Jarden: One week of Lexapro, want off

[Jarden]

Hello, I am looking for advice. About a month ago a few stressful events sent me into fight or flight mode that didn’t pass, it’s still ongoing and my nervous system is sensitised. 
I got on lexapro 6 days ago, 3 days of 5mg, and 3 days on 7,5mg. I want off.

First three days I didn’t feel a lot effect, the last three days I’ve been feeling like I’m on extacy and then dropping very low in between doses. It is such a strong drug and I didn’t expect this. Now I also have insomnia. The whole thing is scaring me so much and I understand now that I was hasty in looking for a “quick fix” to my sensitised nervous system. Please help. 

I understand from this site that even its short time, it’s is essential to taper. 

 

Advice on how I should go about the taper?

Edited May 22, 2023 by manymoretodays
name to topic title

[Shep]

@Jarden Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

If you've only been on Lexapro for 6 days, it's safe to simply stop. It takes about a month to develop a dependency. It sounds like you may be having an adverse reaction, so that's even more of a reason to stop.

 

Is this your only experience being on a psychiatric drug?

 

Please set up a signature so we have your drug history at a glance. Here is how:

 

How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature

 

And here is a direct link to your signature:

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

Please continue to use this thread to document your recovery and to ask questions. 

[Jarden]

Thank you so much. Yes it is my only experience of starting something regular. I still want to ask, since my nervous system is already very sensitised from the stressful events, (had hard time sleeping already, and very strong anxiety), if I quit abruptly, even after “only” one week, there is danger of kindling? I am very sensitive to meds, and I could already feel how much this has affects my serotonine system (feeling the ecstacy like state, that almost pulled me out of anxiety and throw me back down, this went on for three days). I am so afraid of just stopping now and causing more damage to my nervous system. After a dose “wears off” my anxiety comes down so hard.. will I experience that even more if I quit now and for long?

[Shep]

On 5/23/2023 at 8:10 AM, Jarden said:

Yes it is my only experience of starting something regular.

 

What does this mean? Were you taking other psychiatric drugs as needed? If so, please list the names, the dose, and the start and stop dates, as best you can remember. 

 

Do you feel like you had an adverse reaction to Lexapro over this past week? When you started taking it, did you feel worse? 

 

One way to answer this question is to answer this question: How do you feel within 30 minutes of taking Lexapro?

 

 

[Jarden]

I did not take any other meds. I felt weird one hour after taking, and after few hours very very bad which then turned into the ecstacy feeling, and after that before the next dose felt again very bad. Doesn’t everyone feel bad at first? Reviews say that everyone feel worse at first, and to stick it out.. is the adverse reaction a sign that i should not be taking this? I feel like I don’t want to be on this med even if it would help me.. but it has slowed down my racing thoughts. Before I couldn’t focus on anything else, I was obsessed with reading about help and forgot what I read five minutes ago and reread about same things over and over. All day, for over a month.

Now I can a little bit better focus on calming myself and doing Something productive.

 

What are your thoughts of these meds, are everyone better off without them in the first place? 

 

I’m afraid if I keep taking the med and get off the med later, I will be back where I started? Any progress in calming my nervous system with time and by my own doing will be reversed?

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Jarden said:

Doesn’t everyone feel bad at first? Reviews say that everyone feel worse at first, and to stick it out.. is the adverse reaction a sign that i should not be taking this?

 

You may find this link helpful. While it's about Prozac, which was the first SSRI to be invented, it shows the problems inherent in the SSRI drugs.

 

The Guardian - They Said It Was Safe - Prozac trials and akathisia, an article from 1999

 

You may want to read Robert Whitaker's book, comes highly recommended here:

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic 

 

Here's a short video by the author:

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic - Robert Whitaker - VIDEO

 

4 hours ago, Jarden said:

 

What are your thoughts of these meds, are everyone better off without them in the first place?

 

I can't tell you what to do or if everyone would be better without these drugs in the first place. That has to be your decision. 

 

My only insistence is that people are given informed consent. Are the drugs dangerous? Well, many people develop akathisia from them. Akathisia is potentially very dangerous. Also, in the long run, the drugs are connected with a chronic and poor outcome. And people use the drugs instead of learning non-drug coping strategies, such as the ones listed here:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

5 hours ago, Jarden said:

I’m afraid if I keep taking the med and get off the med later, I will be back where I started? Any progress in calming my nervous system with time and by my own doing will be reversed?

 

Yes, this is all true. You may also be stuck on a drug that may be causing an adverse reaction but at that point, you may also be dependent on. 

 

You may want to go ahead and stop this drug and work on some non-drug coping strategies, as listed in that link I just posted. If you find they work, great. Problem solved. And if they don't, you can read Robert Whitaker's book and do the research to decide if these drugs are right for you. At least you'll go into it with informed consent. 

 

You'll likely find that adding in non-drug coping strategies, improving your diet so you're only eating healthy foods and drinking plenty of water, getting exercise, having hobbies and developing friendships, etc. will all get you to a better place than numbing yourself with potentially dangerous drugs. Finding meaningful employment and having a healthy work/life balance can also aid in feeling good. 

[Jarden]

Thank you so much again for you reply. I was going to get off the meds, but then something happened in our family and I decided with the help of a friend that I should stay on the meds and let it stabilise as I already have sensitized nervous system. 
however on that day I took only 2.5 mg and it was about 9 hours later than I usually take my 5 mg. The next day (yesterday) I felt a knot in my chest and more anxiety and horrible. I took then 2.5 in the morning and 2.5 in the night, so 5 mg in all yesterday. I felt horrible through and still do this morning. 
Did I do some kind of kindling with this..? I don’t know what to do now to make this better.. I’m afraid to keep taking if I’m now having more a bad of a reaction to the med but if I stop abruptly I feel like that will be death of my cns.

 

this will be my 13th day

[Shep]

With only 13 days use, you likely are not dependent on this drug yet. 

 

You'll need to decide if you want to stay on it or not.  You could do a rapid taper off if you don't want to stay on it. I would get off it before the three week mark to ensure you don't develop a dependency. 

[Faure]

As Shep says, after only 13 days you are likely not yet dependent on this drug. It would be very wise to stop now, before things get potentially worse for you, especially if you are having a adverse reaction. 

 

I suggest looking at Mad in America and also Joanna Moncrieff’s website. There are much better ways to cope with whatever is happening to you. I am now stuck on an anti depressant while I taper it over 4-5 years. I promise you, you do not want to have to do that. Had I known about WD and how long it takes to get safely off when I started it I very much doubt I’d have gone ahead and taken that first pill. It has ruined my life for the past 3 years as it’s made me completely exhausted and unable to live life as I want. 

[Jarden]

Thank you, I appreciate you both so much.

 

I want to tell the whole story, read if you’re interested.

 

I have CPTSD. This is not my first breakdown. I am 37 now, my fist breakdown was at 22, second one at 29. In between these I have built myself up again with my bare hands. First time I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to keep on living. After couple of years I started having some sense of stability again, and then I just got better and better by living consciously, going through my feelings, giving my all to my studies, working on relationships. At the peak of feeling my best I broke down again because I got too much stress at once. 

 

I worked myself up again by keeping to myself, having extremely rigid routines, started small with simple activities and tasks, nonetheless being occupied all waking moments. If the mind is used for learning and doing, the cns start to feel safe in the routines, and heals alongside the activities. (Holy grail of dp)

 

The first years consisted of feeling like I couldn’t take another millisecond of the dread I was feeling constantly, nonetheless I kept to my activities relentlessly, as I knew it was the only way to get better. 

Also I was alone for the first years, as talking to someone made me crash. Basically anything that differed from my routines made me go backwards.

I didn’t know if healing was possible for me, but as I noticed that I had gone backwards the first time, I realised I must also have gone forward before it. I then knew I was going forward.

Slowly, after about 1,5 years of routine I started to feel more stable normalcy, could slowly start having relations with people again.

 

After about 3-5 years I was already thriving. 

During the time of building myself up I could increase the difficulty of the tasks I made myself do. In the third year, I could start studying for a second degree, it wasn’t painful anymore to do the tasks, it wasn’t painful anymore to exist. Then later in 4th year I got employed with my dream job. I thrived. 

 

Then too much stress came at once, and here we are.

When I have a breakdown I am down to zero. I have the mental capacity of an infant, if even. No joy, cannot watch a show, cannot listen to music. 

I lose all my relations. 

 

I tried accepting it for over a month, tried to calm myself down naturally, but I knew from before, the battle is already lost once I breakdown. 

 

This time, I wanted to see if I could save my brain from being destroyed by the adrenaline in the breakdown. 

 

Also at a third breakdown at 37 I was thinking I can just drug myself by now, I don’t wanna go through the years of living hell I Know would ensue from the breakdown. But ofcourse I want to be happy and not “just drug myself”. 

 

I was desperate, I am desperate. 

 

If I’m without drugs I Know I can heal and feel gradually less dread with extreme routines and very little to no contact to people maybe in about three years.

 

I wanted to see if maybe I wouldn’t have to go through that if I take the drugs.

 

If I can feel better now. If I didn’t have to lose everything. 

 

With drugs it’s so unpredictable. I don’t know if they work like this, or if they could save my brain. If they would work like this, I don’t know what happens down the line if they stop working or if I want/need to get off, what hell will ensue. I don’t know can I get well with them, or will they make me not able to heal. 

 

A wise advice I got sometime “always ask yourself, will this make me happy down the line”

[Jarden]

15 hours ago, Shep said:

You could do a rapid taper off if you don't want to stay on it.

Could you please explain what is a rapid taper? 
This morning my dreams ended in stabbing something and when I woke up I couldn’t think straight. Now when I drift off for a few seconds my inner visions go again to some cutting. This is not me.
I have to get off.

[Faure]

Hi @Jarden, I’m sorry to hear you have ptsd and have had breakdowns. I have had so many breakdowns I have lost count. I was on and off anti depressants for about 15 years. From my early 20s to when I was about 40 I was searching and searching for “what was wrong with me” and I saw about 4 therapists. It wasn’t until the final one that I finally started to get to the root of the problem and find out not “what is wrong with me”, but “what happened to me”. Facing that and dealing with it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But doing that has meant so much more stability and happiness for me since. Unfortunately my latest encounter with anti depressants was shortly after the reasons for my anxiety, depression and breakdowns came to light and I got so unwell because I realised a very close family member was to blame for a lifetime of struggle and mental illness. Not only that but they continued to behave in the same way toward me. 
 

Anyway, I suppose I am telling you all this because I believe the way through the problem I had was finding out what it was, and that took a long time because previous therapists while helpful didn’t fully listen to me and help me find out what was wrong, facing and talking about the feelings (I was lucky in that I could do that with those who had caused the damage) and, eventually, getting through to the other side. 
 

One of the main things I learned with the last therapist was what “needs” are and how to meet mine. I too used to push myself and push myself until eventually it would all get too much and I’d breakdown. But the therapist told me it didn’t have to be that way and I clung onto her till I’d learned what I had to do to stay well. It sounds like you’ve tried so hard to carry on and get through things, have you had therapy throughout this battle? I was going to try EMDR until I realised I am ok now, so if you haven’t heard of that it might be worth looking into. It’s supposed to be really good for ptsd. 

 

Meditation is something I do almost daily now and that helps keep me from getting too carried away with things. It helps me realise how I’m feeling and plan my day accordingly. 

 

I’m really sorry you have had another breakdown, I know how soul destroying it is. 
 

If this drug is causing you so many problems then it’s ok to just stop it, before you create a dependency and / or upset your poor brain even more. 

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Jarden said:

Could you please explain what is a rapid taper? 

 

Reduce 25% today, 25% tomorrow, 25% the next day and then stop. 

 

@Faure is giving wise advise. 

 

You may want to look into finding a trauma-informed, mindfulness based therapist (someone who can't prescribe these drugs) and work on learning non-drug coping techniques, along with some basic lifestyle skills. It sounds like you do very well for long periods of time, get overwhelmed and then spiral downhill. If you can catch the earliest signs of being overwhelmed and find ways to stop the spiral, you can handle these stressors in a way that doesn't derail your life. These are things that can be learned. That's much better than numbing yourself with drugs. 

 

Please note: if you are having an adverse reaction to this drug, you may be sensitive to a lot of psychiatric drugs. These types of sensitivities and inabilities to properly metabolize psychiatric drugs lead a lot of people to end up with more severe psychiatric labels and additional drugs added to dampen down the side effects / adverse reactions. Statistically, most people with a "bipolar" label were first exposed to an antidepressant that lead to side effects like akathisia (an inner sense of restlessness). The best way to avoid this is to avoid these drugs. You can read more about this in the book I linked to earlier, Robert Whitaker's Anatomy of an Epidemic. 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2023 by Shep
added more information

[Jarden]

Thank you both again. 

 

Today will be the last day of this evil drug, I did the quick taper.

 

I am sorry for your hardships, and I am truly relieved that you are now in a better place. 

 

I have not had therapy, but I am now in the process of finding a therapist that would be a match for me. I don’t know though, as I come of this drug I don’t know what will happen, best case I will be back to the adrenaline frantic state I was in before starting, hopefully not worse. In that state though I don’t know if talking to a therapist is possible, and I might have to postpone therapy until I have hopefully managed to calm myself down some during the coming months. 

 

You say you were lucky you were able face your feelings and to talk to those who caused you the damage. Did you find it helped to talk to them, did it change the situation and there came healing from this? 

I have done the same since this breakdown, I now have all my feelings out in the open and I can’t even help myself, all the trauma I experienced just come pouring out to the people that have caused me it, (because I’m staying with them right now). There has been some healing, when they understood me and received it. Other times they became defensive which traumatised me more. But I know coming from this severe of a state, it is hard to receive me with open heart continuously, and I need  to handle my own state.

 

Thank you for your altruism, kind words and your advice. I will take it all to heart.

 

Please, if you feel inclined, pray for me. I don’t have a lot of power to give right now but when I get better I’ll pray for you too, and I will be forever grateful for your instructions and advice.

You did part in saving me.

[Faure]

I’ve responded by PM. I recommend this meditation to calm you down. It helps me no end.  

[Shep]

5 hours ago, Jarden said:

Today will be the last day of this evil drug, I did the quick taper.

 

Please add your stop date and the dose you stopped at into your signature. 

 

Let us know how you're feeling over the coming days and weeks. Hopefully as the drug leaves your system, you'll feel relief from the side effects. 

[Shep]

5 hours ago, Jarden said:

I have not had therapy, but I am now in the process of finding a therapist that would be a match for me. I don’t know though, as I come of this drug I don’t know what will happen, best case I will be back to the adrenaline frantic state I was in before starting, hopefully not worse. In that state though I don’t know if talking to a therapist is possible, and I might have to postpone therapy until I have hopefully managed to calm myself down some during the coming months. 

 

Holding off on therapy until you're feeling up to it sounds wise. You may want to check out some of Daniel Mackler's videos. He's a former therapist - and a critic of a lot of what's going on in the world of therapy. 

 

Do Some People Need Therapy? — Analysis by a Former Psychotherapist video (12 minutes)

 

He has a "self-therapy" playlist with practical tips and insights:

 

Self-Therapy and Healing from Childhood Trauma - video playlist

 

[Jarden]

Help me.. I’ve been off for two days, I still took 1 mg three days ago.

I cannot stand this, my condition is completely unbearable, I cannot stand another second.

 

what happens if I reinstate now?

Can I reinstate a tiny amount? I’m thinking to be on 2,5 mg.. at least then I can/could breathe.

[Faure]

I’m really sorry you feel so bad that it feels you can’t face another second. That is awful. I had three months like that several years ago, plus during every other episode I ever had. 
 

My opinion is that you should not reinstate. You did not have a positive reaction to this medication and taking it again is very unlikely to improve things and fairly likely to make things worse. Further, taking it sporadically and in different doses will really confuse your brain and cause more instability. You are not only upset by your ongoing issues, but your body and brain have been more upset by the medication.
 

If you reinstate now your body will be further upset (it doesn’t like the drug) and you will likely feel more bad than you do at the moment. I would advise bearing the unbearable feelings even though I know it feels like you can’t.  You will get through this. My issues caused me to be so scared of my feelings I did anything I could to avoid them.  Facing them is really hard, but it does make things better in the long run. Perhaps, if you can afford it or if someone will pay you could start trauma therapy and see if that helps. Do look at EMDR, it is supposed to be really good. 
 

It may be that you don’t react well to the SSRI group of psychiatric medications, or maybe you will react badly to all of them.  I don’t tolerate SSRIs either. That is why I was prescribed mirtazepine. You can read about my experiences here. 
 

I really hope you get some relief soon x

Edited June 5, 2023 by Faure

[Shep]

@Jarden What @Faure wrote is spot on:

 

19 hours ago, Faure said:

My opinion is that you should not reinstate. You did not have a positive reaction to this medication and taking it again is very unlikely to improve things and fairly likely to make things worse. Further, taking it sporadically and in different doses will really confuse your brain and cause more instability. You are not only upset by your ongoing issues, but your body and brain have been more upset by the medication.

 

I would stop the reinstatement and look for non-drug ways of healing from this. 

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

When adding in or subtracting supplements, we advise only making one change at a time and in small increments. Please see:

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

 

Instead of continuing on trying to reinstate, you may want to add in a bit of magnesium first and maybe a bit of fish oil. 

 

Please let us know how you do. 

[Jarden]

I hear your words but I can’t heed. I can’t go through this again. Last time it took months of extreme work to feel interest in something, more months for music to start to sound right. Last time I built myself up, directing myself towards building myself up, every minute of every day, feeling like I was on fire from hell. Like I couldn’t take another millisecond. Alone. For months and years. I can’t do it. 
 

After 4 days on Lexapro I could find interest in something. 
There just isn’t a choice. 
 

I will be on 3 mg, to help me, while I build myself up again, and hopefully someday I can get off. I’ll be back to this page when that time comes. 
 

Thank you for your interest and time, I so appreciate it.

[Jarden]

So I reinstated 3 weeks ago. After about 3 days of being off it. It doesn’t have the same effect this time. It has the opposite effect. I have been in severe agony of depression that I didn’t have before. Been crying, feeing horrible, and continuing.

 

After I came off it I went back to the sensitised state of my nervous system, or worse, and could barely look at my phone. After I reinstated it calmed that abit. 
 

It feels like my brain is rejecting the meds this time, I had severe brain fog in the beginning and had almost pain I’m my head in conjunction with that I couldn't focus.

 

I can’t stop the meds, because of the severely sensitised state it masks. 
 

But I am at a loss.

 

[Jarden]

I know you don’t give medical advice. But when I started again I wanted to stay at 3 mg, but was just feeling horrible, so I went to 4 and 5 mg but felt much worse. So I stayed at 4 mg but it’s just continuing to be horrible. It feels like I’m rejecting the meds, and my body hates them. 
 

The reason I went on lexapro was to calm the fight and flight, as it did in the first days I started it in may. Then when I stopped and started I got severe depression I didn’t have before, and it just gets worse, vacillating from day to day. 
 

I was thinking since it’s calmed the panic and severely sensitised state after just first few days, could I just take a really low dose to keep that masked, and it would maybe let up on the depression? It feels like it’s just doing too much or like my body does not want this medication.

[Jarden]

Or would you have any other advice? Change medication, anything? Panic is returning now. I am at such a loss. 
 

I also want to say that the panic/fight and flight happened just two months ago, so it is still very much there, covered up alittle by the medication. It is not resolved, and going off the medication is not possible. Last time it resulted in sheer panic and I also went to the er.

[Shep]

 

@Jarden It sounds like you're having an adverse reaction to this drug. You can continue to take it if you want, but expecting your system to adjust to a drug that's making you sick probably isn't going to end well. 

 

How is your diet? Do you avoid caffeine, sugar, and alcohol and get plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables? Are you drinking plenty of water throughout the day? Going for a daily 30 minute walk in the sun, weather permitting, each day? 

[Jarden]

Thank you for always replying. I really don’t know what to do, I can’t be without it and I can’t be on it. 
 

Yes, I am doing all those things, too terrified not to. Since my breakdown I’m doing everything to point. Anything productive outside those mandatory routines is however very hard. I feel like I’m in a candle in a storm when trying to do anything.

[Jarden]

I don’t know if I had an adverse reaction the first time I started taking the drugs. Yes, it was up and down, but I was feeling better and better and at the end of two weeks before I jumped off, I felt quite stable and considered continuing, but was afraid of having to taper and all other things about being on a drug. 
 

However I regret so much coming off. After starting again it might very well be an adverse reaction I’m experiencing. Since three weeks on again I’ve had some glimpses of what the drug did first time but other than that just horrendously depressed, like I was not before. Last week nothing but depression.
 

I’ve understood that coming off caused an extreme shock to my system. and going back on after three+ days could to little to rectify the situation. Now my body is just trying to find equilibrium, but from my past experience, when feeling this degree of sensitisation, it will take months and months to stabilise. 
 

Even if this is now this time adverse reaction, can I stabilise through it? Since the med worked first time? Now I’m anyway on the med and can’t do any changes.

[Shep]

I don't know, Jarden. If you want to continue taking psychiatric drugs, please work with your doctor. We're a site for people who wish to taper and live drug free.