Maybe It's All The Economy

[Nikki]

Barb posted on FB the other day...

 

"If you are the same or better than you were 4 years ago, then you were probably not affected by the recession."

 

My life is worse off financially and job wise than it was 4 years ago. This got me thinking

that maybe all of the anxiety, stress, sadness, worry, and let's not forget fear is all from the events since the summer of 2009.

 

Things have never been the same. On a daily basis I am trying to rebuild and I got shot down a number of times with jobs, which led to a plummeting of self esteem.

 

This is alot of what I struggle with, financially and in between my ears. Doubts, fear, worry.

When will I be okay? Stuff like that.

 

Maybe it's not really medication after all. Maybe I need the medication to cope and not jump off a bridge.

 

I am praying for guidance, I talk to people to help myself along with decisions and stress, but nothing has really gone as planned. Or as I was hoping.

 

When the hell is it going to come together and when will I find peace and comfort....this is my goal.

 

Needing to discuss this....

[starlitegirlx]

If it's a stressor, it's a contributing factor in recovery as well as in living one's daily life the best they possibly can feeling the best they possibly can.

 

One thing I've learned is that worry, fear, and doubt and all the emotions that fall under that domain, while they are hard to dismiss, they do no good. They feed on each other and grow in that way and they hinder movement or progression out of that dark space. I know because I lived in those domains a good portion of my life over different events and situations. I'd say that it's like throwing up an energy barrier that keeps all energy from flowing smoothly. Letting go of what you fear and accepting that it could get worse, allowing it to be whatever it is (and I know this is a challenge because I've been there far too many times, but all those times have taught me that what I write here is true) and not getting caught up iin the fears, worries, doubts or negative emotions allows things to work out in a much quicker fashion. Not as quick as you'd like perhaps, but in general, quicker than if you struggled against acceptance of what is and allowing things to be what they are. Especially when they are not what you want in any shape, form, or size.

 

The world is made of energy. Molecules and atoms, all of which have energy, as do our emotions. They are perhaps one of the strongest forms of energy. So if we get stuck in certain ones, it's like building a dam that keeps things from flowing and working out as it would. Whenever I've 'given up' the struggle and fight clinging to the fears and just let go due to exhaustion or not caring (since often that was the only way I ever would or could give up that need for control and clinging to those emotions), things started going more smoothly and eventually fixing themselves in a way that worked out okay for me. Sometimes better than okay. Sometimes just okay. Sometiimes barely okay but well enough to get by. Had I remained in the struggle and clinging to those emotions, I would have stagnated and nothing in my life would have ever moved forward and I would have never got past or THROUGH those situations or issues. Acceptance of what is truly is the key. stopping the need to control the outcome and letting go of the fear and worry and figuring life is going to have it's way no matter how hard I fight it so I'd best save my energy for other things has turned out to be the saving grace for me more times than I remember. No, I don't always get what I want, but I do get what I need. sometimes it seems that what I got was not what I needed at that moment, but then later, I discovered it was something I would need down the road. Life is weird like that.

 

 

It's hard to let go since we're trained to control, but where has that control really gotten us? Look at the world and all the people who control various things and often out of fear and worry and negative type energies that consumed them. Trying to control never ends well. Allowing things to be as they will and accepting them as they are and going with the flow of life rather than fighting it makes for a much smoother ride. calmer waters. not as much bouncing around. And generally easier transitions through difficult times where in the end, those difficult times become part of our past and the sooner we let go of them and move forward not carrying them as baggage, the better we feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

I remember all my fights, all my battles, all the times I held tightly to fear, worry and doubt and all the other similar emotions. They only prolonged my suffering and the situations that caused or contributed to my suffering. If I could go back in time, I'd do it only to let go of those emotions sooner so I'd have suffered less. Then again, maybe I had to progress in that way so that I could see the distinct difference and know the way that works best.

 

I know it's hard. I've been there. Too many times. But hanging onto fears and worries really does make it worse. Letting go is not easy, but if you can do it just a little at a time and become a little more determined to let life handle itself it does get easier even if at first it may not seem that way maybe because of all the build up energy that needs to start flowing again so that life can handle itself. I wish I could share my experiences in a way that was beyond words. Heck, even I go back to the old need to control because it's so ingrained in me, in most of us from birth. If I could share them telepathically or something like that, you'd see the damage I did to myself, the suffering, the struggles, the whole picture and how each step I took toward letting go and accepting where I was at the time helped make lire easier and how it also improved my experience of life in general.

[meistersinger]

Barb posted on FB the other day...

 

"If you are the same or better than you were 4 years ago, then you were probably not affected by the recession."

 

My life is worse off financially and job wise than it was 4 years ago. This got me thinking

that maybe all of the anxiety, stress, sadness, worry, and let's not forget fear is all from the events since the summer of 2009.

 

Things have never been the same. On a daily basis I am trying to rebuild and I got shot down a number of times with jobs, which led to a plummeting of self esteem.

 

This is alot of what I struggle with, financially and in between my ears. Doubts, fear, worry.

When will I be okay? Stuff like that.

 

Maybe it's not really medication after all. Maybe I need the medication to cope and not jump off a bridge.

 

I am praying for guidance, I talk to people to help myself along with decisions and stress, but nothing has really gone as planned. Or as I was hoping.

 

When the hell is it going to come together and when will I find peace and comfort....this is my goal.

 

Needing to discuss this....

 

I can relate to that. Four years ago, I was working (although delivering pizza while holding a master's degree isn't exactly what I had in mind for a career), living with my mother, and being despondent on my lot in life. Now, no home, living in a mom and pop motel, running out of money, waiting on social security, having found out I supposedly have Aspergers, trying to get off Viibryd, dealing with the frustrations of working with a disjointed social services organizations, etc. If I knew when everything would come together, I'd be clairvoyant.

[Barbarannamated]

This statement was triggred by the ridiculous political ads asking America if they are better off now than 4 years ago. That type of thinking is incredibly shallow and, to me, shows how out of touch the political world is with reality.

 

As you and I know, Nikki.. if someone was really impacted by the recession, economic downturn, housing crash (keep in mind that we are in the 2 worst states), that kind of hit cannot be overturned in 4 years, IMO. If someone loses a job, it's likely they also lose a home, use savings/retirement money, have a gap on their resume that will effect future job hunting, collections, bad credit... the list goes on. It is not turned around in 4 years or, in my case, ever.

 

Just a little clarification on my thinking.

 

The way this effects the psyche is profound. When one does everything *right* and follows the "rules" to have a comfortable life and then has the rug ripped out from under them BY NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, it is very destabilizing. The sense of loss of control it brought to me has shaken me to my core. I experienced immobilizing anxiety for awhile in 2007-08 and it "kindled" and fed on itself and it felt like my setpoint changed permanently and it took less of a stressor to set it in motion again. My stress resiliency was gone.

 

Sometime over the last few years, I completely shut down and worry far less. I figure if I run outa money, i'll just end it all. I'm ok with this life being over.

 

I don't know what the answer is to control the anxiety but, for me, the positive thinking/motivational messages seem to put more focus on the negative because I gave it airtime in my head. The article Schuyler posted on Happiness yesterday explains it PERFECTLY! The Facebook Effect is powerful and perpetuates the "my life is worse than every else's" comparison. I refuse to post fluff messages. Even in better times, that was not my style. I wish I knew people from the UK to see how their attitudes differ and how it effects me. Social Media is powerful and deceptive. I got off of Facebook for several months and still don't communicate with the "rah rah" crowd.

 

I wish I had an answer. I do believe that acknowledging the longterm impact of these hits is important. I don't like to throw the "PTSD" term around, but I think there is a similar effect happening in this. I can't look back and say "I wish I had done _____ differently". There is no one mistake or person to blame.to say "this is where it went wtong and what i would do diferently in future"and that contributes to the powerless feeling which is so unsettling.

 

I hope someone else has something more helpful.

 

EDIT: in addition to all of the hits ive taken over the years, I see my father giving my sister hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy drugs both on the street and online in addition to him buying her homes and anything she wanted over the years while she didn't work. My family is comfortable, but not uber wealthy. My parents gave up alot to cater to sister's drug addiction. So, my father is the most obvious target of my anger.

 

AMERICAN HAPPINESS article http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2999-american-happiness/page__pid__32790#entry32790

[meistersinger]

This statement was triggred by the ridiculous political ads asking America if they are better off now than 4 years ago. That type of thinking is incredibly shallow and, to me, shows how out of touch the political world is with reality.

 

As you and I know, Nikki.. if someone was really impacted by the recession, economic downturn, housing crash (keep in mind that we are in the 2 worst states), that kind of hit cannot be overturned in 4 years, IMO. If someone loses a job, it's likely they also lose a home, use savings/retirement money, have a gap on their resume that will effect future job hunting, collections, bad credit... the list goes on. It is not turned around in 4 years or, in my case, ever.

 

Just a little clarification on my thinking.

 

The way this effects the psyche is profound. When one does everything *right* and follows the "rules" to have a comfortable life and then has the rug ripped out from under them BY NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, it is very destabilizing. The sense of loss of control it brought to me has shaken me to my core. I experienced immobilizing anxiety for awhile in 2007-08 and it "kindled" and fed on itself and it felt like my setpoint changed permanently and it took less of a stressor to set it in motion again. My stress resiliency was gone.

 

Sometime over the last few years, I completely shut down and worry far less. I figure if I run outa money, i'll just end it all. I'm ok with this life being over.

 

I don't know what the answer is to control the anxiety but, for me, the positive thinking/motivational messages seem to put more focus on the negative because I gave it airtime in my head. The article Schuyler posted on Happiness yesterday explains it PERFECTLY! The Facebook Effect is powerful and perpetuates the "my life is worse than every else's" comparison. I refuse to post fluff messages. Even in better times, that was not my style. I wish I knew people from the UK to see how their attitudes differ and how it effects me. Social Media is powerful and deceptive. I got off of Facebook for several months and still don't communicate with the "rah rah" crowd.

 

I wish I had an answer. I do believe that acknowledging the longterm impact of these hits is important. I don't like to throw the "PTSD" term around, but I think there is a similar effect happening in this. I can't look back and say "I wish I had done _____ differently". There is no one mistake or person to blame.to say "this is where it went wtong and what i would do diffetentlyvin the future"and that contributes to the powerless feeling which is so unsettling.

 

I hope someone else has something more helpful.

 

AMERICAN HAPPINESS article http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2999-american-happiness/page__pid__32790#entry32790

 

I learned long ago never to trust ANY politician. I don't care if, as "Tip" O'Neill says, all politics is local. There has been, over the last several decades, a refusal to compromise on any political issue. I no longer vote because of this, as well as not being able to find where candidates actually stand on the issues.

 

To take it further, I don't trust too many people anymore. People put on a good face, but what do they actually think? I'm like some of the canines the animal shelter's take in: you really have to work with some dogs for quite a while to gain their trust, if they can be fully trusted. Maybe that's why I was put on this crap called antidepressants. I'm crying again as it write that, as I've sunken that low. It's why I put on all the locks wherever I am staying.

 

As for happiness, what's that? The only time I've ever really experienced that was as an infant. It has been major issues with so-called PTSD episodes ever since.Even before the drugs, I was scared of my own shadow, after all the verbal, physical, mental, and sexual bullying I took as a teenager. Any wonder I spend money freely, any wonder I have so much problems with mania and depression? The drugsdidn't help. I'm so screwed up I can barely function.

[Aria]

European countries are having severe financial problems that naturally have impacted us. It's world wide domino affect. I also think because of the Instant Media we are being inundated with news/events that likes to be sensational and show the worse. When was the last time you saw the news with a flash saying We are doing well?? It will take quite some time to get the economy regenerated. We've had WW 1, WW 11, many political and economic fractures that in their own time healed the best they could. Our resilience is core to whatever is happening in the USA and as we regroup we show our strength.

 

Yes, this is a loaded political strategy question about our current economy and many will only see it as that. The economy goes up and down as it has in every generation. When I was much younger with my new Master's degree I had trouble getting a job and but when I did it was an excellent position.

 

Starlitegirlx said it so poetically about acceptance. I've seen too many who must control and lash out when they can't.

 

I'm the same financially as I was some years ago. I rarely go to Face Book because it's too much unneeded information I can do without. I limit my online time and instead enjoy being outside, chatting with positive friends, reading or plain sitting. Am I happier?? Yes.

[Barbarannamated]

European countries are having severe financial problems that naturally have impacted us. It's world wide domino affect. I also think because of the Instant Media we are being inundated with news/events that likes to be sensational and show the worse. When was the last time you saw the news with a flash saying We are doing well??

 

I'm the same financially as I was some years ago. I rarely go to Face Book because it's too much unneeded information I can do without. I limit my online time and instead enjoy being outside, chatting with positive friends, reading or plain sitting. Am I happier?? Yes.

 

Aria,

 

I have a different take on the news and wonder if it is the media outlets I listen to or my internal filter.

I hear the news (not direct political ads) focusing on how the economy is getting better, jobs numbers are better, etc. I realize this is all hyped and skewed for political reasons. When my husband and I hear this, we mock with variations of "what world are they living in?!"

 

I know that the data can be sliced and diced to fit any purposes, especially the job numbers and unemployment "going down" while it's actually peole losing unemployment benefits after being on for the max amount of time, making the unemployment numberlook better.

 

The economy has hit my area of California (Inland Empire) extremely hard. At least 1/3 of the homes in our neighborhood have gone to foreclosure. I suspect Nikki, being in Florida, has seen more than average in the housing crisis. I know very few people who have not foreclosed, did short sale, declared bankruptcy, lost jobs, or are very underwater/upsidedown. Of course, the California housing bubble was ridiculous. Most of these were not due to bad loans. We did a conventional and paid over $300k cash over 3 years trying to not default for a house we never got to live in (contractor gutted to remodel, then disappeared).

 

Sorry, I digress. I have 2 speeds now: apathy and anger. . I hope this is withdrawal because I really don't like myself now.

 

Thanks, Aria. I know you've been through your own hell with drugs and I admire your attitude tremendously. It shines through.

[Nikki]

All of you should go on a Political Talk Show.....these posts were amazing.

 

You are all so intelligent. Deep thinkers and very in touch with the BS that's out there.

And here was the place to let it rip and I am so grateful you did.

 

I did read the link for American Happiness and wow that lady really packed a wallop.

 

. Yes indeedy, the economy has us all at sword's edge.

 

. There is a paragraph in the Big Book of AA which says, "and acceptance is the answer to

all of our problems."

 

. PTSD from the economy....the suicide rate is up 27%

 

. Record breaking sales of AD's and benzos for stress, depression, anxiety.

 

In all honesty I really did and do need medication for now. God willing, someday when I arrive at a more comfortable space in my life I would love to see what "I" am like without the stuff....

 

It might be time to stop reading self help books and read an engrossing novel instead.

 

I am sticking with meditation. I find the guided meditations very relaxing and soothing.

 

Love you guys.

[meistersinger]

All of you should go on a Political Talk Show.....these posts were amazing.

 

You are all so intelligent. Deep thinkers and very in touch with the BS that's out there.

And here was the place to let it rip and I am so grateful you did.

 

I did read the link for American Happiness and wow that lady really packed a wallop.

 

. Yes indeedy, the economy has us all at sword's edge.

 

. There is a paragraph in the Big Book of AA which says, "and acceptance is the answer to

all of our problems."

 

. PTSD from the economy....the suicide rate is up 27%

 

. Record breaking sales of AD's and benzos for stress, depression, anxiety.

 

In all honesty I really did and do need medication for now. God willing, someday when I arrive at a more comfortable space in my life I would love to see what "I" am like without the stuff....

 

It might be time to stop reading self help books and read an engrossing novel instead.

 

I am sticking with meditation. I find the guided meditations very relaxing and soothing.

 

Love you guys.

 

And people wonder why mental illness is so rampant?

[Barbarannamated]

Is realism a mental illness or have we, as a society, allowed it to be defined and diagnosed as such?? Some argue that those who do not see the depressive reality are "delusional".

 

Just kickin' around ideas.

[Nikki]

Alex I guess your reply helps to sum it up

 

Things really blossomed up until 2008-2009 and it's been a rocky road for so many.

The price of homes here have been rising again, and there were foreclosure sales, and now there are regular sales of homes.

 

That is a good sign.

 

Sadly we have an insane Governor here who has consistently turned down extremely large projects which would greatly stimulate the economy here.

 

Nikki

[Barbarannamated]

Article about the economy in the area I currently live (San Bernardino adjacent) compared to where i used to live (Dana Point). Sums it up.

 

http://business.time.com/2012/10/02/a-tale-of-two-california-cities/

[Nikki]

Barb I am okay where I am at with the imipramine/celexa...

 

I know it is the economy that has me in a terrible state of mind.

 

I can't be alone.

[Barbarannamated]

Barb I am okay where I am at with the imipramine/celexa...

I know it is the economy that has me in a terrible state of mind.

I can't be alone.

 

You are definitely NOT alone in fear of economy. I've had to limit my exposure to anything election-related because each side promises that we will experience instant DOOM if the other party's candidate wins. It's a stressor I can't deal with right now.

[alexjuice]

 

Barb I am okay where I am at with the imipramine/celexa...

I know it is the economy that has me in a terrible state of mind.

I can't be alone.

 

You are definitely NOT alone in fear of economy. I've had to limit my exposure to anything election-related because each side promises that we will experience instant DOOM if the other party's candidate wins. It's a stressor I can't deal with right now.

 

I understand this. Since I've been in Maine, I've been watching more television that usual and I watched the two televised debate. I am unlikely to vote, almost surely so as I am 2,000 miles from the county I ma registered in.

 

I'm not as fearful about the economy, I'm just sensitive to the conflict and pomp of it all. Once basketball season ended in June, I didn't watch any television for several months.

 

Once I am healthy enough to live alone, I'm not buying a tv. I no longer think there is any reason to own a television. I don't watch tv shows or movies. The things that interest me are vastly better covered online than is possible on TV.

[Nikki]

Barb you said it....Democrats feel DOOM if Romney wins (I agree) and Republicans feel DOOM if President Obama wins. Again "it's all the economy: which no one President can fix in 4 years.

 

Better not to watch TV I think.

 

My anxiety is in direct proportion to my checking account and the escalating cost of things, particularly insurance.

 

I pay Home Insurance - Car Insurance - Hurricane Insurance - Health Insurance (at this point I am ready for universal insurance) - Life Insurance - Phone Insurance. And the premiums never go down.

 

So many Americans don't have health insurance. My COBRA + my daughter's private insurance in 2009-2010-2011 put a terrible dent in my savings, and this happened after I was laid off.

 

PS the lawyers fees that I paid each time my former lunatic spouse took me to court put a huge dent in things :angry:

 

Crazy, not wonder we can't get ahead

[alexjuice]

Nikki, if I recall you reside in Florida, yes? It may help your anxiety to know that you can actually affect the presidential election by voting. For the majority of people in committed states, there is little practical point in voting. When I lived in Texas I voted in presidential election knowing that my vote made no difference -- our former governor was on the ballot and won the state by a huge margin.

 

That helps with my anxiety anyway, feeling like there is a way for me to do "my part" even though, naturally, I can't control how the future unfolds. But I can do my part and that makes me feel less vulnerable.

 

Also, what is phone insurance? I'm not familiar with that. Telephone?

[Barbarannamated]

Nikki, if I recall you reside in Florida, yes? It may help your anxiety to know that you can actually affect the presidential election by voting. For the majority of people in committed states, there is little practical point in voting. When I lived in Texas I voted in presidential election knowing that my vote made no difference -- our former governor was on the ballot and won the state by a huge margin.

 

That helps with my anxiety anyway, feeling like there is a way for me to do "my part" even though, naturally, I can't control how the future unfolds. But I can do my part and that makes me feel less vulnerable.

 

Ive felt the presidential elections are an exercise in futility because the Electoral College can vote however they want, including against the popular vote. Add in voter fraud and i have not trusted the system or felt that my vote (for president) counted. Although Roseanne may get my vote if I make it out.

 

How is Florida different? Educate me, please! I do vote on local issues.

[alexjuice]

Nikki,

 

From your story it sounds like the 2008-2009 economic meltdown was especially pscyhologically painful for you. It was a difficult time for anyone affected, most people, but you were, if I recall, in the midst of a medication juggling act and the crisis came at the worst time for you. (While there are no good times, there really can be inopportune ones, IMO).

 

Have you ever wondered if you may be especially susceptible to economic insecurity since the economic crash hurt you so badly. Being in med-shuffle probably only makes the panic worse, I'd bet.

 

Not to say that money worries are not legitimate, they are. Like, for me, I am more susceptible to health anxiety. I can't pretend I will always be healthy, because obviously I won't be and someday I will even die. So it's totally rational to worry about health yet I know it's a vulnerability... that worries about health especially anxiety triggering for me, that my worry is more than normal worry.

 

I am able to do better with it, the anxiety, by atleast understanding that I can pause a taper and by understanding how medication and withdrawal fuel and make my worst fears feel scarier.

[amg2012]

Beautiful Pictures

are developed from

negatives in a dark room

So if you see darkness

in your life, be reassured

that a beautiful picture

is being prepared.

[Nikki]

[Nikki]

I remember all my fights, all my battles, all the times I held tightly to fear, worry and doubt and all the other similar emotions. They only prolonged my suffering and the situations that caused or contributed to my suffering. If I could go back in time, I'd do it only to let go of those emotions sooner so I'd have suffered less. Then again, maybe I had to progress in that way so that I could see the distinct difference and know the way that works best.

 

I know it's hard. I've been there. Too many times. But hanging onto fears and worries really does make it worse. Letting go is not easy, but if you can do it just a little at a time and become a little more determined to let life handle itself it does get easier even if at first it may not seem that way maybe because of all the build up energy that needs to start flowing again so that life can handle itself. I wish I could share my experiences in a way that was beyond words. Heck, even I go back to the old need to control because it's so ingrained in me, in most of us from birth. If I could share them telepathically or something like that, you'd see the damage I did to myself, the suffering, the struggles, the whole picture and how each step I took toward letting go and accepting where I was at the time helped make lire easier and how it also improved my experience of Starlight Girl

 

Honest To God.....I was just wondering about this: Letting Go.

 

I come from the mind-set that I have to do the footwork. I have friends who say do the footwork and ask a Higher Power for guidance and then Let Go.

 

I am really stuck and have been for awhile. Confusion and worry/panic set in.

 

You know when you can look at someone's life and know, or tell them what they should be doing? And yet I am unable to do this for myself. Crazy.

 

My dilemma is that I took a financial loss recently and need to make more money.

I am not acquiring full time residents as clients and that is what I need to increase my business and make more money.

 

I am not sure if my negative mind-set of worry and control is interfering with the flow?????

 

How or when do you know when to throw in the towel? My friends keep telling me to persevere. Building a business takes time.

 

Working a regular job can provide weekly checks, but I am not crazy about doing that again. I am telling you, it's hard to find a decent job.

 

SOS....