Blackjacklv - Surviving Postpartum Depression/Anxiety

[blackjacklv]

My story starts with the delivery of my lovely daughter in 2011. I had a wonderful pregnancy and expected nothing but a perfect delivery... but that is where my story of perfection ended. I had a very difficult delivery and extremely difficult recovery. 6 weeks of pain, crying and not bonding with my child left me beaten down, depressed and seeking an answer to why I wasn't in new parent bliss like everyone else who had just had a baby. I had an ok OB, but an amazing spouse that suggested I had postpartum depression and needed some help to get me out of this awful fog. I found a post-partum support group started on 25mg of Zoloft and began to feel like myself again. I started dealing with the fact that not only did I have ppd, but I likely also had some post traumatic stress from my delivery. Life was getting easier slowly but surely.

 

I went back to work in October of 2011 thinking I was better and could go back to life as usual. However I quickly began to struggle with feelings of being overwhelmed and not good enough. I felt like a failure and didn't know why. No amount of talking would help. I was also still breastfeeding so my hormones were all off to add it. I had it in my mind that I just HAD to breastfeed for 1 year. I was able to accomplish that but it definitely came at a mental price.

 

In December of 2011 I was sick of being on the meds and since I felt good did what most people do the first time and taper off WAY too fast. I got my taper advice from my doctor, who really didn't know anything about tapering, and started the wean down. As soon as I got off them I went back on them due to the withdrawal symptoms. Dizziness, emotional outbursts, feeling foggy, etc.... so my dr suggested I just wasn't ready to go off them. Never once did he mention that it might have been withdrawal symptoms. Started back on 25mg Zoloft and felt better instantly.

 

In March of 2012 I thought that maybe I was ready now to go off of the meds and started to wean down again just like I had before thinking I would have different results. So, so wrong.... with some added work stress I spiraled out of control and actually got pulled out of work on disability to deal with all this mess. My Dr. upped my dose to 50 mg of Zoloft but I was still experiencing a lot of anxiety so he changed my meds to 10 mg of Lexapro. I stopped the Zoloft one day and started the Lexapro the next. I got into some more counseling and stopped breastfeeding. For the first time since my daughter was born I have started to feel like myself again.

 

I do think that the Lexapro has created a dulled down version of prior myself which I in fact kinda like. I am naturally a type A person with high expectations of myself and on AD's I just let things slide a lot more. I am still an active and productive individual, but just with a lot less emotional ups and downs.

 

My husband and I would like to have a second child so I have decided that I need to get off the Lexapro in order to do so. I have never had depression before in my life and think that what I went through was due to the birth of my daughter and the circumstances surrounding it. I am now however terrified to wean down off of Lexapro due to the reaction I had from the two other wean downs I tried previously with the Zoloft. I am super thankful that I found this site to educate me a little bit on what a very slow wean down would look like! I have an appt with my Dr. tomorrow and feel like I can have a discussion about what I want my wean down to look like and see how he can support me in that. I am going to try the 10% reduction and take it day by day. It is more important for me to get off the meds slowly and safely than to rush it just to get pregnant.

 

I have read how to wean down from Lexapro on this site, but any advice on anything else I should be doing, like supplements, would be greatly appreciated. Also any questions you think I should ask my doc would be great too.

 

Thanks for the support!

[peggy]

welcome blackjacklv..

 

I can relate so much to what you have been through. My first experience with depression was PPD after my first - it also was a very difficult delivery of a very big baby, i was cut from here to there, it hurt to sit, stand and everything else!!! Difficulty breast feeding, settling the baby, a baby with reflux AND colic and a very young, inexperienced and unsupported me!!! None of my friends had children and i had NO idea. I don't know what i was thinking!!!! I couldn't sleep, lost heaps of weight, was anxious and uncertain. It all sort of cleared up by around 8 weeks - i can't remember how, it was a long time ago, but i didn't take medication. IT happened again after number 2 and number 3 - i was so worried about it that i think i almost talked myself into it.

Since then i have had another few episodes - all without medication and all self limiting of about 6 months each. I had an episode in 1999 that was quite severe and i went on antidepressants, and haven't been able to get off - every time i came off i would get depressed again, thinking it was a relapse, when in fact it was probably withdrawal. So, now i am slowly withdrawing. It will probably take me another couple of years, but at this point it's better to do it right!

 

My advice is just to go slow - start off with 10% off your dose and stay there for at least a month after you don't have any symptoms and then take another 10% off your reduced dose. I take fish oil as my only supplement. And i eat very well, try to get the right sleep, don't drink alcohol and exercise about 4 times a week - i walk, swim and do yoga.

[blackjacklv]

Thank you Peggy for your support! It's nice to know I am not alone :-) People are still confused as to what PPD actually is. I get asked regularly when I share what I have been going through if I have wanted to hurt my baby. Ummmm no... I did not suffer from postpartum psychosis... thankfully!

[peggy]

you are certainly not alone - back then there was very little support - or even acknowledgement of PPD past the 3 day baby blues- the clinic nurse told me to have a glass of wine with dinner and i would be fine I really think a support group would have helped me a lot - if someone had told me that it was probably a result of hormone changes and exhaustion and it was OK to feel like this i think i might have come through a lot earlier. But i was all alone, my mother even told me 'don't be ridiculous'!!

 

you know, i am also a typical type A personality - but I am learning to be OK with letting things go - i am human so therefore cannot be perfect.

[Altostrata]

Welcome to our community, Blackjacklv.

 

I second what peggy said, fish oil (with 400IU vitamin E a day) is a good place to start with supplements that can help you get into shape. Look around in our Symptoms and Self-Care forum, there are more suggestions there to help you make the transition to your drug-free life.

[blackjacklv]

I'm down to 8mg now and feeling fine... no withdrawl symptons yet. I am hopeful that I am taking it slow enough.

 

I remember reading about an algae based Omega 3 and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on that? I really can't figure out what brand to take.... I just don't want the fish burps.

[strawberry17]

Hi Blackjacklv, thanks for the update, sounds like your taper is going well, are you using liquid or cutting tablets? (I don't really know much about lexapro), just remember not to rush anything! Hopefully someone will come along with info about the fish oils, I'm in the UK so I get different ones probably.

[peggy]

nice to see you are doing well Blackjacklv - i see you didn't stay a long time on 9mg before dropping to 8mg - be careful as reductions can catch up with you..maybe stay on 8mg for 3 -4 weeks before dropping again.

[blackjacklv]

I am using liquid now since I can get an exact measurement. I was lucky in that the generic version of Lexapro was just relased in the liquid form the week I got my prescrption. My online pharmacy vendor had to actually order it since my perscrption was the first request. The generic is making it very cheap for me! Thankfully.

 

I was just thinking about how long it would take for the drop in dosage to take an impact or for me to notice it. I haven't noticed anything yet, but you think I could? The only thing I can tell is that at times I have a hard time getting the correct words out of my mouth. I didn't know if that was a withdrawl sympton or just me being dumb?

Peggy you ever heard of this?

 

I will try to stay at 8mg for at least a few weeks. I'm sure like most I am just anxious to get off this stuff now that I am dropping so it's hard not to want to speed the process up.... *sigh*

[Barbarannamated]

Blackjack,

 

Yes, word finding (aphagia) seems to be common. It will improve. Here's a brief discussion with mention:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2476-trouble-spelling/page__fromsearch__1

[peggy]

Blackjacklv - it is very common for different withdrawal effects to emerge at different times - for me, i get some minor head spins, gut stuff and poor sleep in the first few days - but anxiety and depression can kick in at 3 weeks- that does seem to be a common report, so it really would be better to wait - it usually pays off in the end as you are less likely to have to updose - and of course less likely to experience symptoms - think of tortoise and hare - many times the tortoise wins

[Karma]

I am using liquid now since I can get an exact measurement. I was lucky in that the generic version of Lexapro was just relased in the liquid form the week I got my prescrption. My online pharmacy vendor had to actually order it since my perscrption was the first request. The generic is making it very cheap for me! Thankfully.

 

I was just thinking about how long it would take for the drop in dosage to take an impact or for me to notice it. I haven't noticed anything yet, but you think I could? The only thing I can tell is that at times I have a hard time getting the correct words out of my mouth. I didn't know if that was a withdrawl sympton or just me being dumb?

Peggy you ever heard of this?

 

I will try to stay at 8mg for at least a few weeks. I'm sure like most I am just anxious to get off this stuff now that I am dropping so it's hard not to want to speed the process up.... *sigh*

 

Hi Blackjacklv

 

It sounds like not being able to get the correct words out could be early withdrawal symptoms ... I know how badly you want to be off of these meds, but you'll do yourself a favor by giving yourself a good 4 weeks at this current dose before making another decrement. I recommend tracking and rating symptoms so that you can see if you are starting to have withdrawal symptoms http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1779-rate-symptoms-daily-to-catch-withdrawal-early/.

 

The pmeds can have a cumulative effect when we are withdrawing from them. Last fall I was reducing by 6.25 mg of Effexor every 2 weeks and thought I was going to be off of Effexor by the end of the year. The cumulative effect of the every 2 week reduction caught up with me and it was ugly and uncomfortable for a bit. I had to up-dose, get stable and come off more slowly.

 

We recommend holding your first dosage for 4 weeks, the next for 4 weeks ... if that all goes well try 3 weeks in your next decrement and then ultimately you could then try holding the dose for 2 weeks. Remember to reduce by 10% or less with each reduction unless that proves to be too much ... and then there is nothing wrong with reducing by a lesser amount with each reduction.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[blackjacklv]

Thank you karma, peggy and barbarannamated for the responses! I am thankful to have the feedback so I can have a better grap on what looks like a withdrawl sypmtom. I am going to hold steady at 8mg for the next month. That checklist is great and I am going to print it out, so thank you!

[blackjacklv]

I dropped another 1 mg on the 12th of this month and the only real side effects I might be noticing would be headaches that first week after the drop. However the weather has been changing so that could be the cause of the headaches too. I have had migranes since my early 20's so headaches are a normal part of my exsistence. I am going to drop another 1 mg tomorrow so and I will watch to see if the headaches start up again. Other than that no mood swings, dizziness or zaps. Praying my body will continue to tolorate the 1mg every 2 week drop. We wanted to start trying for baby #2 at the start of the year, but I won't take the risk while I am on this stuff....

[peggy]

good to hear you are going well blackjacklv - but be cautious here - you are dropping more than 10% at intervals of only 2 weeks - we all understand the need to get off quick - but what time you gain by going a bit faster you may lose ten fold if you have to updose and stabilise again - in the long term view, at this point you want to be super careful.

[Altostrata]

I second what peggy said. As you get lower in dosage, a 1mg drop is a larger and larger percent of the total.

 

What you want to do is decrease at 10% of the last dosage. The decreases get progressively smaller. This enables your nervous system to accommodate to the changes.

 

How about a .5mg drop next? You can keep doing this until you get to under 5mg.

[dalsaan]

Yes please keep in mind that the lower you go the bigger each ml drop represents in percentage terms. So when you were at 10ml, a 1ml drop = 10%. When you are at 5ml, a 1ml drop = 20% This is really taking a risk. I know you are keen to get off and I understand why but you want to get there in good shape. In fact you want to be in great shape so that you can manage all the changes that pregnancy brings. I know its worked ok so far but each time you do it you are taking a bigger risk.

[blackjacklv]

What is it about going under 5mg that it would make it ok to drop faster than 10%, which is what you are recomending right now. So then if I dropped .5 mg every two weeks until I get under 5 then that would be better?

[Altostrata]

What I meant was, rather than painstakingly measure 10% of the last dosage for each drop, you could decrease by .5mg until you get to less than 5mg, then make smaller decreases by 10% or less of the last dosage for each drop.

 

For example, reduce by .5mg until you get to 4.5mg. At that point, .5mg would be greater than 10%. You might decrease by .25mg until you get under 2.5mg, then reduce by .10mg.

 

When you are reducing by .10mg, you might find you can make reductions more frequently than every 2 weeks (a micro-taper).

 

This just saves you the calculations. If you'd rather calculate 10% of each dosage, you can do that, too.

[blackjacklv]

Just wanted to give a little update on my taper. I have been dropping .5mg every week or so. I just kinda feel it out and decide when it feels right to drop again. I am down to 3mg and haven't felt this great in a long time. I will drop to 2mg Friday or this coming weekend. I didn't realize how much the lexapro had diminished my motivation until I dropped under 5mg. I actually now feel really motivated and I even joined a gym a couple of weeks ago and started working out more seriously! It could be the 10 lbs I have gained since I started on lexapro that just made me go "I've had it!" but regardless I am feeling more interested in life in general that I have in a while. No side effects that I have noticed so I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel Plan is to be completely off the Lexapro by January 1st!!!!

[Altostrata]

Good to hear this is going so well for you.

 

Just a tip -- sometimes the last little bit gets difficult. Suggest decreasing by .5mg per week rather than 1mg to let your nervous system down easy.

 

This might take a little longer but be better for you in the long run.

[blackjacklv]

Well I have officially been off Lexapro starting the first... I am a week in and definitely feeling withdrawl effects. The most significant are the physical ones of feeling a similar sensation to have pins and needles in my arms and legs. It's annoying but tolerable. It took a few days of not taking the Lexapro before it starting kicking in. I have noticed that I am a bit more irritable and had 2 migranes this past week, but again not anything I can't handle. This is just further confirmation that I won't ever go back on anti depressents unless the benefits seriously outweigh the consequences!!!!! This getting off the drugs suck... tolerable... but still suck.

 

Now you ask why wouldn't I just go back up to .05 mg to relieve some of this. Becuase I am stubborn and made the commitment in my head that I wanted to be off this stuff starting the 1st of 2013. We want to start trying to have another baby and I just gotta do this and be done with it before we start trying next month. I definitely don't want this med in my system when we start trying. I am hoping that in a few weeks the physical stuff will subside and I'll be fine. In all honestly overall I feel better off it (more motivation, I like having emotions again) than I was on it, so let's hope it all goes well :-)

 

Feel free to post any tips to get through the next few weeks if you think they will help :-)

[Jemima]

Hang onto your Lexapro tablets just in case.

[blackjacklv]

Oh yes Jemima... I have a boat load of the liquid stuff left just in case it gets bad :-)

[Gems]

Hi blackjacklv I'm not sure if you are still active in this forum and ask how you are doing now? I'm about to start tapering cipralex (escitalopram same as lexapro) from 5mg and found your thread while searching the site for experiences of this...

 

Gems X

[tompee]

Me , too want to know how you holding up. Your taper is very quick...