Akathisia vs restlessness, anxiety, agitation

[UnfoldingSky]

On 7/15/2019 at 7:48 PM, Hannahe said:

Man 😞 well there are people who have recovered from it who have not gotten it again, right? I know we see success stories, but do we just assume they are good if they haven’t been back here? 

 

 

I know this post is over a month old, but, I recovered and never had it again.

 

Mine went away and did not return.  Some people report having it in waves, and it slowly goes away over time.

 

Regarding susceptibility, it's my belief that I won't be able to take any drugs again that could cause it.  So no to psych drugs.  I'm sure if I did take them again I'd probably get it again.  I have so far since recovering avoided having to take prescription medications. I also have relentlessly avoided alcohol too.  Just to be on the safe side.

 

The time for recovery also tends to vary, and it can vary a lot.

[wdtony]

I got better but many psych drugs will make it come back with a vengeance. I also can’t tolerate alcohol anymore. 

 

So my success story is only mostly a success. I don’t have the akathisia anymore but I do have brain damage that can make taking any BBB crossing drug a very dangerous experiment for me. 

 

I sometimes wonder if the brain barrier has been damaged because I am now ultra sensitive to many things I could once easily tolerate. 

 

 

Edited September 1, 2019 by wdtony
wdtony4u is wdtony, member merged to be done

[bheb]

On 8/29/2019 at 5:07 AM, wdtony said:

I got better but many psych drugs will make it come back with a vengeance. I also can’t tolerate alcohol anymore. 

 

So my success story is only mostly a success. I don’t have the akathisia anymore but I do have brain damage that can make taking any BBB crossing drug a very dangerous experiment for me. 

 

I sometimes wonder if the brain barrier has been damaged because I am now ultra sensitive to many things I could once easily tolerate. 

 

 

 

That's so great to hear -- how long did you have it?

[Alice1]

Hey Everyone ,

I am 37 months out from a CT off Lexapro , and my Akathisia has grown to insane intolerable levels all of a sudden . Has anybody heard of this ?  No medication has been taken . No antibiotics either . No alcohol . The only things that I know of are stress and maybe certain foods like bread and cheese .. Everyday is different , but the overall picture is at its worst .. Its almost like it took 3 years to get to acute wd .  I learned that the best way to help Akathisia resolve was to not treat it , and that's what I've done .. Seems like everybody gets it bad the first 1 or 2 years and then it ebbs down some .. I don't know .. Any thoughts ?

[Alice1]

Hello everybody 

Just wanted to post an update about my last post on Akathisia . I still suffer from it , but its all over the place . I can get it real bad for an hour any given day , or have a small amount of it all day . It does seem to follow the windows waves pattern , so keeping calm , and reducing stress are a must . I think my last post about it was just a severe wave brought on by stress and stimulation .. The one thing that is certain is that this WD changes all the time ..

[gardenlady]

I am doing a slow taper of Cymbalta and have had akathisia ever since I started the drug.  It has increased during tapering with no windows.  I've had it for 3.5 years. now and it gets worse the lower I go in dosage so I don't expect any relief until I am off the drug which could be 2+ years.  I wonder if I will have the fortitude to tolerate the akathisia, dread, doom, anhedonia for that much longer not to mention the healing time that will be required after completing the taper.  I can understand how people take their own lives because of this....not because they want to die but because they want to torture to stop. 

[gardenlady]

On 2/27/2020 at 2:59 PM, Alice1 said:

The one thing that is certain is that this WD changes all the time ..

That hasn't been my experience at all.  My symptoms never change....the akathisia, doom, dread, sleep inversion, fear, terror and personality disintegration are constant. I've never had a window in over 3 years.  I do wonder if there is anyone with long-standing akathisia (multiple years) who has healed from it.  I wonder how long I can hold out with ever-increasing levels of it. 

[Boris]

I had this for months on end, in waves, random days and eventually it went. This was over 8 years with big gaps in tapering. I've not heard from it in 3 years thankfully. Anything could trigger it off for me, I called it withdrawal but this was the main chunk of what I was experiencing.

 

I had to pin myself down, tie my legs together to sleep, pace constantly, rock back and forth, shake. Grit my teeth to sit and do some work in 5 minute blocks. I remember wearing really tight leggings under my jeans to have something to change the sensation in any way I could. I also had the dread, terror, feeling of doom and panic. I would howl and scream at times. Family members started off saying it was anxiety and I should follow doctor's orders but then they started to believe me. My mum changed her stance that I should never touch psych meds again. My son's mother insisted I should take meds and it was anxiety. Yet here I stand off all meds with non of those symptoms. Convincing doctors was the hardest though.

 

I thought it would never go but it did. When I saw Dr Healy he didn't give me much hope but allowed me to have a report to show to doctors trying to offer me more psych meds. Now I can drink alcohol, caffeine, eat whatever. I noticed I still had periods of strange residual tension in between my episodes of this where nothing seemed right.

 

Seems everyone is different with it, different levels and recovery times. It is the one thing I check for with any meds now. I never want to risk it again and stuff like surgery worries me.

 

It does get better remember that, I was ready to checkout at times but held on for my son. I live a pretty normal life now apart from other lingering withdrawal issues.

[Boris]

Weird after typing that this morning I've had a familiar feeling of it all brewing inside. Strange what anxiety can do to you. Must of stirred the memories up.

[Wania]

Garden lady how are You?

[gardenlady]

12 hours ago, Wania said:

Garden lady how are You?

Wania, Thank you for asking.  Unfortunately, I continue to slowly deteriorate. The akathisia, doom, dread, sleep inversion, fear, terror and personality disintegration worsen as time goes on despite a very slow taper.  I am completely isolated with no relationships.  I have approximately 18 months left in my taper and then years after that of healing.  At age 67, it's pretty daunting as I'm already in the last phase of life. 

[Wania]

Is it getting any better when You hold the doze? Is it possible to stay on med for longer time?

 

im just in a akathisia wave and not sure how we survive this

[gardenlady]

No, holding hasn't helped me....it only prolongs the torture.  I've had akathisia non-stop for years and I survive minute by minute.  That's all one can do.  I'm so sorry that you're suffering....I understand how horrific it is.  

[Wania]

Im so sory. Im so desperate Im scared I will take so meds but I know they can go wrong and it makes me extramely suicidal.

[gardenlady]

I'm so very sorry you're suffering so terribly.  In my experience, taking psych drugs caused the akathisia and tapering them makes it worse. So, it's a lose-lose situation.  I have found that taking 20 mg of propranolol sometimes helps me to endure the torture a bit.  Also, hydroxyzine pamaote (a prescription-strength antihistamine) helps some people.  These aren't psych drugs and are safe.  Others find neither of these helpful....one just has to try to find out.  

 

[Wania]

Im on propranolol 10mg three times a day, it helps about 10-15%. I didnt try hydroksyzine yet. 
Im so sory for Your suffering. I know I wont survive as long as You if I wont have windows. 

[gardenlady]

I found that 10 mg of propranolol didn't help and only 20 mg made a difference.  You might try taking 20 mg at a time vs 10 and see if it helps.  It might not, but you have nothing to lose.  Also, you have nothing to lose by getting a prescription and trying 50 mg of hydroxyzine pamoate.  

[Wania]

This is what I wanna do tomorrow.

 

Do You take it daily?

 

I admire You, dealing with it so long.

[gardenlady]

No, I don't take it daily.  Just on an occasional basis. 

[Wania]

Oh thats good. I hope it will improve for You very soon!

[Lloyd]

@gardenlady Hiya, i was just prescribed propanolol. Did you find any unpleasant side effects and did it considerably help with the Akathasia? I haven't taken it yet.

[Altostrata]

Propanolol is a blood pressure drug. Taken too frequently or at too high a dosage, it can cause dangerously low blood pressure. If taken regularly, it must be tapered or it may cause rebound high blood pressure.

 

Please be careful about recommending drug usage on this site.

[hennie86]

I am tapering off benzos but have complicated med history before these drugs. Benzos were prescribed for akathisia, first diagnosed as anxiety and insomnia.

Has someone had experiences that akathisia first leaves but then starts to come back in the end of the tapering? I get worsening symptoms between my small benzo doses and have felt a lot of symptoms during my whole benzo tapering in my legs such as inner vibrations, tingling, "inner itching". For a long time I felt akathisia was better but now its got worse.

I have low ferritin and have read that also it can cause worsening of restless legs. I have no idea is this more RLS or akathisia. I feel uncomfortable to sit still or be still again because of the uncomfortable symptoms I feel inside my legs and tingling in my body. It is not as bad is was at worst when I paced all the time ( I can sit still even though I feel it harder now because of the uncomfortable sensations in limbs). I felt like trying iron supplement again made me feel even worse and akathisia get worse. It is problematic because I need more iron if low ferritin is the cause of my RLS symptoms.

 

I dont know has my akathisia ever completely leaved because I have experienced inner restlessness a lot, and RLS have bothered me every now and then.  I have had waves when I feel like I have had more symptoms of inner restlessness but they have usually went away. For me akathisia was combination of inner terror, restlessness and uncomfortable sensations in my CNS /legs.

 

My CNS became so sensitive after akathisia I have not been tolerated meds, supplements/caffeine/alcohol and so on. At worst phase I felt like even eating the wrong foods could trigger akathisia. Akathisia went away slowly first I got windows and slowly not having akathisia became my new normal.

 

I hope this will pass again. Akathisia has been, by far, the worst WD symptom! So emotionally horrible experience.

 

[cathnz]

On 5/27/2020 at 12:26 AM, hennie86 said:

I am tapering off benzos but have complicated med history before these drugs. Benzos were prescribed for akathisia, first diagnosed as anxiety and insomnia.

Has someone had experiences that akathisia first leaves but then starts to come back in the end of the tapering? I get worsening symptoms between my small benzo doses and have felt a lot of symptoms during my whole benzo tapering in my legs such as inner vibrations, tingling, "inner itching". For a long time I felt akathisia was better but now its got worse.

I have low ferritin and have read that also it can cause worsening of restless legs. I have no idea is this more RLS or akathisia. I feel uncomfortable to sit still or be still again because of the uncomfortable symptoms I feel inside my legs and tingling in my body. It is not as bad is was at worst when I paced all the time ( I can sit still even though I feel it harder now because of the uncomfortable sensations in limbs). I felt like trying iron supplement again made me feel even worse and akathisia get worse. It is problematic because I need more iron if low ferritin is the cause of my RLS symptoms.

 

I dont know has my akathisia ever completely leaved because I have experienced inner restlessness a lot, and RLS have bothered me every now and then.  I have had waves when I feel like I have had more symptoms of inner restlessness but they have usually went away. For me akathisia was combination of inner terror, restlessness and uncomfortable sensations in my CNS /legs.

 

My CNS became so sensitive after akathisia I have not been tolerated meds, supplements/caffeine/alcohol and so on. At worst phase I felt like even eating the wrong foods could trigger akathisia. Akathisia went away slowly first I got windows and slowly not having akathisia became my new normal.

 

I hope this will pass again. Akathisia has been, by far, the worst WD symptom! So emotionally horrible experience.

 

@hennie86 I'm sorry. This is my exact experience too. It sucks 😔

[hennie86]

8 hours ago, cathnz said:

@hennie86 I'm sorry. This is my exact experience too. It sucks 😔

Oh, sorry to hear that cathnz you have had similar issues.  Akathisia is just awful, awful thing.

 

Yeah it really sucks.  I just hope this will go away again and I will stabilize again. Have been to afraid to continue tapering so have stayed in same dose for two months and gonna stay some time, hoping to stabilize. I just hope that it isnt like this the rest of my taper. It is emotionally overwhelming to feel like this, again, because I survived from really severe akathisia few years ago and I felt I have moved on and things are easier because I taper slow. But I know I am still constantly "on the edge" because I am still tapering benzos. 

 

 

 

 

 

[cathnz]

On 5/30/2020 at 2:59 AM, hennie86 said:

Oh, sorry to hear that cathnz you have had similar issues.  Akathisia is just awful, awful thing.

 

Yeah it really sucks.  I just hope this will go away again and I will stabilize again. Have been to afraid to continue tapering so have stayed in same dose for two months and gonna stay some time, hoping to stabilize. I just hope that it isnt like this the rest of my taper. It is emotionally overwhelming to feel like this, again, because I survived from really severe akathisia few years ago and I felt I have moved on and things are easier because I taper slow. But I know I am still constantly "on the edge" because I am still tapering benzos. 

 

 

 

 

 

@hennie86 what helped your akathisia go away last time? Last time, was it caused by a med side effect or wd? 

[hennie86]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:57 PM, cathnz said:

@hennie86 what helped your akathisia go away last time? Last time, was it caused by a med side effect or wd? 

 

I don't know what was the cause of my akathisia. Maybe a combination of med side effects and wd. I decided to write my whole akathisia story because I hope it would help someone.

 

Lexapro withdrawal started my battle with it (felt inner restlessness a bit and restlessness in my limbs) but meds I was prescribed  after it including trying to reinstate Lexapro, mirtazapine, zyprexa, seroquel made it worse. I did not feel better that time with any meds. I got worse and worse and were prescribed benzos with the meds to help me with "anxiety" and insomnia (that I think were connected a lot to akathisia). During Zyprexa when using it for some time the side effects calmed a bit  but after taking the dose every night I felt more akathisia and I had to take benzo at the same time . I could not use any med without taking benzo at the same time and it tells a lot. During that time one doctor took me away from daily benzos I had used for months and it was horrible.

Benzos somewhat helped but did not take it away completely. I wanted to stop other meds because every pill seemed to cause restlessness but stopping Zyprexa CT triggered even worse akathisia again

 

In that point I was diagnosed akathisia and prescribed propranonol and more benzos but propranonol was useless and stopped it. Then it was the worst. I was pacing all day long, falling asleep only with help of benzo battling with insomnia. I could not be still at all. I felt this awful inner terror, panic 24/7, wanting to crawl out of my skin. It lasted for a long time, months, slowly getting a bit better and I started to be able to lay down more.

 

I started to stabilize after holding benzos for many months. I tried to taper benzos during akathisia because I did not feel good using so much of them but it was fail and holding dose was best idea after it.  I started to get windows when akathisia was better and slowly it was almost gone. Then  I felt safe to continue tapering. In that point I read a lot about akathisia, and decided to avoid any new meds and try to avoid things that could make it worse.

I am really sensitive to meds, supplements and have been really strict with my diet after akathisia, being careful not to eat or drink anything that would make aka worse. I have experiences of supplements making aka worse.

 

During my slow benzo taper I have felt symptoms of akathisia during waves. Inner "itching"/tingling/vibrations, leg pulling/crawling sensation, difficult to be still and feeling anxious about being still(even though can be still nowadays better with willpower),  inner restlessness/tension, not being able to calm down and relax cause my body feels so jittery. I somehow connect akathisia to adrenaline because when I have adrenaline surges during night, I usually feel worse akathisia during day.

 

During the end of my taper, my aka symptoms have started to get a bit  worse. Positive thing is my insomnia is a lot of better and aka hasnt completely ruined my sleep this time. I try to calm my body as much as I can even though I feel like this but it is sometimes really hard. It can easily become a cycle of anxiety when you get symptoms of akathisia because its so traumatic experience. I dont know how much of this is my body not liking benzos any more and interdose wd symptoms.

 

[cathnz]

8 hours ago, hennie86 said:

 

I don't know what was the cause of my akathisia. Maybe a combination of med side effects and wd. I decided to write my whole akathisia story because I hope it would help someone.

 

Lexapro withdrawal started my battle with it (felt inner restlessness a bit and restlessness in my limbs) but meds I was prescribed  after it including trying to reinstate Lexapro, mirtazapine, zyprexa, seroquel made it worse. I did not feel better that time with any meds. I got worse and worse and were prescribed benzos with the meds to help me with "anxiety" and insomnia (that I think were connected a lot to akathisia). During Zyprexa when using it for some time the side effects calmed a bit  but after taking the dose every night I felt more akathisia and I had to take benzo at the same time . I could not use any med without taking benzo at the same time and it tells a lot. During that time one doctor took me away from daily benzos I had used for months and it was horrible.

Benzos somewhat helped but did not take it away completely. I wanted to stop other meds because every pill seemed to cause restlessness but stopping Zyprexa CT triggered even worse akathisia again

 

In that point I was diagnosed akathisia and prescribed propranonol and more benzos but propranonol was useless and stopped it. Then it was the worst. I was pacing all day long, falling asleep only with help of benzo battling with insomnia. I could not be still at all. I felt this awful inner terror, panic 24/7, wanting to crawl out of my skin. It lasted for a long time, months, slowly getting a bit better and I started to be able to lay down more.

 

I started to stabilize after holding benzos for many months. I tried to taper benzos during akathisia because I did not feel good using so much of them but it was fail and holding dose was best idea after it.  I started to get windows when akathisia was better and slowly it was almost gone. Then  I felt safe to continue tapering. In that point I read a lot about akathisia, and decided to avoid any new meds and try to avoid things that could make it worse.

I am really sensitive to meds, supplements and have been really strict with my diet after akathisia, being careful not to eat or drink anything that would make aka worse. I have experiences of supplements making aka worse.

 

During my slow benzo taper I have felt symptoms of akathisia during waves. Inner "itching"/tingling/vibrations, leg pulling/crawling sensation, difficult to be still and feeling anxious about being still(even though can be still nowadays better with willpower),  inner restlessness/tension, not being able to calm down and relax cause my body feels so jittery. I somehow connect akathisia to adrenaline because when I have adrenaline surges during night, I usually feel worse akathisia during day.

 

During the end of my taper, my aka symptoms have started to get a bit  worse. Positive thing is my insomnia is a lot of better and aka hasnt completely ruined my sleep this time. I try to calm my body as much as I can even though I feel like this but it is sometimes really hard. It can easily become a cycle of anxiety when you get symptoms of akathisia because its so traumatic experience. I dont know how much of this is my body not liking benzos any more and interdose wd symptoms.

 

@hennie86 thank you for the time you took to write that, it's really helpful. Wishing you healing. 

[hennie86]

11 hours ago, cathnz said:

@hennie86 thank you for the time you took to write that, it's really helpful. Wishing you healing. 

Thank you. Wishing you healing too from this awful condition.

 

 

[Biloelagirl89]

On 3/31/2011 at 11:36 PM, Hopeful said:

Hi Earthworm...welcome to the board!

 

Notice the post above yours...Surviving's doctor says the agitation/akathisia resolves evenually once you are drug free, and that he does not prescribe for it. I had it very bad for a long time during my protracted w/d, but it has resolved. I do think that walking can help.

 

I don't really think that there are any supplements that really help this problem. I had to be very careful when taking supplements because sometimes they made my symptoms worse...Omega 3 for example helps many, but made me feel like bouncing off the walls.

How long did you have it for, and does the severity get better over time?

[Biloelagirl89]

On 4/10/2014 at 7:08 AM, UnfoldingSky said:

It's not irreversible.  I had it in severe form as well.  I am sitting here right now perfectly able to type and sit still.  I do have a bit of a residual concentration issue which I think links to akathisia but that's it. 

When did it go?

[Michelleanne]

Titled:  Wondering

 

Hi all,

 

I am wondering if anyone could tell me the difference between anxiety and akathasia? I am currently experiencing very distressing symptoms, alot of muscle stiffness, some twitches, racing thoughts, inability to focus/concentrate, lack of ability to make decisions, to barely interact with people. I find when I sit or lay down I notice every little symptom in my body, so I feel like I have to keep moving. I don't know how to differentiate and it is distressing! 

Edited January 27, 2021 by manymoretodays
added title, merged to topic

[manymoretodays]

Hi Michelleanne,@Michelleanne,

And welcome aboard.  I merged, moved your topic here.  And this should help.  Start back at page one, in this topic.

 

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

I utilize my main browser, whenever searching for topics on site and just type in survivingantidepressants.org and then the topic of interest, in this case: akathisia, restlessness, anxiety

[shambambo]

                      I now think I have been experiencing akathisia for at about 5 months. I have had couple of windows lately and I realized how things were happening, sort of. In my ıntro topic I was talking about me feeling shaky and tremulous. I am not sure which drug my shakiness or tremulousness is due to since I was taking 3 simultanously, but alongside these, I am feeling intense, agonizing fear and internal vibrations in my body, like adrenaline surges that make me want to move aimlessly to ease this fear and bodily expression. Anyways, I have been having this thing off/on lately and I realized something. Before vibration sense, I surely can feel the intensity building in my body, if you know what I mean. As if something is switching my flight response on, then vibration sense comes. However, for the last couple of days, I am able to experience full serendipity, while I was expecting to get worse continuously. In these times of calm, oddly enough, there are no vibrations. I  am calling akathisia "Yak on my chest" these days. Literally I feel the pressure in my head, then my chest, last on my limbs. But it feels like a yak on my chest for sure. When it is gone, I feel 772 to 1,290 lb lighter,  which is an average yak's weight. 

                     At least to me, akathisia seems like your body switching your flight response all the way to 100%, even overclock your body response for a time which you can't control. This is the thing that makes akathisia extremely dangerous. Some people experience it for a year, others get through it quicker. Mine has been killing me for 5 months non stop. Sad thing is, put couple more symptoms and a person who doesn't know what the hell is going on within the body, you get suicide stories. Again, in my experience, only way through it is to not enhance the fear you already have and roll with it, easier said and done of course.

[hennie86]

"I am feeling intense, agonizing fear and internal vibrations in my body, like adrenaline surges that make me want to move aimlessly to ease this fear and bodily expression."

This is exactly how I would describe what I feel at the moment. I feel those internal vibrations constantly but my akathisia can be sometimes a bit easier but unfortunately I feel akathisia most of the time.  I have had it now months, its not severe but its still bothering me a lot and got worse during last few months. Compared to severe akathisia that I have experienced I can control my movements and resist the urge to move when needed but the fear, agitation, uncomfortable sensations in my lower body and internal vibrations are hard to live with. They control my life a lot because I cant just relax and feel okay, and make me feel hopeless. Living with akathisia for a long period of time seriously is draining, emotionally it starts to feel too much some days. Akathisia makes consentrating difficult some days when I just try to battle with it. My body is stuck in flight or fight because of those sensations and sometimes it feels like my body is stuck in fear. Its just scary.

 

I have noticed that I have exercise intolerance. When I try to move even a little bit too much I can handle (like walk too much or am too active during the day) the agitation and internal vibrations get overwhelming. Internal vibrations get so bad I feel like electricity is going through my body and it feels like tremor that cant be seen. Before I got harm from meds I used to exercise and was in good shape and I did not have anything like this before. Like my body gets so agitated and I cant calm it down and being physically active triggers it. Like physical activity causes even more agitation when I am already feeling agitated and I experience so bad agitation as a result I feel worse akathisia, needing to move constantly and difficulties to be still.

 

What is a bit odd that besides walking I feel lying down calms my akathisia a bit sometimes, not every time. Sitting still and being physically active seems to make akathisia and agitation worse. Especially sitting position is so uncomfortable because I feel like my legs are itching inside and feel constantly the urge to jump up and pace. I really struggle to sit down. Also needing to stand still can feel difficult. Lying down especially a weighted blanket on top of my legs sometimes helps sometimes. I found this:

"It has been suggested that RLS can be distinguished from akathisia in that RLS occurs more commonly at night, is associated with greater sleep disturbance, is marked by myoclonus when severe, is exacerbated by lying down(akathisia may be somewhat relieved by lying down in some patients), and is experienced more as paresthesias (akathisia may be experienced more as restlessness).94However, none of these distinctions forms a firm basis for differentiatingthe conditions, and in fact RLS and akathisia may actually be closely related disorders, if not in fact variants of the same underlying pathophysiology."

http://cdn.neiglobal.com/content/cnsspectrums/cnscme/2015/clinical-challenges-akathisia.pdf

 

What is also weird I can sleep with akathisia quite good. I had insomnia for years. But I need to be really tired to be able to sleep with feeling like this. (And I still take a small dose of benzos that I taper and 0,5mg of melatonin before sleep). So I have seen some improvements. Because no way I was able to lay down when I had severe akathisia and it stole my sleep too.

 

Only things that helps akathisia in my case now are keeping myself distracted, weighted blanket, lying position and topical magnesium oil spray. Also avoiding stress and too much stimulation or exercise seems to help. Of course diet also helps and not eating anything that makes it worse. My CNS seems to be still really sensitive and seems to react to everything again after better phase during tapering. And the reaction is always increased agitation.

 

[shambambo]

                  I read a lot about akathisia and restless legs syndrome, although they sound quite similar, I see akathisia different because it is medication induced 99% of time. I have known people with RLS who never had any medications in their lives. And it is vastly stated that rls is a leg dominant problem, although it can be felt in other two limbs as well. I am not even sure if rls starts and then spreads so quickly and has a terrorizing feeling coming with it,  but I remember how my akathisia started and it was awkward. I was playing soccer with my colleagues during holiday. I acted out as if all was well until I got home, I was dying inside lol. All of a sudden  I started to feel inner vibrations in both my legs. I thought my legs had their blood supplies cut off, never thought of akathisia, never heard of it before. 2-3 days later it was all over with a feeling of immense and persisting fear I never experienced before. I felt it EVERYWHERE, even in my eyelids.  Never felt that off completely until couple of days ago, it has been almost 6 whole months since it started.

                 Knowing that it died down completely for a period of time is ensuring enough. I have been suffering endlessly for all these months, day and night, second by second. Now for couple of days, my body completely eased in long periods, and akathisia feeling were gone  or so dim to a point almost unfelt. I remember the first 2 months, thinking back I don't even know how I didn't end myself when I was feeling earthquakes in my bed, tired but never restored through this adventure. This thing just doubles the most difficult soldier training for sure.

                Worse than what I am going through, I have looked for other people's experiences, I mean the very bad ones. I have read about people throwing themselves under trains, killing their children, wives, therapists, fathers. It indicates some type of gene has part in how hard akathisia hits someone after medication. I don't even want to know how bad or lost they were before committing these acts, sounds horrible even though I still am dealing with akathisia on daily basis. It seems akathisia can smite some people too hard they don't even remember they murdered someone valuable and ended up in jail, cognitively impaired. It makes sense, If someone had experienced multiplied version of dismay I have felt so far, they would probably lose their minds or hurt something, at least themselves most likely.  For this, I still believe we are on the lucky end of this stick obviously. However unbearable it is, not to the point beyond insanity, just at the edge of sanity.