but things feel surreal and I'm obsessively thinking. I don't like the way it feels. I'm trying to muster the strength after being on the lexapro for 8.5 years. How did you do this??

[antoinette]

Laurvic I was in lexapro for 10 years, went cold turkey in may, then reinstated in June only to have an adverse reaction. How did I do it? It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done. My "ocd" was at an all time high too. Even now I easily become obsessed with the littlest things and ruminate over and over. It is awful. I feel for you so much because I know the pain and terror it brings. I did get cbt therapy. The best thing I've ever done. I thought there was no way in hell it would help, and refused to go at first. The therapists would not stop begging me to come and eventually I gave in.

 

It teaches you wonderful skills, if you can get in do it!!!! You won't regret it. Also, I do a lot of distraction. Keep myself busy. When this first happened I was so depressed I didn't care about anything. I wished I wouldn't wake up. Now as soon as I get up I have a game plan if what I'm going to do for the day, without pushing myself of course. Listen to your body, be gentle. Learn to love yourself and pamper yourself, that will help you so much.

 

I would constantly Google and read all the horror stories. I learned to stop, everyone's story is different, don't compare. One thing that is huge for me, I made myself do normal things. Being around normal people. It is so easy to isolate yourself and in my deep deep depression that all i did. Now I do a cbt skill called opposite action. If I'm feeling really bad, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I still go to work, still meet up with friends etc.

 

Everything will fall into place and like I said become habits. This is about learning new things, rediscovering you, and learning to live without a drug. Today was a little rough, dismt get much sleep, but I took it easy, met a friend for decaf coffee, and sat out in nature in the sun. Those things make me feel good. Its all about nourishing ourselves. I'm always here if you need anything xxxx

[Rhiannon]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm thrilled to hear how far you've come and how well you're doing! Yay!

[antoinette]

Hello everyone,

its been a couple months since ive posted. Alot of things have gotten better, alot of things still the same or worse. My obsessional thoughts are terrible, mind racing, depression and anxiety. I have good windows and horrible waves. Its been 16 mos and I feel stuck. I am pregnant not planned, and my depression is at an all time high. My intrusive thoughts are terrifying. It takes all I have to get through the day. I cant enjoy my kids and am stuck on my phone all day. I was really doing good and thinking I was getting better and I think this pregnancy is making it worse. Im terrified for when the baby is born. I never had postpartum with my other 2 but I was also medicated. I do wonder if ive always had a mood disorder and depression before the drugs. I was always cycling in and out of depression and anxiety. Cbt has helped me a ton and I was managing but now this is unmanageable. Ive been very manic and making stupid decisions lately which has destroyed alot of decision making for me. So im stuck. Please I need advice. I cant stand living this way.

[antoinette]

***

[Petunia]

Hi Antoinette,

I'm sorry you have had a return of symptoms and are struggling again.  I can understand how worrying it must be with a baby on the way. 

 

Are you on any medications at the moment?  It would be helpful if you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature, that way members can easily see your situation and offer advice.  Instructions are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

I agree with you that the shock of an unexpected pregnancy, plus the change in hormone levels may have contributed to an increase in withdrawal symptoms.  Perhaps as you adjust to the idea and settle into your pregnancy, you will start to feel better again.

 

Petu.

[alex]

Antoinette, I am 15 months off today.A little behind you.

I can understand "exactly" how you feel.

I'm having good windows and very bad waves lately.

Some symptoms that I thought were gone, are here again.But maybe not as strong as they used to be.

It is hard to notice the difference when you are struggling and suffering.

You are young and I am old (60)

I am very scared too if I'll ever get my life back.

I keep the faith because I've been told that people get better and eventually heal from this horrible experience.

And I have seen improvement.

Unfortunately, the waves and windows are the nature of this beast.

 

Hang on, you are not alone.

[antoinette]

Thank u guys for replying, I will put my signature in. I am not on anything, thats the last thing I want to do, and I have never completely have had a full day where im ok, but have had days windows. When im in these waves, ita the worst possible thing unimaginable. As you guys know. I just do remember when I was on the meds and never hadd to deal with this anguish.

[Djones1984]

I am sorry you are having a return in symtoms this all really sucks and I feel for you I had a similar reaction back in april this year and have been messed up ever since. I am still on the drug at a low dose and I hate it I too spent some time in the hospital and on all kinds of differnt meds for bipolar, etc. I ended up on klonopin daily now and back on 5mg of celexa to try and stabilize. Hang in there it does get better! so you are off drugs completely now?

[antoinette]

Yes I am djones! Did u stabize after u went back on? Im so sorry for u too this screws with us for a very long time.

[antoinette]

Altostrata do you have any advice for me

[Altostrata]

antoinette, as Petu said, it may very well be the hormonal changes connected with pregnancy that are affecting you.

 

Try not to fear so for the future. You've done so well, have faith in yourself. You're having good windows still, that's a good sign.

 

Are you seeing a therapist with whom you can discuss your feelings?

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Antoinette,

 

Sending a cheery wave your way!

 

Have you looked into light therapy? The days are getting shorter....

 

I am weird this way, but looking into the worst sort of helps me. I "may or may not" have bipolar II, and I have gotten a lot of encouragement and info from the website psycheducation.org. The site's owner is a pdoc specializing in mood disorders. You have to overlook a lot of med stuff, but he offers a lot of lifestyle info.

 

Parenting through this crap is tough, tough, tough (my kids are 12 and 15) even without pregnancy...I really wish you and your family the best

[antoinette]

Alto and meimequest, thank you so much! Yes I am seeing a therapist she helos wonders, and did cbt as you know, which was a god send. Today, since im having a pretty good window, im not so fearful, last week was horrible. I guess I know how this all goes now, and am definitely healing, its just so hard to say when your in the thick of it.

 

I will worry about how I do postpartum wise when the baby gets here, ive learned so many tools to help me, and been through wd at its worst, I doubt I could ever feel any worse, and if I do, I will get through. Cbt has taught me the coping skills for times like these.

 

I do want to say, I am about 60 % better than I was a year ago today, so I just want everyone to know it does happen. Im just having a little rough time because of my hormones and have to remind myself of that, but like I said ive seen worse, this wont stop me.

Thanks again.